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Kickstart your ConFITdence!

Copyright © 2016 SGT Steve LLC

ISBN: 978-0-9981717-1-5

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, recording or otherwise, without the prior written permission of the author.

1st Edition

Written by Steve Rosen (AKA SGT Steve)

Disclaimer

The statements made about products and services have not been evaluated by the U.S. Food and Drug Administration. They are not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any condition or disease. Please consult with your own physician or healthcare specialist regarding the suggestions and recommendations made in this guide.

You understand that this guide is not intended as a substitute for consultation with a licensed healthcare practitioner, such as your physician. Before you begin any healthcare program, or change your lifestyle in any way, you will consult your physician or other licensed healthcare practitioner to ensure that you are in good health and that the examples contained in this guide will not harm you.

This guide provides content related to topics physical and/or mental health issues. As such, use of this guide implies your acceptance of this disclaimer.

SGT Steve LLC, Kickstart Fitness, Kickstart Boot Camp, Kickstart Coaching, Kickstart 60 and Kickstart Retreats are private endeavors and do not endorse or reflect the views of any branch of the Armed Forces or the U.S. Government.

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Foreword By Danny Kavadlo

I first connected with ‘Sergeant’ Steve Rosen on social media a few years ago. He was a group fitness trainer out of Arizona, a former senior leader in the US army and a fitness personality unlike anyone I had ever encountered. In fact, to compare SGT Steve to any fitness trainer you’ve ever met before would be to dangerously and irresponsibly confuse the situation. This guy is an original.

At this juncture, I had already surmised that SGT Steve was a talented motivator, a particularly unique personality and someone with a very serious—yet light hearted—approach to strength and fitness in all their forms. But it wasn’t until I met him in person at a Progressive Calisthenics Certification in January, 2015 that I learned that Steve himself was an incredible success story. It shocked me to find out that he had an extremely hard life, with a painstakingly difficult, abusive childhood. Sarge was beaming like a shining star, illuminating everyone in his path; I wondered how he came from such dark roots. Further, I was quite surprised to hear that back in his army days, he was overweight, with limited mobility and low aerobic capacity. This was a far cry from the guy I met in person, who possessed unbelievable pound-for-pound strength, radiated with boundless, positive energy and was youthful (yet wise) beyond his years.

What can I say? Sarge instantly impressed me for a multitude of reasons. I liked him right off the bat!

One of my personal highlights from that weekend in sunny Southern California was witnessing Steve’s first-ever pistol squat. But even more impressive than the squat itself was the witticism and humility that he had throughout the journey. (For the record, Sarge still gives me the credit for that pistol, but it was all him—I just stood there and pointed!)

Throughout the workshop, I established a deep connection with this man, as we exchanged personal stories of our respective lives and struggles, as well as our common plight to stay strong and foster a positive attitude no matter what. SGT Steve is someone who inspires others to make profound changes in their fitness, self-image and lifestyle, because it’s something he has done and something he is passionate about. He brings out the best in others because he truly walks the talk. I am proud to call him a friend.

So you can imagine what a pleasant surprise (and huge honor) it was when I was contacted to write a forward for his most recent masterpiece Kickstart Your ConFITdence!

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When I first opened Kickstart! and browsed though it, what immediately jumped out at me was the accessibility: “Getting fit shouldn’t suck”, he proclaims in the early pages. Agreed! Throughout the work, he rages against painstaking workouts, esoteric dietary restrictions, and gratuitous stress. He dispels unrealistic visions of what we think we should look like, or even what a workout should be. With deft intellect and great whimsy, Steve addresses not only the physical body but also one’s approach to life. He calls into question what the notion of “fitness” really means in the first place. In fact, SGT Steve’s definition of fitness isn’t about having a single digit body fat, the athletic performance of a world class Olympian or even seeing the numeric value on the scale go down. Rather, it’s about being and feeling your best. He wants you to enjoy the practice as much as the outcome and be true to yourself all along the way.

That’s not to say that Sarge won’t challenge you—quite the contrary—he’s developed a system that embraces a serious work ethic. Like many worthwhile ventures, he acknowledges that it wont be easy, but it will be simple.

Kickstart Your ConFITdence! is laced with an attitude that is both positive and pragmatic in seeking out the path of progress and helping you move forward even when you don’t feel like it. It encourages you to acknowledge and overcome excuses in a realistic fashion. There is no shaming here, just inspiration. The only attitude represented is an attitude that seeks to (as Sarge puts it) “crush mediocrity.”

As you may expect, there is also a great balance of actionable advice and fantastic humor. For example, each chapter ends with an “Action Step” which consists of realistic, practical wisdom that you can begin incorporating into your life right now. For example: “Toss your scale into the trash. You won’t be needing it anymore. Now, write down a list of the benefits you get from being fit that have nothing to do with your weight.” Pure gold.

As for the humor, when Sarge says that so many of us are “waiting for the Motivation Fairy to come sprinkle some magic dust that will make you want to exercise and eat better”… I literally laughed out loud!

Despite his belief in self-improvement, Steve’s humble nature is ever-present in these words. He rejects any preconceived notions of what a typical fitness personality should be, by freely admitting that he used to be “the poster child for unhealthy choices” and that “we all skip workouts and have candy.” His take on weight “control” vs weight “influence” is nothing short of genius. And his breakdown of the words WON’T, CAN’T and SHOULDN’T, should be mandatory reading for everybody, as it relates to owning the choices we make in our workouts, and even in the grand picture of life.

Through interesting (and at times hilarious) anecdotes, hyperbole and story telling, Sarge gives us a fresh and distinct perspective. He lends an empathetic, kind and even loving voice, yet still, he pulls no punches as he challenges his readers to “step up and own” their own bodies. You see, our cultural tendency is to blame other people or circumstances for our present conditions, but as you know by now, my friend SGT Steve

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laughs in the face of conventional wisdom. While recognizing that you can’t have complete control, he still demands complete responsibility. Some may find Sarge’s strong words to be frightening. I see them as empowering. When you get to his side-splitting story in Chapter 8 about cursing out a giant meteor that falls from the sky, you’ll know exactly what I’m talking about. This is one of the many sections of Kickstart Your ConFITdence! that is so good, I wish I wrote it myself!

Whether he’s referencing pop culture icons like Forrest Gump and Doogie Howser, getting a pedicure (complete with colors and sparkles) in an effort to bond with—and in some cases terrify—his boot campers or likening himself to a squirrel, SGT Steve establishes himself as a unique voice in an industry full of clones, a definitive pioneer who needs to be heard and a true factory original. I will be a better trainer for having read his book.

Keep The Dream Alive, -DK

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Preface

Getting fit shouldn’t suck. Ok, I get it, squats suck. However, for the most part, I believe our fitness journeys should be an enjoyable and sustainable experience. Yet every day people wake up and do workouts they hate, go on strict diets, and stress out every time they step on the scale. It’s no wonder that so many people have trouble sticking with any program for longer than a few weeks. I know there are a lot of people right now sitting on couches, stuck in their current behaviors because they dread the idea of exercise and dieting. How we got to this point is beyond me, and that’s not what this book is about. I’m here to provide a much needed and refreshing approach to getting more fit, healthy and happy. Isn’t that what we all want? And by fit, I mean feeling, performing and looking your very best!

This approach isn’t going to be easy. It will challenge you mentally, emotionally and physically. It will likely challenge your beliefs about many things when it comes to fitness. On the flip side, this approach is laid back, lighthearted and fun. I used to take fitness way to seriously, and was not enjoying the journey. I have since changed my ways. Please keep an open mind and be willing to try new things. The approach in this book is what I live, and I encourage my clients to do the same. Seeing their lives transform as they implement this philosophy has been tremendously rewarding. When I see one of my boot campers exercising with a smile on their face at 5:45 a.m., I know we are onto something special here in the mountains of Arizona! I believe the same can be true for you.

As I mentioned in the paragraph above, some (perhaps much) of what you read may be contrary to what you have already learned. In the past year I have let go of some long held beliefs to try new and uncomfortable things. The result? I’m feeling and performing at my best.

Are you tired of doing boring workouts that feel like a chore?

Are you fed up with rigid diets that leave you feeling deprived?

Are you ready to shoot your bathroom scale with a rocket launcher?

Are you looking for simple yet realistic tips that work?

Are you ready to have fun with exercise?

Are you ready to find the motivation to crush the Excuse Monster?

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Are you ready to transform your life by transforming your health and fitness?

If so, this book is for you! I am fired up to be part of your health and fitness journey! Let’s rock this!

Introduction

I have a passion for fitness and love sharing it with others. I do this through face-to-face coaching/training, professional speaking, home fitness videos, and writing. This book is the culmination of what I have learned up until now. It is by no means gospel, but I believe there is a lot of wisdom in this book that I have gained via experience and learning from others blazing trails ahead of me.

Over the course of my own fitness journey I’ve had ups, downs, lefts, rights, zigs and zags! I’ve made a lot of mistakes, but I have also figured some things out. I have learned some effective mindsets and strategies that have been game changers for my clients and me. I am going to share those with you in this book. The stuff in this book works. I’m living proof, as are my clients I will candidly share my own personal journey throughout these pages to help guide you on your own path to improved fitness. I am known for keeping things realistic and authentic.

I decided to write and format this book in a way that matches my fitness and overall life philosophy: Keep things simple. Lighten up. Make it fun. Stay committed. Get results. I also believe in keeping this book short and sweet, much like my workouts. I want this to be the type of book you will actually read and apply to your life. I’m leaving out the fluff and filler. It’s all about applicable and powerful content.

There are a few different ways to use this book.

Option 1: Sit down and read it from cover to cover. Don’t worry about the action steps…..yet. Once you read it, I recommend moving on to option 2.

Option 2: Read one chapter every other day for 60 days. Make sure to do the action steps. Taking the time to take action will help you get the most you can out of this book. If you choose and have the time, you can also do a chapter a day; however, I believe that giving yourself two days per chapter will take the pressure off and allow you to dive deeper into the book. Some of the chapters my only take a few minutes to read, but much longer to process and contemplate. There are some powerful and potentially life changing ideas in this book. Don’t rush it, and don’t dilly-dally. That’s why completing the book in 60 days is a nice balance of taking your time, and still getting it finished in a short amount of time. This should require no more than 10-20 minutes per day of your time. Is 20 minutes a day worth changing your life for the better? I think so!

Option 3: Pick a chapter you need, and read it. Each chapter has a specific topic. For instance, if you are really struggling with comparing yourself to others, you can read the

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‘Doogie Howser’ chapter and apply it to your life. I also recommend this after reading through the entire book first.

This book is made up of three sections:

1. Fueling the fire! (Motivation). This section will help you get fired up with a sense of purpose in order to get up and get moving.

2. You got this! (Confidence). An important part of fitness is the confidence, mental toughness and self-esteem it brings. This section will help you create and build a sense of rock solid confidence that will help you overcome the challenges that you face not only in fitness, but in life.

3. Keep the fire burning! (Commitment). It’s easy to start a fitness program. Staying on course is a whole different thing. In this section you will be provided with common sense and realistic mindsets and techniques to keep you moving forward on your fitness journey.

Since I promised to keep things short and simple, that’s it for the introduction! Everything else will be covered in the next 30 chapters. Sixty days from today (or sooner) you will be glad you invested the time into this book. Getting fit is well worth the effort!

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Part 1: Fueling the fire! (Motivation)

Chapter 1: Today is the Day!

Today is the day!

Today is the day you can get up, get moving, and kick some ass!

Today is the day you can fill your body with healthy and nourishing foods.

Today is the day you can try a new fitness class, new recipe, or new hiking trail.

Today is the day you can smash your comfort zone by overcoming fear & resistance to do something positive for your body.

Today is the day where you can treat your body as if you will spend the rest of your life in it.

Today is the day you can move past negative & self defeating thinking and treat yourself like a friend.

Today is the day you can be an inspiration for yourself and others.

Today is the day you can accept and love yourself as your are right now and commit to improving your life through fitness.

It does not matter how out of shape you may be. It does not matter how far off course you have gotten. It does not matter how far you have to go. What matters is that today is the day to get up and take charge of your health and fitness! Gain wisdom from yesterday, prepare for tomorrow, and rock the hell out of today!

It won’t be easy, but any worthwhile endeavor is going to be hard at times. Embrace the challenge that lies ahead and believe in yourself. Overcoming challenges is what makes us stronger. When things get tough, be tougher. Mental and emotional strength lead to physical strength. Learn to overcome yourself and the Excuse Monster, and you will be amazed at how far you can go. All you have is today, so make it count. Can you get up and take a walk? Can you swap out soda for water? Can you go to bed a bit earlier to get better rest? That’s all it

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takes to get moving in the right direction. Just do something positive for yourself today. Then do it again tomorrow. Then the day after that. Over time, you will be amazed at what will happen. Your energy will improve. You will feel stronger. Your confidence will grow. Your mood will brighten. And with time, your clothes will start getting looser. Before you know it, you will feel stronger and more confident. Making the effort to pursue fitness is well worth it. You will be glad you did it.

What you do today will influence your life tomorrow. Make it count! You got this! Today is the day!

Action Step: What can you do to make today count? Go for it!

Chapter 2: More than a Feeling!

Motivation is powerful.

Motivation dictates everything we do and don’t do.

Motivation fuels us to take on challenging tasks.

Motivation is a fire that can change our lives for the better.

Motivation is at the heart of our fitness journeys.

Motivation may be many things; however, it’s not a feeling. That may catch you by surprise. Especially if you have been waiting for the Motivation Fairy to come sprinkle some magic dust on you that will make you want to exercise and eat better. Motivation is often confused with inspiration, which is an emotion. Inspiration is the warm and exciting feeling we get when we dare to visualize something amazing for ourselves. It’s the powerful surge of emotion that floods our hearts when we see someone overcome the odds to achieve something incredible. Inspiration is important, but it’s not motivation.

If motivation isn’t a feeling, what is it? Motivation is an inner drive to act or behave in a certain manner. And this inner drive is based on two things: Avoiding pain & gaining pleasure.

Everything we do, or don’t do is to avoid pain, gain pleasure, or a combination of the two. It’s that simple. It’s how we are wired as human beings.

Every day we are faced with many different options when it comes to avoiding pain and gaining pleasure. These choices are mostly determined by whether we have a short or long term mindset. A short term mindset is based on gaining instant pleasure/gratification and avoiding instant pain. Here are two examples of instant pleasure seeking combined with instant pain avoidance:

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Skipping a workout Eating candy

When it comes to skipping the workout, you get the instant pleasure of another hour in your comfy bed while simultaneously avoiding the pain of burning muscles. Eating candy brings the instant pleasure of flavor and satisfaction while avoiding the pain of a craving. Now don’t get me wrong, we all skip workouts and have candy. The issue is that when we are stuck in the short term mindset we tend to miss a lot (if not all) workouts and eat a lot of candy (or other stuff that we know is holding us back). This leads to long term issues like illness, disease, excess body fat, a lack of energy, depression, and a host of other unpleasant things. We sacrifice long term pleasure and comfort in the pursuit of instant gratification. It’s as if we put our health and fitness on a credit card. Eventually we wind up in debt to ourselves. And sadly, we end up paying with our health, happiness, quality and even quantity of life.

