Marriage & Communication

Communication In Marriage

“Speaking the Truth In Love”

Prepared By: Dr. Mike Jackson

Empowerment Christian Center


• Definition: “Communication is the process

of sharing yourself, both verbally and

nonverbally, in such a way that the other

person can both accept and understand

what you are sharing.”




• Communication involves listening. When

we are truly listening to another person we

are not thinking about what we are going

to say when they stop talking.

• We are not busy formulating our response,

instead, we are concentrating on what is

being said.




• Listening is also complete acceptance

without judgment of what is said or how it

is said.

• Often we fail to hear the message

because we don’t like the message or the

tone of voice.

• We react and miss the meaning of what

was being shared.




• By acceptance, we do not mean agreeing with everything that is being said.

• Acceptance means understanding that what the other person is saying is something he/she feels.

• Real listening means that we should be able to repeat both what the other person has said and what we thought he/she was feeling when they were speaking.




Road blocks to Communication

Men and Women communicate differently.

The Anger & Resentment issues not resolved; but instead avoided in marriage.

Personal Agenda in marriages. (Domination issues, or Unrealistic expectations)




Different family backgrounds in

our families of origin.

Flawed Dependency

relationships.

Poor Listening skills.




Six Messages of Communication

1. What you meant to say.

2. What you actually said.

3. What your spouse actually hears.

4. What your spouse thinks he/she hears.

5. What your spouse says about what you said.

6. What you think your spouse said about what you said.




“It is important to become

proficient in communicating

in marriage.”




The Five Love Languages:

Words of Affirmation

Quality Time

Receiving Gifts

Acts of Service

Physical Touch




# 1-Words of Affirmation

• Verbal Compliments- Proverbs 18:21 Our

tongues have the power of life and death.

• Encouraging Words – Inspire courage…Affirm..

We need to encourage and inspire our mate.

• Speak Kind Words- 1 Corinthians 13:4-5.

• Speak Humble Words (Honey, You are right!)




# 2- Quality Time

1. Quality Conversation

a. Maintain Eye Contact b. Don’t Interrupt c. Give Your Full Attention d. Observe Body Language e. Listen For Feelings




2. Quality Activity

a. At Least One of You Wants to Do it

(Don’t force it upon the other).

b. The other is willing to do it (Not out of

guilt or obligation).

c. Both of you know Why you’re doing it.




#3- Receiving Gifts

• Give Gifts To each other continually

• Love letters or Love notes

• Your Presence-just being together

(Remember You are each others gift)




#4- Acts of Service

• Remember-Attitude is Everything.

• Learn To Overcome Marital Stereotypes

(A Man’s role vs. A Woman’s role)

• Requests–Give Direction to love, but

Demands–Stops the flow of love

(Remember: You can attract more with

honey, than vinegar)




# 5 Physical Touch

(Two types of touches)

1. Implicit Touch

2 Explicit Touches

a. Casual Touch

b. Sexual Touch




Keys To Speaking the Love Language

• Focus on what I can do for you, not

what I can get from you.

This is not about manipulation or using

their love language as a weapon; it’s

about making your marriage partner feel

loved and cherished.




• Don’t try to place blame, but focus on

changing your expression of love.

If your expressions of love are not

working ~ Stop doing it! Find something

that works!




• Requests give direction to love;

Demands stop the flow of love.

Demands are demeaning. Requests show

that our Mate is valuable and has the

ability to meet your deepest needs




• A spouse’s criticisms are the clearest

clue to their love language.

Be sensitive to what they are

saying. Their criticisms are coming from

an unmet need which is probably their

primary love language.




Frankness in Communication(Speaking the truth in Love-Ephesians 4:15)

• It is important that you both feel you have “permission to speak freely.”

• Don’t let the sun go down on your anger

(Eph 4:26).

• Beware of conflict avoidance.

• Practice the Golden Rule.

• No issue should be off limits-you need to be able to communicate openly and candidly about anything.




• You should feel free to discuss ALL issues related to your past and present.

• Health issues

• Chemical dependency

• Sexual intimacy

• Sexual history

• HIV/AIDS Testing

• Children (current and future) Housekeeping habits and preferences

• Any past criminal activity

• Past financial/credit problems




Things to consider about frankness in

communication

• It must be received as well as it is offered

• It will greatly reduce the risk of divorce

• Consider the best context in which you

can have a truly frank discussion

• Proceed in this area with CAUTION-but

proceed in love!




Scripture Review

• James 1:19

• James 3:8-10

• Proverbs 18:18

• Proverbs 18:21

• Proverbs 25:11

• Proverbs 12:18

• Proverbs 14: 29

• Proverbs 21:23

• Proverbs 29:20



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Marriage & Communication