March 2012 Postcards From Paradise

8/2/2019 March 2012 Postcards From Paradise

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Breathe Deep Divers

Paradise ahoy!

Volume 1, Issue 1

After months, no, what must

have seemed like years toyou guys with us going on

and on about it...we are final-

ly Fiji Bound. (This is different

to being egg-bound, in fact

pretty much directly oppo-

site!) With trepidation, excite-

ment, and at times all out

panic, we bid a tearful adieu

to one and all in the UK. If all

goes well, we shant be re-

turning to these shores for

some time. We know there

are some trials ahead; Im

expecting a mixture of Para-

dise Lost, Paradise Found and

Lord of the Flies; but if we

can face them with a smile

and a touch of sun burn, we

can do this. And then youcan all get those cheap holi-

days we promised...working

holidays mind you! A big

thank you to everyone who

has listened to us drone on

about diving in Fiji, stumped

up their own hard earned

cash to help us and given

advice, warnings, inspiration

and support. Also a special

thanks to MJ & Chris for look-

ing after my baby Stimpson J.

CatI know he is in great

hands there. Doog and

Bunfor the web and design

side, and Grumpy for the IT

tech support.

March 2012

Expatsavoid! 2

A little language lesson 2

Meet Harry 2

At one with nature? 3

Rats 4-Visitors 1 3

Picture Gallery 4

Jungle John 8

Inside this issue:

Wed been staying in the

village of Natuvu about 20

minutes by boat away from

our bay. Its a free clinic andhotel run by 7th Day Advent-

ists. Who are extremely reli-

gious. A week of being there

(with lovely generous kind

people) had me swearing like

a drunken sailor as soon as I

got out. I think Id been sav-

ing it up! We were collected

by Harry Covert the former

owners caretaker (I was pic-

turing a black version of Riff

Raff from The Rocky Horror

Picture show). He turned out

to be disappointingly noth-

ing like thattoothless grin

and 8 feet tallvery Fijian.

With a bit of European blood

thrown in several genera-

tions ago. And round the bay

he brought us. Just as

breathtaking as the first

time...

So with hopes that Karen

(Johns sis) has finally stoppedcrying and will one day speak

to me again after I stole her

baby brother here we go.

Packed and ready to go

Postcards from Paradise

The big arrival


2/8

Well we are now officially ex=pats. Im

not sure what it means, but its nice to be

allowed to join the club. In what I think isan understandable need for a little advice

from people with a similar cultural back-

ground, who have successfully moved to

Fiji and in an attempt to ease into the

new culture gradually we sought out the

advice of other ex-pats wherever we

could. Mostly Americans, Auzzies and

Kiwis, its probably fair to question the

cultural similarity, but its at least sort of

similar. Wow! what a bunch of horror

stories, of shattered dreams, broken

hearts, depleted bank accounts and tales

of murder, theft and regret. In a fewshort days Ive gone from seeing the Fiji-

an people, as famed, for smiles and hospi-

tality, to seeing bloodthirsty, sharp

toothed cannibal pirates. Weve come

here to die havent we ?!?!?!

The first night in the TOTAL darkness of

Nasau Bay after sundown, was spent

waiting for a wild man wielding a ma-

chete to hack into the tent and feast on

our brains. Well it was for me anyway

Johns subtle snores indicated he had

no such concern. Thankfully wed al-

ready been introduced to our murder in

waitingnice to put a name to the crazed

eyes. Sepo the huge guy who lives next

door. However, as Dawn came by with

her soothing vampire, cannibal slaying

rays, and all the things that went bumpin the night (or shrieked, squealed, thud,

and roared) buggered off. We were in-

deed still alive - Sepo must have been on

the Cava. Or maybe just not a crazed

pirate and a really nice guy?

are grown up and in the city and work-

ing, Robert is handicapped needing 24

hour care and still living with them. Itsays a lot that they can cope with that

kind of strain with no doctors, or welfare

and with a social stigma attached to disa-

bility that UK hasnt seen to such a de-

gree for decades. Hes a good man, a

good worker and he and Maria have big

hearts and smiles to match. Its also

thanks to Harrys night fishing expedi-

tions that I am not yet vegetarian!