On the flip side, a long term mindset delays gratification and takes instant pain head on. Here are two examples of how this works out:

Doing a workout Eating a salad

When I first started out exercising, doing a workout hardly brought me any instant pleasure. However, it brought plenty of instant pain. The burn of exercise can be intense and quite unpleasant. It’s no wonder we avoid it. I have found ways to exercise that are fun, but I still hate doing pull-ups. They suck! However, I do them. Why? Because I have a long term viewpoint when it comes to my workouts. I know the long term pleasure of being fit and strong is worth the pain of doing the pull-ups. The same holds true with eating a salad (or other healthy food that isn’t as tasty as cake). I’d much rather live on a steady diet of ice cream, cookies and chicken wings. However, I realize eating healthy foods more often than not will lead to me feeling, performing and looking better and better. I like waking up feeling great. I like having energy. I like being healthy. All of these are strongly influenced by what I choose to put into my body. I want long term health and fitness. That means I need to make long term choices with my movement, nourishment, and recharging. I can’t give into every little temptation that comes my way. The same holds true for you. If you are currently in debt when it comes to your level of fitness, chances are you have been living with a short term mindset.

I have lived with both mindsets. I can tell you from experience, the long term vision may be tougher and more challenging, but it changed my life for the better. It allowed me to go from fat to fit. It empowered me to complete 17 different fitness and nutrition certification programs. It gave me the determination to do a 20 year career in the Army. I had to gave up some short term pleasure and dive head first into short term pain, but it was absolutely worth it. I’m now enjoying long term pleasure because I had the foresight to build the kind of life I wanted to live.

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So, how do you move from a short term mindset into a long term one? I’ll go deeper into that in the next few chapters. I’ll provide you with some powerful activities that will allow you to tap into the power of avoiding pain and gaining pleasure. This new mindset will help you shatter excuses, overcome temptations, and get life changing results.

Action Step: Something to think about: How will a long term vision about your life change your current choices?

Chapter 3: Foresight is 20/20.

It’s Friday night and you can’t wait to try out the hottest new restaurant in town. When you arrive, everything is perfect! The interior is beautiful. The smell of delicious food fills the air as you sit down at a beautiful candlelit table. A waiter walks up in a crisp clean uniform and says:

“Welcome! I am so happy you are here on this special evening. The chef has been in the kitchen all day working on some culinary masterpieces. I’m certain that it will be one of the most delicious meals you have ever had. Now, before you order, I want to let you know one itty-bitty detail….after eating here tonight, you have a 75% chance getting a nasty case of food poisoning that will ruin your weekend. Aside from that things will be amazing! Can I start you off with an appetizer?”

Would you stick around and play the odds of getting food poisoning? Anyone in their right mind would choose to immediately head for the nearest exit! Why? Because food poisoning sucks! Being sick is painful. And since we are motivated to avoid pain, this one is a no brainer.

I have another question, what percentage of illness and disease in the United States is caused by choices? Hint, the answer is up above. Yep, 75%. Think about that for a moment. 75% of illness and disease is preventable and within our power to influence!

There are many factors that contribute to the preventable 75% of sickness and disease. I will list what I believe are the 6 most common ones:

Lack of Movement: Our culture has made it ridiculously easy to sit around and do nothing physical. We sit at work, sit when we drive, and then come home and sit down on the couch.

Lack of Nutrition: We eat low quality foods in excess. Too many calories, not enough nutrients.

Tobacco: Thankfully, our culture has made being a smoker/tobacco user much more challenging. The days of everyone lighting up in the office are long gone. However, some people still choose to use these products despite the health risks.

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Alcohol: Not only do we sit around watching too much television, we are bombarded with commercials showing fit and vibrant people drinking alcoholic beverages in fancy nightclubs. In small amounts alcohol is not going to make a big impact either way. However, some people go far beyond a couple of drinks per week.

Stress: Life is full of stress. Kids, work, school, money, etc. That alone is enough stress, but then we add extra stress in other ways. We are way to uptight and wound up. We turn small incidents into full blown Lifetime Network dramas. We worry about stuff that never happens and get worked up over things that just don’t matter.

Sleep: We sacrifice sleep for work that can wait. We sacrifice sleep to stay up late watching the television show or the local news (which adds stress and keeps us awake even longer). Smartphones also make getting to sleep more challenging. I know I have lost some shut-eye checking Facebook just one more time.

These six things are diminishing the quality and quantity of our lives. Even though we know this, many people are still not motivated to take action to prevent the 75%. Why? Once again, this goes back what I discussed in the last chapter. We are too focused on the short term and ignore the long term consequences of our immediate actions. When faced with immediate danger or the threat of pain we are great at taking action. The idea of a weekend with food poisoning is scary and powerful enough to get us out of that restaurant. The problem is most illness and disease builds over time. You don’t just wake up and suddenly have high blood pressure, Type II Diabetes or cancer. Because these threats aren’t in the immediate future, we don’t attach any fear or negative emotions to them. That can get us into trouble. I know this from experience.

For several years leading up to 2009, I was on a path that was full of unhealthy choices. I rarely exercised. I ate and drank whatever and whenever I wanted. I was stressed out, anxious and depressed. I was going through a can of tobacco every day and it was quite common for me to knock back a six-pack of beer in the evening. I had a big belly and felt like crap. My mood and energy were low while my blood pressure and bad cholesterol were high. I seemed to be doing everything I could to make sure my future was full of illness and disease. Thankfully I made the decision in July 2009 to take action and create a new path. I was fed up and ready to build a more fit and healthy future for myself. Looking back, I am so grateful that I made that choice. I do not want to imagine where I’d be right now if I had stayed on the unhealthy path.

It’s time for an exercise called ‘Foresight is 20/20’. Think about a dumb-dumb mistake that you made in the past that caused you and/or others pain. I remember a time I was trying to show off to a couple of girls while driving a car. I thought it would be cool to hit a big puddle and make a huge splash. I ended up making quite a splash! I also ended up making quite a crash! I lost control and hit a telephone pole. The car was totaled. Luckily no one was hurt, but I ended up paying hundreds of dollars in damages not to mention a bruised ego. I’m not one who believes in holding onto regret; however, I’d

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love to have the ability to travel back in time and have a little talk with my younger self before getting into the car that day. As they say, hindsight is 20/20.

Action Step: Think about where you want to be in 5, 10, even 20+ years down the road. What kind of advice would they give you when it comes to your current choices? What would they want you to do today to increase their chances of being fit, healthy and happy? Write down what comes to mind. Remember, your future self is counting on you to take care of them today!

Chapter 4: A Day at the Beach.

It’s a beautiful day at the beach. You are sitting on a comfy chair watching the waves crash onto the sand. You are enjoying a relaxing vacation without a care in the world. If I walked up to you at this precise moment and asked you to go run 100 yards, what would you do? Chances are you would give me a crazy look and go right back to enjoying the sunny day. I would do the same.

Now, lets say a few minutes later you see a hungry lion running straight for you, what are you going to do? I’m willing to bet you will be up and running at a record pace! Why? Because you are trying to avoid some serious pain…..or worse! I have never been attacked by a lion, but I assume it’s not a pleasant experience.

The chances of an actual lion attack on a beach are pretty much nonexistent, but we all face figurative lions in life. ‘Lions’ are simply the negative and painful consequences you want to avoid when it comes to your health and fitness (or anything else in life).

Since we are motivated by avoiding pain, learning to identify and avoid lions is important. The lions I want you to focus on are the ones that you have the ability to directly influence. Remember, 75% of the lions that are created by illness and disease are based on our choices. We can’t prevent all lion attacks, but we can do our best to keep as many from happening as possible.

It’s time for you to sit down and take an honest look at your current level of health and fitness. Are you dealing with lions right now that are bringing you pain? When I was overweight and out of shape I had invited many lions into my life. I was depressed, unhappy, uninspired, lethargic, and overall felt like dirt. I was dealing with the pain that my choices were causing me. I was inviting lions into my life along with the pain they brought. Look over the list of the big six from the last chapter. Which of these areas do you think are bringing lions into your life? For example you can write down: “Because I have chosen to eat lots of food that lack nutrients, I feel worn down a tired most of the time.”

After you write down all the negative consequences your past choices have caused you, it’s time to visualize what kinds of lions are waiting for you in the future if you continue

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down the same path. For example, if you are a smoker there is a high chance that the lung cancer lion may be waiting for you. If you choose to sit around and get little or no activity, the joint pain lion could be part of your future. If you eat and drink whatever you want/whenever you want, the Diabetes lion may be lurking around in your future.

Sitting down and getting real about the choices and potential consequences of your choices can be painful. I believe some healthy pain can be excellent if it creates the motivation to take positive action. This isn’t about fear mongering or self loathing. It’s not about beating yourself up. It’s about stepping up and accepting 100% responsibility for what you can control when it comes to your health and fitness. And what can you control? Your choices. Are your choices leading you towards or away from lions? Be careful here, too many people live with the ‘It will never happen to me’ mindset. Sadly, it does happen to a lot of people. As I mentioned in the last chapter, 75% of illness and disease is preventable and based on choices. Don’t go into denial. Assume that lions will be waiting if you continue down the same path. And make sure that you are looking for lions and not kittens. Your lions need to have some teeth! They need to be strong enough to get you to take action. Here are some of the lions I have identified that I want to keep out of my life:

Getting sick Disease Hospitals Weakness (mental & physical) Being overweight (tight pants are no fun!) Depression Lethargy Physical pain and stiffness An early grave

Remember, I used to be the poster child for unhealthy choices. I know what it’s like to wake up surrounded by lions, so please do not be too hard on yourself. The fact that you are reading this book shows that you are actively working on making new choices in your life. You can’t go back and change the past, but you can influence the future. Think ahead: Foresight is 20/20.

Action Step: Write down your current and future lions. Are they fearsome enough to motivate you to take action? What can you start doing today to chase them away?

Chapter 5: Another Day at the Beach

It’s a beautiful day at the beach. You are sitting on a comfy chair watching the waves crash onto the sand. You are once again on vacation without a care in the world….wait a sec, didn’t we just got over this in the last chapter? Keep reading……

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Just like before, I am going to walk up and ask you to run 100 yards. I assume that you will give me another crazy look and go back to relaxing. This time, things are different. Instead of a scary lion headed straight for you, there is now a treasure chest 100 yards away filled with $1,000,000! It’s all yours if you run there right now. Unless you are already rich, I think it’s a safe bet that you are headed right for the treasure chest as fast as possible! Why? Because a million dollars can provide some serious pleasure. If the idea of $1,000,000 does not excite you, then think of something that you would be willing to run towards. One image that I think of is when loved ones run towards each other who have been apart for a long period of time. We all love those videos of military members sprinting towards loved ones after a long deployment. They don’t lolly-gag and walk slowly when they see their family, they RUN! They are motivated!

This is about finding what brings you pleasure. It’s about finding your ‘Million Dollar Motivation’. The reason I use $1,000,000 is because sometimes we try to motivate ourselves with one dollar motivation, which is not enough. Would you get up and run for a buck? Would you get up to run towards a person you barely knew in high school? Probably not! Another example is something weak like ‘I want to eat better so I can lose weight for a cruise in 3 weeks.’. That is nowhere near powerful enough to elicit lasting behavior change. It may help you avoid cookies for a few weeks, but once the cruise is over, then what? It’s going to take a lot more than a cruise, wedding or high school reunion to give you enough motivation to overcome the challenges that await you. Getting fit is tough! It’s darn near impossible if you lack powerful reasons to take action.

That’s why it’s important to think of what you REALLY want when it comes to your fitness (and any area of your life for that matter).

This is the opposite of avoiding lions. This is about getting creative and thinking of all the good, wonderful, and amazing things that fitness can add to your life. Find the big reasons that create a sense of positive emotions inside of you. Seek out examples that are long lasting. Here are some of my examples of $1,000,000 motivation:

Being healthy Being strong (mentally & physically) Confidence Self esteem Feeling great Adding to the quality and quantity of my life Setting a positive example for people I care about Increased energy Improve mood and sense of wellbeing Doing handstands and playing on the monkey bars

Notice, none of these examples are based on specific events. They are build upon a desire for lasting pleasure via being fit. Of course I have temporary things that I get fired up about. I spent half of last year training my tail off for a challenging fitness certification that included a rigorous test at the end. I was motivated to show up, kick

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ass, and earn that certification. It was strong enough to keep me on course month after month. However, once I left that event, that source of motivation was gone. That’s why it’s so important to create a lasting vision for what you want to gain in life. Temporary reasons come and go; however, deep motivation rooted in permanent reasons will keep fueling your motivation long term. Even though the certification was over, I had plenty of other reasons to keep moving forward on my fitness journey. There is nothing wrong with short term/event based motivation. Just make sure that you have plenty of long term motivation to keep you headed in the right direction when you don’t have something specific that you are pursuing.

Bottom line, I want to live as long as possible while maintaining high levels of health and fitness. I know this will never change. I can’t imagine a day where I wake up wanting to feel like crap again. There are a lot of things I want to do and see in this lifetime, and being fit makes a positive impact on just about every area of my life. I have vacations to take, future grandkids to play with, and lots of fun times ahead. I want to be fully present and able to enjoy the years ahead of me. I’m confident that you do too. Discover your $1,000,000 reasons, and you will find it’s much easier to get and stay on course when you know you are working towards something worthwhile, inspirational, and life enhancing.

Action Step: Sit down and write down a list (the longer the better) of all the positive things that you can gain by taking action on getting more fit. How will your life be better by gaining these things? How will being fit increase your pleasure in life?

Chapter 6: Gaining Fitness vs. Losing Weight

I think it’s accurate to say that about 99.9999% of people embark on a fitness journey with the primary focus on losing weight. This is often due to our desire to look our best. Besides, no one likes the way pants feel when they are too tight. So, is making weight loss the primary reason we exercise and eat healthy? I don’t think so. In fact, I think chasing weight loss is a perpetual endeavor that rarely turns out how we want it to. When is the last time you were 100% happy with your weight? Regardless of your size, I assume the year started with a ’19’ if ever at all. Some people have been trying to lose weight for decades. I constantly see people chasing a magic number on the scale that they believe will make them happy.

Unfortunately, the daily dance with the bathroom scale is not a good experience at all. When the number is down, yippie! But if it doesn’t change, or worse, goes up, we feel like crap. Why keep living this way? Why keep setting yourself up for frustration? It’s time to ditch the scale and find a new dance partner who won’t keep stepping on your toes (and feelings).

I’m not against anyone wanting to change the shape and size of their body. My own fitness transformation resulted in a 25% reduction of my total body weight. We all want to look fit and healthy. I’m cool with that. The trouble I have is when people put all their

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effort and energy into the pursuit of weight loss. There is so much more to fitness than your percentage of body fat. That’s why I encourage you to try a new approach to your fitness journey. Instead of focusing on losing weight, set your sights on gaining fitness.

