Loner by Nilla

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HI , ALL!
MY NAME IS A DDIE , AND I ABSOLUTELY LOVE THIS FANFIC BY NILLA , LONER. I THOUGHT I’ D SHARE IT WITH YOU ALL , AND LET YOU KNOW THAT IT IS A MUST -
READ! SERIOUSLY , IF YOU LIKE TWILIGHT FAN - FICTION , THIS IS ONE OF THE BEST ONES OUT THERE . IT IS HOWEVER , AN AU - AH STORY , AND CONTAINS MENTION OF
RAPE AND ABUSE , SO IF YOU CAN ’ T HANDLE THAT , OR ARE UNDERAGE , I HIGHLY
SUGGEST YOU LEAVE THIS ONE BE .
I FIND IT IMPORTANT TO SAY ONCE MORE , THAT I DID NOT WRITE THIS . I WANT
ALL THE CREDIT TO GO WHERE IT IS RIGHTLY DESERVED. N ILLA , WHO YOU CAN
FIND ON TWILIGHTED. NET , WROTE THIS IN A STROKE OF PURE GENUIS . A LSO ,
OF COURSE , STEPHANIE MEYER IS CREDITED WITH ALL THE IDEAS OF TWILIGHT –
THE CHARACTER , THE SETTING , ETC .
ENJOY . YOURS IN ALL THINGS TWILIGHTED ,
A DDIE .
LONER by Nilla
Summary: Edward Cullen was a loner, an outcast. He clearly hated everybody, including himself. He was not a nice person. So, why was I so drawn to him? nd
why did I get the cra!y feeling he felt the same way?
WARNING: Th "#$% &'' ()*' &"h "h) *+")$*"h #+ h'( */) *0( $*1). I+ "h*"
#"h)$ %#/ "## /h, I "$#02'% $)#)0( "h*" %#/ (#0’" $)*(.
CHAPTER 1
CHAPTER 2
CHAPTER 3
CHAPTER 4
CHAPTER 5
CHAPTER 6
CHAPTER 7
CHAPTER 8
CHAPTER 9
CHAPTER 10
CHAPTER 11
CHAPTER 12
CHAPTER 13
CHAPTER 14
CHAPTER 15
CHAPTER 16
CHAPTER 17
CHAPTER 18
CHAPTER 19
CHAPTER 20
CHAPTER 21
CHAPTER 22
CHAPTER 23
CHAPTER 24
CHAPTER 25
CHAPTER 26
CHAPTER 27
CHAPTER 28
CHAPTER 29
CHAPTER 30
E"#$
I heard the door open and fought bac% the urge to hide under the covers. &y heart
was beating wildly in my chest, but I refused to give him the satisfaction of seeing
me cry. I could feel the bed shift as he sat down, and held my breath, wondering
8/9/2019 Loner by Nilla
what I had done wrong this time. 'ot that it really mattered, of course. He would
always find a reason to punish me.
s much as I wanted to run, preferably as far away as possible, I %new it wasn(t an
option. )ecause I had no place to go. So I remained where I was, waiting for what
was about to come and silently praying that *ust this once, it would be over +uic%ly. I wouldn(t get my hopes up, though. It was the same thing almost every
night, and tonight would be no different.
I could smell the ree% of alcohol, coming off him in waves, and wasn(t sure
whether or not to be relieved. I was only nine years old, but had long since learned
the meaning of being drun%. If I was luc%y, he would be too tired to do things
properly. )ut I also %new that alcohol sometimes affected his behavior in a bad
way. ears of e-perience had taught me never to ta%e him for granted.
ames had been married to my mother for as long as I could remember. He rarely spo%e to me during the days, but at night, he %ept coming into my room. I was
used to it by now, still, I never really understood what I did that was so horrible
that I deserved to be punished li%e that.
/he first blow came as a total surprise and I accidentally bit my tongue. I could
feel the taste of blood in my mouth, but somehow, my brain didn(t register any
pain. However, the fear caused my heart to start beating even faster. /he fact that
ames had started beating me without e-plaining why was a bad sign0 usually he
made a big show of letting me %now the e-act reason for every single punch, so I
would remember not to ma%e the same mista%e again.
I had learned the hard way that showing any sign of fear or pain would only ma%e
things worse, so I somehow managed to remain silent as he %ept hitting me, only
gasping for air between the punches. 1inally he stopped, and I felt relief welling
up inside me. It hadn(t been so bad this time.
/hen I heard the familiar sound of a !ipper being pulled down, and the relief
+uic%ly got replaced with despair. I had been wrong0 it was far from being over. It
was only the beginning...
/he first time I saw Edward Cullen, we literally ran into each other. #r, to be more
accurate, I ran into him. I was in a hurry and didn(t watch where I was going, not
that I needed an e-cuse to be clumsy. 1or some reason, stumbling over my own
feet *ust came naturally to me.
It was my second day at 1or%s High School, and people %ept treating me li%e I was some %ind of celebrity. /he attention made me feel more than a little
uncomfortable0 I *ust wanted to blend in. )ut, seeing how my father was head of
the police force in this small town 2 %nown to everyone as Chief Swan 2 my arrival
was unfortunately pretty big news.
I wasn(t e-actly popular at my old school0 to tell the truth, I only had a few people
I called friends, none of them very close. )ut since I moved here, I noticed that
people actually searched me out0 wanted to hang out with me. It was all new to
me, and %ind of confusing, since I had never thought of myself as interesting in
any way. Honestly, I had always preferred to %eep to myself.
/his one guy, &i%e 'ewton, %ept following me around li%e a puppy, which
annoyed the hell out of me, although I didn(t have the heart to tell him to go away. He wasn(t rude or anything, but it was painfully obvious that he wanted more than
*ust friendship. nd that was not something I was ready to deal with.
I had *ust managed to ditch him, as nicely as I was capable of, I might add, when it
happened. I was on my way to my ne-t class and stepped around a corner when I
crashed into a hard, muscular chest, %noc%ing the air right out of me. 3ropping the
boo%s I was carrying, I could do little more than *ust stare at the person in front ofme.
/he boy, if you could call him that, was absolutely stunning0 his s%in was pale and
his eyes the most beautiful shade of green. He had high chee%bones, a strong
*awline, a perfectly straight nose, and full lips that *ust seemed to scream 4%iss me(. His bron!e colored hair was messy, and I found myself wondering what it
would feel li%e to run my fingers through it.
#ur eyes met, and time seemed to be standing still. He too% a step closer, and for a
second, I got the cra!y idea that he was going to %iss me. In all honesty, in that
moment, I would have been unable to stop him. /hen his eyes narrowed dangerously and he spo%e to me for the first time.
56atch where you(re going, bitch.7
I opened my mouth, and then closed it again. &y eyes widened in disbelief. 3id he
*ust call me a bitch? )lushing furiously, I shoo% my head, as if to clear it. 562
what?7 I managed to stutter. Clearly, my mind wasn(t wor%ing. #therwise, I would
have been able to come up with a snar%y response. Sure, I was the one who had
run into him. Still, he didn(t have to be a *er% about it.
5ust get the fuc% out of my way.7 6ith that, he pushed his way past me and I was
left to stare after him with my mouth wide open. #%ay, what had *ust happened? /his strange guy, who *ust happened to loo% li%e some %ind of 8ree% god, had
insulted me, twice, and then left without even giving me a chance to apologi!e, or
as% for his phone number.
6ait, what was wrong with me? He was mean and rude, and he sure as hell didn(t
deserve any apology from me. I too% a deep breath, forcing myself to calm down.
8lancing around, I was relieved to find that I was alone in the corridor0 than%fully,
no one had witnessed my embarrassment.
#o#
E"#$
/he hurt e-pression on her face %ept haunting me as I strode through the corridor,
although I did my best to ignore it, telling myself that I didn(t care. "eople %ept
moving out of my way and allowing me to pass, %nowing me better than to act
differently. /hey avoided me as usual, and it suited me *ust fine.
1ury started welling up inside me as my encounter with the brown2haired girl withthe chocolate eyes played in my mind over and over again. She had touched me,
accidentally maybe, but still, I had felt her warm body pressed up against mine and
it had ta%en *ust about every ounce of strength I possessed not to brea% down in
panic.
/he mere idea of someone, anyone, touching me made my s%in crawl. #ver the
years, I had earned myself +uite a reputation at school, which resulted in most
people simply staying out of my way. I didn(t have any friends, and truth be told, I
didn(t want any. In fact, the only one who still bothered was lice, and I did my
best to push her away.
So, why couldn(t I get this new girl out of my head? 6hy did I feel almost bad for
snapping at her? nd why did I %eep wondering when I would see her again? It
*ust didn(t ma%e any sense. Suddenly, I felt a desperate need to get away. So I
turned around abruptly and headed for the nearest e-it, shoving people out of my
way and glaring threateningly at anyone who dared to loo% annoyed.
#nce I was out of the school building, I felt a little better. I too% a couple of deep
breaths, inhaling the cold air into my lungs. &y hands were still sha%ing, so I
reached into my poc%et and pulled out a crumpled pac%et of cigarettes, relieved to
find there was still a couple left.
s I lit one up and too% a deep drag, I finally began to calm down. /his wasn(t li%e me at all, reacting this strongly to a girl. It made me feel confused, vulnerable, and
angry. I didn(t need this. I was doing *ust fine by myself, e-isting but not really
living. nd I had every intention of %eeping it that way.
