Heather P lettwww.heatherplett.com

Lead with your wild heartModule 2 - let your wild heart lead you

Wild-hearted CreativityYour wild heart wants to create. Some form of creativity is buried deep in DNA of every woman I know, whether we choose to admit it or not.

I’ve led a lot of creativity and creative writing workshops and every one of them fills up with women who are hungry for more creative expression in their lives. Many of them will start with the disclaimer “I’m really not creative” and then proceed to prove otherwise.

Your creativity may appear in your writing, on a canvas, on the dance floor, in your kitchen, in your parenting, in the way you organize your office, in the way you resolve conflicts, in the way you brew the perfect cup of coffee, in the way you run a household on a tight budget, in the way you dress, or in the way you run a meeting.

Many of us have developed a far too limited view of what creativity is and how it should appear in our lives. We see people who are visual artists or fiction writers or videographers and we compare

2

Module 2 - Lesson 7

ourselves to them, saying “I can’t do that. I’m definitely not creative.” We forget about the delicious meal we just cooked, or the masterpiece spreadsheet we created to keep all of our important data organized, or the way we mixed the colours in our wardrobe to create an outfit that’s pleasing to the eye.

A few minutes or hours or days into my creativity workshops, I always bump up against the same thing... Women have convinced themselves that they should feel guilty if they invest too much time, energy, money, or emotions into their creative expression. At first it shows up as resistance - “I can’t do THAT. I don’t know how. I’ll fail if I try.” Then it shows up as guilt - “I can’t possibly give myself time for that. I have far too much to do. My husband gets annoyed if I paint instead of doing housework.” In the end, it usually shows up as grief - “I used to love to do that. Why haven’t I done it in twenty years? What’s blocking me from finding time for what I love?”

If you are in one of those places, you’ll need to spend some time in inquiry about why you’re living with a narrative that tells you that you can’t do it, you don’t deserve it, you don’t have time for it, or you’ll fail if you try. These are all unhelpful stories you’re telling yourself and to really live with fullness and joy, you need to give your wild heart space to create.

There are a few other lies you might have been telling yourself.

“I can’t spend time in creativity if I don’t produce something of value. The product is more important than the process.” Wrong. The process is almost always of more value than the final product.

“I have to focus on one form of creative expression and perfect it instead of trying something new every week.” Wrong. You can play with as many forms of creative expression as you want if trying new things makes you happy. You can also do the same form for the rest of your life - your choice.

3

“Our truest responsibility to the irrationality of the world is to paint or sing or write, for only in such response do we f ind the truth.”

-Madeleine L'Engle

“I have to use the right materials, take the right class, learn the right technique, buy the right paper or wear the right shoes before I can start.” Wrong. There is no “right way” in creative expression and there is no “wrong way” either. There is just “the way” - a path that takes you to what YOU want to do in the way that YOU want to do it with the material YOU have at hand (or can purchase for a reasonable price). Start with what you have, even if it’s simply a pencil doodle on your grocery list.

I used to visit art supply stores and stand and gaze longingly at the rows and rows of paint tubes and brushes. I’d done that for years. I wanted to paint so badly, but it was completely overwhelming for me. I had no idea what brushes to start with (what if I used the wrong one?) or which kind of paint did what (what’s the difference between watercolour and acrylic?), and besides, I could barely draw a stick figure, so what made me think I could paint?

Friends would take up painting, and I’d be so jealous, but I never signed up for a course. “I’ll probably fail,” I told myself. “I’m not very artistic.”

That was before my year of living fearlessly. In 2009, I chose “fearless” as my word for the year and I set out to do some of the things I’d been afraid of before. I knew I couldn’t let the layers of fear and doubt stand in the way of something I’d wanted to do since I was a child. I would learn to paint, even if I accomplished nothing more than a stick figure and a tree that looked like a 6 year old’s fingerpainting. I wasn’t going to let failure stand in my way.

I signed up for a class and started buying supplies. But every time I took my supply list into an art supply store, I got that overwhelming, choking feeling again. What was a #1 brush? Was I supposed to buy the paint in tubes or in little cakes like the kindergarten paints? I was even afraid to ask a store employee for help, for fear of embarrassing myself with my lack of knowledge. I bought a few supplies, but put off most of it until the night before the class.

“Creative work is not a self ish act or a bid for attention. It's a gift to the world and every being in it.” - Steven Pressfield

4

Then the worst happened – the night before the class turned out to be the night OF the class. I’d looked at the dates wrong. I had to rush to the only store within easy driving distance, grab whatever I could find, and show up at class 15 minutes late with only half of my supplies. My heart was in my throat. This was NOT the way to start something this scary!

The first 15 minutes of the class were horrible. Others had already started and I didn’t get the instructions right. Plus I had to borrow a few things from my table mate. If my husband hadn’t dropped me off and left me without a car, I might have packed up and gone home.

But then, when water mixed with paint and paint started hitting paper, a transformation began to unfold. The paper, the paint, the paint brushes – they all took hold of me, lifted me out of myself, and the stress began to seep out of my body drop by drop. How incredibly good the paint brush felt in my hand! How incredibly right! I almost started crying right there in that high school art room. This was what I had been waiting for all these years!

Even though we only painted in monochrome that night, and the result was hardly worth bragging about, I knew that I had fallen in love. For too many years this passion had been waiting for fear to loosen its grip so that it could be born – now it was time to let it see the light of day.

Five classes later (too quickly it passed), we were getting ready for the final class. “Bring in a picture to the second last class,” she’d said. “Something that is special to you. You’re going to paint your first masterpiece during the final class.” I selected a few that I thought I was capable of (some easy landscapes and silhouettes), and threw in the one I really wanted to paint but doubted that I could – one of my favourite photos from Ethiopia. “These are easy,” she said, flipping through the top of the pile, “you can paint these.” Then she looked at the last one – the special one. “You want to paint that?” she said, a little incredulously. I felt the doubt rise again. Maybe she didn’t like it. Maybe she thought I couldn’t do it. Oh what was I thinking – of COURSE I can’t do it! I nodded sheepishly. “Yeah, I think you

" Imagination is more important than knowledge." Al bert Einstein

5

could probably do that if you tried hard enough.” Really? “You probably won’t finish it in one day, and you’ll have to do the sketching before the class so you use the time in class well.”

Gulp. Was I really going to try? What if I failed? Would I want to come back for another class next session, or would I give up? Maybe I should just do my back-up plan - the silhouette of the acacia tree from my Kenya pictures. It was so much easier.

But “easy” wasn’t what I’d signed up for. I decided to try regardless of how it scared me. I did the preparation work and showed up at class early this time. I was determined. This was not going to be the end of painting for me. I was not going to let fear hold me back. I was determined, but nervous, and almost positive I would fail.

And then, the minute I touched paintbrush to paper, I entered that zen-like state and got lost in the painting all over again. The hours drifted away while I let the paint carry me. Bit by bit, I watched the art unfold. First grey sky, then the landscape. That was the easy part. Would I be able to paint convincing people? The first one turned out not bad. The second was even better. By the third one, I began to believe that I could actually DO this!

I didn’t finish that night, but the next night, while my husband was away and my daughters got to watch a little extra TV, I finished the last piece – the baskets. When I was done, I stepped back and… well, it was GOOD! I had actually painted something I could be proud of! (You can see the results on page 12.)

Since then, I’ve taken more art classes, and stepped into many more things that scared me (including self-employment). And I’ve become much more committed to making my creative practice a high priority in my life. It’s not just something I do at the end of the day, if I can fit it in after the dishes are done and the family is all cared for. It’s often the thing I start my day with. I turn to it in my grief, I turn to it when I’m in transition and need to contemplate my next steps. I turn to it when I need to be re-energized. I turn to it when I’m feeling stuck and need new ideas.

6

"Often the hands wil l solve a mystery that the intel lect has struggled with in vain." - Carl Jung

I believe that creative practice is essential for living an authentic, wild-hearted life. It’s not just a guilty pleasure that you tuck in at the end of the day. You need to give yourself time for it - in some way, shape, or form - if you want to understand yourself better and get better at following the path your wild heart is leading you down.

I think of my creative practice as a doorway into my heart. When I do mandala-journaling, for example, I almost always open the door to a new truth that I’d been ignoring before. When I take my camera out into the woods, I see details and shapes that surprise me, and that shifts my brain into new kinds of thinking that give me ideas and energy that often surprise me in their potency.

In fact, almost all of my business planning has been done with a paintbrush, Sharpie marker, or camera in my hand. I don’t work well with spreadsheets or business plans - I work well with creative practice that allows the ideas to flow freely rather than trying to make them conform into unnatural boxes.

Creative practice helps us shift from being stuck in our logical left-brained thinking into our imaginative, spiritual right-brained thinking. It forges new pathways in our brain that open up new possibilities for us.

When I teach Creative Discovery, I know that the greatest gift that the participants receive is rarely any wisdom that I impart - instead it is simply learning to give themselves permission to create. Just by showing up and trying things they’ve given themselves that permission. By the end of the 8 day course or 1 day workshop, I always see new lights of possibility in the eyes of the participants.

“The cal l to the creative life is a cal l to dignity, to a life of vulnerability and adventure and the cal l to a life that exquisite excitement and indeed

ecstasy wil l often visit.” - John O’Donohue

7

Stop treating your creative practice like it is optional. If you wouldn’t go 2 days without brushing your teeth, you shouldn’t go 2 days without dedicating at least 5 minutes to some form of creative practice. Your wild heart is worth taking care of just like your teeth are, and your wild heart is best cared for when you create.

Creative practice is self care just like brushing your teeth is.

One final note... A few weeks ago, we talked about spiritual practice and I want to be clear on something. Your creative practice doesn’t have to be different from your spiritual practice. Whether you’re painting, meditating, dancing, or walking a labyrinth, you are being intentional about connecting with Spirit and your wild heart. To me, there is really no separation. Painting is my prayer and my way of stretching my creative muscles. Wandering in the woods with my camera is both my meditation and a way of engaging my imagination. Some spiritual teachers will tell you that you should be intentional about following one path and being true to that practice, but I haven’t found that to ring true for me.

