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8/4/2019 Lies Liars
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How To DetectLies & Liars
How to protect yourself from criminals
who lie to hurt, cheat or deceive.
Not all liars are dangerous
but all dangerous people lie
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Can you tell when someone is telling a lie?
Or, maybe the more appropriate question
should be: Can you tell when someone is
telling the truth? In a world full of untruths, does
anybody really tell the truth anymore?
What we are most concerned with, for purposes of
this report, are the lies that, unchecked, would have
a disasterous effect on the person to whom they are
told. It may be in the form of being physically hurt,
even killed. Or nancial losses that may result from
identify theft, forgery or fraud. And the mental or
emotional damage that comes with the loss of trust
in people.
Not all liars are dangerous people, but dangerous
people always lie.
What is a lie?
Websters Dictionary denes lie (noun), as an
assertion of something known or believed by the
speaker to be untrue with intent to deceive; as a
verb, it is to make an untrue statement with intent
to deceive. Lies are the diluting, rerouting and
rearranging of bits and pieces of language into a
form of verbal evasion intended for deception,
distortion, or denial of the truth.
Lies may be typed into two general categories:
lies of commission and lies of omission. Lies of
commission are deliberate misstatements of facts;
fabrications out of perhaps, a small grain of truth;
statements based on nothing at all, except that the
speaker wants to deceive. They can also be out and
out denials of the truth. Lies of omission are those,
which the speaker doesnt say, as opposed to what
they say. However, the intent to deceive is present.
Sometimes, even silence can be an eloquent lie of
omission, when the speaker chooses to hide thetruth by not saying anything at all.
Max, a sales rep for a large paper company, had
been trying to land a new printing company account
for months. Hed made numerous sales calls and
follow-ups, and as far as he was concerned, his hard
work was going to pay off. Indications were that he
would soon get his rst order from the company.
Thats why, at the weekly sales meeting, he was
shocked to hear another sales rep, Lisa, announce
that she had landed the account and had written
her rst order for them. Max immediately spoke
up and told her hed been working on getting that
account for months. She had replied that she had
been completely unaware of that, and that she toohad been calling on the printer and had nally
gotten a break.
The sales manager told Lisa that he did know Max
had been calling on the company for some time
and that he had never heard her talk about it. To
this, Lisa simply repeated that she had, in fact
been calling on the company for a long time too
Sometimes, even silence can be an eloquent lie o omission
when the speaker chooses to hide the truth by not saying any-
thing at all.
Because they were such a large printer and could
represent a huge amount of business, she hadntwanted to say anything until she knew for sure she
had the account. Max was sure Lisa was lying but
at the moment, didnt know how to deal with it.
Max left work early that day. There was a trade
group meeting that night and he normally attended
but after the days disappointment, he wasnt in the
mood for it. On the way home, he stopped by an
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electronics store because his organizer had given
out and he needed a new one. He wanted the exact
same brand and model and, when he couldnt nd
it, he asked a sales clerk. Without looking, the
sales clerk told him that they were all out. When
Max suggested they might have some in the stock
room, the sales clerk emphatically repeated thatthey didnt have any, then added they would be
receiving more in a couple of days. He told Max
he would be happy to call him when they came in
and took his phone number.
When Max arrived home
the house was dark and his
wife, Jennie, was gone. He
went for a short bike ride
and then took a shower. He
was in the kitchen lookingfor something to eat when
Jennie walked in. She was
surprised to see him and said
that she thought he had his
monthly meeting that night.
Max told her about his day
and why he wasnt at the
meeting. She was wearing
a summer dress and had
her hair xed. He told hershe looked nice and asked
where she had been all
dressed up. She replied
that she had been visiting
her friend, Linda. Theyd
had a late lunch together
and then just started talking
and the time got away from
them. After the day hed
had, Max couldnt help butfeel suspicious.
Max has been lied to. More than once during the day,
someone has not told him the truth. Its important
for Max to be able to know who was lying to him.
Without exception, in every instance where he lets
the lie go or believes it, there will be a negative
impact on his life. Conversely, not knowing that
he hasnt been lied to will also produce a negative
consequence. He can do nothing but benet from
knowing whos lying and whos telling the truth
So, who was lying to Max? How can you tell?
Why do people lie?
Self-preservation is a primary motivation for most
lies. People lie to cover up or deny something they
did, or are about to do, which they know is wrong
The fact is we are taught to
lie at an early age
We learned, as children, that
people tell lies without s
much as blinking an eye
We also learned how tofabricate them ourselves
but it was alright becaus
we were being creative and
imaginative. We found out
that sometimes it was good
to tell a lie, and sometimes
not. But where were we
supposed to draw the line?
And how did we know when
we had crossed it?
Mom is dead tired after a
very long day at her job in
the supermarket. She tells
little Joey, If uncle Tim
calls, tell him Im not home.
So, when Uncle Tim calls
and little Joey tells him that
mommy isnt home, is that
acceptable? Mommy had
asked him to lie, and for a good reason. Is this justa little lie that doesnt do anybody any harm, or, is
it another lesson-learned for Joey that he could use
later in life?
We could go on and on with examples like these
til kingdom come and never want for more. The
truth that we must face is this: we are a society of
liars, raised in a culture of lies. There are white lies
Self-
preservation
is a primary
motivation
for most lies.
We live andbreathe lies
every moment
of the day.
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half lies, subtle lies, blatant lies, lies to make us
feel good, lies to make us feel bad. There are lies
designed to offend, lies designed to defend, lies
told to us, and lies told by us.
We live and breathe lies every moment of the day.
We are bombarded with them everywhere we turn.
The media will take a small grain of truth and blow
it up so cleverly that we believe them enough to
shell out hard-earned dollars. Can we, as a social
group of gullible human beings expect people not
to lie? The answer is: we cant and we dont. The
best thing we could hope for is to be able to tell
when people are lying to us.
As we mature, we develop a benet versus
consequences scale. The decision whether to lie
or not is based upon the individuals assessment ofwhether the benets of telling the truth outweigh
the consequences that will result from telling a lie.
The fear of consequences typically falls into one or
more of these areas:
1. Fear of loss of esteem.
2. Fear of prosecution or punishment.
3. Fear of embarrassment.
4. Fear of restitution.
5. Fear for their own physical safety.
People also lie out of embarrassment. They may
be ashamed of some condition or predicament in
their life, so when asked about it, they lie. And
nally, people do actually lie out of kindness or to
be polite. When most people are asked how they
are, they answer ne or good, even though
the truth may be far from that. When a wife asks
her husband if he likes her new dress and he says
great even though he hates it. Even though these
are lies in an absolute sense, theyre considered
acceptable because they do no real harm to the
person they are told to. They are lies designed to
keep the peace.
