Learn from our mistakes

Science Essays

J. Altemen

Sci Criterion A: Understand the benefits and limitations science has on our livesSci Criterion B: Use scientific language and appropriate communication tools to communicate effectively

J. Altemen

• Read the excerpt from the student work

• Comparing it to the criteria, what do you think the teacher comment was?

• Click to see the teacher comment

J. Altemen

Criterion A: Benefits

• The most common use for fluorides is in toothpaste, preventing tooth decay . It is also put in water for the same reason (Importance and uses). It is also used for Teflon pans, water proof clothing and helps make detergent.

Teacher comment to student was:• This states a benefit (Level 1-2). To explain it

(Level 5-6) we need to know how fluorides do this.

J. Altemen

Criterion A: Benefits

• One common biological use of chlorine is food preservation. The reason for this is because micro organisms like bacteria, or fungi, cannot survive with too much NaCl. With too much NaCl osmosis happens in a way that hurts the micro organism’s cell because now water is drawn out of the micro organism’s cells.

Teacher comment to student was:Excellent – this is what we mean by EXPLAIN the benefits.

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J. Altemen

Criterion A: Benefits

• Chlorine is also used in many other household appliances including; bleach, computer hardware, plastics, textiles, paper and many more.

Teacher comment to student was:Notice that this is a STATEMENT (level 1-2) To get a higher grade, the task sheet says you must DESCRIBE (level 3-4) or EXPLAIN the science behind (Level 5-6)

J. Altemen

Crit A: Factors need to be DISCUSSED

J. Altemen

Crit A Science must be EXPLAINED

J. Altemen

Crit B: Effective CommunicationWhat the intro should look like

• Halogens are non- metals and are found in group number seventeen on the periodic table. The real name for halogens is “salt-makers”. This is because, every compound that contains a halogen is a salt. Halogens can help us greatly and widely but, they can also be very harmful. I will talk to you about the effects of one particular halogen, chlorine. I will talk about the good and the bad uses and effects of chlorine and from that, base my opinion on if the manufacture of halogens and their compounds should be banned .

Teacher comment to student was: It is good that your intro paragraph clearly states what the whole essay is about. With more experience you will find a way to write this without the phrase “I will talk about..”

J. Altemen

J. Altemen

Crit B Works CitedWorks Cited • "Chlorine ." Periodic Table of Elements. Los Alamos National Laboratory's

Chemistry Division, 15 Dec. 2003. Web. 20 Sept. 2009. < http://periodic.lanl.gov/elements/17.html >.

• "Chlorination of Water." Rev. of Chlorination of drinking water saves lifes.

CFour. N.p., n.d. Web. 20 Sept. 2009. < http://www.cfour.org/pdf/ chlorination.PDF>.<http://74.125.153.132/search?q=cache:FUDw_eNdjIwJ:www.cfour.org/pdf/chlorination.PDF+chlorination+of+drinking+water+saves+lives&cd=1&hl=en&ct=clnk

Problems to avoid1. neither of these two are ‘cited’ in the essay; put them in Bibliography2. Double space3. Indent second line and subsequent lines so it is easy to see the source name4. Match the source identification with what you put in parentheses for the in-text

citation so it is very easy for the reader to find the source in the list

J. Altemen

Crit B: Topic and concluding sentences in each paragraph

J. Altemen

Crit B: Visuals and in-text citation

J. Altemen

Crit B: Visual and in-text citation

J. Altemen

You know what good looks like

www.wordle.netJ. Altemen