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I. Planning and preparation
Background
It was important for me (Jaya) to connect with Runu, who had replaced me as anchor‐person
for Jharkhand since my illness in March 2012. So, Nandini (Pradan), Runu, Jaya and Kulsoom
met in Delhi a few weeks prior to the workshop to catch up on how things are shaping up in
Koderma. A few issues got highlited, which needed attention. For instance:
• More involvement of Pradan team and CRPs in training,
• Better clarity on the part of women as to why have they come for the workshop,
• More discipline during sessions on the part of both – women participants and members
of Pradan. (e.g. use of mobile phone or going out in between a session)
Some discussions were held amongst the four of us on various tools that could be used and the
blocks that may have to be faced, (for instance understanding Patriarchy). We discussed about
the exercises that have been used in earlier workshops where Pradan team and some CRPs
were present. Some interactions between Avijit and Jaya took place through phone calls and
emails to decide on issues like the theme, the logistics, Pradan team as trainers etc.
Objectives:
• As for earlier camps, the main objective of this workshop for a fresh batch of women
leaders, was to open up issues of gender discrimination, power play of different kinds in
society and patriarchy as it operates through these. In addition women’s expression and
articulation, confidence and understanding were sought to be enhanced. Also, women
had to chart out some road‐map of action. Attempts were to be made to identity
women who can play assertive and active roles.
• The other important objective was to see that members of Pradan team and CRPs
execute some of the exercises and facilitate discussions. So their confidence as trainers
was also sought to be enhanced.
Methodology
• Lot of sharing, questioning and open dialogue
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• Space for lateral learning
• Use of tools like role‐plays, drawings, songs, posters, films and small group discussions.
Planning with Pradan team at Koderma
In the evening before the workshop a brief meeting was held amongst Jaya, Kulsoom, Avijit,
Naveen, Pranav, Ranvijay and Mahendra, to chalk out some details of the workshop. Specific
plans consisted of roles and responsibilities of different people in facilitation e.g.
• Introduction – Naveen, Poonam, Avijit + other CRPS
• Song – Poonam and others
• Exercise of Kamal‐Kamali – Naveen, Pranav, Kulsoom
• Statements on differentiation of Gender and Sex – Poonam, Safina, Ranvijay, Sudha
• Film analyzing and enunciating norms for the workshop – Safina, Naveen
• Debriefing – Avijit, Jaya, Kulsoom
• Tying up – Jaya, Kulsoom
• Recap – Sudha, Safina, Gulnaaz and other CRPs
• Group work – 2 persons from Pradan, including a CRP
• Guidelines for group work – Jaya, Kulsoom, Avijit, Naveen
It was also clarified that this is a broad guideline. It is important to keep in mind that even while
Jaya or Kulsoom might be facilitating, anyone from Pradan‐team can intervene. These were not
water‐tight roles. As it turned out facilitations by Pradan persons turned out to be quite
spontaneous. They were able to initiate discussions and take things forward.
II. The Sessions and Issues
Day 1: Session I – Welcome, expectations and introduction
Greetings with flowers and ‘saheli rakhis’/’friendship bands’ exchanged amongst all, opened the
workshop. The significance of flowers and bands/rakhis as symbols of solidarity, freshness and
pledges to help each other was talked about. This set a tone of comfort and comraderie.
The expectations of participants, elicited through questions like “what have you come here for,”
were understanding issues like
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• domestic violence,
• reforming society and family
• oppression and injustice meted out to daughters –in‐law
• forming and sustaining groups
• issues that are important for the village
In the debriefing emphasis was laid on a few ideas, for instance:
• Participatory training is a two way process where the learner and the trainer learn from
each other. Without the stories and experiences of the women and their insights, no
trainer can do much.
• Secondly, those who have come must share their learning with other women in the
village and in the ‘mandals’ when they go back.
• And lastly all expectations have to converge on the ‘Rights of women’. We have to
understand our rights against violence and injustice
After brief self introduction of trainers, the fact that those who have participated in earlier
trainings, especially from Pradan team and the CRPs, will facilitate many of the exercises,
was shared with the whole group.
Introduction through symbols (Naveen and Poonam)
Kite‐shaped blank, ‘identity‐cards’, attached to threads to be worn around the neck during
the duration of the workshop, were distributed. Each women had to draw something that
comes to her mind which gives her happiness and strength and which reflects her
personality. A plethora of pictures emerged on a range of qualities, aspirations and
attributes. In the debriefing session, everyone explained why she/he has chosen what
she/he had drawn.
• I wish to flow and move forward like the river.
• The pond is my favourite. It gives water and life to the
fields and to us.
• To keep swimming like a fish and fighting against
atrocities is my wish.
• I want to float like a boat on the turbulent waters of life.
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• I don’t want to be imprisoned like a bird in a cage. I want to fly in the sky like a kite,
a bird and the colourful butterfly.
• Flowers like marigold or lotus and a garden full of flowers mean giving beauty and
fragrance, and opening up. We wish to be like flowers.
• The leaf of the peepul tree is me. I want to shine and float and generate cool breeze
like the leaf.
• The candle and the sun provide light. We wish to spread light of knowledge to all.
