Lighthouse 2012-2013, Issue 11

IN THIS ISSUE:PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE BIOS

FANTASY HOCKEY IS RUINING MEEVERYTHING ALL-STAR

HONOURABLE MENTIONSVOTING: WHY I CARE

february 26th 2013ISSUE11

are you ready, Henday?

also: don’t forget to





are you ready, kelsey?






are you ready, mackenzie?also: don’t forget to

are you ready, kelsey?






are you ready, Schäffer?also: don’t forget to

are you ready, Schäffer?also: don’t forget to

Editor’s note:pleasego voteYou may have seen election information and cam-paign posters strewn about Lister and might be won-dering what that was all about. You see, this week is Presidential Campaign Week, so the posters are cam-paigning and advertising for one of our two esteemed presidential candidates, both of whom are vying for the position of President of the LHSA.

I know what a lot of you are probably thinking: “Psh, an election? I don’t think I’ll vote, whatever.” No. Wrong. That is exactly the opposite attitude you should have when all of this election stuff comes up.

Many of you are newly 18, and with that number comes a greater responsibility. You now have the abil-ity to vote in municipal, provincial and national elec-tions, and do not take this responsibility lightly. Do you know what the problem with elections in countries like Canada is? Not enough people vote. Shocking, I know. Not only do not enough people vote, young people simply DO NOT vote, despite being given such a powerful opportunity and ability. Young people tend to think that their one vote won’t change anything, and if you think about it in that narrow light, then yes, that is true. One vote in the grand scheme of things prob-ably wouldn’t change much. But what about when 10 000 people think the same way? 100 000? A few mil-lion? Entire elections are changed. By not voicing your opinion, you aren’t participating in a very important conversation concerning… oh I don’t know… YOUR FUTURE. People don’t care when they’re young, and that’s the problem.

With the Presidential Election coming up at the end of this week and the Vice Presidential Elections coming up in a couple of weeks, now is the time to start car-ing. Many of you may use the excuse that you aren’t going to even be at Lister next year, so why should

you care? Seriously? What kind of argument is that? It’s like saying you’re going to destroy the environment because you aren’t even going to be alive when Wa-terworld becomes a thing. That’s a selfish sentiment to carry. THINK OF THE KIDS!

Even if you aren’t going to be living at Lister after this year, you should still vote. Especially if you plan on returning. Think of all the students coming in next year that want to experience a great year, much like you did, with the leadership of the President and Vice Presidents who run the LHSA. Even though many of you didn’t notice what the LHSA has done for you this year, trust me when I say that is because the LHSA ensures that everything runs smoothly. Voting for the right person for the job will ensure this for next year as well.

So please, I implore you: read the candidate biogra-phies in the Lighthouse, talk to the candidates them-selves when they table, attend their debates and learn about their campaign platform. After doing all of that, evaluate what you have learned and vote in the elec-tions. Any current resident of Lister Hall has the ability to vote.

Even though thousands of people live in Lister, I can promise you this: your vote still means something.

- Patrick Nguyen, Editor-in-Chief

LIGHTHOUSE

What is UAPS? It stands for University of Alberta Protective Services. We are a peace officer agency responsible all of the U of A property and safety and security of people.

What is the difference between a UAPS officer and an EPS officer?UAPS officers are peace officers. We have limited jurisdiction and more limited powers.

What does UAPS do for residence?We address any residence incidents and conduct follow up for investigations. We also investigate any complaints regarding staff or residents in respect to behaviour

In case of immediate emergency, who should a resident contact?Always 911.

If a resident would like to report an inci-dent, who should they contact?Call 492 5050. It’s always open. If they witness an-ything or have a complaint, it can be done anony-mously.

Can you [Stephanie] be reached directly?Yes, at: 780 492 3525.

What’s the craziest thing you’ve ever seen in Lister?Four years ago, in Mackenzie, I walked onto a floor and they were playing strip poker. One resident was completely naked. They were told to put on clothes.

Lister Crime Beat #1At approximately 11:30pm on Feb 2nd, UAPS offic-ers were on routine patrol of Lister Center when they located a group of residents consuming alcohol in an office contrary to residence alcohol policy. The resi-dents were all identified and further investigation by Residence Services is now pending.

On Feb 3rd just after 8pm, a resident of Lister Center reported that her laptop had been stolen from a study space within the building. She had left it unattended between 16:30 and 19:00 hours that day.UAPS does not recommend leaving any items unat-tended for any length of time while studying on cam-pus. It only takes a matter of seconds for a thief to make off with it. For more information, please visit DontFeedtheThieves.ualberta.ca

In the early morning hours of February 10th, UAPS attended 2 alcohol related first aid events at Lister Center. Officers, while on patrol, came upon the 1st incident at 3:48 am. EMS was on scene attending to a male after a female resident discovered an intoxi-cated male passed out in one of the lounges. Due to the male’s condition the reporter placed the male in the recovery position and called 9-1-1. He was taken via ambulance to the hospital for further treatment. The other event occurred at 4:23am and involved a female resident who had been drinking at a house party off campus. She was left in the care of sober friends for the night.

the lister crime beat: an introduction

LISTER

In this new feature, the Lighthouse will publish highlights re-leased through UAPS. UAPS wishes to keep Listerites in the know. To launch the Lister Crime Beat, I sat down and chat-ted with Community Liaison Officer Stephanie Hartwig.

By Cara Chong

candidatebio:meganchambers

Megan is running for

LHSA PresidentWhy do you Want to run for this position?We need a strong voice to continue moving the LHSA forward after the unique year we’ve faced, and I be-lieve I am that person. Living in Lister has given me the opportunities I needed to grow and develop into a leader and into my own person. I know I am ready to step into this position and fight to be able to continue to provide those opportunities to current and future residents.

