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PRACTICES IN INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION TO

HELP INTEGRATE FOSTER CHILDREN INTO

AN ADOPTIVE FAMILY

__________________________________________

A Thesis

Presented to the Faculty in Communication and Leadership Studies

School of Professional Studies

Gonzaga University

__________________________________________

Under the supervision of Professor Nobuya Inagaki

Under the mentorship of Josh P. Armstrong

__________________________________________

In Partial Fulfillment

Of the Requirements for the Degree

Master of Arts in Communication and Leadership Studies

__________________________________________

By

Adrielle Devora

December 2012

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Abstract

This thesis explored the question: What effect do familial communication practices and activities

have on positive integration of a foster child into their adoptive family? The focus was on foster

children adopted between the approximate ages of 3 and 17, as it has been shown they can have

more difficulties than children adopted as infants (Barth & Miller, 2000). This research brings

practical wisdom and empirically researched data to families, social workers, psychologists,

teachers, and anyone who works with families in this challenging category. The research was

based in the “I-Thou” interpersonal communication philosophy (Buber, 1923/1984) and utilized

recommendations from Attachment Theory (Bowlby, 1969), Social Learning Theory (Bandura,

1977), and Family Communication Patterns Theory (Koerner & Fitzpatrick, 2002) to research

the practicality of theoretical recommendations through focus groups. Key important findings

from focus groups were: integration is most helped by parents who communicate a shared social

reality, responsive emotional support, and encourage academic and language skill development.

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Table of Contents

Signature Page………………………………………………………………………………….2

Abstract………………………………………………………………………………………...3

Table of Contents……………………………………………………………………………....4

CHAPTER 1: INTRODUCTION……………………………………………………………..6

Importance and Purpose of Study……………………………………………………………..6

Organization of Remaining Chapters…………………………………………………………7

CHAPTER 2: REVIEW OF THE LITERATURE……………………………………………10

Philosophical Assumptions and Theoretical Basis……………………………………………11

Approaches of Child Repair and Attachment Theory………………………………………...12

Family Systems and Parenting Skills Approaches……………………………………………16

Rationale………………………………………………………………………………………23

Research Questions……………………………………………………………………………25

CHAPTER 3: SCOPE AND METHODOLOGY…………………………………………….26

Analysis……………………………………………………………………………………….29

CHAPTER 4: THE STUDY......................................................................................................31

Data Analysis…………………………………………………………………………………31

Results………………………………………………………………………………………...33

Discussion…………………………………………………………………………………….47

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CHAPTER 5: SUMMARY AND CONCLUSIONS…………………………………………51

REFERENCES ………………………………………………………………………………53

APPENDIX…………………………………………………………………………………..57

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Chapter 1

Introduction

In the study of communication theory and how to apply it, family dynamics are an

important part of the area of interpersonal communication. The process of families making an

adopted foster child one of their own family members can be problematic. Often these children

come to the family with behavior and trust issues that can impede the transition to becoming a

cohesive family (Barth & Berry, 1991). This challenging situation can be better explained when

exploring the question: “What kinds of familial communication practices and activities can

positively affect integration of a foster child into their adoptive family?”

The main theories speaking to this research question are Attachment Theory (Bowlby,

1969), Social Learning Theory (Bandura, 1977) and Family Communication Patterns Theory

(Koerner & Fitzpatrick, 2002). Viewpoints from these theories are used in this paper to help

explain what types of family communication activities may be most helpful for integrating a new

child into the family. The attachment-based information leads to exploring more communication

practices involving the child’s past, while the social learning information leads to exploring more

communication methods involving parenting skills in the new family. In comparing the

perspectives and harmonizing theory with themes discovered in qualitative research, conclusions

can be drawn about the most helpful, substantiated communication recommendations. These

recommendations aim to aid family intimacy, adjustment of the adopted child, and promote a

decrease in disruptions of adoptions.

