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Laughs&Lifts is an outreach ministry to inspire, inform and entertain the reader. Any

resemblance contained within this publication to some one or some thing is purely

coincidental and not intended to bring harm or insult to anyone. Information, stories,

helpful hints, jokes, studies and all other miscellaneous writings, drawings, and pictures

are published without malice, but with the intent to inspire and entertain, not to cause

disillusionment or confusion to anyone; person, party affiliation, company, denomination or

other named or unnamed entity. The writings contained within Laughs&Lifts do not

necessarily reflect the views or opinions of the publisher.

Parrish Publishing P.O. Box 681 Ozark, Al 36361 334-379-7603 laughsandlifts@live.com

ASKING FOR DIRECTIONS

A Swiss man, looking for directions,pulls up at a bus stop where twoAmericans are waiting.“Entschuldigung, koennen SieDeutsch sprechen?” he asks. Thetwo Americans just stare at him.“Excusez-moi, parlez vous Fracais?”he tries. The two continue to stare.“Parlare Italiano?” No response.“Hablan ustedes Espanol?” Stillnothing. The Swiss guy drives off,extremely disgusted. The firstAmerican turns to the second andsays, “Y’know, maybe we shouldlearn a foreign language.” “Why?”says the other. “That guy knew fourlanguages, and it didn’t do him anygood.”

A Police Recruitwas asked during the exam, "Whatwould you do if youhad to arrest your own mother?"He said: "Call for backup."

Blonde Burglary

Returning home from work, ablonde was shocked to find herhouseransacked and burglarized. Shetelephoned the police at once andreported the crime. The policedispatcher broadcast the call onthe radio, and a K-9 unit,patrolling nearby, was the first torespond.As the K-9 officer approached thehouse with his dog on a leash, theblonde ran out on the porch,shuddered at the sight of the copand his dog, then sat down on thesteps. Putting her face in herhands, she moaned, 'I come hometo find all my possessions stolen.I call the police for help, and whatdo they do?

They send me a BLIND policeman!'

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The Painter

There was a painter by the nameof Jock, who was very interestedin making a penny where hecould, so he often would thin hispaint to make it go further.

As it happened, he got away withthis for some time, buteventually the Church decided todo a big restoration job thatinvolved the painting of one ofits biggest churches. Jock put ina bid, and because his price wasso low, he got the job.

He went about erecting thetrestles and setting up theplanks, and buying the paint and,yes, thinning it down with theturpentine. Jock was up on thescaffolding, painting away withthe job nearly completed, whensuddenly there was a horrendousclap of thunder, and the skyopened.

The torrential rain washed thethinned paint off the church andknocked Jock off the scaffold andon to the lawn, among thegravestones, surrounded bytelltale puddles of the thinnedand useless paint.

Jock was no fool. He knew thiswas a judgment from theAlmighty, so he got on his kneesand cried: "Oh, God! Forgive me!What should I do?"

And from the thunder, a mightyvoice spoke...

Repaint! Repaint!

And thin no more!

LaughsLaughs&&LiftsLifts SubscriptionsSubscriptions1 Year Volume Discounts

1 subscription $30 • 2-5 subscriptions $25 ea. • 5 or more $20 ea.

Start a subscription for yourself, your church staff, soldiers, or prisoners.What could be a better Birthday or Christmas Gift for your friends.

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1000 NEW Subscriptions Before Christmas.Make checks payable to Parrish Publishing and mail to:

P.O. Box 681 Ozark, Alabama 36361

A woman reported thedisappearance of her husband tothe police. The officer in chargelooked at the photograph she

handed him, questioned her, andthen asked if she wished to giveher husband any message if they

found him."Yes," she quickly replied. "Tell

him...Mother didn't come after all."

Attractive GirlA young woman, extraordinarilyattractive in personality, characterand presentation, was sufferingfrom a illness that made her lipscracked and sore. The slightestmovement of her mouth causedpain and embarrassment. Hercondition, though not cured, wassomewhat relieved by theapplication of a prescriptionmedication from her physician.

The instructions on the prescriptionwere to apply the medication oncea day, but the young woman foundthat more frequent applicationswere palatable and effective. Afterexhausting her supply, shereturned to the doctor's office foranother one. The receptionistannounced to the returning patientto the doctor:

"It's the super gal with the fragilelips expecting extra doses."

"Purpose: Find your aimin life before you run out

of ammunition."

Failure is never final

Success is neverending, failure is

never final.

- Dr Robert Schuller

Alignment Chiropractic1550 Andrews Avenue

Ozark, Alabama 334-445-2525

Dr. Michael Talley,Chiropractic Physician

PAINIS NOT NORMAL

“Choose the path to health,and enjoy the ride.”

Lawyer at the Pearly Gates

A prominent young attorney was on his way to court to beginarguments on a complex lawsuit when he suddenly found himselfat the Gates of Heaven. St. Peter started to escort him inside, when he began to protestthat his untimely death had to be some sort of mistake. "I'm muchtoo young to die! I'm only 35!" St. Peter agreed that 35 did seem to be a bit young to be enteringthe pearly gates, and agreed to check on his case. After investigating, he told the attorney, "I'm afraid that there isno mistake my son... We verified your age on the basis of the number of hours you'vebilled to your clients, and you're at least 108 years old!"

CONGRATULATIONS Susie Veneziano of OzarkSusie Veneziano of OzarkSusie won the “Find The Fall Leaves contest in the Septemberissue of Laughs&Lifts. Susie receives a a gift certificate for an OilChange from Road Mart in Ozark, Free Admission To McClellan’sZoo Critters in Banks, Al. for 4 children when accompanied by atleast one paying adult, $25 Free Cleaning from Logan’s Cleanersin Ozark, A free lunch from Rita’s Soul Food in Ozark, 4 admissiontickets to the National Peanut Festival and a six monthsubscription to Laughs&Lifts.I thank everyone that entered and I hope you all had fun findingthe Fall Leaves. The Hidden Object contest is new each monthand the winner receives a prize package worth at least $100.

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FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL

It was the first day of school aftersummer vacation.The kids had all arrived in the highschool sophomore English class,and were chatting away, makingnew friends.THEN…In walked a very sternlooking English teacher and a hushfell over the room as the kidsscurried to their seats.The stern teacher silently pannedhis gaze across all the kids.After about a minute or so, hespoke..."From the outset, I want you all toknow that there are two words thatare absolutely unacceptable in thisclassroom.You cannot use them as you recite,or in any of your papers, tests, orhomework.Using these words even once, willget you a failing grade for thatquarter.The first one is "gross"And the other one is "cool"Are there any questions?"After a few moments of silence,this gawky teen at the back of theroom raises his hand,and the teacher calls upon him.In a pubescent croaking voice, thekid asks..."So, what are they?"