I would encourage you to find more than one kind of practice - perhaps one that engages your body in movement and one that engages your imagination. Sit in inquiry with your wild heart about what sustains and energizes you.

8

“There is no doubt that creativity is the most important human resource of al l. Without creativity, there would be no progress, and we would be forever

repeating the same patterns." — Edward de Bono

“If you hear a voice inside you say you cannot paint, then by al l means paint, and that voice wil l be silenced”. –V incent Van Gogh

Basic Principles of Creativity (from The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron)

1.Creativity is the natural order of life. Life is energy: pure creative energy.

2.There is an underlying, in-dwelling creative force infusing all of life - including ourselves.

3.When we open ourselves to our creativity, we open ourselves to the creator’s creativity within us and our lives.

4.We are, ourselves, creations. And we, in turn, are meant to continue creativity by being creative ourselves.

5.Creativity is God’s gift to us. Using our creativity is our gift back to God.

6.The refusal to be creative is self-will and is counter to our true nature.

7.When we open ourselves to exploring our creativity, we open ourselves to God: good orderly direction.

8.As we open our creative channel to the creator, many gentle but powerful changes are to be expected.

9.It is safe to open ourselves up to greater and greater creativity.

10.Our creative dreams and yearnings come from a divine source. As we move toward our dreams, we move toward our divinity.

“In concrete terms, creativity is the ability to see new possibilities in set ways of doing things, whether it relates to making a meal or

arranging the furniture in a room, designing cars or opening a business. It is the capacity of interpreting old stories, music, and dance forms in new ways. It is taking the nearest exit out of the

traffic jam on the highway and getting there by the back roads. It’s using a paper clip or bobby pin to hold the machine together long enough to f inish the job. It’s a salesman putting the right words

together to get in the door, or a surgeon responding on the spot to an unanticipated problem.” - Thomas Ryan

Heather P lettwww.heatherplett.com

12

Honouring your creative spirit

This week, your creative process is about honouring the creativity that your wild heart longs for.

1. Start by going on an artist’s date (term taken from The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron). Some time this week, commit an evening, morning, or just an hour or two in the middle of your day to finding something that engages your creativity. It should be something that you don’t ordinarily do, and it doesn’t need to cost any money. Visit an art gallery and take along your sketch book (even though you swear you don’t know how to draw). Go to a ceramics studio and paint a teapot. Go see a foreign film in that funky little theatre downtown. Visit the library and sit at a table with a stack of art books. You can do it alone or with a friend, but if you take a friend, make sure it’s someone with whom you feel safe to experiment, make mistakes, and play.

2. Either in connection with your artist’s date, or at a separate time, try some creative expression you’ve never tried before. Buy some cheap paints in the kids’ craft aisle and try finger painting. Take pictures in the woods. Turn on some lively music and dance in your living room. Sign up for an art workshop at your local art store. Make a mandala. Bake an angel food cake. Let a friend teach you a simple song on the piano.

Creative Process

13

Journal Prompts

1. I feel _______ about my creativity because.... (repeat this statement as many times as you want)

2. The things that block me from being creative are...

3. I believe I am creative when I...

4. When I was a child I used to enjoy...

5. I would like to try...

6. I am GOING to try...

“Creative insights often come in nonlinear ways, through seeing connections and similarities between things that we hadn’t noticed before.”

- Ken Robinson

14

Connie runs Dirty Footprints Studio where she awakens fearless creativity in others, inspires each soul to radiate their heart’s unique expression, and guides individuals to ruthlessly trust their innate wisdom. I’ve had the pleasure of participating in one of Connie’s live workshops, and I can tell you that she teaches with a wild-hearted passion and authenticity.

Quotes from Connie:“Pay attention to your fear because it can be your guide.”

“Find safe spaces where you can learn to hear and trust your own creativity.”

Video link: https://vimeo.com/57159971 Password: mywildheart

Featured InterviewA Conversation with

Connie Hozvicka

Additional Resources:

For further inspiration on the topic of creativity, the following books may be of interest:

The Artist’s Way, by Julia Cameron

The Creative Habit, by Twyla Tharp

12 Secrets of Highly Creative Women, by Gail McMeekin

Flow, by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi

Soul Fire, by Thomas Ryan

The War of Art, by Stephen Pressfield

Creativity, by Matthew Fox

Spirit Taking Form, by Nancy Azara

15

“The creation of something new is not accomplished by the intel lect but by the play instinct acting from inner necessity. The creative mind plays with

the objects it loves.” - C.G. Jung

Wild-hearted Love“You only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves.” - Mary Oliver

Some day, I will have the above quote from Mary Oliver’s poem, Wild Geese (see the complete poem below), tattooed onto my arm where I can see it every day.

In it’s simplicity, this is all you need to know about wild-hearted love. You can stop reading right now, and simply hold that line in your heart for the remainder of this week and you will have learned the essence of what I want to teach you about wild-hearted love.

Your wild heart wants to love. Your wild heart is full of love. Your wild heart IS love.

Your work in the world is to follow that love where it leads and to let that love change the world in which you live. “Just let the soft animal of your body love what it loves.” It all starts with love. When we let love serve as our guide, we won’t go in the wrong direction.

The world will tell you to withhold love. They will tell you not to be too vulnerable lest you get hurt. They will tell you that you’re too touchy-feely. They will tell you to be practical and not so mushy. They will tell you that you need thicker skin. They will tell you that you will get hurt if you love too deeply. They will tell you that leaders need to keep their feelings to themselves to be effective. They will tell you that love is not worth the risk.

16

Module 2 - Lesson 8

The world wants to protect you from hurt, but in the process, they’re keeping you from beauty. You have to risk the hurt to see the beauty. You have to risk the thorns to get close to the rose.

I’m reminded of the beautiful song by Roseanne Cash that I listened to a lot after Mom died. She wrote it after her dad died. “God is in the roses, the petals and the thorns.” If we want to witness the beauty of the roses, we have to accept the thorns. If I wanted to love my mom as deeply as I was able to love her, then I needed to accept the deep grief of losing her. The love was worth every bit of the pain.

God is in the rosesthe petals and the thornsstorms out on the oceansthe souls who will be bornand every drop of rain that fallsfalls for those who mourn

God is in the rosesand the thornsThe sun is on the cemeteryleaves are on the stonesthere never was a place on earththat felt so much like homewe're falling like the velvet petalswe're bleeding and we're tornbut God is in the rosesand the thorns

17

It's your unlimited power to care and to love that can make the biggest difference in the quality of your life. ~ Anthony Robbins

I love you like a brothera father and a sonit may not last foreverbut it never will be donemy whole world fits inside the momentI saw you be re-bornGod is in the rosesand that day was filled with rosesGod is in the rosesand the thorns

As I’ve shared in an earlier lesson, I was told a few months ago by the administrator at the university where I teach that I was “too touchy-feely” for some of the students. That comment cut me to the quick and the first thing that came up for me was shame. I’ve heard those words before. I was told to keep my feelings out of management. I was told I needed to have a thicker skin in order to rise through the ranks of government.

For far too many years, I believed that my propensity to love was a detriment to my success in my career. My natural inclination has always been to treat my students and former staff with love rather than professional coolness (which is why I hate administering exams), and I have faced judgement for that choice more than once. That judgement has caused shame in my life, because, like everyone else, I want to be liked and respected and not looked down upon by those who seem more “professional” than me.

For the next few weeks after hearing that comment about my teaching style, I tried to shut down my “touchy-feely” tendency in favour of a more “professional” teaching demeanor. That’s what shame does to us - it convinces us that we need to change to conform more to the world’s expectations. Shame keeps us from letting the “soft animal of our body love what it loves” because it convinces us that our animal nature is not to be trusted.

Fortunately, it didn’t take me many weeks of trying to teach in an inauthentic way to realize that it was completely wrong for me. I needed to go back to love.

“If a relationship is founded on love, it doesn’t end.” - Roseanne Cash

18

When I came to my senses, I went back to my administrator and told her that I was no longer interested in teaching the course that didn’t fit with my teaching style. It was a risk, because I was lined up to teach three more sessions of it in the months to come and we really need the income. Plus I didn’t want to annoy the administrator and risk losing the other courses that are a better fit for me.

I questioned my decision, but then a few beautiful things happened. Firstly, letting go of those courses freed me up to me more present for my mom in the last month of her life. Secondly, it wasn’t long after Mom died that new work showed up that more than compensated for the income I was losing, and this work fit perfectly with my values and teaching style. In this new work, I get to facilitate workshops with women who are emerging into leadership in rural communities in my province. It’s beautiful work and it feels so much more right than the courses I gave up.

And thirdly, the moment I stepped back into my authentic, loving way of teaching, a big shift happened in the classroom in the classes I continue to teach at the university. I am connecting with students in a deeper way and they are blossoming. There is less resistance in them and in me. I’m much more honest about my work in the world and I invite them to read my blog posts - something I never did before. I step forward with love in a more bold way than I did before. For the first time ever, four of the students in the class I currently teach have approached me for coaching because they’re in stuck places in their lives and they’ve grown to trust me and value you my work. THAT comes from authenticity and love, not from trying to conform to the pressures of the world.

Step back into authenticity, back into love, and your wild heart will blossom. And when your wild heart is blossoming, others will be drawn to your scent and your beauty.

Dare to love. Dare to love wildly and boldly. Dare to connect with your wild loving heart.

“Anyone can slay a dragon, he told me, but try waking up every morning and loving the world al l over again. That's what takes a real hero.”

- Brian Andreas

19

Love is dangerous. Let me be clear - you will risk a lot when you give and accept love, and when you trust your love to guide you. You will be hurt in your life, because not everyone will be prepared to receive and reciprocate that love. Each time someone resists your love and hurts you, you will be tempted to withdraw and protect yourself from further hurt. But then your wild heart will shrivel and you will no longer be living authentically.

