Loneliness and WRAP Presented By Sherri Rushman 248-975-9531 or
[email protected] Source: Mary Ellen Copeland The Loneliness
Workbook April 27, 2011 1 Slide 2 What is this Webinar based on? It
is based on Mary Ellen Copelands book The Loneliness Workbook. This
book is a Guide to Developing and Maintaining Lasting Connections
Her book was drawn from her own life experiences and from a
research project the Loneliness Study she did. 2 Slide 3 Gathering
Information 3 Mary Ellen reached out to people from her work shops,
to her colleagues and website on the internet. She held focus
groups where people helped define the questions to ask in a written
survey that she gave to volunteers. She held interviews and more
focus groups to get extra specific information on topics for the
Loneliness Workbook. Slide 4 What is Loneliness? According to Mary
Ellen loneliness is always a unique experience. The word means
different things to different people. A description of Loneliness
would include words that describe feelings. There is no one way to
define feelings. 4 Slide 5 Others Personal Definitions of
Loneliness According to a forty-two year old women living with her
husband and five small children. Loneliness is an old ongoing human
condition. It is a feeling of having no common bond with people
around you. 5 Slide 6 Others Personal Definitions of Loneliness The
feeling is akin to being an alien and all those around you are
speaking of a language and life that you only can see in magazines.
Loneliness is feeling disconnected and lost, even in the midst of
family. 6 Slide 7 Other Personal Definitions of Loneliness Without
friends or a companion. Feeling like you dont have anyone who wants
to be with you. Feeling abandoned and unable to connect with anyone
on either a physical or emotional level Being alone and not
comfortable with yourself. When you have a chance describe on paper
your own definitions of loneliness 7 Slide 8 The person dreamed of
a great chasm-a chasm so deep that she couldnt see to its bottom
with steep rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of
the chasm, looking at the other side. On the other side people were
talking to each other, laughing, and having a good time. There was
no way for her to get to the other side where the people were. The
person felt excluded and utterly alone. Personal Images of
Loneliness 8 Slide 9 One women said that when she was lonely, she
imagines herself enveloped in a plastic bubble, just floating in
space where no one can hear her and no one cares about her thoughts
and feelings. When you have a chance, describe on paper your
personal images of Loneliness. 9 Slide 10 What Loneliness Means to
you Lets explore what loneliness means to you in a exploratory
exercise? Sit back in your chair. Make sure you feel comfortable.
Take a few deep breaths. Now focus your attention on feelings of
loneliness. 10 Slide 11 What Loneliness Means to You To do this you
may need to think of a time in your life when you were lonely.
Focus your attention on physical sensations if they occur. Pay
attention to all your feelings Hold your feelings in your mind for
a few minutes. Take your time. Now Note how you felt during the
exercise. Describe anything that comes into your mind. 11 Slide 12
Sometimes There is a Reason You Cant Keep Supports or Friends
Connections Gone Wrong Overly dependent One sided relationships
When one of the people is negative When one person assumes things
about the other person Being too needy 12 Slide 13 People Avoid
me-Why? Complaining constantly Being self-centered Being fearful of
rejection Having low self-esteem Being excessively angry Worrying
and fretting needlessly 13 Slide 14 Things That Dont Enhance
Relationships Being embarrassing Interrupting, You messages
Sarcasm, Break confidentiality Labels, One person doing all the
talking Threats, Wanting you to be their only friend Ridicule,
Rudeness 14 Slide 15 Remember, There is Hope! People have changed
their lives and shape their life the way they want to. Takes time
and work to improve circumstances 15 Slide 16 Connections Can Go
Right Mary Ellen Copeland knows after conducting a loneliness study
that being lovingly supported and supporting others are powerful
contributors to our social, psychological, spiritual, and even
physical well being. Mary Ellen discovered: Strong connection with
and support from others is essential to healing, recovery, and
ongoing health. From her research she found it is important to have
at least 5 supporters. 16 Slide 17 Connections Gone Right 17 Slide
18 Connections Gone Right 18 Slide 19 Think About the Opposite of
Loneliness Just as you have times when you feel lonely, you also
have times when you dont feel lonely. One man said in the
Loneliness Study, When Im not lonely, I feel connected to the
people Im with. I feel they understand and respect me and that we
are all enjoying this time that we are sharing 19 Slide 20 Not
Feeling Lonely One key word related to not feeling lonely is
balance- a balance between being with others and being alone. Some
other words and phrases that people in the Loneliness Study used to
describe not being lonely were: feeling loved, togetherness,
feeling whole and complete and a sense of belonging. 20 Slide 21
Not Feeling Lonely Once again, lets do an exploratory exercise. Sit
back in your chair. Make sure you feel comfortable. Take a few deep
breaths. Focus on feeling not lonely. To do this, you may need to
think of a time in your life when you were not lonely. If you cant
think of a time, imagine such a time. Focus and enjoy these
feelings. Luxuriate in them! 21 Slide 22 Finding Wellness Tools
Following this slide will be lists of things you can do to feel
less lonely and we can also call them wellness tools that can help
you build a strong support system and a strong WRAP. If you find
yourself without friends and supports, be encouraged it will not
last forever if you explore the loneliness topic in Mary Ellens
book and here today in this webinar. 22 Slide 23 How To Create
Change Join a support group Find a peer to do peer counseling with
a few times each week-which is getting together and divide the time
equally, listening and sharing without interruptions. Go to
interesting things in the community Commit yourself to learning and
to improving your life Learning to enjoy time alone 23 Slide 24
Raising Your Self-Esteem Mary Ellen Copelands book The Loneliness
Workbook has many good self-esteem exercises in it. These
activities are designed to help you improve your self-esteem.
