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the newspaper judges sit down with beers from Ontario’s best brewers to bring you our --. the newspaper THE UNIVERSITY OF TORONTO ’ S COMMUNITY NEWSPAPER VOL . XXXI NO . 25 INDEPENDENT SINCE 1978 APRIL 2 - 8 2009
Citation preview
the boozepaperTHE UNIVERSITY OF TORONTO’S COMMUNITY NEWSPAPER
INDEPENDENT SINCE 1978
the newspaper
APRIL 2 - 8 2009
VOL. XXXI NO. 25 write between the lines
24+
BOTTLES
REVIEWEDthe newspaper judges sit down with 42 beers from
Ontario’s best brewers to bring you our 2-4.
2 the newspaper April 2nd - April 8th, 2009
“Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol
than alcohol has taken out of me.”
-Winston Churchill
the inside
the mission statementthe newspaper is proud to be University of Toronto’s ONLY independent
community news source. We look to our readers and contributors to ensure we
provide a consistently superior product. Our purpose is to provide a voice for
university students, staff, faculty and U of T’s extended community.
This voice may at times be irreverent but it will never be irrelevant.
write between the lines
Administrative AssistantCaroline George
the newspaperPublisher
Matthew Pope
News EditorAshley Minuk
Arts EditorHelene Goderis
Copy EditorsElisabeth Bennett, Michelle Ferreira,
Arjun Lakkaraju
Layout & DesignHelene Goderis, Ali Sunderji
ContributorsDaniel Craig, Michelle Ferreira, Noah Gataveckas, Helene Goderis,
Peter Josselyn, Kevin McGahon, Elsbeth Moriarty, Tim Ryan
Associate EditorDaniel Craig, Ari Simha
Ads & [email protected]
THE TABLE OF CONTENTS
the front page . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
the inside . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
the editorial . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
the news . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
the arts . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
the puzzles . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
the end . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
1
2
3
4, 5
6, 7
8
8
the campus commentDANIEL PORTORARO
CALL FOR EDITORS
the newspaper will be holding its
annual editorial sta! elections on
Thursday, April 16th, 2009 @ 5pm
These are paid positions. Each requires a time
commitment of approximately 20 hours per week.
Anyone who has contributed three pieces this year
has a vote and should be present on voting day to
elect next year’s editors.
We welcome all hopefuls and look forward
to seeing you all on voting day.
OPEN
POSITIONS:
News Editor
Arts Editor
Anyone is eligible to run.
A Statement of Intent
and resume should be sent to
no later than April 9th.
In this time of economic turbulence, the newspaper asks: what is the most cost-e!ective beer for students?
Arathana Bowes, 1st year Neuroscience
“PBR? Or no, maybe Bavaria. Yeah.
Bavaria.”
$2.50/500 mL can at 7.9% Alcohol
Craig Kim, 2nd year Commerce
“Coors Light; many of my friends drink
it, we all like it, and it’s not too
expensive”
$9.95/6 x 355 mL cans at 4.0% Alcohol
Vince Messina, 2nd year Urban and
Economic Geography
“Coors Light; it’s good for its price.”
$9.95/6 x 355 mL cans at 4.0% Alcohol
Nikolaus Himmelman, 2nd year Geog
raphy
“Bavaria tall cans; they’re just really
cheap.”
$2.50/500 mL can at 7.9% Alcohol
Noah Bennett, 2nd year Political Science
“Wildcat Force; it’s $5 for a forty, and it’s
10% and tastes like crap.”
$5.00/1140 mL bottle at 10% Alcohol
William Schemmer, 2nd year Life Sciences
“Pabst Blue Ribbon; it’s cheap and it’s
not that terrible tasting”
$8.25/6 x 355 mL cans at 5.0% Alcohol
the newspaper 3April 2nd - April 8th, 2009
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Ah, the boozepaper. Highly
regarded as one of the most
anticipated issues of the year,
the boozepaper is many things
to many people. For some, it
occupies the minutes preceding
class with a few laughs, while
for others it occupies the entire
hour. Personally, it is an annual
reminder of how pedestrian the
vast majority of my beer con-
sumption tends to be. It o!ers 43
new potential favourites, ranging
in genre, taste and a!ordability.