Didis, also give light to each other.
• I pray at the temple and derive strength.
• I am like the ant which goes on prodding despite falling. Fighting for justice, we
move four steps forward but one step backward. Yet we do not stop. We keep
moving.
• A family where there is no violence is what I wish for every human being.
• A playground is what I want to be, where all the didis can freely play and have fun.
• Our ‘Mahila Mandal’ gives us information, inspiration and strength.
• The bank and the block office are important. They have given us opportunities to
become confident and negotiate.
• For us aanganwadi and school symbolize care and education for girls.
This session ended on a note of exuberance. Everyone was enabled to look within, think and
reflect and to draw an object which said something about oneself.
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Safina and Poonam asked about the norms that should be followed during the workshop. They
were spelt out as keeping rooms clean, switching off the mobile phones, no discrimination
against anyone, listening with attention etc.
The song ‘mil kar hum nachenge’ sung by all, further enhanced the excitement and comfort
levels.
Day 1: Session 2 – Gender discrimination – Kamal Kamli (main facilitators – Naveen,
Pranav and Kulsoom)
As requested, six volunteers came forward to stand for the roles of two couples, two brothers
and their wives, and one child of each with a line drawn in the middle. The elder brother and his
wife have a daughter and the younger couple gets a son. Participants when asked, spelt out the
various stages of life from birth to adulthood in the lives of the two children and the situations
the parents face. The couple who reap an advantage will move forward and discussions were
held on each situation and each one of them reflected the discrimination faced by girls and
woman throughout their lives. Almost every woman took part in it, as they touched the very
core of their being. In fact, one middle‐aged woman broke into a beautiful, poignant song on
the theme of discrimination. It spoke of the double‐speak fathers have for their daughters
regarding food, education and personal desires (‘kahe kaila ho babuji durang nitiya’). She sang
the entire song, which made every pair of eyes moist.
So, discrimination at every stage of the life of a woman was spelt out as expressively as the
favoritism shown to man. Accordingly the parents with the son, (though they happened to be
lower in the hierarchy of a joint family), moved a step forward but the other couple remained
stationary.
The double standard adapted at every stage of life was talked about by everyone. Questions
were posed to unravel gender discrimination. ‘In different situations can Kamli move forward?’
People say it is her destiny. But then family and society do everything that helps the son to grow
and develop. It is not just destiny. Kamli is left to her fate whereas Kamal is not. Kamal and his
parents can ‘move’ several steps ahead of Kamli and her parents.
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At birth
Kamal • Celebrations with songs and sweets • Relatives are invited • The sister‐in‐law gets present in gold jewellery.
• The mother is given good food and respected
• She breast feeds the son. • Fresh food, milk • Taking care • Immediate attention to illness • Spending beyond means • Attends private school • Time to play • Goes out • Good clothes • Roams about in undergarments • The male development of erection and discharge of water is considered pure
• Rides the bicycle or even motor cycle • Grows strong and powerful • Harasses girls • Eats well • Goes out in society • Makes friends • Seeks work •
Kamali • Sadness, low voices • Sarcastic comments are thrown at the
mother • She is not given enough nutrition and
made to work immediately after giving birth
• Breast‐feeding the girl child is not important.
• Stale food • Neglect, ‘if she lives on her own, o.k. if
she dies, it does not matter’. • Spending within means. • Attends govt. school • Starts doing household chores. • Stays home • Any garment, but ‘dupatta’ (shoulder
cover) must with suit • Menstruation starts, restricting
activities, like not allowed to go to temple. Girls cannot touch agriculture work, cooking or take part in festivals. Sometimes they cannot attend even school.
• • Already married, may be with children • Poor heath due to this • Forced sex by husband but Kamli
cannot express her desire • She gets less love and respect • Works from 4 a.m. to 11 p.m. • Fasts for husband • Cannot complain even to parents • Has to adjust and face violence.
1st year of life
5 years of life
13 years of age
20 years of age
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Discussions emerged on the issue of menstruation. At one level it is considered impure. But a
girl who does not menstruate at all, faces huge problems. She cannot get married and even if
does, she is thrown out by in‐laws as she cannot bear a child. The irony of menstruation as
being impure as also the life‐bearing phenomenon was underlined. All living beings who give
birth need it to reproduce. Hence there is need to look at such things and think deeply to
change our attitude.
Through this exercise participants talked of the various discriminations suffered by girls and
women while they are growing. They could relate these to their own experiences and realities.
They could see that Kamal is encouraged and provided with all opportunities at every age of his
life to move forward whereas Kamli is held back. The parents with the girl did not move even a
step towards the line. A question ‘who wants to help move Kamli?’‐drew enthusiastic
responses. Most participants felt that Kamli cannot be left to her fate. They rushed forward to
help her move. There were a few who felt that ‘a woman has to stay a few steps behind the
man, it is a question of family honour. After all she cannot fight. She has to use her brains!
Kamli, like many other girls does not want to stay behind. However, we have to think of
innovative ways to ‘move’ without injuring the male ego too much”.
Questions were put on the issue of social construct of Gender, like:
• do you think the difference in the lives of a girl and a boy is natural?
• is it god given that a girl has to suffer discrimination?
