January 2017 - Volume 26, Issue 1 Established 1987 lives healing …nationalshare.org/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/Sharing... · 2017-01-17 · Dear Friends, Welcome to 2017! This is

MAGAZINE

These Precious Babies Changed My Life

A Personal Memoir From Sister Jane

Meet the Comfort Cub

Exciting new partnership

Measuringthe ImpactBereavement

communityin action.

Share History

1976-2016 timeline of highlights

Established 1987January 2017 - Volume 26, Issue 1

40 Years oftouching liveshealing heartsgiving hope

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4 Dear Friends A letter from Debbie Cochran, Executive Director.

5 We Never Forget Gayle recounts life before she found a community in Share.

6 Share History Highlights of Share's timeline from 1976 to 2016.

8 These Precious Babies A personal memoir from Share Foundress, Sister Jane Marie Lamb, OSF

10 Share in the News Newspaper articles from 1982 detailing Share's mission and activity in the community.

12 Reflections of Share Laura shares her first encounter with Share and how that companionship changed her experience.

13 Measuring the Impact Reflections from parents on the impact Share has made on their lives.

14 The Comfort Cub Share partners with The Comfort Cub organization to bring support to hurting families.

16 Thank You for Your Gifts Gifts 'In Memory of' and 'In Tribute to'

18 Memories of Share Various families express the impact Share has made on their lives.

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Sharing Magazine - January/Febuary 2017 | 3

MAGAZINE

Dear Friends,Welcome to 2017! This is a year we at Share have been

anticipating for some time, and we are now here. Share Preg-nancy and Infant Loss Support was founded in 1977 by Sister Jane Marie Lamb at St John’s Hospital in Springfield Illinois. At that time, there was very little offered to those who had experienced the tragic loss of a baby. Unfortunately, the expressions of even trained professionals to grieving fami-lies was very sadly conveyed in words like “move on,” “get over it,” “you can have another baby.” As we now teach in our Share training to professionals, those caregivers were not intentionally mean-spirited. They were operating in the understanding of the “best practice” and standard of care of their time.

The work of Sister Jane changed all of that forever as she set in motion the beginnings of compassionate perinatal be-reavement care. Her approach started simply in that she listened to the voices of bereaved parents. She asked them questions with the intent of discovering what caregivers can do to help make this most horrific of life events even a bit better and what could be done to bring them comfort in the moment and hope for the future.

Much has been learned since Sister Jane first stepped into her role of support to those who are grieving. Many Share Chapters have been established all over the country and even places throughout the world. Hundreds of caregivers have received specialized training enabling them to offer support in the unique grief of perinatal loss. We have learned that support groups can offer an environment for healing for some families and that others may prefer to be supported by writ-ten or online materials or one-on-one peer companions. The great news is, whereas in 1977 when there was very little of any of this type of support available, there is now an abun-dance of growth in all of these modalities of grief care. How-

ever, sadly, we know that there are still those who endure their loss without adequate help and support.

That knowledge continues to motivate us and guide our work in perinatal bereavement care at Share. As much as things have changed, we strive to stay true to our roots and the example Sister Jane set for us by continuing to listen to the voices of the parents we serve. We hope to continue the evolution of the standard of care for grief support as well as to continue the mission of awareness of the prevalence of loss. By sharing the always startling CDC statistic that “one in four pregnancies ends in loss,” we begin to chip away at the silence and isolation that often accompanies this tragic event. What we desire most however is to offer the assurance that there is hope and healing after loss occurs. That is why we exist. That is Share’s mission.

As you read through this issue, it is our hope you can travel through time, as we have in assembling these contributions that help us all reflect on where we have come from and what the future might hold. We value the hard work and dedica-tion of those who have given so much of themselves in caring for others; Sister Jane, Cathi Lammert and so many more who have served this mission over the years. But most of all, we honor in remembrance those many little ones whose lives were much to short and their parents who will always carry that ache in their hearts.

So, welcome 2017 as we prepare to celebrate 40 years of Share by continuing to be that refuge of care and the lifeline of hope and healing to so many families enduring the un-imaginable pain of the loss of a baby. We are so grateful for the legacy of Sister Jane and are honored to carry it forward by listening to the voice of each parent we are privileged to walk alongside on their path to healing. We invite you to join us in the journey.

Blessings,

Samantha Brown

PR & Marketing

Coordinator

Patti Budnik

Bereavement Care

Manager

Rose Carlson

Program Director

Miranda Coker

Support Group Facilitator

Anne Horton

Share Chapter Coordinator

Sherril Jones

Administrative Assistant

Vicki Kiefer

Accounting Manager

Sarah Lawrenz

Development Director

Shannon Sebastian

Development & Event

Assistant

Jennifer Stachula

Training & Resource

Assistant

Debbie Cochran, RNExecutive Director

4 | Sharing Magazine - January/Febuary 2017

I want to start off by saying that I am not the typical mom that Share helps. I am sure most people who find Share do so shortly after their loss, in those early, very dark days when they can’t sleep at night and are searching on the internet for anything that will help them get through the tragedy of losing their baby.

