Intimate Relationships for Adolescents

8/2/2019 Intimate Relationships for Adolescents

1/33

Intimate RelationshipsFor Adolescents and

Young Adults
http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://rifat.najmi.org/images/artworks/teenagers-in-love.jpg&imgrefurl=http://rifat.najmi.org/artworks/teenagers-in-love/&usg=__WYoLk6a0klfK0yqaLgY3DQJW3gs=&h=750&w=562&sz=38&hl=en&start=9&zoom=1&itbs=1&tbnid=7aakPhpCQIISWM:&tbnh=141&tbnw=106&prev=/images?q=teenagers+in+love&hl=en&gbv=2&tbs=isch:1http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c3-yr4jv32shttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c3-yr4jv32shttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c3-yr4jv32s


2/33

Learning Goals

Students will. know Knapps model of relationships

know Ducks Phases of Relationship Termination

consider the implications of cyber-technology onthe redefinition of and practice of friendship andfriendship communication

reflect on their own personal challenges indeveloping and sustaining friendships andintimate relationships


3/33
http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://tfwiki.net/w2/images2/b/be/SandstormOctane_BFF.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.otca.com.au/boards/showthread.php?p=142281&usg=__NS2jGU8p0dKb3mgcXiOCiU30-Pg=&h=384&w=364&sz=43&hl=en&start=6&zoom=1&itbs=1&tbnid=fwLHlqDG9VbsBM:&tbnh=123&tbnw=117&prev=/images?q=crosscultural+friends&hl=en&sa=G&gbv=2&tbs=isch:1http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://lh3.ggpht.com/_jnXGmRX3uJY/R1oKbbhvRQI/AAAAAAAAAqw/mwoqTylV9pY/100_0593.jpg&imgrefurl=http://picasaweb.google.com/lh/photo/bHlrzKDDQJx6bIr9gpUSgw&usg=__u6OkHMYgLX2uO0GGBN2vgEzXMyo=&h=1200&w=1600&sz=255&hl=en&start=5&zoom=0&itbs=1&tbnid=1YqE-X_C-DfXlM:&tbnh=113&tbnw=150&prev=/images?q=crosscultural+friends&hl=en&sa=G&gbv=2&tbs=isch:1http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://tfwiki.net/w2/images2/b/be/SandstormOctane_BFF.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.otca.com.au/boards/showthread.php?p=142281&usg=__NS2jGU8p0dKb3mgcXiOCiU30-Pg=&h=384&w=364&sz=43&hl=en&start=6&zoom=1&itbs=1&tbnid=fwLHlqDG9VbsBM:&tbnh=123&tbnw=117&prev=/images?q=crosscultural+friends&hl=en&sa=G&gbv=2&tbs=isch:1http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://janeheller.mlblogs.com/friends.jpg&imgrefurl=http://janeheller.mlblogs.com/archives/2009/04/&usg=__fJtPTonylIl9TEx0pCE-xVKRN9E=&h=375&w=470&sz=41&hl=en&start=1&zoom=1&itbs=1&tbnid=pFdP9s5X9LLQRM:&tbnh=103&tbnw=129&prev=/images?q=friends&hl=en&sa=G&gbv=2&tbs=isch:1


4/33

The Nature of Friendship

Deliberate, voluntary relationships we enterinto with people with whom we sharecommon traits, shared experiences, or jointgoals