I should have as%ed for her fuc%ing name.
Chapter 2
)"#$
fter my disastrous encounter with the guy I found myself referring to in my mind
as 48reen Eyed er%( 9I had yet to learn his real name things *ust went down2hill.
1orcefully slamming my loc%er shut, I turned around, and wal%ed straight into
&i%e 'ewton. #%ay, this was getting ridiculous. I obviously couldn(t ta%e two
steps without literally bumping into other people.
;nli%e 48reen Eyed er%(, &i%e(s face lit up as if I had *ust given him a big hug or something. 5)ella<7 he cried out, grinning widely. 5I was *ust loo%ing for you. ou
seemed to be in a hurry to get out of class.7
I suppressed the urge to roll my eyes. &i%e and I had a few classes together, and so far, he had spent most of the time watching me with a longing e-pression on his
face, which I did my best to ignore. /he truth was, his attention made me feel
uncomfortable. I barely %new the guy for crying out loud.
I opened my mouth, although I had no idea what to say, when I felt someone
tapping my shoulder. 5/here you are, )ella.7 /urning around, I recogni!ed the two girls in front of me0 essica Stanley and =auren &allory. essica batted her
eyelashes at &i%e before turning her attention bac% to me. 5It(s time for lunch.
ou(ll sit with us, right?7 =auren(s bored e-pression told me that she couldn(t care
less. I frowned at her, wondering what her problem was.
5;m...7 I hesitated, searching my mind for a way to turn ess down without sounding li%e an ungrateful bitch. /o tell the truth, she had been nothing but nice
to me so far. nd yet, there was something about her that *ust rubbed me the
wrong way, although I couldn(t +uite put my finger on it. &aybe it was *ust me,
being weird as usual. I always seemed to have a hard time connecting with other
people.
5ctually, I(m on my way to the library,7 I lied, blurting out the first thing that came to me. 5I need to pic% up a boo% for one of my classes. )ut I might *oin you
when I(m done.7 #f course, I had no intention of doing so, but she didn(t need to
%now that.
=uc%ily, ess seemed to accept my e-cuse. Instead she gave &i%e a hopeful loo%.
56hat about you, &i%e? re you coming?7
He glanced at me, clearly disappointed that I wouldn(t be *oining them, and I gave
him a smile I hoped would be encouraging. 58o ahead. I(ll see you guys later.7
1inally ta%ing the hint, he nodded, although somewhat reluctantly. ess on the other hand was beaming, and I got the feeling she wouldn(t miss me too much.
s I watched them leave, I let out the breath I had been holding. I *ust didn(t have anything in common with these people. Still, on some level, I wanted them to li%e
me. Sighing, I contemplated my options. I supposed I could go to the library and
hang out there until it was time to go to my ne-t class, but the idea didn(t seem too
appealing.
/hat was when I heard a voice behind me0 5;h2oh< 3itching the cool %ids? ou(re
in trouble now.7
I spun around. In front of me was a short, very pretty girl with spi%y, dar% hair. &y
eyes narrowed suspiciously. 5E-cuse me?7
She rolled her eyes and gave me a friendly smile. 5>ela-, I(m %idding. )ella, right? I(m lice Cullen.7 6al%ing straight up to me, she reached out her hand in
greeting.
Sha%ing her hand somewhat warily, I forced a smile as well. 5'ice to meet you.7
5Sure.7 She watched me closely. 5So, you li%e it here so far?7
5I guess. Sure.7 I shrugged, not sure what she wanted to hear.
lice raised a brow in +uestion. 5ou don(t really need to go to the library, do
you?7
)lushing, I hesitated for a moment before I answered0 5'ot really, no.7
Her smile widened. 58ood. /hen come with me. I(ll introduce you to some people
who can thin% for themselves and are fully capable of having an actual
conversation.7
5;m, o%ay.7 1or some reason, I li%ed this girl already. Strange, because we clearly
couldn(t be more different. She was pretty and outspo%en. I was plain and
withdrawn. t least, that was what I used to thin%.
"ractically bouncing up and down, she lin%ed our arms together and started
pulling me towards the cafeteria. 5ay< ou have to meet my boyfriend. nd my
brothers. #h, )ella, I *ust %now we(re gonna be the best of friends<7 I found
myself following her without ob*ections, not that she gave me much choice.
s we entered the school cafeteria, lice(s eyes darted bac% and forth for a second before she let out a s+ueal. moment later, she had dragged me across the room
until we reached a small table with three stunningly beautiful people, two guys and
a girl, who were all staring at me curiously. &y eyes widened in disbelief. How could lice possibly thin% I could ever fit in with them?
5Hey, guys< /his is my new friend, )ella Swan. )ella, this is my boyfriend, asper
6hitloc%.7 #ne of the guys0 he had honey blond hair and loo%ed li%e a male
model, nodded in greeting. I was too astonished to respond. #blivious to my inner
turmoil, lice went on, 5nd this is my older brother, Emmett, and his girlfriend,
>osalie Hale.7
I swallowed, hard. 5;m, hi?7 8reat< Could I sound more li%e a loser?
5ou(re Chief Swan(s daughter, right?7 /he girl0 >osalie, gave me the loo%2over,
obviously not too impressed, and I simply nodded, feeling li%e something the cat had *ust dragged in. Emmett on the other hand gave me a big, goofy grin. asper
remained silent, but his eyes were %ind, friendly even. I too% a deep breath, forcing
myself to rela-, and sat down on the empty chair ne-t to lice.
5ou guys seen Edward today?7 lice bit her lip, suddenly appearing to be a little
uncomfortable. Surprised by her sudden mood swing, I couldn(t help but wonder what that was about. It was obviously a touchy sub*ect, because she was met with
total silence, the tension around the table suddenly so thic% you could cut it with a
%nife.
1rowning, I gave her a loo% of confusion. 56ho(s Edward?7
lice loo%ed a little ta%en abac%, but recovered +uic%ly. 5#h, Edward(s my other
brother. He goes to school here as well.7
)efore I got the chance to as% anything else, I was interrupted by Emmett.
5Edward(s not really our brother. He(s adopted.7
5#h?7 I really had no idea how to respond to that.
8iving Emmett a warning loo%, lice then turned bac% to me, sounding almost
apologetic, 5Emmett and Edward don(t get along.7
Emmett let out a snort. 5Edward doesn(t get along with anyone.7 I noticed how
lice glared at him, causing him to lower his eyes. 56ell, it(s true,7 he mumbled.
n aw%ward silence followed, and I suddenly felt li%e an intruder, imposing on a
private moment. I briefly considered offering to leave, before remembering that it was in fact lice who had invited me over. If she wanted me to leave them alone,
surely she would tell me so. Still, I %ept my eyes on my hands, folded neatly in my
lap.
1inally lice spo%e up again, this time directly to me, and I could hear sadness in
her voice. 5/here(s one thing you have to understand, )ella. Edward has...7 she
hesitated, 5some personal issues. )ut he(s not a bad person, not really. &ost people
*ust don(t %now him li%e I do.7
I found myself nodding in understanding. 5#h, I(m sure that(s true,7 I +uic%lyassured her, not %nowing what else to say. It must have been the right thing,
though, because the relief was evident on lice(s face. Smiling gratefully at me,
she then changed the sub*ect and started tal%ing about the latest fashion, all
thoughts about her brother seemingly forgotten.
/o my surprise, I found myself actually en*oying the company of these people,
even if >osalie still made me a little nervous. )efore I %new it, it was time to go to
my ne-t class, which happened to be )iology. >ushing into the classroom, I *ust
barely managed to ma%e it in time.
esterday, I had been sitting alone, the seat ne-t to mine empty. /hat was *ust fine by me, I didn(t need a lab partner. )ut today, someone was already sitting there.
&y eyes widened in surprise when I immediately recogni!ed the bron!e2haired
boy I had accidentally ran into earlier, 48reen Eyed er%(. 8reat<
>esisting the urge to *ust turn around and leave the classroom, I reluctantly made
my way over to him, very slowly so I wouldn(t trip over something and ma%e an
even bigger fool of myself. 1inally I reached the table, than%fully without causing
an accident of some %ind, and slipped into the empty seat with a sigh.
I glanced at him after a brief moment(s hesitation, and found him staring bac% at
me, his face a mi-ture of uncertainty and recognition. He opened his mouth as if to
say something, but stopped himself as a large shadow fell over our table. =oo%ing up in confusion, my eyes landed on a guy I vaguely recogni!ed as /yler Crowley. I
gave him a +uestioning loo%.
5Come on, )ella, you don(t have to sit here.7 /yler gave me a friendly smile as he
went on, 5/here are a few empty seats in the front row. ust come with me and I(ll
show you.7
lthough I have to admit that a part of me was tempted to ta%e him up on his offer,
confusion welled up inside me, ma%ing me hesitate. 6hy would it matter to /yler
where I sat? I had seen when I entered the classroom that he already had a partner. /rying my best to smile, it came out a bit strained. 5/han%s, but I(m fine right
here.7 6as I really, though? I honestly didn(t %now.
