AN OVERVIEWAN OVERVIEW

Keshav Tripathy

Do all of us sitting in this room want to be successful? Why?What according to you is success?H ill hi i b h lHow will you achieve success in both personal and professional life?Lets take a look at how we can be moreLets take a look at how we can be more successful.What is in it for you.

Lets begin by doing a small exercise:◦ First identify three people who you think were/ are

successful◦ Next identify at least five qualities that you thinkNext identify at least five qualities that you think

made them successful.◦ Next, identify which of these qualities you have and

which you would like to cultivatewhich you would like to cultivate.

Does your list have words like:Honest Humor Knowledge

DependableDependableEnthusiastic PMA Hardworking DecisiveConfident Patient Self respect Good ListenerDiscipline Persistent Loving CommunicatorLoyal Faith Friendly LearnerGoals Common sense Motivated EmpatheticGoals Common sense Motivated EmpatheticCompassionate Character HumbleIntegrity Dedicated Organized

That 29 out of these words on the previous slide deal with attitudes (yours)All of them can be taught and learned

fThe qualities of success are basically skillsMost important of all – You already have

lit it l d t bevery quality – it only needs to be developed further

You can change what you are and where you are by changing what goes into your mind.When you choose the input, you choose the results in your liferesults in your life.When you change the input, you change the output (result)output (result)

1. Turn scars into stars:◦ Examples: Helen Keeler, Mother Teresa, Milton,

Beethoven, FDR,Gandhi, Lincoln, etc.2 Learn intelligent ignorance:2. Learn intelligent ignorance:◦ The example of the “Bhavnra” or Bumble bee.When you don’t know your limitations youWhen you don t know your limitations, you go out & surprise yourself. The only limitations you have, are self imposed.

3. Do something for others -you’ll be i d t h it lift lf tsurprised as to how it lifts your self esteem.

4. Learn to give and receive compliments honestly and gracefullyhonestly and gracefully5. Accept responsibility gladly and follow through on that responsibility.6 P i di i li lk lk6. Practice discipline- walk your talk.

7. Set goals -AND write them down. See that they meet the SMART criterion.8. List all your strengths & weaknesses and

k di i i hi k dwork on diminishing your weaknesses and consolidating on your strengths.9 Have patience courage and conviction9.Have patience, courage and conviction.10. Give yourself positive auto suggestions

11. Become internally driven, not externally driven:◦ Happiness is a result of positive self esteem◦ Happiness comes from being and not just having◦ Happiness comes from being and not just having.◦ Happiness is internal.

Effective communication hinges on people understanding your meaning and replying in terms that move the exchange/transaction forward preferably inmove the exchange/transaction forward - preferably in the direction you want.Effective communication is based on anEffective communication is based on an understanding of the needs, wants, attitudes, values and belief systems of the two communicators.

Get a response; ActionGet a response; ActionEncourage pre determined action; persuadeInform, Influence, Inspireo , ue ce, sp eInduce behavioural change, convinceTo solve problemsTo solve problems.Share your view of the world

Good communications is the lifeblood of OrganizationsGood communicators make better executives/ managersGood communicators recognize barriers and work to overcome themG d i t b ild t d iGood communicators build rapport and gain acceptanceGood comm nicators establish tr stGood communicators establish trust.

THE COMMUNICATION MODEL

MediaS E D R

Media

Info./ Message

Feedback

COMMUNICATION MODEL

Message ObjectiveInformInfluenceI iInspire

O l/W iMedium

Oral/Written

Clarity/Confidence

Sender Receiver Feedback

y

Attitudes/Values/Beliefs

The CAGE Model:◦ C Stands for Culture (not in the cross◦ C – Stands for Culture (not in the cross

cultural context, but in the work culture context.))

◦ A – Stands for Audience (We need to know our audience)G Stands for Goal/ objective/result that we◦ G – Stands for Goal/ objective/result that we want

◦ E – Stands for Etiquette in communicationsE Stands for Etiquette in communications We need to internalize this model of the

communication process

The MAK Model◦M – Stands for the medium (knowing

which medium of communication to usewhich medium of communication to use when) ◦A – Stands again for Audience – knowingA Stands again for Audience knowing

your audience, its needs, etc.◦K – Stands for Knowledge – the equivalent◦K – Stands for Knowledge – the equivalent

of a SME (know your subject)

S – SmileO – Open F – FriendlyT – Touch (Emotionally)E – Eye ContactN – Nodding

Also S - OFTEN is “Smile Often”

T – Think before you speakA – Appreciate the other person’s point of viewC – Converse calmly, do not competeT – Time your comment for maximum impactF Focus on behaviour you want (or wantF – Focus on behaviour you want (or want changed)U – Uncover hidden feelings/emotions/thoughtsg gL – Listen for feedback (both verbal and non verbal clues)

Be direct, courteous and calmSpare others your

Don’t be rude and pushyDon’t be superior, patronizing or sarcasticSpare others your

unsolicited adviceAcknowledge what works for you may not work for

patronizing or sarcastic.Don’t make personal attacks or insinuationsD ’t t th tfor you may not work for

othersSay main points first then ff d t il

Don’t expect others to follow your advice or agree with you

offer more detailsListen for hidden feelings, emotions, etc.

Don’t suggest changes that a person cannot easily make

1. Personalize – Address people by name and p p ynot generally. People like to be identified2. Respect – Never insult or embarrass people by saying anything that could be misinterpreted.3. Dignity – Always be professional. Imbibe

ti d lf t l P l i llpatience and self control. People come in all shapes and sizes.4 Use the restating or mirroring technique to4. Use the restating or mirroring technique to ensure confirmation of the right message.