For you, reading this article right
now, it o!ers an introduction
into the production and tasting
characteristics of the main types
of beer in this issue and at your
local beer store.
Lager (Pilsner) – The most
commonly brewed beer world-
wide, the lager-style pilsner beer
gained its popularity as it was
designed to be easily drinkable.
The domestic versions of these
beers are generally produced
using “noble” hops (the female
$ower cones of the hop plant),
essentially the highest quality
of hop which imparts delicate
tastes and aromas to the beer,
making it ino!ensive to the
common consumer and ideal
for keg-stands. To get your
hands on a more $avourful and
robust pilsner, you generally
have to buy micro-brewery
beer, as they use more gen-
erous amounts of these noble
hops in addition to a variety
of other $avours and spices
individual to each producer.
Ale – Like lagers, hops are
used to make ales; however,
ales are distinguished by their
yeast. Ale yeast ferments at
higher temperatures; because
of this, the yeast produces
more esters and other sec-
ondary $avour and aroma
products leading to a more full-
bodied beer relative to lagers.
Ales also take a shorter time to
produce because, at the higher
fermentation temperatures,
the yeast is more active and
produces alcohol much more
quickly.
Wheat Beer – There has been a
recent resurgence of wheat beers
into the mainstream with
Rickard’s and Alexander
Keith’s shoving major marketing
campaigns down our throats
in an e!ort to promote their
new wheat or “white” beers.
These beers are produced using
wheat in addition to barley. The
resulting beer contains a mixture
of wheat malt and barley malt in
a 2:1 ratio giving the beers a soft
and fruity taste to accompany
their pale white colour. Often,
fruits are actually added to the
brewing process, further intensi-
fying sweet undertones to these
beers.
Now take this newfound
information and explore the
beer reviews, select a few of
the favourites and try them this
weekend.
Tim Ryan is a former Associate Editor and esteemed boozepaper alum.
the judges how our judges quali&ed for their position
Kevin McGahonI’m overquali&ed. I showed up 10 min-
utes early, I’m Irish, I was a bartender and was conceived in a brewery. Beer me!
Noah GataveckasAs a self-taught connoisseur of the malted
hop, my expertise lies in the monumental exposure I've had to alcoholic beverages over
the course of my 24 years. Over time, I de-veloped a "sixth sense," if you will, for tasting brews through this rigorous history. Thus I
stand as an exemplary example of good taste in beer, whose recommendations should be
heeded at all costs.
Michelle Ferreira My extensive, albeit unintentional,
“pub tour” of the UK in the summer of ‘06 along with the subsequent consumption of copious amounts of weird, yet enticing, Scottish and British beers makes me more
than quali&ed to sample and judge, for the bene&t of all, the beverages herein.
Helene GoderisBecause I’m Belgian.
Daniel CraigAlmost 10 years of heavy drinking and a
sensitive gag re$ex that is particularly sensi-tive to bad beers.
Ari SimhaI’m better quali&ed to write on the subject
of alcohol than I would care to admit. Having bartended for many years in a variety of es-
tablishments from the lowly nightclub to the swankiest martini haunt, I know the di!er-
ence between an ale and a lager as well as my subjunctive from my transitive. Though an
accomplished all-around ‘alconaut’ the careful ‘conspicuous’ consumption of so many beers is
for me a new endeavor.
Our council of brew-guzzling judges
sat down and rated 42 beers. They
picked the most memorable to bring
you the boozepaper 2-4. Their results
are on the following pages...
4 the newspaper April 2nd - April 8th, 2009
beer’beer’
beer’
beer’
beer’beer’
beer’ beer’beer’
Red Leaf Lager 2.5
“Bold, smooth. A !ne
beer for both work and
play. Ideal for drinking in
absorbent
quantities.”