What are the main points of your campaign?• Continue to build the LHSA’s identity: Lister obvi-ously went through some changes over the summer, and the LHSA was given the opportunity to decide what direction they wanted to go in and how they wanted to be identified. I believe that after this year we have made serious strides to where we want to be as a student group, but that this upcoming year is criti-cal in solidifying that new found identity.• Increase awareness of the LHSA:

- With the residents: You’re all members of the LHSA, but I bet it took most of you until well into the school year to even know what the LHSA was and what they do (and you may still not even know eve-rything we do!). I firmly believe that residents need to have a better understanding of their organization and how they are able to interact with it.- With the University students/community: Lister does so many great things for its residents and for the community at large, and people outside of resi-dence unfortunately don’t get to see that. I would like to see more interaction between the LHSA and the larger communities we are part of.

What makes you the best person for this job?I am the best person for this job because of my pas-sion and absolute undying love for Lister, the LHSA and the residents. I am also a third year business stu-dent working towards my Bachelor of Commerce ma-joring in Business Economics and Law. I have lived here for three years now and have been a part of mul-tiple committees and of the Joint Council, so I know how the LHSA works and what needs to be done to keep this organization functioning so that we can con-tinue providing for our residents.

if you had just one sentence to give a message to Listerites, What WouLd it be?This place is my home and I promise that I will put my heart and soul into this position and never stop fight-ing for the good of the residents.

LISTER

candidatebio:samuelwright

Sam is running for

LHSA PresidentWhy do you Want to run for this position?I am quick to explain to anyone who doesn’t under-stand, why Lister is a special place. The experiences I have had in my years here, from my first floor meet-ing surrounded by strangers to the family I have been honoured to be FC of, have shaped me into a new person. In the LHSA over the past year I have realized that the opportunity to run for President is one I cannot pass up. This is my chance to return all I can back to our community, and I hope to be elected to give back to you: the residents.

What are the main points of your campaign?• The residents deserve a better returner proc-ess: We want to move into the coming years with a process that allows residents to return to their floors, and keep working as cohesive units. With Residence Services, I believe we can work towards preserving the floor communities in a way that future first years can feel comfortable and welcome among OC’s that are proven to work together.

• A better presence in the media can help lower the stigma of Lister and improve our public image: While in the past year it has not been uncommon to read slanderous and often inaccurate articles about Lister, there have been very few accounts from those that actually live here. I believe an official and active media presence can better bring attention to the truth about, and amazing contributions of, Lister and our community.

• The events and traditions of the LHSA need to be preserved and protected: Ship nights, Rezfest, tower events, ski trips, charity drives and fundraisers, dodgeball, and the countless other events and pro-grams from the LHSA and its committees are a huge part of what makes Lister what it is, and I strive to make sure that the function, and continuation, of our community is of the highest priority.

What makes you the best person for this job?There are three qualities that I want to bring into this position: dedication, leadership, and innovation. The most important thing I can do for this residence is listen to the people who live here, and that is what I intend to do. This is YOUR association, and the per-spective of the students is what I work for. It was my involvement as a SAL that drove me to be an FC, and my dedication as an officer of the LHSA that drives me to be President, yet it is the roots I have grown to the heart of this residence that give me the knowl-edge that as always, the residents are what make this place home. I have spent my years here outreaching to those around me, and I intend to come into this role with your needs at my core. What we need is an in-novative approach to the LHSA, not as a top-down organization but as a transparent association. I am bringing this dedication, leadership, and innovation to this position. I urge you to please talk to me about what you want in Lister. This is your residence, and I intend to keep it that way.

if you had just one sentence to give a message to Listerites, What WouLd it be?Never underestimate the power of expressing your opinions, so regardless of the candidate, please vote!

LISTER

voting: why i careBy Cara Chong

With elections coming up for the LHSA and the Stu-dents’ Union, it would be easy to bombard you with reasons why elections are important. It would be easy to simply take our word for it, or to ignore us completely. We’re probably still going to tell you why they’re important, but that shouldn’t stop you from asking yourself why are the elections important to you.

There are many reasons why the elections could be important to you. Maybe you know someone running, maybe you trust whole-heartedly in democracy, or maybe this is the first time you’re able to exercise your right to vote (you don’t have to be 18 to vote in these elections, by the way).

For me, the elections are important because each year that I’ve been at university, and living in Lister, I’ve gotten more involved and more aware of the leaders that emerge from our community. I’ve seen that my vote really could have made a difference and I don’t have to look any further than current President of the LHSA Eric Martin.

In September of 2010, I was the first first-year to move onto 4K. Eric, my FC, was waiting in the lounge with a few of his returners and his OVs when the el-evator doors opened and I stepped foot into the place that would become my home for the next two years. Except, it didn’t immediately feel like home, and the four returner boys who were already slamming beers at 11 AM definitely made my dad (who kinda resem-bles an Asian grizzly bear when he’s angry) nervous. But Eric (and Kendra and Christina, my OV’s), were friendly and welcoming and managed to calm my worried parents. Eric reassured them that Lister was a great place and everything was going to be okay. I think the only other time my parents ever saw Eric again was on move out day. And although they would meet many of my other friends many times over, they always remember Eric. They still fondly refer to him as my FC.

Actually, everything turned out to be better than just “okay,” and I learned exactly how important Lister can be in a person’s growth. As many you of you have learned this year, your FC becomes someone you can talk to, someone you can trust, and as far as that goes, Eric never did, and never has, let me down in that respect. The only time he ever let any of us down was when he didn’t show up for the Secret Santa that

he organized (you didn’t think that I’d write this with-out mentioning that, did you, Eric?).

