It's a Not So Wonderful Life

8/2/2019 It's a Not So Wonderful Life

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Its a not so Wonderful Life

Inspired by the maddening Christmas music that plays 24/7 at work

By. Charles G. Billingham III Oil Barron

*Prelude starts strong but by the end deserves a resounding WEAK! from the crowd*Possible Ch.1 titles: Jules, trip 10,928, 10,928


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Prelude

Observe: onto the cold, grey, street steps Julius Forest. He is our protagonist. Hesnot a very good protagonist. He has no ambitious or problems to over come. He has nodark past to return and haunt him. He has no debilitating vices, no mortal enemies, no

worries, no secret desires. No distinguishing characteristics other than his unusual firstname. He is in every way content; which is not where a proper protagonist should be atthe beginning of a story. I promise you, however, that by the end of this tale he will havegone through all the ups and downs of your average protagonist. I hope that you will fallfor him as I have.

Julius is a fictional character as is everyone else in this story.You can take away what you want from this story. If it helps this is all fiction.

There is no god of any sort, no real meaning behind life. Heaven and Hell do not exist,and nether of them have legal departments.

This story is meant to entertain and not to drive some rebellion, or say that oneway of life is better than another. I just ask that you read this story and it makes you feel

something, be it love, hate or hunger, if not dont worry it just means I need to work onmy prose.


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Chapter OneJules

Observe: onto the cold, grey, street steps Julius Forest. He is heading home fromanother long day of work as the senior assistant manager at The Farmhouse a grocery

store that is a part of the large Farmhouse Grocer chain. Hes been a manager there for15 years. He was offered a promotion ten years ago but he turned it down for reasons thatwill be more appropriately explained later. The Farmhouse is located on 1946 Williamsstreet exactly six blocks south of 1346 Tannenbaum Av. There, on the corner, sitsJuliuss destination. Victorian style, two story home. Four bedroom, two bath, spacious(3200 sq. feet), perfect for a family starting out, some furnishings included, white picketfence optional. Julius has walked these six blocks twice a day for almost 15 years, a totalof 10,927 trips. Nothing worth chronicling had happened those 10,927 times, but this istrip 10,928 and sometimes the 10,928th time is the charm.

Julius stepped out on to the cold, grey street. He wrapped his beige scarf round his

neck three times, straightened his glasses and started, as he had 10,927 times before,down Williams Street. He had made it only forty paces when he stopped. Something wasdifferent. Someone else was walking behind him. Someone walking behind you is rarelya cause for alarm. However when you have walked the same route 10,927 times and notonce in those 10,927 times have you encountered another person walking behind you,you may experience an odd felling of unease. Slowly Julius turned and, for the first timein 10,927 trips, he looked behind him.

J-Juliusss Foresht? The man behind him inquired. The words were wet withbooze; they fell out of the mans mouth onto the sidewalk with an almost audible splat.The man himself looked to be soaked in booze as well. He was clearly homeless, or atleast dressed as such. He wore two sweatshirts both of which were stained with what onewould hope to be ketchup. His skin was tanned and leathery. Erupting from the folds ofhis chin was a massive bundle of white whiskers. Again he addressed Julius.

Mind if I call you Jules?Julius was in a state of both fear and confusion. He did manage to cobble together aresponse for the homeless man after ten seconds of awkward silence.

NoAh thash too bad. I like Jules better.

Another lengthy silence fell over the two. Julius eyed the man from head to foot. Hestood only about four foot seven so it didnt take long. Julius made a note to buy a teaseror at least some pepper spray in the future then turned to leave.

Cause its how we measure energy ya know? In Jules.Uhh, yeah I guess its alrightEnergy, entropy, change, motion! the bums voice had become sharp and quick.Unable to think of anything clever Julius constructed this hasty response.Yep, thats what jules doThe bums face drooped a little YeahYoure right, it wouldnt fit.What wouldnt?Jules.Fit what?


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You!Oh.

Julius braved eye contact with the man for the first time. This was a little difficult. TheMans eyes were sunken deep in into his face. Julius noticed that the mans eyes had aglossy shine about them. It was the booze Julius reasoned but it still gave him the

impression that this man knew a lot more then he let on.Julius, The man broke the silence, I want you to walk a different way hometonight.

But I walk this way every night.I know.Who are you?Im your guardian angel. He said rather matter-of-factly, and you are Julius

Forest A grocer for fifteen years, married for ten, once turned down a promotion sevenyears ago

How did-?Richard Lancaster, guardian angle rank 27. He extended a dirty, calloused,

hand. Julius did not accept. Julius had decided that the man was crazy and pivoted 180degrees. He made it about four feet when he found himself face to face with the homelessman again. He was holding a crumpled piece of paper and a bic pen.

I need you to sssign thishSlowly Julius took the paper; he refused the bic when he saw the cap was chewed.I, Julius T. Forest., the paper began, Born Dec.23rd 5:38 CST Do herby

consent, of my own free will, any and all intervention by the powers that be. The goalof the powers intervention is to alleviate my self induced pointless existence which hassunk to such depths of despair that my only avenue of escape is religious intervention. Irecognize that if my situation remains stagnant then I have no one to blame but my owndamn self and had best adopt a better attitude.

Below the text was a spot for Julius to sign and date. Next to that was a picture ofa dove encircled by more text that Julius couldnt decipher.

Just sign it and we can really get started.to such depths of despair Julius repeated softly, I like my life, Im not

signing it! Julius finished strong.The homeless man let out a small groan and let his head fall into his hands. Just

once, he said through his hands, just once big guy, give me someone who hatesthemselvesYou are signing the damn paper! the man shoved a stubby finger at Julius.

Julius was cold, tired and sick of this crazy man. This was all starting to kindle afire in Julius. Not a large fire mind you, one composed mostly of scraps on newspaperand twigs generating only a few joules.

Now look here, The fire in Julius the voice of a perturbed Carry Grant, Im notsigning that. One: I dont think you are an angle. Two: even if you were why do you evenneed a form?! If you got access to heavenly powers why the red tape?

Well if this were 1820 or another country I could just zap you into the lesson butin America you have to do things by the book.

What book?The metaphorical one, now if you wont sign that one He reached into his

thick yellow sweatshirt and grabbed another crumpled page and handed to Julius.


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I Julius T.. Forest Born-, Julius skipped ahead, Having failed to accept the bitter truth,do herby consent, of my own free will, to any and all intervention by the powers thatbe. The stated goal of which is to open my eyes to the horrible state of my life. Uponrealizing said horribleness I will endeavor to change my ways. I recognize that if mysituation remains stagnant then I have no one to blame but my own damn self and had

best adopt a better attitude.This latest insult fanned the flames that had been burning in Julius. Perhaps theywere fanned a little too hard because Juliuss response was this: Fine, if itll get you offmy back. Julius scribbled on the paper with his own 15$ pen and handed it back toRichard.

Thank you. Richard said. He then tried to smooth out the paper on his arm,folded it into fourths and flung it into the air. The paper soared up and up and up until itwas lost form view.

Probably air currents. Julius thought.

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It's a Not So Wonderful Life