Commun ty MattersKansas City Presbyterian Manor March 2015

GENEROSITY continued on page 2 WATSON continued on page 2

PresbyterianManors rooted inGenerosityWe often recall the story of AliceKalb, who at 90 traveled to a 1947Presbyterian Synod of Kansasmeeting to ask for a retirementcommunity in Kansas. According to Edwin Shafer, seniorvice president of development, whatMrs. Kalb basically told the Synodwas: “If I give you all the money Ihave, will you build a home for theaging?” Her heart-felt offersymbolized the plight of a growingnumber of seniors needing thechurch’s help. Kalb’s initiative led afarmer from Wakarusa, Kan., tobequeath his farm to the newproject. The sale of that land uponhis death provided the funds for thefirst building of NewtonPresbyterian Manor. Today, philanthropy at PMMA isevidenced through communitypartnerships, capital campaigns,Good Samaritan Program giving,special projects campaigns, andplanned giving.Many of PMMA’s 18 communitieswere opened with the help of localfundraising campaigns. There were

Resident profile: Patricia Watson

Finding hope throughhelping others

Patricia “Pat” Watson hasn’t lived at Presbyterian Manor very long, but thatdoesn’t mean she hasn’t already made an impression. After a fall at home lefther unable to stand, she came to live at here in July and quickly found herplace.“Everyone is good to everyone around here. I’d like to be more involved, butI’m not able to get around like I used to. Still,  I do what I can,” said Pat.“There are several people older than I, and in worse condition, and I can stillhelp. Sometimes, it’s just as simple as rolling up alongside someone andchatting with them for five minutes. That can make their whole day. Or whensomeone tries to get past a piece of furniture or something or is unable, I cansit and talk with them until help comes. I had one lady tell the nurses I washer best friend, even though she didn’t know me five minutes earlier. We canall help in our own ways.”Pat’s late husband, Kenneth, is a big reason why she feels the way she doesabout helping others in spite of physical limitations.“My husband was blind the last 20 years of his life, but he didn’t let that stophim from doing what he wanted to do and helping others,” Pat said. “We hada big garden, and he enjoyed working out there. He knew exactly whereeverything was. He could repair the tiller and sharpen the mower blade, a lotof things that most sighted people couldn’t even do. He was quite a talentedman. He was a wonderful example for me and others.”Kenneth and Pat had three children – a banker, a minister and a teacher – allroles which involve helping others. They were very active in the community,and Patricia was especially active in her church, Wyandotte UnitedMethodist.“I helped out with many things around the church, just like everyone else.When I became older and unable to go to committee meetings, they beganmeeting in my home,” Pat said. “One thing I was always able to do was bake.

is published monthly for residents and friends of Kansas City Manor by Presbyterian Manors of Mid-America

organization. Learn more at PresbyterianManors.org

Peatric Gates, executive directorCharley Lewis, marketing director

To submit or suggest articles for this publication, contact Charley at clewis@pmma.org.

Telephone: 913-334-3666 Fax: 913-334-2904Address: 7850 Freeman, Kansas City, KS 66112-2133

Our mission: We provide quality senior services guided by Christian values.

KansasCityPresbyterianManor.org

Community Matters

2 COMMUNITY MATTERS MARCH 2015

®

®

donations of land for the Clay Center,Fort Scott, Olathe and Topekalocations. In addition, coalitions ofcitizens, churches and business leadersraised money for buildings in theDodge City, Emporia, Parsons andRolla.Through the years, capital campaignshave enabled PMMA communities tocontinue expanding services andremodeling campuses. Over the pasteight years, Shafer said, there have beenfour capital campaigns.Ark City added a memory care assistedliving neighborhood, and Clay Centeradded health care rooms and space for

GENEROSITYcontinued from page 1

dining and activities. Newton createdseveral neighborhoods at the health carelevel, and Rolla added assisted livingrooms and a community meetingroom.

Good Samaritan Program PMMA’s Good Samaritan BenevolentCare Program provides close to $4million a year to touch the lives ofnearly 400 residents, Shafer said.Mailings are sent throughout the yearto enlist support from friends. TheGood Samaritan Program allowsresidents to remain in their apartmentseven after they have exhausted theirfinancial resources.A similar mail solicitation is conductedin late summer/early fall to benefit theEmployee Scholarship Fund, whichreimburses employees for tuition forapproved classes.Some campuses have special eventfundraising programs, usuallybenefitting each campus’ GoodSamaritan Program.

Special projectsPresbyterian Manor communities haveother events and efforts to raise moneyfor special projects, often suggested andspearheaded by residents. A couple of months ago, for exampleLawrence’s soft-serve ice creammachine, donated to the campus 15years ago, could no longer be repaired.

So residents kicked off a campaign toraise the money for a replacement. In amatter of two weeks, they reached the$15,000 goal.