Eric went on to run for VP Kelsey for the 2011-2012 year and won, although not easily. He did not run un-contested and it came down to a crucial number of votes.

I think what’s hardest about these elections is that you’re not just running against someone, you’re run-ning against a friend, probably someone that you know would do an equally good job. If anything, that VPK race showed me the importance of voting. Just a few votes can make all the difference. That race produced someone who would go on to run for Presi-dent.

If I am being completely and totally honest, I never saw Eric as President. I mean, sure I was proud when I found out he was running, and voted for him in a flash. (Is it bad form to reveal who you voted for? Oh well.) But looking back solely on the day that I moved into Lister, I can see that Eric always had it in him to be an amazing leader. Someone who not only shoulders his responsibilities but also someone who inspires the confidence of his Council, and of the community. Someone who had to face a changing Lister, brace us for the worst, yet keep us afloat, and prepare us to fight certain changes and adapt to oth-ers so we’ll come out on top.

It’s hard not to try to take ownership of Eric to show how proud and honoured I am to know him and to have worked with (for) him. Eric has been my FC, my VP, my President, my boss, but at the end of the day, he has become something much more: my friend. Yet, in essence, he belongs to all of us.

I think its important to remember that about our lead-ers. To remember that we’ve been a part of their journey. To all of the incoming FC’s, VP’s, and to the incoming President, know that the rest of Lister is be-hind you, that we’re grateful for what you do, and that we’re proud of you for taking on these responsibili-ties.

So, go hear what our candidates have to say during their campaigns. Don’t be afraid to ask questions. Be-cause if you don’t know them, you can always get to know them. You might discover the reason why these elections, and any election, are important to you.

LISTER

LISTER/LIVING

Many of us on the Lighthouse Committee are third years. Do you know what that means? We have a lot of cotton T-shirts. And I mean, a LOT.

To give you an idea of where all these shirts can from, here’s my personal list:

That’s a total of 27. There are others in Lister with more! Just counting those who are All-Stars and Head Refs and those who have gotten floorwear and tower wear/tower competition wear every year in Lister would up the count, let alone those who have lived in Lister for longer.

Residence aside, university life pretty much guar-antees that T-shirts will never be on your shopping list for the next five years. Lighthouse mandatory, second-year Danielle Hoefele (pictured) comes in at 16, while 1/2 S FC Jason Yuen and Head Ref blows everyone else out of the water so far at 35.

How’s your collection coming along? Send us your coun and pictures! [email protected]

By Cara ChongSO... MANY... T-SHIRTS...

Next year? Didn’t this year just start? Nope, you have only a couple months before this school year is over, so don’t forget to plan early for the next one. Here are some important things to get yourself ready:

Are you happy in your program? Do you know where you’re going with it? If not, meet with a faculty advisor! Google “Ualberta (your faculty) advisor” to find one easily.

Find out when your enrollment date for Fall 2013 is! This will be posted on Beartracks soon. Depend-ing on your program, enrollment dates usually start in March.

Decide what courses to take next year. Look in the U of A calendar, find out which are mandatory for your

program first, and then rank the not-so-mandatory ones by preference so you can prioritize your sched-ule needs.

Plan your schedule using Schedule Builder on Beartracks. Even if you’re not sure, make a schedule that you’re reasonable happy with BEFORE your en-rollment date. You can always change it around after.

Ask yourself how critical your enrollment is. If you know that your program is common, or you have your heart set on your perfectly designed schedule, con-sider waking up early and enrolling the minute you are able to. Classes fill up fast! Good luck!

By Danielle HoefeleWATCHU DOIN’ NEXT YEAR?

3 LDL Jerseys3 Turkey Trot 3 Dodgefest 2 Can I Kiss You2 Customized Dodgefest 2 Campus Cup Jerseys 2 Campus Cup Ref Jer-seys2 Break the Record 1 Backside (from Kelsey

Ski Trip)1 Orientation Volunteer1 Floorwear (4K)1 LHSA1 U of A Alum (from Ori-entation)1 Linguistics Club1 Relay for Life1 Valhalla (it’s on its way, it counts)

Not entirely sure what to do with the looming four-month break coming up? Here are some options for you!

1. You can definitely just go back home. Chill out, maybe get a job, all that fun summer-y stuff!

2. Do something in Edmonton. Whether it is just working here or taking classes, Ed-monton isn’t THAT bad in the summer. But you’ll have to figure out where you want to live!

a) You can stay in Lister. Lots of drop-in (kinda....not really. At least once a week!), still on campus so you can go to classes and what not, and it’s close to restaurants, gyms, and Whyte Ave, which is great to take a walk down on a nice summer day! You get placed in any of the top three orfour floors of a random tower (ie. 10, 9, 8, 7 Henday) and there isn’t a meal plan. You automatically get a single room, and considering it is REALLY HAWT and you’ll be sweating like a pig day and night, it’ll spare you the embarrassment.

b)You can sublet for someone.

This is not a hard thing to do, just ask anyone who is moving out if they need a subletter or talk to any friends and find out if anyone is looking to sublet for the summer. A lot of ex-Listerites will have houses close to campus or an LRT station, which is pretty convenient. Get in contact with the individuals of a house, talk price and utilities, and you’re set!

c) You can find your own place! If you’re planning on moving out of Lister anyways or you’d really just rather find an apartment to live in for a couple months, I suggest you start looking now! Talk to friends if they know of any places they could recommend to you and start looking around campus/LRT/bus stations. Keep in mind, it prob-ably doesn’t matter as much in the summer if it’s a while down Whyte but if you’re looking into a long-term relationship, that 15 minute walk to the bus station might be a pain in the arse in the winter!