5.Emotions – Acknowledge that people are both emotional as well as intellectual. Emotions play a p ybig part in effective communications.6.Responsibility – Use I instead of you to accept

ibilit l dl d th f ll th hresponsibility gladly and then follow through on that responsibility.7 Absolutes – Avoid using absolutes in7.Absolutes Avoid using absolutes in conversation – they are very difficult to digest. Keep use of words like never or always to a

i iminimum.8.Clarity – Remember you are speaking for understanding by the other person Keep jargon tounderstanding by the other person. Keep jargon to the minimum.

9.Grace – Never corner another person or use “verbal force” to get them to accept your views. Instead leave

’them a positive way to accept what you’ve said or to disagree.10 Always use positive vocal pitch with enthusiasm10. Always use positive vocal pitch with enthusiasm and expression in your voice.

Saying directly what you want, need or feel but NOT at the expense of othersfeel but NOT at the expense of others.Behaving in a rational adult wayAble to negotiate and reach workableAble to negotiate and reach workable compromisesInsisting on being heard, even if youInsisting on being heard, even if you have to keep repeatingKnowing you deserve respect & acting g y p gso.Showing you have purpose & being totally honest

THINKTHINKWhat disturbs you about other people is what disturbs you about yourself.y yIf you always feel angry, or others appear inept, you are worried or frightened.If you are always fearful & unwilling to

lf bassert yourself, you are angry about something and suppressing it?Y h t b i ti i tYou can choose to be a victim or victor

Al t b Works hard yet hasAlways too busyGoes round the problem

Works hard, yet has more timeGoes straight to the p

Promises too readilyGive in on important i

problemKnows when to fight & when to give inissues

Can be a petty tyrantFocuses on others

& when to give inFeels strong enough to be friendlyFocuses on others

weaknesses ListensRespects others strengthsstrengths

Resists feedback Welcomes feedbackMakes excusesSays “That’s not my Job”

ExplainsFeels responsible for more than his workJob

Afraid of making mistakes

more than his workWilling to make mistakes (experiment)

Focuses on problems & insoluble issues

Focuses on possibilities & solutions.insoluble issues solutions.

MANIPULATIVEMANIPULATIVE

PASSIVE ASSERTIVE AGGRESIVE

In the triangle of the previous slide, the base of the triangle is a continuum that isof the triangle is a continuum, that is behaviour moves from passive to assertive to aggressive.aggressive.Vertically also the lines represent a continuum in which Manipulative behaviour is at the apex of the triangle!!

FLIGHT (LOSE -WIN) – Passiveness or non aggression. A person who fails to stand up gg p pfor his/her rights and can thus easily be discarded.

FIGHT( WIN- LOSE) - Aggression. A h d f hi /h i hperson who stands for his/her own rights

but in an inappropriate way, that is by ignoring the needs/opinions or feelings ofignoring the needs/opinions or feelings of others and only focusing on self needs.

We have a third option:ASSERTIVENESS (WIN- WIN) – essentially a considered (deliberate) response to any difficult situation A person who has thedifficult situation. A person who has the ability to say directly what he/she wants but not at the expense of others.p

1. SAY NO WHEN YOU HAVE TO:Think of the harmful consequences of saying yesIf you think you are being taken for a ride, put your foot downDil h i f “NO”Dilute the impact of a “NO”Give reasons for your decision

Delay, if necessary, to think things over.Keep calm at all timesPractice saying no to your self on your own.

2. BE PERSISTENTRepeat over and over again, in a firm but relaxed way what you want

f ll d h “b k d” hOften called the “broken record” technique

3. NEVER LET ANYBODY TAKE AWAY YOUR RIGHTSAlways ask for what you want

l h h h h fRealize the other person has a right to refuse or say noSpeak up for the truthSpeak up for the truthDo what you think is right

4. DEAL WITH PUT DOWNSA put down is one which violates one or more of your rights.

h f h dThe first thing to do is never to react aggressively. This blows the situation out of all proportionall proportion.However act quickly and decisively.

Deny what is being said.Say what you feel.Make it clear that you dislike the person’s b hbehaviour.

5.HANDLE CRITICISM WELLStand up for yourself.Be firm but fair.Get all relevant information.Be slow to anger. Don’t be timid,passive, apologetic or indecisive.Forgive & Forget. Relax.

Wait and listen.Accept criticism if it is valid.Actively seek constructive criticism.Don’t take unfair criticism to heart.Use body language to your advantage.

l k h d b h b fAlways take three deep breaths before responding to criticism.

6 KNOW HOW TO MAKE CONFIDENT6. KNOW HOW TO MAKE CONFIDENT CONVERSATION.

7. THINK OF YOURSELF FOR THE SAKE OF OTHERS

8. BE SEEN & NOT “OBSCENE”Assertiveness is all about having presence and influence.It is not concerned with aggressivenessIt is not concerned with aggressiveness which is counterproductive.Sometimes, being morally indignant is a , g y gmotivator for being assertive.Don’t be unnecessarily argumentative, critical and impatientcritical and impatient.

9. BE CLEVERTake control of the conversation & get in first.

k h d f lTry to keep one step ahead of people.The best way to “find someone out” is to know something about them or what they areknow something about them or what they are saying.

10. PRACTICE BEING ASSERTIVE.Mentally rehearse assertive behaviour.Build your self esteem.

Sharpening the saw - “ We are always so busy sawing (producing results) that we often neglect to “sharpen our own saws” -maintaining or increasing our capacity tomaintaining or increasing our capacity to produce results.”