8/14/2019 Loosing You

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I'm continuously walking down the same road, a road where the sun is shining bright.

Blue sky is all around me and the sun is pounding down on my shoulders, I take my

jumper off and put around my waist. I breathe the fresh air, going through my

thoughts, thinking about my life. The happiness I'm feeling inside when a thought of

you come across my mind. It's not an unusual thought to have, yet this one I find hardto concentrate on.

I try pushing it out of my mind with abrupt force. It's a daydream; that will be nothing

more than that. I don't want it to come real, because, then, who will I think about? I

have more than one daydream, but I shouldn't really do that. It won't harm anyone will

it? Surely they are my thoughts? But, my mind reflects on my face. I don't see why I

try denying anything anymore. It's too obvious.

There is going to be a time, like now, when I'm walking towards the storm. I was so

absorbed in my thoughts I didn't think to realise there's the sound angry engines,roaring at me. Telling me to keep walking. That this is the way I need to go. That the

sun isn't where I should be. It doesn't help me. Do I know what's good for me now?

Do I need to follow these cars?

I'm travelling down this long narrow road, seeing a dark cloud ahead. The place

where it'll feels everything ends. If I carry on down that road, into the darkness. That's

how I'd feel if I lost you.

The sunshine would be a distance memory, everything I've known these last few yearswould be vanished. To never see your face again, hurts the core. My heart? Does it

even have a beat anymore? I'm instantly miserable, who's going to be there for me

now? What's the point anymore? I hurt. Physically aching, wanting him to be back in

my life. I can't have him around my life anymore. I miss you. I miss your laugh, your

smile and the way you look at me. I won't ever know what's going on in your life, the

good, the bad; all the things I want to know more than anything. You are my best

friend. You always will be, I promise you. No friend could ever replace you. Nor

would I want them to. It wouldn't be possible.

I have your eyes burning my mind. The sadness. Tears. It's tearing me up. Hesitatingwith what to say and do. Suddenly wanting the power to do something about this

mess. Knowing deep down, there's nothing for the moment. The sadness in your face,

heartbreaking. If only we could do something. Run away from the darkness, back to

the sunshine.

Maybe you'd pretend you didn't care? Walking away, throwing your arms up in

exasperation. Be defensive and say something harsh to make it feel better for you?

Only I'd know you'd regret it as soon as you said it. Look at me to see the effect.

Possibly threaten to ruin a promise? You know what they mean to me. Yes, I'd be that

little more heartbroken, but, really, nothing could feel much worse than having toloose you.

8/14/2019 Loosing You

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I know all this, before it really happens. Can visualise it in my mind. The pain. Shows

how much, I actually do know about everything. Friendship. Trust. Love. Knowing

you. Most of all, being best friends.

I have to find a way without you now. I know you're going to be OK my love. You

have things that better, more worthy of you. Don't hate me. Don't even be upset. I

know the words hurt, but I've never meant for it this time. I wish I could really showyou how I feel. How it destroying me, so slowly. Over more time, it's only going to

get stronger. It's not what we are about. You can only begin to imagine how I feel. I'm

sorry I've left us to this point.

The darkness is pulling me away. I can only let it. I don't have the strength to fight it

anymore. It's been hurting me too long. I'm sorry. I am, deeply sorry. You know

you're my everything. Literally. This is why; I have to do this. You know where you

can find me. You know my mind. How I think, how I proceed. Go with it. Your

instincts will tell you all you need to know. I am not going to let you go. You arealways with me. Remember that.

This is not where I want to be, but may have to be? I have to concentrate on a new

life. Learning a new way of living. You're not coming back. My heart is breaking.

Violently.

I love you. I'm sorry.