3. What am I going to do in Edmonton?a) Get a job. If you’re an international student, find a job on campus. If you’re not, get off your lazy butt and raise some mooola! University isn’t cheap and it’s not hard to find a job at Southgate or as a server somewhere or whatnot. Srlsy. Do it.

b) Take some classes! Registration for Spring/Summer courses is open until May 9th, so if you have some pre-requisites you need to fulfill or you failed a class and want to re-take it, Spring/Summer is a prime-time to take it. Classes tend to be easier (although, way more condensed) in the Spring/Summer as well. If you have a class you need to take but you’re worried you won’t do well, the GPA you receive in Spring/Summer doesn’t actually count towards your over-all GPA! So even if you scrape by with a D, no bigs. BE SURE TO TALK TO YOUR FACULTY ADVISOR! They’ll be able to shed more light on what classes you can take and if there’s a required GPA for it.

Best of luck on your Spring/Summer endeavors! And maybe I’ll see you around ;).

the quick n dirty guide to spring & summer livin’ By Grace Hong

LIVING

5 Ways To Get With an All-Star!By Dr. Penny Tration

For some reason, those of us who live in Lister seem to live every moment for dodgeball. We skip night classes for it; give up hours of studying to watch it, hell I have even stayed here over holidays to get in a weekend full of dodgeball. Some of us even get crushes on players simply because of how good they are. Soon this crush turns into an All-Star and oh my god, you will never have a chance with them now. False. I am here to help. Here are a few easy to hooking up with an All-Star:

1. Be an All-StarAll-Stars goes to everyone’s head. No one knows why, but as soon as their name goes on a list they think they are better than everyone. The best way to hook up with one of them is to get yourself on that list as well. It’s too late this year, but next year hook up with a few exec and a few liaisons in your tower and you should be good to go.

2. Get them drunkAll-Stars love nothing more than going out every night and getting drunk. Alcohol is a great social lubricant, and hopefully it won’t be the only one you use by the end of the night.

3. Watch Game of ThronesEveryone loves Game of Thrones so you might as well watch it now because anyone you will try and get with already loves it.

4. Be More Attractive If you have tried to hook up with them already, and it didn’t work, try being more attractive. Especially now that they are an All-Star, you are going to have to try harder. Wear a shirt with a lower neck, wear some shorter shorts, and in all honesty dress like a slut. People nowadays love that.

5. Pay Special Attention to ThemAll-Stars just got a huge popularity boost when they were put on their teams. If they see you walking around with a bunch of dirt squirrels they won’t be impressed. At the end of the day they are still human beings. Buy them a drink and hit on them a little and everything will work out in your favour.

probLem: dry, cracking LipsSolution: Exfoliate and MOISTURIZE (déjà vu?)

1. Try exfoliating your lips lightly with a tooth-brush. Don’t scrub too hard.2. Layer on the lip balm. Vaseline works too.

probLem: frizzy, unruLy hair Solution: Give your strands a little extra TLC.

1. Try a moisturizing hair mask. You can buy one time packages at Shoppers or you can warm up a bit of olive oil in the microwave and apply to dry hair, wrap up and leave for 10-15 minutes. Rinse with your normal shampoo. 2. Condition, and rinse out your conditioner with cold/cool water. It’ll help seal everything in and smooth out the hair cuticle.

Looking your beston a budget: part two

By Maria Kim

LIVING

I love that the NHL is back. I know a while ago in the Lighthouse I dismissed all possibility that it was return-ing this year, but I’m man enough to admit when I’m wrong and you know what? I’ve never been happier about being wrong.

I have GameCenter Live now, so I can watch liter-ally every game that is played in beautiful high defini-tion, whether it be on my laptop, Xbox or my iPhone. I mean think about that. Y’know in those commercials for GCL where people are on the bus watching games and shit? I AM ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE NOW! So I can be literally anywhere and be able to tune into a Flames game just in time to see them get scored on! THE FUTURE IS NOW.

While I am more than just a little happy that hockey is back, it is also slowly tearing my life apart. I can tell you why in one simple word: Fantasy. I am currently in two leagues, one with my floormates and one with my friends and their friends from Ontario. So here we see two different motivations for me: I have to win the first league because I know everyone in it and I wanna shove it in their faces, and I want to win the second league because I have to prove to these Ontario mo-fos that they’re not better than me. Basically, I just want to win no matter what. And it’s destroying me.

Everyday, I make sure my lineup is set like, 3 times a day. I check in advance what opponents my play-ers are gonna have, how many times they’re gonna play and what line they’ve been moved to, etc. I make schedules days in advanced to add/drop players based on how well their doing and how many games left they have during the week. I even just stay up late some nights pondering about what my team is going

to have to do to step up and win the week’s match ups.

Every game has something riding on it, and every game counts. Whether it’s a +1 here or a powerplay point there, everything matters. A few weeks ago I couldn’t win a match up because my goalies’ total save percentage was 0.0018% lower than my oppo-nent’s. Awful.

Since every game has a player I need to perform, I watch as much hockey as I can. If you ever come into my room on any given night, except for when there’s a midterm or an essay due the next day, hockey is go-ing to be on. Whether it be on mute while I do home-work or on full blast as I cheer for my Flames, it’ll be on. Game on one screen, stats on another. To anyone who plays fantasy sports and still badmouths people who play tabletop and card games: fantasy is just as nerdy. Just because it’s under the guise of sports doesn’t mean it’s any less geeky.

My whole life is consumed by these sports statistics. These seemingly meaningless numbers add up to vic-tory or defeat. I mean, I say that fantasy hockey is ruining my life... But in the end, when Sunday night comes and I see that I’ve successfully taken down my opponent… fuck it. VICTORY!

real talk: fantasy hockey is ruining my friggin’ life By Patrick Nguyen

It’s lonely at the top... at least that’s what I’m told... I’ll tell you when I get there.

