Looking at Student Work

Personal Narratives

11/3/2013The College of New Jersey

Jessie Schepis

Jessie Schepis

10/23/13

Looking at Student Work Assignment

Assignment Context

a. The assignment is for 5th grade bilingual.

b. The assignment fits into the writing curriculum because the students just wrote fictional

narratives. Now they are writing nonfiction narratives about their lives: personal

narratives. Next, the students are writing to inform. They are writing persuasive and

informational research five paragraph papers.

c. This assignment addresses the W.5.3a of the Common Core Standards- “Orient the reader

by establishing a situation and introducing a narrator and/or characters; organize an event

sequence that unfolds naturally.” It also addresses W.5.3b “Use narrative techniques,

such as dialogue, description, and pacing, to develop experiences and events or show the

responses of characters to situations.”

Description of the task

Our curriculum does not provide room for another assignment so I worked with what we

were already doing with the class which is personal narratives. I taught a mini-lesson on what a

personal narrative is and what you should include (see anchor chart below).The students were

asked to choose a “small moment,” like a seed on a watermelon of their life and write about that.

The students wrote a prewriting and 2-3 drafts. They read their final drafts to the third grade

bilingual class at an author’s chair celebration.

Personal Narrative Writing Rubric

Miss Schepis and Mrs. Toro-Mays 5th grade bilingual

4 (A) 3 (B) 2 (C) 1 (D)

Focus and organization

The writing fully focuses on a small moment from the

student’s life in sequential order using transition

words.

The writing focuses on a small moment from the student’s life in sequential order sometimes using transition

words.

The writing strays from the focus on a small moment

from the student’s life and/or is not fully in sequential

order using transition words.

The writing does not focus on a small moment

from the student’s life

and/or is not in sequential order.

Details

The writing paints a clear picture of the story by containing

more than one detail of mood,

sound, background, number, size, and

color.

The writing paints a picture of the story

by containing at least one detail of

each of the following: mood,

sound, background, number, size, and

color.

The writing contains at least one detail of 3-5

out of the following 6

categories: mood, sound,

background, number, size, and

color.

The writing contains 1-2

details out of the following 6

categories: mood, sound,

background, number, size, and

color.

5 W’s (Who?, what?, when?,

where?, and why?)

The writing fully answers each of

the 5 W’s (Who?, what?, when?,

where?, and why?) with details.

The writing answers each of

the 5 W’s (Who?, what?, when?,

where?, and why?)

The writing answers 3-4 of the

5 W’s (Who?, what?, when?,

where?, and why?)

The writing answers 1-2 of

the 5 W’s (Who?, what?, when?,

where?, and why?)

Lead/Hook

The writing starts with an interesting,

appropriate, and detailed lead/hook that engages the

reader.

The writing starts with an appropriate

lead/hook that engages the

reader.

The writing introduces the

story, but with no lead/hook.

The writing does not start with a

lead/hook or introduce the

story.

Spelling, capitalization,

punctuation, and sentence structure

The writing contains 0-1 errors.

The writing contains 2-3 errors.

The writing contains 4-6

errors.

The writing contains 7 or more errors.

Groups

High- Y and GMiddle- M and JLow- Y and C

Analysis of performance (first draft uncorrected)

a. Class and individual students

As a class, the students performed at a B- average (2.2 on the rubric) on their first drafts.

The lowest grade was a C-and the highest was a B. This is average, but could definitely be

improved upon. The majority of the requirements were addressed, however not expanded

upon.

As a majority, the students focused on one small moment and wrote in sequential order

of events. They used some transition words, but could have used more or could have used them

more effectively. G had one sentence in an arbitrary spot, which he corrected in his final draft. C

did not really stay focused on a small moment. He talked about his trip to Guatemala generally

and did not go into detail about what he did there. It was hard to follow because he did not

transition from event to event.

The class as a whole generally addressed most of the 5 Ws (who, what, when, where,

and why). YC explained all of them with adjectives and details. G, M answered all of them, but

did not add details. J and Y did not answer “when.” Y also did not answer “why.” C had a lot of

trouble. He did not fully answer “what” in a focused manner. He also did not answer “when” or

“why.”

The class needs to work on adding details and adjectives to enhance and explain their

writing. In M’s story, he only mentioned size and color and mood once (“happy”). J only included

color and none of the other 6 categories. Y and C only used the word “happy” for the detail of

mood.

One concept none of the students understood enough to apply was the hook/lead. G,

M, and Y introduced their stories with “One day…” YC started with “On October 19, 2013 at 8

o’clock I went to a haunted corn field.” J began, “I celebrated my cousin’s birthday with…” C

opened up, “When I was 8 I went to Guatemala in 2008.” None of the students began with

onomatopoeia, a simile or metaphor, a question, etc. to get the reader hooked.

