Kathy Ireland:Love of Life

7/29/2019 Kathy Ireland:Love of Life

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THE SUPREME COURT decision known asRoe v. Wade just turned 40 years old, butthe issue of whether a woman should have the right to choose abortion is far from settled.

Even as the abortion rate has started to decline, the country seems polarized; in a September 2012Gallup poll, 47 percent of Americans identified themselves as pro-choice and 46 percent as pro-life,

a statistical dead heat. The real surprise: Though each side is passionate about its position,research suggests that abortion is a subject on which some principled people come to

change their minds, often because of certain events in their lives. Here, the stories of 10women who unexpectedly experienced that kind of shift.

Regardless of the opinion each of us holds, these thoughts from the other side will beenlighteningand may even begin a conversation

BY MELINDA DODD

THESE YEARS

CONTROVERSIALAFTER ALL

STILL

I LLUSTRATED BY BRYAN CHR ISTIE


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In the last decade, I did two tours of duty in the Middle East

with Hawaiis National Guard. From that vantage point, I

witnessed firsthand the tragedy that occurs when a govern-

ment tries to act as a moral arbiter for its people and does so

with the force of law. I saw Iraqi women who were required

to cover themselves from head to toe. I remember that on my

second deployment, in Kuwait, there was a ban on any kind

of celebration by locals or foreigners on New Years Eve, be-cause this was a Western unholy holiday. Religious police

undercover agentswould be out in force to make sure there

was no piano playing, no music, no fireworks in the Western

hotels or anywhere in the country. Typically, these kinds of

edicts were backed by guns, fines and imprisonment. Wit-

nessing restrictions touched me to the core.

When I came home to Hawaii, I reflected on the U.S. gov-

ernments role in our personal lives. In 2009, I ran for Ho-

nolulu city council and won. City council is about potholes

and trash and sewers; there are not a whole lot of discus-

sions about social issues and governments role. But during

my election, social issues came up as an important part of

the conversation, and thats where I started to see a con-nection between governments overstepping their boundar-

ies in the Middle East and the possibility of it happening

here. I grew up thinking I personally would not choose to

have an abortion and therefore thats what the government

should reflect. My own views, based on Hindu principles,

havent changed. Hinduism teaches that the individual at-

man, or soul, is present from conception. What has changed

is my conviction about what our governments role should

be in our personal lives. I realized that no government of-

ficial, bureaucrat, politician or judge should impose his or

her moral views on any other individual.

Honestly, it was a stuggle to admit to myself that I had

been wrong. And I had to tell my parents, who are my best

friends. My dad is in the state senate in Hawaii and is on

the pro-life side of the abortion debate. It was a huge deal

to have that conversation with him and my mother. I put

it o for a really long time. But I respect them, and they

respect me. My parents are proud they raised my siblings

and me to be independent thinkers. They know I am doing

what I believe is right.

When I was growing up, both of my parents were pro-

choice. My dad worked for the farmworkers union, led by

Csar Chvez, and I spent a lot of time at rallies in support

of the grape boycott. My mom was a nurse, and she was

taught in training that a fetus is just a clump of cells and

that women have a choice about what goes on inside their

bodies. I assumed I was pro-choice. I believed, Who am I

to tell a woman what she can or cannot do with her body?In 1992, when I was 28, I had an audition for a made-for-

TV movie about abortion. I dont remember the name of

it. At some point after the audition (I didnt get the part),

I started reading my husbands medical bookshes an

emergency room physicianand an issue I wasnt really

paying attention to came to the forefront of my mind. I al-

ready had some uneasiness about abortion because I saw

how having one negatively aected women close to me. In

the medical textbooks, I saw that from the moment of con-

ception, a new life comes into being. The complete genetic

blueprint is there. The sex is determined, the blood type

is determined, and the unique set of fingerprints is deter-

mined. That realization changed everything.I was mortified. I was angry. I didnt want to be pro-life.

I was seeking to have someone give me scientific informa-

tion that would prove otherwise. The best argument was

that the fetus is just a clump of cells, and if you get it early

enough, it doesnt even look like a baby. Coming from a

fashion backgroundand my years of working as a model

I reject giving one human being more value than another

simply because of the way someone looks. I think human

beings deserve to be protected at every stage of develop-

ment. And to this day, I remain open: If anyone has any in-

formation that the unborn is not a human being, Ill join

the pro-choice side. It would give me a lot of time and en-

ergy to put into other areas!

