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MANIFESTO
Bari LymanAuthor & Creator of
the Meet to Marry Method
The 7 MistakesWhen Dating to Marry
(and how to avoid them)
Be the One to Find the One
TM
www.meettomarry.com
It’s so exciting that you’re ready to spark your own Meet to Marry transformation. Amazing things are going to happen.
The principles of the Meet to Marry method™ are designed for both men and women, and when you put them into practice everything’s going to change!
Look, I know you might be feeling incredibly frustrated with your love life.
Maybe you’ve tried everything—dating sites, introductions, singles events, therapy, matchmakers, makeovers, and more—all to no avail.
Now, you’re starting to wonder if you’re ever going to meet your ideal partner. You’re on the verge of giving up.
Or...Perhaps you’ve just begun your search for The One and want to accelerate it so that you can start building your richly rewarding lives together.
No matter where you are in the journey, you’re in the right place!
Marriage-minded clients of all ages and backgrounds come to me because they know my method gets results fast. I’m the dating coach who succeeds where others fail.
I promise you that your new manifesto, which you’re beginning to create and implement, will get you on your own clear path to finding extraordinary lifetime love.
Welcome!
Be the One to Find the One
www.meettomarry.com
The 7 Mistakes When Dating to Marry (and how to avoid them) is going to help you...
Identify the top 7 mistakes that keep you from finding love
Make new choices NOW so you become an empowered dater
Get super positive and excited about your date to marry adventure
Wake up to see that finding meaningful love all begins with you
Realize how your past has been impacting your love life
Finally get intentional about dating
Develop a clear picture about your marriage vision
Identify your ideal spouse
There’s much more to the Meet to Marry method™, but this guide is the perfect starting point!
To Extraordinary Love,
www.meettomarry.com
Mistake #1You want to get married, but your actions
are inconsistent with your dreams
Many clients come to me saying things like “I really want to get married and find The One, but I don’t like singles events,” or “I’ve had bad experiences with Internet dating, so I don’t do it anymore,” or “Dating is lousy where I live.”
Can you relate?Is some part of you thinking that where you live isn’t the right place to find love? That you should move to another state, city, or country?
Years of frustrated attempts at finding your ideal partner can cause you to start believing certain types of events, dating sites, and places are just no good.
Even if you’re just launching your search, you might have negative or ambivalent notions about the dating experience.
Be the One to Find the One
www.meettomarry.com
But here’s the problem.
Getting stuck in these states of mind and heart limit you.
If you don’t go to events, make dating a priority, and share your marriage mindedness with others, how can you make your dreams of love come true? You can’t.
And if you do go to events with a negative, skeptical and closed attitude, you don’t have a fighting chance. You can’t hide it.
The good news is that it doesn’t have to be that way for you!
You can meet one amazing person who is perfect for you.
You just need to be in the right places with the proper attitude to make it happen.
Your Paradigm Shift
Are you familiar with the Meet to Marry motto?
It’s “Be The One to Find The One.”
To be this person, you’ve got to discover new perspectives on yourself, love, and dating.
That’s what I’m going to help you do!
www.meettomarry.com
Be the One to Find the One
Open yourself up to the possibility of changing your perspective. Give yourself the chance to view yourself and dating through a new lens...even if you’ve been burned before or are so new to dating to marry that you feel paralyzed by confusion.
That’s it.
All you have to do at first is make some room within your heart and mind for this very real possibility of change.
Allow yourself to begin recognizing that the present doesn’t have to be dictated by the past and your old negative dating expectations. You can have a dating reboot. Unexpected, wonderful experiences are within your reach.
Before heading out to dates or events, let yourself imagine that The One you’ve been waiting for could be there. Experience the thrill of knowing this is a real possibility. This feeling will bring out that bubbly, optimistic part of yourself that will allow you to have a great time meeting new people. If you don’t meet The One at this event, don’t worry! Remember: Each wrong person leads you closer to meeting this special person.
3 Ways to Liberate Yourself
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Be the One to Find the One
www.meettomarry.com
One client of mine really wanted to get married, but she hardly ever dated.
This beautiful woman worked in sweats and wasn’t motivated to go out because she always wound up finding the wrong guys whenever she did.