My story is much different. I lost my beautiful baby girl Rebecca Noell just before Christmas in 1989. She was our first baby, and we were so excited to be having a Christmas baby. (Rebecca was due the day after Christmas). When I went to the doc-tor for what I thought would be my last appointment before Rebecca’s birth, we instead were told our baby was no longer alive. “What? How can that be?” I remember screaming at the doctor. “Babies don’t just DIE like that!” I thought he was wrong, but he wasn’t. Our daughter was dead, only a week before she was sup-posed to be born, and I wanted to die right along with her.

She was born after less than 12 hours of labor on December 22, 1989. She was the most amazing and per-fect little person I had ever seen. It seemed so cruel to have a baby per-fect in every way except the most

important one—a beating heart. The nurse wrapped her in a blanket and told me we could spend a few min-utes with her, but then they would have to take Rebecca away. I had a tiny little Christmas dress waiting for her just in case she was born before Christmas, and I asked the nurse if we could put it on her if my husband went home to get it, and she told me no, we couldn’t do that.

After gazing at Rebecca’s beautiful face for less than 15 minutes, she was taken away. A piece of me went with her, a piece that has never returned. I had three more children after Re-becca, but they have never taken her place. Everyone thought they should, but they don’t. I used to always won-der if something was wrong with me. I used to wonder why I always ached for Rebecca when my house was full of these other wonderful children. I was constantly told, “Be grateful for what you have!” and worse, “Forget about Rebecca and concentrate on the other children God gave you!”

I couldn’t forget about my Rebecca Noell. I didn’t know why I couldn’t do that, but I couldn’t.

I always thought it would get easier with time. You know, people say that time heals all wounds. It did, but it didn’t. In 2004, Rebecca would have been almost 15. One day when I was out shopping, I wondered what it would be like to have her shopping with me, helping me pick out gifts for her brothers and sister. She would have been old enough to do that. I couldn’t stop thinking about it. I was so sad that Christmas season leading up to her birthday, and one night, I got on the internet and looked up

stillbirth. The first thing that came up was Share. I went to the website, and it was my lucky night! I will nev-er forget it. It was a Monday night, which just so happened to be the night that Share had their chat room opened. I logged in not having any idea what I was going in to, but that night changed my life.

In that internet chat room, I felt nor-mal for the first time in 15 years. I didn’t say much that night, but I will never forget the kindness of whoever the Share moderator was that night. When I asked if I should be there since my daughter died so long ago, her words soothed my heart in ways none ever had. She told me that of course I should, that we never for-get our babies, no matter how many years go by.

NO ONE had ever said that to me before. I wish I knew her name be-cause I would like to tell her that her kindness is what got me through that Christmas season. Her kindness is what made me feel like a normal person for the first time in 15 years. I could not believe that I had found a community of women who felt ex-actly the same way I did. I visited the Share chat room and message boards regularly after that, and while I didn’t post or write very often, Share helped me in ways I didn’t even know I needed to be helped.

So, to answer the question you post-ed, how has Share made a difference for you and your family? Share made me feel normal. That is the greatest gift. Thank you Share, for all that you do for parents like me.

When the new normal never feels like normal.

We NeverForget

By: Gayle S.


1976• Established an AMEND (Aiding Mothers and Fathers

Experiencing Neonatal Death) chapter in Decatur, IL after meeting with St. Louis AMEND organization

1977• Began Share group at St. John’s Hospital in

Springfield, Illinois• Began providing education on perinatal loss and

bereavement in hospitals, colleges, seminaries and the groups

1979• Began process of providing parents burial options for

miscarried babies

1980 • Developed a hospital packet of information for

bereaved families

1981• Began working with national media• Local Share couple featured on Phil Donahue Show• Revised the checklist for caregivers to use when a

baby dies• Wrote a policy on burial for miscarried babies

1982• Received Citation Award from Catholic Health

Association (CHA) at Boston CHA Assembly• Held first parent training session for peer support and

hospital visitation• Published Thumpy’s Story, a children’s bereavement

book edited by Nancy Dodge• Published Thumpy’s Story in Spanish• Signing of Illinois proclamation declaring October as

Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month• Developed Certificate of Life for miscarried babies

1988• Published the book Bittersweet…Hellogoodbye, a

resource manual for planning farewell rituals when a baby dies

1991• Changed organization name from S.H.A.R.E (Source

of Help for Airing & Resolving Experience) to Share Pregnancy & Infant Loss Support, Inc.