LIVING

If you’re hurting from the lack of a Lister musical this year, you’re in luck! The Campus Musical is a new Student’s Union initiative that will be going up in less than two weeks, and yes – there are plenty of Lister-ites involved in the cast and crew, including eleven present Listerites and ten alum.

The Campus Musical involves students from various faculties on campus, giving everyone an opportunity to experience and participate in theatre. It’s a produc-tion run by students, for students, and the Students’ Union hopes to make it an annual event.

This year the musical is Young Frankenstein, a com-edy with all the goods: a little romance, a little mys-tery, a bit of craziness, and a LOT of sexual innuen-

dos. (Weird, it’s almost like it’s meant for university students…)

You know you want to! There are two dinner thea-tre nights (March 8 & 9) and two nights without din-ner (March 6 & 7). Tickets are selling fast, so make you sure you can get yours at TixOnTheSquare.com! (http://www.tixonthesquare.ca/event/run/detail/672/)

For regular updates, join the Facebook event: Young Frankenstein (Campus Musical), or visit the web-site, where you can also find more information about the cast and creative team: http://luay.eljamal.com/YoungFrankenstein/YoungFrankenstein/Home.html

See ya there!

let’s go to a musical!By Sareeta Lopez

LIVING

“IT’S ALIVE! From the creators of the record-breaking Broadway sensation The Producers comes this monster new musical comedy.

A wickedly inspired re-imagining of the Frankenstein legend based on Mel Brooks’ classic comedy masterpiece, the story follows bright young Dr. Frankenstein (that’s Fronkensteen) as he attempts to complete his grandfather’s masterwork and bring a corpse to life. Together with his oddly shaped and endearing helper Igor (that’s Eye-gor), his curvaceous lab assist-ant Inga, and in spite of his incredibly self-involved madcap fiancé Elizabeth, Frankenstein succeeds in creating a monster -- but not without scary and quite often hilarious complica-tions.

With such memorable tunes as “The Transylvania Mania,” “He Vas My Boyfriend” and “Puttin’ On The Ritz,” The New MEL BROOKS Musical YOUNG FRANKENSTEIN is scientifically-proven, monstrously good entertainment…and the only place you’ll witness a live, singing and dancing laboratory experiment!”

being a kid again: nextgen vidja gamez

By Patrick NguyenI can remember three moments when I have pro-claimed, “This is the most exciting moment of my entire life.” Three distinct, uncontrollable moments when all I wanted to do was laugh and cry and scream for no reason, when my heart beat outside its chest wanting to explode, when a grin was so permanently glued onto my face there was no chance of anyone wiping it off. The first was when I first turned on my Nintendo DS on launch day. The second was when I first turned on my Playstation Portable on launch day. The third was when I was carrying my Xbox 360 into the house, exploding with excitement at the prospect of turning it on for the very first time. Do you see a pattern here?

Video games have al-ways been one of my first and best loves. It’s right up there with Fudgesicles, Indiana Jones and fresh-out-the-dryer bedsheets. Good company, I know. Ever since I was a kid, video games have been full en-grained into my iden-tity, beginning with my very first NES from my parents. Ever since then, the love has grown, and as I got older I got the ability make money and start buying my own consoles when they come out. Also coming with age is the ability to discern and read about a product before it comes out, so generally, when those new consoles came out, all I did was pour over every article out there, learning as much as I can while simultaneously building excite-ment for it. For months I’d watch gameplay videos, read game previews and learn about the sweet on-line capabilities it had.

Now, that was a long time ago. I got my Xbox and PS3 in 2006, so that was really the last time I was truly excited for the release of something to that ex-tent. But you know what happened last Wednesday?

THE FUCKIN’ PS4 WAS ANNOUNCED! 7 long

years later, and the new console cycle is finally about to begin (The WiiU doesn’t count, sorry y’all). And there I was, in the middle of reading week with tonnes of work to do, pouring over every bit of information I could. I wasn’t even that excited about a new Play-station since the PS3 is probably my least-played console, I was just excited about something new, and the prospect of brand-new gaming that is coming out at the end of this year. Honestly, I just felt like a kid again. Looking at the new controller, checking out gameplay videos of nextgen games, reading about

the possible new social features the console is going to have. Holy shit, man. New games are coming out.

I can’t help but sit here and think, “I am such a nerd,” but I don’t care. I fully accept my love of new shit and I think that it’s good for me. Having this to look forward to is incredible motivator to work harder in everything I do (Video games ain’t cheap, son). In only a couple more months, we’ll know even more information on the PS4, and probably the new Xbox. And I couldn’t be more excited.

When I was a kid waiting for the new consoles to come out, I’d set a countdown so that every day I could feel one day closer to playing this new thing. So… with that…

9 months to go.

LIVING

By this point of the year, you’ve heard things about this famous All-Star tournament. If you’ve never seen an All-Star tournament before, here’s something that might paint a better picture for you: take your most intense regular season game, throw in 10-12 more cannon-for-arms, a fully packed gym of die hard fans, a wicked sick playlist, better way more intimidating cheers, chocolate milk and dumbbells, and pack that into a full week and there you have it. All-Stars. This year’s festivities start on March 4th!

All-Star Week starts on March 4th, Pubcrawl is March 8th, Alumni Tournament will be March 9th and 10th.

All-Star week is separated into a bunch of different sec-tions:

1. Skills CompetitionThe kick off to every All-Star week, the All-Star Skills Competition puts some of the best player’s specialty traits to the test. Events vary from year to year, but for the most part these have been the past events.

