http://www.therealsupermumblog.com/2013/03/how- to- love-yourself/ March 27, 2013

Learn How To Love Yourself

The Real Supermum

“Love yourself or no one else will.” –Unknown

If there is one tag line I use the most ithas to be “You need to learn how tolove yourself f irst”.

I meet so many women who areexperiencing relat ionship problems,many looking for advice others justneeding to get their feelings of f theirchest. I could write my own daily agonyaunt column on all the aspects ofrelat ionships, despite parent ing beingthe main focus on the group I run,relat ionship issues are a commonfeature and not in the good sense.

The common complaints f rom womenare;

He treats me like t rash

He never listens to me or respects me

He does nothing to help around the house or with the kids

He shouts and scares me

He controls me

Why do women put up with this type of behaviour and why have they not kicked these dirtbags to the curb?

The common answers f rom these women are;

But I love him

I can’t cope without him

I need him

I am scared to be a single mum

Nobody else would want me

“But in what way do you learn how to love yourself?” a women will ask me.

Learning how to love yourself is except ionally important for your well-being and happiness. Ifyou are not happy with yourself then you cannot live the life you desire or deserve. Therelat ionship you have with yourself is the most important one you’ll ever have.

Do you ever f ind yourself thinking?

I’m not good enough

I am not beaut iful enough

I am not smart enough

I cannot do that

We are our own worst enemy when it comes to challenging negat ive thoughts. How manyt imes a day do you f ind yourself self -doubt ing something you do? Are you quick to remindyourself how great you really are? Would you treat someone else the way you do yourself?

Women who do not value themselves allow others to abuse their vulnerable nature. I speakwith numerous mothers who are suffering f rom exhaust ion because their partners are doingnothing to help them.

How to make someone listen to you

Be assert ive

Be clear and consistent

Use an authorat ive voice when you voice your opinion

You do deserve to be listened too and respected. If you allow your partner to cont inue treat ingyou in a negat ive way, your relat ionship will become strained. It is common to feel resentmenttowards the partner who does nothing to help you. Why should you have to do everything?

A healthy relat ionship comprises of several qualit ies but two of the most important are that ofmutual respect and compromise.

Start the Day by Saying the Following into a Mirror

I deserve to be treated with love and respect

I have the right to say no

I don’t have to do everything he tells me to

I can make my own decisions

What I have to say is important and my opinion does matter

Lean How to Love Yourself

We all make mistakes; it ’s what makes us human, use your past mistakes as learning curvesand move forward. Forgive yourself for any mistakes you have made and allow the guilt to fade.

Get to know yourself . What do you enjoy doing? What makes you happy and excites you?What dreams do you have for the future? Start taking down notes of what changes you wantto make to your relat ionship and to your life.

When you look at the bigger picture it can seem almost impossible to reach, this is why youshould break it down into lit t le steps. Each step represents a hurdle that stands in the way ofreaching the goal.

Let ’s say the goal is gett ing your partner housetrained and helping with the baby during thenight.

Step 1 – Writ ing down a list of changes you want to see and your expectat ions

Step 2 – Sit t ing down with your partner and showing him your list

Step 3 – Discussing the issue and compromising

Step 4 – Agreeing to the changes

Step 5 – Being fair yet f irm in ensuring he keeping to his word

It saddens me when women say “But he won’t listen to me”. You need to make him listen.Switch of f the TV or the Xbox console and raise your voice slight ly. If he really does not listento a word you say and are so disrespectful then it ’s t ime to revaluate your ent ire relat ionship. Itsure is t ime you taught yourself how to love yourself because once you do; you will clearlysee this man does not deserve you.

“He shouts and scares me if I t ry to talk to him about the way he behaves” is another commoncomplaint . I f ind it dif f icult to explain that this relat ionship is an abusive one. Nobody should livein fear of making someone angry or fear the consequences of voicing an opinion.

A mother living on egg shells and running around af ter someone who claims to love theminfuriates me. This type of relat ionship destroys self -esteem and is emot ionally damaging.

The way you see people is the way you treat them, and the way you treat them is what theybecome. (Johann Wolfgang von Goethe )

A self -assured woman who loves and values herself does not allow others to t reat her badly.This is not about saying you are perfect or unique, this is you taking a stand and saying; I amworthy of love, respect and I deserve to be treat better.

You should not be seeking the approval of others, the only approval you need is your own.

Learning to love yourself will be the greatest lesson you can ever learn.