Shifting the focus off of weight loss can be scary and uncomfortable. We love the idea that we can control our weight, so we get caught up with counting calories in and calories out. We meticulously and even obsessively track our food, movement, and weight…..hoping that the number on the scale goes down. More often than not, the numbers just end up ticking us off. And when we do reach a number we like, we then worry about maintaining that number. I used to be hung up on a certain size I wanted my waistline to be. It was frustrating to say the least. I wasn’t enjoying the journey and despite my efforts, I never did get my tummy the size I wanted it. Eventually I got fed up with chasing numbers. I made the shift from aesthetics to performance a little over a year ago. I’m now to the point where I just don’t care about the numbers anymore. I haven’t weighed myself in 18 months. It has been absolutely liberating to not worry about my weight or size. Now, that does not mean I don’t care about looking good. It just means that my weight and size are not my main focus. Besides, weight loss has about as much thrill and excitement as watching grass grow.

So, how do you change from a weight loss to a fitness gain mindset? Start off by listing all the benefits of eating healthy and exercising that aren’t directly connected with weight loss. Here are some great examples of gaining fitness:

Gaining strength Gaining flexibility and mobility Gaining energy Gaining a better mood Gaining healthy blood pressure and cholesterol numbers Gaining better sleep Gaining confidence Gaining self-esteem Gaining quality of life Gaining a longer life Gaining new hobbies Gaining endorphins (which make us feel good) Gaining mental toughness Gaining a sense of accomplishment Gaining improved sexual function (insert wolf howling sound effect here) Gaining new friends Gaining the ability to inspire others

One might argue that all of these things are the result of losing weight. I believe the opposite. When you gain all the things above through healthy behaviors, the fat will take care of itself without having to fuss and worry about it. The end result is the same, but the path towards gaining fitness is a lot more enjoyable and sustainable. It’s also a lot less stressful when you back away from needing to reach a certain number and

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instead pursue higher levels of strength or endurance. Instead of trying to lose five pounds, work on gaining the strength to add five more pushups to each workout. Or perhaps you can sign up for an obstacle course and train hard to gain the strength, agility and endurance you need to crush the course. Training for a specific event can be a lot of fun. One of my clients even went as far as to build obstacles in her yard to train on with her friends. That’s what gaining fitness is all about. It’s about gaining a new life and having fun along the way.

Action Step: Toss your scale into the trash. You won’t be needing it anymore. Now, write down a list of the benefits you get from being fit that have nothing to do with your weight.

Chapter 7: Fitness spills over

Will taking an accounting class improve your pushups? Probably not, but I bet being stronger physically will help you feel more energized and alert when you are trying to pay attention during an important lecture. It’s a lot easier to study and learn when you feel great. That’s how fitness works, it spills over into many other areas in life. When we feel, perform and move better, everything gets better. Of all the things you can do to positively impact your entire life, getting fit may be the most important one. Fitness is like a big light that shines on the rest of my life, making it more fulfilling and brighter. Except for taking care of my family, being fit and healthy as possible is my #1 priority.

Fitness can positively influence so many areas of life. It improves our mood, increases energy, helps to reduce/eliminate chronic pain, and gives us a better sense of wellbeing. These positive benefits spill over into all areas of life. When our moods can improve, we tend to be a lot easier to be around. Better moods also help us strengthen and build our relationships. When we are able to move better, we can try new things that may have been beyond our previous capabilities. When we feel better, life is simply a lot more enjoyable. Anyone who has spent any time playing with little kids can appreciate the energy it takes to try keep up!

Whether you are working on a college degree, leading a big project at work, or moving to a new city, being fit will improve your chances of success. Remember: How you feel = How you perform. Even if your goal is to win a hot dog eating contest, having a fit and strong core will help! However, I do encourage you to pursue other endeavors if you want to compete in an event.

Action Step: Think about all the things that are important to you in life. How many of them would be improved/enhanced as a result of getting more fit? What are some ways you can see them improving?

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Part 2: You got this! (Confidence)

Chapter 8: It’s up to you!

Remember back when you were a kid, and the only thing you were responsible for was a pet fish? Those were the days! Since you aren’t a kid anymore, it’s safe to assume there are a lot of things that fall under your umbrella of responsibility these days. Your level of fitness is one of them. Taking 100% responsibility for your fitness is a big step. Because once you do, things like rationalizations, excuses, blame and justifications go out the window. It’s time to step up and own the body you live in.

Now, does that mean you have 100% control over your level of fitness? Of course not. In fact, there is very little in life that we do have control over, but that’s a topic for a later chapter. But just because we are not in control of something, does not mean it’s outside our realm of responsibility. Right now, both of my kids are at school. As their Dad, I’m responsible for them. However, at this moment or (anytime for that matter), I am not in control of them. They are free willed little human beings who are learning, growing and exploring. If one of them breaks a window, who is responsible to pay for it? I’ll let common sense answer that question. Even though a broken window is not my direct fault, it’s my responsibility to fix it. That’s part of being a responsible grown up.

Let’s say you are walking through the park and out of nowhere, you get hit in the foot by a falling meteor. Not only has this cosmic nugget of rock broken your foot, it has also ruined a brand new pair of shoes. Once the shock of this situation passes you have two paths that you can take:

Path 1: Blame someone/something else Path 2: Accept 100% responsibility

Path 1: You immediately go into ‘blame mode’. You think to yourself: “How dare this rock fall out of the sky and hurt me! I don’t deserve this. It’s not my fault. This rock had better call an ambulance and take care of me!” You pick the space rock up and slam it onto the ground. You yell at it. You call it every unkind name in the book. All the while, your foot is hurting more and more. You need medical attention, but refuse to take action because you didn’t do anything wrong. Why should you even lift a finger when you are innocent?

Because you never got the medical attention you needed, your foot never completely heals. You deal with a lot of chronic pain. There is an excellent therapy program that will help you make a full recovery, but you refuse to participate. You still expect the meteorite to fix you. If it hadn’t of fallen from the sky, you would not be in the predicament you are in. You feel sorry for yourself and complain to others about the

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dangers of meteors. You spend the rest of your life limping around, hating rocks, and feeling sorry for yourself.

Path 2: You cuss the rock out, and then call 911. You are mad, but realize that even though the rock hurt you, it’s up to you to take care of your foot. You follow the doctor’s advice and fully participate in a rehab program. You are upset, but you don’t let it stop you from getting your foot back to 100% as soon as possible. You also understand that there were signs all over the park that warned of it being a ‘Meteor Zone’. You accepted the risks, and chose to walk in the park anyways. You take full responsibility for the condition of your foot, even though it wasn’t fully your fault. Within 2 months your foot is back to normal. You have learned a valuable lesson and now avoid that park (and meteor showers).

You may say ‘But I have been dealing with an illness, injury, crazy work schedule, small kids that consume my time, college classes, etc.….’ I get it. You have some challenges that you are facing. Some of which are serious, even life threatening (Last year I had a client who was going through radiation treatment for cancer). Outside influences do affect our lives and can make it really hard to take action. However, we are still 100% responsible for our actions DESPITE our circumstances. Some people have to overcome a lot more than others to get results. Accepting that life is not fair is another big part of responsibility. I don’t make the rules. Life is life.

Taking responsibility tends to affect every area of your life. Look at the chart below and see which mindset you have more often than not. If you find that you are taking the blame route, simply switch your mindset to the corresponding responsible option. It may take time to learn new thought patterns, but it will change your life.

Blame Mindset Responsible Mindset

It’s not my fault! Someone else needs to fix this!

It’s not my fault, but I need to fix this!

I need someone to rescue me! I need to get off my ass and rescue myself!

Why me? Oh well, time to move on.

My whole family is overweight. My genetics are going to keep me fat the rest

of my life!

I’m not going to let my genes keep me out of smaller jeans!

It's too expensive to eat healthy. Corporate America is out to get me!

It may be hard, but I WILL figure out a way to feed my family healthy foods and stay

within a budget.

My boss is a jerk, I am too stressed to work out.

Time to take a boxing class! I will envision my boss every time I throw a punch/kick!

All this traffic is making my blood pressure skyrocket!

My negative reaction to this traffic is making things worse. I’m going to chill

out and relax.

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Bottom line, it’s up to you!

Action Step: Is there a particular area(s) in life where you can see the need to take more responsibility? If so, what can you do about it?

Chapter 9: The Human Paradox

If I only exercised when I was in the mood, I’d work out about five times a year. I don’t exercise because I feel like it, I exercise because of how it makes me feel.

The quote above is from my book Operation Motivation - The Ultimate Guide to Crush your Fitness Excuses. You would think that the person who wrote the book on fitness motivation would wake up at 4:00 in the morning excited and fired up to work, work, work until the sun goes down and do it all again the next day. Hardly! I struggle with the feeling of laziness on a daily basis. I love taking it easy and relaxing. If napping was an olympic event, I’d have a wall full of gold medals. At any given moment, I pretty much feel like sitting on my recliner eating cheesecake while watching old episodes of Night Rider. My instinct is to avoid just about anything that requires any type of mental, emotional or physical effort.

So, if I don’t feel like doing much, how on earth did I complete a successful career as a senior leader in the Army? How did I go from fat to fit? How did I learn, study and earn 17 different health & fitness certifications/specializations? How did I launch and build a successful business?

The answer is simple, I took action regardless of whether I felt like doing it or not. My future vision was strong enough for me to move past the feelings of laziness and resistance that stood in my way.

I used to feel bad because I never have liked hard work. I felt guilty as if I was missing the ‘I love to work’ gene. I have since learned that we are wired to take the path of least resistance. We are always on the lookout for a faster and easier way to do things. The popularity of things like remote controls, and microwave dinners, and cruise control are a testament to our desire to make things easier for ourselves. 99 out of 100 people prefer vacation over work. I love my job, but I still prefer my time off. Why? Because we are designed to take the path of least resistance. Not only does it seem to be hard wired into our brains, it is re-enforced by our culture. Everywhere you look, someone is promoting another quick and easy solution to a problem. Our instincts tell us to just do the bare minimum. However, when we do just enough to get by, it often leads to far less than optimal levels of fitness (or satisfaction/fulfillment in life). There are some amazing things beyond the borders of our comfort zone.

It’s important to acknowledge and accept that when it comes to making positive changes, it will require doing things you don’t feel like doing. You will have to overcome

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daily resistance when it comes to taking action. Don’t let it get you down. Feelings are powerful, but they are just feelings. We have the ability to move through just about any emotional state and still get the task at hand accomplished. It comes down to mental toughness and the desire for better things in life.

The Human Paradox is based on the idea that we are wired to take the path of least resistance, but in order to thrive and flourish it requires us to take the path of more resistance. Our feelings tell us to take the straight and easy path (which is also boring). However, we know all the fun is on the more challenging scenic route. Just about any worthwhile endeavor in life requires hard work, dedication, commitment, patience, discipline, and consistency. While we might feel like taking the night off, taking an hour to study will increase our knowledge. While we might feel like sleeping in, getting up and exercising will build our strength. While we may feel like ordering take-out, cooking a healthy meal will improve our fitness.

That does not mean getting fit is all drudgery. Not even close! I just want to make it clear that it will require taking action regardless of how you feel. Part of making the journey more enjoyable is by embracing the challenge that lies ahead. I’ll cover that in the next chapter.

Action Step: What positive action(s) have you been avoiding because you don’t feel like doing it? What is holding you back and what will it take to overcome it?

Chapter 10: Embrace the Challenge

As I mentioned in the last chapter, we tend to struggle when it comes to doing difficult things. But that’s not a reason to avoid them. In fact, we should do the opposite and embrace the challenges that await us. It’s time to flip fear, resistance, and laziness the bird. Yeah, it’s going to be tough, but doing things the easy way doesn’t make us stronger.

Our culture has put a negative spin on words like discipline, commitment, and dedication. ‘Work smarter, not harder’ is a common mindset people live by as they run, dash, and jump away from anything that takes them outside of their comfort zone. How are you supposed to get better if you avoid the hard stuff in life? Granted, I don’t like hard work, but I embrace the challenge because I know that it’s the hard things that make me grow. Ever seen a butterfly leave a cocoon? It’s not easy at all! In fact, the mere act of escaping the shell is a vital part of developing necessary strength for its survival. Does this mean that every step of your fitness journey is going to be hard and difficult? No way! I just want you to be prepared to face the challenges that are ahead with optimism and tenacity.

I believe that making the fitness journey fun and positive are crucial for long term success. That’s why it’s so important to start looking at the challenges ahead with positive viewpoint. Make it fun! Embrace and welcome the struggles that lie ahead. A

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great example of this kind of ‘Bring it on!’ attitude is shown in a scene from the movie Forest Gump. Forest and Lieutenant Dan are in the Gulf of Mexico on a shrimp boat during an intense hurricane. Lieutenant Dan is perched up on the top of a ship’s mast during the height of the storm. He isn’t hiding from the wind. He isn’t whining that the rough seas are giving him a tummy ache. He isn’t looking for an easier route. Not even close! Instead, he is doing the complete opposite. He is pumping his fist into the air yelling, laughing, and facing the storm head on. He is having the time of his life. Not only is he embracing the challenge, he is thriving on it. In fact, this scene is a pivotal point in the plot where he goes from feeling and acting like a victim to a strong and confident victor. He lets go of the self-pity from having his legs amputated and goes on to build a great life for himself. The storm didn’t change him. He changed his perspective and attitude, and his entire world changed.

When things get tough, and they will, you have two choices. You can go down below deck, hide under a blankie, and wait for things to get easier or you can stand up, put a fist into the air, and embrace the challenge. Tough workout ahead? Good! A hard workout builds strength, confidence, self esteem, and a sense of accomplishment. Hard work isn’t a bad thing at all. Yes, it might suck at times while doing it, but the anxiety that precedes it is often worse than the actual task itself (except for pull-ups…they are damn tough). Each time you overcome the challenge, it will get a little easier the next time. Sometimes people comment that I make certain fitness moves look easy. In some cases, genetics and my body size play a big role. However, I also have spent years working out and challenging my body to do new things. The first time I did a pistol squat (single leg full squat), it looked beyond rough. I struggled, shook and wobbled all the way up. I looked like a newborn deer taking its first steps. Even though pistol squats are hard, I include them in just about every workout. And guess what: I’m getting better at them. Some days, I even make them look easy. It’s a matter of looking beyond the burn and discomfort and seeing the benefits of doing them.Yes, pistol squats look cool, but that’s not the main reason I keep doing them. I do them because they are hard. I do them because they have taken my confidence to a new level. I do them because I know deep down what it took to earn them. Each time I make it all the way up and down through the full range of motion, I feel good about myself. Conquering challenges can be a blast!

Writing this book has been a big challenge for me. I’m only on chapter 10, with many more to go. That’s a LOT of work on the horizon. But I know that writing, completing, and publishing this book is going to make me mentally and emotionally stronger, not to mention how many people it will impact.

Feelings of fear, laziness, and apathy, are just mindsets. It’s when we allow them to become roadblocks that they become problems. You are in charge of your thoughts. You control what mindset you want to focus on. I suggest building your ‘ConFITdence!’

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What is ‘ConFITdence!’? ConFITdence is:

An attitude that seeks out the path of progress instead of least resistance. An attitude that is positive and self-encouraging. An attitude that moves you forward despite how you feel. An attitude that crushes mediocrity. An attitude that sees challenges as a beneficial and necessary aspect of growth. An attitude that accepts 100% responsibility for your fitness. An attitude that finds ways to make fitness fun and enjoyable. An attitude that embraces and overcomes challenges.