• Worked with national leaders in creating Rights of Parents When a Baby Dies and Rights of the Baby

• Relocated the National Share Office to the campus of St. Joseph Health Center in St. Charles, Missouri

• Became an independent, not-for-profit organization and Cathi Lammert, RN, assumed Executive Director position

1994• Offered training sessions for Share caregivers

1996• Consulted with Paraclete Video to produce the videos

“Footprints on Our Hearts” for bereaved parents, and “At a Loss for Words,” for family and friends

1998• Dedicated the Angel of Hope Monument on October

18th• Worked with national leaders to develop an

advisory team for the bi-annual National Perinatal Bereavement Conference

1999• Established website with message board and chat

room• Developed a catalog of perinatal bereavement books

and videos

2000• Published “Rights of Parents Who Experienced an

Early Loss,” compiled by Perry-Lynn Moffitt, author of A SILENT SORROW

2001• Called to testify before Illinois House of

Representatives Human Services Committee on HB 382, a bill to amend the disposition of remains law to give parents the option of burying their miscarried babies of less than 20 weeks gestation

2002• Hosted the First Annual Share National Walk to

Remember in St. Louis, Missouri

History


2003:• Celebrated Share’s 25th Anniversary with the First

Annual Angel Ball • Developed local Share Companions Program

2004• Expanded the Share Walk to Remember to 15 cities

2005• Changed logo wording to use Share, not SHARE and

added a tagline, “touching lives… healing hearts… giving hope”

• Received large grant from the Gidwitz Foundation to educate chaplains nationwide on the needs of bereaved parents

2006• Changed the name of Share Walk to Share Walk for

Remembrance and Hope

2007• Produced two videos with DIA Learning and St.

Louis Children’s Hospital; “Grieving in the NICU; Mending Broken Hearts When a Baby Dies” and “Support Families When a Baby Dies”

• Celebrated 30th Share Anniversary at Voices of Hope Retreat at the St. Louis Airport Crowne Plaza

2008• Updated and published the 6th Edition of Establishing

and Maintaining an Effective Share Program• Spanish translations of Share’s informational

pamphlets are completed by volunteers• Published Somewhere Out There, a journal for

children experiencing grief after the death of a baby, using funds awarded from the St. Louis Baseball Cardinals Care Organization

• Published two new booklets for bereaved families:

“Grieving, Healing and Finding Hope After the Death of Your Baby” and “Grieving, Healing and Finding Hope After an Early Pregnancy Loss”

• Donated books to grieving children in St. Louis metro area hospitals using funds awarded from the St. Louis Baseball Cardinals Care Organization

• The bi-monthly Sharing newsletter transitioned into an online e-magazine format

2010• Published We Hold You in Our Hearts, a memory

book for bereaved parents• Updated and published the 3rd Edition of

Bittersweet…Hellogoodbye• Published Heart Art, a children’s art remembrance

book

2013• Debbie Cochran, BSN, MA, is hired by Share board

of directors• Cathi Lammert, RN, retires and moves into Education

Coordinator role• Added new features to the national Share Walk for

Remembrance and Hope: Creation Station activity center for bereaved children and Garden of Hope memorial signs

• Hired coordinator to expand the Share Companion Program into St. Louis metropolitan area hospitals

• Produced video of Share parents, grandparents and board members promoting the Share organization

• Joined the Missouri Hospital Association (MHA)• Attended the MHA conference in Lake of the Ozarks

as an exhibitor and presenter

2014• Share receives grant from the Missouri Foundation

for Health and began a three-year program called Awareness and Access to Perinatal Bereavement Care (AAPBC), enabling Share to train professionals who care for bereaved families around the state of Missouri free of charge

• Produced videos of Sharing and Caring training workshops

• Created new and updated Share website• Updated Share logo

2016• Updated and translated informational brochures into

Spanish• Hosted first Grandparent’s Day event for bereaved

grandparents

Cathi Lammert, former Share Director, introduces a new Share Logo.


It is always a privilege to honor and remember the many precious babies who were real and who were loved. My time of nearly 30 years journeying with bereaved parents has a been a gifted time for me in more ways than I could ever tell you. I treasure the memories of these precious babies and of their parents as I saw their courage and deep love for their child who had died. It was a privilege to

share in the precious moments spent with these special babies.

It was through the life and death of one precious little girl, Anna Marie, who was stillborn in the hospital where I had recently joined the staff as chaplain. This was in 1979 when the average caregiver, including myself, had no preparation to fall back on during the crisis precipitated by an infant’s death. The parents were devastated when Anna Marie was stillborn. For the first three days, the father was alone, as the mother remained in a coma with complications and was hospitalized for a month.

Though I had been a Maternity nurse, I had no preparation to deal with grief, at least I didn’t think I had any insights into their pain. Looking back, I realized that I had developed sensitivity to my other’s grief when my older sister died at age 18 – I was only 9 years old

at the time. The parents taught me to listen with empathy, to respond to their needs and to be their advocate. They needed most an avenue to give them options and the opportunity to make their own decisions. My role became one of journeying with them, to comfort them and to listen. They became my first teachers.

Later when I moved to St. John’s Hospital in Springfield, Illinois, through a series of circumstances in this large hospital, I found myself responding to other parents with a similar experience. From my beginnings with little Anne Marie, I have continued to journey with hundreds of families in the United States and other continents.

Every child’s life is precious and who can be more precious to parents than their infant? The hopes and dreams for this child are filled with

These Precious Babies Changed My Life

By: Sister Jane Marie LambOSF, Foundress of Share

"My role became one of journeying with them, to comfort them and to listen. [The parents] became my first teachers."


anticipation and joy. Suddenly, their dreams are shattered and the world around them shaken. The parents find it difficult as they try to make it alone. We as caregivers are privileged to journey with the families during this time of putting the pieces back together. Many family members and friends do not have an understanding of the grief process and for that reason shy away from reaching out.