She had a pattern of attracting men who weren’t serious about relationships, but she’d just try to go with the flow. Not only that, she even moved in with a man who just wanted her to take care of him and his needs.
But she didn’t hit rock bottom and seek out support until this guy totally took advantage of her.
As a masterful entertainer and cook, she made Football Sundays a bonanza for him and his friends. Shortly after creating yet another amazing experience for them, he told her he loved her but wasn’t in love with her and just “didn’t feel it.”
That was the final straw!
She couldn’t take it anymore.
Now she was finally motivated to figure out why she only attracted men who didn’t value her and who weren’t marriage minded. She was sick and tired of feeling lonely, frustrated, and used in relationships that went nowhere.
Success Story
www.meettomarry.com
Be the One to Find the One
She enrolled in coaching with me and had a major breakthrough about her fear of intimacy, unconscious sense that she wasn’t worthy of true love, and how these blind spots were causing her to find men who confirmed these anxieties and feelings.
I supported her in the process of dissolving these hidden blockages and developing ways of celebrating intimacy and her self-worth.
She became The One to Find The One and, for the first time in her life, started dating to marry with clarity and confidence. She attended singles events, used dating sites and met marriage minded men via introductions.
Within six months, it happened!
She met the man with whom she felt like her best self—the one who allowed her to be totally vulnerable and safe.
Now she’s married to her dream husband and just a few months ago gave birth to their first child.
Be the One to Find the One
www.meettomarry.com
The Meet to Marry method is known for producing quick, life-changing results that will transform your dating experience forever.
You’ve got to turn within and get really honest and clear.
Now that you’ve opened yourself up to an inner paradigm shift, I want you to do the following:
Take a look at your current approach to dating. What is your general attitude? Are you holding on to a perspective that feels limiting? What would be a more expansive and optimistic point of view? How could it change your dating experience?
What actions are you taking to realize your dream of marriage? In what ways are your actions inconsistent with your dream (e.g., sitting home every weekend instead of going out and doing activities you love, etc.)? Write them down.
Test out a new, more optimistic perspective by going out and doing one thing this week that will demonstrate your commitment to finding The One!
Aligning your actions with your goals is the first major set of steps that will spark your Meet to Marry transformation.
I love hearing about people’s experiences with this initial part of the Meet to Marry method, so drop me a line and tell me about your successes and challenges with the paradigm shift and action tips!
You can reach me at [email protected]
Your Action Tips
www.meettomarry.com
Mistake #2You’re negative about dating
When you’re negative and cynical about dating, you’re bound to repel the kind of partner you long to find.
You attract what you put out, so if you’re negative, you’re likely to attract the same kind of person.
Do you want to be with a downbeat, skeptical person? No!
Negativity is a BIG turnoff.
And...just putting on a happy face isn’t going to get you results.
If you’re feeling pessimistic and suspicious, it’s going to be apparent on a subtle level that keeps the right people away. There’s no hiding it.
However, you can transform your negative perspectives to positive ones. That’s what I’m going to show you how to do now.
Be the One to Find the One
www.meettomarry.com
Things happen to us in life . . . great things and not-so-great things.
We get the job or we lose the job. We win the race or we don’t. Sometimes we get injured and can’t finish. One day someone’s a great friend, the next day they hurt or leave us.
Life’s road is paved with lessons and what’s most important is what we do with those lessons.
Most people don’t suffer because of what happens to them.
They suffer because of the meaning they ascribe to what happens.
If a date doesn’t work out, one person might say, “Ugh, what’s wrong with me? Why can’t I meet someone on my wavelength in this city? It’s just impossible.”
Another person might say, “Well, this person wasn’t the one for me, so I’ll just continue to put myself in great places and be ready when the right one comes along.”
Can you see the difference?
Guess what?
You can change and choose your own thoughts.
Your Paradigm Shift
www.meettomarry.com
Be the One to Find the One
2 Questions to Shift Your PerspectiveWhenever you feel some negativity, judgment or story emerging in connection with something dating related, just ask yourself these simple questions:
Am I interpreting this experience based on previous negative ones? That is, are your perceptions and narratives about it being shaped by past events that may not actually be relevant to this one?
How can I see this situation differently—in a fresh, positive light?