So the next time you are facing a storm of challenges, climb up on that mast and face it like a champ! It won’t be easy, but each time you do it, you will be glad that you did. I have found that peace of mind and embracing the challenge go hand in hand in my mind. When I hide from hard work, I feel anxiety and a sense that I letting myself down. However, when I do what I gotta do, and make the most of it, I feel great. Embrace the challenge and have faith that the hard work, discipline, dedication and commitment will pay off. It may take longer than you want, but when you work smart AND hard, good results will come!

Action Step: What challenge have you been avoiding? How will your life improve by embracing this challenge?

Chapter 11: Think Strong!

What is the best piece of fitness equipment? I believe it’s the human brain. Why? Because everything starts between our ears. How we choose to view and perceive the world determines our attitudes, which directly influences the choices we make each day. It also affects our energy and mood. You can hire the world’s best trainer, train in the best gym, using the best equipment, but if your head isn’t into the game, you are setting yourself up for trouble. And by ‘head in the game’, I mean taking a positive and mentally tough approach to your fitness journey. This is especially important when it comes to exercise. How we mentally set ourselves up for the workout will determine how it goes. Don’t worry, I’m not going to ask you to repeat a cheesy affirmation every time you do a pushup. However, I am going to provide you with some ideas that can help you strengthen your mindset in order to maximize your efforts and enjoy the process. Fitness is not just about physical strength, but also mental and emotional strength. Also when it comes to mental toughness, I’m not talking about being a rigid hard-ass who thinks that everything is a battle that must be conquered. That kind of attitude can be exhausting to maintain. I’m simply referring to challenging yourself in a positive way to overcome whatever is in front of you. It’s about turning down the volume of the Excuse Monster, and turning up the volume of the champion inside of you. It’s a quick mental pep talk to get your mind pointed in a fit direction.

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The first step is to be aware and mindful of what is crossing your mind before a workout (or any other challenging task). What are your thoughts usually like? Are they filled with fear, doubt, and worry? Or are they filled with optimism, confidence and determination? I know my mind tends to always look at the negative first. It’s just how I am wired. I have two choices, I can follow that initial negative thought all over the place until I feel awful, or I can quickly turn my attention to positive thoughts that make me feel strong and see where they lead me. That is the second step, making a decision to think strong and positive. How does that work? I’ll give you an example:

You just returned from a week long tropical cruise. You didn’t exercise once (unless you count dancing in a conga line as a workout). You allowed yourself to freely enjoy a lot of delicious food and drinks. You had a blast, but now that you are home, you feel like you let yourself completely go and some guilt starts to creep in. First off, let that go! Vacations are meant to be enjoyed! I have never met anyone on their deathbed who regretted having an extra slice of cheesecake on vacation. Actually, I have never met anyone on a deathbed…..but you get the point. It’s time to do your first workout in what seems like forever. Here are two ways your can mentally prepare yourself for all those squats, lunges and bicep curls:

Option 1: “Ugh. It’s so darn early and I’m so tired. This workout is going to suck because it’s been like fifty years since I have exercised. I feel so bloated and worn out. I should not have eaten so much. I’m certain that I have lost at least 99% of my results after taking so much time off. Well, here goes, hopefully I don’t die. But if I do, at least I won’t have to do any more damn squats!”

Option 2: “That was a great vacation! I really needed that time to reset and recharge! I’m glad I took the time off from exercise, because now my body is fully rested and ready to rock! My muscles are primed and looking for a challenge! Squats may be tough, but I’m tougher! This workout better hire a bodyguard, because I’m about to kill it!”

Which mindset do you think will lead to a better and more productive workout? Which will lead to a happier attitude? Which one will help you overcome what stands between you and your goals?

Developing mental and emotional strength is a lifelong endeavor. Reading a short chapter out a a book is just the start. Developing long term mental toughness and positivity can be really hard at first. That is completely understandable. Adopting new thought patterns takes time. Be patient and don’t freak out if the next time you start a workout your mind is partying in downtown Weakville. Just remember, at any time you can call a taxi and head over to uptown Strongville. The people there are absolutely crushing their workouts!

A great way to check your mindset is to ask yourself this: “Are my current thoughts building me up, or tearing me down?”

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Think strong = Feel strong! Feel strong = Act Strong! Act strong = Be Strong!

It all starts between the ears!

Action Step: What are some things you can say to yourself to help you starting thinking in terms of strength and confidence?

Chapter 12: Do your ears hang low?

Do Your Ears Hang Low? Do They Wobble to and Fro? Can You Tie Them in a Knot? Can You Tie Them in a Bow?

Can You Throw Them Over Your Shoulder Like a Continental Soldier? Do Your Ears Hang Low?

~Barney

Do you have stretch marks?

Are you getting wrinkles?

Do you have a pinky finger that is a bit longer than the other one?

Do you have love handles?

Are you too tall?

Are you too short?

Do you have a pocket of tummy fat that just won’t go away?

These may seem like insensitive questions, but I believe in a straight forward approach to creating a healthy body image. Most of us tend to be way too negative and serious about our body image. It’s time to have a healthy and lighthearted approach to our physical appearance. Worrying about how we look is a waste of time and energy. I’m not saying that we shouldn’t strive to look fit and healthy, but when we have an unrealistic vision of how we think we should look, we are setting ourselves up for trouble.

We all have parts of our bodies that we would like to change. As a kid, I was quite small and scrawny for my size. This carried over into adulthood. In a culture that proclaimed

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men should look big and strong like a lion, I was more like an undersized tree squirrel. I developed the mental myth that because I was small, I was not a real man. What a ridiculous, yet understandable mindset. The same holds true for the nonsense that Hollywood sends out when it comes to being a sexy and attractive woman. Photoshopped models fill magazines with their flawless skin and perfect curves. Sadly, we are duped into thinking they actually look like that. Or worse, that perfection is the key to being beautiful.

Several months ago I was featured in a story in the local newspaper. I shared the link on Facebook which included a photo of me doing a pistol squat. Someone commented on the photo saying ‘Look at them bird legs!’. At first I was pissed! I have always known that I have bird legs and felt uncomfortable about it. Now some lady I don’t even know was making fun of them. The anger quickly faded away when I realized something: She was right! I do have little bird legs! It’s not from a lack of strength or not training them. My legs are darn strong and get me from point A to point B! I just happen to have some stork somewhere in my genes. I felt liberated once I fully accepted that I will never be invited to a sexy leg contest. I’m cool with that. I’m more than my legs.

Ironically, as small as my legs are, I have no problem growing a big nose! So, I have a beak to match my bird legs. You might think I am being too hard on myself, but I am grinning from ear to ear writing this. Why? Because I am learning to not give a damn about my legs, nose, or being built like a squirrel. In fact, part of what makes me who I am is my small size. It fits my personality. I just would not be me if I was a big muscular dude. I am who I am, and I like it.

If my avian & rodent features were not enough, I am now over 40 years old. My hair is turning gray and I have wrinkles on my face. From what I can see in others, this is a trend that will continue as long as I live. I could get a facelift and start wearing a wig, but that would not change who I am or add any value to life. Getting older is part of life and I can either get upset and fight it, or I can take good care of myself and focus on being as fit and healthy as I can.

We all have features that people have made fun of, especially in the past when we were in school. Our peers can say some pretty mean stuff that we internalize and transform into our own beliefs. I still remember some of the cruel things people said about me. However, I’m now an adult. I don’t need to keep carrying around the bullshit they dumped on me. I don’t need anyone’s approval. Neither do you! And for some of us, it wasn’t just our peers, but our own family members that said negative things about us. Perhaps your mom said that you have funny looking toes or your crazy cousin said that you have lips like a sea bass. Once again, time to let go and develop your own beliefs about yourself.

Body image is a choice. We can choose to focus way to much on it, and feel the negativity that accompanies it, or we can lighten up and realize that our values as humans goes far beyond anything you can see in a mirror.

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Action Step: What can you do TODAY to start creating peace of mind with your body?

Chapter 13: You’re not in high school anymore!

I can’t tell you how many times I have heard someone say ‘If I could just have my body that I had in high school I’d be so happy!’. If you are 19 years old, chances are this is a realistic expectation. But what if you are 50 years old? Is age really just a number?

If you spend any time on social media sites like Facebook, Instagram and Pintrest, I’m sure you have seen the photos and videos of people who are in their 70s, 80s, and even 90s, performing amazing feats of strength and endurance. These pics and videos are often captioned with quotes like ‘If she can do it at 90, so can you!’ or ‘Age is just a number!’ While these can seem motivating and inspiring, I think they may be setting us up for trouble. If age is just a number, could someone please explain where all these spots, wrinkles, and gray hairs came from that I see in the mirror?

Despite what the motivation gurus might tell you, age is more than a number. A human body at age 50 functions at a different level than one at 20. As we get older, our bodies change, adapt, and some parts even start to droop. It’s part of getting older. There is no fountain of youth. There is no reversing time.

Yikes! This is chapter seems to be full of gloom and doom! Don’t worry, you should know by now that I like taking the positive route as often as possible. However, there are times when there is so much positivity and optimism that it can blind us from reality.

So, what is this ‘reality’ that I am speaking of? Age is more than a number. If you want to get fit and not break your body down in the process, it’s important to understand how this works.

Our physical bodies are in a constant state of change. The hormone levels in an 18 year old are much different than a 35 year old. Various hormones play significant roles in our lives. For men, testosterone is flowing like a flood from the teen years into the early 20s. This creates an ideal environment for the building of lean muscle. By 40, testosterone levels are way down, which changes how we feel and perform. And ladies, I’m sure you understand all too well how things are affected by your estrogen levels. If they are out of whack, pretty much everything gets out of whack. Don't even get me started on how much a thyroid issue can affect you.

So, does this mean we should just say ‘screw it’ and wait in fear for the Grim Reaper to come get us? Hell no! I plan on rocking into my 90s and hopefully one day I’ll celebrate my 100th birthday. However as I get older, I need to be mindful that my body requires more time to recover. For instance, when I was 18, it might have taken 30 hours for my body to fully recover after doing 100 squats. Today, at age 42, it may be closer to 45 hours. Does that mean I am out of shape and less fit than I was at 18? No way! I’m in

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the best shape of my life right now. I got this way because I train like I’m 42 and not 18. I give myself extra time to recover. I don’t train super hard every workout. I listen to my body and when it I’m not feeling it, I back off. I usually train 3 days a week for about 20-45 minutes. I go deeper into this topic in my free guide Move, Nourish, Recharge!, which you can access and download at www.SgtSteveCoaching.com. I encourage you to download, read and apply it to your fitness journey.

And let’s go back to that whole ‘I was better then than now’ mindset. There isn’t enough money in the world to get me to go back to being 18 again. Yeah, my physical body was a lot more youthful, but so was my mind. The peace of mind and wisdom I have now are so much more important and meaningful than having my high school body back. I was a mess at 18! No thanks!

My own aging is something that I have struggled with. I’m pretty sure we all do. The idea of our bodies wearing down and our inevitable deaths can be hard to face. That’s why I have decided that I am going to make aging as positive as I can, while also being realistic. I will focus on what I can influence, and then do my best to let go of the outcome. I’m doing my part to increase the quantity and quality of the remaining years of my life. Like a fine bottle of wine, I plan on getting better with age.

So, if you see a video of a 90 year old bench pressing a 747 airplane, just realize they are likely the exception, not the norm. And whatever you do, don’t compare your own results to theirs. Comparisons are a slippery slope we will slide down in a future chapter!

Action step: In what area(s) of fitness are you having an identity crisis? Are you beating yourself for not looking as young at 50 as you looked when you were 20? What can you do TODAY to accept who and where you are, and then move forward towards challenging yet realistic goals?

Chapter 14: What really matters?

I invest a lot into my health and fitness. I eat healthy foods most of the time and spend a few hours a week engaged in physical activity and exercise. I want to look fit and healthy. I enjoy the confidence and sense of accomplishment I feel when I see my physical results in the mirror. I’m over 40 and am often told I look like I am closer to 30. I have what our culture would consider a fit and healthy looking physique.

So, do I eat healthy and exercise just for what I see in the mirror….or is there a bigger reason? When I first started out with exercising, the results I wanted were 99% physical. I wanted a body that would turn heads at the beach. I wanted the positive attention a fit body would get me. At first, it was enough to motivate me to eat right and exercise, but it didn’t last. I was chasing numbers that I thought would make me happy. The tape measure and scale were my obsession. No matter how lean and fit I got, I still felt like something was missing. Even though I achieved the abs I worked so hard for, it

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still wasn’t good enough. The compliments I got were nice, but then I felt the pressure to maintain those results. I placed way too much emphasis on how I looked and what others thought of my body.

I slowly began to realize that there are more important reasons to eat healthy and exercise than showing off at the pool. I was tired of the stress that chasing numbers created. I was tired of comparing my results to others in a futile attempt to feel good about myself. I was tired of living up to unrealistic cultural standards of being attractive. I decided to focus on what really matters to me: Being healthy and well. I still want to look fit, but my primary focus has shifted to feeling fit. This has taken so much pressure off of me to reach a perfect weight or size. I don’t have to compete with anyone, not even myself. I just do what I can to feel my best and live as long as I can. I want to be around long enough to watch my kids grow old. I don’t just want to increase the quantity of my years, but also the quality of them. I want to be fit and active well into my golden years.

These days I am much more laid back in my approach to eating and exercise. I may not have the ripped abs like I used to, but I feel so much better. I still train hard and eat quite well, but I don’t fuss or stress over my body like I used to. I’m having a lot more fun with this approach.

Many years from now, my physical body will be nothing more than dust. That’s the reality of life. The body I have spent years building will fade back into the earth. The only thing that will remain is the impression I left on the world. How was I as a father? Did I make the world a better place? Did I help change lives for the better? Did I set a positive example that inspired others? Was I kind, considerate, and compassionate?

The more healthy and well I am, the more I can increase my chances of making a real difference in the lives of others. A flat tummy and muscular arms are nice, but living a fulfilled life with purpose, vision and peace of mind is what really matters to me.

Action Step: What really matters to you? Is that what you are focused on? Your actions will determine what really matters.

Chapter 15: Perfectiion

I collect football and baseball cards. The ones I like the most are called ‘game used cards’. These are special ones that contain some type of memorabilia from a player added into the card. For instance, some cards have a small patch of a jersey on them that the athlete wore in a game. Others have a piece of a football that was used during live action. It’s a fun way to be more connected to the game.

Over the past 20 years I have built up a nice little collection of these game used cards. Most of them are in pristine condition without a scratch on them. However, there is one with a tiny scuff the size of a squirrel’s pinky toe on it. That card used to drive me nuts! I could not stand the fact that I had a card with a slight defect on it. Now, the value of a

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card is determined by it’s condition. The difference between a perfect card and one with a teeny-tiny blemish can be hundreds and even thousands of dollars. If I was a serious collector looking to make a profit, then that type of attention to detail would be expected. But I’m not. I just do it for the fun of it. That means, there is no logical reason why I should let an itty-bitty scuff bother me. But that’s not the case. That little scratch became a real eyesore for me. Instead of seeing the beauty and vibrance of all the other cards, I was fixated on that mark. I thought about using a magic marker to color in the spot, but that would ruin the card. I even considered throwing it away so that my collection would not be flawed. Yes, that really crossed my mine! I was frustrated because there was nothing I could do to make the card perfect. It will remain scuffed for the remainder of its existence.