Why do criminals or other types of dangerous
people lie?
Quite simply, criminals lie because they have
something to hide, either because of what they have
already done, or what they are about to do. Lying
may also be used to lull an innocent person into
a false sense of security, rst, before the criminal
acts. With careful use of language a liar can distract
your attention away from his real intentions.
A person is a danger to society when his sense of
right and wrong is askew. It makes no difference
whether the person is a murderer, armed robber
child molester, or simply a troublemaker. He
believes and lives by different rules from your
and mine. Often, his sense of who he is, is dened
by the hateful things that he does. Some expert
are convinced that some people are born with
the inherent tendency to criminal behavior. But
whatever the reasons, dangerous people do lie.
Spotting lies can be a valuable early warning
signal to us that trouble may be brewing. For mos
people, even experienced criminals, lying can be
uncomfortable or difcult, so they will often tel
a partial truth. Theyd rather lie by omission, not
commission.
Manipulating words to deceive.
There were rumors circulating that singer WhitneyHouston and her husband were using illegal drugs
When she was asked by a reporter if it was true
she got angry and said, I am not a drug addict
If I were an addict it would adversely affect my
performance on stage. Therefore, as you can see
I am not a drug addict. The point here is that she
was not accused of being a drug addict, only of the
occasional recreational use of an illegal substance
She got angry, over-reacted and did not answer the
real question.
All things being equal, most people would really
rather tell the truth, and if they must lie, they will
disguise the lies with carefully evasive words, or
just plain outright fabrications.
For better or worse, we live in a world of deception
There are as many motives to lie, as there are lies in
the world. And like it or not, at times youre going
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to be lied to; that much is a certainty.
If lies had no effect on your life, it probably wouldnt
matter whether or not you knew if someone was
lying to you. However, this is not the case. Just like
Max, every time we are deceived, regardless of the
nature of the deception, we are losing something.
Our happiness, effectiveness and success, in
business and in our personal lives, are determined
by the decisions we make. We all make decisions
about what actions to take and when and how to
we stand to lose a great deal when we constantly
make bad decisions.
Not being able to tell when someone is lying to
you, and not being able to nd out what the truth is
can cost us nancially, career-wise, even our lives
We cant overlook the safety risks associated with being lied to. While such risks may be indirec
or rare, they are there. There are more dangerous
criminals on the streets today than ever before.
You may be working alongside them, interviewing
them for a job or hiring them to work on your
house and not even know it. For this reason alone
its worth remembering that, Not all liars are
criminals, but all criminals will lie to you. It pays
to be able to tell what the truth is.
In the business world we know that approximately
7% of all job applicants have a criminal record and
the majority of them lie about it. About 8% give
a phony Social Security number to conceal their
true identity, about 17% have led a fraudulent
workmens compensation claim, and over 30% lie
about their education or prior employment.
By comparison business people get off easy. Kids
lie to their parents. Parents lie to their kids. Adults
lie to each other. Now not all lies are harmful. A
husband who tells his wife how great she looks in
that new dress (when he doesnt really like it) is no
being a bad person. Hes just trying to make hi
wife feel good about herself. But those are not the
type of lies we are going to discuss in this report.
For most people, being able to detect lies and
get to the truth has more practical applications
in everyday life. The rst rule is when it comes
to detecting lies and uncovering the truth, thereare no ironclad rules. Due to the complexity of
human relationships, cultural differences, persona
characteristics no one factor will determine whether
or not a person is lying.
Early detection
As with many areas of life, when dealing with liars
the best offense is a good defense. You can save
Not being able to tell when someone is lying to you, and not
being able to fnd out what the truth is can cost us fnancially,
career-wise, even our lives.
take them, based on information. The decisions
we make are only as good as the information we
base them on. Sometimes our information comes
from impersonal sources such as reports, books orthe media, but often times it comes from personal
contact with friends, family and colleagues.
If someone lies to us and we believe him and make
a decision or take an action based on believing what
they have told us, we are going to be making a bad
decision. And while it is true that many decisions
have relatively minor consequences, cumulatively
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yourself a lot of aggravation by determining early
on who is most likely to be dishonest with you.
This amounts to being able to read people and is
not as difcult or mysterious as it may seem. It is a
skill that can be learned and becomes sharper when
practiced consistently.
Weve all had bad experiences in which people
were dishonest with us. Weve all experienced the
revelation of 20/20 hindsight. I should have seen it
coming. Looking back, it
was so obvious. Statements
like these are proof that
we failed to see the signs
that would have helped us
avoid an unpleasant episode
in our lives. How do you
develop the skill of readingpeople? Here are six general
guidelines which can help
you.
First and foremost, spend
more time with people.
Increasingly, we conduct our
lives in a very non-personal
manner. Phones, faxes and
e-mail all have made it not
only possible but often
preferred to communicate
through technology instead
of in person. To be able to
make accurate assessments
about peoples behavior,
you have to spend more
time interacting with them.
Second, you need to be a
good observer. Stop, look and listen and, above all,be patient. Few people reveal themselves quickly
to others and you should be wary of those who do.
Third, you have to be willing to reveal something
about yourself rst.
It doesnt have to be an intimate detail of your
life. Again, most people are uncomfortable with
that behavior anyway. But you have to be willing
to break the ice. Its the lost art of conversation
and you have to be willing to initiate it. Once you
do, it is only natural for you to ask the other person
something about himself. From that point on its
simply a matter of conversation.
Fourth, you have to be objective. If your state of
mind is one of need, fear, defensiveness or if you
are emotionally involved in some way with the
other person, you must work to overcome that
Establish an objective state
of mind, be conscious of it
and work to maintain it.
Fifth, as part of being
objective, you have to start
from scratch. Be aware of
any bias or preconceivednotions you may have and
work to eliminate them.
What you want to look for is
patterns in peoples behavior.
Later we will refer to this as
establishing a baseline for
that person. Look for striking
traits and characteristics
but make sure you conside
them in context of thecircumstances. Then look
for extremes or deviations
from the pattern. When you
nd them, ask whether or
not they are temporary or
permanent. Is it a phase th
person is going through o
does it seem indicative of a
permanent condition? As
yourself if the traits are elective or permanent.
A persons appearance can give many clues as to
their character. Look at their clothing, hair, jewelry
make-up and hygiene. Of course, you always have
to consider these things in the proper perspective
Someone who dresses poorly may not be bad or
dishonest, clothing may just not be a priority in their
life. Someone who wears an excessive amount of
...you have to
be willing to
break the ice.
Its the lost art
of conversation
and you haveto be willing to
initiate it.