As Michele Lisenbury Christensen says in one of the interviews this week, we as women need to look for new models for leadership and teaching. We may not find it in any leadership classes or teacher training or in watching the people who have gone before us in this work. That’s why we’ve learned to shut down our love instincts, because it is not affirmed. Instead, we may need to find the models for leading and teaching from a place of love in art, in our communities, in sexuality (yes, Michele talks a lot about sexuality in the video), in our children, and mostly in our own instinctual wild hearts.

Love is the container for growth and transformation. Live in that container and hold space for others in that container. The world will change when we live in love.

z “Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that.”

- Martin Luther King Jr.

20

Wild Geese 

You do not have to be good.You do not have to walk on your knees

For a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.

You only have to let the soft animal of your body

love what it loves.Tell me about despair, yours, and I will

tell you mine.Meanwhile the world goes on.

Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain

are moving across the landscapes,over the prairies and the deep trees,

the mountains and the rivers.Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the

clean blue air,are heading home again.

Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,the world offers itself to your

imagination,calls to you like the wild geese, harsh

and exciting --over and over announcing your place

in the family of things.

~ Mary Oliver ~

Watch Mary Oliver read this and other poems.

"One of the most painful barriers we can experience is the sense of isolation that the modern world fosters, which can only be broken by

our wil lingness to be held, by the quiet courage to al low our vulnerabilities to be seen. For as water f il ls a hole and as light f il ls the dark, kindness wraps around what is soft , if what is soft can be

seen. So admitting what we need , asking for help, letting our softness show--- these are prayers without words that friends, strangers, wind and time al l wrap themselves around. Al lowing

ourselves to be held is like returning to the womb." - Mark Nepo

Heather P lettwww.heatherplett.com

23

Honouring your wild love

This week in your creative practice, I invite you to “let the soft animal of your body love what it loves”.

Start with a large square piece of paper. Draw a large circle that reaches nearly to the edges of the paper. In the centre of the circle, draw or paste a picture that represents the “soft animal of your body”. It could be a picture of an animal that represents wild love for you. (For me, for example, it would probably be a deer.) Or it could be a picture of something that represents softness, vulnerability or passion - any of the words you associate with wild-hearted love. (You can do the journal prompts first if you’re searching for those words.) Draw a heart around the image.

Approaching this intuitively and not trying to over-think it, write words around the image that relate to what your wild heart wants to love. This should come from your deep honesty and not reflect what you think you’re supposed to love. You could also include images that represent these things.

Draw lines from the words/images that come up to connect them to the centre. These lines might also wrap around the words/image, like flower petals, and turn your love mandala into a flower. (If you wish to take this further, draw a stem with thorns and explore what those thorns are that represent the risks inherent in loving what you love.)

Creative Process

24

Journal Prompts

1. When I let the soft animal of my body love what it loves, it leads me to...

2. Sometimes I am afraid to love because...

3. The words I associate with wild-hearted love are...

4. Seeing these words on the page makes me feel...

5. I feel like I am honouring the soft animal of my body when I...

“If you judge people, you have no time to love them.” ― Mother Teresa

25

Lianne Raymond is a gifted teacher and coach, and I think that her greatest gift is her ability to reach right to the heart of a matter before most people have even begun to scratch the surface. She serves as my wisdom-source whenever I have questions about Jungian psychology or Marion Woodman teachings. Through her coaching and teaching, she helps people to live and love with wild abandon.

Quotes from Lianne:

“I have worked my way through the institution to get to the place where the institution works for me and I don’t work for it.”

“We live in a culture that has a strong economic paradigm and we tend to see love through that lens - as a transaction. We ask if we’re worthy of love and we focus too much on behaviour at the expense of intimacy.”

Video link: https://vimeo.com/57632779 Password: mywildheart

Featured InterviewsA Conversation with

Lianne Raymond Michele Lisenbury Christensen has started a Hot Love Revolution. She says she’s on a mission to help happy, well-loved women save the world. Sounds pretty wild-hearted to me! The core of her coaching work is what she calls “sacred ambition” – the way our aims in the world can stoke the fires of our spiritual development – and vice versa.

Quotes from Michele:

“The more loss I’ve suffered in my life, the more I’ve been brought to my knees, the more available I’ve become to others, the more resourceful I’ve become in being able to create the kinds of containers and resources that bring out other’s best, because I’m coming from a more human place.”

“Our desires are our marching orders from the divine.”

Video link: https://vimeo.com/57646727 Password: mywildheart

A Conversation with

Michele Lisenbury Christensen

Additional Resources:

For further inspiration on the topic of love, the following books may be of interest:

Power and Love, by Adam Kahane

The Year of Magical Thinking, by Joan Didion

Anam Cara, by John O’Donohue

A World Waiting to be Born, by M. Scott Peck

Real Love, by Greg Baer

26

“Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.” - Lao Tzu

When the Wild Heart Faces FearModule 2 - Lesson 9

There’s one thing I know for certain... at some point in your wild-hearted journey, you will face fear. It comes with the territory. You won’t be able to escape it.

Fear has many disguises. Sometimes it looks like anger, sometimes it looks like resistance, sometimes it looks like distractions, and sometimes it looks like valid reasons for avoiding the deep dive into your heart.

I used to think that I wanted to be fearless. In fact, I made it my word for the year in 2009 because I’d been bumping up against too many things that I was afraid of and I knew that I was letting the fear block me from a life fully lived. I claimed fearless as my word and set out to challenge the big and little things that caused fear. I took up painting (as I mentioned in an earlier lesson), I went sky-diving, I signed up for yoga, I wrote a book and released a couple of ebooks, I took some bold steps in my leadership journey, and I eventually quit my good-paying job to launch my own business and teach at university.

Claiming fearlessness helped me challenge a lot of blockages in my life, and for that I am grateful.

Since then, however, I’ve changed my mind about wanting to be fearless. I no longer want to eradicate fear from my life. Instead of being fearless, I want to be courageous and resilient.

In those three years, I’ve come to realize that fear has a very valid place in our lives and should never be eradicated. I became more courageous when I took up painting, quit my job, and learned to sell my ebooks and courses, but I did not become fearless.

You will never be fearless. If you are, then you’re not truly human.

Without fear, we do irrational things. Without fear, we hurt people we love. Without fear, we never learn to recognize danger or the deep longings in our hearts.

Fear can be very useful to us. It keeps us from getting hurt when we spot an angry dog foaming at the mouth. It reminds us to lock our doors at night. It sends us physical signals - sweaty palms, racing pulse, trembling lips - when we need to protect ourselves. In this context, fear is a life-preserving reaction to a recognizable danger.

Fear helps us to be better prepared for things. If we know that something we are planning to do is going to be scary, we’ll be more likely to put the necessary energy into making sure we’re ready, well equipped, and safe. If I hadn’t been afraid of skydiving, for example, I might have tried to do it without the necessary training and equipment. Fear ensured that I spent a day learning all of the necessary steps to jump as safely as possible, I listened closely to the instructor, and I wore the safest equipment available.

Fear can be a powerful motivator. The fear of failure, rejection, or loss will often drive us to do whatever it takes to overcome those negativities. We’ll become more resourceful and try things we haven’t done in the past in order to succeed. It drives us in the direction of what we really want.

28

“And what is courage? Apart from the dauntless daring, the valor and the pluck, I like to think of it as a loving of the possible, even when it

seems unlikely.” ~ Jean Houston

Fear lets us know that we are stretching and learning and it keeps us more alert in the process. That little quickening in your heart when you step into a new class at the university or register for an art class you’ve been longing to take? It keeps you awake and fully present. If we didn’t have a little fear when we stepped into new things, then those things things would quickly become mundane and we wouldn’t honour them or ourselves in the process. If stretching didn’t require some courage, then it wouldn’t really be useful to us.

Fear is not a bad thing. It’s just one of the many emotions that shows up to teach us things, to point us to what matters in our lives, and to keep us alert to the wonder and beauty in the world.

Fear is a gift that helps us find the path to our wild hearts.

Fear is a signpost that lets us know we’re heading in the right direction.

Fear is a blessing that keeps us awake, alert, and fully present.

Don’t run away from fear. Instead, embrace it, befriend it, sit in inquiry with it, and learn from it.

The problem does not reside in the fear itself. The problem resides in our response to that fear. When we try to shut down or avoid the fear, we don’t hear the messages that it’s trying to tell us. When we run away from fear, we miss amazing opportunities to grow and be transformed. When we shelter ourselves from fear, we shrink into smaller versions of ourselves and never know the magic of wild-hearted lives.

The problem is not that we HAVE fear, the problem is that we let fear CONTROL us.

When fear gets the upper hand, it is no longer a gift, a signpost, or a blessing. It becomes our master.

When we learn to master fear instead of letting it master us, that is when we step into our deepest courage. That is when we lead with our wild hearts.

“There is no courage if we feel no fear" Elaine Aron

29

The year that I claimed fearless as my word for the year, I came across the following quote by Rainer Maria Rilke: “Perhaps all the dragons in our lives are princesses who are only waiting to see us act, just once, with beauty and courage. Perhaps everything that frightens us is, in its deepest essence, something helpless that wants our love.”

I printed it and taped it to the wall right next to my computer screen so that I’d see it every day. At that time, I was dealing with fairly significant fear in my role as Director of Resources and Public Engagement at the non-profit where I was working. There’d been quite a lot of conflict and dysfunction in the team I was leading, and almost every day I was shrinking in fear of the disapproval and anger I’d have to face from my staff if I challenged them.

Every time I avoided the tough conversations, I was letting fear have mastery over me.

That quote on my office wall reminded me that perhaps the team that I was neglecting to confront because I was afraid of their anger and disapproval was actually looking for my love and even my courage. Perhaps I was letting the whole team down by letting fear master me.

Not long after taping that quote to my office wall, I was standing in a fairtrade boutique in downtown Toronto holding a silk patchwork jacket in my hands. My heart did a little pitter-patter in my chest. I wanted it. Badly. I’d often pictured myself wearing just such a garment. Colourful, eclectic, bohemian, artistic, bold, sassy – it said so many things about the wearer that I wanted to be able to say about myself.

