LOVE vs. LOVE vs. InfatuationInfatuation

Love Is……Love Is……Write it down on your Write it down on your

heart. heart.

The The Giving Giving TreeTree

By: Shel By: Shel SilversteinSilverstein

How would you describe How would you describe the kind of love the tree the kind of love the tree had?had?

How would you describe How would you describe the kind of love the boy the kind of love the boy had?had?

How did you describe How did you describe love?love?

Love is a feeling you feel when Love is a feeling you feel when you feel you are feeling a you feel you are feeling a

feeling you’ve never felt before.feeling you’ve never felt before.

LOVE LOVE according to Webster’s Dictionaryaccording to Webster’s Dictionary

Strong affection for another arising out of Strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties.kinship or personal ties.

Attraction based on sexual desire, affection, Attraction based on sexual desire, affection, and tenderness felt.and tenderness felt.

Connection based on admiration, benevolence, Connection based on admiration, benevolence, unselfish loyalty, concern for the good of unselfish loyalty, concern for the good of another, or common interestsanother, or common interests

Warm attachment, enthusiasm, or devotion, to Warm attachment, enthusiasm, or devotion, to hold dear.hold dear.

A score of zero, holding one’s opponent A score of zero, holding one’s opponent scoreless in tennis.scoreless in tennis.

We know for sure that….We know for sure that….

Love is vital to the well-being of a Love is vital to the well-being of a personperson– Elderly in rest homes or without spouseElderly in rest homes or without spouse

Love is based on and best expressed Love is based on and best expressed through trust, honesty, and respect.through trust, honesty, and respect.

There are many types of love that we There are many types of love that we receive daily.receive daily.

Before you can love anyone else, you Before you can love anyone else, you must first love yourself = Self Lovemust first love yourself = Self Love

Unconditional love Unconditional love

Showing love towards someone Showing love towards someone regardless of his or her actions or regardless of his or her actions or beliefsbeliefs

SELF-LOVESELF-LOVE

Respect and concern for selfRespect and concern for self An egotistic, narcissistic kind An egotistic, narcissistic kind

of love. of love.

COMPANIONSHIP LOVE.COMPANIONSHIP LOVE.

Typically found in good friendshipsTypically found in good friendships

PLATONIC LOVEPLATONIC LOVE

Spiritual and intellectual relationship Spiritual and intellectual relationship between a man and a woman. between a man and a woman.

Non sexual, no physical attractionNon sexual, no physical attraction

MANIC LOVEMANIC LOVE A crazy, possessive, A crazy, possessive,

jealous kind of love.jealous kind of love.

PRAGMATIC LOVEPRAGMATIC LOVE

A rational reasoning kind of love.A rational reasoning kind of love.

Arranged marriage

ROMANTIC LOVEROMANTIC LOVE

Also known as Also known as “puppy love”, is an “puppy love”, is an exaggerated form exaggerated form of love. of love.

ALTRUISTIC LOVEALTRUISTIC LOVE

Selfless love, or concern for the Selfless love, or concern for the spouse.spouse.

SEXUAL LOVE SEXUAL LOVE

The intimate expression of love. This type of The intimate expression of love. This type of love is best saved for a committed married love is best saved for a committed married couple couple

Love vs. Love vs. InfatuationInfatuation

Happens Happens quicklyquickly

Short-livedShort-lived Physical thrillsPhysical thrills JealousyJealousy Rush to marryRush to marry

Grows slowlyGrows slowly Long lastingLong lasting TrustTrust More realisticMore realistic More More

thoughtfulthoughtful

Each group will divide the Each group will divide the statements about love into statements about love into two piles. two piles. Infatuation and Infatuation and LoveLove

Love is ……..Love is …….. * Grows slowly, beginning with friendship* Grows slowly, beginning with friendship * Lasts over a long period of time* Lasts over a long period of time * Involves the entire character and personality of the partner* Involves the entire character and personality of the partner * The relationship grows and matures as time passes* The relationship grows and matures as time passes * Little jealousy—accepting of one another's feelings* Little jealousy—accepting of one another's feelings * Work harder at assigned tasks* Work harder at assigned tasks * Less emotional and moody—more happy and kind* Less emotional and moody—more happy and kind * Opinions of other people are not as important* Opinions of other people are not as important * Fun times and friendship are more important than a physical relationship* Fun times and friendship are more important than a physical relationship * Share common interests* Share common interests * Enjoy being together without need of expensive entertainment* Enjoy being together without need of expensive entertainment * Trust and have confidence in self and in the relationship* Trust and have confidence in self and in the relationship * Trust the partner* Trust the partner * There is no rush to make decisions—the future is planned with confidence* There is no rush to make decisions—the future is planned with confidence * More vital, more energy* More vital, more energy * See life realistically* See life realistically

