LOVE

LOVE Love is an interesting thing. It is so prevalent in our world. Songs, movies, books…dating back as long as we have written history and even farther back into ancient stories first passed along orally. And yet for all its presence in our culture, it’s still such an incredible unknown.

Which in large part is probably because love is unique for each person and for each situation. The love a parent has for a child is not the same as the love one feels for their spouse or partner. It’s possible to love an activity or a pet and yet those accompanying emotions are very different than relationship love.

To make it even more complex, the nuances get even more unique depending on our own individual mindsets, upbringing, and cultural perspectives.… Which is what makes love so extraordinarily complex.

And yet despite all that, love is also so simple. We instantly know it when we feel it. Even if we can’t explain it to someone else.

Love is also unique in that sometimes it shows up in ways you’d never expect. Like while changing diapers.

About ten years ago, I was given the gift of fatherhood. A role I could never see myself in until I was in it. And through that gift, I have learned about love in ways I didn’t expect. Starting with…the diaper changing.

Prior to becoming a father I had never changed a diaper. I had never actually been around a baby who needed a new diaper or was getting a diaper put on. As a matter of fact, I hadn’t even held a diaper, baby wipe, or even a baby, except for a three minute stint holding my nephew for a picture.

My experience level was nothing. I had absolutely zero frame of reference other than I thought I understood the concept. A baby goes to the bathroom in a diaper. A diaper is sort of like a stretchy pair of pull on pants. Once the baby has gone in their diaper, the parents have to clean up the entire mess. And this goes on many, many times every day for years until the baby grows up enough that they can manage things on their own. In other words, an unpleasant necessity which will need to be taken care of many times in the first years of parenting.

My father used to take great pride in telling others that not only did he never change a diaper for his own three children, he had not done it for any of his six grandchildren either. Which given my limited understanding of diaper changing, sounded like a good plan if you could get away with it.

But then my daughter arrived. A tiny, helpless, little person without the capacity to take care of herself. She could not sit on a toilet, or wipe her own bottom. She couldn’t even

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LOVE

turn over on her own. I had invited her into the world, my world, and she was counting on me to help her.

And when I changed my first diaper, I realized something special. My father had missed out on one of the greatest things in life. Because when your child is crying for help, and you gently clean her, help her, put on a new diaper, re-snap on her little one piece outfit, and gently place her on your shoulder and hold her, it isn’t a horrible, messy experience. It’s love.

A wonderful, deep in the soul kind of love like no other. Because you quickly realize what trust your child puts in you. They arrive completely helpless. They are counting on you for food, for shelter, for diaper changing. Without those, they cannot survive. They have entered into an experience so fragile, that each day their life will hang in the balance, so that their parents can experience compassion, caring, and love.

What an incredible gift they give. A selfless act like no other. This reality flowed through me as I changed my daughter’s diaper for the first time. It inspired me to find ways to let her know how grateful I was for her gift.

When she would cry in the middle of the night and I would go get her, no matter how tired I was, I mades sure I put a smile on my face before I walked into her room. I wanted her to know that I was glad she was my child. I was glad she was there.

I challenged myself to find ways to make small things fun for her. Because even though she was just a couple of months old, couldn’t speak, and could hardly move around on her own, I wanted her to know that life was fun. And it was fun for me because she was in my life.

I created a routine for after her bath, where as I would dry her off and put on her new tiny little baby clothes, I would tell her a story. I just made something up about a monkey and a parrot, but at the same part in the story, I would always give a big pause, and then say, “baby kisses”, and I would make all kinds of silly noises and give her kisses on her cheeks. She would laugh and giggle. And she became so familiar with the routine that as soon as I would give the big pause in the story, even before I’d say “baby kisses,” she would start to giggle.

Unlike my previous perception of parenting, which was all about how much responsibility it entailed, I was realizing that wrapped within the responsibility is the opportunity for an incredible amount of love.

My daughter is now a long way from the days of diapers and “baby kisses”. But the love has remained, and at each phase I find there are new life lessons she teaches me. Children have this incredible astuteness which cuts right to the truth of a situation.

One of the most profound of those is the importance of loving ourselves. That might sound simple, but throughout my years of working with others to help them discover their Big Five for Life, one of the biggest obstacles I have observed in people is that they’ve disconnected with what they love.

Adults often don’t allow themselves to spend time on what they love, or in many cases they no longer even remember what those loves are. So their lives become less and less exciting. Less and less fun and fulfilling. The thought of waking up to a new day contains more dread than enthusiasm.

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LOVE

Children are the opposite of this. When they love to read, they spend time reading. When they love to climb trees, you find them climbing trees. And the idea of not reading, or not climbing trees, seems completely ludicrous to them. This is love. They love themselves and the experience of life enough that they allow themselves to be connected with what brings them joy and makes them excited about life.

As adults we can learn a lot from this. Because just as changing diapers can either be a messy, unpleasant experience, or an opportunity to demonstrate love, so can the way we spend our time. It’s all about perspective and choice.

The start of a new year is an excellent time to reflect on our status with love. Starting with how much we are willing to love ourselves. Are we excited about life? Are we excited about the prospect of facing a whole new year of existence? Do we know what we love to do? Are we allowing ourselves do those things? Or are we trying to just make it through another day, another month, another year?

One of the unique aspects of being a parent is how it gives time a different perspective. You have this tiny baby, which is constantly growing, eventually becoming an infant, then toddler, on up to young adult. As you see their progress it reminds you in a very obvious way that your own life is passing too. And passing quickly.

Just as children fight for the opportunity to do what they love, it’s important that we adults allow ourselves to do the same. Statistically speaking, most people will get seventy-eight years of life. Take your age, subtract from seventy-eight, and multiply by three hundred and sixty five. Statistically speaking, that’s how many days you have left to go on the adventures you’ve always dreamt of, see the places you’ve always envisioned in your mind, have the experiences you’ve always wished for.

Knowing that number, and having that perspective, helps us bring back the resoluteness children have about spending time doing what they love. It’s an important characteristic to bring into our lives, because it cuts through the noise of life and brings us back to what really matters most.

As 2018 begins, allow yourself to get clear about the way you want to live. Allow yourself to discover an existence in which your love of life is so strong that you look forward to each and every day with an enthusiasm and passion the likes of which you have never before experienced.

For that is truly one of the most precious aspects of love which exists.

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