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jewelry may be very outgoing or they may be very
insecure. Also, pay attention to the way a person
speaks, including the words they use, how fast they
talk and the tone and quality of their voice.
Typical attitudes displayed by people being
questioned about some fear-provoking incident:
Those who are truthful
Calm
Relaxed
Cooperative
Concerned
Sincere
Certain, sure-footed
Untruthful
Impatient
Tense
Defensive
Outwardly unconcerned
Overly friendly, polite or cooperative
Uncertain
Attitudes common to untruthful people
Nervous
Angry
Quiet
The most important thing to remember when you
begin practicing your observation of others is that
you cannot draw a conclusion based on any single
thing.
Youre looking for what is normal or typical for that
person. Then you want to determine what, if any
deviations from that norm they exhibit. Deviations
indicate that something is amiss and are a warning
ag. They should serve to heighten your awareness
of the persons actions and words and not give in
to blind trust.
In learning to be observant think of yourself as a
detective, looking for every detail and clue you can
get from someone. Make a game out of it. Make
it fun and you will soon nd practicing it to be
second nature.
When it comes to people who lie, basically there
are four frequently used categories for them:
Occasional liars, frequent liars, habitual liars and
professional liars.
Occasional liars are the easiest to spot through verba
and non-verbal clues. They are not comfortable
lying and this will reveal itself. Because of this
they tend to think their lies through and will seldom
lie about something that could be veried through
others.
Frequent liars are still uncomfortable with lying but
are just more used to doing it. As a result, the verba
and non-frequent liars are still uncomfortable with
lying but are just more used to doing it. As a result
the verbal and non-verbal clues will be subtle. They
tend to be sloppy when it comes to thinking their
lies through and can often be revealed by looking
closely at the internal consistency and logic of their
statements.
Habitual liars dont care. It doesnt bother them
to lie and hence they give fewer observable clues
However, their lies are generally fraught withinconsistencies.
Professional liars lie for a purpose. Even though
they are relatively rare, they are practiced and
polished and the only way to detect them is through
verifying their story with independent sources.
No single behavior by itself proves anything.
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You must rst be able to determine what is normal
for each person.
In interrogation training for law enforcement,
this is referred to as baseline behavior. Once
you establish what is normal or baseline for each
individual, you can then look for changes or
deviations in that behavior. Because no single
behavior by itself proves anything, you then need
to look for clusters or patterns of deviation from
the baseline norm.
Ask yourself, What subjects or questions appear
to cause the persons behavior to change?
That being said, there are some types of behavior,
which studies and experience have shown to most
likely be signs of someone reacting to the stress
that occurs when they tell a lie. These classic
symptoms are generally accepted as deviations
from normal non-stressed behavior.
A trail of clues...
Inevitably lies leave clues. These clues are caused
by stress. Unless someone is a complete psychopath
or a professional liar, lying is stressful for him.
Even habitual liars feel stress when they are lying.
The reason for this is as old as mankind. Every
authoritative source on lying and lie detection
agrees on one thing:
A person lies because he feels threatened and is
trying to survive.
Just as with a physical threat to our person or
property that instinctive ght or ight mode
takes over, even though the threat is verbal and
not physical. Blood pressure goes up, the heart
rate increases and breathing goes out of sync.
These conditions are caused by and are signs of
stress. And they are beyond our ability to control.
Mechanical lie detectors work based on their ability
to electronically sense these signs of stress.
Even though the stress signs of lying may be a
good deal more subtle than an attack from a wild
animal, the fact is they are there and with training
and practice, they can be detected using only your
senses. No matter how hard they try, a person
experiencing this kind of stress will not be able to
hide it completely. They may be able to contro
some of the manifestations the stress of lying
creates, but they wont be able to contain them all
When numerous stress signs become evident thelie will reveal itself.
There are exceptions to using observable signs
of stress as indicators of a lie. Specically
children, the mentally challenged, psychotics and
sociopaths, and those under the inuence of drugs
or alcohol may not give clues which can be reliably
interpreted.
When someone is lying they will usually be in one
of ve emotional states when responding:
Anger.
Depression.
Denial.
Bargaining.
Acceptance.
When numerous stress signs become evident the lie will revea
itsel.
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Anger, depression, denial and bargaining are all
classied as negative emotional states.
When a person responds to questioning with anger
he is mentally shutting down his mind to questions.
Depression is anger turned inward and, again,
they will resist telling you anything. Denial is the
most common stress-response state. Over 90%
of deceptive behavior is denial. However, it can
often be worked through with the right approach.
Bargaining, while still a negative emotional state,
is a transition stage on the way to acceptance.
Acceptance is a positive
emotional state in which
the person who has lied to
you will, at last, tell you the
truth.
Much of what we know
about detecting lies comes
from law enforcement. They
give a lot of attention to
these stress-response states
during the interview and/or
interrogation process.
For most of us, the process
of nding out if were
being lied to is more ofan interview process than
an interrogation scenario.
However, some of the same
principles and techniques
can be applied. They
are especially useful in
situations where you have
the authority to pursue the
truth about an incident or
statement, as in an employer-employee, or a parent-sibling relationship.
With the general clues to lies being signs of stress,
there are two categories into which those signs fall.
Several different terms have been given to these
categories, psycholinguistics and neurolinguistics
among them, but it is simplest just to view them as
either verbal or non-verbal clues.
Verbal clues are what the person says, the way
they say it, the words and grammar they use. Non-
verbal clues are those which manifest themselves
physically and can be observed in a persons body
language.
Determining Lies
Much of your ability to nd out if someone is lying
to you will depend on your relationship with that
person and the setting in which the exchange you
have takes place.
For example, if a co-worker
tells you something over a
drink after hours and you
question the validity of what
was said, your approach to
nding out the truth will be
different than if you were the
persons boss and you were
questioning them at work
The context of the situation
(work, social event, at home
in public), your relationship
to the person (stranger, co-
worker, spouse, friend, child)
and how long youve known
them must all be considered.
These factors will determine
the rapport you have with
the person, which will in
turn determine your tone
and approach to them. Most
importantly it will determine
how quickly and accurately
you are able to establish the
persons behavioral baseline
Questioning a Liar
It makes no difference whether the person you are
about to question is a spouse, child, best friend
employee or total stranger, you always want to try
to make the person comfortable. Take the attitude
of being curious to know what really happened
Quick accusations generally incite denial or
Denial is the
most commonstress-response
state.
Over 90%of deceptive
behavior is
denial.
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confrontation and you will be at an impasse. Its
often more productive to try to extract as much
information as you can before directly confronting
the person.
Determining whether youre being lied to involves
some strategy. Once youve established a persons
baseline behavior, the strategy is to nd a question
or comment which causes them to deviate from that
baseline behavior. You want to nd out which
buttons you need to push.