I took a deep breath and checked the price. It was on sale. Less than half price. Almost what I could justify spending. Almost. But not quite. Still a little too much for our cash-strapped budget. Besides, did I really deserve something that extravagant? I left it on the rack and wandered the rest of the store, looking for something a little more affordable.

My feet kept taking me back to the clothing rack, though. Finally, after trying on rings, fingering scarves, and draping inexpensive bags over my shoulder, I took the jacket off the hanger. I had to at least try it on.

"C ourage is fear that has said its prayers." ~Dorothy Bernard

30

When I gazed at myself in the mirror, I knew I couldn’t leave the store without owning this jacket. In a few hours, I would fly home, and this would be my only chance. I needed to take it home. It spoke to me. It made me feel at least a little like the fearless and artistic woman I dreamed of being. “Don’t bother putting it in the bag,” I said to the cashier, “I’ll wear it. I have an important meeting to go to and I need a little boost.” And then I nearly skipped out of the store.

A few days later, packing for another trip – this time a little closer to home – I put the colourful jacket into my suitcase. It was a little dressy for the staff retreat I’d be attending, but I didn’t care. I needed the boost of colour and boldness.

I didn’t wear it for the first two days. Neither of those days called for bold, bohemian, or sassy. Neither of those days challenged my perception of myself quite as much as the third day – the day when the other staff teams would go home and leave me alone to lead my team through some difficult and possibly painful discussions. It was the day that would surely put my longing for more courage to the test, the day I would test Rilke’s theory about the dragons really being princesses waiting for my love.

In the morning, I went for breakfast in my new jacket. “That’s quite the jacket. Looks a little like Joseph,” said one of my staff members. “Yup,” I said, “it’s my coat of many colours.” “You remember what happened to Joseph, don’t you?” he chuckled. “Yes, he grew to be a bold and powerful leader,” I said, straightening my shoulders a little. “Yeah, but long before that, he got thrown in a pit. Let’s just say he had some road bumps along the way.”

Road bumps. Yes, that seemed appropriate. This was the day for road bumps. Possibly even the day that I’d get thrown in the pit.

Later that morning, as we prepared for the hard work of the day ahead, I glanced around the room. The tension was tangible – you could read it in the way people sat.

None of us really wanted to be there. None of us trusted the other people in the room enough to believe that this day could have positive results. Though nobody was openly hostile, after years of treating each other with some measure of distrust and mild disdain, mixed in with a little unhealthy passive aggression, we weren’t bringing our best efforts to the table anymore. To call us a “team” was

z “Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage.” ~ Anais Nin

31

generous – we were more like a dysfunctional “group” working on the same things but not really pulling together. I couldn’t help but wonder how much of that I had responsibility for, as their leader. There were definitely other factors – like remote staff spread across the country, unique and sometimes challenging personalities, gender biases, age biases, etc. – but in the wee hours of the morning, when I carried the weight of self-doubt, I wondered what I could have done differently those five years to turn this around.

When the facilitator passed the figurative baton to me, I swallowed a gulp of air, and wrapped the jacket a little tighter around my chest. “I’m not sure where to start,” I said, “but I’ve been doing a little thinking, and I need to tell you about that. I’ve been thinking we have a bunch of great people on the team, but I’ve also been thinking we’re really suffering, and we’re not doing nearly enough to support each other. We’re sabotaging each other, we’re not trusting each other, and we’re not taking risks together. We have to do something about it.”

For the next half hour, I took a bold and vulnerable step and laid my heart on the table. I told them about my personal doubt about being an effective leader. I told them of the many times somebody had come to me to tell me of the hurt they were suffering because of another member of the team. I told them of the times we’d fallen far short of our potential because we weren’t working together. I told them if we didn’t change, we would cease to be relevant.

When I ended, the room was silent. I looked around at the faces to see what they would feed back to me. Would there be hostility? Hurt? Withdrawal? I had no idea what to anticipate.

After a few brief comments, the facilitator encouraged us to take a coffee break. I longed to run back to the shelter of my room. Instead I sipped tea and tried to make small talk while avoiding people’s eyes.

When we returned to the meeting room, there was almost an audible collective sigh as people settled into their chairs a little more comfortably than before. One by one, they began to open up. “I’m glad you said the things you did. It’s hard to hear, but we need to hear it to move on.” “I’d like to acknowledge that I have been hurt and I know that I have hurt others, but I want to try harder.” “I wish

“It’s the most unhappy people who most fear change.” - Mignon McLaughlin

32

that would surely put my longing for more courage to the test, the day I would test Rilke’s theory about the dragons really being princesses waiting for my love.

In the morning, I went for breakfast in my new jacket. “That’s quite the jacket. Looks a little like Joseph,” said one of my staff members. “Yup,” I said, “it’s my coat of many colours.” “You remember what happened to Joseph, don’t you?” he chuckled. “Yes, he grew to be a bold and powerful leader,” I said, straightening my shoulders a little. “Yeah, but long before that, he got thrown in a pit. Let’s just say he had some road bumps along the way.”

Road bumps. Yes, that seemed appropriate. This was the day for road bumps. Possibly even the day that I’d get thrown in the pit.

Later that morning, as we prepared for the hard work of the day ahead, I glanced around the room. The tension was tangible – you could read it in the way people sat.

None of us really wanted to be there. None of us trusted the other people in the room enough to believe that this day could have positive results. Though nobody was openly hostile, after years of treating each other with some measure of distrust and mild disdain, mixed in with a little unhealthy passive aggression, we weren’t bringing our best efforts to the table anymore. To call us a “team” was generous – we were more like a dysfunctional “group” working on the same things but not really pulling together. I couldn’t help but wonder how much of that I had responsibility for, as their leader. There were definitely other factors – like remote staff spread across the country, unique and sometimes challenging personalities, gender biases, age biases, etc. – but in the wee hours of the morning, when I carried the weight of self-doubt, I wondered what I could have done differently those five years to turn this around.

When the facilitator passed the figurative baton to me, I swallowed a gulp of air, and wrapped the jacket a little tighter around my chest. “I’m not sure where to start,” I said, “but I’ve been doing a little thinking, and I need to tell you about that. I’ve been thinking we have a bunch of great people on the team, but I’ve also been thinking we’re really suffering, and we’re not doing nearly enough to support

“Fear is a natural reaction to moving closer to the truth.” - Pema Chodron

33

each other. We’re sabotaging each other, we’re not trusting each other, and we’re not taking risks together. We have to do something about it.”

For the next half hour, I took a bold and vulnerable step and laid my heart on the table. I told them about my personal doubt about being an effective leader. I told them of the many times somebody had come to me to tell me of the hurt they were suffering because of another member of the team. I told them of the times we’d fallen far short of our potential because we weren’t working together. I told them if we didn’t change, we would cease to be relevant.

When I ended, the room was silent. I looked around at the faces to see what they would feed back to me. Would there be hostility? Hurt? Withdrawal? I had no idea what to anticipate.

After a few brief comments, the facilitator encouraged us to take a coffee break. I longed to run back to the shelter of my room. Instead I sipped tea and tried to make small talk while avoiding people’s eyes.

When we returned to the meeting room, there was almost an audible collective sigh as people settled into their chairs a little more comfortably than before. One by one, they began to open up. “I’m glad you said the things you did. It’s hard to hear, but we need to hear it to move on.” “I’d like to acknowledge that I have been hurt and I know that I have hurt others, but I want to try harder.” “I wish we could work on a greater level of trust and respect.” “I could do better work if I knew my team-mates were behind me.”

Throughout the day, there continued to be a gradual softening in people’s posture and their words. There were gentle but difficult truths offered up. There were risks taken. There was respect offered. There was accountability and positive challenge. All of these things had been lacking in our meetings up until that point. So many times we’d sat with the elephant in the room, all of us afraid to speak of it.

“Remember our rule of thumb: The more scared we are of a work or cal ling, the more sure we can be that we have to do it.” -Steven Pressfield

34

At the end of the day, I returned to my room weary but full. Full of the goodness I’d seen in people I’d stopped caring for and stopped trusting. Full of the respect I’d been given when I put myself out there in a raw and honest way. Full of the new light I’d begun to see in people’s eyes.

As I removed my colourful jacket, I wondered, “is this how Joseph felt when he was rescued from the pit and began a journey that would see him rise to more powerful leadership than he could have imagined?”

Facing that fear was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. It was harder than skydiving. Harder than traveling to the poorest, most dangerous region of Ethiopia. And harder than encountering a bear on a backpacking trail in the mountains.

The best thing about fear is that each time we move through it instead of avoiding it, we build our courage reserve. The next time I faced a conflict with people I lead I was more courageous because I hadn’t backed down the last time.

The next time you face fear, your first and most important task will be to sit in inquiry with it and examine what it is trying to tell you. Take out your journal and have a conversation with your fear. Is it a legitimate fear that is trying to keep you out of danger? Is it giving you useful information about where the risks are and where you should be more prepared? Does it have its basis in truth, or is it making up lies to keep you small? Is it rooted in an old story that you’ve been carrying around with you that really isn’t useful anymore?

“Openness doesn’t come from resisting our fears but from getting to know them wel l.” - Pema Chodron

35

Treat your fear like a friend who has come to warn you about something. Give it space, let it have its say, and then make an intentional choice whether you will heed its advice or make your own path despite the warning signs.

“We cannot escape fear. We can only transform it into a companion that accompanies us on al l our exciting adventures.” - Susan Jeffers

36

It is in the small things we see it.The child's first step,

as awesome as an earthquake.The first time you rode a bike,

wallowing up the sidewalk.The first spanking when your heart

went on a journey all alone.When they called you crybaby

or poor or fatty or crazyand made you into an alien,

you drank their acidand concealed it.

Later,if you faced the death of bombs and

bulletsyou did not do it with a banner,

you did it with only a hat tocover your heart.

You did not fondle the weakness inside you

though it was there.Your courage was a small coal

that you kept swallowing.If your buddy saved you

and died himself in so doing,then his courage was not courage,

it was love; love as simple as shaving soap.