Noah
“It’ll keep the meat on
your bones. A good mar-
inade.
Seriously.”
Ari
beer’
Steelback Light 3.5
”It looked like a mad
scientist made it. Tastes
surprisingly very good. I’d
get drunk on it. Wouldn’t
want 2 C it come back out
tho.”
Kevin
“I’m a fan of dark,
"avourful beers, so this is
something I would drink
regularly.”
Michelle
“It’s dark. Like the
under lord.”
Helene
beer’
Steelback Tiverton Dark 3.5
“A nice, water-like beer
in texture and colouring. A
mouthful of freshness.”
Noah
“I taste summer!! And
it not the girl I meet back-
packing in Europe.”
Kevin
beer’
Devil’s Pale Ale 666 3
“Ideal for accompanying
pretzels and sausages at
a Blue Jay’s game.”
Noah
“Bitter, but not com-
plex.”
Ari
beer’
Steamwhistle Pilsner 2.5
“Mediocre at !rst, but
the aftertaste is surpris-
ingly
redeeming. Hints of oak,
acorn and pine.”
Noah
“Tastes like a beer Wal-
Mart would make. Cheap!!
I’d still get drunk on it the
day before payday.”
Kevin
beer’
Green Tea Ale 3
“Grainy, dandylion tea,
slight honey undertone.
Could only drink one but
I’d pair it as carefully as I
would a wine.”
Ari
“Pretty weak. Far too
sweet, with too much
inner-con"ict. Only for the
drunk
and the lonely.”
Noah
beer’
Muskoka Cream Ale 2.5
“This beer has
no sense of humour.”
Peter
“Penten. Pretech.
Pretenshus.”
Kevin
beer’
Muskoka Dark Ale 2
“Nice dark beer. Very
crisp and
smells smokey.”
Michelle
“Dark, smooth and
ready. Hints of roast and
summertime. Perhaps a
tad too shadowy though.”
Noah
beer’
Black Oak Pale Ale 4
“Zeus himself would
guzzle this from his
diamond-encrusted
chalice.”
Noah
“Makes me want to bang
my girlfriend outside. But
!rst, I’m gonna get her to
drink this beer. ‘No hunny, I
didn’t bring a lemon.’”
Kevin
beer’ beer’beer’
Lug Treat Lagered Ale 2
“Crisp and delightful,
like a fall day.”
Peter
“There’s a sharpness to
it, but behind the scenes,
this beer is just trying to
hide its own shortcoming.”
Noah
beer’
King Pilsner 2.5
“Can I smoke this beer?
Cheech and Chong made
this stu$.”
Kevin
“Flavorful and well-
crafted. A fruity and hoppy
ale.”
Peter
beer’beer’
Curmudgeon 2
“At odds with itself. This
beer needs to center its chi
if it hopes to reach beer-
drinkers nirvana.”
Noah
“Coppery nose. Deeply
bitter up front, but doesn’t
linger.”
Ari
the newspaper 5April 2nd - April 8th, 2009
beer’ beer’
beer’beer’
beer’
beer’
beer’
beer’ beer’beer’
Elora Special Bitter 2
“Piercing and shrewd.
With an enigmatic after-
taste, this beer is destined
to haunt the tastebuds for
days after
imbibing.”
Noah
“Smells like honey.
Tastes like dead bees.”
Ari
beer’Paddy’s Ale 1
“Popular amongst the
glue-sni!ng crowd.”
Helene
“Passive and easy. Like
the last one, lacking utter
presence and a"ecting
nothing but the manufac-
tured taste
of inaptitude.”
Noah
beer’Abbey Belgian Ale 4
“Bohemian and peaceful.
If it is the dawning of the
Age of Aquarius, then this
beer deserves to be wor-
shipped for
the diety it is.”
Noah
“Like my penis: tastes
great, less #lling with no
aftertaste.”
Kevin
beer’Elora Irish Ale 2
“Sweat and glue”
Ari
“This could help get you
in the zone. The comfort
zone.”