Best SuicideEach tower gets a male and female representative to demonstrate their best suicide using any means so long as the ball hits the target (the opposing doctor net) and the players eliminate themselves from play. Some of the most famous suicides involved chugging a liter of choco-late milk while holding a dumbbell over their head then throwing the ball while stepping over the line.

Hardest ThrowThe doctor net is placed in front of a radar gun (yup, we use a legit radar gun) and each tower sends two males and two females to attempt a throw. To be considered a legitimate throw, the ball must enter the net. Each thrower gets two attempts. Some past cannons we have seen come from names like Poapst, Campbell, Schmid, Smith, Graham and Edwards just to name a few.

Fastest to the LineFastest to the Line is set up as a single elimination tour-nament with two runners of each gender representing each tower. The basis is simple; run fast, get the ball. Last year’s winner for females, Christine Rahman, has won two titles; one for Schaffer and one for Mackenzie. Marika Wagner, runner up from last year, has a chance to seize this title for Henday now.

Accuracy TestThe most stressful 1-minute of this section. One minute, seven targets placed on nets around one side of the court. Each tower sends two throwers of each gender to attempt

this event. Head Referee Josh Browne is the only one to successfully hit all 7 targets last year. Can he keep his title this year as well?

2 VS 2This is by far the most entertaining part of Skills Com-petition. Set up as a single elimination tournament, each tower gets to send 2 teams, consisting of a male and fe-male, for this event. This year there are two males who have won the two VS 2. Who will reign superior this year? Schaeffer or Paulgaard?

2. Round RobinThis is where the dodgeball begins. Each team will play every other team which will determine their match up dur-ing the Playoff Tournament. Anything can happen during the Round Robin. Kelsey came on top last year during the Round Robin with Henday in last place. The making of a Cinderella story anyone?

3. Playoff TournamentWith the results of the Round Robin established, this is where the glory of the All-Star tournament lies. The win-ning team boasts the All-Star Trophy and sets tower pride to a whole new level. Last year, history was made when Henday won their first All-Star Tournament. This year, it’s anyone’s game.

4. All-Star PubcrawlThe All-Star Pubcrawl is the best way to relax after the tournament is over. This year’s pubcrawl is March 8th with the stops being a “mystery.” Everyone wears their dodgeball jersey, everyone has a good time.

5. All-Star Alumni TournamentFormer All-Stars will come out and play for their tower once again. Then, after all the finals have been played, current All-Star Teams will get the chance to face off against their tower’s alumni team. This is a great chance to see some of the legends come back to play at a high caliber level … or just mess around and have some fun.

No matter what you hear about All-Stars, nothing comes close to first hand experience. Go out and watch some high intensity dodgeball and support your tower.* Be-tween tower competition week and All-Star week, tower pride will be at an all-time high. Get in on the action!

*supporting your tower doesn’t mean putting down other towers. Don’t be a douche.

all-star week is here!By Jason Yuen

DODGEBALL

All right, everyone, here’s the deal. We’re all excited for All-Stars. It’s pretty wild watching some of your best friends represent your tower against the rest of Lister, playing some of the best dodgeball you can watch. But there’s something that a lot of people tend to forget while watching (or sadly, even participating in) All-Star week. Somehow, every year, people man-age to forget common ettiquete for dodgeball.

When All-Stars hits, there will easily be at least a hun-dred people in the gym watching every game, in the audience alone,. This doesn’t include the teams, the exec, special guests, side refs, and anyone else who Iforgot to mention. People will come from all back-grounds towatch these games. You may have former All-Stars and Exec sitting next to you, or you may have someone next to you who’s never watched a game. Regardless of how experienced you are with dodgeball, there a few common things that everyone should keep in mind during All-Stars, so that nobody starts shit. Here they are:

1. DON’T ARGUE WITH THE REFS. Seriously, what the hell do they tell everyone from day one? The refs are the ones making the calls. No mat-ter what you saw, no matter what you think you saw, their say is final. So leave it alone, or get kicked out.2. Chill the hell out. Seriously, nobody likes sitting next to that guy who needs to yell at everyone the whole game. Don’t yell

at your team, don’t yell at the other team, the refs, the audience, just chill. You should be loud and support-ive, and cheer for and with your friends, but don’t tell the All-Star in the corner what he needs to be doing. He’s the one who’s on the team, so let him make the decisions.3. Don’t start the anti-tower cheers. ‘Nuff said. They aren’t even as cool as the other ones you could be yelling anyways.4. Make three rows in the audience. A lot of people want to watch these games, especially semis and finals. So move the benches forwards, and have three rows of people. One sitting on the floor, one sitting on the benches, and one row standing be-hind the benches. Just keep yourselves behind the black line at all times. This works, I swear. And be-sides the closer you squish, the more likely that hottie is going to be closer to you. 5. Don’t be a jerk. That rule exists in the LDL not only for players, but for spectators as well. In the end, no matter how competi-tive All-Stars is, it is a game. A game that is everything to everyone, but still a game. Other than that, enjoy yourselves. All-Stars is a to-tal blast, regardless of where or who you are in the Tuckey. So when you’re out there, keep these things in mind as the games happen. Don’t be an ass, have fun, and support your tower!

all-star EtiquetteBy Joakes

While that sliver of warm hope that you’d still receive your letter slowly melts away in your heart, replace it with a new, fiery feeling that will fuel you for the next two weeks. It’s the best part of All-Stars. It’s the rea-son everyone looks forward to this time of year.

It’s pride.

Whether you’ve got the shirt or not, be ready for the gym to be pulsating with energy. Everything you feel when you’re watching a really, really good game – tension, excitement, frustration, elation – every one of those feelings is going to be taken to the max. It’s going to be explosive. This is the time that Lister is radiating spirit, the time when you can cheer on your friends, your floormates, and your tower, with the sup-

port of at least 400 other people.