Needs a degree of trust, mutual affinity, andreciprocity

What is a friend?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Xo1U6PrPv0
http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://tfwiki.net/w2/images2/b/be/SandstormOctane_BFF.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.otca.com.au/boards/showthread.php?p=142281&usg=__NS2jGU8p0dKb3mgcXiOCiU30-Pg=&h=384&w=364&sz=43&hl=en&start=6&zoom=1&itbs=1&tbnid=fwLHlqDG9VbsBM:&tbnh=123&tbnw=117&prev=/images?q=crosscultural+friends&hl=en&sa=G&gbv=2&tbs=isch:1http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://tfwiki.net/w2/images2/b/be/SandstormOctane_BFF.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.otca.com.au/boards/showthread.php?p=142281&usg=__NS2jGU8p0dKb3mgcXiOCiU30-Pg=&h=384&w=364&sz=43&hl=en&start=6&zoom=1&itbs=1&tbnid=fwLHlqDG9VbsBM:&tbnh=123&tbnw=117&prev=/images?q=crosscultural+friends&hl=en&sa=G&gbv=2&tbs=isch:1http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://tfwiki.net/w2/images2/b/be/SandstormOctane_BFF.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.otca.com.au/boards/showthread.php?p=142281&usg=__NS2jGU8p0dKb3mgcXiOCiU30-Pg=&h=384&w=364&sz=43&hl=en&start=6&zoom=1&itbs=1&tbnid=fwLHlqDG9VbsBM:&tbnh=123&tbnw=117&prev=/images?q=crosscultural+friends&hl=en&sa=G&gbv=2&tbs=isch:1http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://tfwiki.net/w2/images2/b/be/SandstormOctane_BFF.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.otca.com.au/boards/showthread.php?p=142281&usg=__NS2jGU8p0dKb3mgcXiOCiU30-Pg=&h=384&w=364&sz=43&hl=en&start=6&zoom=1&itbs=1&tbnid=fwLHlqDG9VbsBM:&tbnh=123&tbnw=117&prev=/images?q=crosscultural+friends&hl=en&sa=G&gbv=2&tbs=isch:1http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://tfwiki.net/w2/images2/b/be/SandstormOctane_BFF.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.otca.com.au/boards/showthread.php?p=142281&usg=__NS2jGU8p0dKb3mgcXiOCiU30-Pg=&h=384&w=364&sz=43&hl=en&start=6&zoom=1&itbs=1&tbnid=fwLHlqDG9VbsBM:&tbnh=123&tbnw=117&prev=/images?q=crosscultural+friends&hl=en&sa=G&gbv=2&tbs=isch:1http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://tfwiki.net/w2/images2/b/be/SandstormOctane_BFF.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.otca.com.au/boards/showthread.php?p=142281&usg=__NS2jGU8p0dKb3mgcXiOCiU30-Pg=&h=384&w=364&sz=43&hl=en&start=6&zoom=1&itbs=1&tbnid=fwLHlqDG9VbsBM:&tbnh=123&tbnw=117&prev=/images?q=crosscultural+friends&hl=en&sa=G&gbv=2&tbs=isch:1http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://tfwiki.net/w2/images2/b/be/SandstormOctane_BFF.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.otca.com.au/boards/showthread.php?p=142281&usg=__NS2jGU8p0dKb3mgcXiOCiU30-Pg=&h=384&w=364&sz=43&hl=en&start=6&zoom=1&itbs=1&tbnid=fwLHlqDG9VbsBM:&tbnh=123&tbnw=117&prev=/images?q=crosscultural+friends&hl=en&sa=G&gbv=2&tbs=isch:1http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://tfwiki.net/w2/images2/b/be/SandstormOctane_BFF.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.otca.com.au/boards/showthread.php?p=142281&usg=__NS2jGU8p0dKb3mgcXiOCiU30-Pg=&h=384&w=364&sz=43&hl=en&start=6&zoom=1&itbs=1&tbnid=fwLHlqDG9VbsBM:&tbnh=123&tbnw=117&prev=/images?q=crosscultural+friends&hl=en&sa=G&gbv=2&tbs=isch:1http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://tfwiki.net/w2/images2/b/be/SandstormOctane_BFF.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.otca.com.au/boards/showthread.php?p=142281&usg=__NS2jGU8p0dKb3mgcXiOCiU30-Pg=&h=384&w=364&sz=43&hl=en&start=6&zoom=1&itbs=1&tbnid=fwLHlqDG9VbsBM:&tbnh=123&tbnw=117&prev=/images?q=crosscultural+friends&hl=en&sa=G&gbv=2&tbs=isch:1http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://tfwiki.net/w2/images2/b/be/SandstormOctane_BFF.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.otca.com.au/boards/showthread.php?p=142281&usg=__NS2jGU8p0dKb3mgcXiOCiU30-Pg=&h=384&w=364&sz=43&hl=en&start=6&zoom=1&itbs=1&tbnid=fwLHlqDG9VbsBM:&tbnh=123&tbnw=117&prev=/images?q=crosscultural+friends&hl=en&sa=G&gbv=2&tbs=isch:1http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Xo1U6PrPv0http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Xo1U6PrPv0http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Xo1U6PrPv0http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Xo1U6PrPv0http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Xo1U6PrPv0


5/33

Rawlins Stages of Friendship

Development Role-limited Interaction

Friendly Relations

Moves Toward Friendship http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k0xgjUh

EG3U

Nascent Friendship Stabilized Friendship

Waning Friendship
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k0xgjUhEG3Uhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k0xgjUhEG3Uhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k0xgjUhEG3Uhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k0xgjUhEG3U


