THEPARENTLINK

a parenting resource from the Youth Ministry @ Winfree

OFFER HOPE TO SELF-HARMERS

The problems facing today’s young people may not be bigger than what

teenagers faced 20 years ago, but they’re multiplying. To cope with stress,

abuse, broken homes, peer pressure, addictions, depression, and low self-

esteem, many teenagers harm themselves through cutting, eating disorders,

and engaging in risky behavior.

When life gets tough, there’s no help or hope found in paralyzing guilt,

rejection, or searching for scapegoats. Instead, it’s essential for parents to

stick with and accept teenagers, seek help, extend forgiveness, and promote

healing.

First, honestly evaluate any signs of self-destructive behavior. Watch for

scratches, scars, burns, isolation, fainting, tooth decay, a drastic change in

eating habits, or a fixation on perceived physical flaws. Gently but persistently

bring the problem to light. Avoid the extremes of blowing up or delicately

sidestepping the problem. State the facts while expressing genuine concern.

Explain that you’ll help your teenager find other ways to work through tough

emotions. Work to identify the root cause and sustaining factors, including

your current family culture. Then include your teenager as much as possible in

an action plan. Work with a trusted physician or counselor, giving your teen

some say in the process. This can be the time when teenagers begin walking

down the road to freedom, and you can help set them on that course.

Rusty’s Ramblings

2012 is here! What will it hold for the Youth Ministry here at Winfree? I don’t fully know, so I hope and pray for God’s presence in all we do. My trust is in the Lord! I hope each of you experience Christ’s love in a spec-tacular way in the days and months to follow.

There is certainly a lot of activity around the ideas of belong, believe and become. These three key com-ponents will help provide the frame-work for all we are and do.

As always, it’s my privilege to serve alongside you. I hope God surprises us all in a mighty way this year!

God Bless ~ Rusty

TIPS >>> PONDER THIS

Group’s Emergency Response Hand-

book for Parents offers guidelines

about how to talk to teenagers who

are hurting:

What Not To Say

“You’re scaring me.” Expressing

shock or horror reinforces the be-

lief that teens are isolated, differ-

ent, and even deserving of the in-

flicted pain.

“If I find you doing this again...”

Self-destructive behavior isn’t a

character issue. Rules and conse-

quences won’t affect emotions,

although you can limit negative

influences.

“You’re too skinny.” This brings

the focus back to body image and

makes weight loss the center of

attention.

What To Say

“I know you’ve been hurting your-

self.” The only effective way to deal

with this problem is to face it head-

on. Accusations and demands usually

backfire, but a humble, honest expla-

nation of the truth can be a first step

to freedom.

“Have you noticed any circum-

stances, events, or patterns that

occur before you react this way?” Upon reflection, teenagers may real-

ize they feel the urge to engage in self

-destructive behavior at certain times.

Work together to find other means of

responding to emotional pain.

“Let’s get help.” Assure teenagers

you love them unconditionally and

will walk with them through whatever

it takes to find healing.

What self-destructive behavior or

choices of your own might be in-

fluencing your teenagers?

What adjectives would best de-

scribe your home life? How can

you make it more conducive to

honest expressions of emotion?

January 2012

GOING DEEPER Expert Insights for Parents of Teenagers

By Megan Hutchinson

RESOURCE

I’ve been blessed to come alongside

hurting teens for many years and have

recognized that they all have one thing

in common: something significant is

missing deep within. And that some-

thing is very basic and is intentionally

designed by God. Kids want to be

1.) nurtured patiently, 2.) accepted as

they are, and 3.) loved genuinely. If

these are absent from teenagers’

primary relationships, there inevitably

will be pain.

Typically, that pain begins to surface

during the adolescent years, when

developmental changes are at their

peak. And that’s where parents and

youth workers come in. We’re

privileged to be part of these kids’

lives just when they’re hurting the

most. Here’s how you can meet their

three key needs:

1. Patient Nurture. Be tender and

empathic. Come alongside young

people and help them grow as if

they’re a fragile plant in need of gen-

tleness and care. Nurturing is powerful

because it validates the very emotion

that’s gone ignored and subdued in

each hurting teen.

2. Unconditional Acceptance. This

means welcoming teenagers as they

are. Respect who they are as people,

not as “kids” who need special treat-

ment. Embrace teenagers regardless

of your personal preferences or moral

positions…no strings attached.

3. Genuine Love. Be the hands, heart,

and mouthpiece of Jesus with kids. See

each one as a precious soul cherished

and loved by the Creator himself.