Harry Covert. Caretaker of this land

through the last 3 owners. Harry lives

next door (a field away, past the creekand some trees). Harry is 62 years old

and climbs tree s like a 6 year old. Harry

is married to the lovely Maria who some-

times sends us fresh bread, so I love her.

They have an indeterminate number of

kids, uncles and cousins living with them.

Indeterminate because it changes most

days and family trees in Fiji are complex

to say the least. It certainly isnt your 2.4

kid nuclear family here. Some of the kids

Ex-pats...scary bunch!

Meet Harry

Page 2 Postcards from Paradise

Here are a few basics that you will need

when visiting.

Bulaliterally means life, but Fijians use

this to say hello, how are, you welcome,

and frankly whenever short of anything

else to say.

Yandra is good morning and Moce

(mothe) is goodbye or goodnight.

Vinakais thank you, and Vinaka Vakale-

vu means thank you very much.

Please is Kirikiri, but this also describes the

general concept of Fijian culturethat

land, possessions and time are shared

and dont belong to anyone.

Determined not be the typical Brit

abroad, eating Sunday roast in the Red

Lion (I could murder a Sunday roast

though) , I SHALL be learning Fijian. And

so shall you ;-)

Everything sounds pretty much just like it

is written, with the emphasis on the last

but one syllable. There are a couple of

letters that sound different to ours (b is

mb, d is nd, g is a soft ng, while q is a

hard g sound and a c is pronounced as a

th.

A little language lesson

If the locals dont understand you,

simply speak more slowly and loudly

until they do. Theyll get it eventually

An Idiot.


3/8

rats are doubly incontinent? And they

go A LOT. Every day since then has beena morning routine of clearing up after the

rats, bleaching everything that doesnt

move, before touching or using it. Then

on a night as it starts to get dark, we pack

all our gear from the day up, move it to

the tent and lock down as much as possi-

ble to stop the rats getting to it. So far we

have lost 1 loaf of bread, 1 scouring pad

& sponge, 1 plastic bottle of soya bean

oil, THE BLOODY MARMITE & 1 plastic

Technically we arent visitors, but where

the rats are concerned, it certainly feelslike it. It was the 2nd morning when we

realized there was a rat problem. We

went into the house and unlocked to

see all hell had broken loose. Our stuff

had moved, been eaten, the side of the

food cabinet (they call them food safes

here due to the mozzie mesh) had been

eaten away and one had gotten into the

food cupboard and eaten the flour and

our one loaf of bread. Did I mention that

suction thingy. They have lost one of

their number to Johns catapult. So wehave lost the battle for March, but come

April there will be traps and poison. I

have to say it goes against a lot of the

green eco at one with nature principles

we came here with, and we arent rat

haters per se .. We even had pet rats for a

while, but wild one that have taken over

your house, with who knows what dis-

eases different story completely. Unless

anyone knows an actual Pied Piper???

Rats 4, Visitors 1

Its a great ideaback to the land, organ-

ic produce, visions of my arse turning

into Felicity Kendalls arse, and Margotfrom next door peering at me as I man-

handle a pitchfork in a competent confi-

dent purposeful sort of a way.

Yeah well. In the first 3 days here Id hit

myself in the head with a rake, nearly

sliced the end of my thumb off, and had

3 blistered burnt fingers all bandaged

up. Numerous incidents with creepy

crawlies bigger than my head. I darent

go to the long drop loo without John

checking it first and sod flip flopshiking

boots all the way!!So theres sand flies, obviously mosquitos,

falling coconuts (well it is a coconut plan-

tation gone jungle). Those are annoying,

but the rats are the big deal here.. In fact

theyre getting their own story. But fortu-

nately they have distracted me from the

other creepies. The cockroaches, the

termites, the hornets. Actually I think it

might be the numerous hornet nests that

are actually holding the old house to-

gether.