• has God made these rules that govern the lives of a girl and a boy?
There were heated discussions and there was confusion. But ultimately most of the participants
felt that:
• such injustice cannot be perpetrated by God.
• rules are made by society, as to what should a girl or a boy do.
• both have natural sexual desires, but a girl is not allowed to express – this is social.
• both can work and cook, but the boy does not do anything, this is told by society
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In the debriefing it was clarified as to what is natural and what is social in the construct of
Gender. The difference in what is given by nature and what is constructed by society was
sought to be explained. Participants could see it, yet many things were unclear, which needed
further dialogue.
Day 1: Session 3 – Relaxation, Gender and Sex
After lunch everyone was asked to lie down quietly and relax for 5 minutes wherever one was
sitting. It also meant touching someone, lying on any one’s body, all of which drew giggles and
laughter which subsided soon enough. Questions like ‘have you slept like this earlier and how
did you feel while lying down?’ drew varied responses from almost everyone. They felt
• light and empty
• embarrassed initially. as they had never slept publicly
• joyful and relaxed and wondered how lying together can be so nice
• time stood still to think about self.
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Participants were divided into three groups now, through distribution of ribbons of three
colours. Each group had to think over some given statements and decide whether each one is
related to Gender, that is a social construct, or to sex, which is natural. Gender as a social
construct and sex as a biological fact were sought to be understood. The social process of
forming a girl or a boy had come out in the previous session. Now women had to think about
the difference between this and whatever is biologically given, that is, the difference between
Gender and sex. There seemed enough clarity on what are socially constructed status, roles and
responsibilities. But that none of these is ‘natural’ was not very clear. Participants had to discuss
each statement in their smaller groups to come out with a conclusion. This gave opportunity to
everyone to come up with their own internalization and then, if need be, stand corrected within
the group itself. There were heated discussions over most of the statements because the
‘naturalisation’ of Gender roles has gone deep in the mindsets of everyone.
The statements were also made out to be, at first glance, adhering to this. They included
• Ploughing the field is a man’s job
• Only women can take care of children and home
• Only women can feed milk to a child
• Man alone is the head of the family
• Physically women are weaker
• The male voice undergoes change at a certain age
• Women have long hair
• Only women menstruate
• The mother decides the sex of her child
• Woman alone can bear a child
Most statements were contested. A lot of women felt, for instance, that by nature women are
weaker; but many of them lift huge loads and work harder, also pregnancy and labour‐pain take
a big toll. All women felt that ‘we are stronger in this respect, men can never carry a baby and
reproduce. They are too soft.’ Women cannot plough the field as it would turn barren but
women have ploughed without any adverse results. Then women alone can feed a baby, people
felt this is natural. But through dialogue it was clarified that if it was breast‐feeding then that
will come under ‘natural’ or ‘sex’, but feeding can be done by bottle or glass or cup. Again the
man as head of family is so taken for granted that most people tend to forget how many single
women – widowed or deserted are earning for and heading their families. Participants
themselves knew of several such women. Taking care of children can be done by men as well,
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this was pointed out and understood well. Women gave instances of men who do take care of
children. For statements like change of male voice or women’s menstruation and child‐bearing
capacity, everyone was clear that they are natural. The confusion over others got clarified
through dialogue.
The issue of deciding the sex of the child was discussed in greater detail. The ‘blame’ of giving
birth to a female child is borne by women whereas scientifically and naturally it is the male who
decides the sex of the child. The ovaries of women release eggs of only one sex the female. But
the semen of the man contains two types of seeds‐male and female. So, when the man and
woman have intercourse the seed which is released by the man connects with the egg of the
woman and that seed decides the sex of the unborn child. If it is a female seed it will be a girl, if
it is a male seed it will be a boy. Hence, the process of producing a male or a female depends on
the man’s semen. And this is natural. The women accepted that God gives a son or daughter.
But it was not easy to understand that it is the man who is responsible for the sex. The whole
process was explained well by Kulsoom through the use of coloured pens. If green ones are
female eggs and mauve ones male seeds and the woman has two of the same mauve colour it is
only the other two – mauve or green – whichever comes from the man – that decides the sex of
the child. The coming together of the egg and seed lead to creation of life.
In the winding up it was emphasized that nature has not made the male superior to the female.
The fact of man’s responsibility, in deciding the sex of the child is turned upside down and the
woman is blamed for producing girls. If one looks around one can see that the natural
difference between man and woman has been turned into a hierarchy. This places so many
‘blames’ and ‘responsibilities’ on women and women also have interanalised these notions.
The social‐political system acts the same way. If one looks at govt. policies, for instance, the
responsibility of birth‐control is thrown on women. Men think erroneously, that if they get
vasectomy done, their ‘manliness’ will suffer. So, the woman has to undergo different types of
birth‐control mechanisms like pills, injections and tubectomy. Thus discrimination and violence
against women have been accepted as almost ‘natural’, giving them a lower position
everywhere – family, society, professions.
The session and the day ended with the song ‘kaun kehta hai jannat ise’.
At night participants watched the movie ‘Mrityudand’.
