Child’s name: Date:-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Observation and Encouragement: What is an area that you have seen effort on their part in this week?:

What is an accomplishment you have seen them make this week?:

What is an area that they have improved in this week?:

What have they contributed to your life, your family, the community, and your household this week?:

What is a blessing you feel God saying to speak over them?:

How can you make an effort to speak their love language this week: (Gary Chapman The 5 Love

Languages of Children/Teenagers) What is something you enjoy doing with them that is as fun for you as them? Appointment/Play date- set timer 10-20 minutes and no interruptions (phone, adult wants, wandering thoughts, etc.)Words of Affirmation, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, Physical Touch, Quality Time

Loving Obedience William J. Richardson, P.H. D.

The Discipline Formula Worksheet (once every 4-8 weeks, how long it takes to break the habit)

Child’s Name: Date:-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------What specific behavior(s) need to be stopped?

What does the parent feel is the cause of the behavior? What is at the heart of the issue within the child’s own heart? Manipulation, anger, selfishness, etc. (Lou Priolo, Heart of Anger) (Tedd Tripp,

Sheparding a Child’s Heart) Get the children to see the heart of the issue, ask them questions that make them face the heart issue! (Ginger Plowman, Don’t Make Me Count to Three)

What specific behavior(s) is to be started?

What will the parents do to stop the problem behavior and start new behavior? A. Remove the benefit.B. Apply Corporal Punishment.C. Allow Natural/Logical consequence(s). (Lisa Whelchel, Creative Correction + Kevin Lehman, How To Have A New Kid By

Friday) D. Apply Biblical consequences. (Instruction In Righteousness, Teach them Diligently)

Loving Obedience William J. Richardson, P.H. D.

EXAMPLEThe Discipline Formula Worksheet (once every 4-8 weeks, how long it takes to break the habit)

Child’s Name: AVA Date:-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------What specific behavior(s) need to be stopped?Not being submitted to me as her parent-

Defiance- lack of cheerful obedience ( in face -Mean looks, In speech-mean words, in actions- slamming doors, crossed arms

Willfulness- no obeying, doing something else when I tell her to do something, ignoring/not listening to me.

What is the heart of the problem? What does the parent feel is the cause of the behavior?

Her lack of attention, me not paying attention/listening to her enough, my own frustration, anger, mean looks, etc. show up in her attitude…

What specific behavior(s) is to be started?

Obedience all the time, all the way, right way, with a happy heart…

What is at the heart of the issue within the child’s own heart? Manipulation, anger, selfishness, etc. (Lou

Priolo, Heart of Anger) (Tedd Tripp, Sheparding a Child’s Heart) Get the children to see the heart of the issue, ask them questions that make them face the heart issue! (Ginger Plowman, Don’t Make Me Count to Three)

Anger, manipulation

Is your attitude showing respect for me and honoring God? Are you obeying or disobeying? Are your actions showing that you are obeying with a happy heart?

What will the parents do to stop the problem behavior and start new behavior? 1. Remove the benefit.2. Apply Corporal Punishment.3. Allow Natural/Logical consequence(s). ((Lisa Whelchel, Creative Correction + Kevin

Lehman, How To Have A New Kid By Friday) 4. Apply Biblical consequences. (Instruction In Righteousness, Teach them Diligently)

Benefit is negative attention. isolate immediately! Send to their room and close the door. Replace with positive attention. Spend time specifically with her doing things she enjoys. Don’t let anything or anyone interrupt.

Disobedience is cause for corporal punishment (see Instruction In Righteousness) 3 spanking for 3 years old.

Biblical consequences- memorize verses below, pray together me for patience, gentleness, wisdom and teach her to ask for forgiveness from you, and confess her sins to God, and repent…

Habits,Character, and

DisciplineBook

Teach them ,even if they are just repeating your words at first to:1. Pray to God – confessing their sin i.e. “I’m sorry I was being greedy.”