Importance of Study

It is well documented that foster children who are adopted may come into the new family

with many issues. This type of family formation comes with complications and challenges. The

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children adopted out of foster care are often those who are older or have special needs- the

majority have suffered either physical abuse, sexual abuse, or neglect of basic needs (Clark,

Thigpen & Yates, 2006). According to research conducted by Barth and Miller (2000)

somewhere between 10 and 16% of adoptions will disrupt. Disruption means an interruption of

an adoptive placement before it has been legally finalized (Clark, et. al, 2006, p. 181). According

to Barth and Miller (2000) the most influential factor in disruptions is the child's age. Older

children often come into the new family with history or behaviors that make integration into the

family more difficult. Thus, this thesis describes (from a foundation of attachment and social

learning theories) approaches to successful child adjustment into a family through helpful family

communication practices. In literature presented on the topic of family preservation after

adopting a foster child, two main schools of thought emerged: One focuses on repairing the

child’s thoughts and behaviors; these recommendations are based in attachment theory. The

other is based in social learning theory and focuses on parent training and improved family

system functions (Painter & Scannapieco, 2009). Sharing methods from both of these theory-

based approaches, the paper explores communication practices in parenting, familial behaviors

and therapeutic models that have been shown to help the adopted child adjust well in their new

family.

Organization of Remaining Chapters

In the literature reviewed in Chapter 2, there is insight available from the following types

of studies: Characteristics and demographics of successful adoptive families (Brodzinsky, 2006;

Katz, 1986), understanding integration according to Attachment Theory (Howe, 2006; Steele,

Hodges, Kaniuk & Steele, H., 2010), understanding integration according to Social Learning

Theory (Barth, Crea, John, Thoburn & Quinton, 2005), the role of communication with or about

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the child's past family (Brodzinzky, 2006; Ward, 1981), communication patterns found to bring

success (Devore, 2011; Elbow, 1986), communication through play (Desmarais, 2006; Przybylo,

2008), and therapeutic practices from both an attachment and a social learning perspective

(Golding, 2007). As these findings from literature were compared and discussed, a recommended

family communication style and possible family training methods emerged.

In Chapter 3 methodology is discussed to conduct focus group research on these possible family

communication practices. These practices were juxtaposed with focus group research conducted

with adoptive parents to gather their personal experiences. Discussions among these families in

the field provided observations and reports of how their personal experiences aligned with these

researched successes. Keeping in mind that many foster children are adopted at older ages and

can carry a broad range of special needs into the adopted home (Rueter & Koerner, 2008), the

main objective of this study was: To determine the effectiveness and types of family

communication practices that aid in integration of a foster child into an adoptive family.

In Chapter 4, the results of the focus group study are presented. The sample included two

groups of seven parents each. The groups met at least twice for an hour or more each time. This

entailed purposive sampling; selecting parents already known to have adopted a foster child and

then networking from there to make groups of those who fit the research aim and were expected

to contribute their experiences with this particular type of situation. The first focus group was an

iterative group- one which revealed a foundation of interpretations that were then “elaborated

(on) in subsequent groups” (Eriksson & Kovalainen, 2008, p. 182). This allowed common

themes to emerge to then build a baseline for further groups to expand from.

The methodology was based in qualitative, focus group research. Data gathered from the

conversations was constantly compared to the themes and recommendations mentioned in

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theory. The focus groups allowed juxtaposition of theoretical recommendations with those from

real-life respondents. The confidence level was very high that those in the samples would

contribute empirical data with their direct experiences. The parents were empowered as experts

because they brought a direct and personal experience with these children, and their data was

able to either compliment or oppose the findings in the literature reviewed. The focus group

method allowed these "experts" to interact while giving them a space to guide, refine, and build

on each other's contributions through facilitated but free conversation. Critical findings were

gathered as parent experiences provided validation or disproval of theoretical recommendations.

These focus groups took beliefs on successful communication for foster child integration and

tested them through field research directly involving the types of families spoken of in the

literature. For this reason, these methods were able to yield the most common and reiterated

communication elements seen in successful adoptive family situations.