At first, it might not be easy to change your interpretations and perceptions. That’s okay. Start by experimenting with believing it’s possible to change your thoughts even if the external world hasn’t changed. Just be willing to entertain these questions.
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Be the One to Find the One
www.meettomarry.com
The dating scene in my client’s city was awful. At least that’s what she kept telling me.
There were creeps on all the dating sites, and the men only wanted “one thing.”
No matter whose profile she saw. . .no matter what singles event she attended...this was her experience.
When she first came to me, she was on the verge of giving up on dating and abandoning all hope for experiencing true love and partnership.
Her two lonely, unfulfilling and failed marriages and string of negative dating experiences left her with a hardened heart.
Not only that.
On the surface she came across as very confident, but she was also exuding a pessimistic attitude influenced by her hidden blockages, which was causing her to attract men who didn’t recognize her value or treat her as someone worthy of the highest, greatest love.
Success Story
www.meettomarry.com
Be the One to Find the One
As I guided her through her paradigm shifts and the complete Meet to Marry method™, she realized the blind spot from way back in her childhood—the one that was holding her back—and she began to learn how to create a truly fresh and authentic positive attitude that attracted the right men.
Astounded. . . .
That’s what she was when she had this breakthrough.
Suddenly, after years of unsuccessful dating, she was finding many wonderful marriage minded, adventurous and caring men.
After 3 months of dating, she found her perfect match.
Be the One to Find the One
www.meettomarry.com
You, too, can experience this kind of transformation!
Here’s what I want you to do now:
Don’t beat yourself up when you notice a negative thought about dating surfacing or when you feel like you’re in a negative situation. I know this might sound weird, but I want you to acknowledge the negative thought, feeling, or situation and thank it for appearing.
Right afterwards, choose a positive, inspiring way to perceive what is happening. Keep in mind that dating is an exciting, dynamic adventure, and this is just one of the legs on the journey.
These new actions will help you realize that everyone is special (just like you), and sometimes the people you are meeting on the road to finding The One are great. . .just not for you.
Your Action Tips
www.meettomarry.com
Mistake #3You’re negative about datingYou’re not clear, confident, and
articulate about what you want
You’re starting to become aware of how your thoughts and feelings directly influence what you attract into your life.
Now it’s time to see if you’re making this other surprisingly common mistake.
What happens when you’re asked to describe the kind of person you want to meet and marry?
Do you respond by offering a very general description about your ideal partner’s personality traits, likes, looks and religious background?
Do you ever find yourself saying (or thinking): “Is that asking too much?”
Here’s the deal. . . .
You’re bound to waste precious time with frustrating, random encounters if you continue on in this way.
Harnessing the positive power of clearly knowing, feeling confident in, and articulating your unique needs and desires will make it easy for you to attract the love you want.
www.meettomarry.com
Be the One to Find the One
Everyone’s needs are unique, especially when it comes to lifetime partners.
I can’t count the number of my male and female clients who worry that they’ll never meet a great person because there’s so much competition out there.
Are you like them?
Do you ever catch yourself thinking things like. . . .
There are so many men who are more handsome and powerful than me. Why would any woman choose me over them?
I’ve seen so many younger, skinnier single women out there. Who’s going to fall in love with me?
These might just be thoughts that go through your mind from time to time or they might be persistent.
You might not be worrying about these specific things.
Maybe you’re having other competitive thoughts or feeling inadequate because you’re comparing yourself to others.
You’ve got to make a shift if you really want to overcome the inner obstacles preventing you from finding your perfect lifetime partner.
Your Paradigm Shift
Be the One to Find the One
www.meettomarry.com
3 Techniques to Jump-start Your Paradigm ShiftOpen yourself up to the reality that there is only one you and your needs are totally unique, so there’s no reason to worry about competing with or comparing yourself to anyone else. It might take time to intellectually and emotionally accept this fact, but right now all you need to do is open up—even just a little bit.
Contemplate whether or not you’re being too picky. Being too picky involves insisting on a long list of superficial qualities.
Here’s an example: I want to marry a doctor who’s at least 6’2, drives a Mercedes, went to an Ivy League school, and makes a minimum of $225k.
This is definitely a specific description, but it’s not the kind that’s going to lead to true happiness and extraordinary lifetime love.