IDIOT

After a hard day of drilling, thedrill sergeant let the troops go."All right, you idiots, report tothe mess hall." Everybodywalked away, sweating andtheir heads down, thankful forthe end of the hard day. Onlyone private remained. Helooked at the officer andsincerely said, "Boy, theresure were a lot of them, huh,serge."

Impossible Argument

A married couple were having a disagreement whilesitting in bed.

The wife said to her husband, "You're impossible,"to which the husband replied, "No. I'm next toimpossible."

New Company Policy

When the wise company president learnedthat his employees were tanking up on no-trace vodka martinis during their lunchhours, he issued the following memo:

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Death Notice(Author Unknown)

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend by thename of Common Sense who has been with us for manyyears. No one knows for sure how old he was since his birthrecords were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuedlessons as knowing when to come in out of the rain, why theearly bird gets the worm and that life isn't always fair.Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies(don't spend more than you earn) and reliable parentingstrategies (adults, not kids, are in charge).His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentionedbut overbearing regulations were set in place.Reports of a six-year-old boy charged with sexualharassment for kissing a classmate, teens suspended fromschool for using mouthwash after lunch, and a teacher firedfor reprimanding an unruly student only worsened hiscondition!It declined even further when schools were required to getparental consent to administer aspirin to a student but couldnot inform the parents when a student became pregnant andwanted to have an abortion.Finally, Common Sense lost the will to live as the TenCommandments became contraband, churches becamebusinesses and criminals received better treatment than theirvictims. Common Sense finally gave up the ghost after awoman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee washot, spilled it in her lap, and was awarded a huge settlement.Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truthand Trust, his wife, Discretion, his daughter, Responsibility,and his son, Reason. He is survived by two stepbrothers, MyRights and Ima Whiner. Not many attended his funeralbecause so few realized he was gone..

NO ONEfalls in love by choice,

it is by CHANCE.

No onestays in love by chance,

it is by WORK.

And no onefalls out of love by chance,

it is by CHOICE

Q. Why do University ofMichigan graduates hang theirdiplomas from their rear viewmirror?

A. So they can use handicappedparking.

Quick Jokes

Bernie was invited to his elderlyfriend's home for dinner. Morris,the host, preceded every requestto his wife by endearing terms,calling her Honey, My Love,Darling, Sweetheart, Pumpkin, etc.Bernie looked at Morris andremarked, "That is really nice, thatafter all these years that you havebeen married, you keep callingyour wife those pet names."Morris hung his head andwhispered," To tell you the truth, Iforgot her name three years ago."

Top Ten Reasons to Procrastinate:

1.

A new minister was talking to theoldest member of his congregation."I am 90 years old, sir, and Ihaven't an enemy in the world,"said the aged one."That is a beautiful thought," saidthe clergyman approvingly."Yes sir," was the answer. "I'mthankful to say that I've outlivedthem all."

THIS TIMEI WANT SOMETHING

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Pao, Senhor?He couldn't have been over six years old. Dirty face, barefooted, torn T-shirt, matted hair. He wasn't too different fromthe other hundred thousand or so street orphans that roam Rio de Janeiro.

I was walking to get a cup of coffee at a nearby cafe when he came up behind me. With my thoughts somewherebetween the task I had just finished and the class I was about to teach, I scarcely felt the tap, tap, tap on my hand. Istopped and turned. Seeing no one, I continued on my way. I'd only taken a few steps, however, when I felt anotherinsistent tap, tap, tap. This time I stopped and looked downward. There he stood. His eyes were whiter because of hisgrubby cheeks and coal-black hair.

"Pao, senhor?" (Bread, sir?)

Living in Brazil, one has daily opportunities to buy a candy bar or sandwich for these little outcasts. It's the least one cando. I told him to come with me and we entered the sidewalk cafe. "Coffee for me and something tasty for my littlefriend." The boy ran to the pastry counter and made his choice. Normally, these youngsters take the food and scamperback out into the street without a word. But this little fellow surprised me. The cafe consisted of a long bar: one end for pastries and the other for coffee. As the boy was making his choice, Iwent to the other end of the bar and began drinking my coffee. Just as I was getting my derailed train of thought back ontrack, I saw him again. He was standing in the cafe entrance, on tiptoe, bread in hand, looking in at the people. "What'she doing?" I thought. Then he saw me and scurried in my direction. He came and stood in front of me about eye-level with my belt buckle.The little Brazilian orphan looked up at the big American missionary, smiled a smile that would have stolen your heart andsaid, "Obrigado." (Thank you.) Then, nervously scratching the back of his ankle with his big toe, he added, "Muitoobrigado." (Thank you very much.)

All of a sudden, I had a crazy craving to buy him the whole restaurant.

But before I could say anything, he turned and scampered out the door.

As I write this, I'm still standing at the coffee bar, my coffee is cold, and I'm late for my class. But I still feel the sensationthat I felt half an hour ago.

And I'm pondering this question: If I am so moved by a street orphan who says thank you for a piece of bread, howmuch more is God moved when I pause to thank him - really thank him - for saving my soul?

Max Lucado

Teaching Your Daughter

We need to teach our daughters todistinguish between a man whoflatters her, and a man whocompliments her .... a man whospends money on her, and a manwho invests in her .... a man whoviews her as property, and a manwho views her properly ..... a manwho lusts after her, and a man wholoves her ..... a man who believeshe is God's gift to women, and aman who remembers a woman wasGod's gift to man.

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My Cup Has Overflowed

I've never made a fortune,and it's probably too late now.

But I don't worry about that much,I'm happy anyhow.

And as I go along life's way,I'm reaping better than I sowed.

I'm drinking from my saucer,'Cause my cup has overflowed.

Haven't got a lot of riches,and sometimes the going's tough.

But I've got loving ones all around me,and that makes me rich enough.

I thank God for his blessings,and the mercies He's bestowed.

I'm drinking from my saucer,'Cause my cup has overflowed.

I remember times when things went wrong,My faith wore somewhat thin.

But all at once the dark clouds broke,and the sun peeped through again.

So Lord, help me not to gripe,about the tough rows I have hoed.

I'm drinking from my saucer,'Cause my cup has overflowed.

