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A nn was facing a dilemma. An executive in the health care indus-

try, Ann needed help to take her presentation skills to the next

level. She realized her desire to give the “perfect” speech was hold-

ing her back. In everyday life, she was charming, smart, articulate and playful.

Her sense of humor put people at ease. However, in her desire to be credible

during presentations, her playfulness often vanished.

“People say I’m a good speaker, but I think I come across a bit stern,” she told me during a meeting. “Something’s missing.”

As a professional speech coach who has worked with many executives, I told Ann that to improve her speaking skills, she needed to allow herself to open up and connect with the audience. And one of the best ways for speakers to achieve this goal is to tell personal stories about events or people that have

been a major influence in their lives. She was reluctant at first, but eventually warmed

to the idea and even started brainstorming. “If I were to speak from a personal place, I would talk about Nancy,” Ann said. “She’s why I do my work.”

Ann proceeded to tell me about a woman who endured incredible hardship, but was still dedicated to helping others. I was mesmerized. She spoke with such conviction and clarity that it brought tears

Making It Personal

by Jean Hamilton

Using life stories increases the impact of your

message

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to my eyes. In that moment she became not only an effective speaker, but a transformative one, as well.

Create trust and rapportThe right personal story during a speech can be very powerful. However, I have found during my career that it is common for people to be reluctant to tell personal stories in a business setting. They often wonder, If I tell stories from my personal life, will it seem unprofessional? Will the audience think it’s a waste of their time? Will I embarrass myself?

These are questions that you should consider when developing a speech, but they shouldn’t stop you from using personal experiences as part of a presentation. When carefully chosen, personal sto-ries can capture the attention of the audience and quickly create a connection between the speaker and the listener. Still, all speakers need to think through what are the right kinds of personal stories, as well as when and how to use them.

If you have taken part in any type of speech train-ing, you’ve probably heard the well-known phrase, “people remember a good story.” Well-told tales cre-ate a sense of trust and rapport with the audience. They are a great way to add humor, and they bring meaning to your message. In my opinion, data has no real meaning without a story attached.

I was brought in to work with a brilliant research scientist for an upcoming speech he was giving at a major fundraiser. The previous year, a speaker gave a highly technical talk that was difficult for the audience to understand. I convinced the scientist to tell some patient stories. Since he had never done this, he was hesitant, until I convinced him that stories would help show the impact of his work on people’s lives.

His story about a patient who went from being unable to leave her home to living a full life made his talk interesting and accessible. The organization doubled the funds raised from the previous year. I don’t know for sure whether my client’s speech had an impact on that year’s charitable giving, but his approach certainly did help his audience better relate to the research.

Right time and placeWhile there is plenty of power in personal stories, there are rules to making such experiences effective. For instance, speakers should tell stories that benefit only the audience. Such stories should never be used as therapy for the speaker.

I once heard a speaker talking about all the rough times she was going through. I kept waiting for the “aha!” moment in which she would tell us what she

learned from these difficult times. It never came. It left the audience feeling uncomfortable.

Pain and challenges can make for great stories when a thought-provoking lesson is included. When you share such stories with an audience, make sure that enough time has passed since those events took place that you are able to articulate what you’ve learned.

There are also some personal stories that are better told only to friends. These experiences might be too “colorful” for a business audience. A good rule of thumb is that if you would be embarrassed to have a story printed in the news-paper, you shouldn’t tell it. It is imperative to use your best judgment when choosing stories.

Because of potential pitfalls, many people discount all stories from their per-sonal life when preparing a speech, and that is unfortunate. Such speakers are missing an opportunity to have a greater impact on their listeners.

Visiting your pastTo find the right story for your speech, spend some time reflecting on your life.

People often draw a blank when asked to think of stories from their pasts. Suddenly they feel like nothing interesting has ever happened to them, and the harder they try to recall such stories, the more elusive interesting and relevant incidents become.

The best way to find your own stories is to remove the perceived pressure. Don’t try to immediately come up with the “perfect” incident or event that is both entertaining and relevant to your talk. Your internal editor will stifle any creativity and shut down memories.

Instead, allow yourself to spend time writing in a journal. Start by remember-ing significant times in your life. Go through your own personal timeline by starting with your childhood, adolescence, college and adulthood. Look at the significant moments in your life, such as making friends, moving, new schools, outdoor activities, jobs, marriage, children, parents and your health.

Think of “firsts” in your life, such as the first day of school, first kiss and first speech. What were some of the rituals in your childhood? How about holidays?

“Look for small, self-contained incidents that are still vivid in your memory,” says Columbia University adjunct professor and author William Zinsser. “If you

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still remember them, it’s because they con-tain a universal truth that people will rec-ognize from their own lives.”

Developing storiesOnce you have identified vivid memories from your own experiences, begin to dig deeper.

