LEADERSHIP DEVELOPMENT

Effective Communication

and

Conflict ManagementMonday, February 6, 1:30 – 3:00 PM

ITV Training

Presented by LeeAnn Vitalis,Executive Director of Employee Services at

OBJECTIVESEffective Communication: Identify communication barriers and define

effective communication Improve communication and listening skills Ability to minimize misinterpretationsConflict Management Understand your own conflict management

tendencies. Develop skills for preventing and diffusing

conflict. Ability to manage conflict using critical

conversations Learn how to effectively provide others with

constructive criticism.

EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION

EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATIONPOTENTIAL BARRIERS

• Interpersonal Conflict• Giving Critical

Feedback can be Emotional

• Time• Environment• Lack of Respect• Negative Past

Experiences

• Behavior Problems

• Dysfunctional Relationships

• Misleading Non-verbal Communication

• Not understanding the big Picture

• Different Perceptions

THE FOUR MAIN GOALS OF COMMUNICATIONTo inform – you are providing

information for use in decision making, but aren't necessarily advocating a course of action

To request for a specific action by the receiver

To persuade – to reinforce or change a receiver's belief about a topic and, possibly act on the belief

To build relationships – some messages you send may have the simple goal of building good-will between you and the receiver

WHAT ISEFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION?

A supportive process by which information is exchanged between individuals through a common system of symbolic signs or

behaviors resulting in a shared understanding.

SUPPORTIVE COMMUNICATION:

An accurate message communicated

in a manner which enhances

interpersonal relationships.

SUPPORTIVE COMMUNICATIONProblem orientedDescriptiveBased on congruenceValidatingSpecificConjunctiveOwnedBased on active listening

SUPPORTIVE COMMUNICATION IS PROBLEM-ORIENTEDAND NOT PEOPLE-ORIENTED

Focus statements on behaviors or characteristics of the event, and not on personal motives, attributes or what you think their reasoning is or their intentions are.

SUPPORTIVE COMMUNICATION ISDESCRIPTIVE NOT VALUATIVE

Be objective Be as factual as possible

SUPPORTIVE COMMUNICATION IS

BASED ON CONGRUENCE ANDNOT INCONGRUENCE

Verbal and Nonverbal messages should match!

8% Verbal

36% Vocal

56% Non-verbal

SUPPORTIVE COMMUNICATION ISVALIDATING AND NOT INVALIDATING

Respect Others! Do not convey superiority, rigidity or

indifference as this will result in negative feelings

People have a right to feel the way they feel Remember their perception is their reality

SUPPORTIVE COMMUNICATION ISSPECIFIC AND NOT GLOBAL

Narrow the discussion to concrete statements Take appropriate responsibility Try not to use

“always” and “never”

SUPPORTIVE COMMUNICATION ISCONJUNCTIVE ANDNOT DISCONJUNCTIVE

Connect thoughts to the big picture Put thoughts into context

of the subject matter Give background information Inform current status of a situation Describe how someone should expect to

connect to the situation

SUPPORTIVE COMMUNICATION ISOWNED AND NOT DISOWNED

Own your:point of viewconcernsfeelings

A lack of ownership conveys a lack of trust and respect in self and others.

SUPPORTIVE COMMUNICATION ISBASED ON ACTIVE LISTENING AND NOT ONE-WAY MESSAGES

What are behaviors and actions of an Effective Listener? …

BEHAVIORS AND ACTIONS OF AN EFFECTIVE LISTENER:

Turn and face the other person; “point your heart”

Maintain comfortable eye contact

Interpersonal distance is 2-4 feet

Stop moving Pay attention to non-

verbals Listening is:

60% silent and 40% questioning

It takes 90 seconds to sufficiently connect.

LISTENING

Level 3: Soft Focus Intuition

Aware of energy & unspoken feelings

Level 2: FocusedAll attention directed

one way; fully engaged in listening

Level 1: InternalSelf talk and

thinking; not fully engaged in

conversation

ARE YOU COMPETENT AT LISTENING?

Ask a trusted colleague for feedback on your interpersonal skills:

Are you approachable?Do you ask questions appropriately?Are you open to others’ comments,

suggestions and questions?What messages do your non-verbals convey?