Each time I have journeyed with a family they have gifted me with a deeper love and understanding. I learned that the foremost important thing on the journey with them was to listen and be there for them. I have been privileged to lighten their way and to give the families the love and support they need to make it thought the difficult times.

Over the years I continue to learn and to rejoice in the numbers of people who are there for the grieving families. During grief, we need each other and to be with others who understand. As we gather in times of remembering we acknowledge the significance of each baby and the precious lives that are no longer with us here. We come to remember, not to forget them. We come to honor the precious babies by name and to support the bereaved parents and family members as they move through their good times and difficult times.

Today there are many sensitive and caring people ready to reach out to you. Give yourself time to grieve and be gentle with yourselves. Let your needs be known. Reach out to one of the support centers around the country. You need not go it alone. Today there are many ways that others can be a support and strength for you.

Sharing your pain can lighten your burden. Do what you need to do to help yourselves, and do not try to go it alone. You are important to us and to so many people.

CAPTIONS: Top Left- Sister Jane at the 1986 National Perinatal Conference. Bottom Right Top- Sister Jane with the first SHARE Support Group. Bottom Right Bottom- Sister Jane with children at Christmas.


Share in the News


-Sister Jane Marie LambExcerpt from "My Funeral Homily"

Share in the News

Article orginally published in the Effingham, Ill. Daily News 1982, featuring Sister Jane Lamb, foundress of Share.

Each of us has a role to play in life...

In my life I've had a reoccuring dream

where I would be in a car driving

forward. In the dream I would not

be able to see, but I felt a strong

direction, I felt at peace and knew

I was on the way. Now I've made it

home. May each of you experience and

spread that peace, that dream, that

direction.... No one else can do what

you are called to be and do in this life.

"


In the summer of 1990, I had never even heard of Share or its mission. Yet, by the autumn of the same year, I could not have imagined how drastically our lives would change and how important Share would become to my hus-band Kevin and me.

Pregnancy for the first time, we anxiously awaited the September 1990 arrival of our newborn. Of course, we wanted to be surprised in the delivery room and learn our child’s gender, as he or she emerged into our world crying. We imagined we were having a daughter wo would have long legs like her daddy and, hopefully my nose instead of his, blonde hair like me, her dad’s sense of humor, and my kind heart. As obstetrics appointments became weekly, our excitement grew and we knew it would not be much longer before we held our baby for the first time. Yet, at one such appointment, our world was shattered forever when no heartbeat was heard with Dop-

pler nor seen through ultrasound images. We delivered our beauti-ful daughter (with long legs like her daddy) a few days later on a Monday. Lonely and sad, the only cried in that delivery room were ours.. and they continued late into the night until two strang-ers appeared in our hospital room doorway, Cathi and Chuck Lam-mert.

The strangers said they under-stood our pain and loss. They asked our daughter’s name and we proudly told them, “Rachel Jane.” At first, we just wanted them to leave us alone. No one could possible understand how we were feeling. Keven and I were such private people; we didn’t want to share our broken hearts with anyone. The pain was too intense, too overwhelming to ex-press rationally, and it frightened us. Several hours later, after the strangers left, we talked about how brave we thought they were to share a portion of themselves

with us in our most difficult hours. After all, we were strang-ers to them too, they reached out to us. We cried because they were sent to us, and we needed them.

A month later, we attended our first Share support group meet-ing. It was an enormously difficult thing for two private people to do, but our survival depended upon it. While our family members were wonderful sources of love and encouragement following our loss, only Share offered us a com-mon bond of support. In addition to Cathi and Chuck, the parents we met at the support group had firsthand experience with loss and we needed to lean on each other. We have discovered ways of cop-ing and ways of celebrating our babies. We have gained lifelong friend of strong character. Share has given us a positive outlet for our grief and we are eternally grateful.

Reflections of Share

By: Laura CurranMother of Rachel Jane, stillborn due

to a cord knot on September 17, 1990. Their living children include Michael

Kevin (May 14, 1992), Steven Patrick (December 8, 1993) Alexander Joseph

(November 25, 1995), and Margaret Mary (April 8, 1997). They lost a

daughter, Faith Ann, at 20 weeks on March 14, 2002, and suffered an early

loss at ten weeks in August 2002.


When I lost my daughter in March of 2002, I had never watched any-one I know experience the loss of their baby, let alone known any-one who had ever lost a baby. Be-sides my grief and pain of actu-ally losing my baby, I experienced an overwhelming feeling of being alone. I think we all do! In to-day’s world, babies don’t die . . .therefore, I must be the only one to have lost my baby. Right?

Regretfully, almost 2 months passed after my daughter’s death before I thought to go online and search for something, anything, anyone who could relate and offer me support. The very first search result I clicked on was Share!

What an empowering revela-tion... There are others out there who know! They know, Share welcomed me into it’s arms, took me by the hand and led me to other moms who understood what I was feeling. They under-stood because they were feeling it too. Strangers we were, but it felt as though we had been friends

forever . . . our hearts know the same pain . . . our lives had been altered in the same way.