Once you nd out what causes the person to
exhibit stress, you can pursue a direction with the
conversation that will give you more clues, and
ultimately, a conrmation of what you want to
know.
Preparing for the interview.
The guilty person is afraid of being caught and
punished. Putting the subject at ease is the rst
step in setting up the interview. You want to put
forth an image of being friendly, curious, exible,
and yes, sympathetic. In other words you want to
build a rapport by being an active listener. Showing
patience, acceptance, even detachment gets you
and the subject on the same side, so to speak.
Especially in the early part of an interview, you
must avoid direct accusations. Unless, of course,
you have physical evidence to present that is so
compelling that a confession is all but inevitable.
Presenting the questions. Generally, there are
two types of questions used in interviews: closed
questions and open questions.
Closed questions are specic and typically limit the
number of possible responses to Yes or No. They
work best when you need or want to tightly control
the interview, or where the subject is reluctant to
give detailed responses. Probing too soon with
closed questions makes it more difcult to build
a rapport with the subject. It also tends to allow
the subject to take a position and get locked into a
lie, rather than giving him an opportunity to reveal
important information that may prove useful later
on.
Open questions cannot be answered with a Yes or
No. These questions require the subject to think
clearly. And even though they may create more
stress for the interviewee, the also reveal the greatest
amount of information. Most open questions ask
who, where, when, what, why or how.
Open questions help you accomplish several
goals:
Discover the subjects priorities, attitudes, needs
values, etc.
Allow the subject to express his viewpoints.
Establish rapport.
Engage in active listening and give the subjecrecognition.
Allow the subject to reveal facts without feeling
directly threatened.
Criminal investigators learn to use the open-ended
question to elicit information from a suspect. And
at the same time, the open-ended question tends
to avoid words that threaten the subject with pain
or punishment. If you ask a subject the following
question: Did you steal the money from the cashregister? The subject is going to be defensive
volunteer little information, and lose rapport
with the interviewer because of the nature of the
question.
On the other hand, if you ask an open-ended question
such as: Fred, last night someone removed a smal
amount of cash from the register. I am sure they had
a good reason to take the money, and they probably
intended to return the money the next day. You
were on duty last night, can you tell me everything
you can remember about what you saw last night?
Now take your time, think back to about 8:30 PM
and try to remember what you saw.
This type of open-question allows the subject to
reveal information that he didnt intend to reveal
And, because he is under stress, he will never
be able to remember all the lies he has told. So
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after the subject nishes telling his story, you can
question bits and pieces. You can reverse the order
in which he gave you the information. He started
the story about 8 PM and went until 9:30 PM, so
you either begin questioning him in the middle, or
start at the end and work backwards. If he is lying,
he will lose control of his story.
Verbal Clues
In examining each area of the lying phenomena, it
is worth repeating the cardinal rule of lie detection:
No one word, action or behavior, by itself, proves
anything. You must look for cumulative clues and
you must view them in context of the situation.
That being said, there are some verbal clues that
may be considered strong indicators that someone
is lying to you.
Pitch, Volume, and Rate of Speech
The presence of stress in a subject can be revealed
by a change in the pitch of the voice. This is why its
important to begin the interview in an atmosphere
that is as calm and relaxed as possible. For most
people, the pitch of the voice will rise when they are
under stress. Another sign of tension is a change
in the volume of the voice. The tendency is for
the volume to increase under stress. However, for
some people, when tension is coupled with guilt
the volume of voice tends to drop.
When a person is confronted with questions they
have anticipated, normally their rate of speech wil
speed up. Thats because he has rehearsed his alibi
and he is anxious to prove his innocence by getting
the answers out as quickly as possible. Also
because the answers have been mentally rehearsed
there is no need to think about the questions before
answering.
Lies are verbal actions in that they are spoken. The
person is looking for the least anxiety-producingway of escape from having to deal with the truth
Lies have been compared to an iceberg - there will
be bits of truth in what is said, but the bulk of what
exists is being kept hidden from you.
In law enforcement, improved questioning and
interrogation techniques, along with behavioral
psychology and extensive real-life experience has
resulted in being able to identify many predictive
indicators of lies.
In the case of pure fabrications, the truth usually
presents itself easily and quickly. Made up storie
usually dont have a lot of details. If you ask for
details, the person will probably have to pause
before answering or answer awkwardly.
The liar will often use your words to make a point
and may keep adding more information to try to
sell you his story. They may stonewall with their
answers or make a classic Freudian slip.
In cases where someone is being questioned about
a specic incident of wrongdoing, there are some
general indicators of deceit:
A liar may try to diffuse the situation by making
light of it through humor or sarcasm.
He will have the answers to many questions down
pat, almost rehearsed.
A liar may try to diuse the situation by making light o it through
humor or sarcasm.
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He will stall by asking you to repeat a question or
by answering a question with a question.
He seems to relax when the subject is changed
or casually try to slip things through during the
conversation. Numbers relating to facts will often
be similar or multiples of each other.
He will talk about others doing similar things (This
is the thats nothing compared to what Joe did
scenario.)
Or he may come up with
a story that is simply too
implausible to ever be
believed.
Because a person under the
stress of telling a lie will
usually go into one of the
ve stress-response states,
you can look for the state to
manifest itself with a type
of verbal response.
Anger can be either focused
or covert.
If anger is focused, the
person being questioned
will verbally attack the
one asking the question.
Signs of covert anger are
complaining, belittling,
arrogance, and making
issues out of non-issues. In either case, when a
person starts reacting this way it is safe to draw the
conclusion that something youve asked them hascreated a stress-response reaction.
Depressed subjects will talk about all forms of
physical ailments that they suffer from such as
headaches or even chest pain. They may complain
about a stiff neck, tell you about a lack of appetite
and their inability to sleep. The key to identifying
these types of comments as depression is if the
subject tells you these symptoms are a direct result
of, or associated with the crime, crisis event or
problem in which the person is being questioned.
Of the ve stress-response states, denial is the most
common.
Over 90% of deceptive behavior will be in the formof denial.
Memory lapses are a form of denial. Deceptive
people are more prone to claim memory failure
than truthful people. Verbally, theyre prone to use
words and expressions such
as:
I cant remember,
Really,
Honestly,
To tell the truth,
Frankly,
Truthfully speaking,
To the best of my
knowledge.
They commonly useweighted expressions
such as By the way, and
Incidentally. They use
modifying statements to
try to subtly qualify their
answers: Ordinarily, Most
of the time, Generally,
Basically and Sometimes.
You should also be aware of blocking statements
and bridging statements. An example of a blocking
statement is when a person says something like:
Why would I take the money and then come in to
work today? or If I was having an affair, dont
you think I would hide it better?