Recognize that you’re not asking for too much. The problem is most likely that you’re not asking for enough of the right things.
Look for someone to whom you’re attracted—a person who inspires you, makes you feel like your best self, shares your worldview, has an engaging personality, and shares your vision for the future.
Figure out which specific emotional qualities are most important to you. Maybe you need someone who’s full of warmth, compassion, humor, adventure, and generosity.
When someone wants to set you up on a date, make sure they know what you’re looking for and ask them if this person seems like a good fit.
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Be the One to Find the One
If you envision a life of spirituality and raising a large family in Rome while you write novels, share that info! It wouldn’t make sense for you to be dating a couch potato who’s not into spirituality, even if this person is single and the “right” age.
Once you start making these inner shifts, your relationship to yourself and others is going to change.
Dating is no longer going to be frustrating and mysterious.
It’s going to be enjoyable, empowering, and clear!
A highly successful 32-year-old man came to me because his dating was all over the place and the wacky women he was meeting were always rejecting him.
Here are two scenes from his chaotic, unsatisfying dating life.
An hour after one of his dates ended, the woman texted him to say she didn’t want to see him again. Why? Because he didn’t tell her she was pretty!
Another woman—this time someone he’d been dating for a few months—rejected him because he didn’t want to go for a long walk in the rain when he had a cold. She told him he’s not marriage material and not family oriented!
Crazy! Random!
There’s something wrong with these women—right?
Well, maybe on the surface.
continued...
Success Story
Be the One to Find the One
www.meettomarry.com
But as we worked together, it soon became clear that he was playing his own part in attracting these women.
For instance, when I asked him what kind of woman he’d like to marry, he was really vague.
“Well, she’d need to be Jewish like me and have the ability to be a good mother,” he said. He admitted that he’d “date almost anyone” to find that person.
As he started putting the Meet to Marry principles into action, he quickly discovered and began to articulate his true vision.
Here it is:
“As an entrepreneur, I want a wife who will be a supportive, communicative partner, who savors life, wants to travel, loves cooking together and eating amazing food, and desires a big family. She’ll be funny, generous and committed to helping me create a warm, love-filled home where we uphold the values and practices of the Jewish faith. Plus, she’ll assist me in growing my business. She’ll also be open to personal development and exploring new hobbies with me. I promise to be an amazing, supportive, and loving husband who’ll treat her like a queen. I’ll cherish her and our beautiful family and do everything in my power to make her feel loved and appreciated for who she is and what she does.”
This vivid description made it possible for him to finally start attracting great women, and he’s having a wonderful time on his path to finding The One.
www.meettomarry.com
Be the One to Find the One
It’s time to start creating your own vivid, descriptive, and compelling vision for a spouse.
Set aside some time to write down your answers to these questions.
How do I want to feel in a relationship?
What qualities does a person need to have in order to nurture these feelings?
What kind of lifestyle do you want to enjoy together?
What will your future family look like?
What will your work/life balance look like?
Also, from now on, whenever you’re thinking about, preparing for, or out on a date, I want you to conjure up this vision of your ideal relationship and the wonderful feelings associated with it.
You’re going to discover a renewed sense of excitement and possibility when you connect to your truth and identify what you truly need in order to feel like your best self!
These attractive thoughts and feelings are going to begin drawing the right kind of people into your life.
Your Action Tips
Be the One to Find the One
www.meettomarry.com
Are you getting excited and itching to speed up your Meet to Marry journey? Check out the Make It Happen This Year program.
www.meettomarry.com/work-with-me
www.meettomarry.com
Mistake #4You hide the fact that
you’re marriage minded
I know what I’m about to say contradicts a lot of traditional dating advice, but. . . .
It’s a mistake to keep your desire to get married a secret.
You shouldn’t be going out there like an undercover agent, tiptoeing around dating sites and not daring to tell people what you really want.
You’re not going to scare off your perfect match by being straightforward.
News flash: If someone is “scared off” about your marriage mindedness and isn’t on the same page, this person was not right for you anyway—so why pursue it?
Don’t waste a precious moment of your life dating someone who doesn’t share your vision or someone who doesn’t see marriage in their near future!
Now obviously I’m not suggesting that you go on a date and immediately give the person the impression that you want to marry them. No.