Share is always a place that we can share our deepest feelings. Some feelings we would never reveal to the “non-bereaved” for fear of being thought crazy or twisted. Share enables us to talk about our babies, which is some-thing that doesn’t happen very often in the outside world. For me, I feel that I am so defined as a person by my daughter’s exis-tence that to not have her here with me contradicts everything I have become. To talk about her brings her closer and to be able

to do that with other who respect and honor her is truly a treasure.

Over the last 10 months, I have made some lifelong friends at Share. The death of my daughter has forever changed me and I feel so fortunate to have such won-derful friends to walk side by side with down this path. Our angels led us to each other . . . to help each other. When one is weak, the other is strong. When one is sad, the other is hopeful. When one is angry , the other is calm. The cycle is never ending.

What Share Has Meant To Me

Measuring the Impact

By Krista McInerneyKrista with her family today. She is mommy to Madison Elaine McInerney, Elliott-12, and Meah-9


Support, Healing and Hope -these are all of the things I hoped to bring to a grieving mother when I created the world’s very first weighted therapeu-tic teddy bear called The Comfort Cub back in 1999. When I was six months pregnant I got the devastat-ing news that the beautiful baby boy I was carrying named George had a “life limiting” disease called Osteo-genesis Imperfecta Type II . I was told he could die any day due to a heart attack or if I was lucky enough to make it to term, he would be killed during the birthing process. The doctor said the best case scenario was that he would be born alive and die shortly thereafter. Not much hope with a diagnosis like that, huh?

Well, Luckily, George was born alive and lived long enough for us to hug him, hold him, kiss him and to look into his big blue eyes and tell him we loved him. It was a precious and sa-cred time I will never forget for as long as I live.

Along with the obvious emotional pain of his passing, I got some sur-prising physical symptoms as well. My heart was in pain, I mean it liter-ally hurt and my arms were aching. When I held a weighted object in my arms immediately that physical pain went away. (For me, it was a large terracotta pot that had been sent to the gravesite- which ended up being

the right size, weight and circumfer-ence of a newborn baby.)

I had no idea why the pain stopped, but it did. I then read that it can be a common thing that happens when women lose a child that they seek weighted objects to hold. I read of a woman who carried around a five-pound sack of flour, and a woman who carried around throw pillows with rope wrapped around them to give them heft. What broke my heart and made me decide to do something was when I read about a woman who after her loss went to the grocery store after and found a pineapple the exact length and weight of her baby. She brought it home, wrapped it in her baby’s blanket and would rock with it in her arms to give her comfort.

I thought to myself, if it is happen-ing to me and with these cases I have read about, there has to be a lot more women out there who have been suf-fering alone just like me. I wanted to reach out and help them. I wanted to make the road easier for them then it was for me. One of the worst parts for me was leaving the hospital with no baby in my arms to hold. It didn’t help that as I was being wheeled out they put me on the elevator with a mom who had her arms full of flow-ers, balloons and a beautiful, healthy baby boy in her arms. It took every-

thing I had in me not to break down in tears. I just wanted to sob and sob. Instead I bit my lip, mustered up a smile and told her how beautiful her baby was and what a lucky mom she was too. We chatted as we were wheeled all the way out to our cars together. Her husband had pulled in right in front of us. My husband and I got to watch him leap out the car with excitement take photos of their first trip home and then load his wife and brand new baby into the car. They drove off happily together.

And there my husband and I were with our empty arms, empty baby seat and empty hearts. That was one the most painful experiences of my life. After that I wanted to make sure no mother who lost a child would ever have to experience that sadness of leaving the hospital empty handed after losing a child the way I did.

With the funds we had intended to put aside for raising my son, my hus-band and I used the money to make and distributed The Comfort Cubs to every hospital in San Diego. We also had a hotline (as this was in the days before the prominence of the in-ternet back in 1999) that anyone in the USA and Canada who had lost a child could contact us and we would send them one for free.

Mind you, this was not any easy sell

By Marcella Johnson, Founder of The Comfort Cub

Support, Healing, Hope and the Comfort Cub


to the hospitals back then. Nothing like this existed before and I got a lot of negative feedback. “What? You want to give a mom who has lost a child a teddy bear? Isn’t that a little insulting?”,“Is there any science be-hind this?” What? You just know it in your heart to be true? Sorry, that is not good enough.” I even had one of the women in my loss group tell me she thought it was “creepy.” I almost gave up on the idea. My heart was so broken and rejection was the last thing I could stand. But something inside of me told me “No, keep pushing for this. You know this is a good idea and that women will find comfort in this like you did.” So, I suggested to the hospitals just to give it a try and lo and behold they saw that many moms were respond-ing positively to it

At first I made the cubs by hand and filled them with spilt peas to give them weight. I attached a hand writ-ten note that told them they were not alone. I wanted

to let them know there was anoth-er mother out there who had lived through this devastation and had survived and was even trying to help others on this journey too. I thought it might give them hope that bright-er days ahead were possible.

One of the people who got one of our original Comfort Cubs was a mom named Bridgett who had lost her sweet baby girl, Molly. She really liked the Comfort Cub but wanted a teddy bear the exact weight and

length of her own baby. So she took another teddy bear and stuffed it to the exact weight of her baby and that is how The Molly Bear was born! Bridgett and I are friends and we are very proud of the suc-cess of Molly Bears as it all ties back to both George and Molly's legacy and our both wanting to help other mothers who struggle with the great-est loss there is.