2. Teach them to ask for forgiveness: I am sorry I ------------, next time I will ---------- instead.

Take time:

Time out: Time out 1 minute per year oldSpecial place designated Don’t allow to come out of time out until quiet

Readers- send to room to read the verses in their Bible and pray.

Spanking:

Time out first- for parents to be slow to anger: look up verses in the bible so the bible can be seen as useful for everyday, pray, then give spanking when you are calm1 spanking per year oldProverbs 22:15 Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; The rod of discipline will remove it far from him.

- Restitution:

Additional duties- Do something to help(clean up)Loss of privilegesGive something up, denial of something wanted, Loss of privilege.Alone time in their room.Early bedtime, leave activity(fun)Apologize!

Recognition:

praise in front of peers, from family and friends, Special dinner, ceremony, medal, crown, certificate…

Give:

Earn reward points, or give special time*Points can be small stickers for a sticker chart or pennies into a piggy bank

Reward:

Earn points towards activities, crafts, treats, or trips to the library, children’s museum or park

Alertness vs carelessnessAppreciative vs. ungratefulAttentive vs. distractionAvailability vs. self centerednessBenevolence vs. selfishnessBoldness vs. fearfulnessCautiousness vs rashnessCommitted vs. wishy washy Compassion vs. indifferenceConcerned vs. carefreeConfident vs. unsure, insecureConsiderate vs. inconsiderateConsistent vs. irregularContentment vs. covetousnessCooperative vs. contentiousCourage vs. cowardiceCreativity vs. underachievementDecisiveness vs. procrastinationDeference vs. rudenessDependability vs. inconsistencyDetermined vs. irresoluteDiligence vs. slothfulnessDiscernment vs. shortsightednessDiscretion vs. simplemindednessEfficient vs. wasteful (poor steward)Endurance vs. discouragementEnthusiasm vs. apathyEquitable vs. unfairFair vs. biasedFaith vs. presumptionFaithful vs. disloyalFearless vs. cowardlyFlexibility vs. resistance Forgiveness vs. rejection un-forgivenessFortitude vs. weaknessFriendly vs. snobbish, aloof, cold, distantGenerosity vs. stinginessGentleness vs. harshnessGratefulness vs. unappreciative

Honesty vs. lying dishonestyHonor vs. disrespectHumility vs. arroganceInitiative vs. idlenessJoyfulness vs. self pityJustice vs. corruptionKindness vs. crueltyLove vs. hatredLoyalty vs. unfaithfulnessMeekness vs. angerMerciful vs. hardheartedObedience vs. willfulnessObservant vs. inattentiveOptimistic vs. pessimistic Orderliness vs. confusionPatience vs. restlessnessPeaceful vs. violentPerseverance vs. vacillationPleasing vs. unpleasant Persuasiveness vs. contentiousnessPrudence vs. recklessPunctuality vs. tardinessPurposeful vs. indecisiveResourcefulness vs. wastefulnessRespectful vs. disrespectResponsibility vs. unreliabilitySecure vs. insecureSelf control vs. self indulgenceSensitivity vs. callousnessSincerity vs. hypocrisy Submissive vs. dominatingTactful vs. inconsiderateThoroughness vs. incompleteness shoddy workmanshipThriftiness vs. extravaganceTolerance vs. prejudiceTruthfulness vs. deceptionVirtue vs. impurityWisdom vs. foolishness

In The Little Book of Christian Character and Manners by William and Colleen Dedrick, there is a wonderful list in the back that are warning signs for parents who do not have authority in their home, or a signal that they are loosing control in their home:

 

1. My child whines, cries, and pouts when I say “no” to him. 2. I find myself reluctant to ask my child to help with any tasks because of his negative

reaction and inability to complete a job. He usually responds to my requests by whining or answers, “I can’t…or I don’t want to…”

3. There is an excessive amount of noise and confusion in my house: screaming, bickering, crying, hitting, rough behavior with furniture or toys, etc.