Recall specific moments in time. The best stories are usually those that play out like movies: As you tell them, the audience sees, hears and feels the experiences. Bring in sounds, colors, temperature and feel-ings. Use dialogue to develop characters and bring your stories to life. While such stories may be as varied as our individual lives, they all have one aspect in com-mon—they contain circumstances or issues to which your audience can relate.

Many people make the mistake of pad-ding stories with unnecessary information. Shorter is often better. And be sure to take out any boring parts—give your audience just the meat of the experiences.

Self-deprecating humorThere are various types of personal stories that work well in a speech. One of the most important is the self-deprecating story. Such humorous tales are great for breaking the ice with an audience. Also, being able to laugh at yourself can help communicate confidence and charisma.

As a speech coach, I like to let my audi-ence know I understand their challenges with public speaking. The worst speech I remember giving was years ago at a confer-ence in Montreal. When I walked into the room, my heart sank. It was a dark, cold and cavernous room with seating for 1,000. About 80 people had showed up for my session and were scattered throughout the large space.

I asked the attendees to come sit at the front. Two people moved. No matter how good the speaker, when the energy is that dispersed, it can ruin a speech. My break-out session on communication skills included several exercises. Each time we began an exercise, people left. By the end of the session there were 39 people remain-ing. It was like a bad dream and the longest two and a half hours of my life.

Transform your executive presence: Give the speech of your life

Presentation & Communication Consulting for Leaders

206-933-6645www.speakingresults.com

"Working with Jean Hamilton is one of the best things I have ever done."

— Jennifer PotterPresident

Initiative for Global Development

Jean Hamilton, Founder & Principal

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Someone later told me, “Your session would have been great in a small room.” He was absolutely right. The space set my session up for failure. That disastrous talk taught me to do everything I could to take charge of a space and make it work.

However, even during that painful expe-rience, I did find a saving grace. A man who attended the poorly received breakout session came up to me afterward and said, “During the listening exercise, my wife and I were partners. It was the best we have ever listened to each other.”

By sharing this story I help my audience realize that circumstances can interfere with a presentation, even for a speech coach. It’s how we learn from an unpleas-ant experience that really matters.

Transformative events Another type of story to add to your reper-toire is what I refer to as a transformative story. This consists of a series of events that give you a new perspective on some aspect of your life. These stories often cen-ter on big events that have happened to you, but small experiences can work just as well. They just need to show some type of change that connects with the audience.

My dad always prided himself on his thrift. In his home office, his desk was a plywood board stacked on top of eight egg crates. After he passed away, my mom thought of the office as his shrine. At Christmas, a year after his passing, I told Mom that I wanted to buy her a new desk.

“Oh, don’t be ridiculous,” she protested. “I don’t need that!”

I was a bit taken aback, because I thought she would love the idea. The more I persisted, the stronger her objection. Before going to bed, I told her, “I just thought you deserved a new desk.” The word “deserve” must have gotten her thinking. The next morning the first thing she said was, “When are we going to get the new desk?” She was elated after we brought it home because the room sud-denly seemed much nicer.

By changing the furniture, the room became a place that now belonged to both my mother and my father. It also helped her move on with this new phase of her

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M12 MEETINGS JANUARY 2013 ALASKA AIRLINES & HORIZON EDITION MAGAZINES

life. This seemingly minor change turned out to be really important.

I also found myself transformed by this event. I realized if I wanted to suggest a change, it worked best if I first planted the seed of the idea with my mother, and then let her mull it over for a while until it sprouted. She needed time to be comfort-able with a change.

That’s a good communication lesson that applies to many people.

Face your fearsA third type of story that all speakers should develop involves facing one’s fears.

I worked with a man who had a debilitat-ing fear of public speaking. He was a fire-man and had no problem running into a burning building, but the thought of standing on a stage in front of even just 30 people terrified him. He had a very impor-tant presentation coming up for the 10th anniversary of the September 11 terrorist attacks. We worked to help him overcome his fear and to develop a moving and mem-orable speech. At the end of our work, I knew he was going to do a great job. When I called him to find out how it went, he was ecstatic.

“It was great!” the firefighter exclaimed. “I was calm and confident, and my wife said it was perfect. Oh ... by the way, we had a good crowd. It was estimated at 5,000 people!”

This firefighter’s success is a story he could share with any audience to inspire them to overcome their fears and perceived limitations.

A message that resonatesWhether you are speaking at a meeting in front of 10 people or at a conference with 1,000 attendees, bringing personal stories into any talk will add depth and meaning to your message. The right stories, told with a personal touch, will resonate with the audience long after your presentation has come to an end. m

Jean Hamilton, founder and principal of

Speaking Results, helps executives develop

their presentation, communication and

leadership skills.