Judith Bell, M.S. & Daniel Ellenberg, PhD

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• Mindfulness movement • Evolution of consciousness

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• Principles

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Mindful

Present

Intentional

Focused

Compassionate

Authentic

Curious

Resilient

Impeccable

Positive

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• Impediments • Tools • Practices

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Evolution, Survival, & Conversations • Opportunities & threats • Negativity bias & safety • Prospect of challenging conversation often triggers

survival • “Humans when threatened are similar to other

mammals: they shift states to defend, become more reptilian, and lose access to their social communication skills.”

Stephen Porges

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Evolution, Survival & Conversations • “Survival is not just something we do in the

presence of a wild beast. Social situations are often survival encounters.”

Joseph LeDoux

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Activity • Groups of 4 • Complete sentence stem • Person on left say • Complete same sentence stem • Continue until I give new sentence stem

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Activity • Regarding important conversations…

– I’m concerned that… – I stop myself by… – What I long for is…

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Be Mindful • Aware of moment to moment experience • Skill set to use awareness constructively

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Be Mindful

• Allows us to… – be reflective rather than reactive interpersonally – further our positive intentions during important

conversations – course correct quickly from reactivity

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• Find a partner • Tell each other how you know…

– when you are being mindful – when someone else is being mindful

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• Debrief mindfulness conversation – What behaviors did you notice? – What emotions were you aware of? – What somatic sensations did you notice? – What thoughts did you notice?

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Be Intentional • Planning conversations

and probability • Clarity: know what you

want to achieve – Start with the end in

mind – Be Specific – Get the facts

• Be curious • Ask questions

• Be aware of shadow intentions © 2014 Rewire

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Intention Activity • Find a Partner • AEIOU Real Play

– Agreement – End in mind – Importance – Obstacles – Us

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Be Compassionate

ate Be

“And in the end, We were all just humans,

Drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal

our brokenness.” Christopher Poindexter

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• Research on self-compassion… – Allows for greater change and flexibility than

self-criticism – Not soft and demotivating – Calms self and help spread it to others

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Self-Compassion • Margin of error

– Letting go of perfectionism

• Be kind to yourself – Let go of shame

• Little chickens (common humanity)

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Compassion towards Others • Compassion promotes pro-social,

healthy attitudes and behaviors • Self-compassion • Let go of blame • Appreciate differences

– Diversity

• Express empathy • Open yourself to resonating with the

other

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Compassion Activity

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• “I believe in going from failure to failure with enthusiasm.”

Winston Churchill

• Resilience Dynamics®

– Stability – Adaptability – Reviability

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Stressor Disruptive Element

Defensive Reactions

Fight

Flight Freeze Appease

Growth Mindset

Get Curious Course Correct

Positive Attribution

Fear

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Lead w/ Vulnerability

Thriving Vision

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You & Resilience • Find a partner • Reflect on a time when you reacted

poorly

• Take 2

• When I am aware… • When you are aware…

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• Celebrate your successes • Express Gratitude: It

sweetens everything • Create Win-Win Solutions:

Everybody benefits – Problem Solve: Talking beats

fighting

• Have Fun: It makes work and life more joyful

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• Form a group of 3 • Something you learned or relearned that

was important for you

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• Gratitude • Importance • Feelings • Thoughts

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• 1 thing you learned or relearned or had big impact on you

• Fill out card • Give to person you wrote about,

Judith and Daniel, or keep for self

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Contact Information

Relationships That Work® &

Rewire Leadership Institute®

415.883.5600

www.relationshipsthatwork.com www.rewireleadership.com

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