Cristina DyEditor-in-chief

Rosalind Ngo-LiEditor

Johnson LiArt Editor

Marybelle TalaniaArtist

Rev. Alexander Hsu UyPtr. Philemon TiePtr. Joselito Chua

Spiritual Columnists

ccowespondenceccowespondenceccowespondence

Editorial Team

CCOWEspondence is a magazine published semi-annually by CCOWEF Young Professionals Philippines (CYP). This publication is distributed for free to Filipino-Chinese churches nationwide. If you would like to extend financial assistance to help in the production and distribution of CCOWEspondence, it will be greatly appreciated. You can send cash or check made payable to:

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Editorial

Last May, I experienced a very bad sore throat, so bad that I scarcely had any voice left. I could barely speak and I would rarely speak. Our house seemed quieter that time. As I was suffering in my “silence”, the people at home were very happy about it --- my nannies, my two daughters and, the happiest of them all, my husband. I wonder why…

As if that experience was not enough for me to learn my lesson, two weeks after, I had a trying bout with mouth sores. People say it's due to stress. Stress from what? Work?! (Boss, I'm not complaining! ;-) ) Every time I opened my mouth to speak or eat, it brings me so much pain. Once again, words were very limited. Whenever I have to speak, I would make sure that it's really important and straight to the point.

As days go by (in silence), I reflected on my experience. I feel God must be trying to impress something on me. Then I realized that in life, there are actually so many things that we may want to say or talk about and yet if we end up not saying or talking about it, it doesn't make much of a difference at all. It must be because it is human nature to want to indulge in useless chatter, talking about unimportant things or spending time gossiping about other people. I believe that communication is God's gift to us and should not be taken for granted. In fact, it should be utilized for His glory.

The most common mode of communication is through words. Words may be communicated verbally by talking or non-verbally by writing. As Christians, I know it is still a constant struggle for us to watch the words we utter and write. Just because we are Christians doesn't mean we have already passed this test with flying colors. We may joke around and talk about other people, enjoying and laughing at their expense. Is this the kind of image we want to show the non-Christians around us? Is this a constructive thing to do? We may justify saying we are only having fun, acting irresponsibly like these are harmless actions but the truth is that we might already be ripping somebody's heart or destroying people's lives. I know words don't cost us anything monetarily. Maybe that's why it is being abused so easily.

This issue is an attempt to somehow open our eyes to the reality that being careless with our words is not a joke. We have to be conscious with what we say or write. The impact of words can never be measured. It can affect just one person or an entire nation or the whole world. Let us learn to make each opportunity to speak or write a worthy endeavor to edify the people around us. You don't need to go through what I did to enable you to control your tongue. It is my hope and prayer that after going through all the articles in this issue from cover to cover, we will never again say that … “IT'S ONLY WORDS”.

--- Rosalind N. Li---

“Watch YourWords!”

Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone. – Colossians 4:6

The Positive and Purposeful Use of Words

For Encouragement

For Correction

Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul, and healing to the bones. – Prov. 16:24

When my niece hugged me tight and blurted out, “A-e (auntie in Chinese), I love you. You're the best!” It was a winning moment for me. For coming from a six year old, I knew it was sincere and spontaneous. Take note, it wasn't even accompanied by a gift or a favour on my part. To this day, recalling her words brings tenderness and joy to my heart.

What deep impression and great encouragement kind and loving words evoke in us! It pleases us to hear them, we yearn to hear them. Yet how often do we give them as well? How much of what we say are deliberately intended to meet the needs of the people we meet? How generous are we in giving kind words, compliments, comfort, prayers, and appreciation? Everyone needs a word of encouragement, not just to feel good about themselves or their situations, but sometimes simply to have hope and strength to get by in a world that already inflicts much pain and disappointment.

In Proverbs 10, Solomon speaks of the righteous man whose mouth is a fountain of life, a choice silver, nourishes many, brings forth wisdom, and knows what is fitting. What a better world it would be if we can all start our day with this prayer, “O Lord, may the words of my mouth be pleasing to you and bring cheer and healing to someone's heart today?”

A wise man's heart guides his mouth, and his lips promote instruction. – Prov. 16:23

When a single woman I met at work

Amazing Words!By Cristina Dy (UECP)

shared that she is involved with a married man who is separated (not legally) from his wife, I mentally struggled how to respond to this. How do I remind her that she is in a wrong relationship without sounding judgmental and a killjoy?

Correcting an employee, a child, or a dear friend requires godly wisdom. When we correct someone in the heat of anger, it often ends up damaging to the person. On the other hand, in our attempt to protect or not offend a person, we can also commit the sin of neglecting to correct someone in truth.

Correcting someone in truth and in love, I believe, balances it off. A popular approach to constructive criticism is the hamburger method. This approach starts and ends with a positive comment, while sandwiching the real meat of the matter.

In the case of this woman who confided in me, I told her that I care for her and sincerely want her to be happy. But the relationship she is in now will not bring lasting happiness because this is not God's will. I don't want to burst her bubble but I also feel responsible to point her to the right direction.

Did she listen to me? No. So, correcting someone, even though done in truth and in love, does not necessarily achieve the intended result. It is true that we can never control a person's response, but we can choose to remain a righteous influence to others through our words.

For I am not ashamed of the gospel, because it is the power of God that brings salvation to everyone who believes: first to the Jew, then to the Gentile. - Romans 1:16

It is sad that we only feel the urgency to share the gospel to a family member or friend when he is dying on a hospital bed. We know that sharing the gospel is the best gift we can

For Sharing the Gospel

leave to a person because it is the message of salvation. Yet for most Christians, pointing people to Jesus and His work on the cross does not come naturally at all.

