Lewes News No. 4

7/31/2019 Lewes News No. 4

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THE LEWES NEWS

Sexy Lewesians up for MayorThe next mayoral election showcases a candidate choosing of

several handsome men.

Following Noodles decision

not to run for re-election,

four willing and able men for

what seems to be a battle ofhotness to attract the largemajority of female voters.

Created1, known for his

experience on and off duty,

boasts mesmerising blue eyes

that will be sure to leave allof Sussex swooning.

Oliver Westcott, already

featured in the last issue for

his dashing good looks. He is

the epitome of seduction: tall,

dark and handsome.

Dawoodia with sleek black

hair appeals to the town in

his loveable youth and a

baby-face that entices all tokiss his cheeks.

Tempezt is the bad boy,

wild and unpredictable andall the danger is exciting!

A certain hunter, who shall not be named *cough*

Hunter Bucks *cough*, was seen to possess bad

grooming skills when removing his boot for toes

inspection. The pungent smell that permeated from

said overgrown nails seemed to scare all living life

from the taverns, but the hardy men of Voyad andOliver Westcott withstood the stink-bomb attack.

Nonetheless it has given rise to town hygiene alerts

so that men should learn the importance of filing

ones feet upon the rocks in the river. Word of a

grooming spa business was tossed around to resolve

the issue of claw-like nails and hairy backs. At least

the growing problem of Lewes hygiene isnt as badas the poo-flying apparent in politics.

Hygiene issues make a BIG STINK in the town

Issue IV, 24 June 1460

Announcements

Congratulations to Josehf and Samuelfor attaining level 1! A heartfeltwelcome to Grundal and Umberleefor recently moving to Lewes!

Kind citizens, do your part and mailnewcomers with a simple Hello andhow are you? found by scrollingdown in the TH List. Simple gestures

go a long way!

Wolfen MacClarens HUNTINGEXTRAVANGZA has begun withHoney leading the charge with a stag

capture of 125 kg. No foxes have beencaught thus far, but Noodle hascaught the most rabbits with a totalnumber of four. Plenty of ale for all towatch the festivities! It is not too lateto JOIN NOW. Anyone can win, ifyou just try. Most importantly, wewant you to have fun! See you there!

Editor: Hunter The Waggling Tongue Bucks10 Eastgate Street, Lewes, Sussex

Please contact if you have news or desire an ad!

Mayoral candidate Tempezt has beencharged with traitorousness andpublic disorder for having revoltedagainst the Town Hall three timesalready. He seems possessed by ademonic spirit that compels him tobuy unlimited rounds of ale in thetavern. Jah have mercy on his soul.


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Lady Shirinova's emotional outburstinvolved her frustrations withHastings having to provide the loadof their fodder to the Council andthus lose out on trade profits to fundthe port upgrade.

She expressed her frustrations byaccusing Mayors of being lazy andthe Council as largely inactive anddysfunctional. Many haveresponded in good taste to providesuggestions on how to resolve thefodder issue, and this has led to the

Council's consideration to changetheir buying prices to better providea profit to towns that sell theirgoods.

Although Lady Shiri has sinceapologised for her rant, it was notenough to quell the indignation ofCouncilmember Terryn who foundher words offensive and cutting

Shirinova arouses hot dirty mudslinging

Despite the

absence of

madman

Batty in

town, there

is evidence

to suggest

that a

dragon scale

exists inLewes that is said to have the power to raise people

up from the dead. This zombie apocalypse

coincides with the mysterious occurrence of

Tempezts uncontrollable urges to protest against

Town Hall. Surely this would spell out the end ofthe world.

The current mayoral candidates have not formally

expressed their stance on how they would tackle

Zombie apocalypse and menacing woodchuck threats to security

especially in his commitmentand service to Sussex. Heresponded with vehement

comments alluding to her "bighead" and thus a mudslingingbattle ensued enough so thatLady Shiri threatened withsome undecided sarcasm toquit on the basis that she wasdirt.