If God gives me strength and courage,When the way grows steep and rough.

I'll not ask for other blessings,I'm already blessed enough.

And may I never be too busy,to help others bear their loads.

Then I'll keep drinking from my saucer,'Cause my cup has overflowed.

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Community NewspaperMy home town is such a smallcommunity; a friend was surprisedthat we had a community paper. Heasked me about it.

I replied, "We all know whateverybody else is doing, but we liketo read the paper anyway to seewho's been caught at it."

Famous Last Words

"Are you sure the power is off?""He's probably just hibernating.""I can do that with my eyes closed.""I wonder where the mother bearis?""I'll get a world record for this.""I'll hold it and you light the fuse.""And that one over there, the redflashing one, what does that mean?""I'm making a citizen's arrest.""It's fireproof.""It's strong enough for both of us.""I've done this before.""I've seen this done on TV.""Let it down slowly.""Nice doggie.""Now watch this...""Pull the pin and count to what?""Rat poison only kills rats.""So, you're a cannibal...""Listen, I'm taking a course inchemistry, I know what I'm doing.""That's odd...""These are the good kind ofmushrooms.""This doesn't taste right.""What does this button do?""Which wire was I supposed to cut?"

Take my advice: I don'tuse it anyway.

"Prepositions are notthings to end

sentences with."

A panda bear walks into a diner and orders a sandwich.The waiter brings him the sandwich. The panda bear eats it, pulls out apistol, kills the waiter, and gets up and starts to walk out. The owner yellsfor him to stop. The panda bear asks, "What do you want?" The ownerreplies, "First you come in here, order food, kill my waiter, then try to gowithout paying for your food." The panda bear turns around and says,"Hey! I'm a Panda. Look it up!" The owner goes into the back room andlooks up panda bear in the encyclopedia, which read: "Panda: a bear-likemarsupial originating in Asian regions. Known largely for it's stark blackand white coloring. Eats shoots and leaves."

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First, Second, and Third Children

Being a parent changes everything. But being a parent also changes with each baby. Here aresome of the ways having a second and third child is different from having your first.

1) Your Clothes1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN confirms yourpregnancy.2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes.

2) Preparing for the Birth1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously.2nd baby: You don't bother practicing because you remember that last time, breathing didn't doa thing.3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your 8th month.

3) The Nursery1st baby: You pre-wash yournewborn's clothes, color-coordinate them, and fold themneatly in the baby's littlebureau.2nd baby: You check to makesure that the clothes are cleanand discard only the ones withthe darkest stains.3rd baby: Boys can wear pink,can't they?

4) Worries1st baby: At the first sign ofdistress - a whimper, a frown-you pick up the baby.2nd baby: You pick the baby up

when her wails threaten to wake your firstborn.3rd baby: You teach your 3-year-old how to rewind the mechanical swing.

5) Pacifier1st baby: If the pacifier falls on the floor, you put it away until you can go home and wash andboil it.2nd baby: When the pacifier falls on the floor, you squirt it off with some juice from the baby'sbottle.3rd baby: You wipe it off on your shirt and pop it back in.

6) Diapering1st baby: You change your baby's diapers every hour, whether they need it or not.2nd baby: You change their diaper every 2 to 3 hours, if needed.3rd baby: You try to change their diaper before others start to complain about the smell or yousee it sagging to their knees.

7) Activities1st baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics, Baby Swing, and Baby Story Hour.2nd baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics.3rd baby: You take your infant to the supermarket and the dry cleaner.

8) Going Out1st baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter, you call home 5 times.2nd baby: Just before you walk out the door, you remember to leave a number where you canbe reached.3rd baby: You leave instructions for the sitter to call only if she sees blood.

9) At Home1st baby: You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby.2nd baby: You spend a bit of everyday watching to be sure your older child isn't squeezing,poking, or hitting the baby.3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the children.

10) Swallowing Coins1st child: when first child swallows a coin, you rush the child to the hospital and demand x-rays.2nd child: when 2nd child swallows a coin, you carefully watch for coin to pass.3rd child: when 3rd child swallows a coin you deduct it from his allowance!!

"Mercy often wears theface of forgiveness. Andthough it usually isn'tan enemy in uniformthat we are challengedto forgive, we haveopportunities for mercyeveryday. Familymembers and friends,co-workers andneighbors and evenstrangers have need forour forgiveness."

A little child in church forthe first time watched asthe ushers passed theoffering plates. Whenthey neared the pewwhere he sat, theyoungster piped up sothat everyone could hear:"Don't pay for me Daddy,I'm under five."

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SIGN YOUR CARD

I was signing the receipt for my credit card purchasewhen the clerk noticed I had never signed my name onthe back of the credit card. She informed me that shecould not complete the transaction unless the card wassigned. When I asked why, she explained that it wasnecessary to compare the signature I had just signedon the receipt. So I signed the credit card in front ofher. She carefully compared the signature to the oneI had just signed on the receipt. As luck would have it,they matched.

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Gorilla RemovalDid I tell you the story about the day I arrived home from workand discovered a gorilla sitting on my roof? Not knowing what todo, I opened the Yellow Pages and looked up "Gorilla Removal." Icalled the only listing. A man quickly arrived and removed thefollowing equipment from his truck: a ladder, a bunch of bananas,a big stick, a pair of handcuffs, a Chihuahua and a gun.

As I was appropriately curious, I asked him what he was going todo with all that stuff. The man replied: "I'm going to use the ladderto get on the roof, then I'm going to throw the bananas to thegorilla. While he's busy eating them, I'm going to knock him off theroof with this stick. When he hits the ground the Chihuahua isgoing to bite him in the groin, at which time the gorilla will throwhis hands in the air, and you slap the cuffs on him." I asked, "Whatabout the gun?"

The man handed the gun to me and said, "Sometimes the gorillaknocks me off the roof. If that happens, you shoot the Chihuahua!"

Assertiveness

A mild-mannered man was tired ofbeing bossed around by his wife sohe went to a psychiatrist. Thepsychiatrist said he needed to buildhis self-esteem, and so gave him abook on assertiveness, which heread on the way home. He hadfinished the book by the time hereached his house.

The man stormed into the houseand walked up to his wife. Pointingafinger in her face, he said, "Fromnow on, I want you to know that Iam the man of this house, and myword is law! I want you to prepareme a gourmet meal tonight, andwhen I'm finished eating my meal,I expect a sumptuous dessertafterward. Then, after dinner,you'regoing to draw me my bath so I canrelax. And when I'm finished withmy bath, guess who's going todress me and comb my hair?"