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Day 2: Session 1 – The fish in the pond
The day started with local songs of the women and a recap of the previous day by Sudha and
Gulnaz. A round of ‘chineese whispers’ was conducted in the circle of participants, where in the
sentence spoken by the first person changes completely by the time it reaches the ear of the
last person and back to the first one. People had fun, but soon realized that most‐people do not
listen properly and often interpret what they hear, on their own terms. This is the way rumours
are floated. So, the two things are interrelated. Full attention is important for any learning and
one should not believe any hearsay without verification. That is how so many myths or false
statements are created for women and her subordination that she is talkative, quarrelsome
doesn’t have brains, she is weak and cannot take decisions etc. Such myths construct the
stereotyped images of men having to control women, of not believing in them, of their own
superiority over them and their right to use any mean to keep them in line. This is the genesis of
violence.
In the next exercise two ponds were drawn on a big chart paper. In one there was a fish
surrounded by dirty water. The other pond had only clean water. If the fish represents a
woman, why is the water dirty? Participants filled in the details – ‘the dirt is the discrimination
and violence she has to face all the time and she would like to carve out a canal to connect with
the clean pond’. Everyone contributed words to illustrate what is ‘dirt’ and what does ‘clean’
mean:
The murky pond The clean pond
Nutritious food Education Dignity Rights Justice Freedom Equality
Burning
Harassment due to dowry
No food
Torment
Denial of education
Myths perpetuating inequality and violence: • woman is a man’s footwear • cattle, woman and land belong to the strong man. • women’s brains are in their heels
Rape
Forced sex
Construct our canal
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The participants were able to see the difference between reality and dream. Women could also
say that ‘violence is not only physical. It hits the heart and the mind. It keeps us in fear all the
time. Mentally women become tense.’
‘The fish would like to swim over to the ‘clean’ pond and live life on its own terms. But will
society allow this? It is a huge struggle. We are led to believe we are inferior and we have to
bear violence, we can say many things here but when it will come to action, will we be able to do
something?”
Where to fight, where not to fight. As always women have to make choices at every step. Push
and negotiate, retreat and assert ‐ the game has to continue. Hard and fast rules are difficult to
make. This was the conclusion by the group.
Day 2: Session 2: Power and its manifestations around us
Gender discrimination, the dominance of men, their repercussions on the lives of women and
what should be done was in a certain way understood by most participants. They could relate to
them easily. What was more difficult was unraveling their own internalizations and more
importantly understanding power, its operations in institutions around and its close linkages
with Patriarchy. To facilitate this process the participants were divided into five groups with one
Pradan‐member and one CRP as facilitators. Each group had to prepare a play on a given theme.
Before preparing the play, they had to discuss in their respective groups keeping in mind
questions like, in the play
• Who is the most powerful?
• Who takes decisions?
• Who are the weaker persons?
• How does the same ‘powerful’ person’s behaviour change when interacting with
someone higher than him/her?
• How does man derive his power from women?
• When does a woman become powerful?
• What are the effects of power?
• What type of power is manifest here?
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Five themes representing institutions with which women are closely involved or interact with
were given. They had to see how power operates in each domain and portray it in their plays.
The themes were:
1. Block office
2. Police thana
3. Gram sabha
4. Sasural (husband’s house)
5. Mayaka (parent’s home)
The 5 skits were brilliant. Each presentation was analysed by the entire group. The depiction of
who holds power and why and who are the powerless was brought out with simple reality, also
the fact that power‐equations change with different people and in different situations.
Police station and the block office
The most powerful is the ‘Badababu’, who dominates over everyone. The husband (against
whom the wife has come to complain) has power because he bribes the ‘Badababu’. The
‘havaldar’ and chowkidar show power over the people, especially over the poor and women but
they are afraid of the ‘Badababu’ because it is a question of this job.
In the block office the B.D.O. was shown to be most powerful. Everybody had to follow his
orders as he had so many things under his control. But the D.C. is above him. He occupies a
higher position. He can overrule the B.D.O.’s decision. When the contractor walks in with
bundles of ‘notes’, everyone from the B.D.O. to the peon dance to his tune. He gives money to
all to get his work done.
There were sycophants and ‘middlemen’ hanging around. They derive their power from the fact
that they have information of schemes and mechanisms. With very little education they can
play these games. The ‘middlemen’ who get things done take money from both – the public and
the officers.
Very interestingly, the moment a leader enters the scene, every one, from D.C. downwards
become subservient. So the men who flex their muscles earlier (peon, B.D.O. middlemen etc.)
became meek people. One can easily see how money, information, education and status give
power and control to men. In this scheme of things women and the poor have no power. They
are not heard.
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Gramsabha Here again power is with men. Even when there is 35% reservation for women, real power is
wielded by men. If the sarpanch or chief is a woman, it is her husband who takes decisions. Men
think that women must stay indoors. They do not have information or wisdom. Women’s voices
are not heard. Being a Sarpanch husband, the man derives power from his wife, who is
subjugated. The man controls everything. He sits on the ‘chair’ and poor, dalit woman sits on
the ground. Whether it is she or the woman Sarpanch, they are silent. Women do not have any
voice.