4. I am unable to leave food snacks or anything of personal value within my child's reach. 5. I am unable to leave my child (aged three or above) out of my sight or unattended in

another room for any period of time without being worried about what he is up to. 6. I am embarrassed or afraid to take my child to other homes or the restaurant because he is

so active (boisterous, silly, fidgety; he knocks things over and touches everything). 7. My child is unable to sit quietly for any length of time in a place I specify. 8. Going shopping is a fiasco because my children run through the clothes racks, or touch

everything in the store, or run away from me. 9. My child has a "smart mouth" (yells, uses abusive language, swears at me) or hits me. 10. My child throws tantrums, refuses to eat or do what he is asked to do. 11. My child takes things without asking and rummages through our drawers and cupboards. 12. My child does not come when called or respond to my voice from another room. 13. When I ask my child to do something I always have to explain "why" first. 14. Many of my child's toys are broken and he rarely puts any away—outdoors or indoors. 15. My child avoids doing what I ask by using flattering words, changing the subject, or doing

some other good deed instead. 16. My child gets my attention with loud, disrespectful demands, e.g.,"Hey, Mom! Get the __

for me!" or "I want __ !" or "Mom, come here!" 17. I find myself saying, "I can't do that because Suzy won't let me" or "I can't get Johnny to do

that..." 18. When I spank my child he pouts, responds in anger, screams, throws himself on the floors,

slams doors, prolongs his crying, coughs, or gags (attempts to vomit). 19. As I talk on the phone or chat with others, my child constantly interrupts or acts naughty,

demanding my attention. 20. My child is constantly bored, discontent, and looking for entertainment; wanting to play, he

grumbles at his work. 21. I am ready to pull my hair out. My child drives me crazy. I am so worn out all the time that I

can hardly wait to get a break from him at every opportunity.

Love of money

Love of self

Love of approval

Love of control (power)

Love of pleasure

Love of food

Love of sleep

Love of darkness

Love of simplicity

Love of cursing

Love of evil and falsehood

Love of silver and abundance

Love of one’s own life

Love of this present world

Love of the things of the world

Attentiveness: listening, not listening,

inattentive, distracted, busyListening with your whole being, your hands still, mouth quiet, ears listening, eyes watching, and heart calm.

Stop what you are doing and quiet yourself

Look at the person who is talking and listen

Wait until the person is finished speaking

repeat what they said back to them and ask questions

Obey

Proverbs 1:8 Listen, my son, to your father's instruction and do not forsake your mother's teaching.Proverbs 4:1 Listen, my sons, to a father's instruction; pay attention and gain understanding.Proverbs 1:33 but whoever listens to me will live in safety and be at ease, without fear of harm.Proverbs 4:20 My son, pay attention to what I say; listen closely to my words.Proverbs 8:32-34 Now then, my sons, listen to me; blessed are those who keep my ways. Listen to my instruction and be wise; do not ignore it. Blessed is the man who listens to me, watching daily at my doors, waiting at my doorway.Proverbs 22:17-18 Pay attention and listen to the sayings of the wise; apply your heart to what I teach, for it is pleasing when you keep them in your heart and have all of them ready on your lips.Proverbs 18:13 He who answers before listening— that is his folly and his shame.Proverbs 13:1 A wise son heeds his father's instruction, but a mocker does not listen to rebuke.

Sinful behavior- take off

Biblical reproof

consequences Righteous behavior- put on

Bible Blessing

Distracted, ignoring, inattentive

(may be disobedience)

Proverbs 1:8 Listen, my son, to your father's instruction and do not forsake your mother's teaching.

-Attentiveness-Listen

Proverbs 8:32-34 Now then, my sons, listen to me; blessed are those who keep my ways. Listen to my instruction and be wise; do not ignore it. Blessed is the man who listens to me, watching daily at my doors, waiting at my doorway.

Obedience-obey, disobedience,

willfulness, defiance.

It means that we should carry out the direction or expectation of those responsible for us

thoroughly(All the way)

quickly (right away)

cheerfully (with a happy heart and face and attitude).