A huge mechanical problem is spelling. Because the class is bilingual, the students

pronounce some words incorrectly. Then, they try to spell them the way they hear them

pronouncing them. The students need some phonetics development and spelling practice. They

should refer to their list of common words we gave them.

b. Groups

The high group, YC and G addressed all of the 5 W’s; YC elaborated with more detail.

They focused on a small moment, wrote in sequential order, and sometimes used transition

words. They both had more than 7 spelling, capitalization, or punctuation errors. G had many

more however. He had 21 mechanical errors and Y only had 7. The two of them introduced the

story, but with no hook. YC had a lot of details, however G only had a few.

The middle group, M and J both wrote in sequential order, and sometimes used

transition words. They both had trouble including a lot of details. M answered all of the 5 W’s

and J answered 4 out of 5. The two of them introduced the story with no hook. They both had a

lot of spelling and capitalization errors. J had 12 and M had 29.

In the low group, Y focused on a small moment in sequential order sometimes using

transition words. C did not focus on a small moment. He talked about his whole vacation

generally. Y and C both struggled a lot with including details. They only included mood by using

the word “happy.” They only answered 2-3 out of the 5 Ws and did start with a lead. They both

had 25 mechanical errors. The students in each group actually ended up mostly having

individually different weaknesses.

Cooperating teacher reactions and suggestions

I followed what Mrs. Toro-Mays usually has the students do with their writing after the first

draft except I also had them write their own corrections and additions in red pen before we went over

them with the students. Mrs. Toro-Mays and I had writing conferences with each student. We read the

story out loud to them and asked them how they should change anything that did not sound right. We

marked those as well as spelling, punctuation, and word usage corrections in purple pen. We made sure

the students had everything contained in the rubric, and if not, we asked them questions to prompt

them. They wrote a new and final draft to hand in.

After grading the final drafts of the writing, she suggested that we do a mini-lesson on

capitalization. All of the students did not capitalize the many of the words that they should have

capitalized, even after instruction in the writing conferences. Some also put capitals where they should

not have been.

She also proposed that we do a mini-lesson and activity with hook. The students did not

understand the concept well enough to apply it. They could not think of hooks, so we think they need

more modeling and practice.

Instructional suggestions

The students corrected and added to their first draft in red pen and had a friend read and

correct in red pen. Then, my co-op Mrs. Toro-Mays and I had writing conferences with each student. We

read the story out loud to them and asked them how they should change anything that did not sound

right. We marked those as well as spelling, punctuation, and word usage corrections in purple pen. We

made sure the students had everything contained in the rubric, and if not, we asked them questions to

prompt them like “What sounds did you hear?” or “How were you feeling when that happened?” This

allowed them to think about what details they could add to improve their story. Then, they were

instructed to write a second draft including the corrections and additions to the story.

To make the assignment an authentic one, I had each of the students read their personal

narratives to the third grade class at an author’s chair time. They were learning about and going to start

writing personal narratives in class as well.

After grading the final drafts, I thought about what I can do to help the students with future

writing. Every group and student needs a mini-lesson on capitalization. All of the students did not

capitalize the many of the words that they should have capitalized including the first letter of every

sentence, even after instruction in the writing conferences. Some also put capitals where they should

not have been. Mrs. Toro-Mays and I plan to give the students the “Rules for Capitalization” page to

keep in their writing folder and refer to when they write. I am also going to make an anchor chart to go

over with the students and put in the classroom. Then, the students will be instructed to go through

their new story and check and correct their capitalization.

All of the students, but especially M and C would benefit from extra spelling practice. We have

given the students a list of common words to reference as they write. M repeatedly spelled “was” and

“because” wrong, so I will add them to his list in bold. We plan to encourage them to look at it more

often and also use the dictionary more often. We could also have a weekly spelling list and quiz.

I also plan to do a mini-lesson and activity with hook. Each student in every group was able to

introduce the story with something like “One day…” but not using a hook/lead. They could not think of

hooks, so we think they need more modeling and practice. I plan to give them a sheet on ideas for hooks

which includes starting with a metaphor or simile, a question, an anecdote, and onomatopoeia. Then,

they will have practice writing their own examples of each category. Afterwards, they will think of which

kind they want to use in their current writing.

Lastly, the whole class (some more than others) needs to work on adding details and adjectives

to enhance and explain their writing. I am going to put a temporary ban on using the word “happy.” M,

J, Y, and C used that word for mood. The students will have to use a thesaurus or think of another word

that means “happy” to use instead of that. I will also make a bulletin board of synonyms for happy for

the students to reference. I think one of the root problems is a lack of vocabulary. I plan to have a word

of the day to encourage the students to use more specific and descriptive words. J, Y, and C will be

asked to go back and check that his writing has the 5 Ws before handing it in.