Interpersonal RelationshipsIncreasing Interpersonal Success

Through Self-Awareness

Avril Z DaleyHelen Stills Professional Development Day

Montego Bay2008

Overview

• Understand of the nature of relationships. • Understand how strong interpersonal skills will

magnify your personal power • Explore your interpersonal behaviours• Analyze various communication styles and

recognizing your own • Provide strategies for effectively interacting with

communication styles different from yours • Build skills in conflict prevention and

management, and • Consider behavioural standards that guide

relationships

Ms. Jones

• Ms. Jones and Ms. James are Science teachers in a High School. Ms. James would leave most of the departmental duties for Ms Jones to perform. Ms. James usually criticize her teaching style and her ideas in the departmental meetings. Ms. Jones & Ms. James have been in charge of the entry for the National Science Fair for the past 3 years. Ms Jones receives no help from Ms. James and very limited help from the other science teachers. When the school won the award last year for most outstanding amateur alternative heating source, Ms. James, took all the accolades without acknowledging Ms Jones’ hard work. Ms. James is now head of the Science Department and she is now even more critical and insulting. Ms Jones felt slighted as she is the one who has done most of the work in the Department for the past 5 years. Ms Jones should…

• Dealing with interpersonal relationships is a complex subject

• The interpersonal relationships between students and teachers, teachers and other teachers, teachers and administrators, school staff personnel, parents, and community members are vital for creating a positive successful learning environment for all students.

• The duty of school administrators is to identify, encourage, and maintain behaviours that are associated with the modeling and nurturing of interpersonal relationships that encourage student and teacher success.

• They also have the obligation to identify, address, and change negative behaviours that inhibit positive student progress.

• Your ability, as a campus leader to weaken and eliminate negativity while nurturing and feeding the positive aspects of interpersonal relationships, requires that you have the knowledge and ability to plan for and implement the intentional expectation of accentuating the positive for the good of all teachers and students.

• No matter how hard you work or how many brilliant ideas you may have, if you can’t connect with the people who work around you, your professional life will suffer.

•Team work is crucial!

TEAM

• Research indicates skills essential for effective teamwork are:

• communicating and relating effectively,• empathy and respect for the feelings and

views of others, • accurate self-evaluation of performance

and relationships, and• conflict management using active listening

skills and empathy.

What is Interpersonal Relationship (IR)?

Interpersonal Relationships

social associations

connections

affiliations

between two or more people

• Interpersonal Relationships vary in differing levels of intimacy and sharing, implying the discovery or establishment of common ground, and may be centered around something(s) shared in common.

• We define types of interpersonal relationships in terms of relational contexts of interaction and the types of expectations that communicators have of one another to participate in positive, caring, and respectful relationships.

Six success elements in Relationships

• It takes a combination of 1. Self-awareness,2. Self confidence, 3. Positive personal impact, 4. Outstanding performance, 5. Communication skills and 6. Interpersonal competence • to succeed in your career and life.

Self-awareness

• Becoming self-aware is the first step to improving our interpersonal effectiveness.

• Most of our behaviours are natural for us. • We aren't aware of the impact these behaviours have on

others. That leaves us with "blind spots" that others don't want to mention to us because they don't want to hurt our feelings, they are afraid of a reaction from us, or they just don't care.

• Through self-awareness we learn what impact our behaviours - both positive and negative - have on others.  That knowledge helps us become more effective in our interactions with others.

• Once we become self-aware we can examine and change behaviours that need changing. The option is our own. So are the consequences. When we choose to seek ways to modify our undesirable behaviours we begin the process of self-regulation. This is a conscious process through which we may ask for input from our family, trusted coworkers or friends, or a professional therapist.  

Self-Confidence

• SELF-CONFIDENCE: Sureness about one’s self-worth and capabilities

Positive Personal Impact

• Do you know how other peoples see you? When you leave a meeting or end a conversation, what impression do you leave behind? What picture do other people have of you? How do you think they perceive you?

• We impact on others through our opinions, the amount we contribute, the sound of our voice, the effect of our silence, the expressions we use.

• Personal impact is about other things apart from your looks of course. Improving your posture, knowing how to shake hands properly, having good manners, not fidgeting and controlling your nerves in meetings, looking friendly and confident.