Before any more caustic

damage could be inflicted,

discerning animals seemed to

suddenly swoop in and

interrupt the whole fray. What

perhaps should be done in the

future to resolve such issues

might be a proper mud

wrestling in scantily-clad sexy

knickers to relieve everyone ofany tension. Now that's hot.

such a situation, as the protection of said dragon

scale from evil-doers should be a high priority caseto Lewes defence and security.

On another note, townspeople have expressed their

concern over the woodchucks that have seemed to

deplete all of Lewes wood resources and reserves.

It is unclear as to how much wood would a

woodchuck chucks, if a woodchuck could chuck

would. It is Lewes greatest hope that the mayoralcandidates could provide answers to this enigma.

Furthermore, Louis Llewellyn will be embarking

on a voyage to collect more wood for the town. He

NEEDS a crew of six members and invites anyone

who is able to participate in this sea adventure for

the good of Lewes. Please contact Louis_llewellynor Kazzia_llewellyn to go on board!

Then its time for you to visit the

Lewes Market to find all of your

fashion, home-ware, food, and

tools to satisfy your every need!

Enjoy the sights and sounds of

Lewes finest performers. Beware

of the scary man-boars though!

GO NOW:

http://forum.renaissancekingdom

s.com/viewtopic.php?t=2015797


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Welcome students of the arcane arts, Iknow why youre here, I can see it inyour eyes. Ooh, you haven't come totry my famous cheese cake. Then youmust be here for a magical potion orbrew, well then my friend, take a seat

for I will reveal you the recipe to apotion of great power. Just don't drawon the table please theyre expansive.

First you will need some ingredients,you may want to write this down. Firstyou need the blood of a three-hornedcow, two eggs from the royal swansand the bark from a willow tree.Now take note it's important that youuse royal swan eggs as any old eggswon't do and don't kill the cow. If youdo the blood will be useless.

Now take the eggs and separate theyolk from the shell, place the shell in abowl and crush into a fine powder, dowhat you wish with the yolks I suggestomelettes. Now add to this powder asmall amount to create a paste. Allowthis to dry for a few days and thencrush into a powder. Dust this powderover a piece of willow bark and

ignited, collect the ashes and dilutewith water.

And there you have it!!!

very own Chicken Repellent!!

Wizards workshop

By voyadTempezt is currently volatilein his state of uncontrollablerevolts and an excessive

amount of ale spending.Young Dawoodia expressedhis candidacy was a mistake.Following the long andappreciated service of MayorNoodle, these fresh andexciting elections focus onthe two most compellingcandidates: Created1 andOliver Westcott.

Their serious determinationto win their mayoralcampaigns is shown withboth candidates opening upa forum for the public to askquestions. So far they havecovered a range of topicsfrom defence, to market andport policies, and ideas fortrade. Both can utilize theirrange of contacts to procuregreat trade deals for Lewes,

and also express their desireto work with existing townleaders such asHarbourmaster Selene andTown Commander Zane.

Created appeals to fellowLewesians by highlightinghis father's legacy toEngland. It is clear Createdpossesses a vast array ofknowledge concerning

England. He is confident thisknowledge will be translatedinto a successfuladministration able to workwithin Lewes, and withother towns and counties.He attests to his edge overall other candidates, is hisexperience.

Oliver has addressed issuesconcerning his experience, inhis mayor forum saying that

he is available to sit and talkwith anyone who doubts hehas the chops to become thenext mayor. He focuses onfurther developing the fishingindustry, offering cheap boatsto collect more fish for trade.He has also highlighted hisstrengths, as beinghardworking, available, andself-sacrificing in terms ofmailing new citizens and

offering his bread productscheaply. While these areadmirable traits, it is tenablethat Created possesses thesame kind of loyalty to thetown.

Certainly, both candidates areadmirable and honourablemen who have not utilizedthis time for elections topartake in politicalmudslinging. They bothexhibit a great concern for thetown so that Lewes willsurely be in good hands, nomatter which candidateemerges the victor. Citizensare encouraged to examineand consider both candidatesand their policies beforemaking a decision for voting.

Created's campaign is found:http://forum.renaissancekingdoms.com/viewtopic.php?t=2015229

Oliver's campaign is found:http://forum.renaissancekingdoms.com/viewtopic.php?t=2016583

Mayor elections now open for voting!

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Lewes News No. 4