Working on improving your self-esteem is a life long process. The
more you do this kind of work, the better your life. 24 Slide 25
Techniques To Relieve Loneliness Recognize the feeling of
loneliness and make a clear decision to be with those feelings Act
cheerful until you really feel it. You might sing, dance to the
radio or favorite CD, watch a funny video, recall jokes, practice
laughing out loud. 25 Slide 26 Techniques To Relieve Loneliness
Read a book of cartoons Meditate or pray Keep busy doing something
you consider useful, productive and has a sense of accomplishment
Have a good cry Call a friend who is upbeat and cheerful Go out to
dinner with someone who is positive Go to a movie 26 Slide 27
Techniques To Relieve Loneliness Help Others Write a letter Send a
card Send an e-mail Write in your journal Do a task and be happy
you did it Exercise 27 Slide 28 Techniques To Relieve Loneliness
Give yourself a massage Play a musical instrument Read Do something
creative Play with your pet Focus your attention on self esteem and
enjoy your time alone 28 Slide 29 Enjoying Time Alone Looking back
at childhood for some activities you liked as a child you might
like now Build on your interests and special abilities Making a
list of things you could do during your times alone that would keep
you from feeling lonely 29 Slide 30 Finding the Courage to Reach
Out To reach out to others, you have to know that there are good
things about you that would make other people want to be with you.
Use the following list for ideas and add any others you can think
of, and then write down the assets and strengths that you would
bring to a friendship. 30 Slide 31 List of Strengths to Bring to a
Friendship I am a good listener. I am warm and friendly. I like
being part of a good conversation. Im supportive to others. I have
a lot of interests I like to share. I am very compassionate. I am
playful and enjoy humor. 31 Slide 32 List of Strengths to Bring to
a Friendship I am passionate I am entertaining and witty I am
generous and kindhearted I am interested in a variety of ideas,
issues, and activities. I make it a point to affirm and validate
the experiences of others. 32 Slide 33 List of Strengths to Bring
to a Friendship I accept others as they are. I dont try to change
them. I enjoy sharing fun and interesting activities with others I
will go out on a limb for others if they need and want me to do
that. List your strengths that make you a good friend 33 Slide 34
Feeling Good About Being With Another Person One person in the
Loneliness Study said that when she feels good about being with
another person she feels whole. Others said they felt good about
being with another person when they felt they had unconditional
love and support of that person. 34 Slide 35 The Qualities of Good
Supporters Someone you can trust and respect you. Be Confidential
Have time for you. Who will allow you the space to change, grow,
make decisions and make mistakes, who accept you-both as you are
and as you want to be. 35 Slide 36 The Qualities of Good Supporters
Who care about you. Would advocate for you. Make decisions when you
cant and willing to follow your pre-determined plan. Someone who
will treat you well. Not force advice on you. 36 Slide 37 The
Qualities of Good Friends You feel good being with them. Who allow
you to talk freely and express your feelings and emotions without
judging, criticizing, teasing, or putting you down. Describe your
relationships with people with whom you feel you have deep, rich
friendship. If you feel you dont have any, write what you would
like in a friendship. 37 Slide 38 Mutuality Friendship needs to go
both ways. In any friendship it is important for each person to be
there for the other. Both people in the friendship need time to
talk and time to be heard. Friends take turns in suggesting
activities. 38 Slide 39 Mutuality From time to time, each calls the
other. For example, if a childless person watches her friends
children occasionally, then the parent needs to return the favor by
doing something special for the childless person. Do you have
mutuality in your friendships? It works! Describe how it works for
you. 39 Slide 40 Reconnecting with Family Have you worn out your
family relationships? Try to reconnect and be with Family Stop
thinking they dont understand and try to meet them where they are
at. If they wont reconnect no matter what you do, find a new family
made up of supporters who are interested in you. 40 Slide 41 The
Loneliness Workbook by Mary Ellen Copeland, PhD is on SALE at
wrapandrecoverybooks.com books@mentalhealth recovery.com or by
phone: 1-802-425-3660 41