"The funeral director," said hiswife.

Quick Jokes

A man takes his Rottweiler tothe vet. 'My dog's cross-eyed, isthere anything you can do forhim?''Well,' says the vet, 'let's have alook at him.'So he picks the dog up andexamines his eyes, then checkshis teeth.Finally, he says 'I'm going tohave to put him down.''What? Because he's cross-eyed?''No, because he's heavy.'

I've gotten to the age where Ineed my false teeth and hearingaid before I can ask where I leftmy glasses.

Every day I need you LordBut this day especially,I need some extra strengthTo face what ever is to be.

This day more than any dayI need to feel you near,To fortify my courageAnd to overcome my fear.

By myself, I cannot meetThe challenge of the hour,There are times when humanshelp,But we need a higher power

To assist us bear what must beborne,and so dear Lord, I pray -Hold on to my trembling handAnd be near me today.- Author Unknown

Making Dinner: Recipecalls for a 1/4 cup of

thyme.

That's 15 minutes,right?

EVERY DAY

Naughty Naughty

The minister's little six-year-old girlhad been so naughty during theweek, that her mother decided togive her the worst kind ofpunishment. She told her shecouldn't go to the Sunday SchoolPicnic on Saturday.Then, when the day came, her mother feltshe had been too harsh and changed hermind. When she told the little girl shecould go to the picnic, the child's reactionwas one of gloom and unhappiness."What's the matter? I thought you'd beglad to go to the picnic." her mother said."It's too late!" the little girl said. "I'vealready prayed for rain!"

I was browsing in a souvenir shop whenthe man next to me struck up aconversation.Just as he was telling me that his wife wasgetting carried away with her shopping, abrief power shortage caused the lights toflicker overhead."Ah," he sighed, "that must be herchecking out now."

Kids only want high-technology toysnowadays. My niece has an imaginaryplaymate that requires batteries.

A passenger in a two-seater airplane wasfar up in the sky when the pilot began tolaugh hysterically.Passenger: "What's the joke?"Pilot: "I'm thinking of what they'll say atthe asylum when they find out I'veescaped."

Test Results Good NewsJoey walked into his dad's studywhile his dad was working on thecomputer.

"Dad," said Joey, "Remember whenyou told me you'd give me twentydollars if I passed my math test?"Dad nodded.

"Well," said Joey, "The good newsis that I just saved you twentybucks."

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Ozark, Albama 36360

Groups of Animals

The English language has some wonderfullyanthropomorphic collective nouns for the various groups ofanimals.We are all familiar with a Herd of cows, a Flock of chickens,a School of fish and a Gaggle of geese.However, less widely known is a Pride of lions, a Murder ofcrows (as well as their cousins the rooks and ravens), anExaltation of doves and, presumably because they look sowise, a Parliament of owls.Now consider a group of Baboons. They are the loudest,most dangerous, most obnoxious, most viciously aggressiveand least intelligent of all primates.And what is the proper collective noun for a group ofbaboons?????Believe it or not .... a Congress, that much explains thethings that come out of Washington.

Death Notice(Author Unknown)

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend by the name ofCommon Sense who has been with us for many years. No oneknows for sure how old he was since his birth records were longago lost in bureaucratic red tape.He will be remembered as having cultivated such valued lessons asknowing when to come in out of the rain, why the early bird getsthe worm and that life isn't always fair.Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don'tspend more than you earn) and reliable parenting strategies(adults, not kids, are in charge).His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned butoverbearing regulations were set in place.Reports of a six-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment forkissing a classmate, teens suspended from school for usingCONTINUED ON PAGE 16

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Now is a great time to clean up yourgardens and borders. Remove spent plantsand dead debris as plant pests will overwinter there. Trim out dead branches inyour shrubs and trees and well as your rosebushes. You still need to water but not asfrequently. The winds that usher in fall canstill be drying. Stop fertilizing your outsideplants. This is still a good time to plant rosesso they can settle in before cold weather.They will not be stressed with the heat andcan develop a good root system. Stopremoving spent rose bloom and allow rosehips to develop. This signals the plant thatit is time to go dormant .This is also a goodtime to plant trees and shrubs so they canget roots before winter. Try somethingdaring and exciting like a weeping cherry orweeping redbud tree as a focal point in youryard. Plant a few perennials under the tree.Try some spring blooming and fallingblooming perennials and don’t forget toleave room for the annuals so you can havecolor everyday of the blooming season.Trim the area with low growing plants suchas Creeping Phlox, Sweet Williams, Alyssumor Candytuft. Oh what a beautiful yard thatwill make.

Try putting a pot of annuals inside thecavity of your pumpkin and put it out onyour porch.

Happy Autumn,

Sharon,

Daleville Garden Center

Did you get your spring bulbs planted yet? I know there are so many varieties ofbulbs to choose from that it is hard to decide what to put out. Try planting someAlliums (flowering onions) or anemones, Bluebells, or cyclamens. They are beautifulbut less well known. Alliums are especially exciting. I ordered Hair Alliums whichlooks like something Dr. Seuss might think up. I can hardly wait to see them nextspring.As soon as you get your bulbs try putting them in the freezer for a few daysbefore planting them or a few weeks in the fridge. This works with the plantsnatural rhythm to produce a bigger and better bloom for next spring. Be sure toplant them immediately after chilling them. My grandmother used to save hergerimums (there wasn’t so many garden center back then) for the next year byshaking dirt off the roots of her best plants and hanging them upside down in herbasement for the winter. Then in spring she would trim the plant back and replantthem. Each year her plant just got bigger and more beautiful. You might give it a tryyourself just for the fun of it. Remember the area must be cool but not freezing.

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I Loved You Enough . . .(Author Unknown)

Some day when my children are oldenough to understand the logic thatmotivates a parent, I will tell them:

"I loved you enough . . . to ask where youwere going, with whom, and what time youwould be home."

"I loved you enough . . . to insist that yousave your money and buy a bike foryourself even though we could afford tobuy one for you."

"I loved you enough . . . to be silent andlet you discover that your new best friendwas a creep."

"I loved you enough . . . to make you takea Milky Way back to the drugstore (with abite out of it) and tell the clerk, 'I stole thisyesterday and want to pay for it.'"

"I loved you enough . . . to stand over youfor two hours while you cleaned yourroom, a job that would have taken 15minutes."