I often lecture at pro-life events, and there are colleagues

who tell me, This could destroy our business. [Ireland

runs a $2 billion lifestyle and design firm.] But its abso-

lutely irrelevant if our business goes down the toilet. If one

woman decides not to abort her child, my speaking out is

worth it. My earlier job description in the last century was,

Shut up and pose. Today I reject that kind of role.

PRO-CHOICE TO

PRO-LIFEPRO-LIFE TO

PRO-CHOICE

A MOVIE ABOUT

ABORTION SPARKEDMY INTEREST.

THE MIDDLE

EASTCHANGED ME.TULSI GABBARD, 31,U.S. congresswoman (DHawaii);

Honolulu

KATHY IRE LAND, 49,former model, now CEO and chief designer of

Kathy Ireland Worldwide; Santa Barbara, California


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I RECEIVED my first sex edu-cation in church, from mymom, who was an AfricanMethodist Episcopal youthminister. We were taughtthat sex is beautiful, sacredand good, but only within thecontext of marriage. Abortionwasnt discussed much, butit just wasnt something wewould ever have.

In 2009, I did youth policywork for a nonprofit in theWashington, D.C., child wel-fare system. Lots of the kidsI met had spent their lives infoster care. Often there wasa cycle of poverty, abuse orsubstance abuseand earlyparenthood. According toone study, nearly half of allgirls in foster care in the U.S.have been pregnant by theage of 19. I saw that whena young woman becomes aparent unintentionally, sheoften doesnt have the re-sources to care for her fam-ily in the way wed all say isideal. Watching this mademe think. What if ending the

pregnancy would be a wayto make a girls life better?I dont want to give the

impression that I think theseyoung women shouldnthave had their babies, butseeing them made me reallybelieve in options. I thinkthat we as a society shouldsupport the choice to be-come a mother. But if thewoman wants to make theother choice, then she hasthat right, too, I believe.

By my early twenties, Icould no longer agree thata woman should be forcedto continue a pregnancy shedoes not want. In my faith,God values women andtheir power to make deci-sions for their own bodies,lives and families.

I AM ONEof six girls, all raisedby our mom to be pro-lifefeminists. About eight yearsago, I was engaged andaccidentally got pregnant. Isay accidentally becauseI was on birth control. Butmy fianc and I were happyabout the pregnancy. Andthen some things in our re-lationship changed for the

worse. Fifteen weeks intothe pregnancy, we broke up.I faced life as a single

mom and pondered givingthe baby up for adoption.But I wanted him. Every dayI said hello to my unbornchild. I realized how stronglywomens bodies push thebonding. I also realized thatI couldnt ask other womento go through their bodyspriming just to give their un-wanted children away foradoption. The tie is too great.The hormones flooding you,the way your breasts be-

come thick with milk, the wayyou change each weekallof that should be a wantedtask. Children deservemothers who choose them.

Two days before I gavebirth to Lucian, I was driv-ing with my mom and one ofmy sisters. We started talk-ing about something on thenews regarding abortion. Isaid something like, Well,I wouldnt want anybody tohave a baby if she wasntready. They were floored.My sister said, Cate, how

can you say that? You havea baby in your belly! And Iwas like, I think thats whyI can say that. It was finallythat moment that made mesay, Im pro-choice now.

WHEN I WAS in eighth gradein Southern California,my Catholic school showedus a video of The SilentScream [a 1984 film thatdramatizes an abortion fromthe point of view of a fetus,depicting it as sufferinggreat pain]. I thought, I cantbelieve people are murderingbabies. My teacher told usthat abortion ruins womenslives and that everyone whohas an abortion regrets it.I was passionately againstabortion and even wrote

a letter to the governor ofCalifornia. Dear Governor,I said, Please stop killingbabies. Its wrong.

Everything changed when,in 2009, while a graduatestudent, I was sexually as-saulted by a friend. I wasterrified that I was pregnant.I had done nothing wrong,and yet this horrible eventwas threatening to derail mylife. I knew I could have thechild, but it would wreckme emotionally and ruin mycareer. I realized I would

probably get an abortion ifI was pregnant, or at leaststrongly consider it. It wasthe first time I ever acknowl-edged, Icould do this. Itwas a huge shock. And thatmade me question the as-sumptions I had made aboutothers who did get abortions.