Be the One to Find the One
www.meettomarry.com
I’m saying that if you want to date to marry and find marriage-minded people, you need to actively seek them out and share your marriage vision with them, along with all the other things that are special about you. And of course, you want to find out about your date’s vision.
The cost of not sharing what’s important to you is great--you risk wasting time and putting yourself in the disempowered position of waiting and wondering.
Birthdays. graduations and promotions are wonderful and uplifting experiences people are proud to share with friends and family.
Your marriage vision is just as magnificent and worthy of being shared!
2 Empowering ShiftsEven though some part of you might still fear rejection and being judged by others, I want you to open yourself up to recognizing that you are valuable and deserve to connect with your ideal partner. You were not born to tiptoe around other people.
Allow yourself to feel proud of your goal of getting married. Feel this pride and joy flood through your body. Your goal is just as amazing and inspiring as a wedding.
When you realize your true worth and practice being true to yourself, speaking up becomes natural and easy.
Your Paradigm Shift
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www.meettomarry.com
Be the One to Find the One
Here’s a great example of the power of sharing who you are and want you really want, which comes directly from an email a dear friend and mentor sent me.
Russ called my work and said we should talk.
Not good words to hear.
He said, “I don’t know if I want to keep dating. I’m pretty sure you are not The One. And I spent the last two years with someone I knew wasn’t The One to begin with. I don’t want to do that again.”
I said, “We SHOULD talk” and he agreed to come to my place on Sunday night.
When we talked, I asked him, “How would you know if you found The One? What would she look like? What qualities would she have?” He answered, “I don’t know. I just know I will know her when I see her.”
Well, I was stuck.
I thought he was The One, and yet I could not find out what hoop to jump through to become The One when he did not know what he wanted. Then I realized, I’d spent my life trying to jump through hoops to be what others wanted, and it had never turned out well for me. And all of a sudden I became bold and wise beyond my years. (God intervened!)
Success Story
Be the One to Find the One
www.meettomarry.com
I said, “Well, let me tell you what I want, because I am clear about what I want. If you don’t want what I want, we don’t even have to worry about what you want.” He said ok.
I told him “I want a partner. I want to have someone I can get behind and have him be great. I want someone who can get behind me and have me be great. If you want to take your two businesses and turn them into something I am up for that. If you want to join the Peace Corps, that’s not my life.”
Russ was surprised because up until then, I hadn’t expressed any strong opinions.
I just went with whatever he wanted because I wanted him to like me and figured if I let him always have his way, there was no way he wouldn’t like me.
As it turns out, he did not want someone who had no opinions. He wanted a partner, someone who was up to something. He wanted me!
www.meettomarry.com
Be the One to Find the One
You’ve met many goals in your life, so on some level you already know what I’m about to tell you.
You need to make your goals a priority!
What’s different is that now you’ve got to apply this rule to your love life.
Start by taking these steps:
Write out your intention for finding love right now. Write it in a way that excites and inspires you.
Proudly share your marriage mindedness with others—not just your dates! This is a great way to get introductions.
Actively seek out others who are marriage minded.
Speaking of sharing. . . I’d be honored if you shared with me your intention. It doesn’t have to be long or fancy. It’s just got to be real and infused with your optimism and excitement.
Getting in touch is easy!
Just email me at [email protected]
Your Action Tips
www.meettomarry.com
Mistake #5You’re negative about datingYou don’t know how to figure out if
someone will be a great marriage partner
We’ve been talking about being clear, confident, and articulate about what you’re looking for in a partner.
But you’re probably still not really sure how to figure out if the people you’re dating will be good marriage partners.
Not knowing how to assess if someone will be a great marriage partner is a mistake for many reasons.
If you don’t know if someone will be a great partner, you risk wasting time with people who might be great for the short term but not for a lifetime partnership.
When dating to marry, it’s critical to look at the person you are dating as a potential spouse.
Yes, I know that is vastly different from the advice you been hearing all your life.
But you really need to be having meaningful conversations and asking yourself these questions:
Is this person someone I want to invest in emotionally?
Can we meet each other’s needs?
Do we see life the same way?
www.meettomarry.com
Be the One to Find the One
Soul mates are goal mates. . . partners in building a life together.
