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Managing Conflict Julie Combs, EdD Stacey Edmonson, EdD Sam Houston State University

Managing Conflict Julie Combs, EdD Stacey Edmonson, EdD Sam Houston State University

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Page 1: Managing Conflict Julie Combs, EdD Stacey Edmonson, EdD Sam Houston State University

Managing Conflict

Julie Combs, EdDStacey Edmonson, EdDSam Houston State University

Page 2: Managing Conflict Julie Combs, EdD Stacey Edmonson, EdD Sam Houston State University

Welcome and Introduction

Welcome What experiences/qualifications

do you have? Why did you come to this session?

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Managing Conflict Julie Combs

Page 3: Managing Conflict Julie Combs, EdD Stacey Edmonson, EdD Sam Houston State University

What you Get

1 Enduring Conflict Mgmt Skill 2 Tools to build on the past 3 Styles/Strategies

Self-Reflection Activities Partner Activity

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Combs

Page 4: Managing Conflict Julie Combs, EdD Stacey Edmonson, EdD Sam Houston State University

Getting Started: Identify a conflict

Think about the last few weeks. What was one conflict that you

observed between 2 people? (secretary, teacher, parent, school board member, etc)

Describe the situation on paper.

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Combs

Page 5: Managing Conflict Julie Combs, EdD Stacey Edmonson, EdD Sam Houston State University

What is conflict?

Simply energy in the system; People add meaning

Chinese symbol for crisis: danger and opportunity

Stems from perceived competition for limited resources: power, success,

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Combs

Page 6: Managing Conflict Julie Combs, EdD Stacey Edmonson, EdD Sam Houston State University

Metaphors

Conflict is like storm. Conflict is like a garden. Conflict is like running a marathon. Conflict is like the waves at the

beach. Others?

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Page 7: Managing Conflict Julie Combs, EdD Stacey Edmonson, EdD Sam Houston State University

Interpersonal or Cognitive?

Interpersonal conflicts: About PeopleWaste energy & timeUnproductive

Cognitive conflicts: About IdeasSeparated from people

What about your conflict?

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Page 8: Managing Conflict Julie Combs, EdD Stacey Edmonson, EdD Sam Houston State University

Using Cognitive Conflict as a Resource : Why?

Facilitated Conflict about IDEAS: Fosters improvement Leads to better decisions Guards against apathy Increases buy-in Produces Energy and Action

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Page 9: Managing Conflict Julie Combs, EdD Stacey Edmonson, EdD Sam Houston State University

Strategies to Facilitate Conflict about IDEAS

1. Reconsider your labels and language

2. Remove yourself from the center

3. Give equal time to Content & Process

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Page 10: Managing Conflict Julie Combs, EdD Stacey Edmonson, EdD Sam Houston State University

Tool #1 Dissect the Conflict

What was the conflict about? (the facts)

Whom did the conflict involve? What were some of the

feelings/emotions?

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Page 11: Managing Conflict Julie Combs, EdD Stacey Edmonson, EdD Sam Houston State University

Apply

Review the conflict you identified earlier.

Dissect the conflict: Facts: Who, What, Why Feelings or Emotions

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Page 12: Managing Conflict Julie Combs, EdD Stacey Edmonson, EdD Sam Houston State University

Tool #2 Look Below the Surface

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Page 13: Managing Conflict Julie Combs, EdD Stacey Edmonson, EdD Sam Houston State University

Common Roots of Conflict

Values Agendas or Priorities Work styles & Personalities Miscommunication

Can you think of others?

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Page 14: Managing Conflict Julie Combs, EdD Stacey Edmonson, EdD Sam Houston State University

Apply

Review the conflict you identified earlier.

What are some of the possible roots for the conflict? Values, Priorities, Styles, Miscommunication

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Page 15: Managing Conflict Julie Combs, EdD Stacey Edmonson, EdD Sam Houston State University

So What

How does identifying the unseen/unspoken help?

How does writing and dissecting the conflict help?

How does sharing the conflict help?

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Page 16: Managing Conflict Julie Combs, EdD Stacey Edmonson, EdD Sam Houston State University

Dilbert

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Page 17: Managing Conflict Julie Combs, EdD Stacey Edmonson, EdD Sam Houston State University

The #1 Conflict Mgmt Strategy?

What might be some of the more effective strategies?

The #1 Conflict Management Strategy is…….

Do you agree or disagree?