I turned out not to bepregnant, but from thatpoint forward, I was neverable to view the issue thesame way. I could see whatlife was like for people whomade these decisions. Icould no longer believe that

abortion was a litmus testfor whether you believe inGod or are a good person.It changed the whole wayI thought about the matter.After the assault, I knewfor some women, having achild is more traumatic thanhaving an abortion.

SHELLY B., 29,college professor;

Round Rock, Texas

SAMANTHA GRIFFIN, 25,program assistant for

a nonprofit organization;

Hyattsville, Maryland

EARLY ON, my take on abor-tion was: It didnt matter tome. I was pro-life; I had nointention of having an abor-tion. As for everyone else, Icould not have cared less.

Then, at 27, when Iwas 26 weeks along ina pregnancy, I was toldthat my baby had a rarecondition that could causecomplications for me.

My husband and I sawa genetic specialist, whotossed out phrases likeDandy-Walker syndrome,worst case weve ever seenand 5 percent chance ofmaking it to birth. The babysbrain was one third the sizeit should have been, and thefluid around the brain wasincreasing. Her head isexpanding so rapidly, it isgoing to eventually crushinto your organs, I remem-ber our doctor saying later.

I looked at my husbandand said, What are wegoing to do? I already hadthree kids who were very

youngtwo, six and eight.My husband turned to me,crying, and said, Gin, thisbaby is not going to live.Why are we risking yourhealth to carry it to term?

We went back to the doc-tors and were told it wasagainst Wisconsin law toterminate a pregnancy thisfar along unless my life wasimmediatelyat risk. Minewas not, yet, and my doc-tors would not tell me ofany other abortion options.Planned Parenthood finallyinformed me we could see

Dr. George Tiller, in Kansas,for a late-term abortion.

While I was sitting inDr. Tillers office, I realizedthat medical informationhad been withheld from mebecause someone elsedecided I shouldnt know it.And I thought, Who am I tojudge someone? After that,I have been pro-choice.

GING ER THEW, 48,stay-at-home mom;

Oconomowoc, Wisconsin

CATE NE LSON, 35,restaurant server;

Harrisonburg, Virginia

PRO-LIFE TO

PRO-CHOICE

I MET UNWED

MOTHERS.

I SURVIVEDA RAPE.

I KNEW I COULDNEVER GIVEAWAY A BABY.

MY BABYCOULD HAVE

KILLED ME.


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IF YOU HAD TOLD my 25-year-old self that I would endup identifying as pro-life, Iwould have said, No way.Im an urban gal, well trav-eled, adventurous, secular. . . People tend to assumeIm liberal when they meetme and are surprised by myviews. But by way of twoexperiences, I stumbled upon

what was inside my heart.In 2008, I began taking

care of my dad. He wasdiagnosed with lung cancerat 82 and beat it, but thestress on his body from thechemotherapy really worehim down. My maternalgrandmother, who was 92and frail, developed ovariancancer two years later andalso needed care. It broughtout a lot of love in me, aswell as a strong protectiveurge and a desire to easetheir suffering.

I was with them the mo-ment each passed in February2010. Except for havingbeen present when my catdied five years earlier, Idnever experienced death sofirsthand. I became consciousof the limited amount of timepeople have and of thefinality of death. My fatherand grandmother had bothbeen remarkable peoplewith long lives full of loveand significant relationships.The more I thought about it,the more I realized: A baby inutero has the same poten-

tial. Just because we havethe ability to cause concep-tion doesnt mean its OKto cause a death. To end alife before it has an oppor-tunity to draw a breathsuddenly seemed unjust,unfair and uncivilized.

