LEADERSHIP DEVELOPMENT NOV 2014

OK/TEX/KAN

Group Dynamics For Groups of people to be successful in relationships either in home

groups church, project/task groups, board meetings and Leadership teams etc. we need to establish or create a healthy growth environment for that to happen. This is not our default mode, we have to do it on purpose! Pastor Paul Scanlon – Abundant Life Church UK

Steroid type dependent meetings/groups i.e. monthly or weekly gatherings will never really get past the co dependence of a church/group. Most growth environments are uncomfortable and inconvenient, take time and group commitment.

This presentation will look briefly at some of the areas involved Every relationship can be measured by the foundational building blocks to

reach inter- dependency as a goal, God is not looking for robotic relationships.

Relationship Building Blocksthree levels

INTER-DEPENDENCELOVE

FRIENDSHIP

COMMUNICATION

TRUSTCARING

WILLINGNESS

RESPECT

PARTNERSHIP

INTIMACY

Typical questions to ask yourself

Willingness- Do I like this person enough to

become personal with them Can I grant the other person

the benefit of the doubt? Am I going to extend my

person to gain mutual respect and trust?

Will I attempt to share my deep thoughts, feelings and dreams?

Respect- Do I really know this person? Will they honor my intentions? Can they accept our differences and

honor them Am I willing to respect them ? Trust- Am I willing to risk trusting them? Am I willing to be trusted by them? Is trust even one of their values ? Is trusting them even one of mine?

COMMUNICATIONWhat do we bring our tables Personality Difference Responsibilities/attitudes Cultures/Race, Age, different languages Background Life Experience, personal fears , perceptions, mindsets Economic background Religion/traditions, different levels of Spiritual maturity and experience Core beliefs, family conditioning Educational backgrounds Talents, Gifting's, Callings, Transitional stage between old and new creation being

Communication core conditions

Core conditions for good communication KAUKHAFF 5 CORE CONDITIONS EMPATHY To be able to listen and hear and walk

with others in their shoes IMMEDIACY- to be able to challenge

what's happening now between me and you

CONCRETENESS- to be able to be specific in dealing with a situation no vague generalities, grey areas

RESPECT- that everyone is able and capable of learning and applying knowledge for themselves not overruling OR making decisions or answering for them

CONFRONTATION to be able to constructively challenge without destructively breaking down a person

Basic communication skills Listening skills Hearing what is being said beneath

the surface Clarifying when not sure what was

being said Allowing each other to speak openly

and honestly without preparing your defense while they still speaking

Awareness of our body language and tone of voice

Eye contact

DEFENSE MECHANISMS-

Brief overview Most defense mechanisms are

functioning unconsciously we are not always aware of them

Purpose they protect the individual from seeing and facing unconscious conflicts.

Protects us from painful emotions They are also self deceptive therefore

they involve deception and are generally sinful in origin

They are used by everyone except Christ who has no sinful motives

May prevent or delay psychological problems

Types of Defense Mechanism Projection- putting our own impulses on some

one else EG “We all feel” tired and worn out and disappointed at the Pastors behavior

Denial – someone is in denial of their constant overeating or disrespect of colleagues by criticizing

Regression- when a person returns to a previous behavior ie withdrawal in a time of distress a toddler when mom brings home the new baby starts drinking baby's bottle

Rationalization- justifying behavior - a leader may feel she has to “mother” the group because they are incapable of making mature decisions

BOUNDARIESDr. John Townsend and Dr Henry Cloud

Mathew 22- 37-40 Love the Lord your God with all your heart soul and mind/ love your neighbor as yourself

What are they/What are they not

Where you can go and where you cant go Where you start / and stop Fences/separators Your role ends someone else's starts Define what is acceptable Provide protection and security/respect Includes distance, noise, emotional

distance physical, geographical, limits, truth, time, words, values, permissions.

EG Let your yes be yes and your no be no promise no man anything eph4v24

Purpose of boundaries God has them he defines who he is

and who we are Heb 12v10 Values- pg43 Limits Coping with life To prevent damage Clarity Provides space/defines ownership Distinct identities/ pg 235 /john 17

20-23

What happens when we don’t have boundaries

CHAOS/no order DISAGREEMENT/discomfort VIOLATIONS/anything goes

REBELLION/fear LACK OF IDENTITY/ insecurity CONFUSION/loss of direction

NO RESPECT/Guilty SENSE OF LOSS/ unsafe

DAMAGED HURT PEOPLE….. (Many more consequences)

Personality Types- world view v Christlikeness

Our goal to be conformed into the image and likeness of Jesus Christ Distinct Father -Son -Holy Spirit- unique Personalities yet One God World view – OLD Man View some basic traits Lion – Type eg one who would take charge”, lead, gives orders,

bossy, intolerant, impatient. Otter- Type- popular, let me entertain you, creative, talkative,

outgoing, loves people , unpredictable. Golden Retriever type- agreeable, peaceful, gentle, lacks motivation,

fear of criticism, indecisive. Beaver type - detailed orientated, demands perfection, analytical

distracted.

Personality traits

TASK ORIENTATED Leaders / Decisive- Productive Visionary Independent Strong willed Self disciplined Analytical Gifted Industrious

RELATIONAL Outgoing Responsive Warm friendly Talkative Compassionate Enthusiastic Practical Easygoing Objective diplomatic

CONTRACTUAL AGREEMENT

IDEAS FOR AGREEMENT Our team is a safe environment

for sharing and growth Motivate each other Agree to time limits and

boundaries Maintain honesty and truth as far

as possible Respect for each other We give each other permission to

speak truth in love

Hold each other accountable to our agreement- constructively criticism

Go to the person who conflict is with not the team first

Maintain confidentiality Maintain trust/loyalty given Pray and protect our team Zero tolerance for gossip and

backbiting. Review every 6months

HOMEWORK WITH YOUR TEAMS/BOARDSWhere the rubber hits the road CommitmentWe are committed to a common objectiveWe are committed to helping each otherWe share common values Communication We discuss roles /responsibilities We handle disagreements/

constructively We are open and honest in our team

REVIEW DATE……………….. Cooperation We cooperate with each other fully We trust each other We work together harmoniously Under pressure we help each other practically as

well as spiritually We are ALL open to change Contribution We agree to all contribute in our team Everyone makes an equal contribution We keep everyone in the team involved with

decisions made

1= STRONGLY AGREE 3= MILDLY AGREE 5 = STRONGLY DISAGREE2= SORT OF AGREE 4 = DON’T AGREE

SCORES COMMITTMENT

COMMUNICATION

CO OPERATION

CONTRIBUTION

SCORES

1-5 Q1 Q 1 Q1 Q1

1-5 Q2 Q 2 Q2 Q2

1-5 Q3 Q 3 Q3 Q3

1-5 Q4

Q5

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