Consistently show up in their lives

with encouragement, belief, and hope

for what they cannot see for them-

selves. Just as Jesus modeled with the

woman at the well, love teenagers the

way they are, but then refuse to leave

them the way they are.

Megan Hutchinson, co-creator of the

curriculum Life Hurts, God Heals,

writes at SimplyYouthMinistry.com.

The three-week series Scarred: Preparing for the Hurt in Life (Simply Youth Ministry) by Doug Fields and Megan Hutchinson helps young people prepare to deal with life’s pain but also shows them how God can use that pain to create beauty.

BIBLE FOCUS Dear friends, don’t be surprised at the fiery trials you are going through, as if something strange were happening to you. Instead, be very glad—for these trials make you partners with Christ in his suffering, so that you will have the wonderful joy of seeing his glory when it is revealed to all the world.

1 Peter 4:12-13

For more details and/or periodic updates check out: www.winfreechurch.com >>>> Register for “ParentLink” monthly newsletter and

Discover links for Facebook, the Winfree blog & much more…

“LIVE” small group curriculum updates are sent via email, so you’re informed about what we’re talking about on Sunday mornings. Take time to talk about them as a family.

SAVE the DATES

Spring & Summer 2012

January 6 Middle School Game Night @ 6 ● bring $5 & a friend ● January 8, 15, 22 The Gathering Starts back on the 8th with a Parent Meeting @ 6PM January 29 secret activity (CCPS is closed 1/30) February 12 & 19 The Gathering @ 5:30 February 3 High School dinner & movie(tbd) ● bring $5 & a friend ● February 5 Souper-Bowl of Caring (proceeds to benefit Friends of the Homeless) February 10-11 The Art of Marriage Weekend February 25-26 30 Hour Famine March 4, 11, 18 & 25 The Gathering @ 5:30 March 2 Middle School Game Night ● bring $5 & a friend ● March 30-April 1 Mission Madness ( DEADLINE to sign-up is March 16) $80 April 8, 15, 22 & 29 The Gathering @ 5:30 April 6 Stations of the Cross on Good Friday April 28 MDBA – Kingdom Builders Saturday – Amelia Baptist Church May 6 & 20 The Gathering @ 5:30 May 4 High School dinner & movie(tbd) ● bring $5 & a friend ● May 20 Graduate Recognition Sunday June 3 Start of Summer Cookout

Summer Mission Projects/Camps

Impact VA – High School Chesterfield, VA June 24-30 $ 275 $ 50 due by Jan 31 Vacation Bible School Midlothian, VA July 9-13 FREE Register by June 30 Passport Camp – Middle School Wingate, NC July 15-20 $ 275 $50 due by Jan 31 Winfree Sports Camp & Carnival Midlothian, VA August 6-10 FREE Register by July 30 ** Fundraising opportunities will be offered throughout the year. Money will not be the reason a kid doesn’t participate, so ask about scholarships and/or creative payment plans. ALL discussions are confidential!!** Please stay tuned for a more detailed summer calendar to be released later. Don’t forget to stay on top of things by registering for the Parent Link monthly newsletter and email updates at www.winfreechurch.com Continue to pray for The Youth Ministry @ Winfree as we create a community for people to belong, discover more about the One worth believing in and become all God has created us to be. Sincerely, Rusty Lee You can reach me via winfreeyouth@gmail.com or 564.4441(mbl) or 794.5031(office)

Coming February 5… All funds donated go to support

Friends of the Homeless.

Any and all questions, comments, and especially praises

can be directed to Rusty Lee by; phone, 564.4441,

email, winfreeyouth@gmail.com or in person.

JANUARY 2012 Sun Mon Tue Wed Thurs Fri Sat

1 2 3 4 5 6 7

New Year’s Day

8 9 10 11 12 13 14

“LIVE” Small Groups @ 11 KICK-OFF Gathering @ 5:30 PM PARENTS’ PRAY & PREP

Supper @ 5:45 Sign up in the office

15 16 17 18 19 20 21

“LIVE” Small Groups @ 11 The Gathering @ 5:30 PM

MLK Jr. B.day Observance

Supper @ 5:45 Sign up in the office

22 23 24 25 26 27 28

“LIVE” Small Groups @ 11 The Gathering @ 5:30 PM

Supper @ 5:45 Sign up in the office

29 30 31

“LIVE” Small Groups @ 11

Did you save

the dates on

page 3 ?