/yler loo%ed almost shoc%ed, as if he had e-pected me to *ump up and follow him
without hesitation. He +uic%ly covered up, though, leaning closer to me and
lowering his voice, li%e he was tal%ing to a small child, 5)ella, seriously, why
would you wanna sit with this frea%?7 He gestured towards the boy ne-t to me
with his thumb.
&y eyes narrowed, and I found myself once again glancing at the absolutely perfectly sculptured creature 9who was I %idding, he was no more a boy than I was
the +ueen of England with eyes more beautiful than emeralds. Sure, my first
impression of him hadn(t been the best, but surely calling him a 4frea%( was a little
too harsh.
It merely lasted for a second, but I didn(t miss the hurt e-pression on his face, and
I felt li%e my heart was about to stop. /a%ing a deep breath, I turned bac% to /yler,
not bothering to smile at him this time. 5=i%e I said0 I(m fine here.7 Crossing my
arms over my chest, I hoped he would ta%e the hint and leave. /o my great relief,
he did.
s the teacher started tal%ing, not that I was paying much attention at the moment,
I hesitated a little before turning to my new lab partner and softly clearing my
throat. &ight as well get it over with, I thought, waiting for him to loo% at me
before I spo%e up, +uietly, 5Hi, I(m )ella. )ella Swan.7
He remained silent, *ust watching me with an unreadable loo% on his face, and I
started to feel li%e an idiot for even trying. /hen he finally spo%e, his voice
surprisingly smooth this time, li%e velvet, 5Edward Cullen.7
=etting out the breath I had been holding, I was about to reach out my hand in
greeting, but something made me decide against it. /hen it hit me, and I +uic%ly
put two and two together. Edward Cullen? /his had to be lice(s brother.
5;m...7 I searched my mind, suddenly desperate to hear his voice again. #%ay,
what the hell was that about? /he words were out of my mouth before I reali!ed I
had spo%en, 5I(m sorry about before. >unning into you, I mean.7 6ait a minute,
was I actually apologi!ing to him? )ut the loo% on his face when /yler had called
him a frea%...
He loo%ed surprised for a moment, and I noticed how his eyes dar%ened. 1inally
he muttered, 56hatever. ust don(t let it happen again.7
E-cuse me?
ny sympathy I may have felt for him +uic%ly got replaced by anger. I glared at him. 5It was an accident, and I said I was sorry. ou weren(t e-actly nice to me,
either.7
Edward *ust stared at me, then let out a bitter laugh. 5eah, well, I(m not a nice
person, )ella. ou(d do well by remembering that.7 /hen he turned away from me
and started scribbling furiously in his noteboo%. He didn(t spea% to me again, and
the second the teacher announced that class was dismissed, he was already out ofhis chair and halfway towards the door.
Chapter 3
E"#$
I entered the house as +uietly as possible, not wanting to draw any attention to
myself. I was in a bad mood, and if Esme was around, she would most li%ely start as%ing +uestions. She had always been able to read my emotions li%e a boo%, and I
really wasn(t loo%ing forward to hear that concerned note in her voice, 46hat(s
wrong, Edward? Is something bothering you? ou %now I(m here for you if there(s anything you want to tal% about...(
1uc%ing bullshit.
In fairness to Esme, she was *ust trying to be nice. Supportive. )ecause that(s the
%ind of person she was0 caring and helpful, always thin%ing of others. Ever since I
first came to stay with her and her husband, Carlisle, about si- years ago, she had
done her best to ma%e me feel li%e a part of the family.
s if I needed any of that.
I don(t mean to sound ungrateful0 I do appreciate what the Cullen(s have done for
me. 'ot everyone would ta%e pity on a damaged eleven2year2old, welcoming him
into their home and ma%ing an effort to treat him li%e he mattered. =i%e I was *ust
any other, normal %id. E-cept that I wasn(t, and we all %new it.
ust li%e we all %new that I would never truly be one of them. /hey could feed me,
dress me up to their li%ing, and pay for my studies. )ut I would always be an
outcast.
Hurrying up the stairs, I was relieved when I made it to my room without running
into anyone. It seemed li%e I had the house all to myself for the moment. Casting a loo% at my watch, I suspected that Carlisle and Esme were still at wor%. lice was
probably out shopping or something0 she used to spend more time at the mall than
at home. nd Emmett, well, I didn(t really give a damn what he was doing.
I slumped down on my bed, rummaging through my school bag until I found my
i"od. ;sually the music helped me %eep any unwelcome thoughts away, but not
today. Instead my mind started wandering, and, much to my frustration, I %eptseeing images of the new girl, )ella, flashing through my head. 6ait, why the fuc%
did I even bother to remember her name?
/hin%ing bac% on our brief conversation in )iology earlier today, if you could
even call it a conversation, I reali!ed I had probably pissed her off. 8ood. /hat should teach her to stay the hell away from me. 'ot that I would ever admit it out
loud, but a part of me felt a little bad for not being able to *ust accept her apology
li%e a normal person. nd we were bac% to that again. I. 6as. 'ot. 'ormal.
&y therapist li%ed to go on about the danger of me refusing to let other people into
my life. nd I would nod and pretend to listen, when in reality, I couldn(t care less about her fuc%ing opinion. I hated her with a passion, but I still went to my
sessions every wee%, li%e a good boy. I didn(t want to give Carlisle and Esme any
reason to send me away. 6ho %new where I would end up then?
Carlisle and Esme never as%ed me about my therapy sessions with 3r. Clearwater
9she %ept insisting I(d call her Sue, and I %ept refusing, not wanting her to thin% we
were buddies or anything, and for that, I was grateful. If they %new I rarely said a
word during those sessions, they would probably be deeply disappointed, seeing
how they were the ones who paid for the whole thing.
I wished I could *ust tell them to %noc% it off, e-plain that I didn(t need to dwell on
my fuc%ed up past. It wasn(t li%e tal%ing about it would change what happened. I was already bro%en beyond repair0 seeing a therapist once a wee% wouldn(t
magically ma%e me better. )ut they seemed to thin% that was the case, and over the
years, I had come to reali!e it was easier to *ust go along with it. t least that
would %eep them off my bac%.
/here was a brief %noc% before the door suddenly swung open, causing me to
*ump, and I glared at lice who stepped into my room without waiting for an
invitation, not li%e she ever did. 58et out,7 I grumbled. #f course, she would
ignore my hostility0 she was one of the few people who had never been the least
bit intimidated by my temper.
I sighed when she bounced over to the bed and sat down. 56hat the fuc% do you
want? I(m busy.7
5Hello to you, too, brother dear.7 lice smiled, widely. 56hat are you doing?7
I stared at her in bewilderment. 56hy?7
She studied me, closely. 5ou don(t loo% very busy to me.7
Silently counting to five, I too% a deep breath, determined not to let lice get to
me. 6hy couldn(t she *ust leave me alone? I supposed she believed that,
somewhere deep down, I actually appreciated her company. She continued, not
waiting for me to respond, because we both %new I was lying. I wasn(t busy0 I *ust
wanted her to go away. 53id you see the new girl, )ella Swan?7
I let out a groan, *ust barely able to %eep from slamming my i"od into the wall.
'ot )ella again< I had *ust managed to get that damn bitch out of my head, why,
why did lice have to bring her up? I didn(t want to be reminded of )ella fuc%ing
Swan0 *ust thin%ing about her stirred up all these feelings inside me, feelings that I
didn(t understand.
It scared the hell out of me.
6hat scared me the most was the fact that, deep inside, a part of me actually
wanted to see )ella again. I didn(t understand why, but I was curious about her.
nd that was dangerous, for so many reasons. I needed to %eep people away from
me, at a safe distance, so they wouldn(t find out the truth about me.
I was screwed up. ;nlovable. 6orthless. Even my own mother had told me so,
that night si- years ago, when the police finally came and too% ames away. She
had tried pleading with them, telling them it was all my fault0 that ames hadn(t
done anything to me that I didn(t deserve. I %new she was right, having heard those words countless times over the years. )ut ames ended up in a *ail cell, and I
was ta%en from the only place I had %nown as home.
5Edward? Hello?7 lice(s voice snapped me out of my memories, and I gave her a
startled loo%, instinctively flinching bac% as she waved her hand in front of my
face to catch my attention. =oo%ing slightly alarmed, she immediately held up her
hands in a non2threatening gesture. 56hat(s wrong?7
umping up from the bed, I +uic%ly moved across the room, desperate to put some
distance between us. lice %new better than attempting to touch me, but I needed some space, suddenly feeling li%e the walls were closing in on me. 5'othing(s
wrong,7 I muttered, struggling to get my breathing under control.
lice didn(t loo% convinced, but clearly decided to let the matter drop. I was
relieved when she changed the sub*ect, until I reali!ed she was bac% to tal%ing
about )ella again, 5So, the new girl, )ella? She sat with us at lunch today. I li%e
her a lot, she(s really sweet.7
I could feel a headache coming up, and gave her a warning loo%. 5lice...7
She cut me off, 56hat are you doing tomorrow night?7
56hy?7 I was too tired to argue with her0 if I(d *ust humor her, she might get
bored and go find someone else to annoy.