"I loved you enough . . . to let you seeanger, disappointment and tears in myeyes. Children must learn that theirparents aren't perfect."

"I loved you enough . . . to let you assumethe responsibility for your actions evenwhen the penalties were so harsh theyalmost broke my heart."

"But most of all, I loved you enough . . .to say 'no,'when I knew you would hateme for it. Those were the most difficultbattles of all. I'm glad I won them, becausein the end you won, too."

"The closest to perfection anyoneever comes is when he or she fills

out a job application form."

The greatest things in life arenot things at all.

Thought for Today,If you don't have time to do it right,

when will you have time to do it over.

First Case TriedAn investment counselor decided to goout on her own. She was shrewd anddiligent, so business kept coming in, andpretty soon she realized that she neededan in-house counsel. She began tointerview young lawyers. "As I'm sure you can understand," shestarted off with one of the firstapplicants, "in a business like this, ourpersonal integrity must be beyondquestion." She leaned forward. "Mr.Peterson, are you an honest lawyer?" "Honest?" replied the job prospect."Let me tell you something about honest.Why, I'm so honest that my father lentme $15,000 for my education, and I paidback every penny the minute I tried myvery first case." "Impressive. And what sort of casewas that?" The lawyer squirmed in his seat andadmitted, "He sued me for the money."

"Simple Prayer"

My son Gilbert was eight years oldand had been in Cub Scouts only ashort time. During one of hismeetings he was handed a sheetof paper, a block of wood and fourtires and told to return home andgive all to "dad".

That was not an easy task forGilbert to do. Dad was notreceptive to doing things with hisson. But Gilbert tried. Dad readthe paper and scoffed at the ideaof making a pine wood derby carwith his young, eager son. Theblock of wood remained untouchedas the weeks passed.

Finally, mom stepped in to see if Icould figure this all out. Theproject began. Having nocarpentry skills, I decided it wouldbe best if I simply read thedirections and let Gilbert do thework. And he did. I read aloud themeasurements, the rules of whatwe could do and what we couldn'tdo.

Within days his block of wood wasturning into a pinewood derby car.A little lopsided, but looking great(at least through the eyes ofmom). Gilbert had not seen any ofthe other kids cars and was feelingpretty proud of his "BlueLightning", the pride that comeswith knowing you did somethingon your own.

Then the big night came. With hisblue pinewood derby in his handand pride in his heart we headedto the big race. Once there mylittle one's pride turned tohumility. Gilbert's car wasobviously the only car madeentirely on his own. All the othercars were a father-sonpartnership, with cool paint jobsand sleek body styles made forspeed.

A few of the boys giggled as theylooked at Gilbert's, lopsided,wobbly, unattractive vehicle. To

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DEATH NOTICE Continued from page 13

mouthwash after lunch, and a teacher fired for reprimanding anunruly student only worsened his condition!It declined even further when schools were required to getparental consent to administer aspirin to a student but couldnot inform the parents when a student became pregnant andwanted to have an abortion.Finally, Common Sense lost the will to live as the TenCommandments became contraband, churches becamebusinesses and criminals received better treatment than theirvictims. Common Sense finally gave up the ghost after awoman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot,spilled it in her lap, and was awarded a huge settlement.Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truthand Trust, his wife, Discretion, his daughter, Responsibility,and his son, Reason. He is survived by two stepbrothers, MyRights and Ima Whiner. Not many attended his funeral becauseso few realized he was gone..

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add to the humility Gilbert was theonly boy without a man at his side.A couple of the boys who werefrom single parent homes at leasthad an uncle or grandfather bytheir side, Gilbert had "mom".

As the race began it was done inelimination fashion. You keptracing as long as you were thewinner. One by one the cars raceddown the finely sanded ramp.Finally it was between Gilbert andthe sleekest, fastest looking carthere.

As the last race was about tobegin, my wide eyed, shy eightyear old ask if they could stop therace for a minute, because hewanted to pray. The race stopped.

Gilbert hit his knees clutching hisfunny looking block of woodbetween his hands. With a wrinkledbrow he set to converse with hisFather. He prayed in earnest for avery long minute and a half.Then he stood, smile on his faceand announced, 'Okay, I amready."

As the crowd cheered, a boynamed Tommy stood with hisfather as their car sped down theramp. Gilbert stood with his Fatherwithin his heart and watched hisblock of wood wobble down theramp with surprisingly great speedand rushed over the finish line afraction of a second beforeTommy's car.

Gilbert leaped into the air with aloud "Thank you" as the crowdroared in approval. The ScoutMaster came up to Gilbert withmicrophone in hand and asked theobvious question, "So you prayedto win, huh, Gilbert?"

To which my young son answered,"Oh, no sir. That wouldn't be fair toask God to help you beat someoneelse. I just asked Him to make it soI don't cry when I lose."

CONTINUED ON PAGE 20

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Gators!While sports fishing off the Florida coast, a tourist capsizedhis boat. He could swim, but his fear of alligators kept himclinging to the overturned craft.

Spotting an old beachcomber standing on the shore, thetourist shouted, "Are there any gators around here?"

"Naw," the man hollered back, "they ain't been around foryears!"

Feeling safe, the tourist started swimming leisurely towardthe shore. When he was almost there, he asked the guy,"How'd you get rid of the gators?"

"We didn't do nothin'," the beachcomber said. "The sharksgot 'em."

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Aging with a Smile

My memory's not as sharp as it used to be.

Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.

Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.

I've still got it, but nobody wants to see it.

It's scary when you start making the same noises as yourcoffeemaker.

I think I've reached my sexpiration date.

These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, "For fastrelief."

I've tried to find a suitable exercise video for women my age, but they haven't made one called "Buns of Putty."

Don't think of it as getting hot flashes. Think of it as your inner child playing with matches.

Don't let aging get you down. It's too hard to get back up.

Remember: You don't stop laughing because you grow old, Yougrow old because you stop laughing.

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a boost.By careful observation, he noticed that his customers

purchases were limited by what they could convenientlycarry from his store. So he set about devising a way to help

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HUSBAND QUOTES

I married Miss Right. Ijust didn't know her first

name was Always.

I haven't spoken to mywife for 18 months. Idon't like to interrupt

her.

Children seem to have a wisdomfar beyond us. Gilbert didn't askGod to win the race, he didn't askGod to fix the out come, Gilbertasked God to give him strength inthe outcome. When Gilbert firstsaw the other cars he didn't cryout to God, "No fair, they had afathers help".

