Managing difficult behaviour

Introduction

• Labelling people is often an unconscious act (rather than describing their behaviour).

• We shift attention from what the person DID to who they are.

• People cannot change who they are / their personalities.

• They CAN change how they behave

Difficult employees (and how to handle them) http://www.inc.com/ss/geoffrey-james/annoying-colleagues-and-how-to-manage#9

Belak, T. (2004) How to handle difficult behavior in the workplace http://www.mediate.com/articles/belak4.cfm

Managing difficult behavior. http://www.lindsaywright.co.uk/M146%20-%20Managing%20Difficult%20Behaviour.pdf

Some difficult behaviours

Hostile / aggressive behaviour

Know it all Opinionated Defensive Arrogant Dictator Bully Demanding Critical Limited People skills Complainer

Ego-centered Negative Takes credit for all the work Does not respect others Does not follow the rules Condescending Angry Ignores other people’s

ideas Blames others Uses offensive body

language

Super-agreeable Yes person Over optimistic Takes things personally Passive-aggressive Crying at work Emotional Too talkative Weak listening skills

All ideas, no action Wastes time Goes along to keep peace Would not defend ideas

publicly Complains behind one’s

back Takes on too much work Puts in long hours Does not meet deadlines Agrees to projects, but

cannot fulfill results

Indecisive behaviour Does not meet

deadlines Procrastinates Un-organised Do not speak up in

meetings No new ideas Not innovative Afraid of change Fearful of loosing job To perfectionistic

To analytical Negative Focused on what won’t

work With holds information Work filled with

mistakes Work late arrival Unengaged Leaves work early

How to start describing behaviour rather than labelling

people.

1) Identify behaviour

2) Change behaviour to descriptive words

3) Consider the underlying reasons for behaviour

4) Look at impact on performance and productivity

An example• Identify behaviour– Lazy, apathetic and not engaged

• Change to descriptive words– Does not contribute in meetings

• Underlying reasons for behaviour– Shyness, lack of confidence

• Impact on performance and productivity– Frustrates co-workers and excluded from

meetings

Some rules

Dealing with difficult behaviour

• General rules

• Active listening

• Assertiveness

• “Future tense feedback”

General rules• Do not respond when there is strong

emotion present.• Do not take conversation personally• Focus on desired outcome NOT

negative feelings and past history• Talk about behaviour NOT personality• State feelings calmly and candidly• Use humour if appropriate to relax a

tense filled environment

Use active listening• Be aware of others

needs, concerns and fears

• Be aware of your own non-verbal behaviour!

• Be aware of other persons non-verbal behaviour

• Put yourself in the other person’s shoes

• Try to hear the situation from their perspective

• Ask questions to gain understanding

• Concentrate• Make eye contact• Do not interrupt

Individuals who practice active listening skills exhibit the following

behavior:

Allow others finish what they are saying without interrupting them

Ask questions to gain more understandingPay attention to what others are saying by

maintaining comfortable eye contactRemain open-minded about others’ having a

right to their own opinionUse feedback and paraphrasing skills

Be assertive

• This is accomplished in two ways

–“I” statements

–Clarity

“I” statements

• Speak from your point of view.

• Creates honesty and build trust

• Enhances personal accountability– I would appreciate your feedback– I heard you were unhappy– I was upset

Clarity

• Be specific and say what you mean

Future tense feedback• Providing feedback about future

performance

• Highlight the points of agreement

• Describe the behaviour and its effect

• Suggest ways of working together in the future