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www.Scholastic.com/parents S e p t e m b e r 2 0 1 0 • S C H O L A S T I C PA R E N T & C H I L D 6 5
SO
MO
S P
HO
TO
GR
AP
HY
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RF
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YOU JOIN A special club when you become a mom. The
daily dues require you to talk endlessly with other
mothers about diapering, sleep routines, feeding, and
pediatricians, and later, when your children are older, play-
dates, schools, and bake sales. You seem to spend most of
your formerly free time with the other club members or tend-
Like Riding a BicycleYou had all sorts of hobbies and interests before you had kids.
Why can’t they also be part of your life as a parent? BY AMY LEVIN-EPSTEIN
ing to the club’s main focus—kids. It’s perfectly understand-
able—becoming a mom is, after all, a unique, life-altering
event. In fact, many women choose to let motherhood defi ne
who they are (have you noticed the explosion of mommy blog-
gers and tweeters?) and allow many of their pre-parenthood
interests and hobbies to fall to the wayside.
TAKE YOUR TIME
www.Scholastic.com/parents6 6 S C H O L A S T I C PA R E N T & C H I L D • S e p t e m b e r 2 0 1 0
While it’s natural to shift a huge part of your attention to
your children, it’s really not the best thing for them, or you,
to shift all of your attention. “If you try to give 100 percent
to your kids, that means you are leaving 0 percent for your-
self,” says parenting expert and mom Amy Tiemann, Ph.D.,
“and that sets you up for burnout and depression.” Not to
mention guilt. Dr. Tiemann, author of Mojo Mom: Nurturing
Your Self While Raising a Family, says it’s important to follow
your own star both for your personal well-being and to teach
your children by example. Think of it this way: You’re still
the same person inside that you’ve always been in most ways,
you’ve just shoved that part of you into a storage closet. The
ideas that follow can help you open the closet door, rummage
through, and fi nd yourself again in the sometimes messiness
of motherhood.
TALK TO YOUR PARTNER
Some women are lucky enough to have husbands who seem
to simply shine as intuitive partners. But many moms get
what they need because they are good at asking for help
and being specifi c about what they want. Whether your
husband naturally steps up to the plate or you have to
nudge him into the batter’s box, talk to him about what you
think works best for both of you. When you’re shoulder-
ing uneven loads in terms of caregiving, breadwinning, or
household duties, it’s hard
not to let frustration build
in one or both of you. But
when you’ve got the sup-
port you need, you’ll feel
lighter, and you’ll have
more time for your own
extracurricular activities,
like a morning bike ride or
a dance class. When you
need time to yourself, ask
for that, too—you can’t
expect your partner to
read your mind.
BE A ROLE MODEL
Your children shouldn’t
see themselves as the only
planet in your universe.
Connect with a passion you
have, whether it’s one that
excited you before mother-
hood or one you’ve always
WRITE: About anything but your children.
You might start a journal, send an e-mail
to a friend, or pen a silly story to send to
your sister.
READ: A chapter of The Mother’s Guide to
Self-Renewal by Renee Trudeau or Momma
Zen: Walking the Crooked Path of Motherhood
by Karen Maezen Miller.
VISIT: Your favorite museum or art gallery.
For inspiration, you might virtually visit
the Metropolitan Museum of Art’s current
collections at metmuseum.org or the
Chrysler Museum of Art’s collection at
chrysler.org. They’re two of our favorites.
BROWSE: Amy Tiemann’s website,
mojomom.com. Try her podcast and the Mojo
Mom Party Kit (for planning a girls’ night out).
SUBSCRIBE: To a magazine that inspires
you. Travel? Food? Sports? Get in touch
with whatever lights your fi re just by turning
a page. Bonus points if you do it while
soaking in a tub.
QUICK FIX Easy ways to start feeling more centered
TAKE YOUR TIME
wanted to try. Maybe you join an art class, a sports team,
or a foreign language–learning club. You deserve to have
time to develop your personal identity. Doing so is great
for your mind, body, and soul, and it benefi ts your family
by providing your little ones with a role model—a strong
woman who has personal interests, skills, and talents.
Little girls need to see Mom as a bright force with deter-
mination and a distinguishable style so they’ll be encour-
aged to follow their own hearts as they grow older. And
boys will learn that women are admirable and determined
people who aren’t just there to take care of kids, but have
full, complete lives.
REKINDLE ROMANCE
When your romantic life is just a collection of moments
grabbed in between bedtimes and bottles, it can be hard
to remember who you and your husband are as a couple. It
can even be hard to remember what it feels like to be an
attractive and interesting woman. (That’s why fi nding time
alone—even just 10 minutes—to exercise, take a nap, or
wash your hair is just as important as making time to be
with your partner.) Try setting a breakfast date. Lots of peo-
ple do the date night thing (and we recommend that, too),
but something unique and unexpected makes things even
more exciting. Make eggs or pancakes together, just the two
www.Scholastic.com/parents6 8 S C H O L A S T I C PA R E N T & C H I L D • S e p t e m b e r 2 0 1 0
ME
DIA
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KE
RY
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of you, once a week. Instead of going to a movie where you
can’t talk to each other, go bowling or take an evening hike
under the stars. Life is sweeter when you’re more closely
connected. We think you’ll fi nd the time investment is well
worth it. Don’t forget, you’ll be together even after your chil-
dren (far, far in the future!) leave the nest.
THINK ABOUT THE
LONG RUN
Right now, you might be
a full-time mom, but this
stage of your life won’t
last forever—even if you
are raising the equivalent
of two baseball teams like
reality TV mom Michelle
Duggar. “I encourage
mothers to stay connected to paid work in the long run,”
says Tiemann. The economy may make it tough right now,
but if you can fi nd something that fi ts with your schedule,
you’ll expand your world. You’ll also meet new friends and
gain experiences and stories to share with others. The pos-
sibilities are up to you: It could be freelance website build-
ing or waiting tables on the weekends while your little ones
are at soccer practice. Whatever your current situation,
staying in the loop means some networking, whether in per-
son, by phone, or by e-mail. With the abundance of online
social networking tools (Facebook, Linked In, blogs, virtual
communities), it’s easy to do without having to leave home.
“You need to nurture your ties so that those connections
are available to you when you’re ready for them. I think of
it as keeping a small fl ame
glowing, even in challeng-
ing times, so that you have
a spark to restart your bon-
fi re later,” says Tiemann.
ADD YOURSELF TO
YOUR SCHEDULE
Take a look at your cal-
endar—Gymboree class?
Check. Kids’ dance les-
sons? Check. That mommy
time we mentioned a min-
ute ago? That’s what we
thought. You need to actu-
ally put time for yourself
on your calendar. By for-
malizing a standing com-
mitment to “me time” in
writing you’ll get a sense
of permanence—and you’ll
be more likely to make a
habit of it. Agree to meet
with a friend every Sun-
day, for example, or read
for half an hour after
lunch. You should also feel
free to take a spontaneous
breather when you need to,
whether downtime is on
your schedule or not. Even
Superwoman took a siesta
or had a cocktail with the
gals every now and then.
Resist the urge to simply power through when you know
you need a break. Hanging out with the girls might give
you a few more ideas about new museum exhibits opening,
a must-try restaurant in town, a play you’d like to see, or an
art studio o� ering Tuesday night pottery classes. P&C
TAKE YOUR TIME
AMY LEVIN-EPSTEIN has been published in Glamour, Self, and
Prevention Pregnancy. Read more of her work at amylevinepstein.com.
You deserve time to
develop your personal
identity. It’s great for your
mind, body, and soul.
“
”