The same used to hold true with my body. No matter how fit or lean I got, I still focused on the little flaws that I saw instead of the big positive changes that were happening in my body and mind. I was never satisfied with my progress. If only I could just get my body right where I wanted, I would reach fitness Nirvana. I duped myself into believing that perfection = happiness. I was hung up on the notion that if I had any flaws with my body, others would see it and think less of me. What an unrealistic ideal for anyone to try and live up to. Talk about stressful!

Thankfully, I have since learned that perfection is an overrated myth. I still find myself getting too worked up about my imperfections now and then, but I quickly remind myself that my flaws make me who I am. Besides, if I was perfect, everyone would probably hate me! It’s often our own scuffs and scratches that create the perfect recipe of being an imperfect person.

After sharing the idea of this chapter with my wife, I pulled out the card that used to bother me. I pointed out the scuff. She said the only reason she saw it was because I made a big deal about it. And when she did see it, she laughed at how small it was. That’s how our imperfections tend to be…..mountains to us, molehills to the rest of the world.

You aren’t ever going to have the perfect life, body, fitness, or anything else for that matter. Go back and read that again. Doesn’t that take a lot of pressure off when you tend to be a perfectionist? It does for me. No one is keeping score, and even if they are, forget them! They need to go worry about their own life.

If you haven’t noticed by now, this book isn’t perfect. In fact, I intentionally misspelled the title of this chapter to prove a point. This book does not need to be perfect to make a positive impact on the lives of others. Just like I don’t need to have a perfect body to be fit, strong and healthy. I don’t need a perfect life to be happy. I don’t need a perfect family to share my life with. And you don’t need to be perfect either. Someone thought enough to create you just the way you are, imperfections and all!

Action Step: What ‘scuffs’ are you focused on in your life? What can you do to change your attitude towards them?

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Chapter 16: Doogie Howser

I used to compare my results to others. Either I would give myself a cheap ego boost by seeing someone more out of shape than me, or I’d make myself feel bad when I saw someone who was much fitter. After a while, I got tired of playing this mental game. I still sometimes slip into my old mindset and find myself making a comparison with someone else, but in general, it’s something I choose not to do anymore. I encourage you to do the same. Here are two big reasons why comparing our bodies, speed of results, and overall level of fitness with anyone else is a waste of energy.

1. Internal circumstances. Back in the 1980’s there was a television show called Doogie Howser, MD. It was about a 16 year old genius who was a medical doctor. The kid was mentally a genetic phenomenon. Now, if we all compared our level of intellect and ability to learn vs. his, how would we feel? When I was 16, I was barely passing basic chemistry, while this guy was practicing medicine! In the fitness world, some people have won the genetic lottery. They can eat whatever they want, have 20 kids, and get little or no exercise and still look like a bikini model or Channing Tatum. That’s just how things go. Is it fair? Heck no! But there is nothing you can do about your genetic predisposition for your body shape and size. Also, age, hormones, and other internal processes factor into the speed and level of your results. Just because someone is getting faster results or has washboard abs does not mean they are better than you. Like snowflakes, we are all different. As I mentioned before, my legs are small! They are part of how I am genetically built. If I compare them to every muscular pair of legs I see on someone else, I’ll feel bad. No thanks! I’ll just be happy with the body I was given and do my best to optimize my level of fitness.

2. External circumstances. As complex and different as we are internally, we are even more diverse in our external lives. Here is an example of how our external circumstances and environment factor into our results. You have two garages with two cars. Both cars are exactly the same. Both drivers are equally skilled at driving. Both drivers are taking a 25 mile trip to a park. Car ‘A’ pulls out of the garage and gets onto a freeway that leads straight to the park. No stoplights, no traffic, no hairpin curves, and skies are clear. Car ‘A’ arrives at the park in about 30 minutes.

Now, you are not in car ‘A’. Instead you are in car ‘B’. Remember, you are just as good of a driver as the one in car ‘A’ with the exact same make and model of vehicle. You pull out of the garage for your 25 mile drive to the park. It’s snowing like crazy and the road is full of hills and curves. The roads are icy and the wind is howling. It takes you 3 hours to drive the 25 miles.

Now, is it fair to compare your trip with the person in car ‘A’? Of course not! Yet we do it all the time. We compare ourselves to the people in other cars and wonder what we are doing wrong. When it comes to fitness results, some people work just one part time while others work 2 full time jobs. Some people have small kids and little free time to

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themselves, while others have personal fitness trainers and executive chefs. We all live different lives with varied circumstances. To compare our journey to someone else’s is just plain ridiculous. The only road you need to be concerned with is the one you are driving on. If you are in a blizzard, slow down, but keep going. Don’t let slow results discourage you. You may be tempted to pull over and quit, but no one is coming to rescue you. It’s up to you to keep moving forward, even if it’s only inches at a time. And yes, some people will fly by you. Oh well, you have no idea what kind of road they are on. Focus on what you can do and stay the course. With patience, persistence, and tenacity, you will make it to your destination and beyond. And if you see someone doing something you are unable to do yet, don’t let it discourage you, let it encourage you! I used to watch videos of people doing amazing feats of physical strength. Instead of saying ‘lucky them’, I decided to learn to do them myself. Now I am able to do things that once seemed impossible. Stay in your lane, do the best with what you have and kick-ass along your path! You got this!

And a final note, after fracturing my spine 11 weeks ago (from a gymnastics accident), I find myself comparing where I was (elite level of fitness) to where I am now (back to the basics). I have learned that comparing myself to where I was three months ago is a frustrating endeavor. Yes, I’ll get my strength and mojo back when it comes to physical strength, but to beat myself up mentally because I’m not where I used to be is not fair or right to do. I didn’t hurt myself on purpose and after a serious fall, it takes time to recover. All I can do is my best today and work on being stronger every day. I’ll go much deeper into this experience in a later chapter. Breaking my spine has been full of valuable lessons and wisdom.

Action step: How can you learn to stop comparing yourself to others? How will it feel to only focus on your own results?

Chapter 17: Who cares?

We do a class every Thursday at my boot camp for women called ‘Recharge’. It’s a blend of mobility and flexibility moves to help my clients feel and perform better. It’s also a great way to relax and unwind. I recommend that my clients go barefooted so that they can have an easier to time with some of the poses and movements.

I noticed that some of the ladies kept their socks on. While they used the excuse that their feet were cold, I eventually uncovered the truth to their covered feet: They needed a pedicure and didn’t want anyone seeing their toes. This led to me checking out pedicures and giving out compliments to fancy ones and friendly teasing to those who needed to make a trip to the local salon. One of my clients challenged me to go get a pedi since I was making such a big deal of it at camp. So I did! I went a bit overboard and showed up to camp with French tips! The ladies were shocked, amused, and in some cases terrified. It was absolutely ridiculous for a grown man who calls myself ‘SGT Steve’ to be strolling around showing off my French tips. We all got a good laugh

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out of it. It was meant as a joke and was taken that way at camp. When I posted the pics on Facebook, some people failed to see the humor and took what I did way too seriously. Several people told me I could not do that because I’m a man. Now unless there is a manual on the laws and rules of pedicures out there, I think I can do whatever I want with my toes. It was at that point where it was no longer just a joke to have painted toenails. It had become a personal statement that I don’t give a flying flip if someone does not like or agree with them. Three weeks later I went and got them done again, with color and sparkles! Once again, some people loved them and some criticized them. Most recently I had them done to honor a fallen comrade who I served with in Iraq. They have become something that I enjoy showing off. If someone does not like them, who cares? I’m confident in who I am what what I represent. I’m off the wall and silly, so painting my toenails is a great fit for my personality.

The other day I noticed a client doing extra bicep curls because she wants her arms to look better. Apparently someone criticized her and she was determined to make them look as good as possible. How sad. She was worried about what someone else thought of her body. I used to be the same way. When I went to the pool, I always made sure to push out my chest and tighten up my belly to look my best when I walked past a woman or group of women. It’s just part of my instincts and male DNA to go into peacock mode. The other day I decided to do the opposite. There was a row of younger women sunning themselves poolside. As I strolled past them, I pushed my belly out as far as I could. I looked like a puppy who had a bloated tummy full of milk. It was absolutely liberating to not give a damn about what they thought of my body. Of course I want to look my best, but my value and purpose as a human being has nothing to do with how I look. The more I make fitness about feeling better and getting stronger versus vanity and feeding my ego, the more peace of mind I have. When it comes to what others think of me, who cares? Instead of worrying superficial crap like my abs and arms, I’m learning to spend more time focusing on sharing kindness, humor, and inspiration. That’s what I care about now. I’m who I am with or without the fancy toes. I have learned that trying to constantly impress others or get people to like me based on my physical attributes is exhausting. I have better things to do with my time. I’m sure I’ll still slip into peacock mode now and then, but every day I’m moving past the need of anyone’s approval. I like who I am becoming, and that’s what matters.

Action Step: Are you worried about what others think of you and how they think you look? If so, why? How would you feel if you just said ‘I don’t care what you think!’ and focused on other things instead?

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Part 3: Keep the fire burning! (Commitment)

Chapter 18. Planes, trains and fitness

When it comes to my fitness journey, I no longer try to keep on track. Why not? Because I am nothing like a train. I’m designed to travel all over the place. What happens if a train goes even 1 inch off track? Disaster! The same holds true for us when we try to live life riding a pair of strict and immovable rails leading towards frustration and guilt. It’s no wonder that humans have such a hard time staying on track. We see even the smallest mistakes and setbacks as being much bigger than they really are. That’s not a mindset I wish to have anymore. It does not serve me.

That is why I am suggesting a different approach. Instead of riding like a train, fly like a plane. Airplanes do not get on or off track. They are designed to fly with freedom. They can go up, down, left, right, and some can even do loop-dee-loops and barrel rolls. Sometimes a plane can drift off course. It can be caused by pilot error, the weather, or even faulty readouts from the cockpit. Regardless of the cause, it’s up to the pilot to get back onto the right heading. Once the pilot makes an adjustment, the plane is right back on course. Catastrophe averted!

The same holds true with our fitness journeys. Whether it’s a vacation, crazy schedule at work, or a month long special on cheesecake at the local bakery, we will inevitably get off course. But instead of cracking down on yourself in an attempt to get a train back on the tracks, just make some adjustments and keep moving forward. No matter how far off course you have gotten, all it takes is a gentle turn of the yoke and you are back on course. Remember, no matter how far you may drift off course, don’t let it discourage you. The process of walking 100 feet or 100 miles is the same: One positive step at a time.

Getting on track requires a lot of effort to do and maintain. Getting on course is much simpler and quicker. All it takes is one healthy meal or one walk after dinner to get back on course. The key is to keep repeating positive actions over and over. For me, being on course means that the majority of my actions are helping me feel, perform, and look as fit as I can. That’s it.

So, the next time you are planning a big Monday where you buckle down 100% to get back on track, get off the train and head for the skies. The view is better, and it’s a lot more fun. I’ll see you up there!

Action step: What are daily action steps you can take to ensure your are heading in the right direction?

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Chapter 19: It’s a miracle!

Every time you turn around, someone is promoting a magic solution to help you get the body you have always wanted. There are mystical powders you can sprinkle on hot dogs that will help melt away your thighs. There are special wraps you put around your tummy that zaps away that stubborn belly fat. Don’t even get me started on all the super shakes that will turn you into a size two without exercising or changing your lifestyle. Not to mention all the magazine covers with crash diets that promise to get you ready for bikini season in just two weeks.

Since we are always on the lookout for a shortcut, it’s no surprise that these ‘solutions’ are so popular. It drives me nuts because every time someone falls for these tricks, I know their results (if any at all) will be temporary. They will end up right back where they started, feeling defeated and frustrated. I remember trying a magic cleanse of some sort about 10 years ago. The only thing magic about the entire experience was seeing my hard earned money vanish right before my eyes.

Let me save you a whole bunch of time and money right now: There are no pills, shakes, potions, or lotions that melt body-fat. None!

I know, your neighbor’s cousin’s aunt lost 35 pounds from drinking a potion every day for a month and now you want to try it too. It’s tempting to chase after these things. We love making things easier via hacks and tricks. The problem is, when it comes to certain things in life, there are no legitimate shortcuts. Yes, you can do things to influence and speed up your results, but when it comes to fast and easy fat loss, it does not exist.

Losing body fat can be compared to repairing a street full of potholes. Some towns do the same thing every year. They go for the fast and easy approach and patch the potholes with asphalt and concrete. The process is quick and simple. Repairs are often done within a day and people aren’t inconvenienced too much when driving around the workers. The problem is that this is a temporarily solution to a long term challenge. Within weeks the repairs start to crumble and bust loose. Before you know it, the road is bumpy and full of holes again. And just like before, the town hires another crew to come and repeat the process. When we put our efforts into temporary things like body wraps and crash diets, we are setting ourselves up for a roller coaster of weight loss/weight gain.

On the other hand, some towns see beyond any temporarily costs of time, money and inconvenience to completely repave the entire street. This process takes time, effort, and will likely require people to adjust their travel plans to go around the construction. Repaving takes a lot more work, but once it’s complete the road will be much smoother and the results will last a lot longer.

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Getting and staying fit is not something that will come fast and easy. I have never met anyone who is fit that got that way because of any supernatural products. They put forth the effort to move more, eat better, and take care of themselves. That can’t be found in any bottle. If you want lasting results, get ready to put up the ‘Under Construction’ sign and get to work building a fit and healthy lifestyle for yourself. It will take longer than you would like, but since you are going to be alive the rest of your life, some patience will do you a lot of good.

Action Step: What shortcuts have you tried in the past? How did it work out for you?

Chapter 20: Patience, Grasshopper

Patience is something I struggle with. I’m a fast paced person who does not like to wait for anything. However, some things in life take time, and getting fit is often one of them.

Even though it may have taken years to get out of shape, we want and even expect to get into great shape overnight. Sadly, some marketers exploit this aspect of our nature by making unrealistic promises about their products and services. As I said in the last chapter, there are no fast solutions. It’s going to take time to see results. If you want some semblance of peace of mind, some patience is required. A four year college degree takes about four years to complete. A human baby takes about nine months to develop. Of course there are examples of these happening a bit quicker, but generally speaking, some things take time to happen. Getting fit is no exception. In fact, a healthy pace of fat loss is about 3-8 pounds a month. I realize that doesn’t fit with the hyped up ‘Lose 20 pounds in 20 days!’ marketing that runs rampant in the fitness industry. Fitness is about facts, not fiction.

My first suggestion is to get real when it comes to your expectations. When it comes to changing the shape and size of your body, it often takes weeks and months to see major results. You can’t plant a tree today and expect to sit in the shade tomorrow. However, you can help it grow a bit faster if you water and fertilize it. But it’s still going to take time, patience and effort to help it thrive. The same holds true with your own growth. You are not going to change overnight. It takes healthy choices repeated day after day, week after week, month after month.

Second, I recommend my ‘Do your best, then let go of the outcome’ philosophy. I’m going to dedicate an entire chapter to this theme later in the book, but here it is in a nutshell: We can’t control our results. All we can do is control our thoughts and choices. We can choose to wake up, do our best to take care of our health and fitness, and then let go of the results. You can’t control them, so why waste energy on them?