Since we started the program 17 years ago, science has now caught up with what we just instinctually knew by feeling comfort by holding a weight-ed teddy bear. It is something called deep touch pressure which occurs by firm holding, hugging and squeez-ing. Holding something weighted in your arms and pulling it close to your chest actually causes your brain to release the neurotransmitters of serotonin and dopamine which are your body’s happy hormones. When these hormones are released it de-creases your heart rate, lowers your blood pressure and produces a feeling of calm in your nervous system. As for the pain in my heart, I was ex-periencing some-thing called Takotsubo Syn-drome or stress -induced cardio-myopathy. In layman’s terms it is called “bro-ken-heart syn-

drome” where your heart is physi-cally affected by the acute grief you are feeling at the loss of a loved one. It has only been given a clinical diag-nosis in the last 6 years.

We are so grateful for the grant that has been given to Share to send a Comfort Cub to every chapter in the USA so that everyone will get a chance to hold and feel a Comfort Cub for themselves. We hope you will find support, healing and hope when you hug one too.

What an honor it is for us to participate in the 40th year newsletter of Share. We are so thankful that

Share has been holding a torchlight for all of us grieving mothers for so long. We need each other des-

perately to survive this almost indescribable pain of losing your baby. Thank you for leading the way for

moms like me. Without your light, we could not find our way out of the darkness. It is in this light that

we find the strength to help each other.

Thank you Share and Happy 4oth!! -The Comfort Cub Team

Share is deeply honored and grateful to be the recipient of a donation from Arthur Johnson, which enabled us to purchase enough Comfort Cubs to send one to each of our active Share chapters! A group of volunteers will be packaging them up and sending them out this month. Thank you, Arthur and Comfort Cubs for this very special gift!


Spike & Mykala Armstrong, Jacob Thompson, Cohen Stremmel, and Dakota Toft By: Jessica Thompson Owen Michael Backer By: Debbie & Ted Ball Hannah Marie Bailey By: Lauren Hess-Metz "In memory of our beloved niece and cousin. We love you. May God hold you in the palm of his hands."Emily Ann Bogener By: Connie & John Bogener Corynn Boresi By: Joy & Mike Boresi Griffin L. Brase By: Merlene & Ben Jeffries Nana & Poppy's "Little Buddy"Joshua Bruenning By: Jan & Bob Jerden "Merry Christmas, Grandma & Grandpa"Joshua Bruenning By: Linda & Bill Fielder "With love, Aunt LinSamuel Garrison Byers By: Mike and Lois Ginther "In memory of our precious angel baby, Samuel. You are loved."Joseph William Carter By: Deborah & William Carter "Happy 34th Birthday son!"Alexander Bryan Castillo By: Susan Woodard "Remembering our precious Alexander"Elijah Charles & Eugene Clouse By: Paulette & Cloyd Bridges

Madelyn Marie Cook By: Judith & Darrell Slimick Baby Covilli By: Andrea & Todd Covilli Jade Davison By: Anne Voss "Dear sweet Jade, Forever in our hearts. Love, Anne and Phil"Baby Deal By: Josh & Shannon Deal "I carried you every second of your life and I will love you every second of mine."Claire Doster By: Beth HInshaw "May this holiday season be full of joy and peace."Eliza Taylor Duckworth By: Peggy & Dean Baker "Along with you and your girls, we are remembering Eliza......with love from Peggy and Dean."Chase Elmendorf By: Sarah Wuelling Caroline & Ryan Epplin-Rincker By: Jerome Epplin Kathryn Ann Ewald By: Missy & Jeff Ewald Chase Foster By: Barbara Smith Nathan Gamerman By: Marcy Susman Patrick James Gannon By: Cindy & Gene Gannon Benjamin Gerard Gelsthorpe By: Mark & Ronda & Jackson Gelsthorpe Elisa Gjertson By: Erica Lambert Travis Glennon By: Courtney Cox

Baby Goodall By: Mary & George O'Connell Grace Nicole Gray By: Carolyn Reed 'Missed and loved!'Fiona Hafner By: Justin Lammert Katelyn Nicole Hampshire By: Denise Oppermann Baby Harper By: Elizabeth & Randy Hope "I carried you every second of your life & and I will love you every second of my life."Mason Harris By: Jim & Lisa Hannon Isabella Jean Heimann Nunes By: Wendy Heimann Scarlett & Vivian Henderson By: Hill AFB "Even though their time on earth was brief. The hearts of those they touched, will always remember."York Benjamin Hendrix By: Lisa Hendrix Caroline Henry By: Brian & Julia Henry By: Mary Vancil Ridge Chappel Hneleski: Sophia Nance Vein By: Carey & Robert Hneleski "We love and miss you every day"Emily Claire Hunn By: Owen and Ashley Hunn Benjamin Anthony Juergens By: Bob Juergens Menachem Jungblut By: Susan Sheffey