A bridging statement is something like I had
just opened the store when the next thing I knew
...Why
would I takethe money
and then
come in towork today?
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some guy ran in and held me up. These types
of statements are obviously meant to give the
questioner the appearance that the person is being
forthright when, in fact, they are often indicators of
deception.
Of course, it is important that you rst establish
what words, phrases and speech patterns are normal
for the person in question. You always want to look
for things which fall outside of that baseline.
When someone is in a bargaining state of stress-
response, the tendency is for them to make religious
statements such as, I swear to God, or personal
moral statements like, Im a law-abiding citizen.
I dont even have a trafc ticket. They also are
often overly courteous and may resort to name
dropping or trying to intimidate you by impressingupon you how important they are. Complaining
may also be a noticeable trait with a person in a
bargaining state, and it is typically used as a means
of interrupting the focus of the exchange.
The last possible stress-response state is one of
acceptance and the verbal clues to it are quite
obvious. The person will usually make either a
buy-out statement such as Id be willing to do
this if you just ..., a fantasy-reality statement like
I dont remember, but if you say so or they willmake some kind of an inquiry as to the nature of
the punishment for the offense. When someone
demonstrates an acceptance stress-response state,
they are admitting to the deception they are accused
or suspected of. Its important when you recognize
this condition to let them do most of the talking and
become a good listener.
In addition to verbal clues, which are related to
the ve stress-response-states, you should also be
aware that there are some general verbal evasions,
which have been shown to be strong indicators
that someone is lying, regardless of their stress-
response-state. These include statements such
as: Thats about it, Thats hard to say, I beg
your pardon, You have no proof of that, Are
you accusing me?, The answer is no, Are you
asking me that?.
Along with these phrases, a deceptive person will
frequently voice objections to the questions asked
or statements made. Also watch to see if they
answer without what would be an appropriate
pause to reect, or if they respond with a question
answer with a rambling dissertation or make a
classic Freudian slip such as, I would always takeyour car before asking instead of I would always
ask before taking your car.
Deceptive people demonstrate more speech
dysfunctions than individuals not under stress
Speech dysfunction occurs because the person is
being hit with relevant questions and does not have
a clear thought line
You should also be aware of a persons grammar.
Listen for passive (as opposed to active) verbal
statements, conditionally phrased verbal statements
and changes in verb tense from past to present.
An active verbal statement is something like
I counted out the register and noticed no
discrepancies. In a passive form, this statement
would be The front register was counted out by
me and no discrepancies were noticed. Using the
passive form, the person is attempting to distance
himself from the action.
Suppose you ask someone, What did you do after
work last night? If they answer with something
like, I would stop by and pick up my mail, go
to the store and then go home, they are giving a
conditionally phrased verbal response. They are
answering in a way that says this is probably what
they normally do, making it conditional.
An example of a change in verb tense is, I was
walking to my car. Its dark. I cant see. Andsuddenly, someone grabbed the bank bag and
ran.
All of these verbal inconsistencies are indications
of possible deception.
Here are ten ways to lie without really lying.
Evasive responses are an easy way to not deal
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with the truth without actually fabricating false
information, which can be challenged at a later time.
Here are ten examples with a brief explanation.
1. Unnished business: Phrases such as Thats
about it, thats about the size of it, I guess thats
about all, are an admission that there is more
information concerning the topic which the person
has not divulged.
2. I cant is an admission that information to a
question simply cannot be given.
3. Hypothetically structured phrases: The person
uses conditional verbs like could, would, should,
or ought to preface his response. For example: I
would not say, or, I should not say.
4. Thats a hard question: An admission that theperson does not like the question, or that it is too
painful for him to answer the question.
5. Objection: Like the lawyer who stands up in
court and says Objection, your honor this type
of response is used when a person nds a question
too sensitive. For example, you ask a subject if he
stole $5,000 from the company safe and he answers
with, Im not the kind of person who would do
anything like that.
6. Non-reective denial of knowledge: When
the subject is asked a question, it is normal for
him to pause for reection before answering the
question. Any denial without pause for reection is
an indication the question was anticipated and the
answer rehearsed.
7. Offended Dignity: A subject is asked, Did
you steal the missing computer equipment? He
responds with, I am the manager. How dare you
ask me a question like that? He simply evaded
the question.
8. Answers a question with a question: Do you
know who stole the money from the safe? He says,
How should I know that? How could I know?
How would I know?
9. Rambling Dissertation: The persons verbal
response contains information called for in the
question, in addition the subject supplies much
more information than is necessary to adequately
answer the question.
10. The answer does not relate to the question: For
example, you ask the subject, Did you have a gun
on you when you walked into the store? He replies
I dont even like guns and wouldnt have anything
to do with one. While evasive techniques are not
a guarantee the person is lying, they indicate the
person is under a great deal of stress. That leads to
the question of why do they feel so much stress in
answering questions if they have nothing to hide
and the answers will not get them into trouble.
Another important verbal clue to be aware of is the
quality of the voice.
The voice reects the emotional state as well as
Rambling Dissertation: The persons verbal response containsinormation called or in the question, in addition to the subject
supplies much more inormation than is necessary to adequately
answer the question.
the strength and depth of the emotion on both
an audible and a subconscious level. Again, the
watchword here is deviation from what is the norm
for the person in question.
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Does their voice always shake when they get
emotional? Are they naturally a nervous type
person? Does their voice sound strained and tight
or relaxed? Does the pitch of the voice change
when asked about a particular subject?
The accepted school of thought is that voice
quality characteristics should not be considered as
indicators of deception however, they are important
elements in the overall picture you are trying to
create about a person you suspect may be lying to
you.
In assessing your verbal
clues, be aware that there
are some things which
may cause you to misread
what you are hearing.In the terminology of
interrogation, these are
referred to as interview
contaminants. They are
such things as: Hearing
problems, outside
distractions, a non-native
English speaker, a language
dysfunction, the persons
mental state (sanity), the
wording of the questions
and your manner toward the
other person.
One reason that most liars
get caught is that to be a
good liar you must have
a fabulous memory. And
the more complicated the
lie the more difcult it is
to remember. Investigatorsknow this well. So when theyre interviewing
or interrogating a subject, they begin by asking
the person to tell them in their own words what
happened or what they know about a situation.
Most lies go in a straight line. So, in questioning
someone, after youve let them tell their story,
you go to the end and start working backwards as
you ask questions. When a person memorized a
lie its very difcult to begin reversing the order
of the story. You can skip to the middle of the
story, go to the beginning, then to the end and then
back to the middle of the story. Only a liar with a
photographic memory can likely handle that kind
of pressure. Watch for signs of stress under thiskind of questioning.