No, he went to his Father forstrength. Perhaps we spend toomuch of our prayer time askingGod to rig the race, to make usnumber one, or too much timeasking God to remove us from thestruggle, when we should beseeking God's strength to getthrough the struggle. I can doeverything through Him who givesme strength." Philippians 4:13

Gilbert's simple prayer spokevolumes to those present thatnight. He never doubted that Godwould indeed answer his request.He didn't pray to win, thus hurtsomeone else, he prayed that Godsupply the grace to lose withdignity. Gilbert, by his stoppingthe race to speak to his Fatheralso showed the crowd that hewasn't there without a "dad", butHis Father was most definitelythere with him. Yes, Gilbertwalked away a winner that night,with his Father at his side.

By Peggy Porter

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He finally realized the parcelcontained some kind of manual andwas addressed to a church. But atfirst he thought he was processingone of our company's mostmomentous pieces of freight.

The description read, "Instructionsfor the Assembly of God."

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ENGLISH IS EASY?

So a 2-letter word has a hundredcompletely different meanings. Sowhat is this stuff about English beingeasy?

There is a two-letter word thatperhaps has more meaning than anyother two-letter word, and that is"UP." It's easy to understand UP,meaning toward the sky or at the topof the list, but when we waken in themorning, why do we wake UP?At a meeting, why does a topic comeUP? Why do we speak UP and why arethe officers UP for election and why isit UP to the secretary to write UP areport?We call UP our friends and we use itto brighten UP a room, polish UP thesilver, we warm UP the leftovers andclean UP the kitchen. We lock UP thehouse and some guys fix UP the oldcar.At other times the little word has realspecial meaning. People stir UPtrouble, line UP for tickets, work UPan appetite, and think UP excuses.To be dressed is one thing but to bedressed UP is special.Now this UP is really confusing: Adrain must be opened UP because itis stopped UP.We open UP a store in the morningbut we close it UP at night.We seem to be pretty mixed UP aboutUP! To be knowledgeable about theproper uses of UP, look UP the wordUP in the dictionary. In a desk sizedictionary, the word up, takes UPalmost 1/4th the page and definitionsadd UP to about thirty.If you are UP to it, you might trybuilding UP a list of the many ways UPis used. It will take UP a lot of yourtime, but if you don't give UP, youmay wind UP with a hundred or more.When it threatens to rain, we say it isclouding UP. When the sun comes outwe say it is clearing UP. When it rains,it wets UP the earth. CONTINUED ONPAGE 26

When it doesn't rain for a while, thingsdry UP.

One could go on and on, but I'll wrapit UP, for now my time is UP,so.............I'll give UP and shutUP.....!

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Caddy Advice

Standing on the tee of a relatively long par three,a confident golfer said to his caddy, "Looks like afour-wood and a putt to me."

The caddy argued with him a bit and suggestedthat he instead play it safe and hit a four-ironthen a wedge. The golfer was insulted andproceeded to scream and yell at the caddy on thetee, telling him that he was a better golfer thanthat, and how dare the caddy underestimate hisgame.

So, giving in, the caddy handed the gentlemanthe four-wood he had asked for. He proceeded totop the ball and watched as it rolled about fifteenyards off the front of the tee.

Immediately the caddy handed him his putterand said, "And now for one long putt..."

Wisdom often has 2 parts

1) having a lot to say

2) not saying it.

Long Cold Winter

It was October and the Indians on a remote reservation asked their new Chief if the coming winter wasgoing to be cold or mild.

Since he was a Chief in a modern society he had never been taught he old secrets.When he looked at the sky he couldn't tell what the winter was going to be like.Nevertheless, to be on the safe side he told his tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and thatthe members of the village should collect firewood to be prepared.But being a practical leader, after several days he got an idea. He went to the phone booth, called theNational Weather Service and asked, "Is the coming winter going to be cold?""It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold," the meteorologist at the weather service responded.So the Chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more firewood in order to be prepared.A week later he called the National Weather Service again. "Does it still look like it is going to be a very coldwinter?""Yes," the man at National Weather Service again replied, "it's going to be a very cold winter."The Chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every scrap of firewood they could find.Two weeks later the Chief called the National Weather Service again. "Are you absolutely sure that thewinter is going to be very cold?""Absolutely," the man replied. "It's looking more and more like it is going to be one of the coldest wintersever.""How can you be so sure?" the Chief asked.The weatherman replied, "We're sure it's going to be cold because the Indians are collecting firewood likecrazy!"

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Aunt T’sAunt T’sKitchenKitchen Mac & Cheese

Company Mac & CheeseIngredients•1 package (7 ounces) elbowmacaroni

•6 tablespoons butter, divided

•3 tablespoons all-purposeflour

•2 cups milk

•1 package (8 ounces) CreamCheese (softened or cubed), cubed

• 2 cups (8 ounces) shredded cheddar cheese

• 2 teaspoons spicy brown mustard

• 1/2 teaspoon salt

• 1/4 teaspoon pepper

• 3/4 cup dry bread crumbs

• 2 tablespoons minced fresh parsley

Directions• Cook macaroni according to package

directions. Meanwhile, melt 4 tablespoonsbutter in a large saucepan. Stir in flour untilsmooth. Gradually add milk. Bring to a boil;cook and stir for 2 minutes.

• Reduce heat; add cheeses, mustard, salt andpepper. Stir until cheese is melted and sauceis smooth. Drain macaroni; add to thecheese sauce and stir to coat.

• Transfer to a greased shallow 3-qt. bakingdish. Melt the remaining butter; toss withbread crumbs and parsley. Sprinkle overmacaroni. Bake, uncovered, at 400° for 15-20 minutes or until golden brown. Yield: 6-8servings.

Herbed Mac & CheeseIngredients

1 tablespoon butter

3 tablespoons all-purpose flour

2 cups fat-free milk

3/4 to 1 teaspoon dried marjoram

1/2 teaspoon dried thyme

1/8 teaspoon ground nutmeg

1/8 teaspoon paprika

1 tablespoon Dijon mustard

• 1/2 cup grated Parmesan cheese, divided

1 package (7 ounces) elbow macaroni,cooked and drained

1 cup (8 ounces) low-fat cottage cheese

Directions• In a large saucepan, melt butter. Stir in flour

until smooth. Gradually add milk, stirringconstantly. Bring to a boil over mediumheat; boil for 2 minutes or until thickened.Add marjoram, thyme, nutmeg and paprika;stir until blended. Remove from the heat.