Deuteronomy 11:1 You must love the LORD your God and obey all his requirements, decrees, regulations, and commands.Colossians 3:20 Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.Ephesians 6:1 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.Hebrews 13:17 Obey your leaders and submit to their authority. They keep watch over you as men who must give an account. Obey them so that their work will be a joy, not a burden, for that would be of no advantage to you.

SinfulBehavior- take off

Biblical reproof

consequence Righteous behavior- put on

Bible Blessing

disobedienceColossians 3:20Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.

Read story of Jonah -

Honoring Ephesians 6:2-3"Honor your father and mother"—which is the first commandment with a promise— "that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth."

Wise Words for Moms- Ginger PlowmanAre you obeying or disobeying?How did you disobey?How does God want you to obey? Obedience is immediate, all the time, all the way, right away, and with a happy heart.

When you disobey me you are disobeying God and it will not go will with you. I love you too much to allow you to disobey.

SinfulBehavior- take off

Biblical reproof

consequence Righteous behavior- put on

Bible Blessing

Disrespectfulness Romans 13:7…give respect and honor to those who are in authority.

-

respect

Obey those who rule over you, do what they say and be

submissive. Their work is to watch over your souls, and they are accountable to God. Give them

reason to do this with joy and not with

sorrow. That would certainly not be for

your benefit. Hebrews 13:17

SinfulBehavior- take off

Biblical reproof

consequence Righteous behavior- put on

Bible Blessing

DefianceThe wicked harden their face but the virtuous think before they act. Proverbs 21:29

-

submission

The wise in heart will accept and obey commandments if all you do is talk, you will destroy yourself. Proverbs 10:8

Wise words for Moms- Ginger Plowman

Are you obeying or disobeying with your attitude?Are you truly obeying when you obey with an unhappy heart?

It is wicked for you to harden your face and foolish for you to despise instruction. A wise heart accepts commands and a happy heart makes a cheerful face.

SinfulBehavior- take off

Biblical reproof

consequence Righteous behavior- put on

Bible Blessing

Not receiving instruction

-Back talk

- arguing

Proverbs 23:19My child, listen and be wise: and direct your mind on the way of the Lord.

-

Follows instruction

Proverbs 13:13He who scorns instruction will pay for it, but he who respects a command is rewarded.

From Creative Correction by Lisa Whelchel: Philippians 2:14-15 “Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may be blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe.”

“--------------- , you are a child of God and you shine like a star- but when you argue, your light begins to fade. God and I want you to always shine brightly, so please think about your attitude.”

To the tune of Twinkle Twinkle Little Star:

Twinkle Twinkle little starThat’s what God says you arePlease don’t argue or complain So you can shine again and againTwinkle twinkle little starThat’s what God says you are

Watch 3-2-1 Penguins – The Amazing Carnival

SinfulBehavior- take off

Biblical reproof

consequence Righteous behavior- put on

Bible Blessing

Temper Tantrum- anger

Psalm 4:4In your anger do not sin.

-

Meekness

patience

James 1:19…be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry…

SinfulBehavior- take off

Biblical reproof

consequence Righteous behavior- put on

Bible Blessing

Lack of self control

Proverbs 25:28A person without self-control is like a city with broken-down walls. -

Self-control

Self-discipline

2 Timothy 1:7 …[He has given us a spirit] of power and of love and of a calm and well-balanced mind and discipline and self-control.

SinfulBehavior- take off

Biblical reproof

consequence Righteous behavior- put on

Bible Blessing

Hitting, kicking, biting, throwing things

Ephesians 4:31Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.

gentlenessGalatians 5:22-23But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.

Matthew 7:12 So then, whatever you desire that others would do to and for you, … do also to and for them…Luke 6:31 Do to others as you would like them to do to you.

SinfulBehavior- take off

Biblical reproof

consequence Righteous behavior- put on

Bible Blessing

Fighting, starting fights

revenge

1 Peter 3:11Turn away from evil and do good.Search for peace, and work to maintain it.

Matthew 5:43Love your enemies. Pray for those who hurt you.

-Peacemaking

Proverbs 12:20…there is joy for those who work to bring peace.