Mayaka and Sasural (The natal and the husband’s home)
In the other two role‐plays again, power was shown as resting with men. Parents discriminate
against the daughter. She is denied good food and education. The son goes to school but she
tends the goat. The mother cannot give her opinion. She is not heard. But the son’s opinion is
accepted, and the son, even if he is not ‘good’ is given love and trust whereas the daughter is
not.
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Even the mother suppresses the daughter, because her position and power depend upon the
father. A touching song was rendered by some women, while enacting the role:
‘Please, my dear brother
Buy me pen and notebooks
I also will go to school’
‘Lao dio ho bhaiya kalam kapia
Hamhoon jaeebo school ho bhaiya’
But the daughter is punished severely because, according to the brother she was ‘talking to a
boy’. Decisions are taken by men of the family.
In the ‘sasural’ – the husband’s home also men hold power, and women who have sons have
the upper hand. The elder son’s wife is more respected even by the mother‐in‐law because she
has two sons and also the elder son brings in money. The younger son works in the field, so he
does not get respect, more so because he has two daughters. It is clear that the one who earns
money in the city holds more power. Thus even amongst men the hierarchy is clear – money
and the sex of their children matter. The mother of the daughter considers herself unlucky and
poor.
Through all five presentations the women made it clear that:
• Men take all decisions and hence hold power.
• Their positions also vary according to their caste, economic situation and administrative,
political status.
• Women derive their power from men ‐ their husbands and sons and in turn control other
women.
• Everyone is conditioned since childhood to confirm to gendered norms. So women take it
as their destiny.
• Control is an important element in power. Everyone wants to control the other.
In the tying up or conclusion, different dimensions of power were explored. It was clear that
power as demonstrated in all skits oppresses and controls, also that it varies from person to
person and from phase to phase. For instance the mother‐in‐law could not have wielded power
as a young wife, but when she got sons, she could. Anyway, the desire to dominate and control,
inherent in human nature, informs this dimension or type of power.
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But is there another kind of power which is ‘good’ and beneficial? Don’t we talk of
empowerment for women who wish to fight oppressions? What about the power of coming
together, the power which comes from within? The different types of power were enunciated
to clarify what was being perceived.
• Power over‐is the power to control.
• Power to‐is the power to do something, it is there in the first type also but it is also with
us where ‘women are able to challenge, to struggle and take steps on their own.
• Power with‐is the power of unity and solidarity. ‘When one or two didis go to an office
no one listens, but when many go together, people have to pay attention.
• Power within is one’s own self‐confidence, the inner strength which we all talk about
and which enables us to move. The last two types of power change power‐relations.
Didis who felt powerless earlier gain power when they realize their own strength and
the strength of togetherness.
The day ended with this discourse on power.
The film Mirch Masala was shown in the night.
Day 3: Session 1- Patriarchy
After a recap (by sudha, Chanchal and Sita) of the previous day and songs, an analysis of the
film – ‘Mirch Masal’ – which was shown the night before, was undertaken, facilitated mainly by
Safina. It was clear that women, from both – upper caste or class and from lower caste or class,
were shown as subjugated by men. Even the Mukhiyas wife who defies the husband in sending
her daughter to school is thrashed by her husband because he feels ashamed ‐ a daughter or
wife has to stay within the four walls of the home for the sake of family honour. The woman
from the lower caste is coveted by the king, who goes to extremes to have her. The man
(chowkidar) who is on the side of justice and who fights to save the woman, is shot dead.
Participants were thus, able to analyse and relate the story to patriarchy and to the life around
them. However, for them the most thrilling part was the coming together of all the women
working at the factory and using an ingeneous ‘weapon’ – chilli powder to defeat the heavily
armed king and his men. Some of the women initially blamed the woman who had attracted the
king. But when it came to her and perhaps their own honour all of them rallied behind. It
showed the strength of togetherness.
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There was some discussion on different ways in which women try to thwart men’s molestation
bids in simple ways – using hair pins, chilli powder/spray and a very hilarious one of using hair
remover on the hair of the men!
Questions arose as to why do women (mother, mother‐in‐law, sister‐in‐law) also suppress other
women, why don’t they help each other ‘easily’ in case of any eventuality? It was pointed out
that patriarchy – that is dominance and power of man – is as much integral to the mind‐sets of
women as to men. And that is why women derive their power, status and security from men
and are punished if they do not obey the rules. This was explained through a pyramid.
If a single brick wishes to move out and break the rules, he/she will be pulled in by other men
and women otherwise it will lead to crumbling of the edifice and consequently to the ‘fall’ of
everyone. No human being wants to live in insecurity. Women and men believe that the
fortified structure of Patriarchy which has been in existence for thousands of years is ‘good’ for
everyone!
This was explained through another image, that of an ‘umbrella’. Patriarchy is an overarching
philosophy with its practices, as we have seen, a structure supported by many of us and by
institutions of society. It gives us the illusion of ‘safety’.
The structure of patriarchy
Men and women represented by the bricks If, even one brick tries
to move out … … …
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Institutions upholding patriarchy
Outside the ‘protection’ of the umbrella there is insecurity, struggle and uncertainly, that is
had– storms and furious rains. So all of us try to remain under the umbrella.