Helene
”Tasty at #rst, but not
memorable in the long
run. Like a shocking piece
of art, this beer’s charm
runs out after the second
viewing.”
Noah
beer’Buzz 3
“Blank in its disposition
and fortitude. Without de-
#ning continents, this beer
lends itself to young and
mumbles.”
Noah
“Tastes like your mom.”
Helene
beer’
Cool Blonde Lager 4
“Clean, fresh and con-
sisting of meaningful
$avours, this beer is enjoy-
able. It inspires the tongue
to sing.”
Noah
“Frat party in your
mouth.”
Ari
beer’
10W30 2.5
“Dark and rich with the
full embodiment of $avour.
A #ne selection to exhibit
the virtues of almond and
dark roast.”
Noah
“Surprisingly watery
taste for a dark beer. Dark
beer should not be watery.
I know it, you know it, the
American people know it.”
Dan
beer’Mill Street Organic 2
“I’ve heard of this stu".
I think it’s free range beer.
Like they used to make it
back in the olden days.”
Kevin
“Loose and light, this
beer plays fast and easy
with its
$avour. It fumbles the
ball right o" the snap.”
Noah
beer’Mill Street Tank House 3
“Aromatic, very strong, a
serious beer drinker’s beer.
Not for chugging!”
Michelle
“Full of sweet vigour,
mixing the good vibrations
of amber with the mellow
substance of #ne narley. An
able candidate to become
President of the United
States of Beer.”
Noah
beer’Cameron’s Lager 3.5
“This tastes like watered
down Ein-stein’s lager. And
that s*** is watered down
to begin with.”
Dan
“Drinkable, in a good
way.”
Ari
beer’beer’
Hoptical Illusion 3
“Not bad, not bad. I com-
mend this beer’s inventor
for knowing the general
constitution of quality
craftsmanship. A little more
details, however, would be
nice.”
Noah
“Man, did that go down
easy. Like my date on prom
night.”
Kevin
beer’beer’Celtic Irish Ale 2.5
“Q: Why did the chicken
cross the road
A: NOT to drink this
beer.”
Noah
“Once you go dark, you
never go back.”
Helene
Photos: Zach Slootsky
6 the newspaper April 2nd - April 8th, 2009
DANIEL CRAIG
Newspaper Sta�
In hot water over !re water
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In many ways the future of
serving alcohol in Ontario is
being played out in a courtroom
in Bracebridge, Ontario. The
case at hand involves drinking
and driving, but it also involves
young, student-aged bartenders
to be possibly convicted on very
serious, though non-criminal,
charges. Anyone who works, or
is planning on working in a bar
this summer, should pay close
attention.
Last July, Tyler Mulcahy, Cory
Mintz, and Kourosh Totonchian
died in a fatal car accident in the
Muskoka Lakes District. Mulcahy’s
Audi became partially sub-
merged in a nearby river after it
broke through a guardrail at high
speeds. The lone survivor, Nas-
tasia Elzinga, managed to crawl
to safety and get help, but her
three friends were not so lucky.
Earlier that afternoon, the group
was served what some would
call copious amounts of alcohol
at the Water’s Edge restaurant, a
part of the Lake Joseph Club.
The OPP, in conjunction with
the Alcohol and Gaming Com-
mission of Ontario, has pressed
charges against an unpreced-
ented 16 employees from
multiple levels of the ClubLink
corporation which owns the Lake
Joseph golf club. The accused
range from majority ClubLink
shareholder Kuldip Sahi and bar
manager Walter Moon, all the
way down to the two bartenders
who were working on the day of
the crash.
Charges against two of the
accused were dropped after it
was revealed that they were no
longer working for ClubLink at
the time of the incident. The
14 remaining defendants face
!nes of up to $100,000 or up to
12 months in prison. Addition-
ally, ClubLink could lose its
liquor license at the Lake Joseph
Club and faces a !ne of up to
$250,000.