SUPPORTIVE COMMUNICATIONProblem orientedDescriptiveBased on congruenceValidatingSpecificConjunctiveOwnedBased on active listening

TRUE COLORS: FOUR BASIC BEHAVIORAL STYLES

•Green• GoldGold• Blue•Orange

• Thinker

• DirectorDirector

• Relater

• Socializer

Communication StylePlays a Large Role

MINIMIZING MISINTERPRETATIONS

LISTEN!Clear Message vs. Mixed Message

MIXED MESSAGESHAPPEN MOSTLY DURING EMOTIONAL, CONTROVERSIAL, VALUE-RELATED DISCUSSIONS

What I say and what I convey may be two different things

Past experiences could play a role Individuals define words differently

You always….You never….

KEYS TO A CLEAR MESSAGE Talk loud enough Relate familiar to

unfamiliar Demonstrate - show

and tell Use visual aids Build expectations Be specific

Tell them what to listen for and then tell them

Know your audience Summarize main

points

EMAILBefore sending or responding to email: ASK YOURSELF: Would personal

communication be more effective? And have a face-to-face meeting if needed.

ASK YOURSELF: Will I be able to convey the message clearly enough without the non-verbal component of communication?

* Don’t use email if it’semotional or controversial. *

CONFLICTMANAGEMENT

What are somebarriers toresolving conflict?

POTENTIAL BARRIERS? Personal conflict Bad attitudes Perceived (not real) Time Environment Lack of Respect Communication breakdown Gossip Value differences Dysfunctional relationships Different perspectives Differences of expectations Anger management problems Inappropriate behavior

CONFLICT DEFINED

Conflict is a struggle resulting fromincompatible or opposing needs, or external or internal demands.

ELEMENTS OF CONFLICT

Conflict is normalPerceived vs. real conflictDifferent responses to conflictConflicts affect relationshipsConflict can be a GOOD thing!

RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN LEVEL OF CONFLICT AND ORGANIZATIONAL OUTCOMES

Positive

Negative

Low High

THE FIVE DYSFUNCTIONSOF A TEAM

Well-managed conflict can be a constructive, growing, and strengthening experience.

Poorly-managed conflict is likely to be a barrier to the health of the relationship.

Results

Accountability

Commitment

Conflict

Trust

SEE HANDOUT

CONFLICT MANAGEMENT STYLES

Competition: I win, you lose. Avoidance: There’s no problem. Compromise: Both you and I win and lose

some. Accommodation: You win, I lose. Collaboration: I win, you win.

SEE HANDOUT

Conflict Management Style

Based on Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument

CONFLICT MANAGEMENT SKILLS

1. Preventive Skills2. Conflict Recognition3. Conflict Resolution

MANAGING CONFLICT:1. PREVENTIVE SKILLS Active listener Verbal and non-verbal are congruent Validate the opinions, perceptions and

feelings of others Focus on solutions and not blame Own your thoughts and feelings Share feedback – descriptive, specific,

behavioral terms Strive to be empathetic and open Provide others with more praise than

criticism

MANAGING CONFLICT:2. CONFLICT RECOGNITION

Is it a “real” conflict? Is there a communication problem or

misunderstanding?Have you disclosed your perspective

and feelings about the issue?Have you sought clarification?

MANAGING CONFLICT:3. CONFLICT RESOLUTIONConflict resolution is a way to settle disagreements peacefully.

Successful conflict resolution requires self-discipline, honesty, and respect.

Effective leaders encourage the expression of differences without allowing them to become divisive.

See disagreements as opportunities Bring up points of conflict in a

straightforward manner Disclose motives or needs of an ideal

outcome Promote discussion based on principles,

not positions Work through differences of opinion in a

constructive manner Promote candor Seek common ground

MANAGING CONFLICT:(CONTINUED)

3. CONFLICT RESOLUTION

The ability to give and receive criticism is an essential skill in order to manage conflict.

It is a high-risk form of communication. Healthy Approach: See it as an opportunity. It is possible to make criticism a positive

rather than a negative encounter because it has the potential to strengthen relationships.

To contribute to a positive work environment one must learn to turn this potentially offensive interaction into a positive form of feedback and dialogue.