Non-verbal Clues
Non-verbal clues consist o
signals commonly referred to
as body language. Because
they are observable physica
actions, there is often more
curiosity about them than
there is for verbal clues.
It has been estimated that
approximately 65% of what
humans communicate is done
so through body language
with the remaining 7% being
verbal, 12% voice quality and
16% miscellaneous signals
such as chemical changes
odors and other subtleties.
This analysis is easily
explained by the fact that
people are better able t
control their verbal signals
than they are the non-verba
ones. Therefore, they
generate a lot more body
language clues than verba
ones. Much of the body
language clues are generated
subconsciously. When a person is in a stress-
producing situation, they are experiencing emotions
and emotions are virtually impossible to repress
They may be able to carefully measure their words
and statements, but signs of their stress will come
to the surface in the form of body language.
However, while body language clues are plentifu
and visually evident, they do not have the same
only a
liar with aphotographic
memory can
likely handlethat kind of
pressure.
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value individually as verbal clues do. That is
why body language is best considered a method
of conrmation of the signals being generated
verbally. You should look at them in this context.
Listen to what the verbal clues are telling you in
conjunction with the physical actions you are able
to visually observe.
As with verbal clues, you want to know what the
persons baseline of behavior is before considering
what his body language means. You nd this out
by either being well acquainted with the person
or by engaging them in comfortable, general
conversation before touching on the subject you
want to measure for truth.
In addition to being able to spot deviations from
the persons normal behavior, you also need toconsider the timing of the body language clues.
The gestures should t the speech. Anything thats
out of sync is an indication that the person is feeling
stress about whatever they are talking about.
Watch how a person sits in their chair.
When possible, before interviewing a person, its a
good idea to arrange two chairs in such a way that
the chairs are facing each other and about three to
four feet apart. Invite the subject to have a seat.
The truthful person will, without hesitation, sit down
in the chair offered to him. The guilty person will
walk to their chair and, if possible, move it. They
will likely move the chair away from you. This
helps reduce some of the stress he feels. Second,
they will change the alignment of the chairs so they
no longer face you directly. If the chair cannot be
moved easily, the subject will sit facing off the
right or left.
Again, these actions help relieve stress by allowing
the subject to turn away from you when the
questioning gets too stressful.
Posture is important. The truthful person tends to
exhibit good posture during an interview.
It has been ingrained in us by our parents who
kept telling us to sit straight, look them in the
eye and always tell the truth. The truthful person
automatically (subconsciously) sits in an upright
position with their shoulders squared and paralle
to the shoulders of the interviewer. They are
relaxed and keep their arms loose and away from
the body.
Imagine a small cone starting at the subjects
waist and moving up to encompass his shoulders
The truthful person generally will stay within this
imaginary cone.
The untruthful person is uncomfortable and fears
detection. He will often attempt to take a defensive
posture that makes him feel more comfortable and
conceals vulnerable parts of the body. Keep in mind
that the subconscious mind reacts the same way to
threats, whether they are physical or psychologicalThe same ght or ight reaction occurs under stress
and much the same physical responses occur.
When a person is threatened the abdominal region
tends to tense up. The untruthful person tends to
position his shoulders in a way that minimizes his
exposure, much in the same way he would prepare
to defend against a physical assault.
The untruthful person often assumes a slumping
position, extending their feet and legs toward theinterviewer. The goal is to put a greater distance and
obstacles between themselves and the interviewer.
The guilty person is prone to perspire excessively
particularly in the area of the trunk of the body
He may also show signs of signicant changes in
respiration. Most people breathe between eighteen
and twenty-two cycles per minute. About one third
of the time the guilty person increases respiration
rapidly, almost taking on a panting, labored look.
More commonly, the guilty persons respiration
pattern tends to slow and become shallow o
irregular. Taking a deep breathe periodically during
the course of the interview may highlight such
irregularity.
The main thing is to watch the subjects breathing
pattern to look for changes throughout the interview
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Changes in the pattern will coincide with high
stress.
There are four areas of the body which are
considered the primary gauges for reading body
language clues. You can remember them by the
word HEAL: Head, Eyes, Arms and Legs.
HEAD
The rst thing to try and discern from a persons
head movement is whether or not they are listening
to you. If they tilt their head slightly it probably
means they are listening to you. If they dont tilt or
change the angle of their head, it may indicate that
Other things to observe about a persons head
include their facial color. The face and sides of
the neck may turn white when someone is being
deceptive. The condition is obviously caused by
a draining of blood from the head. A red face
may also indicate stress and deception. However
it can also be the result of honest uneasiness orembarrassment over the whole situation.
Facial expressions can be telling of anger, by a
cold, hard stare, or suppression with the display
of a stone face. Any type of facial tic or twitch
indicates stress. Just be sure that it is not part of the
persons normal condition.
It is a little-known fact but the nose is the most
stress-sensitive body part. Itching, touching
pinching - all are indications of stress.
Everyone touches parts of their head to varying
degrees, but generally, people who are being
deceptive tend to have more touches to their head
than those who are being truthful.
When observing a persons mouth be aware of
false smiles. While they are hard to describe, we
all know one when we see it.
Yawning may be a sign of stress as it can be the
result of a lack of oxygen in the blood and an
increased metabolic rate. It can also signal fatigue
drowsiness or boredom. When yawning is being
used deceptively, it will appear regularly during the
conversation and seem excessive. In this case it is
probably being used as a stalling technique.
You should also be conscious of gulping or frequent
swallowing or a dry mouth or lips. The latter can
often be observed audibly by sounds the person
makes while speaking. White substance at thecorners of the mouth and biting lips are also signs
of stress.
Any obstruction of speech, physical or symbolic
is a sign of stress and possible deception. These
include a hand or ngers over the mouth and
chewing or biting objects. If a persons physica
expressions are limited to the mouth area, it may
It is a little-known act but the nose is the most stress-sensi-
tive body part. Itching, touching, pinching- all are indications o
stress.
they are either not interested or angry.
Either condition is going to make having a productivecommunication with them more difcult.
If the persons head sinks to their chest, it may
mean that they are either in the emotional state
of depression or acceptance. When the head is
down but the eyes are up, it is most likely a sign
of anger.
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be a sign that they are consciously trying to control
their other bodily movements so as not to give
themselves away.
EYES
The level of eye contact a person engages in will
vary.
Such factors as culture, age and personality
(introvert / extrovert)
all affect this area of a
persons body language.
Again, determine what the
persons normal pattern of
eye contact is and then look
for changes from that.
Any break in the normallevel of eye contact, and
which comes well timed
with the subject matter of
the conversation, is a sign
of stress.
