Lesson 3Writing Strong Sentences

Revising

Objectives:

1. To identify and correct wordiness

2. To identify and combine choppy; rambling sentences

3. To identify and correct tired images

1. Eliminating Wordiness

Empty Expressions:On account of Due to the fact that

What I want is The reason that

In my opinion The reason/fact is that

It seems as if There is/are/was/were

It is/was What I’m trying to say is

Because of the fact that I believe/feel/think/that

wordy Despite the fact that there has been a drought in the food bowl of the Great Plains, most crops are surviving.

concise

wordy Despite the fact that there has been a drought in the food bowl of the Great Plains, most crops are surviving.

concise Despite the drought in the food bowl of the Great Plains, most crops are surviving.

wordy In my opinion the high-fashion clothes advertised in most magazines are like costumes.

concise

wordy In my opinion the high-fashion clothes advertised in most magazines are like costumes.

concise The high-fashion clothes advertised in most magazines are like costumes.

wordy What I’m trying to say is that little lies lead to big lies.

concise

wordy What I’m trying to say is that little lies lead to big lies.

concise Little lies lead to big lies.

2. Combining Sentences

• Combine short, choppy sentences into longer ones

**Do not use CONJUNCTIONS (and, but, or, etc.)**

Short, choppy sentence

The Blue Angels perform spectacular stunts. They are part of the U.S. Navy. The perform aviation stunts at air shows. The shows are held around the world.

Combined sentence

Short, choppy sentence

The Blue Angels perform spectacular stunts. They are part of the U.S. Navy. The perform aviation stunts at air shows. The shows are held around the world.

Combined sentence

The Blue angels of the U.S. Navy perform spectacular aviation stunts at air shows around the world.

Short, choppy sentence

Blue Angel pilots must have at least 1,500 hours of flying time. They are some of the best trained pilots.

Combined sentence

**Add information to the subject (appositive phrase)**

Short, choppy sentence

Blue Angel pilots must have at least 1,500 hours of flying time. They are some of the best trained pilots.

Combined sentence

Blue Angel pilots, some of the best-trained pilots, must have at least 1,500 hours of flying time.

Short, choppy sentence

The Blue angel pilots usually please the audience the most. They bring the show to a thrilling finish.

Combined sentence

**Do not start the sentence with the subject**

Short, choppy sentence

The Blue angel pilots usually please the audience the most. They bring the show to a thrilling finish.

Combined sentence

Bringing the show to a thrilling finish, the Blue Angels usually please the audience the most.

Coordinating SentencesWhen two sentences are of equal importance, bring them together with one of the following:

To Show Similarity To Show Contrast To Show Result

and but so

both/ and yet thusnot only/ but also or, nor hence

besides however therefore

indeed instead consequently

furthermore still accordingly

moreover nevertheless as a result

Short, Choppy Sentences

John Adams died on July 4, 1826. Thomas Jefferson died on July 4, 1826.

Combined Sentence

Similarity, Contrast, or Result?

Short, Choppy Sentences

John Adams died on July 4, 1826. Thomas Jefferson died on July 4, 1826.

Combined Sentence

John Adams and Thomas Jefferson died on July 4, 1926

Similarity

Short, Choppy Sentences

Coincidences often intrigue people. Coincidences often frighten people.

Combined Sentence

Similarity, Contrast, or Result?

Short, Choppy Sentences

Coincidences often intrigue people. Coincidences often frighten people.

Combined Sentence

Coincidences often intrigue and frighten people.

Similarity

Short, Choppy Sentences

The number 88 was thought to be unlucky for James II of Scotland. The number 88 was thought to be unlucky for Mary Stuart, Queen of Scots.

Combined Sentence

Similarity, Contrast, or Result?

Short, Choppy Sentences

The number 88 was thought to be unlucky for James II of Scotland. The number 88 was thought to be unlucky for Mary Stuart, Queen of Scots.

Combined Sentence

The number 88 was thought to be unlucky for James II of Scotland and Mary Stuart, Queen of Scots.

Similarity

Short, Choppy Sentences

James II died in battle in 1488. Mary Stuart was beheaded in 1587. She never saw 1588.

Combined Sentence

Similarity, Contrast, or Result?

Short, Choppy Sentences

James II died in battle in 1488. Mary Stuart was beheaded in 1587. She never saw 1588.

Combined Sentence

James II died in battle in 1488, but Mary Stuart was beheaded in 1587, so she never saw 1588.

Contrast & Result

Short, Choppy Sentences

Superstitions are foolish. Superstitions can be interesting though.

Combined Sentence

Similarity, Contrast, or Result

Short, Choppy Sentences

Superstitions are foolish. Superstitions can be interesting though.

Combined Sentence

Superstitions are foolish, but they can be interesting.

Contrast

Short, Choppy Sentences

Superstitious people are fearful. They often see evil omens in everyday events.

Combined Sentence

Similar, Contrast, or Result?

Short, Choppy Sentences

Superstitious people are fearful. They often see evil omens in everyday events.

Combined Sentence

Superstitious people are fearful, consequently they see evil omens in everyday events.

Result

3. Refreshing Tired Images

Cliches--an overused expression or idea.

All things happen for a reason

An apple a day keeps the doctor away

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder

Dirt poor

Keep your head above water

It’s as plain as day