I am blessed to have met people who truly inspire me because of their passion for Christ. They easily find everyday situation as a jumping board to speak about God. A Christian lady gave a box of donuts she got for free through a credit card transaction to a security guard, and say, “God is good. He gives us free donuts.”

One elderly lady said to the bank teller as she made her deposit, “Thank you for assisting me. Your smile has cheered me up since I'm having a bad day today. God has encouraged me through you.” Then, she went on to speak about our loving God and left a gospel tract with her.

And of course it is always a heart warming scene for me to witness a parent pointing his children to the goodness of God by saying, “Praise God! Thank you, Lord, for bringing us safely to our destination.”

How often do we speak about God to our family members, to our friends? What is keeping us from doing so? Speaking to others about God, His love, and His plan of salvation is what every depraved soul needs to hear. May we be so filled with God's words that it spills onto the lives of the people around us!

Words are indeed powerful tools we can use to elevate, help, and even save people. But none of these will be helpful and effective if not motivated by love, supported by truth, accompanied by the right approach, and guided by the Spirit of God. May the words that we use be proper, pleasing, and profitable to all who receive them!

Words Are Not Enough

How many words do you speak in a day? There have been many studies about the average number of words a person speaks in a day. But none of them have been conclusive. For it depends on factors like gender, profession, personality, occasion, and even on whether it's a working day or a weekend. A more relevant and practical follow-up question is: How much of your words are positively and purposefully beneficial to others?

We have seen how words can build or destroy a nation, can unite or separate a family, can lift or kill a man's spirit. From childhood, we have been told and taught to not lie, not brag, not use profanity, not speak ill of others. In this article, I invite you to take a step forward from refraining to use words negatively to using words purposefully to communicate kindness, hope, truth, and support to people.

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By Stanley Cheng (UECP)

“Sticks and stones may hurt me but words never will.” So goes an age old child's rhyme. But is it really true? Does a bruised knee hurt more than a bruised ego? Or is it the other way around? Words may be very simple and yet they can also be very profound. Words can be as soft as a marshmallow and yet can be as hard as stone. Words when spoken carefully can be as a soothing balm to someone in pain but when used otherwise, it can be likened to squeezing lemon on an open wound. Sadly, using words to inflict harm has long been with us and because we live in a fallen world, it is bound to stay.

Let's start off by defining the term “abuse”. An abuse can either be physical, sexual, emotional or verbal. It manifests itself by intimidating or manipulating another person with the purpose of exercising control. It is generally a long term pattern of behaviour although specific short term interactions can also be labelled as abusive. Verbal abuse leaves no visible scars or wounds and so can easily be denied. The abuser can even mark the recipient as being 'too sensitive'. Though it may seem to be less serious compared to other forms, it is no less painful, and can require a longer recovery time.

Belittling /Undermining /Joking. These are so subtle and can even be “funny” at times but the pain it inflicts on the person can potentially be life-damaging. Although these remarks may sometimes be spoken in jest, they are nonetheless an attack towards a person's race, physical looks, background, capabilities, or status. The victim may outwardly appear cool and a good sport, but the emotional hurt can be deep and lasting. In many cases, this leads to a poor self-esteem and insecurity that pulls a person back from reaching his full potential. While on the other extreme, it can lead to an inner anger and a relentless drive to outdo and get back at others.

Name Calling / Criticizing / Threatening. This can start as a simple put down by adding a derogatory adjective when you are being called. When this is left unchecked it can grow to become nasty, dirty as the abuser will slowly and systematically “put down” the victim's self esteem.

Accusing /Blaming. In our justice system, it is the accuser who should prove beyond reasonable doubt that the crime has been committed. But in this case, it is the victim who has to prove his innocence. The victim is given a barrage of “guilt trips baggage” that he has to carry ALONE. Later, these accusations become a

What is Verbal Abuse?

Forms of Verbal Abuse

self-fulfilling prophecy. Which then reinforces the “guilt trip” and the vicious cycle continues.

Forgetting/Denial. Forgetting and denying what he said in the past, and breaking promises are some examples. Another one is denying another person's experience and perceptions with phrases like, “What are you talking about? You are making all this up in your mind.” It is a paradox that the victim in some cases turns around and becomes himself an abuser. He will find someone weaker than him to whom he will shower his litany of verbal abuse. It is sad to note that this problem knows no boundaries, and is a reality in many families, in workplaces, in societies, and yes, even in churches today.

What can one do if he has been on the receiving end of any form of verbal abuse? If this happens occasionally, it is not a cause for serious concern. Because we live in an imperfect society with imperfect people, we are bound to get hurt by someone's words one time or another. If, however, this behaviour becomes increasingly frequent and deliberate, then it is a real problem. Below are some steps to help us be victorious over such situations:

First of all, remember that God loves you and you are valuable in His sight. You may know this already but during the times that you are being heaped “verbal garbage” by your abuser, you may forget all about it. Psalm 34:18 says, "The LORD is close to the broken hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” Do not believe for a minute that you are worthless and useless, because God has a purpose for each person.

Secondly, deal with your feelings of guilt. Victims of abuse often think that they are somehow at fault; that it is because of their inadequacies that they are at the receiving of such treatment. Whether it is your fault or not, face the truth. If it turns out to be your fault, then admit it, seek for forgiveness, and repent. Refuse to hang on to that guilt trip, for our God is in the business of forgiving and rebuilding.

Thirdly, realize that you can be free from being a victim and agree with God that you can be free. 2 Corinthians 3:17 says, "Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom."

Lastly, seek outside help. Phone a friend, a pastor, or someone you can trust. In most serious cases, professional help may be needed.

From Victim to Victor

Verbal Blows Bruisesand

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