LG Williams: Keynote Speech At The Inaugural International Art Party Convention In Paris 2010

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LG Williams: Keynote Speech At The InauguralInternational Art Party Convention In Paris 2010

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American Art Rhetoric | April 24, 2010 | LG Williams

Paris, April 24, 2010— I am so proudto fucking be an American Fartist!

Thank you so much for fucking beingnowhere tonight! Please have a drink onme! (Throws plastic cup filled with beerinto crowd.)

Crowd: Beer-yah! Beer-yah! Beer-yah!Beer-yah! Beer-yah! Beer-yah! Beer-yah! Beer-yah! Beer-yah! Beer-yah!

Do you love your art?! I am for fuckinggetting wild!

If you love your art, think of fart. I amfor fucking getting wild!


Any of you here as a cross dresser, pastor present, raise your hand and say Beer-yah!


Now I am going to fucking thank you for allyour fucking fart purchases at my website.God (who’s got the chronic!?) bless you!We salute you! You honor you. Thank youMark Twain! I am for fucking getting wild!

I am so proud to fucking be an AmericanFartist. I am for getting wild. Thank you.Gosh, thank you.

Crowd: Beer-yah! Beer-yah! Beer-yah!

Beer-yah! Beer-yah! Beer-yah! Beer-yah!Beer-yah! Beer-yah! Beer-yah!

Happy birthday, Ronald Reagan! Happybirthday Fredrico Fellini! Happy birthdayMara McCarthy and Lisa Spellman! Pleasecall me asap! My number is 415-937-1306. I’ve got another great idea for anexhibition!!!! I am for fucking getting wild!

Dude, I am all for fucking getting caught

putting sand in the Vaseline!

Well, a special warm hello to fuckingArtforum readers. You may not be welcomein art, but you have an invitation to fuckingthis Art Party. I am for fucking getting wild!

Very good to fucking be here in Paris, thegrey city with great food. It's the home of





(put any fucking word here). Whenyou’re 0-for-69, you’d better stoplecturing and start farting for USC,FIGHT ON! I am for fucking!

The only place that the fucking ArtWorld hasn’t placed the fucking blame ison their fagenda. So, some advice forfucking our fagenda friends on that sideof the fucking gallery: That’s where yougot to fucking look because that’s whatgot you into this mess -- the fucking badart conspirator agenda. It’s going tofucking leave us less secure, more indebt, and more under the fucking thumbof big fart world. And that is out of

touch, and it’s out of date. And if (putany fucking name here) is anyindication, it’s running out of time. I amfor fucking getting wild!

Because from Texas to fucking NewJersey to fucking stupid fucking SanDiego, artists are sending a message upand down and up and down and up anddown and up and down and up and downand up and down and up and down andup and down and up and down and upand down and up and down and up anddown and up and down and up and downand up and down and up and down andup and down and up and down and upand down and up and down and up anddown and up and down and up and downand up and down and up and down andup and down and up and down and upand down and up and down and up anddown (I hope that was good for you) thefucking North-South-East-West Coast (Iwould go round and round again but Iam pretty fucking dizzy from the lastsession) and in good places like Nevadaand Connecticut and Colorado,Michigan, North Dakota, they've got thefucking Avant Garde -- thatestablishment -- running scared.Imagine that!

The fucking bottom line is this_______________________. Additionally,it’s been a year now so FART! Somebodybesides myself owns this show now but meand The New American Fartists are going to

fucking hold them fucking accountable.Because out here in the fucking fart galleriesand in the fucking fart museums across thisgreat country, we know that we’ve got somebig problems to fucking solve like my latestpoems:

I just heardHarold BloomReading Wallace Stevens:I almost fucking barfed.

Or

I just readRoberta SmithOn the future of painting:I almost fucking barfed.

Or

LikeWhen am IGoing to get paidFor my fart?

Dude, we’ve gotten tired now of -- of looking backward while farting! Thatfucking sucks! We want to fucking look forward and fart. Its time to look forwardand fart! I said:

Its time to look forward and fart!




And from here, my friends, the fucking --the fucking future of fart -- it looks reallyfucking good. It looks really fucking good



because if there’s hope in Hell, there’shope everywhere. I am for fuckinggetting wild!

Fart’s victory is at hand -- it’s fucking

exciting, it’s a fucking exciting time tofart and it’s a sign of more good thingsto fucking come. Something and a lot of great common sense farts, I’m going tofucking put it all on the fucking line in2010 or this line right now_______________________.

This year, there are going to fucking besome tough (put any fucking word here)farts. And I think that’s good.

Write me a check!

Conspirators in the art world areeverywhere!

Conspirators make shit! Fuck shit!

Conspirators make us work harder andbe more efficient and produce more fart!

I hope you’ll get out there and fart!

Work hard for fucking!

Work hard for fucking the fuckingfartists who reflect your values, yourpriorities -- because despite what thefucking critics want you to fuckingthink, contested (put any fucking word

here) aren’t civil farts. That’s democracy atfart, and that’s beautiful. I am for fuckinggetting wild!

I was the fucking product of a competitive

(put any fucking word here), farting forfucking art, I faced five fartists in the fartparty just last week, and we put our ideasand our experience out there on the fuckingtable for fart, and then we almost farted, butnot quite, of course, then fucking criticsfucking decide.

Fuck that, said Lolita, that is an unhealthyprocess, but it gives billions of Americans a job and the fucking kind of leadership that

they want and deserve: fucking stupid. Andso in 2010, I tip my hat to fucking anyonewith the fucking courage to fucking throwtheir fart in the air, and may the fucking bestideas and fartists’ win. I am for fuckinggetting wild!

From the fucking bottom of my fart, I thank you for fucking being part of the fucking fartsolution. God bless you, Art Partiers andGod (who’s got the fucking chronic!?) blessthe fucking USA fart market. I am forfucking getting wild!

Thank you. God bless you guys. Get fuckingwild!

# # # # #

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LG Williams: Keynote Speech At The Inaugural International Art Party Convention In Paris 2010