At night it is another world again. I lovethe huge batsflying foxes or fruit bats,

massive Dracula looking things they are -

such a beautiful silhouette against the

sun set. Periodically wild boar squeal in

the distance and at dusk the cane toads

come out from their holes. Thousands of

them. Im not exaggerating. They sit

there dumb struck that some idiot has

put a tent up over their house, and keep

trying to jump onto the tent. Then there

are the animals that live here legitimate-ly .. If you see what I mean. The three

ducks are great. None of them can

quack, Duckman, Bernice and Corn-fed.

They follow you around constantly hope-

ful that food is coming their way. The

dozen or so chickens are a bit more cau-

tious, apart from their tendency to flutter

into the kitchen and lay an occasional

egg for us. The big cockerelKing Chick-

en has kindly moved gradually closer to

the tent for his 5am alarm clock call. I

suspect he will be finding himself in that

Sunday Roast pretty soon if he doesntcan it.

The cattle that was here when we arrived

have been evicted and fenced out (cant

trust them not to trample on the tents).

Horses likewise, but they are Harrys so

we let him bring them in during the day

to eat the grass. We dont have a

lawnmower yet! Harry says we can go

riding any time. No saddles, stirrups, just

a bit of rope through the horses

mouth...hmmm arse over tit springs to

mind. The big bonus though has beenthe orchard. Paw paws, limes, bread-

fruit , bananas and custard apples are

currently ripe. And the big winner, the

most perfect avocadoes, the size of my

head, not a bruise or a blemish, creamy,

firm, heavenly organic gardeners por-

nography.

The thing about being at one with nature is all the bloody nature

Page 3Volume 1, Issue 1

Creamy, firm, heavenly organic

gardeners pornography

Duckman, Bernice & Corn-fed


4/8

The old plantation househome".

For the rats!

The Long Dropdoor optionalThe porch where we play dueling

banjos

Now thats what it is all about

Home sweet home Bedroom Water collection and shade

Thats why its called Rainbow Beach


5/8

Hornets nestThe neighbors

Little challenges every day ...and little victories

King Chicken

What you need here is a man from the

council to lean on a stick for a while Not yet unionised Dracula


6/8

The underwater worldits what we real-

ly came here for. Unfortunately we have

no oil for our air compressor yet and notanks to go diving with. We have howev-

er had a good few snorkels in the bay

and the lovely Skipper and Janine of Koro

Sun Dive took pity on me going crazy on

land and took me out for a dive at a site

called Dungeons and Dragons.

This is a series of swim-throughs and

rocks and boulders and caverns.

Amongst the highlights were a white tip

shark and a Spanish dancer (a very pretty

slug thing that looks like a Spanish danc-

ers skirts waving as it moves for thosenon-divers reading) Also some coral that

changes colour, and some nice little

anemone shrimp.

The snorkeling in the bayfantastic. Crys-

tal clear. The u shaped bay has an edge

of mangrove , home to lots of juvenile

fish protecting themselves from preda-

tors. Then as you come inwards beds of

sea grass and a tall grass I havent seen

before. Then starts the coral. Shallow,

colourful at first, gradually getting deeper

and giving way to more kinds of coral

than I have ever seen in one place be-

fore. Brain corals, staghorn, soft coral

big healthy ones with unusually large

Nemos living in them. Some weird lattice

coral, cabbage coral, some day-glow or-ange spongy stuff and then on what we

have now called shark point a good

sized white tipmaybe nearly 2 meters,

and a turtle. Weve seen the shark in the

same place several times now, patrolling

up and down along the drop off.

Unfortunately we also found a number of

crown of thornswhich sadly must be

killed if we are to protect the reef from

the damage they do. I discussed this

with the local conservation group Green-

force, and with their endorsement that itwas the right thing to do, John netted

over 30 in just half an hour. An ongoing

battle for a while I think, but at that rate,

Im sure we can fettle them.