Later,if you have endured a great despair,

then you did it alone,getting a transfusion from the fire,picking the scabs off your heart,then wringing it out like a sock.

Next, my kinsman, you powdered your sorrow,

you gave it a back ruband then you covered it with a blanket

and after it had slept a whileit woke to the wings of the roses

and was transformed.

Later,when you face old age and its natural

conclusionyour courage will still be shown in the

little ways,each spring will be a sword you'll

sharpen,those you love will live in a fever of

love,and you'll bargain with the calendar

and at the last momentwhen death opens the back dooryou'll put on your carpet slippers

and stride out.

CourageBy Anne Sexton

“When we al low ourselves to believe in the abundance of both the creative potential within us and the creative possibilities outside of us, we can f ind the confidence to work the edge of our comfort zone. And, as any explorer knows, the experience of life is both rich and

intense on the edge.” - Parker Palmer

Heather P lettwww.heatherplett.com

39

Facing your fear

Let’s make fear our friend. Let’s create a space where we can entertain it and listen to it rather than sending it away.

This week, build a little home for your fears. Using a cardboard box (such as a shoe box), create a playhouse for your fears. Cut out windows; glue in carpet; add curtains and wall art; and make tiny tables and chairs out of cardboard, thread spools or discarded plastic containers. Print out your favourite fear-related quote (the Rilke one about dragons and princesses would be a good one) and hang it on the wall.

Inside that little home, you’re going to entertain your fears. Each time a fear comes up, write it on a piece of paper and place it somewhere in this little home. You may want to make tiny people (cut them out of cardboard or use clay) to represent those fears.

While your fears are sitting in their little home, sit in inquiry with them. Ask them questions about why they’ve come and what they want to warn you about. Ask them about what stories from your past they need to resolve in order for them to feel safe. Allow them to speak, and then invite courage into the room to join the conversation.

Make a new person or cardboard cutout that represents courage and bring her into the room. Journal about what your courage wants to say to your fears.

Creative Process

40

Journal Prompts

1. I feel the most fear when I...

2. When fear shows up, I tend to...

3. Fear is usually a good indicator that...

4. In the past, I have responded to my fear by...

5. When I sit in inquiry with my fear instead of avoiding it, I find that...

6. In the future, I want to respond to my fear by...

" If you're wil ling to fail interestingly, you tend to succeed interestingly." - Edward Al bee

41

The first thing that intrigued me about Kate Swoboda was the fact that she refers to herself as Kate Courageous online. I am fond of courageous women, and so I was pretty sure I’d like her. I was right. Kate runs a site called Your Courageous Life. Practicing courage is her expertise. Teaching others how to powerfully work with fear is her vocation. She stands for righteous integrity and ferocious love, all in service to living life on your own terms and being a force for good. She doesn’t believe in “kicking fear to the curb” and speaks instead about embracing our fear and stepping forward in courage.

Quotes from Kate:“Fear is a completely natural experience, part of life and living. It comes up for us whenever we’re facing something new. Instead of putting energy into killing it or avoiding it, embrace it and step forward anyway. Once you embrace fear, you begin to feel it less intensely.”

Video link: https://vimeo.com/58632776 Password: mywildheart

Featured InterviewsA Conversation with

Kate Swoboda I first encountered Deborah Frieze when I read the book she co-wrote with Meg Wheatley called Walk Out Walk On. Not long afterward, I had the pleasure of participating in a leadership intensive workshop that Deborah taught based on five of the stories that are shared in the book, of communities from around the world that have walked out of unsolvable problems and destructive individualism and walked on to create the world they wished for. Deborah walked out of her own career as an executive in the high-tech industry, following her wild heart into work that sustained and energized her, supporting friends and colleagues around the world who are creating healthy and resilient communities.

Quotes from Deborah:“My work is an inquiry into what is a life well lived - a rhythm of learning and unlearning, walking out and walking on.”

Video link: https://vimeo.com/58643469 Password: mywildheart

A Conversation with

Deborah Frieze

Additional Resources:

For further inspiration on the topic of fear, the following books may be of interest:

Walk Out Walk On, by Deborah Frieze and Margaret Wheatley

The Places that Scare You, by Pema Chodron

Perseverance, by Margaret WheatleyThe Shadow Effect, by Deepak Chopra, Debbie Ford, and Marianne WilliamsonFinding Inner Courage, by Mark Nepo

Insecure at Last, by Eve Ensler

42

“Fear is the cheapest room in the house. I would like to see you living in better conditions.” - Hafiz

The accepted norms in our culture make us feel like we need to sterilize our lives and expunge ourselves of any messiness.

We base our corporate systems on logic and order, we rate our children based on graded tests and empirical evidence, we hide the messes of our lives behind white picket fences, and we build financial models that thrive on structure and linear growth. We pretend there is order in our lives even when there isn’t. We look for linear models for change and we create 5 step programs for our personal growth, hoping we can wrangle messiness into clean processes.

All of this has emerged out of the patriarchal model that has been our dominant paradigm for far too many years. Patriarchy is not comfortable with chaos or ambiguity. It creates hierarchical systems to try to master the chaos. It hides the mess so that it can pretend it doesn’t exist.

Patriarchy doesn’t resonate with our wild feminine hearts. Our wild hearts want to bleed, they want to dance, they want to sink into the chaos and let the beauty emerge out of it, they want to turn the mess into art. They don’t want to build clean corporate structures or hierarchal models for our communities. They know that too much order can strangle them. Nowhere is this desire to hide the mess more obvious than in the way we approach grief and pain. Grief is messy, but we want to believe there are five stages that we simply need to pass through to get to wholeness again. Clean, simple, and linear. Pain can be unbearable, so we over-medicate it instead of diving deeper into the source of the pain. Unhappiness is unpleasant, and so we cling to beliefs like the Law of Attraction or the Secret that convince us that if we only entertain positive thoughts and pretend to be happy, we will attract ease into our lives.

43

When the Wild Heart HurtsModule 2 - Lesson 10

The wild heart does not reside in a place of ease and inauthentic happiness. She does not avoid pain or grief. She does not pretend that her pleasant thoughts will change the outcome of the future.

She dives into mess. She feels pain deeply. She dances cheek-to-cheek with her grief.

She is wild, she is dangerous, she bleeds rich, dark blood, and she knows that grief is her greatest teacher.

A hurting friend/reader (I’ll call her Sarah) recently shared a story with me that made me both angry and sad. Sarah had recently lost a dear friend and was deep in the grief of that loss. She was also feeling the grief of our collective pain in tragedies such as what happened to those innocent children in Newtown. In addition, she was feeling physical tooth-related discomfort that was making it painful for her to smile, as well as other physical ailments.

Another friend of hers (that I don’t know) visited Sarah during that time. Believing she was with someone she could trust, Sarah shared her grief and expressed how lost and in pain she was feeling.

This friend of hers had a beautiful opportunity to enter the story with Sarah, to bear witness to her grief, and to light a candle of friendship and kindness in the middle of her pain. Instead, she did the opposite.

This friend was a staunch believer in the Law of Attraction. She believed that we attract positive things into our lives if we entertain positive thoughts and push away the negative ones. She began to attack Sarah, saying that she was attracting bad things into her life by getting mired in negativity and pain. She blamed her for being stuck in “victim thinking” and said that if she really wanted to, she could heal her tooth pain by repeating "my body and tooth is healed and healthy..I am, blah blah blah". She then accused Sarah of trying to infect her with her misery.

44

“It is not pain that has driven the West into emptiness; it has been the drowning of meaning in the oceans of our pleasures.” – Ravi Zacharias

My email back to Sara went like this:

“I have to be honest... my first response to your interaction with your friend is to feel anger. It makes me angry that she can't be present for you in your pain because she thinks you're ‘not attracting the right stuff’. That's just SO wrong and not any way to be a true friend.

“My second response is to feel sad for her. If she is so immersed in what I think is a flawed way of thinking, then she's doing a few things that are potentially quite harmful for her.

1. She's not allowing herself to have the gift of true friendship, the kind of friendship that is present in the pain and doesn't try to fix things or smooth over the icky parts.

2. She's putting herself in a position where, if anything bad actually happens to her, she's going to heap unnecessary guilt on herself because she'll believe she brought it on.

3. She's denying herself the gift of the whole range of feelings and emotions that we're MEANT to live through. Pain and hardship are actually good for her and if she forever blocks those things from her life, than she will damage her own spirit. Building resilience to be able to handle hard times is FAR better than trying to shut them out of your life.”

Pain is a necessary part of life. Without pain, we don’t pay attention to the times when our bodies need rest and healing. Without pain, we dull pleasure because we don’t have the benefit of the full range of human experience. Without pain, we rely on our own strength instead of learning to trust the Sacred.

Instead of running from pain, the wild heart opens herself to it. She leans into it and invites it to become her teacher. She feels it deeply and lets it change the very marrow of her bones.

There is scientific evidence that refutes the cultural norm that tells us to avoid pain. In a pain study Dr. Jon Kabat-Zinn revealed that those people who heal most quickly from pain are those who

“We delight in the Beauty of the butterf ly, but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that Beauty.” ~ Maya Angelou

45

allow themselves to feel it. “When our patients practice just dwelling in their pain, their relationship to that pain can change dramatically because they are embracing it for a change - not as ‘pain’ but as bare sensation, allowing it to be met exactly as it is, in awareness, even if it has a strong element of unpleasantness... rather than getting caught up in thinking about it and trying to make it go away. Often, without trying to fix anything, over time, the pain can diminish, sometimes quite dramatically.”

There is also evidence that a little disorder can actually make systems more effective. There’s a whole book written about the Perfect Mess.

We need the mess, the pain and the grief.

This I know from the journeys I’ve already taken through grief… There are no “stages of grief”. There is no easy way through this. There is no “closure”. And time doesn’t heal all wounds. We each have to find our path through this difficult, life-changing time, and no outsider can offer words that will magically resolve all of the hurt and fear. It’s just the way it is and it can’t be fixed by simple solutions.