Although there is little doubt
that bars of all types in Ontario
will be paying close attention to
this trial, Club Joe – the locals’
name for the golf club – is not
your average watering hole. With
professional hockey players like
Darcy Tucker counted among the
several millionaire members of
Club Joe, it often can be dif-
!cult to ‘cut people o(’ from the
alcohol supply.
There has been an ongoing
culture of irresponsible serving
practices in part because of the
status of some of their members,
says a Water’s Edge employee
of 3 years who has chosen to
remain unnamed. Our source
was not working at the time of
the incident but said, “You don’t
want to upset the members,
because if they get pissed o(
you can lose your job.” Making it
even more di*cult for servers to
draw the line, the idea of keeping
the liquor +owing to keep the
members happy was reinforced
by management at the club.
Who will take the fall for all
these charges is yet to be known,
but chances are that bartenders
will take a hit. Being a bartender,
our source has mixed feelings
about fellow servers facing the
chopping block. However, given
their history of reluctance to ‘cut
people o(,’ Club Joe ought to be
sent a message: “These are young
people being charged, yes, but
the culture there is messed up.
Club Joe needs to be shocked to
prevent something like this from
happening in the future.”
Serving booze for a summer
job is great money. After wages,
there is a potential to make
notable sums of cash in tips,
especially at high-rolling estab-
lishments like the Lake Joseph
Club. However, students need
to be sure they are protected. If
you think that someone should
be cut o( but your manager suc-
cessfully encourages you to keep
serving, you could be on the
hook – for $100,000 or a full year
in jail, not to mention the guilt
associated with a potential drunk
driving scenario. No amount of
tips can cover a cost like that.
Club Joe serves up controversy
Day boozing
ELSBETH MORIARTY
Newspaper Sta�
Ode to a drunken afternoon
the news
As the seal breaks on winter
and bursts of hopeful, warm
temperatures grace the less
disillusioned Toronto masses,
!ve o’clock can hit and you may
not actually have the urge to
run home and assume the fetal
position.
With the newfound extension
of daylight comes myriad options
of what to do after school or
work. Some opt for healthy, soul-
enriching activities like walking,
running, or group sports. Others
– and it is to you that I address
this homage – say , ‘Fuck it. Let’s
get drunk.’
Drinking during the day is a
fun and exciting pastime that
often gets overlooked, either
due to indi(erence or shame.
While staggering on the subway
may seem more socially accept-
able on a Friday night than, say,
mid-afternoon on a Tuesday, the
simple pleasures of the afternoon
bender can make looking like an
alcoholic worth all the while.
Getting drunk during the day
bears a number of advantages.
When you go out drinking at
night, there is usually a con-
siderable break between your
busy day and your evening
debauchery. While some might
argue that this provides a neces-
sary decompression period, I for
one enjoy the novel lack of transi-
tion between serious daytime
self and silly wasted self. The
stresses of the day are instantly
drowned in a pint, and suddenly,
nothing seems as consequential
or worrying as it did only minutes
before.
There is also a certain cama-
raderie that comes with daytime
drinkers; if you happen to be
in a lively, student pub where
everyone is saying a communal
‘Fuck It’ to the constraints of
responsibility, the mood is light
and spontaneous, and you often
experience a happier, more in-
tense drunk than you would, had
you spent an hour getting ready
for an anticipated night out.
Another nice thing about
daytime drinking, especially in a
climate like ours, is that !nding
your way home can be that much
easier. With spring upon us, the
extra degrees of warmth that
accompany daytime can inspire a
long, stumbly drunk walk home
through the pleasant sunshine,
letting you spend your extra cash
on drinks, rather than pesky cab
fare.
While getting yourself to
your bed can seem complicated
and pricey after a long night of
boozing, the daylight provides a
safe and cheap haven for those
who would otherwise be wary
of lurching home alone through
dark and scary city streets.
Lastly, getting wasted during
the day boasts the serious
advantage of not having to worry
about the dreaded morning after.