CRITICAL CONVERSATIONS

GIVING AND RECEIVINGCONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM

1. When is criticism appropriate?

2. Why do we tend to be critical of others?

3. What are some common responses to criticism? Consider “True Colors”.

GIVING CRITICISM EFFECTIVELY 1. Timely2. Done privately3. Focus on behaviors, not personality4. Be specific and descriptive5. Avoids making “you” statements6. Maintain calm, positive tone7. LISTEN; it’s a dialogue not a lecture8. Acknowledge his/her willingness or

attempts to make positive changes.9. Be as willing to compliment others, as

you are to criticize them.

CRITICISM IS INEFFECTIVE WHEN:

1. It is blaming or shaming.2. It is stated in general, unsubstantiated

terms (‘always’ & ‘never’).3. It is always emphasizing the negative.4. It is coupled with a threat.5. It is coupled with a put down such as, “I told you so.”6. It is accusatory.

THINGS TO REMEMBERWHEN GIVING CRITICISM:There are Different Types of People: In the way they respond to feedback In their personality traits - True Colors In what actions taken after conversation

Therefore, before giving feedback ask yourself:1. What do you perceive as the problem?

2. How can you best communicate with this individual?

3. How can you get him/her to share objectively?

4. How can you convey you are listening?

5. What goal or behavior do you need to reinforce that you expect?

6. How would you close or summarize a conference with this type of person?

CRITICAL CONVERSATION: PROCESS

1. B.O.T.D.2. Ask3. State Purpose

Jointly agree on action

Listen Expect Aunt

SARAH

Describe Situation

SurpriseAngerRejectionAcceptanceHelpfulShow

Appreciation

Start

Ask for a Commitment

!

DESCRIBING THE ISSUE AND ASKING FOR A COMMITMENT

1. “When you….”2. “It affects….”3. “Because….”4. Pause for Discussion – Expect Aunt

Sarah

5. “For the future….”6. “Because….”7. “Can you commit to….”

SEE HANDOUT

Describing the Issue

Asking for a Commitment

WHAT WOULD YOU DO?

WITH YOUR PARTNER…

As a Nursing Assistant you are frustrated with your RN co worker who has spent a lot of time visiting with others at the desk today talking about the weekend camping trip and you have answered most of the call lights and passed most of the trays and you are now behind on the morning workload. 

WHAT WOULD YOU DO?

WITH YOUR PARTNER…

As an RN or Nursing Asst, you notice that one of your team members who you frequently work with is negative and seems to be complaining a lot about other co-workers. She is also gossiping about some rumors.  You are tired of this as it is bringing you down and you like to be positive and not gossip about others. 

 

RECEIVING CRITICISM:HOW TO GAIN FROM CRITICISM

Listen interpretively Encourage ventilation Invert the communication process Develop a self-esteem survival kit Choose your fights carefully Forgiveness

GIVING POSITIVE FEEDBACKWORDS OF ENCOURAGEMENT

Start with a positive value statement Follow your value judgment with a

descriptive statement If the recipient uses a “self-qualifier” to

respond to your feedback acknowledge his/her comment and reaffirm the positive.

EXAMPLE OF ENCOURAGEMENT:

“You look nice.” - value statement “Your blue vest brings out the color in

your eyes.” - descriptive “This old thing is all I could find to

wear because I did not get the laundry done!” - self qualifier

“It’s fortunate that you grabbed that old vest because it looks nice.” - response

TIPS FOR LEADERS

Change mental model Use conflict as an opportunity Go upstream Step outside individual concerns Focus on collective/shared outcomes Recognize costs unresolved conflict Identify true workplace conflicts Don’t own others’ interpersonal conflicts Understand your own conflict style Reframe conflict to mean effective

workgroup

SUMMARY

Effective Communication is Supportive Communication

Listening is half of communicating Conflict is a GOOD thing Understand your conflict style Manage Conflict:

Preventive SkillsConflict RecognitionConflict Resolution

Critical Conversations: Know the process practice, practice, practice!

“The credibility of your response is dependent on how well you listened in the

first place.” - Abraham Lincoln

BEFORE YOU GO…

Questions? Do you feel like you are able to meet the

objectives of effective communication and conflict management?

Please complete the evaluation on line; an email will be sent to you.

Thank you very much for you time, attention and participation!