What we overlook when we try too hard to fix things or rush to a solution is that there is much to be gained from healthy grief. Grief has always been my greatest teacher. Grief has taught me the importance of love in my life. It has taught me how to prioritize and let go of what doesn’t serve me. It has helped me find new meaning in the world around me. It has helped me connect in a deeper way to

“Most of us arrive at a sense of self and vocation only after a long journey through alien lands. But this journey bears no resemblance to the trouble-free travel packages sold by the tourism industry. It is more akin to the

ancient tradition of pilgrimage - a transformative journey to a sacred centre” ful l of hardships, darkness, and peril.” - Parker Palmer

46

the cycles of life I see in nature. It has deepened my faith. It has strengthened my relationships and given me new friendships. It has improved and deepened my writing and teaching. It has even changed the course of my career.

Grief, like winter, needs to run its course so that new things can grow when the season changes.

Imagine if we tried to “fix” winter like we try to fix grief. Imagine if we tried to rush the seasons – turned on giant heaters to chase away the snow and cold – and didn’t allow the trees to have the dormant time they need, or the seeds to properly germinate under the soil. We would destroy the natural cycle of things. Like a butterfly that’s plucked out of the chrysalis before it’s ready, the trees would shrivel up and die, the seeds would fail to grow viable grain, and the animals (and people) would die of starvation.

Lean into your grief. Feel your pain. Sit down in the mess. Breathe in the darkness that threatens to swallow you.

The darkness will not destroy you. It will teach you and change you. Light is so much more stunning when you know what darkness looks like.

Here’s what I’ve learned about navigating in the dark: (These are not “ten easy steps” but instead “nine hard, but light-bearing truths”.)

z " If you f lee from pain and failure, then you run into them everywhere you go. If you can f ind some way to open to them instead, then they may

bring their hands from behind their backs and lay f lowers on your bed." -Barbara Brown Taylor.

47

1. You can survive more than you think you can. You’ll hit what you’re sure is rock bottom, and you’ll think “I can’t possibly live through one more hardship”, and then rock bottom will be taken away from you and you’ll be falling again, to a new bottom. You can survive it. Trust the Source of your strength, the God of your understanding, and the strength you need will show up.

2. You can fall apart, but that doesn’t mean you’ll be permanently broken. In the cycle of life, deconstruction has to happen before construction can begin. The falling apart is necessary – let it happen. Don’t try too hard to hold yourself together. Old patterns need to die (painful but true) before new patterns can emerge. Think of the seed that needs to crack open for a tree to grow. Yes, it’s painful for that seed, but if it doesn’t crack open, it withholds life.

3. Your greatest enemy is the shame of what you’re trying to hide from the world. Shame will cause you to do unhealthy things just to maintain your reputation as a “pulled-together” person. Let go of your image of a pulled-together person and practice letting go of the shame. I say “practice”, because it takes time, effort, and some pretty deep personal work to recognize the shame and gradually let it go.

4. Let go of any illusion you have that you are in control of what happens.  There are many in the self-help world who will tell you that your thoughts attract what comes to you in your life, but if you believe that when hard times come your way, you will be side-swiped by self-hatred in the middle of your grief. You didn’t bring this on. The best you can do is live through it with some measure of grace. And if you don’t always feel full of grace, forgive yourself for that. Let the grace come from some other Source than you.

5. As any white-water rafter will tell you, your safest bet is to surrender to the waves and stay vigilant for the rocks and whirlpools. Let the grief happen. Ride it out and do what you can to guide your boat between the rocks, but don’t try to resist it. You can’t stop the river, so you might as well ride with it and trust that it will eventually take you to a place of calm. Embrace the word “surrender”.

6. Search for the points of light. Pay attention to those moments when the sunset is particularly stunning, your friend shows up at just the right moment, a breeze kisses your cheek, you’re drawn to a blog post that was just what you needed to read right now, or someone offers to take over a

“Happiness is beneficial for the body, but it is grief that develops the powers of the mind.” - Marcel Proust

48

task that’s become too difficult for you. Each point of light is God shining through the darkness. Those tiny points of light will guide you through the darkness until you see the dawn again.

7. Trust that this hardship is a deepening of your spiritual journey. Everyone wants an easy path to enlightenment, but nobody gets it. As Caroline Myss reminds us in Sacred Contracts, all of the leaders of the world’s major religions – Jesus, Muhammed, and the Buddha – had to go through times of testing before they could be commissioned into their roles as teachers. Your hardships will deepen your work and take you further into your calling. This I know from personal experience. I would not be doing the work I’m doing today if I hadn’t gone through the loss of my son.

8. Reach for other people in the dark. There are people who want to walk with you through this dark place. There are people who can help you see the light. It’s okay to reach for them. You don’t need to do this alone. Darkness is easier to navigate if you find someone holding a flashlight.

9. Life won’t always be this hard. When you’re down there at rock bottom and you haven’t seen a pinpoint of light for weeks, you’re going to become convinced that this is all there is to life and you’ll never be free of the pain. I’m not going to tell you that it’s easy or that you have to have faith. I’m simply going to tell you that there will be light again. And the light will have a deeper, richer shine to it than anything you’ve ever seen before.

Lean in. Feel the pain. Your wild heart will guide you through.

“Yes, it’s uncomfortable to feel lost. But you won’t f ind magic on the highways on the map. Your true destiny is on a dirt road only you can name. Maybe you don’t feel like you know where you’re going. But at least you’re daring the truth. It’s worse to have a label, a place, a certainty that you

know is never going to be yours.” - Tama J. Kieves

49

Our great goal in life is to love. The rest is silence.

We need to love.Even when it leads us to the land where the lakes are made of

tears, to that secret, mysterious place, the land of tears!

Tears speak for themselves. And when we feel that we have cried all we needed to cry, they still continue to flow.

But when we believe that our life is destined to be a long walk through the Vale of Sorrows, the tears suddenly vanish.

Because we managed to keep our heart open, despite the pain.Because we realised that the person who left us did not take the

sun with them or leave darkness in their place.They simply left, and with every farewell comes a hidden hope.

It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.

Tears speak for themselvesBy Paulo Coelho

“What if your blessings come through raindrops?What if your healing comes through tears?And what if a thousand sleepless nightsAre what it takes to know You’re near?

And what if trials of this life are your mercies in disguise?” - Laura Story

Heather P lettwww.heatherplett.com

52

The lament mandala

I like the word lament. I think we have lost something by letting it slip mostly out of our vocabulary. According to dictionary.com, a lament is “a formal expression of sorrow or mourning, especially in verse or song: an elegy or dirge”. Laments allow us to sit in our pain and grief and they never try to tie it up with pretty bows or gloss over it with positive thoughts. Sure it would be unhealthy to get stuck in lament, but if we use them well, laments can offer release and healing.

This week, reclaim the word lament. Give yourself permission to write the sadness on the pages of your journal, and perhaps even write a lament poem or song.

To start reclaiming the word, create a lament mandala.• Begin with a large circle on a page. • Write the word “lament” in the centre of the circle - (or use grief, pain,

lament, loss - whatever suits your current journey)• At the edge of the circle, begin drawing a meandering path throughout

the circle, stopping to write whatever words, questions, etc. show up related to your word and/or circumstance.

• If you wish, shade the circle in a shade that fits the feeling that this evokes in you.

Note: The first time I did this exercise, I realized at the end that a shift had happened and I was ready for a more hopeful mandala. For the second one, I wrote “growth” in the centre. Allow whatever emerges for you to be the right thing.

Creative Process

53

Journal Prompts

1. The word grief makes me feel...

2. When I’m in grief/pain/struggle, I feel like I need to...

3. When I get lost in grief, I am afraid that...

4. When I really let myself feel the pain I...

5. The word lament allows me to...

6. Grief teaches me that...

“The darker the night, the brighter the stars, The deeper the grief, the closer is God!”

- Fyodor Dostoevsky

54

Cath Duncan has a deep and wise heart and I knew I had found a place of safety with her from the first time I encountered her. What first bonded Cath and I was our shared stories of baby-loss. When she lost little Juggernaut, I shared with her my own story of losing Matthew and then discovering, in the 12 years since, how much he still has to teach me. When Cath decided to honour Juggernaut by walking 100 kilometres for the Kidney March, I knew I wanted to walk with her. Together we went through three days of excruciating pain and exhaustion, and that created a bond between us that has grown since. Cath now serves as a grief coach and has co-created a Creative Grief Coaching certification program for people who want to explore the emerging field of grief and creativity.

Quote from Cath: “Everyone’s journey and needs are unique and your heart, mind and body already know how to grief and heal naturally.”

Video link: https://vimeo.com/59109133 Password: mywildheart

Featured InterviewA Conversation with

Cath Duncan

Additional Resources:

For further inspiration on the topic of grief, the following books may be of interest:

Broken Open, by Elizabeth Lesser

When Things Fall Apart, by Pema Chodron

A Grief Observed, by C.S. Lewis

Man’s Search for Meaning, by Victor Frankl

The Year of Magical Thinking, by Joan Didion

55

“Grief can be a burden, but also an anchor. You get used to the weight, how it holds you in place.” - Sarah Dessen

This is the lesson I’ve struggled with the most so far. “How can I teach people to trust their own intuition?” was the question that kept popping up in my head. “How can I help them discern the wild-hearted, intuitive voices from the voices of fear and resistance?”

Not surprisingly, those voices were followed by the impostor voice that said “What right do you have to teach about something as lofty as the intuition? That’s not your territory. You don’t have the right or the skills.”

I kept thinking I needed to find the right book, talk to the right guru, learn the right language... and so on, and so on... before I could offer you any wisdom on the subject.

All those long internal conversations later, I realized the irony of what was going on. I was having trouble trusting my own intuition on how to teach about intuition. I was falling into the trap of assuming I needed someone with more wisdom to do the task. Funny games the mind plays, right?

That’s what we all do, time and time again. We hear something calling to us, we feel the ache in our body to follow some passion, we witness the “wild animal of our body loving what it loves”, and yet we deny those tugs because we don’t trust ourselves to know what’s right. We only trust the “experts” when the only one with real expertise about what’s right for us is ourselves (and whatever Divine Source guides us).