It also gave me an idea to get Harrys as-

sorted nephews involved and start

teaching them a bit about conservation

of the reef. They are all teenagers, and

we could pay them 50 cents for each

crown of thorns they get, or even get

them doing some snorkel shallow under-

water clean up work., and give us the

chance to explain why this is important

for the reef life and how it will benefit

them by making sure they maintain the

fish stocks for dinner.

I have also had my first stab at mangrove

gardening. In Fiji it is illegal to destroy

mangrove, and indeed why would we

want to? So I went snorkeling for the

mangrove shoots trying to root in the

channel where the boats come, and

where they wont be able to effectively

grow and moved them over to the ends

of the existing mangrove patches. Well

see how they do.

Also looking forward to more contact

with Greenforce and hopefully getting a

reef survey done.

hour, but I can live without it.

On the other hand the keenly felt loss ofMarmite, has led to a craving for such

things as prawn cocktail crisps, pork sau-

sages, real milk, Yorkshire puddings (I

have no oven, Im not just being lazy!)

and anything made by Heinz. On the

more practical side, a hairdryer, some-

thing to plug a hairdryer into, a proper

toilet and some Imodium. (Can you be-

lieve we came out here without any

idiots!), Strangely, chocolate hasnt yet

Inspired by the deep sense of mourning

arising from the B^$#@%d rat that stole

my marmite, it got me to thinking aboutthe small things from home that you real-

ly miss and cant get here. (Other than

friends and family of course) And also

some of the things I expected to miss, but

dont. TV theres one. My addiction to

NCIS, CSI, Bones, even the Discovery

Channel has simply evaporated. I would-

nt say no to listening to a bit of Brian Cox

and Michio Kaku trying to simplify some

hideously complex physics issue for an

entered the equation.

Whod havebet on mar-

mite over

chocolate

not me, but

this adven-

ture has been

full of surpris-

es.

Breathe Deep

Marmite

Page 6 Newsletter Title

Weve seen the shark in the same

place several times now, patrolling

up and down along the drop off.


7/8

mountain to climb, like just surviving with

the very basics we have takes up so much

time that it feels we are moving forward

too slowly, But every day brings a new

meeting, or small achievement such that

lying on our airbed at night theres some-

thing to feel good about and something

to look forward to doing tomorrow, and I

think thats the point of it isnt it?

In an homage to the irrelevant toilet

based ramblings of Absolutelys Shad-

well, (for those old enough o remember

him) an introspective moment.

We are a few weeks in from our big

move, having sold or given away every-

thing we had... has it been worth it?

Overall I think yes. There are overwhelm-

ing moments when it seems like a huge

Shadwell ere

Pause for thought...

spider babies. About a zillion of them

judging by the size of the red lump under

johns skin on his leg. Now there is a clin-

ic near-ish here, but yesterday the doc-

tors were out, and today Harrys boat

doesnt want to work, so we are sort ofstuck for a while until that is fixed.

Those that were with us in Indonesia will

get a distinct sense of deja vu here.

John has a talent for being bitten by

things that want to implant eggs in him,

or just getting infections in his bites. The

last one involved a trip to Singapore forsurgery and several weeks of nurse

Rhiannon packing a pretty deep and big

unstitched wound twice a day. Now

thats love!

Well here we are again. My vote is on

Mangina 2

Gradually we are learning the way things

are done here. Mostly it is just that the

materials and foodstuffs are different.Coconut Palm wood doesnt burn, we

learned that quite quickly round the bon-

fire (or lack of one), however the leaves

are like firelighters. There are some little

seeds from the beach that float ashore,

and when you burn them, their smoke

keeps mosquitoes away. Those sooth

round things on the vine in the orchard

will be passion fruit when they grow up.