If you want a large family and the other person doesn’t want children, clearly you are not a good match for each other.
If religion is important to you, and other person isn’t interested in it, then you two don’t share the same core values and need to find others who do.
You have to be in reality about what you both want and how that will work.
Don’t get lost in all sorts of romantic fantasies where you spend your time wishing and hoping the person will change and things will magically work out the way they do in the movies.
They won’t.
Save yourself a lot of time and struggle by finding someone who will be a great marriage partner.
As you build your life together, there will be plenty of opportunities to grow together as you both evolve...but your fundamental vision and foundation will be strong.
Be the One to Find the One
www.meettomarry.com
Remember that the Meet to Marry motto is “Be The One to Find The One.”
This means that you also have to be truly marriage ready yourself!
3 Ways to Recognize If You & Your Date Will Be Great Marriage Partners
You both need to be mature.
In Meet to Marry: A Dating Revelation for the Marriage Minded, I discuss how “Being The One to Find The One” requires “being mature enough to know that a good marriage requires commitment, discipline, and the courage to grow and change.”
Do you manifest these forms of maturity in your day-to-day life? How does your date demonstrate them?
Generosity is absolutely essential.
True love “involves nourishing someone else’s soul, not only finding someone to nourish yours.” Want more love? Be more generous and “eliminate the `what have you done for me lately’ attitude that is so prevalent in our society today.”
How are you nourishing the soul of your date and showing your generosity? In what ways does the person you’re dating nurture the highest part of your being and convey their bigheartedness?
Your Paradigm Shift
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www.meettomarry.com
Be the One to Find the One
Meet to MarryA Dating Revelation
for the Marriage Minded
Self-awareness is the key to great marriage partners.
If you aren’t “self-aware and do not know yourself well (i.e., your stories), you risk projecting fear and disappointment” on to your date. Individuals who “know themselves are in a far better position to take responsibility for their feelings and reactions.” Plus, “with greater insight and self-awareness,” you have “a natural `antenna’” for what you need in a partner.
How self-aware are you right now? In what ways does the person you’re dating seem self-aware?
Obviously, there’s more to assessing your marriage readiness and whether or not you and the person you’re dating could be amazing marriage partners, but this is a great way to start.
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If you’re ready to get more details about these crucial matters, check out my book.
Be the One to Find the One
www.meettomarry.com
A beautiful, successful 46-year-old doctor came to me as her last resort.
Her problem?
She was always dating guys who were just like her—smart, successful, and good looking.
Trouble was, they always let her down and abandoned her.
It just didn’t make sense. She was baffled.
After trying everything she could think of to turn the situation around, she contacted me and we started a series of one-on-one coaching sessions that led her to solve the mystery.
It was true - she really was dating guys just like herself.
I’m not talking about the external details.
What she realized was a hidden blockage from childhood, which was holding her back and preventing her from stepping into her truly mature self. As a result, she was always attracting men who were emotionally immature and not capable of seeing her genuine inner worth.
Once she identified and dissolved this blockage, she started becoming much more mature, generous, and self-aware.
You won’t be surprised to learn that she almost immediately started attracting men who are marriage minded and great partners
Success Story
www.meettomarry.com
Be the One to Find the One
Now it’s time for you to spring into action with these tips.
When you’re on a date or in a relationship with someone, I want you to ask yourself the questions I mentioned in the intro to this mistake and contemplate the ones I discussed in the paradigm shift.
But you need to do more than just engage in inner contemplation.
You need to have meaningful conversations with your date or the person you’re dating.
Here’s one conversational script to jump-start these essential discussions:
You know, when I was younger, I don’t think I really understood the
role that _____________________ (Insert one of these: commitment,
discipline, or growing and changing) plays in a marriage.
______________________________ (Share an anecdote that illustrates
this less-than-fully-mature understanding). But I’ve come to see that
______________ because ________________________.
What’s your perspective on the role of ___________________________
in a good marriage?
Your Action Tips
Be the One to Find the One
www.meettomarry.com
If you’re dating someone who might be a good match for you, you’ll be pleasantly surprised to see how these conversations can take your relationship to a whole new level!
www.meettomarry.com
Mistake #6You’re holding on to regrets from the past
You might be wondering why I didn’t mention this mistake earlier.
