January 23 2021 Celebration/AGPU Run 2300

Kyu

THE BALLARD OF THE DUNNY ROLL

The year was 2020

Early march or thereabouts

Off the back of quite a summer plagued by

bushfires and droughts. So, the nation was

exhausted many folks weren’t thinking

straight.

Which goes some way towards explaining

#ToiletPaperGate.

It started with a virus some say china was the

donor.

They called it COVID-19 but we called it My

Corona.

And we saw the illness spreading and the

cruise ships quarantined.

And we sanitised our fingers as we lined up to

be screened.

Then in amongst the panic someone headed

down to Coles and loaded up there trolly full

of toilet paper rolls.

We’ll never know who did it, what their

motive was or why.

Or what brand of roll they hoarded, was it

scented or two ply?

All we know is in that moment, when they

took it from the shelf, they unleashed a chain

reaction as a nation shat itself.

Now we’ve faced wars and cyclones, we’ve

survived them all as one, But a toilet paper

shortage? Well, it made us come undone.

For the people started hoarding all the last

remaining sheets.

There were punch ons in the aisles, there was

panic in the streets.

“Me crack’s in need of wiping” Someone cried

in desperation.

What else can I bloody use to solve this

situation?

Some stooped to using gum leaves, Others

left it on the floor.

Many wiped with plastic bags and returned

them to the store.

While others rocked on the veranda with a

shot gun fully manned.

To protect their precious stock, they’d rather

die than use their hand.

And the cheeky bidet owners with their

derrières unhurt?

Well, they rented out their bathrooms, $20

for a squirt.

But the greatest single irony throughout this

sordid farce,

You get corona in your nose and lungs, not

shooting out your arse.

So we will never know when faced with a

pandemic level slaughter,

Why we spent our cash on poo tickets instead

of food and water.

Cause history will tell you how the virus was

contained.

But the rush on toilet paper? That can never

be explained.

And I wonder if the Anzacs were infected by

some jerks,

Who’d fight over a dunny roll instead of

fighting Turks.

Cause it seems to me it could just be a true-

blue Aussie trait.

To panic in a crisis and steal bog rolls from you

mates.

GRAND MASTER – SHOCKER

JOINT MASTER – CAPTAIN

HASH CASH – BOOGER

ON SEX- ORGASM

RAFFLER/ BREWMEISTER – HERCULES

HABERDASHERY – SCISSORS

TRAIL MASTERS – SERENITY & RAMROOTER

WALK MASTERS – BLOW JOB & SNIPER

HORNS – WETCHEX & KUNG POO

hocker – Grand Master’s Report

WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT!!!!!! This is the first thing that comes

to mind when I think back on my time as GM. The year started off

with the last AGPU very close to the charismas run of year 2019. Our first

challenge was set. We had a very small time-frame to organise a Christmas

run to never forget. After we hijacked a new concept ‘Aqua run’ from Gash and Tool Squeezer, the

Christmas run was a great success thanks to the help from my committee (AKA Shocker’s possie.)

Next Mission - Celebration run with plenty of time to organise location was set. Theme was set.

Activities was set. Everything was coming together like a well-planned orgy. But then this little thing

happened called COVID-19. I’m sure you all heard of it. It was in all the papers.

Not only did everyone run out of toilet paper but We also lost our celebration run and for the first

time in Townsville hash history I had to make the hard decision to cancel Hash until further notice.

With no idea how long this was going to last, Hash Cash had a brilliant idea to sell off all the piss at

discounted prices. Never have I had so much rum in my fridge at home. I was pleased to see most

Hashes doing their bit to keep the club alive from small remote gatherings to the raffler’s doing their

bit in small groups. After the restrictions were raised, we celebrated with a free piss night much to

hash cashes discuss. Once again, the celebration run was in our sight. What more could go wrong.

Well, the corona virus decided to screw us one more time and for the second time this year we lost

the celebration run. Due to the restrictions, Hash was reduced to a small number of runners if you

want to call some of them that. But once again the restrictions were slowly lifted. With most of the

year behind us, a Christmas approaching again we decided to combine the Red dress run and

Christmas run. The Run was set at the Herbert hotel, a favoured pub of the TVH3 club and the

charity was Do it for Dolly. For the first time since the Christmas run the year before, the run went

ahead as planned with no push back from that stupid beer virus.