Audrey Hope Keinrath By: Connie & Richard Pirtle Hunter Kraft By: Heather Preston Christopher Lammert By: Catherine & Chuck Lammert "Happy Birthday, Christopher!"Octavia & Abigail Mangrum By: Chris Roedel Braxson Amar Monroe By: Denisha Hudgins Luke Morrill By: Kristi Boccardi "In Loving Memory of Luke Morrill, Happy 4th Birthday Luke! Love, Kristi Boccardi" By: Linda Minnick Colton Christopher Natsch By: Charles & Joan Natsch Love always and forever, ‘Grammy and Pops"Marley Neville By: Alisa Osborne "In memory of Marley on your Birthday!" By: Candi Keene "In honor of your 9th birthday. We miss you sweet Marley!"Liam Niemi By: Elizabeth Hill Matthew Ommen By: Melissa Grafton Owen Christopher Paganini By: Mary Ann Mansker "Prayers to his parents"Kinsley Lane Peters By: Sally Brusveen "With sincere condolences for the loss of Kinsley. Jim and Sally Brusveen"

In Memory Of... 16 | Sharing Magazine - January/Febuary 2017

Jake Pliske By: Eugene & Delores Honerkamp By: Jane Romano By: Lauren Jones By: Terri Bekebrede By: Matthew HonerkampAmy Noel Rathsam By: Glee Ann Huddlestun "In loving memory of Amy"Charley Rowekamp By: Judy & Robin Hawley By: Kathy & Bob Rowekamp William Schamel By: Maureen & Kirk Richter Paige Elizabeth Schuessler By: Kim Jacquin "I carry your heart with me. I carry it in my heart. I am never without it. Anywhere I go, you go my dear. And whatever is done by only me, is your doing my darling. - E.E Cummings"Gregory Barrett Sill By: Emily & Barrett Sill "Happy 5th Birthday! Mommy & Daddy love you very much!"Frankie Stockmann By: Anne Phelps Janet Sugarman By: Lois Sugarman Jamee Swartz By: Diane & Jim Swartz Corey J. Swinney By: Chris & Corrine Swinney Finn Edward Thilenius By: Amy Urzi "Happy 3rd Angel Birthday Sweet Boy! Hugs and Kisses!" By: Gretchen & Bryan Goodall "Finn is in our hearts and we are always thinking of you. Love & Hugs, Bryan & Gretchen" By: K.M McCarthy

Finn Thilenius and Coleman Urzi By: Tammy Olson Coleman Christopher Urzi By: Judy Goodall By: Mary & George O'Connell Jacob Watts By: Hannah Watts Hunter Charles Webb By: Betsy & Ryan Webb Noah Wehnes By: Susan & Mark Rehagen "With our sympathy, Mark and Susan Rehagen"Colin Daniel Williams By: Dan & Lauren Williams Parker Leleand Wright By: Katherine and Travis WrightNicholas Ybarra By: Amy & Bob Ybarra "Missed every day"Jeffrey Arthur Zerr By: Karen & Jack Zerr Alyssa Kay By: Amy Smith Maureen Elizabeth By: Andrew Kelly By: Jennifer Glazer "Thoughts and love to all of you as you heal."Alina Rose By: Patricia Kenney "In our hearts forever, Love, Grandma Patti and Papa Scott"Our Lost Baby By: Rachel M. Berlin Lily Grace By: Christine Malone "We love you Liz, Dan, and Carter! We look forward to walking in remembrance of Lily this weekend."

In Tribute To:The Exler Family By: Elizabeth Cate "In celebration of your new addition, while remembering your beautiful twin girls. May Talia serve as a comfort and joy for many years to come."

Debbie Toney By: Barb Grosch

Thank You for Your Gifts!Students of Saint Rose of Lima Catholic School "Thank you for all you do!"Ellen Robare Bank of America Matching Gifts Anderson Hospital Employee Community Fund of the Boeing Company Benevity Schnucks Citizens Charitable Foundation Annessa Allison Taran Anagnos Robert Bacich Myranda Bellman Natalie Bessinger Phil Braasch Jamie Brown Carol Buck Patti Budnik Meredith & Derek Byers John Capellupo First Capitol Lions Club Debbie & Jim Cochran Brooke Cornell Sharon & Barry Covington Becky Cronan Raymond D'Auria Neal Deutsch Julie Duffy Cherie Erickson Tom and Marlene Evans

Barbara Fresenburg Stephanie Fritz Mark & Betty Fuller Teresa & Patrick Gavin Mary Jo Henry Linda Jenkins Arthur Q Johnson Allison Jones Laurie Kasperski Valerie Kniffen Tracy Koenig Amber Kraus Stephanie Kurtzman Ann & Frank Lehmann Linda Leindecker Steven Lowy Lindsay Luebbehusen Edith Lueckert Mike Margherio Andi Martin Jack Massa Jaimie Mckeen Christine & Doug Mills Daniel Mullady Kevin and Lisa O'Hern Laurie Peacock Stephanie Peralta Susan Petzel Carol Piontek David J. Reinhart Megan Rowekamp Jill Scanlon Emily Schlick Kelli Stout Lori Taber Rebecca Thomas Julie Vaughan


Years ago, I participated in the Share message boards. I don't know where I would be today without my Share sisters. I am so thankful Share gave us that safe place to vent, cry, laugh and meet others who were able to help us on our journey.