Third, and what may be the most powerful mindset shift you can make is this: Stop trying to lose weight. Let me explain……99% of the time, our impatience is focused on one thing: Weight loss. Think about it. When it comes to your past and current

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frustration, how much of it is based on your weight and size? Because healthy fat loss takes time, this is an area that causes a lot of frustration and discouragement for people. In the next chapter, I am going to dive much deeper into the trouble with making weight loss the main focus of your fitness journey.

I still don’t feel patient very often, but that does not mean I need to act impatient. In my own journey, I am working on some bodyweight tricks that require a lot of patience to master. In some cases, my progress is measured in months. I see other people doing things I want to do, and I want to master them instantly. It doesn’t work like that. I need to consistently remind myself that some of the things I am working towards can take years to accomplish. Forcing myself to go faster than my current abilities can lead to overtraining and injury. The same holds true with rushing fat loss. Yes, you can do some kind of strict diet and/or excessive amounts of exercise in the pursuit of faster fat loss, but you will likely end up hurting your body in the long run. It’s not worth it. Take your time and focus on what you can control…..which is your current choices right now. That’s it. Take a deep breath and rock the heck out of today and then let go of the outcome.

Action Step: What area(s) do you struggle the most with patience? What can you do to improve your patience in this area(s)?

Chapter 21: Who’s in control?

As far back as I can remember, I love the concept of being in control. If I can just control the chaos around me, everything will be ok. The idea that things are outside of my control is scary and uncomfortable. However, I am realizing more and more than there is very little in life that I can control. In fact, about the only thing I do have control over is my mindset and subsequent choices. I can pick my attitudes and actions. That’s about it. If you ever want to test out your ability to control a situation, spend time in a room full of puppies.

I have consciously been working on letting go of things that are outside my realm of control, which is just about everything. That does not mean I don’t care or that I’m just floating through down the life river of life letting the current take me over a waterfall. It’s just that I am seeing the futility in trying to do the impossible. When I try to control everything I feel uptight, tense and stressed out. I’m certainly not pleasant to be around. On the flip side, when I calm down, let go, and relax, I feel much better.

The term weight control gets thrown around a lot in the health and fitness industry. We are told time and time again that weight control is within our power. We hear it’s just a matter of willpower (which may be the most overrated word when it comes to fitness). We then go out, work out tails off, eat perfectly and the scale doesn’t budge. I’ve had some serious negative emotional events while standing on the bathroom scale. It can feel very discouraging when it seems that despite our best efforts, our weight is out of control.

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Want to hear something liberating? Something that can reduce your stress and frustration with fat loss? Here you go: You can't control you weight. Now, it may be hard at first to accept that viewpoint, but think about it….if you really could control your weight, wouldn’t the bathroom scale have the exact number you want? Yes, there are a few people who have dialed in their nutrition to the point where they are able to keep the numbers where they want, but they probably are not having too much fun.

I recently decided to swap out the word control for a more accurate word: Influence. That is something that is within my power. I can influence my body shape and size through healthy eating, movement, and recovery. I can influence my kids by setting a positive example, providing guidance, and structure. I can influence my clients to take the time for self care and recovery. Basically, I do my best to be responsible, which is simply saying ‘What can I do to influence this situation?’.

A couple of years ago I was on a hike and my mind was going a million miles an hour worrying about something outside of my control. I then felt a sense of peace of mind sweep through me as I thought to myself: Just do your best, and let go of the outcome! That’s all we can do. You can’t control the river of life, but you can influence your boat with your oars. So instead of trying to control the current, rocks, and weather along your journey, just focus on doing your best to steer yourself into a direction that leads you where you want to go.

Action Step: What areas in life are you trying to control? What would happen if you let go of the outcome?

Chapter 22: You don’t have to run!

About the only time you will ever see me run is when I am being chased! I can handle a few sprints now and then, but running anything beyond about 100 feet is something I despise. So guess what? I don’t run for distance, ever. Why not? Because there are about a million and one other ways to work up a sweat that I enjoy way more than running.

Now, this isn’t an indictment against distance running. I have some friends and clients who absolutely love running. It’s something they are passionate about and love, or at a minimum like enough to do it regularly. So, if you like running (and you aren’t breaking your body down in the process), then run! If you don’t, then don’t run. But wait, isn’t running supposed to be the best thing for fat loss? Nope. That’s just a myth. The best exercise(s) is/are the ones you like enough to do consistently over the course of time. And remember, the main focus of exercise isn’t supposed to be fat loss anyways.

If you hate running (or weight lifting, using kettlebells, yoga, etc.), then I challenge you to explore other options when it comes to exercising. Now, let me clarify something: It is virtually impossible to design a well rounded workout plan with only exercises you

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enjoy. I get that. The point is, if you don’t like a majority of the exercises/activities in your fitness program, it’s not going to be much fun and you will have a hard time sticking with it. For instance, I don’t particularly care for pull-ups. I do just enough to train my body effectively, while allowing for plenty of time and energy to do the moves I do like. I haven’t eliminated all the stuff I don’t like, but I’m always looking for new moves that are fun and get the job done. That’s the goal, right?

So, if most (or all) of your workouts are something you dread and despise, it’s time to start finding some new ways to challenge your body. If you hate long distance running, try hiking. If you hate yoga, try Pilates or Tai Chi. If you hate using barbells, try using dumbbells or kettlebells. If the class you are taking is boring, try another. If it sucks, try another! It seems like every day someone is inventing a new fitness program. Chances are, there is one out there for you! It may even be a blend of several programs. Be flexible and try new things out. Be open to going outside your exercise comfort zone. For me, that was attending a BeMoved dance class last year. Very awkward, but fun.

I am still not a big fan of exercising, but it’s getting better. Now, I am doing a lot more exercises and routines that I enjoy (or at least tolerate), I have had a much easier time staying on course. Sometimes I even have fun while exercising. When you find a way to move your body that you love, you have struck gold. Be patient, it took me a few years of trying different things before I discovered calisthenics (bodyweight training). It has been a game changer. Now, I train in a way that fits not just my goals, but my personality, natural strengths, and likes. My boot campers are well aware of the fact that I love showing off different fitness tricks. And if that’s what helps me stay on course, so be it. Find what works, and rock the heck out of it.

Take a look at your own relationship with your current fitness program. Is it time to break up with running and go on a date with some kettlebell swings?

Here are 30 ideas to help you get started on your own journey to making movement fun:

Martial Arts (Karate, MMA, Kung Fu, Aikido, Tai Kwon Do) Swimming Rowing Dancing Tai Chi Yoga Pilates Weight lifting Rock climbing Swimming Water aerobics Tennis Golf Calisthenics

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Kettlebell training Sandbag training Powerlifting Endurance events (Marathons, Ironman) Obstacle Course events (Tough Mudder, Terrain Racing, Spartan Races) Group fitness classes Hiking Biking Jogging Sprinting Gymnastics Ice Skating Volleyball Softball Video/Online Workouts Parkour

Action Step: Take a look at all of the activities listed above. Give some of them a try! Chances are, you will find things you like a lot more than running. Or you may just find that running is what you have been meant to do all along. Bottom line, make it fun as often as you can.

Chapter 23: You need to run!

In the last chapter I shared why I think it’s vital to eliminate as many unpleasant things as you can from your fitness routine in order to improve your chances of having fun and staying on course. Obviously, the title of this chapter pretty much is the opposite of the last one. Before you start wondering if I have lost my mind or am getting into politics with all this double-talk, don’t worry, there is a method to my madness.

Most of the time I believe you should do things that you enjoy. However, an occasional hard challenge is something I encourage you to do. In other words, sometimes we need to do tough things that we don’t like doing in order to shake things up and build a sense of accomplishment. Once again, I am using the word ‘run’ as a metaphor for whatever it is that you can’t stand doing.

It’s been a while since I did this myself, so I am going to publicly state my next unpleasant endeavor that I am going to pursue: Clean & Press a 60 pound sandbag 50 times in 5 minutes. In simple terms, I will have to pick up and press a big sandbag over my head a bunch of times in five minutes. It’s a test of strength, technique and endurance that I need to complete in order to earn the Dynamic Variable Resistance Training certification. The first time I tried to practice the exercise, I struggled with it. The second time was so bad that I decided to hire a trainer to help me learn how to do it right and provide me the coaching and support I need to pass the challenge. I drove over 200 miles round trip twice just to train with her. I was not going to let that sandbag

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defeat me! I have about another six weeks of training left until I will be required to do the test. I’m doing much better and am on course to pass the challenge. As much as I don’t enjoy the actual five minutes of work, it’s making me stronger and building my confidence. It’s a temporary process that will give me something permanent to be proud of. That’s the cool thing, once you do it, it’s done. It’s almost like winning a personal championship with yourself. Whether it’s running a 5k race or doing a daily yoga challenge for a month, once it happens, no one can take it away from you. Once I earn the certification (and a cool shirt that shows ‘I did it’), I know I’m going to feel amazing.

I do not recommend doing this all the time. That goes back to what was discussed in the last chapter. But, every now and then, think of some achievement you would like to go after that will require you to kick the Excuse Monster in the ass and do things you don’t want to do. The key is to make sure that what you are working towards is something that will bring some fulfillment and achievement into your life. Don’t just make it suck for the sake of making it suck. Have a reason or list of reasons why doing this will improve you and your life. Also, make sure that this endeavor does not hurt you. This is not about beating your body into submission and showing off your battle scars. It’s simply about getting over yourself in order to improve yourself. I decided to start 2015 with a 21 day ‘No Meat Challenge’. I was a vegetarian for three weeks. I chose to do it because I knew it would take me light years away from my comfort zone. I was also aware that it would challenge me to be strong in order to overcome the temptation to quit. It was tough! At times it sucked! But I did it, and learned from it. Will I ever do it again? Probably not!

If you feel stuck in your journey, it may be time to lace up those proverbial running shoes and seek out a challenge to conquer. You will be glad that you did.

Action Step: What is something you can do to give yourself a challenge? How will you benefit from it?

Chapter 24: Stumblin’, Fumblin’ and Tumblin’

I own and operate a fitness boot camp for women in Prescott, AZ. Despite having taught hundreds of classes to hundreds of people, I still make lots of mistakes. Last week I accidentally said ‘Take a nice deep breast’ instead of breath. I’m also great at mixing up left and right, which confuses and amuses my campers. When I do make these miscues and mistakes, I do my best to laugh it off and keep it positive. However, like anyone else, sometimes I am way too hard on myself and get too caught up in worrying about making errors.

Guess what, if you are a human being, you will make mistakes. I do my best to not repeat them, but on a daily basis I find ways to prove just how human and fallible I am. I’m learning to lighten up and let go of the need to be perfect. In fact, I am starting to

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realize that my shortfalls are just as inspiring (if not more so) than my successes. The fact that I am transparent and share my struggles, setback and mistakes allows those I coach to feel comfortable knowing they can make mistakes too!

If you plan on having your fitness journey last more than five minutes, get ready to make some mistakes. Not only is it a learning process, but as I keep mentioning, getting fit is tough. There will be days you miss workouts. There will be days you eat stuff you didn’t plan on eating. There will be times where you stumble, fumble and tumble. It’s just how things go. Now, this is not an invitation to throw caution to the wind and just be a goof. I am encouraging you to step up and pursue excellence. However, sometimes we confuse excellence with perfection. Not even close! For example, the best hitters in baseball fail at the plate roughly 70% of the time. The best actors and actresses forget lines. The best chefs burn meals. The best singers sing off key now and then. Welcome to being human!

I attended a calisthenics (body weight) certification this past January near San Diego, CA. The instructors were selected to teach the course because they were calisthenics masters. They can do some amazing body weight tricks that seem to defy gravity. Seeing someone do a human flag pose is a sight to behold. Add to that a class full of athletic people hungry to learn, and it was a powerful and inspiring experience. However, it wasn’t the just the human flag or other tricks that made it such a great event. It was seeing these elite athletes mess up and miss some of the moves. One of the trainers failed to complete a move in front of the entire class. It was a one-arm chin-up. Another instructor fell on his butt while trying an advanced squat. And finally, another of the trainers had a scrape above her eye after missing a move and face planting into some astro-turf.

That’s why it’s important to face our setbacks and blunders with a healthy and positive perspective. Thankfully, 99% of the mistakes I make only hurt my pride and ego. If I mix up my words or say something dumb, the best route is to smile, apologize if needed, learn, and move on. That’s it. Perhaps I fell down trying a trick I wasn’t ready for. Next time I’ll know to back off and practice the basics.

Regardless of how long you have been on your fitness journey, you will make some mistakes. Instead of beating yourself up, just smile, learn, and keep moving forward! If you tend to keep repeating the same mistakes, it may be time to take an objective look at what is happening, and make adjustments.

Action Step: How do you respond to your mistakes? If you tend to be too hard on yourself, what can you do to make things more positive?

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Chapter 25: Won’t, can’t or shouldn’t?

“…..but I was up late last night (watching Netflix)!’ “…..oops, I overslept (more late night Netflix)!” “….but it’s so dark and cold! “….I’ll just start next week.” “….the boss was mean today, so I need the night off to heal my wounded feelings!” “….my pinky toe is a bit sore. I think I’ll rest it and take the week off.”

Guess what? The Excuse Monster is alive and well! Each of these gems listed above were created to justify skipping a workout. Guess what? Not a one of them is worth a damn! In fact, excuses are worse than worthless, they actually rob us of a better life! So why do we insist on using them? Because they are like an emotional binkie that we pop into our mouths in a lame attempt to make ourselves feel better for not doing what we set out to do.

Here’s the challenge, sometimes we mistake excuses for reasons (which are two totally different things), or vice-versa. We twist lame excuses into reasons while on the flip side we take legitimate reasons and guilt-trip ourselves into thinking they are just excuses. And finally, sometimes it isn’t a reason or an excuse…..but instead just a common sense decision based on doing the right thing. Let me explain all three to help you recognize when it’s an excuse, reason, or common sense decision.

Won’t

When it comes to fitness, 99% of the excuses I have used and heard can be translated into four words: ‘I don’t want to’. But instead of saying these words, we come up with all kinds of nonsense excuses to try and smooth things over for ourselves and others. The problem is, making excuses does not make us better in any way. Excuses keep us stuck where we are. That’s why it’s important to recognize and identify excuses before they trick us into believing in them. A great example of an excuse is: ‘I’m too busy to exercise”. In just about every case, this is bullshit. If you have 20 minutes and a floor under your feet, you can work out. It’s amazing how many people are experts at video games on their phones but can’t seem to find the time to do a few squats. If you do choose to skip a workout (which still happens to me), just be honest with yourself and take responsibility for that decision. Admit that you are giving yourself an out, and then don’t beat yourself up. You are an adult. You don’t need permission to skip a workout. Just remember, for every cause there is an effect.

Can’t

‘Life happens’, and sometimes we are faced with legitimate reasons for not doing a workout. This category is pretty much cut and dry. If you are literally incapable of

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knocking out a workout, then it’s not an excuse. For instance, if a friend texts you asking to meet at the gym and you are on cruise ship 5000 miles away, your answer will obviously be ‘I can’t’. A word of caution: I do not recommend rubbing it into your friend’s face if they are in Minnesota and you are in Aruba (especially during the winter). Reasons are those real and impassible obstacles that keep you from being able to do a workout. In my case, I can’t slam dunk a basketball (without outside assistance) on a standard hoop. Why? Because I’m only 5’4. It is physically impossible for me to do it. In other words, I can’t.