Now for the third time let’s get this celebration run happening. But this time due to the tight time

frame it was combined with the AGPU. Due to the fact we had entered the wet season, our second

venue was no longer atticaute for our run. The Third venue was then selected. And this time the MY

Corona run WILL go ahead. Looking Back at in now after I have had a few Captain Morgan’s…. Hmm

maybe that’s why I picked Captain to be my JM. I always like having a few words with the captain so

it kind of makes sense.

Worst thing to happen all year was we decided to stop icing members due to this virus. Oh, how

many people I wanted to ice during the circle because they would not shut up. However, I cannot

thank my committee enough for helping me get through this Shocker of a year. And a special

mention to Hercules for stepping up in a time of need and taking on the Brew Meister job. And a

Thank you to poor Orgasm who now has to

go through this shit job of a report I’ve

done and fix up all my grammatical errors.

Good Luck to the new GM and committee

for this year.

ON ON

Shocker

#WHAT A SHOKER OF A YEAR.

S

aptain – Joint Master’s Report

What a year, runs on, runs off, runs on, runs off, runs on but only with 30, then 40, then 50,

then what the fuck, Nike, just do it. Yeah, some prick over in China supposedly ate a bat

and contaminated close to all the world. If that wasn’t bad enough it fucked up our Hash,

pricks they are.

Anyway, we had Hash (normal that is). We had virtual Hash (not normal). We were back to normal.

We were limited to 30. We were limited to 40. We were limited to 50 (that’s really back to normal).

But it created a first in, first served for those attending Hash, and yep, I was the one that said,

“You’re in” or the bastard that said, “Stiff shit you missed out”, and to some “You’re on the reserve

list”. No one wants to go through that again. Let’s get the world back on track.

It was a long year because of the pandemic, but we are one and we are strong and got through it.

The old AGPU was supposed to be in late October or thereabouts but the extended year with the

current committee was pushed out to late January.

Christmas run was combined with the Red Dress run at the Herbert and twas a good night. There

were lots of Red, but no sight of the old man with the long white whiskers. We all must have been

naughty, so he gave us the flick. I know we all thought that we were good, but that’s the way it is

when you’re on the piss and feeling ten foot tall and bullet proof. Maybe next year Santa. Lo and

behold it was the second Christmas run by this committee, the first one being aquatic and what a

top night it was. Must have been, because Santa came to town for that one and there were also

plenty of budgie smugglers around. The Red Dress run raised over a grand for Do It for Dolly, a well

worth it organisation. A big thanks to all Hashers and the publican for that.

I can’t comment on the upcoming AGPU because the tall lady said get your reports in prior to it and I

missed the last one from being OS.

I’ve enjoyed my year as the JM, second time around, but a long time between drinks. The POW

vessel and Erectus utensil were not used much this year due to the China Flu and bring your own

pannikins was introduced, definitely a good move. I wish the new JM all the best and I know he/she

will handle it well. Thank you to all the committee for

your support throughout the year and to all Hashers for

their support, it makes life easy. On on for another fine

year of Hashing.

On on - Captain

C

rgasm – On Sex

2020…What more can I say? The year that was….

Rewind back time to November 2019… That was when the new GM was gifted Brandy or

should I say “The longest reign of being a GM in Hash History!!! (Thanks, COVID-19)” It really was a

Shocker of a year (No pun intended!)

Our first committee gathering was to create a Christmas party ASAP (No pressure!) Luckily with the

help of GASH & TOOL SQUEEZER we combined the night with a wet, slippery and adventurous AQUA

themed “run.” The first of what will become many more in the future! One of my highlights of the

year – better make that x 2!

End of March/early April – The start of what is now commonly Known as the “virtual world.” COVID-

19 hit us like Miley Cyrus; a massive wrecking ball coming in for destruction and chaos. Ahh how I do

love that song! The end of an era for Gathering in large groups (funnily enough that’s TVH3 in a

nutshell), did not stop us Hashers getting together and having a good time. When the new laws

permitted us to be in groups of 20 people, we had our own little groups scattered around and

pictures were posted in the world of social media to continue living in that Hash spirit, I guess.

So, after a 3-month long hiatus of social distancing, zero contact, sanitiser, mask wearing, no

coughing bullshit living we were able to form groups of 30 people and then eventually 40 and then

50 and then well back to normal civilisation, I think? I don’t know what normal is anymore these

days. All I know is I’m bloody lucky to be living in far NQ!!