(Unless you brought someone
random home; in that case,
you’re on your own). Hangovers
are easily avoided when you
have your last drink at dusk,
rather than at, say, 2 a.m. As long
as you get some greasy in you
after leaving the bar, which is
pretty much a given anyways,
and pound back a glass or two of
water, the likelihood of waking
up ill is far reduced.
Falling asleep at !ve o’clock,
which is again, highly probable
after an afternoon of drinking,
means that you get to wake up
refreshed and cheerful – ready
for another bright and sunny day
of boozing. Enjoy!
Photo: Ashley Minuk
the newspaper 7April 2nd - April 8th, 2009
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BISTRO 422
The surly servers will test your
social patience, but once the
drinks arrive, the hassle is worth
it. With $9 pitchers of beer and
$12 mini-pitcher of a mixed drink,
Bistro is easy on the wallet and
good on the gut. Try the fries.
Located near the intersec-
tion of Bathurst and College, it’s
close to campus and close to the
Sneaky Dee’s late night kitchen.
It’s downstairs from the sidewalk,
narrow inside, but it boasts a
smoke-friendly, heated patio.
If you hit Bistro on Thursday,
one drink will buy you a ra#e
ticket. If you’re lucky, you win
more drinks. Chicken wings
are half price on Wednesdays
and their nachos are $4.50 on
Mondays.
The Bistro has been dubbed
‘the Beast’ for its hole-in-the-wall
reputation; but of all the dives in
the city, it’s the cheapest, most
accessible, most charming and
most devoid of crack heads.
EIN-STEIN’S
Located at 229 College across
from the U of T Bookstore,
Ein-stein’s has been serving U of
T students and stragglers alike
since 1996.
Not only is this bar in your
‘hood, it serves $10 pitchers of
house beer and carries a solid
menu, including fried pickles and
a $3 basket of fries.
Show up on Sundays to shoot
some free pool on their two
tables (a good thing for those
of us who are trying to improve
Bar reviews Where to pound itDANIEL CRAIG AND
HELENE GODERIS
Newspaper Sta�
the arts
our break). The games room has
a foosball table should you wish
to take on your superior-skilled
friends.
Ein-stein’s also boasts an array
of colorful regulars, from Hoser to
the Latvian triplets to engineers
in blue coveralls.
Bar service is for the most part
friendly.
GSU PUB
For my +rst couple of years
spent at U of T I was under the
impression that the Grad Stu-
dent’s Union Pub was exclusive
to grad students. I have lately dis-
covered that this is not the case
and it actually is a very pleasant
place to have a few pints.
Boasting one of the only free
sources of popcorn on campus
(everyday from 6 - 9) and a
basketball court, this pub is
open to undergrads and other
pedestrians provided that you
behave yourself. Specials include:
free pool on Tues. and Thurs.
from 6 - closing (usually around
midnight), a rock band feature on
the last Wed. of every month, and
$12.25 for a sophisticated pitcher
of GSU Lager.
RONNIE’S
The din of the patio crowd
at Ronnie’s can be heard while
walking in Kensington Market
as the weather gets warmer this
time of year. Situated at Augusta
and Nassau, Ronnie’s has a cozy
interior and a sprawling patio.
Bartenders here are the best,
because they’re super liberal with
the amount of booze they put in
your mixed drinks.
the newspaper sta/ enjoy a cold one outside the GSU Pub after a
hard day’s work
Photo: Helene Goderis
8 the newspaper April 2nd - April 8th, 2009
the end the jumblerBY: ASHLEY MINUK Unscramble the letters to form
common words.
Use the letters in the
highlighted boxes to answer
the riddle!
Place the 12 letters provided into the grid in order to create
EIGHT common four-letter words; 4 horizontal & 4 vertical.
the four-wordBY: ANDREW GYORKOS
SNOBI
YERNT
ASNAVC
TEZALO
What you call the U of T football team the
night after a tough loss
E
L
E
T
D, E, E, G,
I, N, O, R,
S, S, T, U