Extended eye contact can
either mean the person
is angry or theyre ready
to bargain. Eyes rolling
back or dropping can mean
acceptance or confession.
Other signs of stress are
constricted pupils and too
much white of the eyes
showing. Blinking tends
to increase with stress and
no blinking indicates the
person is having an internal
conversation with himself.
When the eyebrows form a V-shape, it is likely the
person is angry. If they are raised and the persons
mouth is open, they are probably shocked. If only
one eyebrow is raised, they are skeptical of what
you are saying. A furrowed brow, pulling toward
each other over the bridge of the nose, is indicative
of pain or depression.
Neurolinguistics: Heres an interesting experiment
you can try that will prove the importance of
studying eye movements.
Ask someone you know to answer the following
questions:
1. What was the color of the rst car you everpurchased?
2. What would the offspring
of an elephant and zebra look
like?
3. Who was the rst person
to spoke to you after you left
home this morning?
4. What was the rst thing
that person said to you this
morning?
5. How would it feel to sit in
a tub of warm Jell-O?
In response to the rst
question, he probably looked
up to the left, recalling the
color of that rst car he
bought. This response would
be typical for approximately
90% of the population. In
most instances, when we
recall something visually
that we have actually
experienced, the eyes go up
and to the left.
When we are recalling
something we heard, the eyes
move to the left and straight across.
In cases where we are creating visually, the eyes
will move up and to the right. So in answering
the question about the elephant and zebra, the eyes
should move up and to the right. The same eye
movement occurs when we are trying to create a
sound in our mind.
In answering question 5, if they have sat in a tub
In most
instances,
when we recallsomething
visually that we
have actually
experienced, theeyes go up and
to the left
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of warm Jell-O, their eyes will move down and to
the left. For those of us who have never had the
pleasure of sitting in Jell-O, we have to create that
feeling. That means our eyes will move down and
to the right.
Just remember it this way. If we are remembering
something we saw, heard or felt, our eyes move to
the left: up for what we saw, straight for things weve
heard and down for those things weve touched or
felt. If we are trying to create the answer, our eyes
move to the right: up for something we say we saw,
straight for things we say we heard, and down for
things we say we have felt or touched.
Keep this in mind. A left-handed person is likely to
have eye movements that go in reverse to what we
have described above. Thats why its importantto observe an individual while they are relaxed and
not under any stress and study the movement of
their eyes.
ARMS
When talking about the body language of the
arms, we are talking about both the arms and the
shoulders. The rst thing to look for is how the
persons shoulders are positioned. A person who is
attempting to deceive you generally will not want toface you squarely. Consequently, one shoulder will
be uneven or turned away from you, many times
toward a door or window. Such a position not only
indicates deception but also uncooperativeness.
A shrug can mean they dont know or dont care.
However, if its eeting or partial, the person may
be feigning casualness, which is a sign of deception.
Shoulders that are dropped or rolled forward may
indicate depression, or that the person is ready to
confess. If they are too rigid and straight, with astiff back and neck, they are most likely showing
deance.
Elbows, which are held loosely away from the
body, are a sign of being relaxed. Held tight and
close, they are a sign of defensiveness.
Arms held close to the body but not outstretched are
interpreted as holding something in. Crossed arms
are generally interpreted as a more pronounced
degree of trying to distance himself from the other
person. When a persons arms are crossed with
their sts clenched underneath, they are displaying
anger. The higher crossed arms are held, the greater
the degree of deance. When a person hugs himselftightly, they are showing signs of depression. Note
that a person may also cross their arms for a variety
of perfectly legitimate reasons. They may be cold
have lower back problems or be very shy. Crossing
the arms while displaying the thumbs is a sign of
arrogance.
People will tend to move or use their hands more in
times of stress. Studies have shown an interesting
correlation between verbal skills and the use of
hands in conversation. Those at the high and lowend of the verbal skill spectrum tend to use their
hands more.
You should also be aware of the person touching
himself during the exchange. As stated earlier, the
number of head and face touches tend to be higher
than normal for people who are trying to deceive
Steepling the hands - resting the hands out in
front and lightly touching the ngertips together
- is a sign that the person is trying to establish
superiority. Touching the person theyre talking to
is interpreted as a sign that they are trying to either
bond or dominate the person questioning them.
LEGS
Crossed legs, like crossed arms, are generally seen
as an attempt to put a barrier between themselves
and you. Likewise, a person attempting to deceive
you will often turn so that their legs are actually
sideways to you.
There are also several classic sitting positions the
deceitful will use. Leaning forward with both
elbows resting on the thighs and the hands clasped
in front is referred to as the liars lean. The
jailbird seat is also leaning forward, but without
the elbows all the way down on the knees.
These are the basics of body language as they relate
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to the movement and position of specic body
parts. In reality, it is more reliable as a verication
of the persons comfort level with what they are
telling you versus being determining factors by
themselves.
To get the most from reading a persons bodylanguage, look at the big picture. Look for timing
that is off between gestures and words, mechanical,
unnatural movements and gestures that dont match
the verbal message.
A person attempting to deceive will always seek
to put distance between themselves and the other
person, even if in the most subtle of ways. They
will slouch, turn their body or head away from you
and have little or no physical contact with you.
You can often induce stress and observe the persons
reaction by intentionally moving closer to them,
facing them squarely and eliminating any barriers
between themselves and you.
For all physical or non-verbal clues, always look
for a persons Initial Reaction Expression (IRE)
- that is a true expression that comes forth before
they are able to mask it. It may only exist for a split
second, but with careful observation, it can often
be detected.
Getting to the truth.
If you suspect that someone is lying to you, or you
want to nd out the truth about some action ordeed that has taken place, you are going to have to
interact with the people involved.
At the risk of over-simplifying this process, one
thing to keep in mind is that guilty people will
usually become defensive and innocent people will
go on the offensive. However, you may get no
further than these defensive or offensive modes if
you make the situation confrontational too soon.
It is usually best to employ a strategy for being ableto verify in your own mind the guilt or innocence
of someone. There are many ways to do this. The
important thing to remember about all of them is
that the goal is to extract information.
Dont accuse - allude.
One strategy is to allude to the question you want
to ask. Look to see if the person starts adding more
information than you asked for. Or you can frame
the question as a problem youve heard of, using athird-party as the culprit.
You will generally be able to observe discomfort
in the verbal and non-verbal clues of a guilty
person whereas and innocent person will gladly
offer advice and be glad his opinion was sought
An innocent person will be unafraid to discuss the
matter. A guilty person will seek to change the
subject.
Sometimes questions work best. If you are goingto ask a direct question, give no advance warning
and never reveal what you know rst. Be aware o
how you present yourself when you do this.
One tactic is to try to gain the other persons trust
by matching their posture, speech and even thei
key words.