Now if anything else could go wrong did go wrong. We were tested over and over I could not keep

up. Our celebration run was post-poned twice, now third time lucky for end of January we can get

this thing done and dusted!! Just keeping in touch with the Shocking theme, I guess. Would be rude

not to.

Ahh pretty please with a cherry on top let’s have something good come out of this year!! Dec 2020 –

Red faces, red bodies, red clothing, yep you guessed it. A bunch of TVH3’s finest hitting the Herbert

looking ravishing in there Christmas/ Red dress outfits!! What a sight! What a feast! What a night!

Almost as good as that cherry on top I was wishing for!

Now bring it forward to January 2021>>>>

As much as I’ve loved being On Sex for the past 2 years its officially time for me to dab out that

golden pen of mine and hand it onto that somebody new.

The year that WILL become…. New year, new opportunities and of course that long awaited new

GM!

Thank you TVH3,

Yours sincerely,

Your little Big O (or Orgasm)

P.S Lilliput and proud of it

On On to 2021

O

ooger – Hash Cash

A Shocking Year

Well, it certainly has been a baptism of fire as Hash Cash. What started as a relatively

smooth transition from Big Wetty to me and with-it a healthy balance sheet to boot, along came

COVID and throws it all into turmoil. Without a doubt it been challenging to say the least. When I

was handed the Hash Cash position, we started the year with a bank balance of nearly $9k in

reserve. As I put fingertips to the keyboard, we are likely to hand over to the new committee, less

than $1500.00. Since the outbreak of the COVID pandemic, our money reserves have been drained

on the back of restrictions and low attendances. Whilst it is disappointing that we are in such a poor

position, compared with the handover, we could not have survived this difficult year without the

reserves accumulated prior to this year. It is likely that the new committee will have to look at ways

to build a buffer again and no doubt hard decisions will need to be made that will impact on

everyone.

Before I finish, I want to provide you with some financial figures to contemplate as a result of the

shocking year we have had.

B

Income

Dues 6,120.00 Direct Deposits 2,774.50 Raffles 5,056.10 Can Refund 622.90 Habadashery Income 219.00 Trailer Income 13,134.80 Interest 10.42 Misc Income 1,781.50

Total income

Expenses Trailer Expenses Habadashery Expenses Miscellaneous Expenses Ice Raffle Prizes Nosh Red Dress Donation Total Expenses Total Loss

29,719.22

15,074.11 1,117.61 9,025.19 2,425.00 2,054.95 4,400.00

810.00

34,906.86

-5,187.64

On On Booger

low Job – Walkers Trail Master

Now that our unprecedented “extended” term as the essential workers of our club has

come to an end and we can look back on the year with 20/20 hindsight vision, I’ll try to

comment on it without using too many of the overused words and phrases of the year

like no other.

After being handed over a healthy-looking list from last year’s Trail master, Self-Abuse, the hare line

continued to grow with many generous offerings (and a few gently nudged participants) to host

runs. It was promising to be a great year with some hares putting up their hand for the first time for

quite a while, but we must all remember that nothing is set in stone!

As the Corona Virus reared its ugly head, uncertain times crept upon us and restrictions were being

rumoured, some felt the panic, cancelled their runs and chose to self-isolate. I managed to find a few

short notice hares prepared to throw a run together over the next few weeks despite the great toilet

paper shortage.

And then Lockdown! No more need for hares whilst we stayed at home and watched the world go

mad. But Covid-19 wasn’t going to keep TVH3 down for long, virtual runs started popping up around

our city (without me needing to hound anyone to hare them!).

After we had all done our bit to flatten the curve, restrictions were eased and we were ready to

return to Hash. El Dringo hosted the first run back under the new normal; social distancing,

increased hygiene, using our own panic-kins, the collection of our very personal details – in case of

the need for contact tracing, and the Hash Cash donned PPE and sanitised the money as it came in.

We enjoyed improved mental health being back to Hash for the next 7 weeks, till a second wave

down south reintroduced greater restrictions and as a first for TVH3 it became necessary to “book”

to run. Restricted numbers at runs meant restricted numbers available to hare, but somehow it

came together each week. Others chose to remain in a bubble and created their own hub as their

part to stop the spread.

Well, it has been said that rain, cyclones and tornados

don’t stop TVH3 from running on a Monday night…but a

pandemic did!

