Joe Ditzel Has Some Problems in Los Angeles

8/8/2019 Joe Ditzel Has Some Problems in Los Angeles

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Joe Ditzel

Has SomeProblems in

Los Angeles


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Joe Ditzel Has Some Problems in Los Angeles

Copyright 2010 Joe Ditzel

All rights reserved. Printed in the United States o America. No part o this bookmay be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permis-sion rom the author except in the case o reprints in the context o reviews.

For more inormation, write:Hartord-Whaley Publishing914 Westwood Blvd.No. 327Los Angeles, CA 90024

FIRS EDIION

Library o Congress/CIP Data Pending

Ditzel, Joe

Joe Ditzel Has Some Problems in Los Angeles/Joe Ditzel

1. American wit and humor.

www.joeditzel.com

[email protected]


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Shafed

I live on the ourth oor o a our story lux-

ury apartment building. By luxury, I meanthe hot water is hot or more than 3 minutes.My building is central to most o LA. But itstill takes 2 hours to get anywhere.

One hour drive in the car.

One hour surviving the elevator ride.

Hal the time I want to go rom the ourthoor to the lobby, the elevator stops on thesecond oor, the doors open and no one getson. Ten I see someone standing in the hall-way. Tey ask, Going up?

Going the other way is just as bad. On theway up, I can count on stopping at least once.When the doors open, the same knuckleheadstands there and asks, Going down?

Tere is a possibility the elevators are stop-ping and opening the doors by themselves.I that is the case, my building has biggerproblems than the crazy residents. Te eleva-tors are possessed! Tis all, ristar Picturespresents the scariest movie o all time- EL-EVAOR! Get ready to get shaed!

Setting aside demonic elevators or the mo-ment, it means the residents and/or theirguests are pushing the UP button when theywant to go DOWN and vice versa. his isunderstandable. Te arrows on the buttonsare sometimes conusing. o make it clearer,these diagrams may help:

Tis shape indicates UP:

Tis shale indicates DOWN:

When you want to travel in an upward ash-ion, moving rom the earth toward your se-lected oor, the UP arrow applies. When youwant to move rom your living space back tothe ground, select the DOWN arrow.

Maybe some people just have lots o time ontheir hands and are just punching the but-tons on a whim, going up or down depend-ing on their mood that minute. Its not such abad thing. Spontaneity adds spice to lie. Onetime in college I borrowed my dads car ora date. I picked her up at her sorority housenear Akron U. We started out to go bowlingat Stonehenge Bowling Alley in CuyahogaFalls. But somehow we ended up in Myrtle


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Beach. I dont think my dad noticed the extra1500 miles on the speedometer.

So, spontaneity is good. But randomlypunching the elevator buttons and going or

a ride oers limited surprises. Especially inmy building. On the top oor there is a bluecarpet, an ashtray and a window overlookingthe pool. You might think the pool would o-er some entertainment. However, althoughis LA is ull o beautiul women, none othem are ever seen in my pool. Or my wholebuilding.

At the other end o the elevator sha is P2, theparking deck. Tere is nothing to see there,either. In act, it is dangerous. My buildingis near the amous La Brea ar Pits and it-sel sits on some o the ancient deposits. Teoor on P2 is always cracking with oily taroozing up. One o these days a Ford Exploreris going to get sucked under, resuracing in amillion years with a mastodon at the wheel,his head sticking through the sunroo.

Im glad I dont have to park my car on P2-it loods- at least, thats what a big sign inthe laundry room warns: PLEASE WAIHREE MINUES BEWEEN URNINGON INDIVIDUAL WASHING MACHINES.OHERWISE, I FLOODS ON P2. Ivenever waited the three minutes between ma-chines. By the time I do laundry, Ive flled 38machines. I I waited the requisite three min-utes, Id have to wear my laundry day outftor a week- Rancho Park gol hat, torn OhioUniversity Bobcat t-shirt that last ft me in1985, swimming trunks, and ip ops.

My building is a limited tourist attraction. As

cops say aer a bar fght, Tere is nothing tosee here people. Lets move it out.

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Joe Ditzel Has Some Problems in Los Angeles