#ne could only hope.
lice bit her lip, suddenly not meeting my eyes. 56ell, it(s 1riday. asper and
Emmett are going out. I %now they would love for you to *oin them.7
I let out a snort, not sure whether to laugh or tell her to fuc% off. asper tolerated me, as long as lice was around. Emmett wouldn(t piss on me if I was on fire. If I
got wiped off the face of the planet tomorrow, he would be the first to celebrate.
#f course, the feelings were very much mutual.
1inally loo%ing up, lice rolled her eyes at my s%eptical e-pression. 5ou %now,
asper would li%e to be your friend, if you(d *ust let him.7
If I had a dollar for every time we(d had this conversation, I(d be a fuc%ing
millionaire. 5I don(t want any friends.7
She opened her mouth, then closed it again. 1or a moment, she loo%ed
e-asperated. /hen she shoo% her head, as if to clear it. 5/he reason I brought it up is because >ose and )ella are coming over tomorrow night. 6e(re having a girl(s
night0 a sleep2over. I *ust thought...7 She shrugged, leaving the rest of the sentence
hanging.
It all made sense to me now. Her friends were coming over0 of course she wanted
me out of the house. I felt anger well up inside me. 5If you want me to stay away
tomorrow night, why don(t you *ust fuc%ing say so? ou don(t have to pretend that
your precious boyfriend actually wants anything to do with me.7
lice loo%ed surprised, and a little hurt. 53on(t be ridiculous< It was *ust a thought, of course you can stay here if you want to.7
53amn right, I can. nd I fuc%ing intend to.7 I glared at her, ma%ing it perfectly clear that I couldn(t be persuaded to do anything against my will. /hat was when
her words started to sin% in. 56ait. )ella(s coming here? /omorrow night?7
5;h2huh.7 lice nodded.
1uc%ing great<
@A@A@
6hen I arrived at school the ne-t day, I had it all figured out. I would stay as far
away from )ella Swan as possible. If I saw her in the corridor, I would turn around
and wal% the other way. ;nfortunately, I would have to sit ne-t to her in )iology, but surely I could *ust ignore her. /hat was my plan, and I fully intended to stic% to
it.
s usual, lice tried to tal% me into *oining her and her friends for lunch, but I
always refused to enter the school cafeteria. It was too crowded, not to mention the
fact that I(d rather starve to death than have to sociali!e with other people. Instead I decided to go out for a smo%e.
/hat was when I saw her, tal%ing to /yler Crowley. >olling my eyes, I was *ust
about to turn in the other direction, when I noticed how they seemed to be arguing
about something. )ella loo%ed upset, and all of the sudden, I was dying to find out
what was going on. 'ot that I cared about her feelings or anything, I was *ust
being curious. t least, that was what I tried telling myself.
I discreetly moved towards them, feeling li%e a stal%er as I was half hiding behind
a large concrete pillar. &y eyes narrowed, suspiciously. 6hy the hell did /yler
have to stand so fuc%ing close to her? Since they were both facing away from me,
I could get close enough to hear what they were saying.
5I mean it, /yler. I told you0 I(m not going to the stupid prom.7 )ella stubbornly
folded her arms over her chest, and I half e-pected her to stomp her foot li%e a %id.
/yler raised his voice, obviously frustrated, 56hat, my company(s not good
enough for you?7 He clearly wasn(t about to give up that easily, and I didn(t have
to see )ella(s face to %now that he was ma%ing her feel uncomfortable. Suddenly, I
wanted nothing more than to *ust wal% up to him and punch him in the face.
gain, not that I cared about )ella. )ecause I didn(t.
>eally.
fter that, everything happened very fast. I could see )ella throw her arms up in
frustration, and she tried to simply step past /yler, having obviously had enough.
)ut he grabbed her arm to stop her, causing her to wince in pain. nd something in
me *ust snapped.
Stepping out of my hiding place, I started towards them with one single thought in
mind0 that asshole had *ust hurt her, and I was going to rip his fuc%ing head off.)ut then I fro!e in my trac%s, my eyes widening in disbelief.
/yler cried out and dropped to his %nees, as )ella had *ust %ic%ed him, hard, right
in the balls. 1or a moment, time seemed to be standing still.
/hen she spun around, and finally spotted me. #ur eyes met, and the loo% on her
face was absolutely priceless. She threw a glance over her shoulder at /yler, still
on the ground, and then turned bac% to me, loo%ing completely horrified. I
couldn(t help myself0 the situation was *ust too ridiculous. So I started laughing.
However, I stopped abruptly when I saw tears welling up in her eyes. Her bottom lip started trembling, and before I %new it, she *ust turned and ran, leaving me to
stare after her and wonder what the fuc%ing hell *ust happened.
I suddenly felt li%e a dic%.
)"#$
&y third day at 1or%s High started out even worse than the day before. ou(d
thin% that wouldn(t be possible, but then again, it(s me we(re tal%ing about. &y
beloved truc% decided to betray me and brea% down half way to school, and I
really wasn(t loo%ing forward to wal%ing the rest of the way in pouring rain.
1or a moment, I considered calling my dad and as%ing him to come pic% me up.
/hen I decided that stepping out of Charlie(s police car in front of the whole
school would be even more humiliating than showing up loo%ing li%e I(d fallen
into the river, so I reluctantly pulled my hood over my head, left the car andstepped out into the rain, wishing I(d remembered to bring my umbrella.
I had *ust started wal%ing, when a dar% blue van drove past me, slowed down, and
pulled over to the side of the road. 5)ella?7 /yler Crowley was hanging out the
window, loo%ing li%e he had *ust won the grand pri!e at the carnival. 5ou
shouldn(t be out wal%ing in this weather0 *ump in before you(ll catch a cold.7
5;m, sure, than%s.7 I fumbled with the door to the passenger seat and slipped
inside, grateful to have some roof over my head.
5Here, let me help you.7 /yler leaned over me, putting one hand on my thigh to
support himself as he struggled to fasten my seat belt. Seeing the loo% on my face, he gave me a sheepish smile. 5It sometimes gets stuc%,7 he e-plained in an
innocent voice, and I suppressed the urge to roll my eyes.
eah, right<
I was relieved when he drove into the school par%ing lot a few minutes later. &umbling another 4than% you(, I hurried to get out of /yler(s car before he would
offer to 4help me( with my seat belt again, and accidentally stepped into a mud
puddle the si!e of the "acific #cean.
/his day was *ust getting better and better...
t least it was 1riday. lice had invited me over to spend the night at her house,
along with >osalie, and while I was loo%ing forward to it, a part of me was a little
nervous. I wasn(t really used to hanging out with other people after school, and
had basically never been to a slumber party in my entire life, so I had no idea what
to e-pect.
/he fact that lice had used words li%e 4manicure(, 4pedicure(, and 4ma%eover(
didn(t e-actly ma%e me feel less apprehensive about the whole thing.
nd then there was Edward. lice hadn(t mentioned anything about him being
home or not tonight, and it wasn(t li%e I could actually as% her. She had told me
that her brother had 4issues(, and I found myself wondering if that was *ust her
way of saying he was a *er%. Still, a little voice in my head %ept whispering that I
shouldn(t be so +uic% to *udge people.
'ot that I usually listened to gossip, but when it came to Edward, it was
impossible not to notice how people were tal%ing about him. I had merely been in
1or%s for a few days, and I had already heard enough rumors to last a lifetime.
nd they all seemed to be saying the same thing.
Edward Cullen was a loner, an outcast. He clearly hated everybody, including
himself. He was not a nice person. So, why was I so drawn to him? nd why did I get the cra!y feeling he felt the same way? /here was something about the way he
had loo%ed at me when I introduced myself in )iology class. 1or a moment there,
I had been certain that we would actually be able to have a civil conversation.
/hen I had apologi!ed for wal%ing into him, and he had gone bac% to being rude.
nd when I had pointed it out, he actually agreed with me0 telling me he was not a
nice person, li%e he was trying to warn me to stay away from him. It madeabsolutely no sense to me, and I decided that trying to figure Edward out would
only give me a headache.
I was supposed to meet up with lice before lunch, but I got out of class early and
decided to step out for some air. /hat was when I heard footsteps behind me, and a voice calling out my name. 5)ella< /here you are0 I(ve been loo%ing for you.7
I immediately recogni!ed the voice, and held bac% a sigh as I turned around to face
/yler. 56hat(s up?7 I as%ed, somewhat suspiciously. /hen my eyes widened in
horror as he held up a small, plastic ob*ect, and I had to restrain myself to %eep
from ripping it out of his hand.
5ou dropped this in my car,7 he e-plained as I +uic%ly grabbed the little white
bottle of pills from him and shoved it down into my poc%et. lthough I refused to
loo% at him, I could feel his curious eyes on me. 5"ain%illers, huh? )y the loo% of
it, they(re pretty strong, too. 6hat, you get migraines or something?7
I nodded, still not meeting his eyes. 5eah, that(s right. I get migraines. =oo%,
/yler, I appreciate you giving me a ride this morning, it was really nice of you. I
gotta go now, see you later.7 I started to turn around, desperate to get away before
he would start as%ing more +uestions.