6/33

Sheehys Stages of Friendship

Formation (for Women) Attraction Initiating Structuring

Comfort Strengthening Testing Commitment

Are these stages thesame for Men?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-NyvG_d4fRI
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-NyvG_d4fRIhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-NyvG_d4fRIhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-NyvG_d4fRIhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-NyvG_d4fRIhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-NyvG_d4fRIhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-NyvG_d4fRI


7/33

Influences on Friendship

Cultural Influences

Cultures affect what it means to be a friend

Cultures affect communication that shows

friendship Intercultural friendships are more difficult to

form and sustain

Cultures often encourage same-sex

friendships

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=seblkkKosXk
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=seblkkKosXkhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=seblkkKosXkhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=seblkkKosXkhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=seblkkKosXk


8/33

Influences on Friendship

Contextual Influences

Friendship development online

Much more common today

Development of on-line and off-line friendshipsdiffer

The longer the friendship the more the medium isnot a factor

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sw-saZ95OgY

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ppLFce5uZ3I

Work-based Friendship

Blended friendships difficult but common
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sw-saZ95OgYhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ppLFce5uZ3Ihttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ppLFce5uZ3Ihttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sw-saZ95OgYhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sw-saZ95OgYhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sw-saZ95OgY


9/33
http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://sitemaker.umich.edu/psy457_lamyiu/files/wedding_ring.jpg&imgrefurl=http://sitemaker.umich.edu/psy457_lamyiu/commitment&usg=__-pOo7Pu7c8cV5fixEeYO8f8FdaU=&h=318&w=426&sz=35&hl=en&start=6&zoom=1&itbs=1&tbnid=9eB39vo8mk3jZM:&tbnh=94&tbnw=126&prev=/images?q=romantic+relationships&hl=en&sa=G&gbv=2&tbs=isch:1http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://kerriesmyres.typepad.com/photos/uncategorized/2007/06/15/chronic_illness_marriage.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.thedailyheadache.com/2007/06/relationships_i.html&usg=__cCY7KxuVKDTnZchPXNol7Zd02pU=&h=300&w=213&sz=9&hl=en&start=2&zoom=1&itbs=1&tbnid=McyU40Gd8_EWQM:&tbnh=116&tbnw=82&prev=/images?q=romantic+relationships&hl=en&sa=G&gbv=2&tbs=isch:1


10/33

Turning Points

Most relationships progress through a series ofstages marked by critical events

These events are called turning points atransformative event that alters the relationshipin some way Intrapersonal -- how we think about the relationship

// how we see ourselves

Dyadic how we interact with the other

Social network interactions connections we makewith important others

Circumstantial life events important life events thataffect the relationship


11/33

Discussion

Do people in relationships see the sameevents as turning points in therelationship?

Are there gender differences in theseperceptions?

Are there generational differences in theseperceptions?

What impact does it have on arelationship if people do NOT seeturning points the same way?


12/33

Stages of RelationalDevelopment and TerminationKnapps Theory of Relational

Development

Stages of Coming Together

Stages of Coming Apart

Stages are not necessarily linear Some stages are skipped

Some stages happen in different orders

Stages can be repeated

Stages have communicative markers


13/33

Coming Together

Initiating

Experimenting

Intensifying

Integrating

Bonding

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LYS5JtIjA-M
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LYS5JtIjA-Mhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LYS5JtIjA-Mhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LYS5JtIjA-Mhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LYS5JtIjA-Mhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LYS5JtIjA-Mhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LYS5JtIjA-M


14/33

Initiating

Just beginning to know one another

First encounters

Focus on presenting self as attractive

How ya doing?

Fine. You?


15/33

Experimenting

Trying to discover the unknown

Establish whether there is interest informing a deeper relationship

Exchange demographic information, lookfor common interests; small talk

Oh, you like to ski? So do I

Really? Where do you go?


16/33

Intensifying

Become close friends

Greater sense of awareness of andparticipation in the relationship

Informal forms of address; we

references

Nonverbal decoding sophistication

I think I love you.

I love you, too!


17/33

Integrating

Cross from non-intimate to intimaterelationship

Cultivate and emphasize common

interests and shared activities

Exchange intimacy symbols; shareproperty

I feel so much a part of you. Yeah, we are like one person.