Says Harry, who by now must be sick to

his missing hind teeth of me saying

whats that tree? can I eat it? how do I

know when it is ready? To which theanswer is almost invariablynot yet,

when it turns yellow.

The main lesson this month has been

cooking breadfruit on the campfire. Basi-

cally, find a 62 year old Fijian to climb ahuge tree and throw you a breadfruit

down. Drop the breadfruit as he shakes

his head in wonder at the inept

kaivalagi (European). Build a fire with

palm fronds as fire lighter, small twigs for

kindling, coconut husks to keep it going.

Delicately place the breadfruit in the fire,

and pile the husks around it. Wait. Wait

some moreabout an hour or more. Test

it is ready by inserting a skewer made

from the vein of the palm frond into the

top. If it sinks in easily, its done. Once

done, place it on three banana leavescriss crossed, and using your huge ma-

chete as delicately as if you were painting

a Botticelli, skin the charred fruit. Wrap in

the banana leaves and it is keeping warm

ready for eating. Slice itwe had a bit ofbutter on it. Delish! A whole one is too

much for 2 people though.

Fijian Bush craft

Page 7Volume 1, Issue 1

My vote is on spider babies. About

a zillion of them.


8/8

George from Boney Fish great dive

torches, testing the UV lights will be next

job on the list

Rick, the Steves and everyone at Scubap-

ro Australia for great kit training

Nan, Seria and Sai at Nanettes Accom-

modation for all your help in Suvayou

made us feel like family.

Ian at Greenforce

Skipper and Janine at Koro Sun Dive for

saving my last threads of sanity and some

great advice

Solar man at the solar place on Taveuni,

and Dilip at the hardware store.

The family Tadz for a warm welcome at

Well in my opinion, Johns gone native,

Im expecting to see him in a leopard skin

loin cloth any day now. Hes having a

whale of a time setting up water collec-

tion, climbing trees, snorkeling, setting

up tents, taking down tents and moving

them away from sandflies, building

showers, taking down showers and mov-

ing them nearer the water supply, Build-ing fires, building bigger fires, playing

with generators and invertors and solar

panels. And johns summary of the

month is.. Never climb aluminium step-

ladders in flip flops.Daku as always.

The neighbors Nigel & Carol and Dan

always with a smile.

Shaun and Sharon Cody at Bamboo Fiji

for great t-shirts, rashies and local insight.

Tragically also a premature farewell. RIP,

together at least.

Lil Splodgey and Aunty Pauline Happy

Birthdays, Im so sorry I missed them, and

hope you had a sterling time.

Doog and Bun

Valencia and Bradexcellent dinner com-

panions.

Dave for the advice on the Invertors, gen-

erators, solar gubbins etc

A word from Jungle John

Breath Deep Diving at Rainbow Beach Estates, is two

British nutters who decided to up sticks and move to

Fiji to go diving. Instead of buying a house or some-

thing easy, they bought an old, overgrown coconutplantation, a rotten damp rat infested excuse for a

house and took a tent with them. Off the beaten

track? Theres no track to beat! No power, no roads,

no water, no mobile signal, no internet...just coco-

nuts. Postcards from Paradise is the story of their bat-

tle to turn this into their dream of a small eco friendly

and innovative dive school.

Paradise found, paradise built.

Rainbow Beach Estates Ltd

PO Box 44

Waiyevo Post Office,

Taveuni Island

Phone: Off grid - no signal here!!

E-mail: [email protected] (picked up whenI can!)

Diving, skiving, just about surviving

Breathe Deep Diving

www.breathedeepdiving.com

The weather report

Monday: Hot, a bit humid, a touch of a breeze

Tuesday: Hot, a bit humid, a touch of a breeze

Wednesday: Hotter, quite humid, no breeze

Thursday: Wow thats hot, whered the breeze go?

Friday: What I need is a fan.

Saturday: ... or john to waft me with a palm frond

Sunday: Breeze its backeveryone chillax.

Acknowledgements

Documents

March 2012 Postcards From Paradise