Marriage

Judaism

in

Marriage In Judaism Marriage is considered to be the ideal state for everyone. The bible

changed marriage from an option to a mitzvah (good deed…literally a commandment) Tradition believes that G-d is the matchmaker for every wedding, and the bride and groom are destined for each other from the time preceding their birth.

Essentially both orthodox and reform marriage services are the same.

There is a custom that the bride presents the groom with a tallit (prayer shawl) on the wedding day. One of the reasons is that there are 32 fringes on it and this number is the numerical equivalent of the Hebrew word lev (heart)…What a romantic notion!

The kallah (bride) and chattan (groom) are not supposed to see each other for a period of time before the wedding (anywhere from a day to a week). The bride may also visit a mikvah (bath house) for cleansing. Observant Jews follow the law that bride and groom fast on the wedding day until after the ceremony. In this way the holy day is compared to a day when we examine our past actions with a goal of self-improvement and a day on which we commit ourselves to be better human beings in the future.

Marriage In Judaism

Before the ceremony there is a “veiling” called the ‘badeken’. The groom is led to the room where the bride is seated and places the veil over her eyes. The biblical basis for this is the story of Jacob where his father-in-law Laban fooled him by switching Leah for Rachel before the wedding…the moral to this story is that “A Jew may be fooled once, but for the next thousands of years he’ll be sure not to make the same mistake again”

Some reform congregations have the badeken in front of the congregation before the ceremony

The ceremony begins with the signing of the wedding document (called the KETUBAH) in front of two witnesses. These witnesses are not to be blood relatives. In the Ketubah the groom promises to support his wife and to provide for her if they are divorced or he dies before her.

Marriage In Judaism

The ceremony itself takes place under a canopy called a CHUPPAH. The chuppah symbolises the new home about to be created. The chuppah is usually cloth or floral and supported by four poles. It can be used indoors or outdoors.

The chuppah can be inside or outside and is often supported by four friends of the bride and groom

Some examples of chuppahs…

Marriage In Judaism The bride circles the groom 7 times. In doing so, the bride

demonstrates she is entering the seven spheres of her beloved’s soul. When the bride arrives at the chuppah she circles the groom seven times with her mother and future mother-in-law, while the groom continues to pray. This symbolizes the idea of the woman being a protective, surrounding light of the household, that illuminates it with understanding and love from within and protects it from harm from the outside.

The number seven parallels the seven days of creation, and symbolizes the fact that the bride and groom are about to create their own "new world" together. She also shows she has captured the heart of her beloved just as Joshua captured the city of Jericho by marching around it 7 times.

The round ring with its circular shape is a symbol of eternity. It is placed on the first finger of the right hand.

The engagement and the wedding are performed under the chuppah. Both involve blessings over a cup of wine, (a symbol of joy and gladness). One blessing is for the wine and the other is to bless the commitment the bride and groom make to each other. Bride and groom drink from the same cup to show that their lives will now be joined together and they will evermore share in whatever the cup of life has to offer them.

Marriage In Judaism

Marriage In JudaismThe breaking of the glass by the groom ends

the ceremony. Some claim it is the last time the husband will ever get a chance to put his foot down now that he’s married! There are a couple of reasons for this…

1. the breaking of the glass reminds us that in rejoicing we must also remember the Jewish people’s catastrophes over time. In modern terms no matter how happy we are, we dare not forget the Holocaust.

2. the fact another generation has signaled its commitment to Jewish continuity “shatters” the hopes of those who planned Jewish genocide.

Marriage In Judaism

There is one last tradition which follows after the guests shout “Mazeltov” and the bride and groom realise they are now husband and wife. It is generally followed by the more observant Jews that instead of mingling with guests, the mitzvah of Yichud, (togetherness alone) demands that the bride and groom go off to a private room to spend some time with just each other. Judaism hopes to accomplish from this ritual a sense of : “Be concerned with your mate from now on

more than with others.”

Mazeltov!