LOVE & SUPPORTHelping your child succeed in school (and life)

Mrs. CJ Fisher & Mrs. Katie BrownELL Family Night, 12/12/12

Shuksan Middle School

Why We’ve Gathered Tonight

Families’ attitudes

and actions can ensure students success.

Families will gain practical strategies for supporting their child's learning and success at school

Families will choose two learning actions to try at home

Families will learn that other parents face similar difficulties at home and feel a sense of community.

Truth #1

#1. Children need love and support before they need academic tutoring

What leads to student success?

Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child, Dr. John Gottman

"Studies show that children who feel respected

and valued in their families do better in school,

have more friendships, and live healthier,

more successful lives.”

Support = showing empathy

What it is:Empathy is an

understanding what a child feels

It is a true understanding that the task is difficult.

You don’t have to agree to empathize

POSSIBLE ACTION

What it sounds like:

"Yes, it will probably be a tough [assignment] today. C'mon, let me help you get ready."

youthsports.rutgers.edu

Support = speaking love & encouragement

On average, we have 20 minutes a day to… ◦ register a complaint,

a command, or a request for assistance

As kids grow older, the ratio of negative to positive comments appears to increase

POSSIBLE ACTION

Try to up your ratio of positive to negative comments.

4:1? 5:1? 8:1? The number

doesn’t matter… the impact is what matters.

familyeducation.com

Words that make kids feel great

Yes    Good    Fine    Very good    Very fine    Excellent Marvelous   That’s right    Correct    Wonderful    I like the way you do that    I’m pleased with (proud of ) youThat’s good    Wow    Oh boy   Very nice    Good work   

Great going    Good for you    Great effortThat’s the way

Much better       O.K.    You’re doing better    Good idea    What a clever idea

That’s it    Good job    Great job controlling yourself    I like the way you ______

I noticed that you ____      Keep it up    I had fun ______ with youYou are improving at ______ more and more    

You showed a lot of responsibility when you ______Way to go    I appreciate the way you ______   

You are great at that    You’re the bestGood remembering    That’s beautiful    I like your______

I like the way you ______ with out having to be asked

Truth #2Families do play a critical role

in students’ academic success

as strategic coaches, not demanding bossesYe

s!

ATTITUDES OF SUPPORTIVE FAMILIES

Praise kids for working hard, not for being

smart

Brain Rules by Dr. John

Medina

What can happen when we praise kids

for being smart?

Encourage “personal

best”

Personal best does not

mean perfect

Learning is not the same thing as high

grades

We all need the freedom to learn from our mistakes

Show interest in school work

Avoid nagging and over-

interrogating about home

work

Here are some more great

ideas….

Show Interest In School by…

Talk about school each day.Ask to see class work.Listen to your child read aloud Read to and with your child from

a variety of material in your first language.

Contact teachers for Wednesday meetings

ACTIONS OF SUPPORTIVE FAMILIES

Help set goals.

Grades

Activities

Behaviors

Organize with your

child.

Backpack

Agenda/Planner

Binder

Establish homework

routine

Same place and

time every day

Support 100 %

attendance

Attendance linked

to graduatio

n rates

Truth #3All families experience

academic and school difficulties.

There are many resources (other parents included) to

help solve specific problems.

ADVICE FROM “Help on the Home Front for Disappointing

Grades,” from Getting to Calm by Dr. Laura Kastner

Don’t make

it worse.

Keep a positive relation-

ship.

Link homework and good grades to

social freedoms

or to temporary

prizes.

Organize the home

space.

Organize the home space. Teens may need their

parents’ help in planning, organizing and persisting.

Intrude as little as possible

Help a disorganized teen manage his social and athletic life to include a time and place for concentrating on schoolwork.

POSSIBLE ACTION◦ Decide on a block of

time for home study hall◦ Limit access to media.◦ Figure out the best

location◦ Determine whether

parent “coaching” will be effective

◦ Consult with teachers or school counselors, who may have additional ideas and insights into the problem.

Strategies When Grades Slip

Make a plan with your

student’s input

Make homework time, learning

time

Ask for help

Getting to Calm (Kastner, p. 213)

Make a plan with your student’s input.

They won’t do it, if they don’t buy in.

What plan can you create with your student to improve grades?

POSSIBLE ACTION◦ Create a

homework contract with your student

◦ Use it for a limited time

◦ Monitor◦ Check in◦ Adjust◦ Celebrate

Make homework time, learning time.

How can you respond if your student says, “I don’t have homework!

POSSIBLE ACTION

Make study time a priority

Use Learning Time Checklist or other resources for additional learning activities

Reach out for help.Since all families

experience these problems, there are many, many resources.

POSSIBLE ACTION

Use problem/solution cards for strategic intervention

Call your student’s teachers

Join a parent class like “Strengthening Families”

Truth #4Sometimes,

we all benefit from taking a step back.

Getting to Calm (Kastner), p. 225

The Big 10 Characteristics of a Successful Teen

Motivation and drivePractical reasoning and judgmentMoral attentiveness and characterEmotional awarenessHealthy habitsSelf-control and emotional managementSocial skillsCommunication skillsIntellectual interests and abilitiesSpiritual awareness

How can we set up our students for success in life?

Getting to Calm (Kastner), p. 225

Focus on an

authoritative and warm

relationship with

students

View intellectual interests

as only one of a

whole set of

developing

characteristics

What are some take-aways from tonight’s discussion?

*Let’s review our checklist. Select 2-4 strategies you would like to start using with your student.

*Write a note of encouragement. If you’d like to take a moment to connect with your student, blank note cards are available.

*Thank you for attending tonight. This presentation and other handouts will be available on Shuksan’s webpage in the “Families” section. Please contact any Shuksan staff member with any questions or concerns.

ResourcesThese resources were consulted in the preparation of this class

U.S. Department of Education www.Scholastic.com/parents

www.Internet4classrooms.com/parents www.School.Familyeducation.com

www.Parentmap.com Brain Rules by John Medina

Beyond Smart by Linda Morgan Getting to Calm by Kastner & Wyatt

www.Gettingtocalm.com “Parent to Parent” videos on King 5 or at parentmap.com

40 Developmental Assets for Adolescents

www.search-institute.org

The Lawrence Hall of Science at UCAL, Berkeley

www.Lawrencehallofscience.org/parents/support