Planned giving“We promote gifts through wills andtrusts as way for someone to ‘pay itforward,’” Shafer said. Wills and trustshave resulted in millions of dollarsgiven to PMMA through the years. Allof those funds are invested in thecommunities, he said. Donors maydesignate which location will benefit. “Seventeen of our 18 communitieshave benefitted from estate gifts,”Shafer said.“Even our newest campus, AberdeenHeights, already has individuals whoare including Aberdeen Heights intheir estate plans.”Shafer said one of the most popularestate planning gifts is the charitablegift annuity. It is referred to as a “lifeincome gift.” because the donorreceives income for his or her lifetimeat a specified percentage based on thedonor’s age at the time of the gift.Donors for these annuities must be atleast 65. Generally, older donors willreceive a higher return rate, Shafersaid. For more information aboutPlanned Giving, contact Shafer ateshafer@pmma.org or call 800-336-8511.

WATSON continued from page 1For the women’s club’s semi-annual garage and bake sales, I would make laundrybaskets full of baked goods. My most popular item was black walnut zucchinibread.”From supporting the neighborhood with her large garden to cooking updelicious treats for her church family to simply sitting alongside her fellowPresbyterian Manor residents when they’re in need, Pat Watson trulydemonstrates a spirit of generosity and kindness.“That’s just part of life,” she said. “You’ve got to be involved and help others. Aperson who does it all alone doesn’t have a good life. I was raised by adoptiveparents. They were farmers and were always helping the neighbors. We’d dropeverything and run to help a neighbor if they were in trouble.”

We celebrated Elvis’ birthday on Jan. 8 with anElvis-themed party. We have a lot of residents whostill love Elvis and listen to his music. We watchedElvis movies, drank root beer floats and had arockin' good time. 

KANSAS CITY PRESBYTERIAN MANOR 3

Lucille Williams shakes, rattles and rolls with Activity AssistantAshley Davies. 

Hope Reyes cuts a rug to the sounds of the famous crooner. 

Birthday party gets

'All Shook Up'

March 2 - 27, 2015Resident survey

• complete the •

Quality of services

Your Opinion Matters

4 COMMUNITY MATTERS MARCH 2015

How to Heal a Rift With Your Adult ChildFamily feuds are heartbreaking — don’t let pride fuel the problemBy Erica Manfred

For a full year in my 20s, I did not speakto my mother. She was controlling,overbearing and hypercritical, and shehad a nasty habit of shooting zingers atme and then insisting she didn’t meananything by them. At 19, I moved toNew York City from our New Jerseysuburb to escape her, but every time shecalled or visited, we’d slip into the sameold battles.

One day I’d finally had enough andstopped calling or returning her calls. Iwas her only child, and the riftdevastated her. She phoned regularlyand tried to see me, but I was adamantabout needing my own space withouther in it. My father, whom shedominated as well, made it his businessto stay away from me.

I’m softhearted by nature, so Ieventually relented, and my mom and Ireverted to our usual tense relationship— but with one difference. I let herknow that some of her behavior, such asconstantly criticizing my weight, wasn’tacceptable and that if she didn’t stop it,I’d disconnect again. She knew I meantit and actually managed to change someof her more egregious behaviors.

After my father died following a longillness, my relationship with my motherimproved immensely. She’d had to takecare of him and had always been veryunhappy in her marriage. With himgone, I believe, she was able to lightenup for the last 15 years of her life,during which time we became veryclose and actually had a lot of funtogether, creating memories for which Iam profoundly grateful.

Unfortunately, many brokenparent/child relationships don’t havesuch a happy ending. I have many friendswho are still bitter about the way theirparents treated them, even years aftertheir deaths. Many adult children can’tforgive or get past the issues; sometimesparents aren’t willing or able to changetheir behavior; and sometimes the child’sbehavior is so negative or dangerous(such as with substance abuse) that theparent must cut him or her off.

In most cases, however, it is the parentwho will have to make the first move toreach out and try to mend the rift,especially if the child is too angry or hurtto do it — or if they haven’t fullygrasped that they don’t have forever tomake things right. There is no sadder fatethan a parent dying without a chance tosay that final “I love you.”

Why Parent-Child Rifts Happen

Rifts are often rooted in issues that goback to childhood. Issues never dealtwith at an early age, such as a childfeeling that a parent played favorites or aconflicted divorce, can cause pain andanger that festers. Then some “triggeringincident” occurs later in life, oftenleading to an argument, and then thechild cuts the parent off. The fight can beas minor as an argument over where tocelebrate Thanksgiving or as weighty as aparent’s disapproval of a child’s spouseand constant comments and behaviorsthat reflect that.