But who holds the umbrella? The general answer to this question was “We, ourselves: There
was discussion on whether we are fighting against men. The women felt “no, we fight against
the thinking that is within men and women and not men per se”. However, exploring deeper,
women moved to different domains of life. They see what happens with the state, with
education, in the family, how religion controls their lives and what discriminations operate
within the economic system. To clarify further and see for themselves as to how Patriarchy
permeats and operates in all spheres of life, participants were divided into five groups – family,
Media
Relegion
Health system
Marriage and family
Politics, administration and governance
Education t
Economic system
Structure, philosophy, rules and practices,
Women as property of men and inferior to men
Patriarchy
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religion, education system, health system and media. Group work was facilitated by two
persons – one from Pradan plus on CRP. They had to see how each of these institutions control
women and work against their rights. And how Patriarchy is upheld by all these institutions.
Initially, in the small groups, discussing the roles of institutions like family and religion was not
very easy. They could see that they subjugate and control women, but how they link up with
Patriarchy was still not clear. However, as they moved in their dialogues, some linkages started
sinking in. Discussions in each were summed up on charts and presented in the plenary.
Religion:
All religions and their custom and rituals profess and propagate the subordination of women.
All fasts and festivals are done for husbands, brothers and sons, for their well‐being and long
life, especially in Hindu practice. In all religions husbands are considered the master the lord,
God etc. and most husbands beat their wives, even if they is priests. Identity markers like
sindoor (vermillion) in the parting of hair, bangles etc. are meant only for married Hindu
women. Men do not have any marker. All relegions have only male priests in the temples,
gurudwaras, mosques and churches. No women become priests.
Religion accords a very low position to the widow. She is forced to live a very frugal life. She is
considered inauspicious. In some places her hair is shorn off, as she should not look attractive.
There are no strictures for men who become widowers. In fact they marry soon after the death
of their wives. Thus through various ‘belief systems’ and practices religion ensures that women
remain under men.
Health-system
If we look at the system of health‐care, there is a huge difference in how society, family, the
political – administrative set up and we ourselves look at men and women. Nutrition,
medication and care in the case of boys and men are much superior to that of girls and women.
Girl child is killed in the womb, if the ultrasound says it is a female fetus. Family, society and the
medical fraternity are O.K. with it. The mother of a baby‐boy receives good food and respect
whereas the mother of the baby‐girls is deprived even of basic food and she is humiliated. In
hospital if a new‐born baby‐girl dies doctors and nurses say ‘why worry, after all it was a girl’.
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There is so much of work load on woman that it weakens her. Lack of food, coupled with work,
violence and child‐bearing takes a heavy toll on her health. And her illness is the least of
priorities. If a man falls ill immediate ‘treatment is given, even if the family has to take a loan.
But a woman receives no attention or care. Even hospitals do not do it.’
If one looks at health‐care provided by govt. there are no hospitals near the villages and if going
to town for hospitalization involves expenses, woman would not be taken to town.
Looking at facilities provided especially for woman, it is clear that the govt. looks at her only as
a mother and not as a human being. Schemes like Janani Suraksha Yojana and nutrition for
expectant and lactating mothers provided at aangan‐wadis point towards this mind‐set. Even
these (important as they are) are very poor in service‐delivery. Other diseases of a general kind
or women specific are not even thought of. Then all family‐planning policies and programmes
are focused on woman. They are cajoled or pushed for copperties, tablets, injections or even
tubectomy operation. Men are not pressurized to take more responsibility for contraception
and birth control.
Education-system
Denial of education to girl‐children is common in families and society. Whatever is taught
perpetuates Patriarchal norms. Text‐books have stories and pictures that show women and girls
working in home and kitchen and men and boys watching television or playing cricket.
Schools often do not have facilities like toilets for girls. Teachers also treat them in derogatory
manner. Like the fathers and uncles they are also not interested in getting girls educated. ‘Girls
are not allowed to play cricket or football in school. We know that given the opportunity, girls
and women are becoming engineers and taxi‐drivers. Yet the system does not encourage them
to take up such professions. The education system also extols the sacrifices of women and not
their rights.’ The school teaches children how to think, feel and behave like a boy or a girl. Any
change in norms leads to punishment.
Media
Women talked about films, T.V. serials, news‐papers and advertisement. In all these
communication‐systems, one is extolling sex and violence and the other is using the body of
woman to sell anything from men’s perfumes to truck‐tyres. News of rape and molestation is
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highly sensationalized giving them a sort of legitimacy. Most serials portray women as
worshippers of the husbands even if they are abusive. The fasts, like Teej and Karva Chauth
undertaken by wives for longevity of their husband’s lives are glamourised. A lot of times films
and serials show vamps or bad women, perpetuating the stereotypes of women as ‘witches’.
Marriage and family
Marriage binds women in the folds of patriarchy. Women have to adhere to family rules and
norms. ‘Exploitation of body, mind, labour and sex becomes total. All decisions rest with men
regarding money, property, bank account, loans and savings, earnings, produce of agriculture
everything. Women have no say in any family‐matter.