56ait<7 He +uic%ly *umped in front of me, %eeping me from leaving. 5I was *ust wondering something.7 He must have ta%en my silence as a sign to go on. 56e
seem to be getting along really well, and I *ust wanted to as% you if you(d li%e to
go to the prom with me?7
6hat?<
So, now it was official0 the gods hated me. ;gh<
It too% a moment before I reali!ed that I was *ust staring at him, and managed to
snap out of the shoc%. 5;m...7 I swallowed, hard, forcing my mouth to form the words when I *ust wanted to run. 5I(m sorry0 it was nice of you to as%, but I(m not
going.7
I don(t %now why I had e-pected /yler to *ust ta%e my 4no( for what it was and
leave it at that. Instead he too% a step closer, loo%ing deep into my eyes. 5Come
on, )ella, we(ll have a great time. 3on(t be shy, I %now you wanna go.7
#%ay, now I was getting angry. 6hat did it ta%e for him to *ust ta%e the damn hint
and leave me alone? I clenched my teeth, forcing myself to %eep my voice calm.
5'o, actually, I don(twant to go. I mean it, /yler. I told you0 I(m not going to thestupid prom.7 I gave him a hard loo% and folded my arms across my chest.
He raised his voice, 56hat, my company(s not good enough for you?7 It was
obvious that he was getting frustrated by my re*ection.
/hat made two of us.
I opened my mouth, then closed it again, deciding not to waste any more time
arguing with him. So I tried to wal% past him, and that was when he grabbed me,
causing blinding pain to shoot through my arm. I gasped, desperately fighting bac%
the tears as I was instantly ta%en bac% to the day it happened.
’B)''*3 Oh, G#(, B)''*, I’ # #$$%! A$) %#/ #4*%3 I ((0’" )*0-5
I $*(')( % $#4)0 *$ *2*0" % h)", #02 h%")$*''%, *'"h#/2h I *$)'%
+)'" *0% 1*0 *" "h) #)0". 5D#0’" "#/h ), Ph'! L)" ) 2# "# % #!’ H) h)'(
#0 "# ), *0( I "$/22')( "# $)*4 +$)). 5M#! M#!’
cry of pain brought me bac% to reality, and I found myself loo%ing down at /yler
Crowley(s huddled form on the ground. s my brain slowly started to ta%e in what
had *ust happened, I heard a noise behind me and spun around.
Edward Cullen was standing a few feet away, a stunned e-pression on his face, and I reali!ed he had probably witnessed the whole thing. 1eeling li%e my head
was spinning, I cast a glance at /yler, who had yet to recover. /hen I turned bac%
to Edward, my eyes widening in horror. 6hat had I done?
1or a moment, we *ust stared at each other. He seemed to be *ust as speechless as I
was. /hen, he started laughing.
He was laughing at me.
Humiliation and shame welled up inside me. 'o longer able to %eep the tears from falling, I turned around abruptly, and fled from the scene. lice completely
forgotten, I never made it to the cafeteria. Instead I loc%ed myself into the girl(s
bathroom and spent the rest of the hour sobbing +uietly into crumpled paper towels.
8od, I was pathetic.
I seriously considered ditching )iology so I wouldn(t have to face Edward again
so soon, but reluctantly decided against it, %nowing that Charlie would have a fit if
he found out I was cutting classes. Sometimes, being the Chief(s daughter reallysuc%ed.
6hen I entered the classroom, Edward was already sitting behind our table in the
bac%, and I tensed up for a moment. /hen I too% a deep breath and strode across
the room, almost stumbling on a chair, but, than%fully, managed to %eep my balance.
I noticed that /yler wasn(t there. t least that was one less thing to worry about.
Slipping into my seat, I immediately felt Edward(s eyes on me. However, he didn(t
say anything, and I let out a sigh of relief when &r. )anner entered the room a moment later. )ut Edward %ept staring at me, which made me feel more than a
little self2conscious, so I let my hair fall over my shoulder li%e a curtain, as if
hiding my face would ma%e me invisible to him.
He never spo%e a word to me, though, and when the bell finally rang almost an
hour later, he was out of his seat *ust as fast as the day before. It was when I
slowly started gathering my boo%s that I spotted the folded piece of paper on the
table ne-t to me. I hesitated a little before pic%ing it up.
/he message was short0 only two words, but very clear. (I(m sorry.( I stared at the
words0 to say that I was surprised would be a huge understatement, and loo%ed up,
almost e-pecting to see Edward over by the door. )ut, of course, the doorway was empty and he was nowhere to be seen.
@A@A@
It was no longer raining, so I didn(t mind wal%ing home from school. lice had
offered to give me a ride, but I had politely declined, insisting that I could use
some fresh air. She had +uestioned me about my absence at lunch, and I lied and
told her I had to go to the school nurse(s office since I(d gotten a really bad
headache, but assured her that it was all better now.
6hen I got home, I decided to start ma%ing dinner for Charlie, since I would most
li%ely already have left by the time he would be bac%. If I had been nervous about
running into Edward at the Cullen(s house before, I was even more an-ious now. )ut at the same time, a part of me couldn(t help but hope that he would be home.
6hich I reali!ed didn(t ma%e any sense at all.
I pulled the note out of my poc%et and read it again. It still said the same thing.
Edward Cullen had actually apologi!ed to me. 'ot out loud, of course, but still. It
made me wonder if maybe he wasn(t such a bad person after all. 6as it possiblethat his cold and hostile behavior could *ust be a way to %eep people away from
him? 1or a moment, I didn(t %now what to thin%.
I(d be lying if I told myself that I wasn(t attracted to him. He was absolutely
gorgeous, and I %new I could *ust lose myself in those green eyes, should I dare to hold his ga!e for more than a few seconds. /here was something dar% and
mysterious about him, and all of the sudden, I felt an almost desperate need to find
out everything about him.
>emembering Emmett(s words about Edward being adopted, I found myself
wondering what had happened to his real parents. I figured I could always as% lice, but for some reason, it didn(t seem right to go behind Edward(s bac% li%e
that. I supposed my only other option would be to as% him myself.
>ight. =i%e that would ever happen. I wasn(t a complete idiot, after all.
3eciding to push all thoughts about Edward Cullen to the bac% of my mind, I tried
to force myself to concentrate on Charlie(s dinner. 6hile I was slicing tomatoes
for the salad, I couldn(t help but wonder if Edward would li%e my coo%ing.
D00)$, B)''*. F#/!
6hen I had finished preparing the food, I went up to my room to pac% my overnight bag. It didn(t ta%e long, since I was only bringing my tooth brush, my
pa*amas, my hair brush, and some clean clothes to wear the ne-t day. bout five
minutes later, I was all pac%ed and ready to go.
>osalie had promised to come pic% me up, since I hadn(t had the opportunity to
get my car fi-ed. I had to admit that I still felt a bit intimidated by her, and prayed
that the ride over to the Cullen(s house would be over +uic%ly. 6hat if we
wouldn(t have anything to tal% about? Seeing how >osalie and I couldn(t possibly
have much in common, I found that scenario most li%ely.
6hy had I agreed to this again?
)ut lice was the one who had invited me0 in fact, she had practically begged me to come, and I had to admit that I felt more than a little flattered that she so
obviously wanted to be my friend. She was without doubt the nicest person I had
met here in 1or%s so far.
&aybe things wouldn(t be so bad after all. &aybe I would actually have a great
time tonight.
car suddenly hon%ed down on the street, causing me to *ump. I rushed over to
the window and pee%ed outside, immediately recogni!ing >osalie(s red )&6 &B
convertible. /a%ing a deep breath, I grabbed my bag and headed for the stairs.
/here was no turning bac% now.
I was going to the Cullen(s.
Chapter 5
E"#$
So, )ella had run off crying. It shouldn(t bother me. 6hatever her problem was, I couldn(t care less. So what if I was the reason behind those fuc%ing tears? I didn(t
care. )ecause...
)ecause I was a cold2hearted douche bag, who didn(t give a fuc% about other
people(s feelings. >ight?
>ight<
So why did I feel guilty? 6hy did I feel li%e I needed to go find )ella and apologi!e? 'ot that I would, though. She(d get over it. )esides, it wasn(t li%e I had
hurt her feelings on purpose. How the hell was I supposed to %now that she would
be so fuc%ing sensitive?
In all honesty, I %new I couldn(t really blame her. s if having to deal with that
asshole, /yler Crowley, wouldn(t be bad enough. She must(ve thought I was
ma%ing fun of her, which couldn(t be farther away from the truth. )ut that was *ust
me0 screwing things up as usual.
8ood thing )ella beat the crap out of him. I still wanted to %ic% /yler(s ass for grabbing her li%e that. /o tell the truth, I didn(t %now which upset me the most0 the
fact that he had hurt her, or that he(d had the nerve to as% her to the fuc%ing prom.
3idn(t the bastard reali!e that she was way too good for the li%es of him?
6ait. I was supposed to stay away from )ella Swan. I shouldn(t even be thin%ing
about her. So, why did I %eep seeing images of her perfect, pale face, her sad, tear2
filled eyes?
6hy did I %eep feeling li%e an ass?
s I slowly wal%ed through the long corridors, heading for my ne-t class, I made
my decision. I was going to tell )ella I was sorry for laughing at her. I would
e-plain to her it was all *ust a big misunderstanding0 if she then couldn(t find it in
her heart to forgive me, that was her problem. t least I would feel better about
myself for trying. nd then I would be able to forget her, and move on with my life.
&y life... 6hat a *o%e< I was seventeen years old, and already dead inside.