On On to a year that everyone believes can’t be worse!

BLOWJOB

Thanks to each and every one of you that did your share

of runs during these unprecedented times. Just a quick

reminder to any Karen’s out there, we are all in this

together – for our club to work each and every one of us

needs to do ONE run a year. This means one if you are

doing it on your own, 2 if you are doing them with

someone else, 3 if you’re doing them in a group of three,

etc. Get it?

PS: All Lives Matter!

B

niper – Walkers Trail Master

Ahhh! Twenty 20… The year that was supposed to be so good we named it twice, like Down

Down and On On… Could it get any better we asked ourselves supping away on a naive

beverage or six?

It started so well, fun, games, charges, walks, runs, nibbles, dinner, innocence

Hell, I even turned up most weeks, proudly wearing my demotion to Walk Master – forging ahead

with no bloody idea where I was going but still cocky as ever.

False trails, wrong turns and that was just to get the flock to the starting point at the front gate but

no one minded as they took no notice anyway

Up hills, down dales, through puddles and swarms of mozzies we did it all, smiles on our faces,

words on our lips and the promise of a drink when we returned

How could we be so naïve? Easy, we are Hashers!

But we were not immune and early on we found our trails blocked on two fronts, Corona Virus 19

and the Government. Walks were cancelled, down downs were down and out and gatherings

became a romantic distant memory (did I really just say that?)

We waited and watched, watched and waited and like a cane toad from the drought we gathered in

socially distanced groups and croaked at each other in small numbers when we were given the green

light!

Life had changed but we were still

here, willing and able to give each

other virtual hugs and shit all at

once

The year of Shocker was just that!

ON ON Sniper

am Rooter and Serenity – Trail Masters

If you’re not dead yet you’re not going to be, for this run year. The 2020 hash run season is

almost over, and we are pleased to say that we haven’t lost a soul all year. We found a few

lost one’s and repaired a few broken one’s, but apart from that it has been quite an

uneventful year. Maybe everyone has become more responsible, a term rarely used for a hasher.

We have had to pick up the pieces throughout the year (especially BLOWBACK falling for the

footpath on his way home, and EWOK using his foot for a brake on his bike), so it looks like KUNG

POO and PUSSY LANE have had a successful educational year in keeping everybody safe (There has

been a noticeable reduction in VB sales this year). Our thoughts also go out to COWBOY and

ROOSTER (the oldest “cock” in the kennel) who are both doing it tough at the moment, and are

missed at the back of the pack at their cruising pace.

We may all be running with our hands on our “gadgets” in the future, as there seemed to be a

massive shortage of chalk on many a run, and if not for the prowess and cunning of the run trail

S

R

masters, many a hasher may still be trying to get back home. Personal EPIRBS may be the order of

the day with “spell checks” instead of “hold checks” and “think stops” instead of “drink stops”. Well,

who knows, maybe BENTABEAK.

It has been a very hot year, and we have appreciated the hares reducing the distances of the runs. It

has encouraged more hashers to join the running pack regardless of their ability or inability. We’ve

had a couple of newcomers join us recently, JASON and PAUL, and they have plodded along with us

both carrying self-inflicted injuries. BLOWBACK has hung in there like a limp dick, carrying who

knows what disease/injury, and MOTHER DUCK has been one “hot” but not fast duck. A big

advantage has been the noticeable absence of the faster and fitter “get a life” front runners in

WART, PHLASH, CLEVER PUNT, and GROPER.

These later weeks have been a challenge for the hares with the onset of the wet, but great minds

come up with great ideas. Best so far were BIG WETTY and BLOWBACK using their push-bikes like

cowboys, guiding the pack around the suburbs whilst riding high on the saddle. No trail needed (was

it laziness or genius??). But the gong must go to KUNG POO for his uncanny knack at getting lost

when in a pack, with oodles of trail, and the “horn” guiding him on. He gets our “Specsaver of the

Year “ award for his consistency and sheer blindness. There has also been no regular “short cutting

bastard”, except for BLOWBACK, who claims he has again succumbed to his ailing injuries. We give

him the benefit of the doubt this year (no prize though). And for thoughtfulness, our “best” run goes

to BOOGER and BIG WETTY for the shortest run of the year, with the smallest pack of the year,

followed by the most nosh, and the now infamous “raffle-gate” affair.