There are going to be insane doctor kills, and ‘what-thefuck?!’ doctor saves. Godly dodging, and face-shot canons. Unreal shagging and…

Shit’s getting real.

all-stars: What to expect!By Sareeta Lopez

DODGEBALL

Now Lister Hall, you may be thinking “What is this guy talking about...the breast dodgeball tournament ever?! How can that be possible with all the crazy tournaments going on this coming semester. And that pun isn’t even funny.”

I would say “What are you talking about, of course that pun is funny. But you know what isn’t funny, not helping to save lives while doing something abso-lutely everyone in Lister loves for things that mostly everybody loves.”

That’s right my friends, you could be playing dodge ball, while raising money for breast cancer.

Dodgeball+Saving Lives=THE BREAST THING EVERIt’s simple physics people. Do the math. Crunch the numbers. Take the derivative of lovers, friends, family and all things good, and this is what you will get... this, I can promise you.

All we need from you, Lister, is to pledge at least $10 each towards the Breast Cancer Society of Canada, and you will be able to participate in the event.

Now this depends on the number of participants we get, as there is a limit to the number of people we can have as part of the event. For this reason we may have to turn it into a pledge competition, so that the highest pledges get to participate in the event; but that will depend on the number of you who like good things... and puppies.

Teams: Any number of people in a group up to 20 will work. We will mix and match the smaller groups so the teams will have equal numbers, and we can include as many people as possible. Remember to have an appropriate number of girls in each group (enough for LDL ratio).

Signing Up: There will be sign-up sheets in your lounges ASAP.

Date: March 23-24. See you there.

breast. tournament. ever.By Stephen Robinson

a mini-history of the all-star tournament

By Scott VeronellyThis year is the tenth anniversary of the All-Star tour-nament. And it hasn’t always been the spectacle it is nowadays. In its inaugural year, participation in the LDL was lower than we see today. As expansion occurred, the league, and subsequently the All-Star tournament, saw changes.

The 2003-2004 All-Star tournament differed drasti-cally from the tournament you will see in two weeks’ time. Due to low numbers of participants, Kelsey and Henday (known as “Original Lister”) were paired as a team to play against the Mackenzie-Schäffer team (“Afterthought Lister”). Another major difference is that teams were chosen solely on MVP counts.

The second season of the LDL saw major changes to the format of All-Stars and the selection process. This year players were chosen by the Executive team and each tower had their own team. The teams played each other over the course of three days at the end of the first semester and Mackenzie was de-

clared champion. The next major changes came in 2005-2006 with the introduction of the All-Star Alumni tournament. This year the tournament took place in March for the very first time marked the beginning of Schäffer’s reign of terror that saw Schäffer win every All-Star tournament from 2005-2006 to the 2009-2010 tournament.

From then on, the tournament has essentially stayed the same. The exciting thing is that history has a way of writing itself during this incredible week. Players become dodgeball legends during this time. Last year, Josh Browne topped off an amazing year by becoming the only player in recent history to hit eve-ry target in accuracy. A few years before that, Scott Campbell broke the record for hardest throw. The great thing about All-Stars is that you never know what is going to happen, but you know that you want to be there for it.

DODGEBALL

Brace yourself for probably the most controversial thing that’s ever been published in the Light-house.

Every year, after the All-Star lists are released, there’s talk about who should have made the team. Let’s make this clear: everyone who made the team deserved to make the team. The liaisons and everyone else at that All-Star meeting thought so, so let’s let it go at that.

But, let’s be honest, we’ve all talked about who we thought was going to make the team. And truth be told, there are more talented and skilled peo-ple in Lister than there are spots on an All-Star team.

Here at the Lighthouse, we con-gratulate everyone who made their respective All-Star rosters (we can’t wait to cheer you on, seriously). We’d also like to recog-nize some of the other spectacular talent in our halls. Here’s a few:

Stefan Lundberg: A firstie on 5 Henday. He’s small, quick, dodgy, and although he may not have a powerhouse of an arm, he’s accu-rate as heck.

Ambrose Kwan: A great all-around player who contributes to his team on all fronts, from shagging, to throwing, to doctor killing, and to double doctoring.

Marvin Tuazon: A second year who’s really stepped up his game

this year, especially as double doctor. All year he’s been on the throwing end of some key kills and has proved himself as a reliable double when his team needs him most.

Morgan Patzelt: Morgan was on All-Stars last year. Some thought her experience would have been an asset on the Mac All-Star team. Also, she’s a freak-ing varsity athlete and a great sport.

Darian Myshynuik: Don’t call him Bone Wolf 2.0 for noth-ing: won several games soloing against teams, perhaps up to 8-9 people. Missile accurate arm, he’s fast and dodgy. Plays smart.

Shelynn Hui: Soft spoken until you put her on the court. This 8K FC not only loves the game, but is one of the best role models for a very inexperienced team. Having three years under her belt has not only made her one of the best shaggers in Kelsey, it has helped her sense of the game and to made her one of the smartest on the court.

David Semple: The 4K FC has been consistent for AK4-7, making key kills when it counts.

Wilson Chu: A fourth year dodge-ball vet that gets big kills in big games. He’s got the dodges and killing ability of many current All-Stars. And he is a lot of fun to play with!

Kendra Hartley: A previous All-Star who has played exceptionally this year despite being on a great team. Using her dancer roots, Kendra is nearly unkillable.

Matthew Dalla Lana: He’s a beast in the cage, but due to certain cir-cumstances he couldn’t be an All-Star this year. An unfortunate loss indeed, a player like him would have solidified Green Team as a powerhouse in doctor.