Shouldn’t

Even though you may be capable of doing a workout, there are times when you shouldn’t. This is that big gray area which is best dealt with on a case by case basis. One of the biggest reasons I tell people they shouldn’t work out is when they are sick. I’m not talking about a couple sniffles, but an actual illness. When we get sick to the point of fever, chills, aches, pains, and lethargy, we need to back off and allow our energy to be used for healing instead of pushups. Time and time again I have seen people feeling guilty over backing off from hard exercise when they are sick. Exercise is meant to build us up, not tear us down. If you are sick, back off. The same holds true with injuries, exhaustion, and serious chaos. Just today I had to tell a motivated and dedicated boot camper that I think she shouldn’t do a hard workout. She is recovering from an arm injury and needs to let it heal. Technically, she CAN do the workout, but when we applied common sense, we both agreed that backing off was the right choice. I also believe that when it comes to special occasions, skipping a workout is perfectly acceptable. I remember a time where I was about to work out and one of my sons asked me to play a game with him. That is an excellent example of when you shouldn’t work out. Now, if I decided to skip every workout to play Chutes and Ladders, that’s a different story altogether! Use your common sense and judgement. Just remember, exercise is meant to enhance our lives, not consume them.

This chapter, like the rest of the book, is up to your own interpretation. The key is to find that sweet balance between ignoring the Excuse Monster and not being a rigid perfectionist that never misses a workout. Balance is where the fun is!

Action Step: How can you find balance between challenging yourself and staying on course without wearing yourself down in the process?

Chapter 26: Flip Flop

10 weeks ago, in an instant, my life changed. At one moment I was the highest level of strength and fitness I have ever been in my life. I was able to do some cool bodyweight tricks and lift heavy stuff. I feel like superman. The next moment I was flat on my back with a fractured spine (T-1 Compression Fracture) after landing on my head attempting a back handspring. I flopped when I should have flipped! My wife captured the incident

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on video, and after showing it medical professionals, I was told I am very lucky to have not been more seriously injured.

After a trip to the emergency room, I was told that I could not do any exercise for at least 6-8 weeks. Thankfully my regular doctor cleared me to ride an exercise bike. However, for 6 1/2 weeks I could not do any squats, handstands, pushups or anything else. I could just walk and sit on the recumbent bike riding off to nowhere. Even though I couldn’t exercise, I made the decision to keep my spirits up and keep a positive attitude. I knew that it would help my recovery and my sanity. I was especially intent on doing this because when I had hernia repair surgery in 2010, a 4 week recovery turned into a 6 month downward spiral of no exercise, eating whatever I wanted, and lots of pity parties. Not this time.

About 3 weeks ago I was given the green light to exercise again. I felt like a squirrel being let out of a cage! I was beyond happy and ready to pick up right where I left off, with maybe a little strength loss after my break. Well, that’s not how things have gone. In fact, I just finished a workout about 20 minutes ago. 10 weeks ago I could do a single leg pistol squat on a balance beam. Today I could not even do a modified version on the sidewalk. I used to be able to crank out 15-20 chin-ups, today I did 5 at a time. I can’t believe how much physical strength I have lost. Am I discouraged? Yes. Am I defeated? Hell no! With time, patience and smart training, I will get back to where I was, and beyond. It’s just not going to happen nearly as fast as I would like it too. Even though I want to push through this, I know it’s not the right approach.

Despite losing a lot of physical strength and dealing with the pain and frustration of an injury, I am still grateful for this experience. I have gained a LOT of mental and emotional strength during my recovery. It has helped me build empathy and understanding for others who are dealing with injuries. It has inspired others to see exercise as a blessing and not a chore. It has given me a new appreciation for freedom of movement. I may not be able to do as many pushups as I used to, but I can emotionally handle more than ever. When it comes down to it, mental and emotional strength are a vital part of being fit.

Prior to this injury, I based a lot of my confidence and self-esteem on my physical abilities. Being able to impress others on Facebook and Instagram showing off tricks was something I loved (and still love). But once I was hurt, I had to dig deeper and take a look at who I really am as a person, beyond my physical body. What I learned is that my value is not based in how many pull-ups I can do, but in sharing kindness, compassion, humor, and my personality. I’m glad I learned this lesson, because at some point, the body I live in will age and my performance will decrease. As much as I’d like to be 95 years old doing tricks on the pull-up bars, chances are I’ll be doing much less intense things. I’ll probably be an avid hiker! That’s just how things go. But instead of seeing it as a negative thing, I see it as just being part of the human experience. I have also learned that gray hair + flips = trouble. Age is more than a number, and I need to treat my body accordingly. It’s not about giving up or playing it safe. It’s about common

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sense and treating my body as if I’ll be spending the rest of my life in it. Yes, I’ll still do lots of cool stuff when it comes to fitness, but flips are no longer in my workout plan.

If you are dealing with a common injury (sprain, strain, surgery, broken bone), do your best to take a positive approach. Yes, getting hurt sucks, but injuries heal. We may not be like we were before the incident, but that does not mean we can’t still reach kick-ass levels of fitness in our own way.

Action Step: What are some ways you can take a positive approach to injuries and setbacks?

Chapter 27: But I want it!!

When it comes to changing our eating habits, one thing is for certain: Temptation and cravings are part of life. For some reason, cookies, cheesecake and ice cream taste better than a salad. Whoever invented food got things backwards. Life would be much easier if brussels sprouts tasted like pizza.

So, how do you overcome temptations and cravings? Lock yourself in a room without food and handcuff yourself to a chair. Ok, since that isn’t realistic, I’m just going to share some tips on how to do your best to keep your eating on course while not depriving yourself. It’s how I choose to live, and it has worked. By the way, just for the record, I had ice cream twice last week.

Lighten up: One cookie won’t ruin your results. On the flip side, one hundred cookies will greatly affect your results. Treats and high calorie comfort meals are part of my fitness lifestyle. I just make sure they are occasional indulgences and not daily occurrences. Some days and weeks I do better than others. Overall, most of what I put into my mouth are foods that help me feel and perform my best. If you constantly beat yourself up over what you eat, you are just going to feel like crap and miss out on the original intent, which was to enjoy a tasty treat. Our minds are powerful. If we put a piece of candy into our mouths and think to ourselves ‘This is bad for me. This is junk! I should not be doing this! I have no willpower!’, how do you think our body is going to respond. Perhaps the reason you feel physically bad after eating cake is because you beat yourself up about it to the point where you upset your digestive system. Lighten up and when you do have some cake, enjoy every bite, guilt free. That does not mean you should eat cake every day. If you are, then go back to part one of this book and get your motivation back on course. When you allow yourself to fully indulge, you will feel better and have a more positive experience. I don’t believe in ‘Junk Food’. I simply believe some foods are more nourishing and healthy than others. I tend to feel and perform better when I put high quality food into my body more often than not.

Out of sight, out of mind: Life is full of temptations. Vending machines, fast food restaurants on every corner, candy at the store check-out, etc. That’s why I recommend that you only keep treats in your home when you intend to eat them. Cookies just sitting

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in the cupboard are asking to be eaten. I would love to say that my home is a ‘treat free sanctuary’ full of nothing but fruits and veggies, but it’s not. I have two kids and my wife LOVES to bake. Just yesterday she made cookies AND brownies. Despite the smell and temptation, I held my ground. Not because I’m strict and rigid, but like I mentioned, I have eaten ice cream twice in the past week. I needed to hold off and pass on the treats. Thankfully all the goodies were packed up and given away today, so they are no longer around to tempt me. We also have kids, and since I’m not a food cop, we have candy and other goodies in our home. The key is that we keep treats stashed away out of visible sight. The kids have a special cabinet where they keep their candy and know they get 1 piece a day. I also have an easier time overcoming temptation because I have been doing it for quite a while. I have made peace with food and have learned with practice and experience how to live in moderation and balance. I gave up my food cop badge a long time ago.

Ride it out: Temptations and cravings pass. Well, all of them expect cheesecake. That is one I have yet to overcome. But in all seriousness, if you can just wait it out, the craving will pass. By the way, it is MUCH easier to ride out a craving when you have food in your tummy vs. being hungry. That’s why I encourage you to keep a healthy snack on hand when a craving sneaks up on you. There have been many times where I had a sudden craving for something sweet, and had a protein bar on hand to overcome the craving. Once I eat a bar or healthier alternative, I feel better and the temptation passes. Now, does that mean I overcome every temptation that comes my way? Of course not. As I type this chapter, I am in a mini-fast. It’s 4:30 p.m. and I haven’t eaten yet today. If someone walked by with a piece of cake, I may just give in. Thankfully my wife just walked in the door with bags of frozen fruit so I can make a smoothie!

Special Occasions: When it comes to holidays and special occasions, count your blessings….not calories. It drives me nuts when I see people giving out low calorie tips for Thanksgiving. Really? Eat the heck out of whatever you want on special days! Don’t let some uptight food cop make you feel bad for having three servings of mashed potatoes! Have a glass of wine or two to celebrate and event. Have as much cake as you want on your birthday! And do it without beating yourself up!

Holiday Season Tips: My toughest time of the year for eating is Halloween through New Year’s. Tis the season for food and the low sun angle seems to really trigger my appetite for sweets. It’s at this point where I enjoy myself, but am also mindful to not go overboard. If you happen to attend a lot of parties, eat a healthy meal before you go. That will help you not show up hungry ready to attack the crock pot full of meatballs. Personally, I’d rather gain five pounds over the holidays enjoying myself than trying to eat super healthy and missing out on creating lifelong memories.

Bottom line, if you want results, you can’t eat whatever you want whenever you want. However, you can get results by allowing yourself to occasionally have something you really want. How often should that be? It depends on your goals. I have gotten more focused on eating high quality foods because maintaining a lean body makes it easier to perform the bodyweight tricks I enjoy doing. I have 1-3 sweets a week. That works for

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me. For others, it might mean a small piece of dark chocolate after dinner each night. Find what works for you. Most importantly, have your blood pressure, blood sugar and cholesterol checked annually. If your numbers are good, then allow yourself some freedom. If they are in the danger zone, back off and focus on higher quality foods. What we put into our bodies has a big impact on our overall health and wellness. Most of the time I focus on nourishing my body, but now and then some ice cream is there to nourish my soul.

Action step: Do you struggle with temptations and cravings? If so, what are some ways you can learn to avoid and overcome them?

Chapter 28: Chaos!

Life happens! No matter how well we prepare and plan with fitness (and everything else for that matter), things can and will go awry. That’s why it’s so important to have a laid back and flexible approach to fitness. I used to stress over missed workouts, eating off plan, and working around a busy and ever changing schedule. From the fall of 2011 until the spring of 2013 my life was 18 months of pure chaos. It was positive chaos, but crazy nonetheless. I was assigned to a special marketing unit in the Army. This required me to travel all over the USA for months at a time. In one case, I had 48 hours to get ready for a trip that lasted over two months. My second trip was non-stop for five months that went from Miami, Florida all the way to Los Angeles, CA. I learned a lot about staying on course while dealing with less than ideal circumstances. Being on the road and living in hotels made it challenging, but not impossible to not only maintain my fitness, but to actually improve it. Whether it was using a styrofoam cooler in a hotel without a fridge to keep my food cold or rearranging the furniture in my room so I didn’t break anything doing kettlebell swings, I found creative ways to work around my unconventional lifestyle.

Looking back (knowing what I know now), I could have probably been less hard on myself nutritionally and lightened up a bit during my travels. Back then, I was on an eating plan that required me to eat every 3-4 hours. That was tough! Today, I would definitely incorporate more fasting and a less regimented plan. Now I eat based on hunger vs. the clock.

With all that being said, I want you to understand that I have had my own struggles to overcome when it deals to staying fit among chaos. I’m going to give some common examples of how life happens, and ways to work around/through them.

Illness: At some point, a bug will get you. Whether it’s a cold, the flu, etc., getting sick will certainly get you off course. I have a simple viewpoint on this: If you are sick to the point of fever, chills, aching, vomiting, and feeling awful, don’t exercise! Your immune system needs to do its job without having to expend energy on a workout. I don’t exercise when I’m sick. That’s why I do everything I can to stay healthy and avoid getting sick. Now, if it’s just a cold or sniffles, then go ahead and do something active. I

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would not recommend a 10 mile run, but a light workout might just make you feel better. It comes down to being intuitive and listening to your body. Do not guilt trip yourself into a mandatory workout while you are sick just because your workout schedule says it’s a workout day. Also, if you start getting sick during a workout, back off. I have only thrown up once during a workout. I have never allowed that to happen again. The moment nausea comes, stop the intense exercising and walk it off.

Injuries: This past Saturday marked 15 weeks since I fractured my spine during a backflip mishap. If you are the unfortunate recipient of an injury, or feel one coming on, here is my advice. First off, if you feel something wrong while exercising, STOP immediately. Don’t try to work through it hoping it will get better. After I broke my back, I walked around the gym for about 20 minutes debating whether or not I should attempt another flip to heal my fractured ego. At that point I was unaware that I had fractured my spine. Thank goodness I had enough common sense to STOP and go to the emergency room. Another attempted flip (or any exercise) could have made things much worse. If something hurts, go see a medical professional! Second, if you do have an injury, work around the pain, not through it. Listen to the guidance from medical professionals and don’t push your luck. You only get one body. Exercise is meant to build you up, not tear you down. Bottom line, if something isn’t right, get it checked. Also, make sure that if you are not sure how to do a move, don’t do it without the guidance of a coach or trainer. Adjusting your form can prevent many injuries. You would be amazed at how many of my clients no longer feel knee pain from squatting after just a few tips on their form.

Time: There are 24 hours in each day. For some, most of them are filled with work, responsibilities, hobbies, activities and family time. Finding the time to catch your breath, let alone do a workout may seem like an impossibility. However, I firmly believe that you can’t fully help and serve others from an empty cup. You have to find a way to create the time for yourself to exercise, eat nourishing foods, and recharge. Thankfully, the exercise and recharging only require 20-40 minutes a day (5 days a week). In my Kickstart 60 program, the total training time for the week can be as low as 2 hours. There are 168 hours in the week, all you need are 2-3 to get enough physical activity and exercise to get fit and strong. When it comes to preparing healthy meals, preparation is key. My wife has become a wizard in the kitchen. She can cook up a lot of different meals in less than an hour. And she makes enough that there are plenty of leftovers for lunch/dinner the next day(s). Remember, it takes the same amount of time to put a bag of frozen fruit into your cart as it does a bag of chips.

This is a great opportunity to take a look at your life and see if you are creating unnecessary busyness in your day to day activities. If you seriously can’t find the time for 2-3 hours of exercise a week, it’s time to look at your priorities. Yes, we have to work, feed our kids, and take care of things. However, we don’t have to volunteer for every task we are asked to do. We don’t have to watch hours of television. We don’t have to enroll our kids in every activity in town. In some cases, we don’t have to work as many hours as we do. Some of these situations may be hitting you right between the eyes. Perhaps you are working 60 hours a week, but could get by and still be

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successful working 40. If you are working 80 hours a week to pay for a car that is in better shape than you are, it might be time to shift your priorities. I know it can be hard to say ‘No’ when people ask us to take time to do things. However, nothing should come before your health and wellness. When we carve out the time to take care of ourselves, we are not being selfish, we are doing the opposite! When we focus on self care, it makes us better equipped as workers, friends, parents, grandparents, etc. When our cup is full (or at least not empty), we can do more for others. Do you think I could be the dynamic fitness instructor I am at 5:30 a.m. if I stayed up until midnight watching television? Of course not. Make the time. You are worth it!