Through all the presentations, even if a few of them were sketchy or confusing, it was clear that
men rule the world. Power and control rest with men. Participants were reminded about the
umbrella that stood for patriarchy which was there on the front wall on a chart. All the 5‐6
institutions we tried to understand, work in tandem with the philosophy and practices of
patriarchy. All men and women are brought up under this ‘umbrella’. And we are used to
‘feeling safe’ under it through all the institutions and systems which are part of our daily lives.
The connect between patriarchal power and control leading to violence could be seen. Living
within the rules and norms that operate in all institutions women are ‘safe’. But the slightest of
break (or even without it!) invites wrath and punishment. Women become the ‘punching bag’
of men, who have to show and assert their masculine power. The dilemma faced by women is
how to ‘save themselves’ from violence and injustice and fight for their rights even while living
under the ‘umbrella’ ‘what are the strategies and tools which can help’ – was the theme of the
next session.
Day 3: Session 2 – Walking the river
This session focussed on the issue of supporting women who are unable to get out of their
homes. Also the idea was to identify women who can provide support to others. It was started
with a role‐play. Eight didis were called in to volunteer. One pair of women got blindfolded,
another pair had their hands tied up, yet another had their feet tied up and the last pair had
both their stomachs tied together. An imaginary ‘river’ of folded chart papers was ‘laid’ out in
the centre of the hall. Each of these pairs had to cross the ‘river’, without ‘tearing’ it.
Participants, as ‘bystanders on the banks’, were supposed to help the pairs cross the river. First
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they tried to help those for whom the crossing was easier, to make them reach faster, like the
ones whose hands or legs were tied. Soon they realized that the other two pairs were finding it
very difficult to attempt the crossing. So they rushed to help them cross the river.
When questioned as to what did they feel the ones who played the roles said “we realized how
difficult it is for any handicapped person to do anything. Being blindfolded we felt how a blind
person must be feeling. And women are, in fact handicapped with so many things.’
Further dialogue deepened the understanding of why and how important it is to help other
women in the village who are left behind and who are unable to join the mandal due to various
reasons. They could be ‘handicapped’ with the fear of facing violence or social strictures, or the
huge load of work which falls on their shoulders, or due to bad health, or due to lack of
awareness regarding women’s situations. It could also be a combination of several of these.
As one participant said ‘her eyes are yet blind to her own situation. She does not pay attention
to her health. It is our job to open her eyes, to give her information, to tell her that ‘you can take
care of your children only if you are yourself strong and healthy. ‘Didis’ whose legs and stomachs
are tied up are imprisoned. We have to help open their shackles. Women and girls have to go
out of their homes. Girls should go to school and if boys tease them, they must be punished.
Women and girls need open air to play and be happy’.
In a nutshell participants were able to recognize the value of cooperation, respect for different
types of abilities, constraints women face when stirring out of the four walls of their homes and
most importantly, that they have to bring in those who are left behind, that they have a
responsibility, if they are working towards justice to all women. They could appreciate the
power of togetherness ‐ the ‘power with’, which comes when many of ‘us join hands’. They
were made to realize the importance of unity.
Day 3: Session 3 – Woman and the boatman
This session posed a huge moral dilemma in front of participants through a story. In the
previous session they could see the constraints/handicaps faced by women. But what about a
specific case where morality is involved? Will we be on the side of a ‘fallen’ woman so to speak?
The story line was like this.
A very poor family lived on the outskirts of the village. It consisted of two small children, their
mother, father and grandmother. Both husband wife kept toiling all the time to make both ends
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meet, to be able to somehow feed, clothe and get some medication when needed. The mother
of the children often went without food. She worked on road construction sites all day. One day
her husband fell sick. As it was they hardly possessed anything. Whatever little was there, was
sold for medicines and doctors. But he could not be saved. He died. Now the woman was the
only bread‐winner to feed four mouths. She had to work harder at whatever she could find
through the contractor.
Once she had to go to a worksite far away, across the river, which did not have much water at
that time. But the time work got finished in the evening, the water had risen, she could not wade
through as she had done earlier. She was terrified. The thought of her two hungry children and
old mother‐in‐law waiting for food which she would bring, knawed at her heart. Suddenly a
boatman approached her, offering to row her across, on condition that he could make love to
her. Another man emerged out of the shrubs who was ready to pounce upon her and rape her.
The woman was facing a big dilemma – should she allow herself to have sex with one of the men
or commit suicide…?
The questions to participants was ‘what should the woman do – jump into the river to save her
‘izzat’/honour and let her children go hungry or surrender to the wishes of a man and save her
family? There were heated discussions. It was a question of personal honour versus children.
And this dilemma is being faced by many women all the time. Ultimately most participants felt
that children are the priority. ‘If she dies who will take care of them, so the woman should go
with the boatman and not the other man who wants to rape her. She can fulfill her duty only if
she is alive. May be then she can also register a case against the man and fight a legal battle’.
However some participants, more of the older‐women felt ‘there is no life if one’s ‘izzat’ is gone,
and hence she must commit suicide’. The discussion helped in identifying some younger women
leaders who might be ready to take on stiff battles on behalf of wronged women, who are
perhaps putting women’s rights on top of the agenda.