SinfulBehavior- take off

Biblical reproof

consequence Righteous behavior- put on

Bible Blessing

foolishness

Temper tantrummanipulationCrying, arguing, grumbling, complaining-

Philippians 2:14Do everything without complaining or arguing…

-

wisdomProverbs 13:1A WISE child heeds their parent’s instruction and correction.

Holding a grudge/ Unforgiveness/ pouting

Proverbs 17:9He who covers over an offense promotes love, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends.

Proverbs 19:11A man's wisdom gives him patience; it is to his glory to overlook an offense.

Luke 6:37-42

Matthew 18:23-35

SinfulBehavior- take off

Biblical reproof consequence Righteous behavior- put on

Bible Blessing

Lying Proverbs 12:19Truthful words stand the test of time, but lies are soon exposed.

Tell story of King David

-

HonestyProverbs 12:22The Lord detests lying lips, but he delights in those who tell the truth.

SinfulBehavior- take off

Biblical reproof consequence Righteous behavior- put on

Bible Blessing

Sneakiness

deceitfulness

Proverbs 28:13He who conceals his sins does not prosper, but whoever confesses and renounces them finds mercy.

Tell story of King David -

HonestyProverbs 12:22The Lord detests lying lips, but he delights in those who tell the truth.

SinfulBehavior- take off

Biblical reproof

consequence Righteous behavior- put on

Bible Blessing

“mine”- Greed

Luke 12:1…a man's life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions… -

Contentment

Philippians 4:11…for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances…

SinfulBehavior- take off

Biblical reproof

consequence Righteous behavior- put on

Bible Blessing

Selfishness-

Not sharing

1 Timothy 6:18…be rich in good works and generous to those in need, always being ready to share with others.

-generosity

2 Corinthians 9:7bFor God loves a person who gives cheerfully.

Luke 6:35…lend, expecting nothing in return, and your reward will be great

SinfulBehavior- take off

Biblical reproof

consequence Righteous behavior- put on

Bible Blessing

Not saying thank you:

Rude,

un –appreciative

ungrateful

2 Timothy 3:2For people will love only themselves and their money. They will be boastful and proud, scoffing at God, disobedient to their parents, and ungrateful. They will consider nothing sacred.

-

Gratitude

Thankfulness

Ephesians 5:20…give thanks for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.

SinfulBehavior- take off

Biblical reproof

consequence Righteous behavior- put on

Bible Blessing

Self- centered:

Romans 12:10Honor one another above yourselves.

Philippians 2:4Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too.

-

Thoughtful:

Galatians 5:13b…serve one another in love.

SinfulBehavior- take off

Biblical reproof

consequence Righteous behavior- put on

Bible Blessing

Making more work for mommy

1 Corinthians14:40But everything should be done in a fitting and orderly way. -

HelpingRomans 12:10Honor one another above yourselves.

SinfulBehavior- take off

Biblical reproof consequence Righteous behavior- put on

Bible Blessing

Vandalism -Breaking things, not taking care of things

Proverbs 21:20…fools waste everything they have.

1 Corinthians 4:2… those who are trusted with something valuable must show they are worthy of that trust.

-

StewardshipMatthew 25:29To those who use well what they are given, even more will be given, and they will have an abundance.

Discernment-

So any person who knows what is right to do but does not do it, to him it is sin. James 4:17

Susanna Wesley example:

One day one of her daughters wished to do something which was notaltogether bad, but which was not right. When she was told not to do it, shewas not convinced.It was late and she and her mother were sitting beside a dead fire. Hermother said to her: “Pick up that bit of coal.” “I don’t want to,” said the girl. “Goon,” said her mother. “The fire is out, it won’t burn you.” “I know that,” said thegirl. “I know it won’t burn me but it will blacken my hands.” “Exactly,” saidSusannah Wesley. “That thing which you wish to do won’t burn, but it will blacken.Leave it alone.”

http://www.the-mothers-heart.com/SusannaWesleyRules.pdf