So, anybody looking for a leisurely, loping, relaxing run, is welcome to join the weekly wandering

pack, assured that they won’t get lost and that they have plenty of entertainment and exercise

(cheaper than any gym). Bring your buddies and your runners and see what adventure awaits.

Looking forward to seeing you all in 2021, for lots of laughs and lots of fun.

ON ON

RAM ROOTER and SERENITY

cissors - Haberdashery

2020 what a year!

Well, almost a hash year with quite a few

weeks/months left in limbo. So habadash was pretty quiet

as well with very few shirt and patch awards handed out. A

(Trump) 'Must Go' sale was held at Ewok and Clever Punt's

run and was a big hit! Cleared out some habadash stock and

made a few $$ for the club coffers. A few hashers left

looking a lot more dapper than when they arrived. "Oh

Carol" ha-ha looked good girlfriend. Even Wart scored a

bargain and looked, well, much the same. A few hashers ordered the well-known hash reversible

vest in 2020 and are thrilled with it, especially Scissors. I have really enjoyed the year and a half that

I have been habadash and look forward to an uninterrupted 2021 to explore new and exciting

habadash ideas and items.

On On

Scissors

ung Poo – Hash Horn

What a year, well not a year but it felt like

years. Horn for the second time. Can make a

louder noise but it doesn’t make it any more pleasant.

While my duty as horn was very demanding I think my

greatest contribution to the Committee was being there

for the GM. Many an hour I spent listening and laughing at Shockers Monty Python jokes and Cheech

and Chong references Maybe not hours but minutes, but it felt like hours.

Shocker in return taught me many things, such as What is the airspeed velocity of an unladen

swallow? He knew it all. What’s the meaning of life GM, Try and be nice to people, avoid eating fat,

read a good book every now and then, get some walking

in, and try and live together in peace and harmony with

people of all creeds and nation.

On n on to next regime Kung Poo

Etchex – Hash horn

Walking around Townsville with a Horn for

12 months was quite a feat with a few strange looks from onlookers especially when

the Horn ejaculated upon seeing trail, which is beyond comprehension, & Wot the f%&* was that in

aid of. The Horn has no conscience & on several occasions got lost when the Trail master found

reading a Map was quite difficult in bad light or in uncharted territory, but we survived, arriving

home in the dark. Drink stops revitalised the Horn & it was On On Home for the final leg. Definitely a

commitment for exercise & an excuse to Drink more Piss @ the end of it. On! On! Lil' Wetty.

S

K

W

ercules – Raffler/Brewmeister

Well, what do I say? What a @#$%Ed year its been for all us hashers.

The Raffler’s Amy and myself started when I forgot, but we did sell some tickets as I do

remember that. Then our young Amy left us.!!

I thought WTF am I doing with me raffle mates yet another one bites the dust, or is it the male

species running away with them to greener pastures. Any way everyone chipped in and lent several

hands. Then you can't bloody believe it COVID-19 came along uninvited I might add.

Well that just @#$%ed that right up.

A few weeks went by, then months. Some hashers were getting restless for a run/walk or having

someone to drink with (mainly down, Down)

I think the latter is the one! So, a few hashers come up with a great idea in having virtual hash on

Monday nights, with 5 hashers at different places around town, which was a great idea and lots of

fun and some great pics. During this lock down we lost our Brewmeister (Coyote Ugly).

In saying this we all wish you well. Meetings were held to come up with someone else, but to no

avail. Serenity to the rescue for a few months. With work and home commitments and also to save

him from being kicked out / divorced, Serenity had to surrender to Scissor's. With a lot of towing and

throwing around the meetings, I put my hand up as everyone was getting slightly sore from being

kicked around.

So here we go I thought to myself, I know I can tow but can’t back up. Fuck! I said but with the help

from a few hash fellas Tyson, Rammy, Serenity and Shatter. Thank you.

So, weeks have gone on and Miss Daisy asked “How’s it all going Hercs with the trailer”. “Yeah,

going well but it’s the backing in that’s a bit of a worry for me at present”. So, he says how about I

give you a few lessons in backing up?!!!

I thought about it for a few seconds I said "shit no way Daisy" you have a new Mrs and kid on the

way. "Hay Miss Daisy I know it's been a long time since I've had

to back up."

"But thanks for the offer Daisy"

I have to admit I have had fun.

On On

Hercules

H

ON ON to 2021!!

WHAT A SHOCKER OF A YEAR!!