Outstanding performance

• What ever you do it to the best of your ability.

• “DO it with thy MIGHT!” (MICO’s Motto)

Communication skills

• Interpersonal communication can mean the ability to relate to people in written as well as verbal communication.  This type of communication can occur in both a one-on-one and a group setting.  This also means being able to handle different people in different situations, and making people feel at ease. 

Communication skills

• active listening,

• giving and receiving criticism,

• dealing with different personality types, and

• nonverbal communication.

3-Factor Model of interpersonal competence

• Interpersonally competent people:

1. are self aware. They use this awareness to better understand others and to adapt their behaviour accordingly.

2. build and nurture strong, lasting, mutually beneficial relationships.

3. resolve conflict in a positive manner. (Bilanich)

What are Interpersonal Skills?

• A set of behaviours which allow you to communicate effectively and unambiguously in a face-to- face setting

• They can also be thought of as behaviours which assist progress towards achieving an objective

• Interpersonal relationship skills help us to relate in positive ways with our family members, colleagues and others. This may mean being able to make and keep friendly relationships as well as being able to end relationships constructively

Six interpersonal skills

• There are just six interpersonal skills which form a process that is applicable to all situations:

1. Analyzing the situation

2. Establishing a realistic objective

3. Selecting appropriate ways of behaving

4. Controlling your behaviour

5. Shaping other people's behaviour

6. Monitoring our own and others' behaviour

Applicability of Interpersonal Skills

• Analyzing the situation helps us to set realistic objectives

• Establishing objectives, in turn, provides the context in which to make choices about how best to behave

• By being conscious of our own behaviour in working towards the achievement of objectives we are more likely to influence other people’s behaviour

• Constant monitoring will provide the feedback we need to make situation-dependent adjustments

• Good interpersonal skills

• Interpersonal competence

Five dimensions of interpersonal competence

• 1. Initiating relationships.2. Self-disclosure.3. Providing emotional support.4. Asserting displeasure with others' actions.*5. Managing interpersonal conflicts.*

Interpersonal Communications

• Most people want to be understood and accepted more than anything else in the world.

• Knowing this is the first step toward good communication. Good communication has two basic components:

1. You listen to and acknowledge other people's thoughts and feelings: Rather than showing that you only care about broadcasting your feelings and insisting that others agree with you, you encourage others to express what they are thinking and feeling. You listen and try to understand.

2. You express your own thoughts and feelings openly and directly: If you only listen to what other people are thinking or feeling and you don't express your own thoughts or feelings, you end up feeling shortchanged or "dumped on."

Communication Styles• There are four styles of communication:

– passive– aggressive – passive-aggressive– assertive

• Passive communication involves the inability or unwillingness to express thoughts and feelings. Passive people will do something they don't want to do or make up an excuse rather than say how they feel.

• The aggressive style of communication involves overreaction, blaming and criticizing. Aggressive people try to get their way through bullying, intimidating or even physical violence. They do not or will not consider the rights of others.

• Passive-aggressive is a combination of the first two styles - they avoid confrontations (passive), but will be manipulative to get what they want (aggressive). Passive-aggressive people will sometimes use facial expressions that don't match how they feel, i.e. smiling when angry.

• Assertive behaviour involves standing up for oneself. Assertive people will say what they think and stand up for their beliefs without hurting others.

Assertiveness vs Aggressiveness

• Assertiveness, or confrontation, means taking the initiative or first steps to deal with a problem in a constructive, self-protective manner. Assertiveness attacks the problem, not the person.

• Aggressiveness attacks the other person rather than the problem. It is a destructive desire to dominate another person or to force a position or viewpoint on another person; it starts fights or quarrels.

Coping with some communication differences

• Aggressive Communicator: Get to the point right away. Speak directly and clearly. Since aggressive types can be brutally honest and sometimes inconsiderate, it is important to take what they say with a grain of salt. Usually their criticism and confrontational matter isn't meant to be taken personally.

• Passive Communicator: It can be particularly frustrating to talk to a passive communicator because they may seem to not have any opinion of their own. Though it may be frustrating, avoid being pushy or confrontational. Passive communicators just need time to feel comfortable with others.