The fact of the matter is that if you’re like most people, you’re not truly aware of the baggage you’re carrying around, and it’s really only once you start letting your guard down and opening yourself up to hope that you suddenly feel this heavy burden.
Regret and sadness about relationships that didn’t work can drag you down, clog you up energetically, and prevent you from moving on and allowing new love into your life.
It might seem harmless to think about your ex and imagine “what if?” but this kind of thinking doesn’t leave space in your heart for the future spouse you are seeking.
Feeling lonely and needy does not create a clear channel for new love.
Carrying around regrets and sadness and wondering about what could have been is like having a hose with a knot in it. The water can’t flow freely, and it backs up.
You can’t have a big knot in your heart if you desire a clear path—an unobstructed channel—to love.
These people from the past are taking up space in your heart and sapping the energy you need to move into your radiant, love-filled future with the right person.
Your Paradigm Shift
Be the One to Find the One
www.meettomarry.com
3 Ways to Clear Your Path to Love
Commit to completely closing the doors to the past. I’m talking 100% percent closed!
Recognize that there’s a reason you’re not with this person—if it were meant to be, you would be together. Be in the world of reality and unhook yourself from any addiction you might have to clinging to your ex’s potential.
Dedicate your heart to opening itself up to the person who is going to be your spouse. Open yourself to the future.
Sometimes this is easier said than done.
It’s not always clear what it is we’re holding on to about a former flame, and often people don’t recognize that their door to the past is still open—even just a little bit.
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Be the One to Find the One
When I was in my early 20s, I dated and broke up with a guy.
I went through a long period of clinging to him as a friend because we shared custody of our dog, and I thought of him like family (since I had such a small one of my own).
I also had regrets about how we broke up and blamed myself for the relationship not working out.
Any time I was lonely or sad, I’d think about him and how tragic breakups were...how things can be so good and then turn so bad or untenable.
Even years later, I still thought about him and wanted to get back together to try to make it up to him.
I felt it wasn’t his fault that the religion issue became more important to me. I started to romanticize about what was possible and wanted to stop feeling like the worst person in the world. And of course, since a lot of time had passed, the other elements that didn’t work in the relationship faded from my memory.
I was very self-critical and hard on myself. I couldn’t let it go of the deep sadness and regret.
I thought back to the time before the break up when my cousin asked me “Why isn’t it good enough for you that he supports you and your religion? Why can’t you just be happy with that? He’s a great guy. . . .”
But in spite of him being a great guy . . . we were so different and I wanted my husband to be actively involved in the spirituality of our home and future children. And this was never to be.
Success Story
Be the One to Find the One
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And, even though our spiritual values were still different even years later, I tried to recreate the spark and make it up to him because I felt so guilty. After all, he was a good person.
In the end, things were the same.
He was a sweet and good person and he still wasn’t inspired by the best parts of me, and the same was true of me towards him. Being good people was not enough.
So finally we said good-bye and it was painful for me.
But it was the right thing.
Because when we finally cut ties for good, he was able to move on and get married, and I ultimately forgave myself and made wonderful changes in myself and my thinking and I met and married Michael.
And the rest is a wonderful reality….
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Be the One to Find the One
You don’t want to be in the same place one, three, or even five years from now, so I want you to get super honest with yourself and act on these tips.
Set aside some time to tap into your heart and mind to get a feel for whether or not you’re still pining for someone or feeling sad about him or her. For some people, it’s really obvious. For others, it’s not.
Write the person’s name down on a sheet of paper.
With the paper in your hand, think about the impact of holding on to this person. How much energy, time, and mental space is s/he taking up? How is this person from your past influencing your present?
Imagine what it will feel like to release yourself from this baggage and free up this time and energy. What will you be able to do?
Go somewhere safe, light a match, and burn this piece of paper.
Once again, I just have to say that this is a great technique for starting to let go of the past.
Check out the Make It Happen This Year program to discover how you can fully release yourself from your detrimental attachments to the past so you can be free and clear for your amazing future.
Your Action Tips
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Mistake #7You’re negative about datingYou accept bad advice
People in your life want to help you to find love. Your family, your friends and your co-workers all want to see you happy.
And because they want to see you happy, they give you lots of free, well-intentioned, unsolicited advice that can be confusing and cause you to doubt yourself.