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Chapter 2

Literature Review

This literature review will attempt to holistically explore and describe the various key

viewpoints on integrating a foster child into a permanent family, comparing theoretical

perspectives to finally draw conclusions about the most helpful and commonly agreed on

recommendations. Three theories contribute to understanding helpful communication and

closeness for these families: Attachment Theory (Bowlby, 1969), Social Learning Theory

(Bandura, 1977), and Family Communication Patterns Theory (Koerner & Fitzpatrick, 2002).

The recommendations drawn from these theories and compared with themes gathered from field

research answered the question of how families can communicate to achieve successful

adjustment of the adopted child and less chance of dissolution in adoptions.

It is well documented that foster children who are adopted may come into the new family

with many issues. Most adoptive families confront difficulties that are related to the loss and

trauma experienced by the child: “Children placed through the child welfare system often have

been damaged by experiences in their birth families and within the system” (Smith, 1999, p.

246). This type of family integration comes with complications and unique challenges. The

children adopted out of foster care are often those who are older or have special needs- the

majority have suffered physical abuse, sexual abuse, or neglect of basic needs (Clark, Thigpen &

Yates, 2006, p. 181). According to research shared by Barth and Miller (2000) somewhere

between 10 and 16% of adoptions will disrupt, and other calculations report it can be as high as

25% (Clark, et. al, 2006). Disruption means an interruption of an adoptive placement before it has

been legally finalized (Clark, et. al, 2006). According to Barth and Miller (2000) the most

predominant factor in disruptions is the child's age. Older children often come into the new

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family with histories or established behaviors that make integration into the family much more

difficult. This is why this research question is so important to answer, so best communication

practices can be determined and put to use in families and social work programs, easing what can

be a particularly challenging adoptive family situation with the right communication tools.

Philosophical Assumptions and Theoretical Basis

The philosophical assumptions carried throughout this literature review are as follows: 1)

Children and parents benefit from a healthy closeness and mutual understanding in their family

relationships, and thus desire intimacy and understanding rather than discord. 2) Foster children

who are adopted face unique challenges in achieving a close relationship with their adoptive

families. 3) Interpersonal communication studies are available to help ease the transition of an

adopted foster child into their new family and promote healthier, closer relationships. 4) Martin

Buber’s philosophy from “I and Thou” (1923) forms a philosophical basis for this study. It

describes the difference between someone interacting with others as a mere experience (I-It) or

as an encounter which transforms the person (I-You). Children who enter an adoptive family

without knowing how to relate to others will have a difficult time stepping outside of themselves

to truly relate with their new family and become one with them. Buber’s ideas show how

important healthy interpersonal relationships are, because those who are only able to function in

the “I-It” realm will only experience the other in terms of how useful the other is as an object.

They will miss out on sharing life with other people because they do not encounter the other

people in an “I-You” way, allowing them to relate to another and share another’s point of view.

Buber’s writings provide a framework from which to understand what communication practices

may be helpful in the process of integrating the adopted child into the new family. Attachment-

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based communication focuses mainly on resolving issues carried in from the child’s past. It is a

child-centered repair approach. Social Learning and Family Communication Patterns base

communication approaches on improving parenting skills and the family system as a whole. This

resonates with Buber’s concept because every person the child has in their new family will only

be seen as an “It” until the child is able to see from an “I-You” perspective. The family systems

approach recognizes the importance of meaningful interaction within the entire family, not just

the damage to be fixed with the child as an individual. This is an important theoretical distinction

when examining the best way to focus the research question. One provides child-centered

communication practices based on their past, or the other provides family-oriented

communication with parenting skills to best help the child become one with the adoptive family.