• Stir in mustard and 1/3 cup Parmesancheese; mix well. Add macaroni and cottagecheese; stir until coated.

• Pour into an 8-in. square baking dish coatedwith cooking spray. Bake uncovered, at 350°for 30 minutes or until top is golden brown.Yield: 4 servings.

Ingredients• 8 ounces macaroni• 14½ oz. can Mexican diced tomatoes• 1 can of condensed cream of mushroom soup• 8 ounces of sour cream• 4 ½ oz. can chopped green chilies• 1 cup Monterey Jack cheese• 1 cup cheddar cheese

Directions• Cook macaroni according to packagedirections. Drain. Combine macaroni and nextfour ingredients. Stir in ½ of the cheeses. Pourinto a lightly greased 2 quart baking dish. Topwith remaining cheeses and bake at 350 degreesfor 30 minutes. Yield 6

Mexican Mac & Cheese

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Aunt T’sAunt T’sKitchenKitchen

Four-Cheese MacaroniIngredients

1 package (16 ounces) elbow macaroni

1/4 cup butter, cubed

1/4 cup all-purpose flour

1/2 teaspoon salt

1/8 teaspoon pepper

3 cups 2% milk

2 cups (8 ounces) shredded cheddar cheese

1-1/2 cups (6 ounces) shredded Swisscheese

1/2 cup crumbled blue cheese

1/2 cup grated Parmesan cheese

Directions

• Cook macaroni according to packagedirections. Meanwhile, in a Dutch oven overmedium heat, melt butter. Stir in the flour,salt and pepper until smooth. Bring to a boil;boil and stir for 2 minutes. Gradually addmilk, stirring constantly.

• Reduce heat to low; add cheeses and stiruntil melted. Drain macaroni; add to cheesesauce and stir until well coated. Yield: 12servings.

Creamy Mac & CheeseIngredients

• 2 cups elbow macaroni

• 1/3 cup mayonnaise

• ¼ cup chopped pimiento

• ¼ cup chopped green pepper

• ¼ cup finely chopped onion

• 10½ can condensed cream of mushroomsoup

• ½ cup milk

• 1 cup shredded sharp process Americancheese

Directions

• Cook macaroni according to packagedirections. Drain. Combine mayonnaise,pimiento, green pepper, and onion. Blendtogether soup, milk, and ½ cup of cheese.Stir into macaroni: place in a 1½ quartcasserole dish. Top with additional ½ cup ofcheese. Baked uncovered at 400 degreesfor 20 to 25 minutes. Yield 4-6 servings

Mac & Cheese

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Qetting The Lumber

Jeb and Jethro live in the hills, about 5 miles outside oftown. Jeb asks Jethro to go in to town to pick up somelumber. Jethro walks the 5 miles to town to the locallumberyard.

"Jeb says we're gonna need some 4 x 2's" Jethro tells theyardman.

"Do you mean 2 x 4's?" asks the yardman.

"Well, I don't rightly know, I better go ask Jeb" saysJethro and walks the 10 miles to the hills and back totown.

"Jeb says we're gonna need 2 x 4's" Jethro tells theyardman.

"Now, how many 2 x 4's will you need?" asks theyardman.

"Well, I don't rightly know, I better go ask Jeb." saysJethro, and again walks the 10 miles to the hills and backto town.

"Jeb says were gonna need about 40 of 'em" Jethro tellsthe yardman.

"Now, how long will you need them?" asks the yardman.

"Well, I don't rightly know, I better go ask Jeb" saysJethro and yet again walks the 10 miles to the hills andback to town.

Upon returning Jethro says to the yardman, "Jeb says youbetter give 'em to us for a while . . . we're gonna build abarn."

Police Stop at 2 AM

An elderly man is stopped by the police around 2a.m. and is asked wherehe is going at this time of night.The man replies, “I am on my way to a lecture aboutalcohol abuse and theeffects it has on the human body, as well as smokingand staying outlate."The officer then asks, "Really? Who is giving thatlecture at this time ofnight?"The man replies, "That would be my wife."

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hree Pastors in the south were having lunch in adiner. One of them said, "You know, since summerstarted I've been having trouble with them flying

bats in my loft and attic at church. I've tried everything,but nothing seems to scare them off.

Another pastor said "Yes, me too. I've got hundreds livingin my belfry and in the narthex attic. I've even had theplace fumigated, and they won't go away!"

The third pastor said, "I baptized all mine, made themmembers of the church, and they haven't seen one backsince!"

minister who wasvery fond of pure,hot horseradish

always kept a bottle of iton his dining room table.He offered some to aguest, who took a bigspoonful.

When the guest finally wasable to speak, he gasped,"I've heard many ministerspreach hellfire, but you arethe first one I've met whopassed out a sample of it."

CROSSWORDCROSSWORD

CLUES DOWN 1. Exclamation: yuck! 2. Pronounce indistinctly 3. One of Serbian descent 4. Antiquities 5. Communist China 6. Affirmative shout 7. A boy or young man 8. Made textual corrections 9. Palm starch10. Dicot genus11. Mild and humble14. "Village Wedding" painter15. Beam out21. 42nd state23. Confederate soldier24. Utilizes25. Place in quarentine26. Taxidriver27. "Tiny Alice" author Edward29. Make less active30. Plural of 15 across31. Marshall Dillon32. "Milk" actor Sean34. Female store clerk38. Convey a message42. A small amount45. Red wine region of No. Spain47. Freedom from activity48. Rural delivery50. Cutty __ (drink)51. Chinese dynasty 970-112552. Change by reversal53. House mice genus55. A sudden attack by a small force56. Gray sea eagle59. Spoken in the Dali region ofYunnan60. Point north of due east61. Winter time in most of the US(abbr.)63. Swedish krona (abbr.)