You begin to wonder if maybe what you want is wrong, or maybe you are too picky.
Here are some of the most common forms of advice you shouldn’t be accepting:
“If you’re not attracted to him, give him another chance—maybe after a few more dates you will be.” Bad advice.
“So what that she doesn’t share your religion, it shouldn’t matter. She’s such a good person.” Yes, for someone else.
“Maybe he doesn’t want kids now, but wait a few years and it will change.” No it won’t.
“When are you going to find the one already? You’re too picky. All your siblings are already married.” As if you aren’t frustrated enough already.
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Be the One to Find the One
“To thyself be true” is one of my favorite slogans, and it’s especially important to keep this saying close to your heart when dating to marry.
I realize you’ve had your share of disappointments—I was there.
I know you’re experiencing the pain associated with the gap between the love life you have now and the one you want.
But this is temporary and will change. You have the power to transform your experience.
All the steps I’ve been guiding you through have helped you start creating your own Meet to Marry manifesto—one that’s true to you.
You’re starting to dissolve your blind spots, which will put you on the path to clarity and help you cross to the other side of that gap.
Those negative attitudes towards dating? You’re turning them into positive ones.
Your Paradigm Shift
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You’re becoming clear, confident, and articulate about what it is you really want and need in a partner.
Your desire to get married is something you’re proud about and feel comfortable sharing with friends, family, and dates!
Identifying what makes someone a great marriage partner is no longer a mystery.
You’ve released your attachments to those in your past.
MEET TO MARRY IS ALL ABOUT EMPOWERING YOU TO CREATE YOUR OWN VISION—ONE THAT’S TRULY RIGHT FOR YOU—AND SUPPORTING YOU IN TAKING THE STEPS TO TRANSFORM THIS VISION INTO REALITY!
With this new strong foundation in place, you’ll be in a position to be true to yourself and, with confidence (in a loving, clear way), be able to reject well-meaning, but bad advice.
You’ll find true love by loving yourself first and being authentic from the inside out.
Now you can trust your gut and not get thrown off course when people offer you well-meaning advice that’s not in sync with your sense of what’s right!
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Be the One to Find the One
One of my clients, a 32-year-old lawyer, came from a close-knit ethnic family of six. All of her siblings were already married with growing families. She felt “over the hill.”
Her aunts, uncles, and cousins loved her deeply, but tortured her at holiday events when they’d constantly ask, “When will it happen for you? Are you dating someone? You are so picky. You must focus too much on your career.”
And her mother and sisters offered more than their fair share of unsolicited dating advice and criticism. All of this got her down and made her question herself.
That’s what brought her to me.
She really wanted someone who could help her turn within to figure out what she really needed and wanted and what was holding her back from finding love.
Her family didn’t understand that she really did want to find the right person and get married.
Plus, their advice only made her feel more frantic and doubtful of herself, which, in turn, prevented her from embracing her own uniqueness—her kindness, creativity, warmth, and generosity.
Once she learned to trust herself and put into practice the other Meet to Marry principles, she confidently got herself out there in the dating scene and soon found the man of her dreams.
Now they’re engaged and totally inspired by each other!
Success Story
Be the One to Find the One
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If you’ve been allowing yourself to experience the paradigm shifts in this guide and creating your own Meet to Marry manifesto by taking action on the tips in the previous sections, you should be feeling far more confident now.
But sometimes we still get rattled, so here’s what I want you to do when people give you advice:
Check in with your intuition to see if the advice feels in sync with your true values and goals.
If it doesn’t feel right, thank them for their advice and trust your own inner voice.
Remember that people who care may be unknowingly insensitive.
Also, each person is coming from his or her own point of reference, which of course, might be very different from yours.
So, by being clear about your vision, your emotional needs, your values and your goals, you can listen to advice from anyone, but you’ll know in your gut what is true for you.
That’s what I wish for you. And that’s the information I’m passionate about sharing.
Your Action Tips
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I’m proud of you.
You’ve just completed the first part of your Meet to Marry journey.
Do you have a friend or loved one who would benefit from the 7 Mistakes When Dating to Marry (and how to avoid them)? Have them visit www.meettomarry.com to get their own copy!
Congratulations!Be the One to Find the One