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Page 18: Managing Conflict Julie Combs, EdD Stacey Edmonson, EdD Sam Houston State University

Managing Conflict Julie Combs 18

Most Irritating Listening Habits

Interrupting the speaker Eyes looking elsewhere Multi-tasking & Distracted Finishing the speaker’s sentences “Yes, but….” “That reminds me of the time I…” Forgetting past conversations Asking too many questions about details

Page 19: Managing Conflict Julie Combs, EdD Stacey Edmonson, EdD Sam Houston State University

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Helpful Listening & Paraphrasing

I care I am trying to understand “So you’re thinking that…” “You

feel sad because…” Listen for content Listen for feeling Avoid “I hear you…”

Page 20: Managing Conflict Julie Combs, EdD Stacey Edmonson, EdD Sam Houston State University

Partner Listening…. Groups of 2 Person A: Who are great listeners? What

do they do to help you talk? How does it make you feel?

Person B: Listens, Paraphrases , Questions

Focus on Listening Skills and Paraphrasing, not the Content

At Signal, switch roles20

Managing Conflict Julie Combs

Page 21: Managing Conflict Julie Combs, EdD Stacey Edmonson, EdD Sam Houston State University

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Best Reasons NOT to Listen

Ignorance is bliss. My boss (or spouse) might expect it

all the time. I prefer asking for forgiveness versus

permission. I can be more creative when I have

to fill in the blanks. I forget what I will say if I listen. The Legislature doesn’t, why should

I?

Page 22: Managing Conflict Julie Combs, EdD Stacey Edmonson, EdD Sam Houston State University

Conflict Strategies or Styles

List the names or initials of 3-5 people that are important to you (family, co-workers, boss).

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Page 23: Managing Conflict Julie Combs, EdD Stacey Edmonson, EdD Sam Houston State University

Competition Getting what you want is more important

than the relationship Not concerned with needs of others One person wins, one person loses Feel pride & accomplishment as the winner Feel weakness & inadequacy as the loser Attack, overpower, overwhelm, intimidate,

outwit

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Page 24: Managing Conflict Julie Combs, EdD Stacey Edmonson, EdD Sam Houston State University

Accommodation

Relationships are more important than your goals

Want to be accepted and liked Believe that conflict damages

relationships and hurts others

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Page 25: Managing Conflict Julie Combs, EdD Stacey Edmonson, EdD Sam Houston State University

Avoidance

Give up your goals and relationships Stay away from conflicts Believe resolution is hopeless Sometimes feel helpless Believe it is easier to withdraw

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Page 26: Managing Conflict Julie Combs, EdD Stacey Edmonson, EdD Sam Houston State University

Compromise

Moderate concern with your goals and relationships involved

Willing to give up part of your goals and want others to give up part of theirs

Middle ground, both gain something and both give up something

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Page 27: Managing Conflict Julie Combs, EdD Stacey Edmonson, EdD Sam Houston State University

Collaboration Value your goals and relationships View conflicts as problems to be solved Seek solutions that achieves both parties’

goals See conflict as way of improving

relationship by reducing tension Want tensions & negative feelings resolved Want a solution that satisfies both

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Page 28: Managing Conflict Julie Combs, EdD Stacey Edmonson, EdD Sam Houston State University

Conflict Management Styles

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Page 29: Managing Conflict Julie Combs, EdD Stacey Edmonson, EdD Sam Houston State University

Applying Styles

Withdraw when issue & relationship is not important

Force when issue is more important than the relationship

Smooth when relationship is more important than the issue

Problem Solve when both are important; takes time!

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Page 30: Managing Conflict Julie Combs, EdD Stacey Edmonson, EdD Sam Houston State University

Your Best Investments

“Because conflicts occur continually and because so many people are so unskilled in managing conflicts, learning how to resolve conflicts constructively is one of the best investments you can make.”

(Johnson, 2000, p. 261)

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Page 31: Managing Conflict Julie Combs, EdD Stacey Edmonson, EdD Sam Houston State University

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An Illusion?

The greatest problem with communication is that

illusionthat it has been

accomplished.George Bernard Shaw

Page 32: Managing Conflict Julie Combs, EdD Stacey Edmonson, EdD Sam Houston State University

Summary

Dissecting, Beneath the Surface, Listening, Conflict Mgmt Styles

On your paper, list a few things that you plan to apply/remember.

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Page 33: Managing Conflict Julie Combs, EdD Stacey Edmonson, EdD Sam Houston State University

More information

Contact:Julie Combs, [email protected] Edmonson,

[email protected]

33Managing Conflict Julie

Combs