Approaches of Child Repair and Attachment Theory

The most common approach to understanding adjustment of adopted children is called

Attachment Theory. This is the belief that old objects are carried into new relationships because

we form internal mental models based on our earliest relationships and that the child's past has to

be dealt with in order to enable them to form attachments with caregivers (Steele, Hodges,

Kaniuk & Steele, 2010). It is characterized as an Attachment Disorder when there has been an

interruption of the emotional bond between mother and child in the earliest years, thus a child

who has not been cared for properly feels insecure and unloved and has difficulty forming

trusting relationships later in life (Przybylo, 2008). This viewpoint has been corroborated, even

by those who do not espouse the use of only Attachment-based treatments. Attachment Theory is

mentioned as a “useful framework” for understanding children’s issue in a new family, and can

in turn, help guide parenting (Golding, 2007). However, if the only option for these families is to

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diagnose the child with an attachment disorder, the approaches to integrating the child into the

family may be too limited and not based on enough empirical evidence (Barth, Crea, John,

Thoburn & Quinton, 2005). The types of therapeutic activities and advice encouraged in the

attachment-based way of thinking are mainly focused on how to repair damage from the child's

past in order to form a secure attachment to new caregivers. They recommend that children are

shown safe, empathetic, reliable parenting in order to disconfirm their previous mental

representations of carers and replace those thoughts with new models of carers who are secure

and available (Howe, 2006). One recommendation is to interact with the child at their level-

which may mean the caregiver interacts at the child's developmental stage instead of their

chronological age. This entails being particularly responsive in a structured, warm environment

and perhaps even giving sensitive, exaggerated feedback, as a parent might do with a baby or

toddler (2006, p. 132). One treatment model called Dyadic Developmental Psychotherapy

includes attentive eye contact between parent and child, attention to voice tone, nurturing touch,

and playful, accepting and empathetic gestures (2006, p. 132). The authors of this article also

note that is helpful to give children choices and some sense of control, and provide them clear

and full information on present and future events.

One factor found to be important in these families is a willingness to discuss and

encounter the child's past and family origins. Attachment-based approaches seek to acknowledge

the impact of the child’s past and they take that focus even a step further. Elbow (1986) mentions

how important it is for agencies to give adoptive parents adequate information about the child’s

past, including important dates to remember and making or reviewing a lifebook of the child’s

history (1986, p.370). “The purpose of a lifebook is to collect and present the child’s history

using pictures, letters, and other artifacts. Lifebooks are particularly important in helping the

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child understand transitions” (Smith, 1999, p.176). Elbow (1986) also shares that facing old

losses gives the new family an opportunity to “examine and resolve them together, further

binding the family as a unit” (1986, p. 368). There are reported findings of successful families

communicating in such a way that adopted children feel safe in discussing their past family story

and then working to meld their beginning of life with their new family's story. "The past is not

forgotten but incorporated as a part of an emerging family history" (Elbow, 1986, p. 368). Clark

(2006) describes this process as "re-storying".

This communication about the child’s past is closely tied to a general attitude of family

openness about communication. One study found that even examining the structural openness of

the family, only communication openness independently predicted children's adjustment in the

family (Brodzinsky, 2006). Another study of adopted children coming out of foster care

indicated that those who had more contact with their birth family had fewer behavior problems

(Brodzinsky, 2006, p.3). These studies shared by Brodzinsky are important to compare to an

attachment-based perspective because they note that communication patterns and openness in the

new family are powerful contributors to a child's adjustment and well-being and may be even

more important than the child's family of origin and issues brought in from their past (2006,

p.12). Clark, Thigpen and Yates report on literature which suggests that "families with an open

communication style and the ability to provide warmth, empathy, and security for their adopted

children tended to have better outcomes" (Clark et. al, 2006, p. 182). They also shared that successful

outcomes were associated with families who displayed high levels of family closeness and

flexibility (2006, p. 182). These successful adopters have characteristics such as: being nurturing

and protecting to the adopted child, providing consistency and boundaries, being flexible in

expectations, and attributing even small improvements to their parenting competency (Clark et.