• Passive-Aggressive Communicator: Just as passive-aggressive communicators are a combination of two styles, an approach to them must be a combination as well. Recognize that talking to them might be frustrating like with the passive communicator (since they avoid conflict), but it also important to not take anything they say or do personally (like with the aggressive types), because it may conflict with what they say.

• Many causes of conflict arise due to miscommunication.

• Once you understand your own communication style pitfalls, you can correct them and communicate more effectively.

• Remember “Aggression breeds Aggression”!

What is Conflict?

• Conflict occurs in situations in which there is opposition. Opposition occurs when a solution cannot be found in a disagreement.

• Conflict is a disagreement through which the parties involved perceive a threat to their needs, well-being, interests or concerns.

• Perceive a threat can be physical, emotional, power, status, intellectual, etc.

• Conflict is healthy and a normal part of any human relationship.

Conflict Resolution

• Conflict resolution involves identifying areas of agreement and areas of compromise so that a solution to the disagreement or conflict occurs.

How do I handle/prevent/re

duce conflicts?

There are five methods to handle conflict:

• Running away

• Being obliging to the other party

• Defeating the other party

• Winning a little/ losing a little • Co-operating

Resolving conflict is an art of communication

Use interpersonal communication skills

Interpersonal Communication skills

• I-statements help you express the way you feel and what you want with great clarity. Sometimes people use "you" statements, such as "You never collect the registers on time and then we have to leave school late in the evenings waiting on you!" This type of statement can make others feel angry and defensive immediately. When you use I-statements, such as, "I really need to get the registers before 1:00pm so that I can complete the attendance sheet so that I can leave school at dismissal time." you express your the concern in terms of you.

• A respectful tone of voice conveys that you are taking others seriously and that you also expect to be taken seriously. In addition, people with good communication skills are assertive without being aggressive or manipulative.

Interpersonal Communication skills

• Eye contact is vital for good communication. For example, how would you feel if the person you were talking to kept looking around the corridor or out the window?

• Appropriate body language encourages conversation. Nodding your head, smiling, laughing, using words such as "uh-huh" and "yeah" and asking questions at appropriate times assure the person that you are really listening.

• Clear, organized ideas help you accurately and honestly describe your feelings and contribute to conversations and to decisions that need to be made. Good communicators are also specific. For example, a good communicator would say, "I need to use the computer from 7-9," as opposed to "I'll need the computer today."

Tips for resolving conflicts

• Make sure that you remain calm at all times. • Speak with a non-provoking tone of voice; quietly, slowly,

and calmly. • Listen to the other person carefully without interrupting

them. • Respect the other person when voicing your own opinion

or point of view. • Let the other person know that you understand them fully

by asking questions pertaining to his or her understanding and repeating what the person is saying.

• Use humour if possible.

Tips for resolving conflicts

• Try placing yourself in the other person's shoes. • Try not to be judgmental. Do not do anything to

embarrass the other person. Do not accuse the other person of anything. Also, do not punish or scold them.

• Do not stand close to them. Stand a few feet away from them.

• Make sure that your posture, body language, and tone of voice is non-threatening.

• Do not talk with the other person in front of a group of people. Go into an office or some other place to discuss the situation. (Caution: Do not go into place that will prevent you from receiving help if you need it.)

Tips for resolving conflicts

• Make sure that what you say is simple, clear and direct. • Do not take anything the other person says personally

when he or she is angry, because they probably do not mean it.

• Make sure that you are not alone just in case the other person becomes very hostile.

• If you are having a heated argument with another person, save your feelings and opinions for another time and place.

• Do not rush. • Let the other person know that you do not want to fight, but

that you want to resolve the situation in a friendly manner. • Make sure that you apologize for anything you may have

said or done to offend them

• Jamaican schools need teachers who can participate as a member of a team, teach others new skills, serve students, exercise leadership, negotiate, and work with diversity.

• These skills have been linked with higher productivity, product quality, and increased quality of work life.

Remember Ms Jones!

• She should use interpersonal communications skills and show her interpersonal competence!

• Ms. James should receive interpersonal relationship building skills!

TEACHERS

• Become aware of your communication style

• Improve your Interpersonal competence

• Reduced conflict in the workplace

• Increase productivity!

• Thank-You!