Kody Moncrief: A sharpshooter who many think was the most consistent player in the LDL. His leadership and experience would have been a superb addition to any team.

There are many other dodge-ballers just like these who others may have thought were going to make it. Who did you think was go-ing to make it? Let us know!

all-starhonourable mentions

OPINION

important dates and announcements!

CAMPUS & EVENTS

Lighthouse Meeting in Co-Ed Lounge at 10 PMFootloose (Country Dance)LDL exec applications due at 5 PM

Vp Ops Application deadline.

Drop-in Badminton

All-Star Week

Campus Musical: Young Frankenstein in Dinwoodie Lounge at 6 PM

Deadline for Lighthouse issue 12

Vice Presidential campaigns begin

Release of Lighthouse Issue 12

Lighthouse Meeting in Co-Ed Lounge at 10 PMLights Out Lister from 8-9 PM. Floor with the most lights out wins a pizza party.

Withdrawal deadline

Breast Dodgeball Tournament

Kelsey’s Humans vs. Zombies

Feb. 27

Mar. 1

Mar. 3

Mar. 4-10

Mar. 6-9

Mar. 9

Mar 11

Mar. 12

Mar. 13

Mar. 15

Mar. 23-24

Mar. 27-30OneCard printer in Main Lister now available for use!

Breast Dodgeball Tournament sign up form in lounges ASAP. Ask your RA. Alum can participate.

VP OPERATIONS APPLICATION DEADLINE EXTENDED UNTIL FRI-DAY, MAR. 1. Any current Listerite can apply.

If you haven’t gotten your Dodgefest shirt yet, go see Anne Brown in Mac 015.

N+1s (You can tweet us your n+1s using #Nplus1s!)

This... this is a lot of ginger ale.

best picture ever

“I think he smiled at me once, or maybe I just imagined it”

‘I wanna be on an acid trip’

I gave you my cherry, all I wanted was reassurance – Kat

“Marilyn is gone so my room is dirty” – Vedress

I’m not drunk my fingers are fat.

Leina: “Chris, what are you do-ing?” Chris: “Just playing with the head.”

Leni: “What is this letter down here?” “It’s a Q.”

Workin’ it, jerkin’ it, CIRCin’ it.

You covered his shame but not his penis

I’m tryin to revolutionize the LDL – Becky

“Sex counts as academic activity right” – Layna

“It’s so beautiful... When every-one’s dead.” -- Maeghan Jerry

“I’m gonna be so offensive later” – savanna

“K calm down......I’m from Hong Kong.”

Sometimes he likes to watch girls like Danielle and I go to the bath-room and eat poutine together – Rachel

We both like to drink and get really racist – Rachel

“hey, my cousin is a red head and he’s so attractive!!” - Rachel W.

Cerrrrr – Rachael

“who was I petting last night?” – Kelly

Oh my goodness there is a baby raptor in the gym –jacy

“I am scared of a toaster, this is where I’m coming from” –Edith

‘the only brown guy I know is jigar

“I tried lighting a poop on fire be-cause Luke told me to” – Kelly

“I just wanna snort cocaine off someone’s tits” -Dan Fran

“I heard they actually club seals, I’d like to try that one day” –Dan

All I ever hear is the music and the grunting

‎”I try to think of black babies some-times but I think about African chil-dren...then I think I shouldn’t go there” – Ambrose

editorial mastheadissue 11

lighthouseeditor-in-chiefsection editor

mandatories

committee contributors

Contributing writers

+ a special thanks to the lhsa.

see you in two weeks!and vote!

committeePatrick nguyen @patricknguyen

cara chong @cchong

Danielle hoefele @dhoefele

sareeta lopezscott veronellymaria kim @9sBabyGrandma

jordan oakesjason yuen @captawesomes

stephen robinson

hey you! have a house and are looking for a summer

subletter? read on!if you don’t have a place to stay and want to

sublet, you can read on as well!So you’re moving out and you’ve got yourself a house already, huh? Great! Time to move in! Oh, what? You have possession all summer but won’t be in town? So you need someone to sublet for you, is what you’re saying?

COOL!Here at the Lighthouse, we understand that this may be a common problem, and we want to help. If you have signed a lease to a place already and want to advertise to Listerites, then look no further. If you’re looking for a place to stay during the summer, then you’re also in luck!

The Lighthouse is prepared to dedicate a section of our website to people in this predicament. We understand that a lot of you may be a little nervous handing the keys to your new baby over to some stranger, so we hope to help by giving you a place to advertise your place to Listerites! Obviously, Lister is a big place with a lot of people living here, so chances that you know everyone are slim. However, maybe you know one of the peo-ple subletting, or by doing this you reach out to someone that you had no idea was interested in a place. The possibilities are endless! (Note: possibilities are not actually endless, they do end at some point. Sorry, bro.)

How can you take part of this? Easy. Just email [email protected] with the subject LISTER SUMMER SUBLET and put your information in this super general format:

NameDuration available# of rooms availableArea (neighbourhood or closest streetnames would probably suffice)Price per roomPhone number or email so people can contact you

As soon as we collect enough, we’ll post a link on our FB group and site for everyone to check out. If you have other things about your place you wanted to talk about, then you can disclose that when people contact you.

Did we mention we’re doing this out of the kindness of our own hearts? You don’t have to pay us anything, unless you wanna give us high-fives or chocolates or something. Then that would be cool too.

So again, just follow the instructions above and send it in, and we’ll make sure that your place gets posted. If you for some reason don’t understand the above instructions, here is an example:

Leeroy JenkinsMay 1st to August 30th2 rooms availableMcKernan$400 + utilities780-123-4567, [email protected]

Documents

Lighthouse 2012-2013, Issue 11