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al, 2006). The authors state that "family boundary permeability" shows itself to be a helpful

characteristic of parents bringing a new child into the home. These are the families who are open

to welcoming others into their family system, even those who are not related. Keeping the

agency or other support groups involved in the family integration is also an important aspect of

this open communication style; close contact with the agency for the first three months helps

“reassure the child of continuity with his/her past and enable to family to explore uncertainties

without feeling lost” (Barth & Berry, 1991). Even though that period of time is critical, it is

important to stay open and connected to an agency even longer, since the mean time to

disruptions was found to be 18 months (Barth & Berry, 1988, 1991). An open versus closed

family boundary is reported to determine success with the child, according to Katz (1986), who

said much depends on how receptive the family is to seeking and accepting help.

Barth, Crea, John, Thoburn and Quinton (2005) note that attachment-based therapies and

studies are not present enough in scientific literature. Psychoanalytic findings are also not

considered to influence child services as prevalently as they do today. According to that and

other studies, attachment-based approaches have not provided a strong basis for treating these

children, as the attachment disorder school of thought has been present for more than 20 years

but still has "no consensual definition or assessment strategy" and no established treatment

guidelines (Barth et al., 2005, p.258). Although attachment-based treatments may not be well

proven, Golding (2007) mentions that parent knowledge of the child’s attachment issues is very

important. Children who are defined as more attached demonstrate fewer problems in the new

family (Smith, Howard & Monroe, 1998). Thus, awareness of attachment theory and the child’s

amount of attachment issues is helpful as the parents implement family systems-based, social

learning approaches to communicating. Due to these findings and a lack of empirical evidence

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on using attachment-based communicative therapies, the next section will expand on approaches

to helping understand and treat adopted children and their families through evidence-based

communication practices from social learning and family systems bases.

Family Systems and Parenting Skills Approaches

The other approach to helping families adjust after adopting foster child is called a Social

Learning or Family Systems viewpoint. It has been proposed that attachment-related treatments

can be more harmful than helpful, and that there can be many reasons for social and bonding

difficulties that are independent of attachment issues (Barth, Crea, John, Thoburn & Quinton,

2005). It is thus possible that an approach based on family functions and social learning

principles offers a more evidence-based approach to understanding and integrating adopted

children. Attachment-based knowledge of the child’s background and issues is still shown to be

an important foundation, but the real communication help seems to come from the social

learning and family systems strategies. These interventions are more thoroughly tested and have

been identified as being "promising" for children with histories of abuse, neglect, and

misconduct (Barth et al., 2005, p.265). Some of these approaches are Multisystemic Treatment

and Functional Family Therapy (Devore, 2011), and parenting programs such as The Incredible

Years parenting programme (Webster-Stratton & Reid, 2010) and Triple P Positive Parenting

Program (Sanders, 2008; Golding, 2007). These are evidence-based practices that have been

scientifically validated. The Triple P Positive Parenting Program has the strongest empirical

support of any intervention with children- the children showed significantly lower levels of

disruptive behavior and the parents showed increases in positive interactions with children

(Sanders, 1999). Elements of these types of programs include role-plays and homework focusing

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on cultivating awareness, boundaries, appropriate and gentle challenges to beliefs, and an

environment of praise and reinforcement (Golding, 2007). Multisystemic Treatment, Functional

Family Therapy, and the Incredible Years Programme have been identified by a variety of

federal and government scientific papers as having the highest levels of scientific support (Barth

et al., 2005). “The common element between FFT and MST is the understanding that a youth’s

behavior does not occur in a vacuum, but rather is influenced by his or her interactions with

family members, peers and the community at large” (Devore, 2011, p.1). This is echoed in

Family Communication Patterns Theory (Rueter & Koerner, 2008), which involves the whole

family system in the process of therapeutic treatment to encourage family members to create a

“shared social reality” in order to build bonds. Recommendations from these programs that

informed this study on helpful communication behaviors families can focus on and learn to

practice at home. The idea behind this social learning approach is that positive parenting can

alter the course of even the most insecure, abused child. It is worthwhile then, to examine what

types of communication behaviors a parent can learn from these evidence-based approaches to

positively impact the integration of their adopted child into their family.