Day 4: Session 1 – The Tiger and the Goat
The last day was started with a song ‘Tumhara saath milne se…’, which emphasized the theme
of beauty of togetherness, unity and strength. The earlier sessions were captured in the recap,
focusing on how patriarchy operates in all fields of life and our minds and how it is the man who
rules the world. To reemphasize and further deepen the importance of unity and solidarity, a
game was played.
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One participant became a ‘goat’ and another a ‘tiger’. All others ‘made’ a circular barricade
around the goat. The ‘tiger’ had to catch and ‘eat’ the goat. It was the joint responsibility of all
who constituted the barricade to protect and save the ‘goat’. A moment’s carelessness by even
one person allowed the ‘tiger’ to enter the enclosure and ‘devour’ the ‘goat’. It symbolized the
strength and weakness of a group or federation of women.
“To keep an organized group going, one needs patience, courage, unity, compassion and quick
ideas, otherwise the group would break. The mind has to be strong to fight male hegemony.
Powerful people keep women locked up inside homes. Many ‘didis’ together can give her
protection and strength. If we are strong no one can break our federation.”
Day 4: Session 2 – The Wish Tree
This was the last session. It was devoted to assessing what have been the learnings and on what
and how do the women want to move forward. Participants were divided into five groups.
Every group was to draw a ‘big tree’. Whatever they had learnt and what will be needed to
struggle towards their goal had to be written on the roots of the tree, names of those whose
help will be taken will be written on the trunk and whatever changes are envisaged will be
written on the leaves and fruits of the tree. Each group gave a beautiful presentation. It clarified
a lot of things for themselves and also gave a feedback on the learnings from the training, thus
acting like a finale to the workshop.
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• Wear clothes of choice,
• During menstruation go to fields
• Stop child marriage • No discrimination between
daughters and daughters‐in‐law
• Raise voice against violence • Share with others what we
learn here • Participation in Gram sabha
• No discrimination based on caste
• Economic condition to improve
• Dowry and abuse dis‐allowed,
• Pregnancy according to wife’s wishes
• Stop female feticide • Widows to remarry • Respect for single women• Women’s right to property• Allow girls to play and study • Marry according to wishes
Power
Information
Court, police govt. departments Pradan Jagori other groups Bank Block office
Community
Panchayat
Resource personHealth worker
Cooperation
Deciding for yourself
Understanding patriarchy and violence
Trust, integrity
Patience, will power
Capacity building
Togetherness, compassion
Thinking and understanding
Mobility, discipline
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III. Observations and Conclusions
Thus a wide range of issues were sought to be covered in 4 days. A few comments are
worthwhile to help us move forward by showing where do the women and the Pradan team
stand today. One is the feedback which came from the participants‐written as well as spoken.
Secondly the things that we could observe and thirdly the challenges which have to be
addressed in days and months to come.
1. Feedback from participants:
A form had been given by the Pradan‐team, which had a few simple questions like
• How are you feeling after the workshop?
• Did you get some new information and which do you like best?
• How will you use this knowledge?
‐ for yourself
‐ for the family
‐ in the group and the village
Some of the ‘didis’ and the CRPs wrote a few lines. Others shared orally:
‐ After the training I felt we women had been living in darkness. We have to move
out now.
‐ I felt very happy after the training
‐ I felt exhilarated
‐ We received knowledge about Gender and Patriarchy and about ourselves
‐ We leant about new ways to face molestation like use of chilli powder, pricking
the molestator with hair pins
‐ We have to deal with patriarchy, stop child marriage and dowry, provide
education to daughters, stop rapists and give respect to a widow, get her
remarried.
‐ For ourselves we will take care of our health, eat properly and on time and with
other members of the family
‐ I will not think adversely about someone
‐ I would cook even during my periods.
‐ I would try to get my son and husband to contribute to household chores.
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‐ We would share what we learnt within our groups and with other women in the
village
‐ I would share with my family what I learnt about discrimination
‐ We have learnt new tools which we will use in our trainings like the exercises of
crossing the river, Chinese whispers, role‐plays etc. We will change our method
of training using more of games, stories, songs and theatre.
In between sessions there were sharings on how is the training going. Some didis felt ‘it is
difficult to understand patriarchy, perhaps because we are ourselves so much part of the system
and consider ourselves cocooned safely under its regulations.’ The more important thing was
(what a few women could express), that in the ‘euphoria of togetherness in a workshop, we
tend to get carried away and promise ourselves big changes. But when we go back home reality
hits us hard. There is fear of backlash, fear of breaking up our families, fear of losing reputation.
Many things are easier said than done.’
2. Observations by Pradan team
The members of Pradan and the CRPs felt confident and comfortable, that ‘the environment
was open and friendly and that we knew that judgements would not be passed upon us while
we were facilitating.’
‘there was no pressure on us and we were able to do our best.’
‘we learnt new tools and methods of facilitating’.
Overall, one feels they have gradually picked up and greatly enhanced their capacities of
conducting trainings. The CRPs were also good. Giving them a lot of rope and pitching in
whenever needed was a good tactic. They also felt relaxed. No one felt that there was any kind
of pressure.
There is a lot more to be done vis‐à‐vis training of trainers as also for the next phase of
leadership training. However, we need to build upon what we have been able to do or not do.
Jaya Shrivastava
14.11.2012