IM FROM a predominantlyliberal, Democratic area.Being pro-choice wasthe accepted belief in myhousehold. I figured thatsince women are the oneswho are stuck with the baby,we should be the ones tochoose. I probably wouldhave considered abortionif I had gotten pregnant asa teenager. I had my owndreams and goals that I

didnt want thwarted.In college, people chal-

lenged my beliefs, especiallyduring my second year2008when there was apresidential election. A lotof my friends were Catholic.Most were pro-life. I thought,I should be more open-minded and at least read upon the issue. In my biological-anthropology class, I held theskull of a fetus Im guessingwas three to five monthsold. I was shocked by howdeveloped it was. It made

me wonder what a fetusgoes through when aborted.It made me sick to think ofinflicting that on anyone.

I went through a hard,slow transition. I dont likethe idea of telling other peo-ple what to do. Im blackand Muslim. As a child, Ithought the pro-life move-ment was mostly white andChristian. But on the Inter-net, I saw that all kinds ofpeople were pro-life. If beingpro-life were only aboutreligion, I wouldnt be sooutspoken about it.

In some ways, my decisionhas made things harder.I know that some pro-lifepeople are judgmental, butIm annoyed if others see methat way. To me, a true pro-lifer is someone who caresnot only about unborn babiesbut also about pregnantwomen who need betterresources to choose life.

WHEN I WAS 43, I had mythird child. It was a powerfulexperience that opened thedoor to a period of changein my life. Id had two childrenin my thirties, and the thirdone was my last hurrah.After that, I wasnt able toget pregnant anymore,and I went into full-blownperimenopause, which

prompted some deep soulsearching. Not only was mybody changing, but so weremy emotions and psyche. Iwas examining everything.

I looked back at all thechoices I had made andwhere they had led me. Inmy twenties, I had gottenpregnant out of wedlocktwice, and it had frightenedme. I hadnt felt adequateto bring a child into theworld, so Id had abortionsboth times. I started to callmyself pro-choice.

But having childrenchanged me. When I lookat how much I love them,it affirms my relationshipwith God. I see life as a gift.Going through perimeno-pause caused me to thinkboth about lifemy newchildand about my mortal-ity, as well as that of myparents. These thoughtsimpressed upon me that thepower of life and death wasnot in my hands. By the timeI was 50, I had become pro-life. I could no longer justifymy abortions. It became

obvious to me that I had in-terrupted a cycle of life thatwas not mine to interrupt.

ANGEL ARMSTEAD, 32,writer; Chaptico, Maryland

MAGNOLIA MILLER, 55,health writer and blogger;

Bellbrook, Ohio

ABORTION WAS NEVERbrought up in my familyuntil I got pregnant at 15.My dad told me that if I didnot get an abortion, I wouldbe kicked out of the house.So I went into the clinic andhad it done. For 15 daysafter that, I didnt get out ofbed. I felt numb and angry,and I didnt know why, asabortion had seemed to bethe best option. Rather than

facing what happened, Idecided to be pro-choice.I felt that being pro-life,after what Id done, wouldhave made me a hypocrite.

I became pregnant againat 19. And it was differ-ent from the very beginning.My boyfriend was ecstatic,thrilled. He said, Were go-ing to make this work. Thencame the eight-week ultra-sound. My expectation wasthat I was going to see a littlefuzzy thing, but this was oneof the clearest pictures Ive

ever seen. I could see thebabys head, the stubs of itsarms and feet, and the heartbeating away, clear as day.

Seeing that not only madethe pregnancy more realbut also made everythingelse more terrifying. Becausewhen you see a sonogram,you cant deny theres alife. Whether you think itshuman or not is a differentstory, but its obviously alive.Now all I could think was,What happenedbefore?Did I kill something?

The next few months were

the hardest of my life. At 16weeks I felt my baby movefor the first time, and at 20I found out I was having agirl. Im thinking, Im goingto meet my daughter, andthen Ill know what couldhave been. I lost a child thatI chose to lose. Ultimately Ibecame pro-life with noex-ceptions for rape or incest.

ALBANY ROSE, 21,stay-at-home mom;

La Salle, Colorado

DIANE GEIGE R, 43,Web/media project

manager; Detroit

PRO-CHOICE TO

PRO-LIFE

COLLEGE

OPENEDMY EYES.

DURING

PERIMENOPAUSE,I RE-EXAMINEDMY PAST CHOICES.

I SAW ASONOGRAMOF MY BABY.

CARINGFOR SICKRELATIVESMADE ME

SEE HOWPRECIOUSLIFE IS.

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Kathy Ireland:Love of Life