I slipped into the classroom and +uic%ly made my way over to my seat in the bac%,
not ma%ing eye contact with anyone. "eople were always whispering about me behind my bac%, but they rarely had the guts to say anything to my face. It made
me both angry and relieved at the same time.
lthough I pretended to be oblivious most of the time, I was well aware of the
rumors going around at school. Some were saying I was into drugs, others insisted
I had a criminal record. nd everyone seemed to agree that I was a frea%, not
worth getting to %now, which suited me perfectly.
#f course, every once in a while, the fuc%ing gossip became too much, and I
simply snapped. ;sually I managed to bottle it up until I got home and was alone
in my room, where I could ta%e my anger and frustration out on the furniture, or
whatever was available.
#n rare occasions, I had ended up punching some poor fuc%er(s lights out, since
once I had started pounding on someone, I %ept going until I was certain they
wouldn(t be able to stri%e bac%. I had no problem with physical contact, as long as
I was the one in control.
)ella was nowhere to be seen, and I wondered if she would even show up. &aybe
she would be too embarrassed, and simply ditch class. part of me wished that
was the case0 that she would *ust stay away. /hen I wouldn(t have to tal% to her. t
the same time, the idea of not seeing her made me feel a pang in my chest.
6hat the hell was it about this girl that made me react this way?
ll of the sudden, there she was, standing in the doorway, and our eyes met. /hen
she +uic%ly loo%ed away, but I didn(t miss how her chee%s turned bright red. 1or a
moment, I almost thought she would turn around and bolt. )ut she remained
where she was, and then she finally started towards me, almost tripping over her
feet.
I held my breath until she sat down ne-t to me, %eeping her eyes on the table infront of her. /hat was when I decided it was time to say something, before the
teacher would arrive and start the class. /a%ing a deep breath, I opened my mouth,
and then closed it again. She had yet to turn her face in my direction, and I %ept
watching her in silence, willing her to raise her head.
)ut )ella stubbornly avoided loo%ing at me. 1or some reason, her obvious
reluctance to meet my eyes made me more bold, and I found myself unable to ta%e
my eyes away from her. (ust tal% to her, you idiot<( an annoying little voice
screamed inside my head. )ut the words *ust wouldn(t come.
6hen &r. )anner arrived a couple of minutes later and announced that class was about to begin, I almost growled in frustration. 6hat the hell was wrong with me?
6as I really so fuc%ed up that I couldn(t even open my mouth and say a few words
to the girl sitting ne-t to me, when I for once actually wanted to spea% to
someone?
)efore I %new it, almost twenty minutes had passed, and I still hadn(t managed to
tell )ella I was sorry for how I had acted earlier. nd what I found even more
disturbing was the fact that I had %ept staring at her the whole time, without even
being aware of what I was doing.
6ay to go, asshole< ou(re supposed to apologi!e to her, not ma%ing her feel even
more aw%ward than you already have.
1inally, in my desperation, I tore off a page from my noteboo% and +uic%ly
scribbled down the words 4I(m sorry.(, folded the paper and slid it across the table
towards her. /hen I s+uee!ed my eyes shut, silently cursing my stupidity.
pologi!ing through a fuc%ing note? 6hat was I, twelve?
'o, *ust really, really screwed up. )ig surprise<
It felt li%e an eternity had passed before I finally dared to throw a glance in )ella(s
direction. She was still sitting in the e-act same position, facing away from me.
&y pathetic little note was still lying there ne-t to her boo%s, untouched0 either she had completely missed it, or she had simply chosen to ignore it.
So much for trying.
6hen the bell rang, I immediately *umped up and grabbed my boo%s, eager to get
away. It was settled0 I *ust wasn(t capable of interacting with other people. 3eep
)"#$
5Hi, )ella< I(m so glad you(re here. 6e(re gonna have so much fun tonight<7 lice
was standing in the doorway, greeting me with a huge smile on her face.
I returned her smile, feeling slightly overwhelmed. 5Hi, lice. /han%s for inviting
me.7 >osalie stepped past me into the house, and I followed her after a brief moment(s hesitation. lice closed the door behind us, and I loo%ed around with
wide eyes. 56ow<7
>osalie laughed at my reaction. 5"retty fancy, huh?7
5/hat(s... one way to put it,7 I gasped. /he house was not li%e anything I(d ever
seen before. #r maybe 4mansion( would be more accurate. It was huge, and some
of the walls were actually made of glass. It was incredible.
5So...7 >osalie gave lice an e-pectant loo%. 56hat do you say we give )ella the
tour before getting started?7 lice nodded, eagerly.
I loo%ed between the two, feeling a little stupid. 5;m, getting started with what,
e-actly?7
5#h, we have so much wor% to do<7 lice bounced up and down. 5ou decide,
)ella. 6hat do you wanna do first, the hair or the ma%e2up?7
Swallowing, I ran my fingers nervously through my long hair. 56ait a minute. I
don(t thin%25
5>ela-, )ella,7 >osalie snic%ered. 76e do this every wee%. lice usually starts with me, and then I do her. Hair, ma%e2up, clothes0 the whole thing. /hen we stuff
ourselves with ice2cream and popcorn, and watch movies on the big screen until
we drop.7
I giggled. 5ou(re %idding, right?7 /hey both loo%ed at me with dead serious
e-pressions, and my face fell. 5ou(re serious?7 I held bac% a sigh. /his would be
a long night.
@A@A@
bout an hour later, I was sitting in lice(s room, wearing a purple, fluffy
bathrobe over my pa*amas. &y toe nails had been painted pin%, and my hair fell
into big, soft curls over my shoulders. lice was currently wor%ing on my face,
eying me thoughtfully before deciding on a light brown eyeshadow.
I felt ridiculous.
>osalie was standing in front of lice(s full2si!e mirror, watching her reflection
with a critical e-pression on her face. 56hat do you thin% of my boobs in this
dress? /oo big?7 She frowned. 5#r not big enough?7
She glanced at me, and I blushed. 6as she actually e-pecting me to answer that?
5I... I, uh...7 I stuttered, loo%ing at lice for help.
;nli%e me, lice didn(t appear to be the least bit uncomfortable with the sub*ect.
She threw a brief loo% at >osalie before turning her attention bac% to my eyes.
5Hmm. /ry on the other bra.7 >osalie grunted, but obeyed.
6as this the %ind of things girls normally did when they got together?
/he moment lice declared that my eyes were finished, I *umped up from the bed
before she got the chance to ob*ect. 5I(ll go ma%e the popcorn.7 /hen a thought
occurred to me. 5Hey, lice, do you have any chocolate chip coo%ies?7
She thought for a moment, before sha%ing her head, apologetically. 5fraid not.
Sorry.7
I struggled to %eep the grin off my face. "erfect< 5/hat(s o%ay. I(ll *ust go ma%e
some. I love to ba%e, and it won(t ta%e long.7 lice frowned, and I gave her a
sheepish smile as I hurried to add, 5If you don(t mind me using the %itchen?7
lice waved her hand in dismissal. 5'o, of course not. Help yourself.7
I let out a sigh of relief as I left the room and headed for the stairs. 6hen I had
finished ba%ing the coo%ies, lice and >osalie would hopefully be ready to watch
a movie instead of continuing with this torture I had been forced to endure over the last hour.
s I started descending the stairs, I could suddenly hear voices below me, causing
me to free!e in my trac%s. /he last thing I wanted to do was eavesdropping on a
private conversation, and I suppose I should have *ust turned around and gone
bac% to lice(s room. )ut for some reason, I found myself unable to wal% away.
/he voices grew louder, and I could hear a man and a woman arguing. 7/hat(s not
the point, Carlisle. =ately you(ve been spending more time at the hospital than
with your own family. 6e need you here at home.5
53on(t ma%e this about me, Esme.7 /he man sounded annoyed. 76e both %now what this is really about. ou need to face the truth0 the therapy isn(t helping.7
I reali!ed it had to be lice(s parents. s much as I felt bad about standing here
listening li%e this, I *ust couldn(t help myself. 6hat were they tal%ing about?
7uitting therapy isn(t the answer. He needs help, Carlisle. It(s been si- years, and he still...7
#%ay, enough was enough. /hey were still tal%ing, but I had stopped listening. I
had no idea what was going on, but it was obviously none of my business.
Hesitating for a moment, I considered simply forgetting about the coo%ies and
head bac% upstairs. /hat was when a blond, e-tremely handsome man appeared at
the bottom of the stairs.
He spotted me immediately. 5Hello. ou must be )ella. &y name is Carlisle, and
I(m lice(s father. It(s a pleasure to meet you.7
I stared at him in disbelief0 surely he couldn(t be more than thirty years old, thirty2 five at the most. He definitely didn(t loo% old enough to have teenage children.
However, I +uic%ly covered up my surprise, and tried to smile. 5Hi. /han%s for
letting me spend the night. ou have a beautiful home.7
5/han% you.7 He smiled at me. 5&y wife(s done most of the wor%0 she loves
restoring old houses.7 He glanced over his shoulder before clearing his throat.
5ou(ll have to e-cuse me, but I have to go. gain, it was very nice to meet you,
)ella. ou girls have fun tonight.7 I *ust nodded. moment later, I heard the sound
of the front door closing.