Vacation: When you are fortunate to get up and get away for some fun, the last thing you should be stressing over is counting calories and a strict exercise program. Unless your trip is over 10 days, exercise should be a choice. If you are on a cruise, try out a class for fun. On the flip side, hopping on the treadmill for an hour trying to burn off the dinner from the night before is not recommended. Vacation is meant to be enjoyed, so have some extra cake and sleep in. You have the rest of the year to focus on fitness. It’s ok to take a week off!

Traveling: Road trips are a lot of fun, until you stop at a tiny gas station and the healthiest food on the shelf is jelly beans. That’s why I recommend having a kit of portable healthy treats with you on the road. I cover this in detail in my free guide Move, Nourish, Recharge! which you can instantly access and download at www.SgtSteveCoaching.com. Bottom line, be prepared and you will have a much easier time staying on course with eating on the go.

Unsupportive friends & family: Unfortunately, some people (even ones close to you) are not going to support your decision to get more fit and healthy. Some may even try to sabotage your progress through negativity, buying extra snacks, and other tactics. Human nature is a strange thing. When someone starts showing improvements and progress, people can get jealous. This can be something painful and frustrating to go through, especially the closer someone is to you. When we get better, it can trigger others’ insecurities about their own level of fitness. Instead of supporting and encouraging you, they do the opposite. That’s why I highly recommend seeking out other fit minded people. There are some days I have ZERO desire to work out. The main motivator is knowing that I can try a new trick and post it on social media. I may work out alone, but I have many friends online who encourage and cheer me on. I also have a group of amazing clients who challenge me to be a better man and coach. There are a few people out there who take cheap shots at me when it comes to my fitness. I brush their comments off like gnats on a hot summer night. Don’t let anyone take away your mojo when it comes to fitness. Seek out those who build you up and do your best to avoid those who are trying to knock you down.

Loss of interest/motivation: No matter how fun a fitness program is, there will come a time where you lose momentum and get bored with it. I go through cycles where I really struggle to get my ass up and moving because it feels too routine or like a chore. That is a red flag to mix things up! There are so many ways to move your body that you will

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never run out of ways to make it fun as long as you are willing to try new things. I am currently doing a blend of sandbag training along with bodyweight moves. This combo is rather new, so I am enjoying it. However, I know a year from now I’ll likely be doing something different. In fact, I have a workout waiting for me as soon as I finish this writing this chapter today. I’d much rather sit back and play video games, but I have a commitment to myself to do what I need to do. I’ll do my best to make it fun, but the bottom line is that I am going to do my best regardless of how I feel.

The key is to keep going until you find something else to spark your interest and mojo again. Stopping is a surefire way to get off course quickly. I know it can be discouraging at times, especially when results aren’t as fast as we want them to be; however, moving forward an inch is better than quitting and not moving at all. When you do feel like you have lost your desire to stay on course, don’t beat yourself up. Instead, reach out and let someone know. Tell a fellow fitness buddy, a coach or your trainer that you are struggling and need a boost. We all deal with it, so you will likely find an understanding person who can help you out. If not, talk to someone else who is willing to support and encourage you. A friendly kick in the pants may be all that you need.

Depression: I have dealt with waves of anxiety and depression my entire life. This goes far deeper than not feeling like working out. First off, if you believe you are dealing with depression, get professional help! I have sought out help several times and am currently under the care of a mental health professional to help me with my own situation. Thanks to getting help, I now feel better than ever. Don’t try to fight it on your own. Depression is nothing to mess with and thankfully there are many treatment options that work. I am currently using a blend of exercise, quality nutrition, and medication to deal with my own depression. I wanted to add depression to this chapter to let you know that regardless of how good our lives may be, it can still strike. It can be scary to reach out, but do it anyways. You are worth it!

What this entire chapter boils down to is this: Be flexible. Lighten up. Take it one day at a time. There will be easy weeks, hard weeks, and harder weeks. Learn from each challenge and keep moving forward regardless of what obstacles stand before you. Remember, obstacles can be overcome. It’s just a matter of staying focused and relaxed in your approach. Life has enough stress, don’t make fitness part of it.

Action Step: What area(s) in life are you dealing with chaos? What can you do to work around/through it?

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Chapter 29: No biggie!

Perspective is huge! In fact, how we view and interpret the world around us determines everything. The cool thing is that you are in charge of your perspective and outlook on life. I’m going to share a quote from what I believe is the one of the most powerful parts from my first book Operation Motivation - The Ultimate Guide to Crush your Fitness Excuses!:

“Is the surface of a sheet of paper smooth and flat, or is to rough and jagged? It all depends on how you look at it. Sitting in front of you on a desk, it appears smooth and a pen glides over it with ease. What if we look at it with a magnifying glass? What does it look like then? Cracks and lines appear. Now, put it under a microscope. Those little cracks and lines are now deep canyons and tall ridges. So, is paper smooth or jagged? It all depends on how you look at it!”

This analogy can apply to any part of our lives. If we use a microscope to view our fitness journeys, every little hill, valley and setback will seem much bigger than they are. You are going to miss workouts. You will eat stuff you didn’t plan on eating. You will get sick. You may get injured. Life happens! If you zoom out and just see these things as being part of life, it will do wonders for your peace of mind. As I mentioned earlier, I fractured my spine earlier this year. Instead of analyzing it with a microscope and making a big deal out of it, I simply saw it as a setback that I would overcome. Yeah, it sucked having to take 6 weeks off of exercising. But now that it’s been nearly 4 months since the injury, it’s in my rear view mirror getting smaller each day I move forward. I have nearly regained all my strength prior to the injury, and I feel only slight pain in my neck and back.

We can make mountains out of molehills, or we can turn mountains into molehills. This does not mean that we need to minimize serious events in our lives. Dealing with personal tragedy, major injuries, and the chaos that life throws at us needs to be dealt with. However, the attitude and perspective we choose is vital in how we feel and overcome whatever obstacles and hardships we face.

I make a conscious and consistent effort to see the big picture in all areas of my life. When I struggle, I remind myself that it will pass, and often I’ll gain new insight and wisdom from it. One way to analyze a situation is to ask yourself: “Will what’s upsetting me right now matter a year from now?” Most of the time it won’t. Life is full of challenges, and most of them are not as big as we make them out to be. If you are upset with someone who cut you off in traffic three years ago, it’s time to put away the microscope.

So, if you have one of those days where you stumble, tumble and fumble, just remember, it will pass and that it’s really no biggie. Level those mountains and fill in those canyons with a positive perspective. It works.

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Action step: What area(s) in your life are you using a microscope? What can you do to broaden your perspective?

Chapter 30: A few more things…

Congratulations! You have made it to the last chapter in this book! I want to thank you for taking the time to read this. You have made a positive investment in your fitness and wellness. I have yet to meet anyone who regretted taking care of themselves. Personally, it means a lot that you allowed me into your life as a coach. I believe and live everything that is in this book. It is the culmination of my experience, education, and knowledge I have gained thus far as a fitness coach. With that being said, I’d like to finish this book with some ‘Sargisms’…..which are quotes and ideas I have created over the years. Some of these are quite powerful and can change your life. I know some of them have changed mine!

“Getting fit should not have to suck! It should be fun, simple, challenging and positive!”

*** “If I only worked out when I was in the mood, I’d exercise about five times a year. I don’t exercise because I feel like it. I exercise because of how it makes me feel!”

*** “Exercising to burn calories makes as much sense as driving your car around to burn gas!” (Thank you to Max Shank and Evan Thomas for the inspiration on this one)

*** “Love yourself! You can’t hate a single ounce of fat off of your body!”

*** “Keep it simple: Move, Nourish, & Recharge. Repeat for best results!”

*** “One cookie won’t make you fat, one salad won’t make you thin. It’s what we do more often than not that adds up.”

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*** “Fitness is a lifestyle, not an event.”

*** “Focus on gaining fitness instead of losing weight.”

*** “Toss your scale and never buy another one!”

*** “I often hear people say 'Well, that's easier said than done!’ Well, no kidding! Changing mindsets, behaviors, habits, careers, relationships is hard and can take time, patience and discipline. But the alternative is staying stuck where you are. If something isn't right in your life, and you have the ability to change and/or influence it, what are you waiting for?”

*** “Today while I was in the pool, I rescued a drowning fly with my sunglasses. It flew off and right back into the water. I scooped it out again, put it next the pool and it flew into the water again. I pulled it out one last time and walked away. I had no intentions of scooping it out a third time. The same is true with some people. No matter how much they need your help, either they don't want it or are incapable of doing anything with it. Focus on those who want and appreciate your help. It will do wonders for your peace of mind. You can't save everyone. Some people want to stay stuck in the water.”

*** “It's impossible to complain your way to happiness. Trust me, I tried for years and it never worked.”

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“At some point you have to let go of all the mental and emotional garbage from the past you are allowing to drag you down. Would you go out to a dumpster and grab rotting trash and bring it back into your home? Of course not! Then why would you bring emotional junk from the past into your present? Don't let yesterday ruin today. Instead of focusing on who knocked you down, seek out someone to lift up!”

*** “The less I make fitness about rigidity, ego and vanity.....and the more I make it about freedom, fun, and strength....the happier I am.”

*** “You have two choices: Let your mood influence your attitude, or let your attitude influence your mood. I can't control a darn thing in my life expect one thing.....my attitude.”

*** “There is a big difference between beating yourself up and being tough on yourself. Beating yourself up is simply a mental game we play to make ourselves feel like crap for missing the mark, making mistakes, or negative lies we choose to believe. It's not healthy or productive. Being tough on ourselves is based on being positive and not putting up with our own excuses, rationalizations, and justifications. It's about challenging ourselves and learning from our mistakes and setbacks. It's healthy and helps us get stronger! Be good to yourself, but on the flip side, stop putting up with your own bullshit.”

*** “When you wake up and realize just how beautiful and amazing you are on the inside, you will stop worrying about how you appear on the outside. Screw pop culture glorifying men with washboard abs and photoshopped women in bikinis. It's a bunch of shallow and superficial nonsense!”

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*** “A good trainer never tells a lady she can’t have wine or chocolate!”

*** And finally, perhaps the most powerful and personal one:

“I was severely physically and emotionally abused as a kid. Except for a 15 month stay with a wonderful foster family, my childhood was filled with chaos and pain. I was bullied and treated like crap in school. I was in alcohol rehab at age 15. I dropped out of high school. I was nearly kicked out of the Army in 1993 for not being able to pass the fitness testing.

So how on earth did I become the successful business owner I am today? How do I have a stable and loving family life with my wife and kids?

1. I gave up my weak, entitled, and victimized mindset. I decided to become an adult and put a big middle finger up to the bullshit in my past and create the future I wanted.

2. I had a group of people who cared more about me than I cared about myself who showed me tough love and refused to let me fail.

3. I learned to relentlessly exploit my unique talents in the service of others. (Thank you Larry for teaching me this one).

4. I decided that being average sucks and settle for nothing less than being 'squirreltastic'.

I have yet to meet someone who is happy and fulfilled who feels sorry for themselves and expects the world to take care of them. If you want a better life, get up and earn it.”

*** By the way, the word ‘Squirreltastic’ simply means taking my squirrelly attitude and behavior to the next level!

I wish each and every one of you the best on your fitness journeys! Please feel free to reach out and contact me if you ever have a question or just need a friendly kick in the pants to get back on course.

Time for me to go! It’s time to go workout!

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Acknowledgments I want to take a moment to thank some people who have helped shape me into coach and trainer I am today:

Max Shank: You are the smartest and most athletic coach I have ever had trained with. You have helped me in more ways than you can imagine! Your methods have not only helped me, but hundreds of clients I have had the privilege of coaching. You inspired me to not just get fit, but to challenge my body to do things I never imagined.

Danny Kavadlo: I thought I was passionate about fitness until I met you. You were there for me during one of my biggest fitness moments (my first pistol squat). Your attitude and personality are huge, but your heart is even bigger. Thank you for being you. You are one of a kind!

Larry Winget: You have helped me build my confidence to the point where I am no longer afraid to say what is on my mind. Your kick ass approach has helped me do a total 180 in my life! I’m glad our paths crossed and you invested the time into helping me become a better man. I’m forever grateful that I picked up your book, read, and applied it.

John Spencer Ellis: Without your training, coaching, and mentoring…..I’m 100% certain I would not be where I am in life. Thank you for taking the time to be my coach and work with me on building a vision that is going to help a lot of people. Thank you for the guidance and candor! I can’t wait to see where this adventure goes!

My clients: Ladies, you have no idea how much you mean to me. Each of you has helped me become a wiser and more compassionate trainer. You allow me to be me, and accept me with all my craziness. Boot camp is a sanctuary where we can all just be ourselves and have fun. Thank you for allowing me the honor of being your coach. You are amazing!

My wife Carren: I would need to write another book just to cover all that you have done for our family and I. So, I’ll keep it simple: Thank you! I love you!

My sons Trevor and Max: I’m beyond proud of the people you are becoming. You inspire me to live as long as possible so that I can watch you grow up, then watch your kids grow up, and perhaps even their kids grow up! I love you!

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Getting fit shouldn’t have to suck! Despite this truth, every day people wake up and do workouts they hate, go on strict diets that make them feel terrible, and have turned getting the body they want into a war against themselves. It’s time to change that! It’s time to make your fitness journey fun, simple challenging and positive.

Are you fed up with long and boring workouts that feel like a chore?

Are you struggling to get started with a fitness program?

Are you having trouble staying on course and find yourself on a weight loss/weight gain roller coaster?

Are you ready to build confidence, self-esteem and a sense of accomplishment?

Are you ready to learn powerful techniques to get and stay motivated?

Are you fed up with the status quo in the fitness industry and are ready for a fresh new approach that has helped hundreds of people get fit?

If so, then join SGT Steve along a 30 chapter journey that will change the way you view fitness forever. Kickstart your ConFITdence! is fun, witty, and full of tips and strategies that will help you get and stay on course with your fitness goals.

About SGT Steve

SGT Steve retired from the U.S.Army after a 20 year career. After allowing himself to get out of shape in 2009, he made the decision and took action to get fit, which inspired him to make it a career to help others do the same. He has earned over a dozen health, fitness and nutrition certifications and specializations.

He has taught over 1200 classes to hundreds of woman at his Kickstart Boot Camp in Prescott, Arizona. He is the

creator of the home fitness program Kickstart 60. He is also a professional speaker who delivers a 30-90 minute speech on making fitness fun, challenging and simple.

He has been married for 17 years to his wife Carren and has two sons Trevor and Maxwell. They currently reside in Prescott Valley, AZ.

If you would like to apply to hire SGT Steve as a coach, speaker, or learn more about how he can kickstart your organization’s wellness program, contact him at www.SGTSteveCoaching.com or sgtstevecoaching@gmail.com

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