Leading Courageously:

Confronting RealityJean Winsand Institute – March 28, 2019

Presented by:

Dr. Sarah Shaw

Principal, Jefferson Elementary School, Mt. Lebanon School District

sshaw@mtlsd.net; 412-344-2167

Dr. Sharon Suritsky

Deputy Superintendent, Upper St. Clair School District

ssuritsky@uscsd.k12.pa.us; 412-833-1600 x2213

Dr. Linda HippertAssistant Professor, Point Park University

lhippert@pointpark.edu ; 412-389-6631

“The first responsibility

of a leader is to define

reality.” (Max DePree, Chairman and CEO)

What does it mean to

“confront reality?”

Sharing the bad news as well as the good

Naming the “elephant in the room”

Addressing the “sacred cows”

Discussing the “undiscussables”

We confront reality by having crucial

conversations!

In Good to Great,

Jim Collins quotes

U.S. Admiral James

Stockdale (Vietnam

prisoner of war – 8

years)

“You must never confuse

faith that you will prevail

in the end (which you can

never afford to lose) with

the discipline to confront

the most brutal facts of

your current reality,

whatever they might be.”

Result = Solve problems and build

relationships

A discussion between 2 or more people where:

Stakes are high

Opinions vary

Emotions run strong

“Crucial Conversation”

What is the of

“confronting reality?”

Ignoring it

Acting as though it doesn’t exist

Burying your head in the sand, thinking it will go

away

The is to act as though you’re

confronting reality when you’re actually evading it. You

focus on busywork while skirting the real issues.

No Crucial Conversations = No

Reality!

So why don’t people

confront reality?”

Desire to be popular or liked

Belief that it needs to be left to someone else to

create distance from what’s going on in order to

maintain credibility and trust

Want to avoid discomfort

Don’t want to “lose face”

The then is

people see you as:

Lacking in (not being open

or honest, not being transparent, not

talking straight)

Lacking in (clueless,

naïve, incompetent)

Develop a sense of your own extent to which you do or

do not engage in Crucial Conversations

Acquire the knowledge and understanding as to

you may not always engage in Crucial Conversations

Learn and cultivate strategies that teach you to get

better at having Crucial Conversations

At your table . . .

Think of your current work; Consider your

participation on a team, at work, at home, in your

community.

1. Recall a situation where reality needed to

be confronted and a Crucial

Conversation/Interaction was needed

2. What was the situation?

3. What exactly did you do?

4. Why did you do what you described in

number 3?

At your table . . .

Complete the brief

“Style Under Stress” Assessment

Silence vs. Violence

SILENCE

Act purposefully to

withhold information from

pool of meaning

Means to avoid potential

problems

Restricts flow of meaning

Playing verbal games to

avoid a person entirely

VIOLENCE

Any verbal strategy that

attempts to convince,

control or compel others to

your point of view

Violates safety by trying to

force meaning into the pool

Methods range from name-

calling and monologuing to

making threats

Style Under Stress

SILENCE VIOLENCE

Masking

Questions 5, 6

Controlling

Questions 7, 8

Avoiding

Questions 3, 4

Labeling

Questions 9, 10

Withdrawing

Questions 1, 2

Attacking

Questions 11, 12

Patterson, Kerry, Grenny, Joseph, McMillan, Ron, Switzler, Al. (2002). Creative Conversations.

New York, NY: McGraw Hill, Inc.

Style Under Stress

SILENCE

Masking

Questions 5, 6

Understating or selectively

showing our true opinions

Sarcasm, sugarcoating, and

couching

Avoiding

Questions 3, 4

Steering completely away

from sensitive subjects. We

talk, but without addressing

the real issues

Withdrawing

Questions 1, 2

Pulling out of a conversation

altogether. We either exit the

conversation or exit the

room.

Patterson, Kerry, Grenny, Joseph, McMillan, Ron, Switzler, Al. (2002). Creative Conversations.

New York: McGraw Hill

Style Under Stress

VIOLENCEControlling

Questions 7, 8

Coercing others to your way of

thinking; Done by either forcing your

views on others or dominating the

conversation; Cutting others off,

overstating your facts, speaking in

absolutes, changing subjects, using

directive questions to control the

conversation

Labeling

Questions 9, 10

Putting a label on people or ideas so

we can dismiss them under a general

stereotype or category

Attacking

Questions 11, 12

Moving from winning the argument to

making the person suffer. Tactics

include belittling and threatening

Patterson, Kerry, Grenny, Joseph, McMillan, Ron, Switzler, Al. (2002). Creative Conversations. New York:

McGraw Hill

Essential Behaviors for

Crucial Conversations

1. Maintain the right mindset and as the

leader, “sell it”

Honest = Respectful and Kind

Essential Behaviors for

Crucial Conversations

2. Start with Dialogue

Know what you really want

Stay focused

Look for safety problems and

consider your own Style Under Stress

Essential Behaviors for

Crucial Conversations

3. Pay Attention to and Maintain Safety

Re-establish mutual purpose – care

about other person’s interests

Re-establish mutual respect – use “I do”

and “I don’t” statements

Essential Behaviors for

Crucial Conversations

4. Focus on Action and Results

Make assignments – provide specificity

Hold people accountable

REFLECT upon the

“situation” you identified

earlier

What ESSENTIAL

BEHAVIORS were missing

from that

conversation/interaction?

“The Art of [Effective]

Communication is the

Language of

Leadership.”

James Humes

References

Covey, Stephen M.R. (2006). The Speed of Trust. New York, NY:

Simon & Schuster, Inc.

Patterson, Kerry, Grenny, Joseph, McMillan, Ron, Switzler, Al. (2002).

Crucial Conversations, Tools for talking when stakes are high.. New

York, NY: McGraw Hill, Inc.