The following quote stopped me in my tracks as I was wrestling with this lesson...

56

Renewing Trust in Your IntuitionModule 2 - Lesson 11

“Knowledge and wisdom did not originate with me; I merely moved into a river of understanding that was flowing from the Creator and had flowed through many others before me.” – Ray Aldred, Cree Nations theologian

This is not about me and it’s not about you. Our wild hearts are not acting in isolation. Our intuition does not come from our own isolated, self-sufficient brains. We can let go of that pressure to be smart and right and capable. We just need to learn to listen.

This is about “moving into the river of understanding that was flowing from the Creator and had flowed through many others before me.”

Bingo! I don’t have to teach you how to trust your intuition! I simply have to teach you to step into that river and trust the flow!

So, this morning, after listening to my own voices for far too long and getting impossibly stuck every time I sat down to write this lesson, I paused, mid-internal-conversation. I sat down on the floor of my bedroom and committed to five minutes of simply being in the flow of that river, listening to the wisdom that was flowing through me. As I’ve been taught in mindfulness practice, I didn’t try to stop my thoughts, I simply labeled them “thinking” and let them pass without judgement or attachment. I cleared the space in my head for what really wanted to be said without the noise of the gremlins. And then I got up and started writing.

This lesson is what’s flowing out of those minutes of silence I found on my bedroom floor. THAT is where intuition comes from - the silence, the moments when we pause to invite in the Sacred, the times when we block out the voice of “reason” and are simply present and mindful, the moments in the “river of understanding” when something bigger than us shows up to speak through us.

57

“You have to leave the city of your comfort and go into the wilderness of your intuition”. - Alan Alda

From Wikipedia: Intuition is the ability to acquire knowledge without inference and/or the use of reason. The word “intuition” comes from the Latin word “intueri” which is usually translated as “to look inside” or “to contemplate”.

You don’t need a course in “how to trust your intuition”. You don’t need to read a book or consult a guru. You simply need to learn to be silent for awhile so that your wild heart - the Sacred voice inside you - can be heard above the din.

Not long ago, I lead a women’s leadership group through a change process called Theory U. (I wrote about it in this blog post.) It’s the kind of process that can at first seem quite complex (I have a book that’s two inches thick that explains it in detail and have taken a week-long course to try to internalize it), but when you boil it down to its essence, it is brilliantly simple. After teaching it a couple of times, I realized that it is one of the most beautiful ways I know of explaining the intuitive process.

In most change processes we learn in leadership classes or organizational behaviour workshops, we are taught to try to find a direct path from challenge to solution. We do this through brainstorming processes and group decision-making processes that are meant to bring efficiency into our workplaces. I’ve participated in and taught many of those workshops. I’m on an email list for a local leadership training organization, and I have been struck by how many courses they teach on things like “lean-thinking” and “efficiency”. These are the ways of the business models our capitalist culture has been built on. Get it done quickly, efficiently, and at a low cost - that’s the mantra of most organizations. We have been good students of the Industrial Revolution.

We don’t always realize how much our corporate models impact our internal lives. The corporate world is based on efficiency, mechanization, and consumption, and so we model our schools, our health care, and our communities on similar models AND, in turn, we get stuck in the trap of believing that we, too, need to be efficient and mechanized and cost effective. We rush through major decisions, ignore our intuition, ignore the path less traveled, and assume there must be something wrong with us if we get sick or disheartened in the process.

“Every time you don’t fol low your inner guidance, you feel a loss of energy, loss of power, a sense of spiritual deadness.” - Shakti Gawain

58

Following your wild heart is about stepping away from all of that clutter and the well-worn path of efficiency and industry.

Following your wild heart is about seeking the silence so that our true voices can be heard.

Following your wild heart is about taking a deep dive into your own internal guidance, rather than following the crowd to the easiest solution.

That’s where Theory U comes in. Instead of moving directly from challenge to solution, Theory U takes a detour into the heart and into the unknown.

Instead of trying to direct change and “be the boss of me”, we host what is wanting to be born. Instead of trying to control, we “let go” and “let come”. Instead of expecting the future to look like the past with just a few tweaks, we invite a new future to spiral up out of the brokenness of the past.

In Theory U there are three main parts – sensing, presencing and realizing. In the Sensing phase, we are invited to use all of our senses to witness what is present. We are invited to suspend our judgements, opinions, and assumptions, and to use our eyes and ears and the feeling of our bodies to sense into whatever the context is. We host conversations, we ask good questions, we listen deeply,

“There are moments in our lives, there are moments in a day, when we seem to see beyond the usual. Such are the moments of our greatest happiness. Such are

the moments of our greatest wisdom. If one could but recal l his vision by some sort of sign. It was in this hope that the arts were invented. Sign-posts on the way

to what may be. Sign-posts toward greater knowledge.” -Robert Henri

59Image by Shirley Keeton

we watch with full attention, and we notice how our bodies feel. Essentially, we are taking the first step into that “river of understanding” that Ray Aldred spoke of.

In the Presencing phase, we are invited into the inner work of grounding ourselves in our bodies and paying attention to what is emerging. The word “presencing” comes from a combination of “pre-sensing” the future and being “present” in what is and what wants to be.

This is the place where our intuition speaks to us. We listen into the space and, instead of trying to control the future, we learn from the future as it emerges. We let go of our expertise, our experience, and even the voices of the experts. We take as much time as we need for retreat and reflection. The best place for presencing is outside in nature where we ground ourselves in the earth and lean into the trees. Presencing is about finding the stillness, letting go of the limiting thoughts, the judgement and the attachment, and learning to trust the voice that is whispering inside us.

We don’t need anyone to tell us how to be in Presencing. This is a place of deep trust in who we are and what we have been called into. It’s a place where the Sacred speaks to us through the trees, through the sunlight on our skin, through the ache in our bodies, through the snowflakes, and through the whispers in the breeze. This is the place of surrender.

“It may just be that part of the process of moving through the bottom of the U is becoming aware of the incredible beauty of life itself, of becoming re-enchanted with the world.

“Presencing opens and connects you with a larger, underlying field that goes beyond what exists now and opens up this great power and beauty.” - Joseph Jaworski (from the book Presence)

z “We capitalists have a long and crippling legacy of believing in the power of external realities much more deeply than we believe in the power of

the inner life.” - Parker Palmer

60

Once you are ready to move out of Presencing (and only you know when you’re ready), you step into Realizing. In this phase – on the upward movement out of the U – we “let come” what wants to emerge. We bring insights, sparks of inspiration, and crystals of ideas into prototypes. We move into action quickly and create small projects that can move the vision forward. We build things not based on what’s been done in the past but what wants to exist in the future. Once again, trust is crucial as we turn away from the voices that want to stop us and move forward to what we know to be right and good.

One word of caution - even though you’ve been to the bottom of the U and you’re sure you’re aligned with what wants to come, doesn’t mean that you won’t face failure or that you won’t be called back into another, deeper U. In the Realizing stage, we begin to prototype, but some of those prototypes will fail and we will have further learning to do. The U is not a linear process and may actually be a series of U’s that take us into new deep dives. “Often we learn what is emerging only as we move into action. The key is to act and remain open.” - Christopher Bache

This is the journey of the wild heart - deep into the bottom of the U (or the series of U’s) - letting go of what once was, letting go of our assumptions, our past, our “voices of reason”, and letting go of what the experts tell us. On the way into the U, we use our senses and our bodies to guide us and teach us. At the bottom of the U, we sit in mindfulness and deep presence. We listen to nature, we let the voice of the Sacred speak through the stillness, and we open our minds, hearts, and wills to the future that wants to

61Image by Shirley Keeton

emerge. Then, when we are ready, we begin the journey out of the U, letting come what wants to be born.

The future is realized, but not because we forced it or we brainstormed it into being. The future emerges because we hosted it into being. We served as midwives for the coming of something new.

A journey into the bottom of the U is like a journey through the labyrinth. On the way in, we release our worries, our tensions, and the assumption that we are in control of what’s going on. At the centre of the labyrinth, we receive, standing in the presence of the Divine, allowing ourselves to be blessed with what she wants to give us. As we leave the labyrinth, we return into the world, bringing with us whatever we received so that we can move into the calling that awaits us.

This is the journey to your intuition. I can not teach you how to trust your intuition, because it is your own journey, and you can only learn to listen if you can learn to be silent and listen to the truth that wants to come.

Remember this... The loud voices are rarely the most truthful or the closest to our hearts. The loud voices are the ones that arise out of fear and a desperate need to force themselves onto your consciousness.

The silent voices are the closest to your wild heart, and you will only hear them if you learn to be silent. You will only hear them if you allow yourself the deep dive into the bottom of the U.

Don’t be afraid to trust the journey. Don’t be afraid to sit in silence. It will all be worth it.

“The only change that wil l make a difference is the transformation of the human heart. For me, it’s almost like learning to see with the heart.”

- Joseph Jaworski

62

The JourneyBy Mary Oliver

One day you finally knewwhat you had to do, and

began,though the voices around you

kept shoutingtheir bad advice—

though the whole housebegan to tremble

and you felt the old tugat your ankles."Mend my life!"

each voice cried.But you didn't stop.

You knew what you had to do,though the wind pried

with its stiff fingersat the very foundations,though their melancholy

was terrible.It was already late

enough, and a wild night,and the road full of fallen

branches and stones.But little by little,

as you left their voices behind,

the stars began to burnthrough the sheets of clouds,

and there was a new voicewhich you slowly

recognized as your own,that kept you company

as you strode deeper and deeper

into the world,determined to do

the only thing you could do—determined to save

the only life you could save.

Heather P lettwww.heatherplett.com

“Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other

people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to fol low your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly

want to become. Everything else is secondary.”- Steve Jobs

65

Embracing the U

This week, embrace the U in your creative process. Take a deep dive into the unknown and into your heart. (See the U diagram on the next page for inspiration and a little more detail about the journey through the process.)

Begin with a large sheet of paper. Draw a large U on it, nearly filling the page. At the left top of the U, write down the things you’re leaving behind, the things that no longer serve you.