How to Move Past Blame

Changing your relationship with yourchild is not all about the past — it's alsoabout the present. You need to find out

what your child needs from you rightnow to make the relationship right.That could be anything from notbeing critical of her career toembracing her choice of a spouse torelating better to the grandchildren.

Taking Responsibility for YourPart

As it was for my mother, it can bevery hard for parents to comprehendwhat they did to push their childrenaway. Not everyone has an ability forthat level of self-reflection.

The Hardest Two Words: “I’mSorry”

The power of a sincere apologycannot be overestimated. You can’tjust offer a blanket “I’m sorry,”though, and expect dramatic results.It’s essential to find out what’s at theroot of the rift, acknowledge yourpart in it and make real efforts tomend it. Express remorse, not justguilt.

Bear in mind that your apology maynot heal all wounds. If your childrefuses to forgive or simply won’tcommunicate after repeatedattempts on your part, you may haveto pull back. As Pfeiffer advises, “Youcan’t force something that isn’tmeant to be. At some point you needto come to peace with the fact thatyou did everything you could yet stillcouldn’t mend the rift.”

No matter what, parent/child bonds are for life. You are the onlymother or father they will ever have,and eventually something mayhappen that impels them to comeback to you.

KANSAS CITY PRESBYTERIAN MANOR 5

Missouri gets new campus; Wichita campus is rebornThis month, we conclude our look at the history of Presbyterian Manors of Mid-Americaas we celebrate the organization’s 65th anniversary.

In 2006, SSM Health Care of St. Louis moved itsSt. Joseph’s Hospital from a site in Kirkwood,Mo. As part of this hospital relocation, SSMHealth Care issued a request for proposals todetermine what to do with the old hospitalcampus site. Presbyterian Manors of Mid-America’s proposal for a continuing careretirement community was selected as theproject to be constructed on the old hospital site.

PMMA’s 18th senior living community known asAberdeen Heights opened in September 2011.Upon completion, Aberdeen Heights wouldinclude 243 independent living apartments, 30assisted living apartments, 15 residential-stylememory care rooms and 38 private nursingrooms. Aberdeen Heights is PMMA’s fourthsenior living community in Missouri, joining thecommunities in Farmington, Fulton and Rolla.

In August 2012, PMMA announced plans for a majorrepositioning of its Wichita Presbyterian Manor campus.The project would encompass nearly two-thirds of thegrounds by replacing existing independent living cottagesand the assisted living and health care areas with newbuildings, completed in two phases.

The first phase encompassed new assisted livingapartments including 24 assisted living memory care

suites and a new health care neighborhood with dedicatedshort-term rehabilitation suites and new common areas forall levels of care. The amenities include a new chapel, bistro,beauty salons for independent, assisted living and health careareas and a new kitchen for the entire campus. The first phasewas completed in late 2014 with health care residentsmoving into their new building in November, and the assistedliving residents moving into their new residences inDecember.

Phase II of the repositioning of the Wichita campus willinclude 90 independent livingapartments in a new three-storybuilding known as The Westerly. Thissecond phase began in December2014 with demolition of the previoushealth care and assisted livingbuildings. The Westerly is slated toopen in late 2015.

Aberdeen Heights in Kirkwood, Mo. sits on the site of the former St. Joseph’s Hospital.

The first phase of Wichita Presbyterian new construction was completed in 2014. The secondphase is slated to open in late 2015.

®

®

Kansas City Presbyterian Manor7850 FreemanKansas City, KS 66112-2133

Return Service Requested

6 COMMUNITY MATTERS MARCH 2015

Tired of paper?Sign up to get our newsletter by email. VisitKansasCityPresbyterianManor.organd enter your email address in the box on the right.

March into fun SUNDAY, MARCH 1: Gospel Lights Band at 3 p.m. in the Chapel

SATURDAY, MARCH 7: Christian Music Ministry Singers 2:30 p.m. in theChapel  

TUESDAY, MARCH 17: St. Patrick’s Day Party at 2 p.m. in the Chapel  

FRIDAY, MARCH 20: Resident Birthday Party at 2 p.m. withentertainment from the group Note Worthy in the Chapel

SATURDAY, MARCH 28: Easter Egg Hunt and ContinentalBreakfast at 10 a.m. for resident and employee families (Children 12 and under only for the egg hunt. Please bring your own basket or sack for your eggs.) 

Coming up in Community Matters:Community Matters will focus on Older American’s Month in anupcoming issue. The 2015 theme is “Getting into the Act.”

How were you involved in your community? Did you serve inpublic office or otherwise participate in civic government? Whatwas your experience like?If you have a story to tell, contact Charley Lewis to share youridea. Your story may be selected for the next issue of yourcommunity newsletter.

Daylight savingtime begins Sunday,March 8. Be sure to “spring forward” and set your clocks ahead

one hour.