Infatuation is ……….Infatuation is ………. Is common during teen yearsIs common during teen years * Grows rapidly—love at first sight* Grows rapidly—love at first sight * Does not last long* Does not last long * Occurs shortly after breaking up with someone—known as “on the rebound”* Occurs shortly after breaking up with someone—known as “on the rebound” * Is centered on a few admired traits in the other person* Is centered on a few admired traits in the other person * Is often based on physical traits or feelings* Is often based on physical traits or feelings * Does not see or acknowledge the other person's weaknesses* Does not see or acknowledge the other person's weaknesses * The relationship stays the same for a long time—does not go anywhere* The relationship stays the same for a long time—does not go anywhere * Selfish and possessive of the other person—jealous* Selfish and possessive of the other person—jealous * Disagreements are common -- fighting* Disagreements are common -- fighting * Daydream—cannot concentrate on necessary tasks* Daydream—cannot concentrate on necessary tasks * May lose your appetite* May lose your appetite * Is easily influenced by the person they are infatuated with* Is easily influenced by the person they are infatuated with * Creates a selfish relationship—"How can he/she help me get what I want?"* Creates a selfish relationship—"How can he/she help me get what I want?" * Other people's opinions matter too much* Other people's opinions matter too much * May be based on physical enjoyment–a couple who finds themselves bored * May be based on physical enjoyment–a couple who finds themselves bored

without physical stimulation without physical stimulation * Feelings of insecurity* Feelings of insecurity * Lack of trust in partner* Lack of trust in partner * Feels a real need to marry* Feels a real need to marry * Causes lack of ambition and to disregard problems* Causes lack of ambition and to disregard problems

Sex

Physical looks

Money and status

INFATUATION LOVE

Money and status

Sex

Physical looks

WEB

A Love A Love Attitude Attitude

InventoryInventoryON YOUR OWN PAPERON YOUR OWN PAPER

What Love Isn’tWhat Love Isn’tDear Abby, after 13 years of being with an abusive husband, I finally Dear Abby, after 13 years of being with an abusive husband, I finally

figured out what a jerk here really is. I sat down one day and wrote figured out what a jerk here really is. I sat down one day and wrote down all the things he has put me through and titled it, “Love isn’t”….down all the things he has put me through and titled it, “Love isn’t”….

• Raising you hand with intent to scare or harm your spouse.Raising you hand with intent to scare or harm your spouse.• Making yourself absent when your spouse is sickMaking yourself absent when your spouse is sick• Standing them up for important celebrationsStanding them up for important celebrations• Screaming or yelling at themScreaming or yelling at them• Calling them names: stupid, liar, #!@%Calling them names: stupid, liar, #!@%• Being nice only when you want affectionBeing nice only when you want affection• Not letting them express their opinionsNot letting them express their opinions• Thinking of yourself firstThinking of yourself first• Criticizing them in front of other peopleCriticizing them in front of other people• Threatening them Threatening them • Being physically, verbally, and emotionally abusiveBeing physically, verbally, and emotionally abusive

Ladder of Ladder of LoveLove

Mature love for Mature love for othersothers

Love for childrenLove for children

Love for the Love for the opposite sexopposite sex

Love for someone Love for someone the same sex, olderthe same sex, older

Love for same sex Love for same sex friendfriend

First love outside First love outside the familythe family

Love of other Love of other relativesrelatives

Love for secondary Love for secondary caregivercaregiver

Love for primary Love for primary caregivercaregiver

Self-loveSelf-love

Love for humankind, very unselfish Love for humankind, very unselfish love.love.

Unselfish love with ability to love Unselfish love with ability to love without expecting anything in return.without expecting anything in return.

Begins with interest in the other sex Begins with interest in the other sex and continues throughout life.and continues throughout life.

Role model and exemplified what you Role model and exemplified what you wanted to become.wanted to become.

Close friend of the same age and sex.Close friend of the same age and sex.

You had fun with this person and loved You had fun with this person and loved him for the times shared.him for the times shared.

Love of a relative which brought a Love of a relative which brought a special sense of security.special sense of security.

This person met your needs and cared This person met your needs and cared for you. Usually your father.for you. Usually your father.

Your primary caregiver (usually Your primary caregiver (usually mother).mother).

Until you love yourself, you cannot Until you love yourself, you cannot truly love another. truly love another.

Look at yourLook at your“ABCs of Love.”“ABCs of Love.”

What types of love were What types of love were the characteristics you the characteristics you

listed?listed?