I slowly made my way down the rest of the stairs. beautiful woman with
caramel2colored hair, who had to be lice(s mother, was standing in the middle of
the room. Her face softened when she saw me. 5Hi, )ella, I(m Esme.7 pause. 5ou(ll have to forgive us, dear. &y husband and I were having a...7 she hesitated,
5slight difference of opinion. 6e didn(t mean to ma%e you feel uncomfortable.7
5ou didn(t,7 I assured her, feeling more than a little embarrassed. 5I(m sorry0 I
heard voices, and...7 I stopped, ta%ing a deep breath. 5ctually, I was *ust on my
way to the %itchen to ma%e some coo%ies. lice said it was all right, but I could
*ust...7 &y voice trailed off, and I lowered my eyes.
5"lease.7 Esme smiled. 58o ahead. I(ll be upstairs if you girls need me, but don(t
worry,7 she win%ed at me, 5I won(t bother you. ou won(t even notice I(m
around.7 I smiled, feeling a little more at ease. It was obvious that lice(s parents
were both warm and caring people, and I already li%ed them.
I entered the %itchen, and shoo% my head in astonishment, certain that our entire
house could fit inside that one room. 1or a moment, I doubted I would ever be able
to find what I needed in there. 6as it possible to get lost in a %itchen? I had a
feeling I was about to find out.
bout ten minutes later, I was feeling slightly more positive. s I was mi-ing the
ingredients for the coo%ie dough in a large, plastic bowl, I decided to try a little
harder to en*oy myself tonight. So, I wasn(t all that into e-treme ma%eovers and
comparing boobs. I still felt li%e I had more in common with lice than any other
girl in school, and that had to count for something.
lthough I had to admit, for a brief moment after she got her hands on that curling
iron, I found myself fearing for my life.
=ost in disturbing thoughts about burning hair and coo%ies, I didn(t hear the door
open behind me. So when I turned around a few minutes later and saw Edward
standing silently in the doorway, I screamed bloody murder and practically *umped through the roof. 5Holy crap<7 I gasped, grasping at my chest.
His eyes widened comically at my reaction. /hen he tilted his head to the side,
watching me suspiciously. 56hat the fuc% are you doing?7
56hat am I...?7 I stared at him before reali!ing that he was actually waiting for
some %ind of response. So I held up the bowl in front of me as an e-planation.
5Coo%ies,7 I blurted out, blushing furiously as I remembered that I was still
wearing lice(s bathrobe.
Edward stared at me li%e I had *ust grown a second head. 5Coo%ies?7 he repeated,
a doubtful e-pression on his face.
5&2hm.7 I nodded, wishing the floor would *ust open up and swallow me. /he
words were out of my mouth before I could stop myself, 56anna help?7
I did not *ust say that out loud.
I didn(t need any help0 I needed to get my head e-amined. )ecause I was standing
in front of Edward Cullen, barefoot, in a purple bathrobe, with flour on my face.s%ing him to help me ba%e coo%ies, in his %itchen.
#h, 8od, %ill me now<
Chapter 6
E"#$
I had *ust par%ed the car in the driveway and was about to head inside when I ran into Carlisle, who had *ust left the house and stepped out on the front porch. He
nodded at me when he spotted me.
5Hello, Edward.7 I grunted in response, intending to step past him, but his voice
stopped me0 53o you have a moment?7
Holding bac% a sigh, I shrugged and gave him a +uestioning loo%. 56hat(s up?7
56ell...7 He watched me closely for a moment, without a doubt trying to figure
out what mood I was in. #bviously deciding that I wouldn(t bite his head off for
attempting to spea% to me, he continued, 5I haven(t seen you in a while. I *ust
wondered how you(re doing.7
51ine,7 I responded automatically, raising my eyebrows e-pectantly. 56as that
all?7 Can I go now?
He gave me a strained smile. 5ctually, I wanted to as% you something.7 s I *ust
loo%ed at him, he went on, 5It involves your session with 3r. Clearwater
tomorrow. Esme and I were tal%ing, and25
I interrupted him, 56hat did I do?7
5E-cuse me?7 Carlisle frowned.
56hat. 3id. I. 3o?7 I repeated through gritted teeth. Carlisle never brought up my fuc%ing sessions, and I wondered with a sin%ing feeling what had happened to
bring this on.
He immediately raised his hands in a calming gesture. 5ou misunderstand,
Edward. ou didn(t do anything. In fact...7 He paused. 5ou %now, I was on my
way to the hospital, but I thin% they can do without me for an hour or so. 6hy
don(t we continue this conversation inside?7
I loo%ed at him, blan%ly. 5m I in trouble, or not?7
5ou(re not in trouble,7 he assured me, watching me with a thoughtful e-pression.
5)ut I believe25
58ood. /hen there(s nothing to tal% about. 6ouldn(t wanna %eep your patients
waiting.7 I slipped past him and into the house before he got the chance to ob*ect.
Half e-pecting him to follow me bac% inside, I was relieved when I heard the
engine of his car coming to life a moment later.
I dropped my *ac%et on a chair and headed for the %itchen to ma%e myself
something to eat, since I had deliberately missed dinner. However, I stopped dead
in my trac%s in the doorway when I immediately spotted )ella, standing with her
bac% towards me, surrounded by bags of flour and sugar.
She was wearing a purple fuc%ing bathrobe, and her long, brown hair was curly. I
stared at her, unable to loo% away. Hours could have passed, or *ust mere seconds,
I couldn(t tell. Suddenly, she turned around, letting out a startled yelp as she saw
me. 5Holy crap<7 she shouted, her hand flying to her chest.
I felt a bit bad as I reali!ed I had probably scared the crap out of her, but I +uic%ly
covered up. 56hat the fuc% are you doing?7 I demanded, slowly stepping into the room.
56hat am I...?7 )ella blushed, and I silently cursed myself for snapping li%e that.
1or a moment, I feared that I would be guilty of ma%ing her cry for the second
time today. /hen she held up a white, plastic bowl. 5Coo%ies,7 she e-plained, her
chee%s still red.
5Coo%ies?7 I echoed, dumbfounded.
5&2hm.7 She nodded, glancing down into the bowl before loo%ing up again. 56anna help?7 Her eyes widened, and I could see her practically cringe as she
reali!ed what she had *ust said. 1or some reason, I found her obvious
embarrassment amusing. 6hat the hell?<
56hat %ind?7 It was now my turn to cringe. "lease, tell me it wasn(t me who said
that...
56hat?7 )ella stared at me, the confusion evident in her voice, and I almost
laughed at her shoc%ed e-pression.
lmost. I wasn(t stupid enough to ma%e that mista%e again.
56hat %ind of coo%ies are you ma%ing?7 I clarified, then wondered if it was
possible to feel more li%e an idiot. 6ho the hell cared about the fuc%ing coo%ies?
6hy are you still tal%ing to her? ust turn around and wal% away, the voice inside my head pleaded. ;nfortunately, my feet refused to obey.
She %ept staring at me for a moment, before she finally seemed to snap out of it,
and she cleared her throat. 5;m, chocolate chip?7 I stayed silent, my mouth
suddenly unable to form any %ind of words. /o my great horror, I reali!ed that a
part of me actually wanted to say, 4yes, I(ll help you, I(ll do whatever you want(.
5Hey, I, uh...7 )ella lowered her eyes, obviously ta%ing my silence as re*ection,
and seemed eager to change the sub*ect. /han% 8od. 5I got your note.7
/here I had my answer0 it was possible to feel more li%e an idiot. 5ou read it?7 I
mumbled, wea%ly. /o tell the truth, I *ust wanted to crawl under the nearest roc%
and stay there for the rest of my pathetic life.
5eah. /hat was nice of you, than% you.7 I loo%ed at her, unable to hide my
surprise at her words, and I saw how she bit her lip. It suddenly hit me that she
was clearly *ust as uncomfortable about all of this as I was, which I had to admit
made me feel slightly more rela-ed around her.
5>ight. So...7 I searched my mind for something to say to her, which was totally
out of character for me. 5/hat asshole didn(t hurt you too badly, did he?7 I finally
blurted out, and immediately wished I hadn(t. ust thin%ing about /yler Crowley
touching )ella made me furious. es, so I did care. 6ho was I %idding?
5#h, no, I...7 )ella swallowed, visibly, and I reali!ed I was holding my breath.
/hen she sighed. 5/he thing is, I bro%e my arm a couple of months ago. It(s still
%inda sore, so when he grabbed me...7 She shrugged, loo%ing down at her feet.
I nodded in understanding. 56hat happened?7
5I...7 She hesitated, and I watched in horror how all color suddenly drained from her face.
56hat2 what(s wrong?7 I stuttered nervously, wishing more than ever that I had
*ust %ept my mouth shut.
)ella inhaled, sha%ily, and let out a soft whimper. 5Headache,7 she managed to
cho%e out. 5I2 I need my...7 /ears were streaming down her face and her handswere trembling as she patted the poc%ets of the bathrobe. 53ammit,7 she hissed, a
desperate note in her voice.