Once the other person starts to give you an answer
An innocent person will be unaraid to discuss the matter. A
guilty person will seek to change the subject.
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never interrupt them. In fact, silence can sometimes
be a powerful tool. A guilty person is less likely
to be comfortable with it and will tend to verbally
ramble.
Another technique is to ask a leading question.
Ask it in a way that makes the person think thatwhat you suspect is OK or that youve always
known about it. This requires a conversational
casualness on your part. Make them feel like they
are actually the good guys when they admit to it. In
other words, give the liar an incentive to confess.
Why not avoid the lie in the rst place?
How? Word the question in such a way as to
encourage the interviewee to tell the truth and avoid
lying, which will only make the problem worse.Heres a great example of helping the subject avoid
lying.
A parent suspects her 13-year old son is smoking
cigarettes. Now she can ask her son one of these
questions. You decide which one is more likely to
get a truthful answer.
Question 1: Have you been smoking cigarettes? I
am going to kill you if I nd out you have! In this
question the mother links confessing to the truthwith punishment. She offers no incentive for him
to tell the truth. She is likely to be lied to.
Question 2: Youve been smoking, havent you? A
better approach, but unless her son thinks she have
evidence to prove it, he is still likely to lie.
Question 3: Are you going to tell me when you
started smoking? This is an assumption question.
The son knows that his mother knows he is smoking.
He may be willing to talk about it, or refuse to talkabout it. In which case, you have your answer.
Question 4: I know all about your smoking and the
sneaking around that you have been doing. You
know I am not happy about that, but I just want you
to promise me that you wont drink alcohol until
you are 21-years old. Will you promise me that?
This is an assumptive question I know all about
your smoking. It adds truth and sincerity, no
happy about your sneaking around. And it gives
her son an easy way out. All he has to do is promise
not to drink alcohol and he gets a free ride. There
is no threat of punishment if he tells the truth. This
is an offer to tell the truth that he simply cant
refuse.
The outrageous accusation.
In some cases you may want to try using an overkil
strategy. Accuse them of everything - even more
than what youre really trying to nd out about
While doing this you can use statements like, If
you had just done this it would be one thing, but I
cant believe you did THIS!
Once again, youre making them feel like a better
person by admitting to only the one thing and not all
youve accused them of. Other approaches include
exchanging condences with the person. You tel
them that youve done something seemingly worse
and put them in the mode of Ill tell you mine i
you tell me yours.
You can also show the focus of your concern is on
the intent, not the deed - I understand, it was a dire
situation and you couldnt help yourself. Weve
all been there. Or you can try to approach themas a co-conspirator. This is the Let me in on the
action scenario. And you can offer the incentive o
absolution. By telling them things can be cleared
up now, that it can be worked out or even that you
blame yourself, but if we can clear this up things
will be even better between us.
There are numerous other creative approaches to
getting to the truth. The key to making any of them
work is your approach and consistency in pursuing
them.
In the nal analysis, the truthful person generally
is calm, relaxed and cooperative when being
questioned about a problem or crisis situation. He
is sincere in both word and action. His smile looks
genuine because he is sincere. The truthful person
is inexible in the story he tells (after all, the truth
is what it is and is not subject to negotiation or
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alteration).
Ask a truthful and innocent person a question and
he gives a direct, no-nonsense answer. He has no
need for evasive, misleading or defensive answers
because he is innocent.
Back to Max
Early in this report, Max was faced with a dilemma.
Was he being lied to? And if so, by whom and how
could he nd out?
Without going into great
detail to describe the words
and actions of each of the
people in Maxs story,
proling their baseline
behavior and examiningMaxs interactions with
each of them, there is no
way you can tell from the
way the story was told
who was lying. So here
are the answers: Lisa, the
sales rep was lying. So
was the sales clerk in the
electronics store. His wife,
Jennie, was telling thetruth. Now that we know
this, lets look at how Max
could have found these
things out for himself.
With Lisa, Max could try
to be friendly, congratulate
her on her success and
innocently ask her some
detailed information such
as who was her contact at the printing company.He could then try to verify not only her contact, but
how long she had been calling on them through his
contact at the same company.
Another approach would be to volunteer his help
to Lisa. He could give her the records of his sales
calls to the company and offer to help her on the
account.
In either case, if Lisa is not telling the truth, shes
going to be evasive and want to keep Max as far
away from the account as possible. For his part
Max should persist in trying to get at the truth
because to let Lisa have the account when, by rights
it should be his, is going have a signicant negative
impact on him.
Max should trust his instincts when it comes to
the sales clerk. His impression was that the guy
was blowing him off. So
instead of believing him and
waiting to get a call from
the store, he should just go
nd the item somewhere
else. This is an example of a
fairly insignicant lie, but if
Max goes along with it, he iswasting time and energy he
doesnt need to waste.
The situation with Maxs
wife is more serious. The
fact that he has suspicions
when she is telling the truth
can be as damaging as if she
were lying. It can affec
his behavior toward her
and seriously damage their
marriage.
If he wants to know about his
wifes lunch with her friend
Linda, he should ask her
about it, expressing a genuine
interest in hearing all about
it. He should ask for details
where did they go? What did
she eat? He should also ask about Linda. Whatsshe been up to? What did they talk about? If he
does all this in a non-threatening, non-accusatory
manner, his wife will appreciate the interest. Most
importantly, Max knows his wife well. He knows
what her baseline behavior is. And while theyre
having their conversation, he better than anyone
will be able to observe her behavior, if he remains
objective.
The fact
that he has
suspicions,when she is
telling the
truth, can be
as damaging
as if she were
lying.
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Parting thoughts.
There is no 100% accurate, foolproof, and reliable
system, method or technique in existence for
determining truth or deception. We are dealing
with human behavior, and weve all seen strange,
irrational and exception to the rule idiosyncrasies.
Just when we think we have it neatly pinned down,
along comes someone who does not t our model
of expectations.
Remember, although there are fundamental,
recognizable and identiable differences in the
ways most deceptive people talk and behave, this
does not mean that all possible liars will behave
the same way, or that all truthful people will do the
same.
Because lying is intended to deceive, it lends itself
to innumerable disguises. One important, although,
neglected way of unmasking a liar may be self-
observation that is, diverting your attention back
to yourself. Watch and make note of your own
actions and reactions when youre not telling the
truth: How are you feeling? What are you thinking?
What kinds of verbal and/or non-verbal clues are
you exhibiting? Play-act a role; pretend you are
the fabricator, and then use your own experience to
detect lies and lying in others.
Sometimes it does take one to know one!
Play-act a role; pretend you are the abricator, and then use you
own experience to detect lies and lying in others.