18/33

Bonding

Formalized public commitment

I want to be with you always

Lets get married.
http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://www.axelhotels.com/live/wp-content/uploads/2009/12/Gay+Marriages+Begin+California+CBea0_rJdq7l.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.axelhotels.com/live/same-sex-marriage-a-basic-civil-right/&usg=__4-h3CEHG2IxAb7weqclGDMyY6f0=&h=441&w=594&sz=47&hl=en&start=5&zoom=1&itbs=1&tbnid=xYqlkAq2uwjQpM:&tbnh=100&tbnw=135&prev=/images?q=gay+marriages&hl=en&sa=G&gbv=2&tbs=isch:1


19/33

Coming Apart

Differentiating

Circumscribing

Stagnating

Avoiding

Terminating


20/33

Differentiating

Become more aware of and focus ondifferences

Communication focuses on differences,

not similarities

Less WE and more ME

I just dont like big social gatherings.

Sometimes, I just dont understand you.This is one way Im not like you at all!


21/33

Circumscribing

Constriction of communication; less opencommunication

Partners question the relationship

Reduction of topics according to breadthand depth

Did you have a good time on your trip?

What time will dinner be ready?


22/33

Stagnating

Much distance between partners

Just co-existing, often for practicalreasons

Cautious language choices and topicavoidance

Use of formal or polite forms of speech

What is there to talk about?

Right, I know what youre going to say and

you know what Im going to say.


23/33

Avoiding

Elimination of face-to-face andvoice-to-voice communication

Communication limited to

unavoidable situations and isbrief, direct, and to the point

Im so busy, I just dont know

when Ill be able to see you. If Im not around when you try,

youll understand.
http://www.samedaymarriage.com/divorce/images/divorce5.jpg


24/33

Terminating

Complete and formal dissolution of therelationship

Public announcement of the termination

of the relationship Im leaving you. And dont bother to try and

contact me.

Dont worry.
http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_GUzNOgzLqw4/TECwTVFDItI/AAAAAAAAAFk/EhP9Df3MH0g/s1600/Divorce%20Decree.jpg&imgrefurl=http://bauerfamilylaw.blogspot.com/&usg=__jplOsqERMyRbnqYLV2JsNNBG2RA=&h=466&w=366&sz=35&hl=en&start=7&zoom=1&itbs=1&tbnid=uWNMi6A7Q0IXkM:&tbnh=128&tbnw=101&prev=/images?q=divorce&hl=en&sa=G&gbv=2&tbs=isch:1


25/33

Walk Around Activity

Around the room you will see posterscorresponding to each of the stages ofComing Together and Coming Apart

First -- Go to the Coming Together stagethat you find most difficult to do.

Once there, talk with others in your groupabout:

What makes this stage of a relationship difficultfor you

What communication skills would help you do itbetter.


26/33

Walk Around Activity Second Stage Second -- Go to the Coming Apart

stage that you find most difficult to do.

Once there, talk with others in your

group about: What makes this stage of a relationship

difficult for you

What communication skills would help you

do it better. If you were to go through this stage again,

what could you do to make it easier??


27/33

Ducks Phases of Relational

Termination

Initial Breakdown Phase

Intra-Psychic Phase

Dyadic Phase

Social Phase

Grave Dressing Phase


28/33

Initial Breakdown

Dissatisfaction with relationship

Strain toward triviality

Increased tension between involvementand independence

Decrease and/or absence of supportfrom others

50% Rule


29/33

Intra-Psychic

Evaluate partners behavior; assess

adequacy

Weigh pros and cons of relationship

Consider costs of withdrawal

Assess positive aspects of alternativerelationships

Debate whether to share or repressfeelings


30/33

Dyadic

Confront partner and talk aboutrelationship

Attempt repair and reconciliation

Assess joint costs of withdrawal orreduced intimacy


31/33

Social

Negotiate post-dissolution state withpartner

Initiate discussion in social network

Create publicly negotiable face-savingand blame-placing stories

Consider and deal with implied social

network effects, if any


32/33

Grave Dressing

Getting over it activities

Retrospection

Reformulate the other as the cause ofthe break-up

Public distribution of own version ofbreak-up story


33/33

Ending Relationships

How difficult is it for you to endrelationships?

If someone is going to end a relationship

WITH YOU, how would you like it to bedone?

If someone is going to end a relationshipWITH YOU, how do you NOT want it to

be done? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G2EI

TGxD4Go
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G2EITGxD4Gohttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G2EITGxD4Gohttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G2EITGxD4Gohttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G2EITGxD4Go

Documents

Intimate Relationships for Adolescents