As you move down the left side of the U, write down the things you are doing or want to do in your own journey to sense into what is and what wants to come - the conversations you want to have, the explorations you want to do, the questions you want to explore. (You can use a different coloured marker for each part of this if you wish.)

At the bottom of the U, indicate the things you’ve been doing or want to do in the presencing stage. These are the things that reconnect you to your heart and your inner wisdom, whether it’s sitting in nature, dancing, meditation, etc.

If you feel that you are on your way up out of the U, you can continue, writing what you are “letting come” on the upward journey - the things that you are prototyping and dreaming into being. If you haven’t reached that stage yet, just leave it blank until you’re ready for it.

Creative Process

67

Journal PromptsIf Theory U resonates for you and you want to take your journaling deeper, you can find an intensive U journaling process at this link.

1. My intuition is...

2. I trust my intuition when...

3. I have trouble trusting my intuition when...

4. I try to do the following things to allow myself to hear the voice of my intuition...

5. In the past, when I have followed my intuition, I...

6. I am currently at the following stage of the U journey...

“What I am actual ly saying is that we need to be wil ling to let our intuition guide us, and then be wil ling to fol low that guidance directly and

fearlessly.” - Shakti Gawain

68

I fell in love with Ann-Marie Boudreau this past summer at the women’s gathering that I co-hosted in Peterborough, Ontario. The first things you notice about Ann-Marie are her twinkling eyes and her beautiful, resonant voice. At the gathering, Ann-Marie led us in all kinds of playful music-making and movement, and each time she did, she’d pull out another intriguing instrument none of us had ever seen before. Ann-Marie is a sound practitioner and psychotherapist. Her mission is working with communities and individuals to enable them on their personal journeys toward self-realization and fulfillment. As a multi-instrumentalist and improvisational vocalist she is adept at performing on a wide range of instruments, the sitar and harp being unique to her repertoire. She facilitates a wide variety of sound-related, interactive and experiential workshops that invite the inner child out to play.

Video link: https://vimeo.com/59687801 Password: mywildheart

Featured InterviewsA Conversation with

Ann-Marie Boudreau The first thing that comes to mind when I think of Hiro Boga is the word kindness. She exudes it. Every encounter I’ve ever had with her has been one of genuine, openhearted kindness. She believes that each and every one of us is a sacred gift and that our presence is vital to the wellbeing and evolution of our world. She works with passionate people who are working to create the lives and businesses they truly desire. All of her work is anchored in a very simple, grounded premise: organic business growth flows from deep inner growth and harmony.

Note: Hiro’s interview is audio rather than video.

Audio link: http://heatherplett.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/Hiro-Boga.mp3

A Conversation with

Hiro Boga

Additional Resources:

For further inspiration on the topic of intuition, the following books may be of interest:

Theory U; Leading from the Future as it Emerges, by Otto Scharmer

Presence; Human Purpose and the Field of the Future, by Peter Senge, Otto Scharmer, Joseph Jaworski, and Betty Sue Flowers

The Naked Now; Learning to See as the Mystics See, by Richard Rohr

Blink; the Power of Thinking without Thinking, by Malcolm Gladwell

The Intuitive Body; Discovering the Wisdom of Conscious Embodiment and Aikido, by Wendy Palmer

69

" The sense of wonder, that is our sixth sense." D.H. Lawrence

Image by Shirley Keeton

Pause & Ref lectIt’s time, once again, to pause and reflect. It’s time to let the learning of the past 12 weeks settle into your heart.

We’ve covered a lot of ground so far. It’s been a big journey, first returning to our wild hearts (module 1) and then learning to let our wild hearts lead us (module 2). In the first module, we accepted the invitation our wild hearts extended to us, we excavated the shame stories and the blockages that got in the way, we explored the place of play in our wild-hearted lives, we considered what it meant to surrender to our wild hearts, and then we dug into our authentic spirituality.

When we were ready to be lead by our wild hearts, we started the second module by talking about creativity (lesson 7). We questioned the stories we were telling ourselves about not being good enough, not being talented enough, not having the right material, not being worthy, and not having enough time. We considered how it might change us if we committed to the belief that creativity is essential for living an authentic, wild-hearted life. Our creative practice was to go on an Artist’s Date (have you done that yet?) and to try some creative practice we hadn’t experimented with before.

70

Module 2 - Lesson 12

In lesson 8, we explored our wild-hearted love. We reflected on what it would mean to let the “soft animal of our body love what it loves”. We dared to love boldly and authentically, even if that means taking a risk and getting hurt. Although we might be labeled as “too touchy-feely” for some, we knew that we had little choice but to let our wild hearts lead us into loving the world around us in big, bold ways.

Lesson 9 took us on a journey through our fear. We considered the disguises fear uses to nudge us off the path we’re on - anger, resistance, distraction, unworthiness. We realized that fear can be a useful teacher for us if we learn to honour it and sit in inquiry over what it’s trying to tell us. The best thing about fear is that each time we move through it instead of avoiding it, we build our courage reserve. Our creative process was to build a little home for our fears where we could entertain them and let them teach us.

In Lesson 10 we took a closer look at grief. We realized that our wild hearts do not want to run from grief, but instead they want to dive into the depth of it, learn from it, let it change us, and emerge stronger and more resilient. We remembered that a butterfly cannot emerge from the chrysalis unless the caterpillar is willing to surrender to the gooey mess of transformation. We were reminded that those who heal most quickly from pain are those who let themselves truly feel it.

Lesson 11 re-introduced us to our intuition. We considered that our intuitive senses did not originate with us, but that we were “moving into the river of understanding that was flowing from the Creator and had flowed through many others before us.” We remembered that we could be most in touch with our intuition when we took the time to be silent. Our true voices aren’t the loud voices - they’re the quiet voices that show up when we listen most intently.

This journey to your wild heart may be taking you to deeper places than you’ve ever gone before. This can be scary. It can feel like you’ve sailed out to sea without a map and without an anchor.

Give yourself time to honour this feeling. Remember to commit yourself to self care. You wouldn’t go on a literal journey without stopping occasionally to sleep, pee, eat, stretch, or take a walk. Neither should you go on this kind of journey without looking after your body, mind, and soul.

The third module will take us even deeper and challenge us in even greater ways. This will be the culmination of the journey - the final path that takes us into the kind of leadership that our wild hearts call us into. It may be scary, but it will also be exciting and life-giving as it helps us get closer and closer to our calling. We will play with new definitions of “leader” and we will consider what it means to lead with our wild hearts.

71

“Knowing how to be solitary is central to the art of loving. When we can be alone, we can be with others without using them as a means of

escape.” - Bel l Hooks

It’s time to prepare for the next part of your journey. Find time this week to pause, to play, and to honour the work that you’ve done. Take a day off and go on that Artist’s Date you’ve been meaning to take for a few weeks now. Pick up your paint brushes. Go dancing. Do something that helps you feel free of the worries, fear, and resistance that get in the way when you think too much.

Put down your figurative backpack. Take off your hiking shoes. Take a long, slow sip of water. Dig your toes into the sand. Turn your face toward the sun. Rub your journey-weary muscles.

Rest. Relax. Replenish.

Practice mindfulness this week. Be present for whatever you’re experiencing. Notice the curve of the snow, the lines on the leaf, the colour of the sky. Bear witness to the sadness, the pleasure, the pain, and the ease. Be fully alive and fully present.

And then when you’re ready, we’ll step back onto the path.“If we don't change, we don't grow. If we don't grow, we aren't real ly living.” ~Gail Sheehy

72

“Seasons is a wise metaphor for the movement of life, I think. It suggests that life is neither a battlef ield nor a game of chance

but something inf initely richer, more promising, more real. The notion that our lives are like the eternal cycle of the seasons

does not deny the struggle or the joy, the loss or the gain, the darkness or the light, but encourages us to embrace it al l - and

to f ind in al l of it opportunities for growth.”Parker Palmer, Let your Life Speak

Heather P lettwww.heatherplett.com

74

Reflection mandalaAfter the first module, you were invited to create a reflection mandala focused on the themes of the first 5 lessons. Let’s do the same with the second module.

Start with a large circle on a square piece of paper. At the centre of the circle, draw a heart and in it write “My wild heart”. Divide the space outside of the heart into 5 equal pie pieces.

In each of the pie pieces, write a key word for each lesson: creativity, love, fear, grief, and intuition.

In each pie piece, add any thoughts that come to mind that reflect the learnings from that session. If you did any journaling during that week, you may want to go back and see what jumps out at you.

In addition to the words, you can add images (cut from magazines, or hand drawn) that reflect your learning and/or your commitments in each area. Feel free to add colour and design as well.

Creative Process

75

Journal Prompts

1. I feel like I am getting closer to...

2. One of the things I am learning (or re-learning) about myself is...

3. I am becoming more intentional about self-care by...

4. I am still resistant to...

5. I want to...

6. I am committed to...

“Knowing yourself is the beginning of al l wisdom.” - Aristotle

76

Jennifer Louden is exuberant, generous, and wild-hearted. She’s got a long list of accomplishments (including six published books that sold in the millions, and an appearance on Oprah), and yet she is one of the most approachable people I know. I’ve had the pleasure of chatting with her several times, and I’ve learned a lot from her, especially through Teach Now, an online program for teachers who want to “love the world into wholeness”. Her books are all about how to create a life of wholeness, based on self-kindness and self-acceptance. She leads retreats, coaches, and encourages women to “Savor and Serve”.

Quotes from Jen:“Trying to be present and actually BEING present are two different things.”

“I want to savor my life, and I want to serve, because... How can I not? There doesn’t seem to be a choice.”

Video link: https://vimeo.com/60128616 Password: mywildheart

Featured InterviewA Conversation with

Jennifer Louden

Unless otherwise attributed,All content and images are the property

of Heather Plett.www.heatherplett.com

Without written permission, resale of any content herein is prohibited.

If you wish to make copies of or distribute any of the content, please contact heather@heatherplett.com.

With proper attribution, you’re welcome to quote sections of this document.

Thank you!