Chris

Before I found Share, I felt so alone. I have never felt so alone before. Finding a sisterhood of other sad moms like me was liberating and helped me to feel less alone. I have made some wonderful life-long friends because of Share.

Sam

When I called you, I was distraught over the loss of our granddaughter, our daughter’s first child. You offered an attentive ear and encouragement at one of the lowest points in our years together. The materials you provided and your helpful suggestions were instrumental in our preparing the committal service.

Bill and Kathy

I have been fortunate enough to never have lost a

child, so I was very unprepared to help my daughter

when our granddaughter Skye died right after she

was born. I felt so helpless until a friend told me

about Share. I called them, and what a Godsend! I

kept in touch with one of the women who work there,

and she was always so comforting. She is probably

the only person who understood that grandparent’s

grief is twofold—you want to help your child, but

this is a hurt you cannot fix for them. You are also

deeply saddened by the loss of your grandchild. I

don’t know how I would ever have made it through

this terrible and heartbreaking experience if not for

Share. Charlotte

The night I came home from the hospital without my son Sammy was the worst day of my life. Worse than finding out he had died. Worse than the quiet delivery room when he was born. Walking into our house that was so ready for a new baby was excruciating. I couldn’t sleep that night, so I opened my computer and scoured the internet for anything I could find. What I found was Share, and I called the next day. The woman I talked to was so kind. She listened to me cry; she was genuinely interested in hearing everything about my little boy. For over an hour, she gave me her undivided attention and I will forever be grateful for that angel who answered the phone that day. I feel like that was the beginning of my healing because I knew I wasn’t alone. Michelle

How has Share made a difference for you & your family?


Support?NEED

Share Chapterswww.nationalshare.org

Visit our website for a full list of Share Chapters by State, as well as a collection of additional resources.

Online Supportwww.facebook.com

Share offers several social communities in addition to Chapters and support groups.

SHARE BEREAVED FAMILIES PEER SUPPORT

Best serves those dealing with general bereavement

SHARE SUBSEQUENT PREGNANCY PEER SUPPORT

Best serves those who are currently pregnant or are planning to become pregnant following the death of a baby.

*Please note that these are closed groupsand membership must be approved by an administrator.

Resourceswww.nationalshare.org

Shop our online store for books, gifts, memorial keepsakes and more.

Until I found Share, I had no idea that all of

the thoughts, feelings and anxieties I had were

“normal.” I thought something was wrong with me

because I could not “get over” my miscarriages

like everyone thought I should. Everyone I met

through Share made me feel like being sad because I miscarried was not only okay, but to be

expected. It was so nice to discover I am not alone

in my feelings. Jodi

The people at Share helped me to realize that it was OKAY for me to not go see my friend’s new baby….no one else, absolutely no one, understood why I didn’t want to be around pregnant women or babies.

-Kate

Share truly blessed me during our very difficult time. I found other sites and groups, but Share was and is special. Everyone was always so kind, loving and welcoming. I never felt more welcome than when I visited the Share chat room and message boards. In some ways, Share saved my life because they helped me learn how to live it again.

Beth

How could I ever express my gratitude for my first Share experience?I came away filled with sadness at leaving all of my new friends. Never again will I be the same person. I feel renewed and closer to becoming the person God wants me to be, (Humbler) and full of ideas for a more productive HAND group.Your work, dedication, spirit of togetherness and love showed through the whole weekend. Thank you for the opportunity of sharing it with me.

I truly feel blessed,Karen, 1985

Share Pregnancy and Infant Loss Support, Inc | 402 Jackson Street, Saint Charles, MO 63301636.947.6164 | [email protected] | www.nationalshare.org

Magazine Submission Guidelines:1. Please provide title, authors’ name and applicable loss information for article submissions. If donating

monetarily in memory of a baby, please provide loss information, including the parent’s name(s).2. Submissions must be received no later than the 1st of the month, one month prior to issue month. If you

are making a donation and would like to be recognized, or honor a birthday or anniversary, in the most recent edition of the magazine, then it, must be received by the 10th of the month, two months prior to the publication.

3. Please type your submissions in single spaced, 10 point, Times New Roman or Arial font when possible.4. Submissions can be mailed to 402 Jackson, St. Charles, MO 63301, e-mailed to rcarlson@nationalshare.

org or faxed to the National Share Office at 636-947-7486.

MAGAZINESharing Magazine is published by Share Pregnancy & Infant Loss Support, Inc. If you would like to reprint articles/submissions from Sharing please properly cite Share and the writer by stating the name of the organization, website, magazine, volume, issue, and author in your acknowledgements. If you would like to reprint an article/ submission that is copyrighted by an author or a publishing company, you must obtain permission from the copyright holder to reprint. Email questions to [email protected].

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40 Years of... touching lives healing hearts giving hope

Documents

January 2017 - Volume 26, Issue 1 Established 1987 lives healing …nationalshare.org/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/Sharing... · 2017-01-17 · Dear Friends, Welcome to 2017! This is