CLUES ACROSS 1. Former Russian federation 5. Gomer __, TV marine 9. America's favorite uncle12. TV singing show13. Enlarges a hole15. Contest of speed16. Throw forcefully17. Plebe18. "A Death in the Family" author19. Batting statistic20. 11th US state22. Grand __, vintage25. The content of cognition26. Boxes of wine bottles28. Diego, Francisco, Anselmo29. An upper limb32. Buddy33. Muddle with infatuation35. The cry made by sheep36. Outward flow of the tide37. Instances of selling39. Subdivision of a play40. Point east of due north41. Made full43. Vietnam War offensive44. "Hi-Ho Steverino"'s Louis45. Soak flax46. Nostrils48. Come to the surface49. Dame (Br. title abbr.)50. 2008 movie Millionaire54. Pakistani rupee57. Aboriginal Japanese58. Shifted to change course62. Paddles64. Radioactivity units65. Saudi citizens66. Go down slowly67. "Emily" actress Stark68. Dryer residue69. German river

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Priceless(Author Unknown)

A well-known speaker started off his seminar byholding up a $100 bill.In the room of 200, he asked, "Who would like this$100 bill?"Hands started going up.He said, "I am going to give this $100 to one ofyou but first, let me do this." He proceeded tocrumple the dollar bill up. He then asked, "Whostill wants it?" Still the hands were up in the air."Well," he replied, "What if I do this?" And hedropped it on the ground and started to grind itinto the floor with his shoe.He picked it up, now all crumpled and dirty. "Nowwho still wants it?"Still the hands went into the air."My friends, you have all learned a very valuablelesson. No matter what I did to the money, youstill wanted it because it did not decrease in value.It was still worth $100. Many times in our lives, weare dropped, crumpled, and ground into the dirt bythe decisions we make and the circumstances thatcome our way. We feel as though we areworthless. But no matter what has happened, howunclean, crumpled or creased, you are stillpriceless to God."

Big.. dare I say.. GI-NORMOUS!In this world where the fast food is supersized, and the athletes are steroid-sized .. I want a BIG FAITH.The Bible is full of examples of our BIG GOD (the only God) doing BIG things using ordinary people. Since I am 'veryordinary' I find myself encouraged.In fact it appears herding sheep, and catching fish were the qualifications of some of God’s great leaders of the Biblerather than the leading candidates from the local seminary. So being the son of a logger who now draws cartoons.. Icould end up being KING.. or somethin'. For example- Moses was an 80+ year old sheep tender when God called him to PLAY HARDBALL WITH PHAROAH.- David was just a shepherd boy when God used him to THROW HARD STONES AT THE FELLA WEARING CLOTHESFROM THE BIGGER AND TALLER SECTION who defied God.- The ministry of Jonah was bore out of the belly of a BIG fish, and- Jesus acting cabinet (aka disciples) was staffed by mostly fishermen. Finally,- God with an ironic sense of humor chose the greatest missionary movement to be led by Saul/Paul the persecutorof the early church. Doing jail time for God.

My point is.. BIG is what God does when we are obedient and willing to operate outside the our own man-made limits.Big is NOT what society sees a big..Let me share a few SMALL examples of BIGBIG is a small struggling church plant faithfullymeeting in the home of the pastorBig is the prayer warrior who's quiet effective ferventprayer life may never be realized this side of Heaven.Big is being little in the eyes of this world for thegreater good of God's kingdom.BIG is becoming unflappable in the face of life'sstorms.BIG is being faithful and obedient to who Goduniquely made each of us.BIG is being faithful and obedient to God in themoments that make up every day.Big is to love the Lord God with all your heart, soul,and mind and others as yourself,BIG is being faithful and not giving up when bonetired, and discouraged. They Kingdom come, thy willbe done on Earth (by each of us) as it is in Heaven...Big is NOT found on any to-do listSo if you areordinary folk like me, may His love and provision forHis people be seen as .. BIG.. if not GI-NORMOUS!

Blessings, Jeff

www.thebackpew.com

Encouragement for Married Couples:

By: Wallace Kenndy Jr.

I recently celebrated 31 years ofmarriage with my only wife. Thanksare to the Lord, His love, mercy,forgiveness and grace made it allpossible. We may all have ourdisagreements, arguments, andstruggles along the way, but whenChrist is the “CENTER” of your life andhome, it will help enable us to staytogether.

The Bible says God is love, and thatHe loved us before we were even born. This gives us insightthat love is a CHOICE and not a feeling or emotion.Feelings and emotions do change from day to day, andsometimes we make the terrible mistakes of wanting theother person to make us happy. When we think about it,that is a lot of power, control and responsibility to place onanother person.

Marriage, happiness, and life itself rest upon the choicesthat we make. God so loved the world that He gave Hisonly Son to die for the sins of the world. This was a choicethat God made not because we have been so good andearns the greatest love sacrifice of all. When we choose tolove, conditions will not change the love we have for oneanother. Romans 8:38-39 And I am convinced that nothingcan ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death norlife, neither angels nor demons,[a] neither our fears fortoday nor our worries about tomorrow—not even thepowers of hell can separate us from God’s love. 39 Nopower in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed,nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us fromthe love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.(NLT)

What are the characteristics of love? 1 Corinthians 13:4-7The Answer: Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous orboastful or proud 5 or rude. It does not demand its ownway. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of beingwronged. 6 It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoiceswhenever the truth wins out. 7 Love never gives up, neverloses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through everycircumstance.

Be encouraged and make Christ the “CENTER” of your lifeand marriage. Jesus is the Chief Corner Stone, so ouralignment for life rest upon Him. God bless and keep yourmarriage growing strong, until death due you apart!

10 Wisdoms for Your HEALTH

1. More Vegetables - Less Meat2. More Vinegar - Less Salt3. More Fruits - Less Sugar4. More Chew - Less Food5. More Walk - Less Ride6. More Sleep - Less Worry7. More Smile - Less Frown8. More Practice - Less Thinking9. More Praise - Less Blame10. More Charity - Less Greed

Music Saved My LifeLittle Noah came into the housewith a new harmonica. "Grandpa, do you mind if I playthis in here?"

"Of course not, Noah. I love music.In fact, when your grandma and Iwere young, music saved my life."

"What happened?" "Well, it was during the famousJohnstown flood. The dam brokeand when the water hit our houseit knocked it right off thefoundation. Grandma got on thedining room table and floated outsafely." "How about you?"

"Me? I accompanied her on thepiano!"

Serving Money

An elderly man took his little grandsonfor a walk around the local cemetery.Pausing before one gravestone hesaid, "There lies a very honest man.He died owing me 50 dollars, but hestruggled to the end to pay off hisdebts, and if anyone has gone toheaven, he has."They walked on a bitfurther and then came to anothergrave. The old man pointed to thegravestone and said, "Now there's adifferent type of man altogether. Heowed me 60 dollars and he diedwithout ever trying to pay me back. Ifanyone has gone to hell, he has."

The little boy thought for a while andthen said, "You know, Grandpa, youare very lucky."

"Why?" asked the old man in surprise.

"Well, whichever place you go to,you'll have some money to draw on."

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