I *ust stared at her, helplessly, at a complete loss for what to do. /hat was when the
door swung open, and >osalie entered the %itchen. 56hat(s going on?7 she wanted to %now. Casting one loo% at )ella(s tear2strea%ed face, she instantly turned her
accusing eyes to me. 56hat the hell did you do?7
/urning my attention away from )ella, I glared at >osalie. 'ot that I should be
surprised that the fuc%ing bitch would immediately blame me for the state )ella
was in, and I usually couldn(t care less about what she thought of me, but that didn(t stop the fury from welling up inside me.
=i%e I would actually hurt )ella on purpose.
I opened my mouth, then closed it again, deciding that telling Emmett(s girlfriend
to go fuc% herself might not be the smartest thing to do at the moment. /hen again,
it would most li%ely ma%e me feel a lot better. 58o to hell, bitch,7 I spat out before
I spun around and strode out of the room, slamming the door so hard behind me
that I reali!ed it was going to leave a mar%.
1uc%ing great< nother thing to add to the 4/hings2/o2)lame2#n2Edward( list.
@A@A@
)"#$
/o say that I was surprised when Edward as%ed me about /yler would be an
understatement. In fact, I was shoc%ed that he was still here tal%ing to me in the
first place. 1or some reason, he actually seemed concerned about me, which made
absolutely no sense to me. nd yet, he had as%ed.
I swallowed0 feeling li%e my head was spinning. He had as%ed, and I felt a need to e-plain. 5/he thing is, I bro%e my arm a couple of months ago. It(s still %inda sore,
so when he grabbed me...7 &y voice trailed off, and I lowered my eyes.
He doesn(t wanna hear about this.
)ut then he as%ed me what happened. 3on(t as% me why, but I opened my mouth
without even thin%ing, about to spill the whole tragic story. 1or some reason, it
seemed li%e the most natural thing in the world0 telling Edward about the events
that had ta%en place bac% in "hoeni- before I came here.
’L)" h)$ 2#, B)''*, %#/ 0))( "# ')" 2#! B)''*!’
I could suddenly hear "hil(s voice in my head, *ust as clear as had he been right
there in the %itchen with me. nd then, without warning, the pain hit me with a
force that made me feel li%e my head would e-plode. 1or a moment, I was convinced that I would either throw up, or pass out.
Edward(s voice seemed to be miles away, but my mind still registered his
confusion0 he wondered what was wrong with me. 5Headache,7 I gasped, my
voice crac%ing. 5I2 I need my...7 /hat was when I reali!ed that I had left my pills
upstairs, tuc%ed away in the poc%et of my *eans. 53ammit<7 I all but sobbed, the pain now so bad that tears started tric%ling down my chee%s.
"anic started welling up inside me, and I was barely aware of >osalie entering the
room. &y ears were ringing, and I didn(t understand what she was saying.
"ressing my fingers against my temples and s+uee!ing my eyes shut, I forced
myself to ta%e a couple of deep breaths. /hen I opened my eyes again, my vision
slightly blurry as I watched Edward storm out of the room.
I wasn(t sure of what had *ust happened, but for the moment, I didn(t care.
/han%fully, the nausea was fading, but my head was still pounding and I %new it
wasn(t going to stop until the pain%illers would get a chance to %ic% in. So I
pushed my way past >osalie, ignoring her as she called out my name, and rushed out of the %itchen and up the stairs, tripping over the threshold as I stumbled into
lice(s room.
5)ella?7
lice sounded startled, not that I could blame her, and I desperately waved my
hand at her, praying that she would ta%e the hint and give me some space. She did,
and I almost cried in relief as I spotted my *eans on the bed. It didn(t ta%e me long
to find what I was loo%ing for, and I +uic%ly opened the small bottle, sha%ing out
two white pills into my hand, and gulped them both down without any water.
/hen I slid down on the floor, panting. Hours seemed to pass, and when I finally
raised my head, I found myself loo%ing into lice(s worried eyes, reali!ing I had some e-plaining to do. I opened my mouth, but lice beat me to it. 58od, )ella,
what happened?<7
)efore I got the chance to respond, >osalie spo%e up from the doorway, 5Edward
did something to upset her.7
)lin%ing in surprise, I *ust stared at her for a moment. /hat was when I heard liceta%e in a sha%y breath. 5#h, no< )ella...7
56ait, what?7 I interrupted her, loo%ing between the two in confusion. /hen I
shoo% my head. 5'o, that(s not what happened. 6e were *ust tal%ing, and25
>osalie cut me off, her voice suddenly hard, 5I saw you, crying. ou don(t have to
defend him.7
5#bviously, I do.7 I loo%ed into >osalie(s eyes, holding her ga!e. 5>osalie, it
wasn(t Edward(s fault. 8od, why would you assume...?7 I stopped, turning to
lice. 5>eally, lice, I(m fine. >osalie is wrong0 what happened had nothing to do with Edward. Seriously.7 /he pain was finally starting to ease, much to my relief.
lice loo%ed relieved, but >osalie(s eyes narrowed. It was obvious that she wasn(t
used to people telling her off, and I could tell that she didn(t li%e it. s she *ust
muttered something before +uic%ly leaving the room, I sincerely hoped that I
hadn(t *ust gotten myself an enemy.
/he confusion on lice(s face wasn(t lost on me, and I let out a sigh. 5=oo%, lice,
I(m sorry. If you want me to leave25
5'o< 3on(t be silly0 of course I don(t want you to leave. ;nless you want to?7 She
suddenly sounded uncertain. 5re you o%ay now? 6hat happened? 3o you need to go to the hospital?7
I fought bac% a groan, still embarrassed. 5'o. bsolutely not. I get these %inds of
headaches sometimes, but it(s not dangerous or anything. I(m o%ay. Sorry for
scaring you li%e that.7
lice dropped to her %nees ne-t to me, loo%ing pained. 5)ella, I(m sorry. bout
>osalie, andD7 She hesitated. 56ere you and Edward really tal%ing?7 6hen I
nodded, her frown deepened. 5bout what?7 She must have seen my confused
e-pression, because she hurried to add, 5It(s *ust that, well, Edward doesn(t really... tal%, to other people much.7 pause. 5#r, at all.7
I shrugged, feeling a little uncomfortable. 56e weren(t e-actly having any deep conversations...7 I *ust made a complete fool out of myself. gain.
She was +uiet for a moment, and I could tell that she was thin%ing about
something. /hen she glanced at me. 5ou remember what I said about Edward and
Emmett not getting along?7 I nodded. 5Same goes for Edward and >osalie.7
'o %idding? I nodded again. 5I figured as much.7
lice watched me thoughtfully before she went on, 5I told you Edward(s not a bad
person, and he(s not. He(s *ust...7 she loo%ed away, 5been through a lot.7
I wanted to as% her what she meant, but something held me bac%. So I *ust waited for her to continue. 1inally, she did0 5=i%e Emmett said0 Edward(s adopted. He
came to live with us when he was eleven. ou %now my dad(s a doctor? He wor%s
at the hospital here in town.7
5;h2huh.7 I wasn(t sure where she was going with this. )ut I figured I was about
to find out.
1or a moment, I almost thought I saw tears in lice(s eyes, but I wasn(t certain.
She swallowed. 5I once overheard 3ad telling &om that Edward was one of the
worst cases he(d ever seen. nd he(s seen a lot.7
56hat did he mean by that?7 part of me didn(t want to hear the answer.
lice opened her mouth, but stopped herself as >osalie chose that moment to re2
enter the room. I didn(t %now whether to be disappointed, or relieved. )ecause I
suddenly got the feeling that lice had been about to tell me something I really
wouldn(t want to hear.
>osalie loo%ed at lice and me, still sitting on the floor. She hesitated a little
before slowly wal%ing over to us and sat down as well, a few feet away. 5re you
feeling better, )ella?7 I *ust nodded, not meeting her eyes. She sighed. 5I guess I
was *umping to conclusions before. I(m sorry.7
#%ay, I didn(t see that coming.
I gave her a wea% smile. 5/hat(s o%ay.7 (3id you apologi!e to Edward as well?( I
wanted to as%, but decided against it. )esides, I had a feeling I already %new the
answer to that. Suddenly a thought occurred to me, and I *umped up. 58od, I forgot about the coo%ies< I made a complete mess in the %itchen, I(ll go25
5lready ta%en care of. 3on(t worry about it.7 >osalie waved her hand in dismissal, and I *ust stared at her in shoc%. I thought for certain that I had pissed
her off, and she had gone bac% downstairs and cleaned up after me? &aybe I had
been wrong about her.
lice *umped up as well, insisting it was time to watch a movie. It was obvious
that she was trying to lighten the mood, and for that I was grateful. 6e spent the
ne-t couple of hours munching on various snac%s and laughing hysterically at ce$entura: "et 3etective, and I was having so much fun I almost forgot all about
Edward and my humiliating episode in the %itchen.
lmost. )ut not completely.
It wasn(t until much later, when I was lying in the large, soft bed in the guestroom
and waiting for sleep to claim me, that my thoughts went bac% to the earlier events
of the evening. nd once I started thin%ing about it, and him, I found myself
unable to stop.
/wisting and turning in the bed for what felt li%e hours without being able to find a comfortable position, I finally gave up and swung my legs over the edge of the
bed. I clearly wouldn(t fall asleep any time soon, so I figured I might as well get
up. &aybe I could find myself something to read to pass the time.
fter a brief moment(s hesitation, I +uietly left the room and headed for the stairs.
E"#$
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