Looking at Multisystemic Therapy, it is a mental health treatment which demonstrates an

ability to help youth with conduct problems. It is a family centered approach which takes the

larger community and its influences into consideration. This treatment involves the child’s

family and their wider support system in the process every step of the way, encourages

responsible behavior, targets specific problems, looks at developmentally appropriate

interventions, teaches caregivers how to maintain long-term therapeutic change, and focuses on

strengthening educational skills (Barth & Miller, 2000). This holistic approach encourages open

communication between the family, child, extended family, teachers, and agency workers- about

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the most important areas of need. According to Painter and Scannapieco (2009), “The

overwhelming results show improvement of family relationships and improved psychiatric

symptoms” (p.79). Some of these models have been found to hold potential for adopted children,

although it has not been originally used in the familial context. Multisystemic Therapy and

Functional Family Therapy are now showing evidence of helping troubled youth, between the

ages of 10 and 17 (DeVore, 2011). The reason these models are being recommended to help

families adopting foster children is because of their focus on engaging the whole family, with the

knowledge that many adopted foster children are older and more likely to carry behavior

problems into the family or their communities.

The primary goals of Functional Family Therapy are to improve ways adult caregiver and

the youth interact and communicate with one another, bolster the caregiver's parenting abilities

and promote more functional relationships between the child and their teachers and positive

peers (DeVore, 2011). In Multisystemic Therapy, clinicians try to enable the parents to take the

lead role in improving the relationship with the child. Therapists teach strategies to properly

monitor the youth's activities, age-appropriate discipline techniques and parent-child

communication skills. Multisystemic Therapy has been shown, in several studies, to improve

family relationships; in seven of ten studies it helped decrease behavioral and psychiatric

problems. For example, two of the studies showed that improved family relations predicted

decreased individual problems (Huey, Henggeler, Brondino & Pickrel, 2000; Mann, Borduin,

Henggeler & Blaske, 1990). Two other studies showed that the children in Multisystemic

Therapy achieved better family relations than those in individually focused treatments (Borduin,

Mann, Cone, Henggeler, Fucci, Blaske & Williams, 1995; Henggeler & Borduin, 1992). In the

remaining two studies it was shown to improve the parent-child relationships (Painter &

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Scannapieco, 2009). These types of training programs and coping skills have been shown to give

parents support, encourage better relationships with their children and decrease the juvenile

offenses in the community. Thus, these are techniques that do not only attempt to fix a damaged

child but offer ongoing parenting and family solutions to help an adopted child adjust to their

new home.

Much like Multisystemic Therapy, approaches from Family Communication Patterns

Theory involves the whole family system in the process of treatment. It is based on the concept

that family members who create a “shared social reality” achieve closeness (Rueter & Koerner,

2008). The two means of creating this shared reality are termed “conversation orientation” and

“conformity orientation”. Essentially this is a balance of free, honest conversation and uniform

beliefs and attitudes in the family. In Rueter and Koerner’s study, adolescents in families that

emphasize a combination of conversation and conformity were least likely to see adjustment

problems (2008). Their study was the first to show an interaction between adoption status and

family communication patterns. They focused especially on families who had success adopting

older/adolescent children. The main criteria which determined successful child adjustment was a

combined atmosphere of conversation (open discussion) and conformity through structured

parental control (Rueter & Koerner, 2008). The Triple-P program also supports the entire family

learning communication skills; it teaches parents to use naturally occurring daily interactions to

improve children’s language skills and problem-solving skills, works on developmental

competencies, lends emotional support, and seeks to work through child-initiated interactions

(Sanders, 1999). A central element in parental implementation of these habits was that parents

practiced self-efficacy and self-management, using self-talk to remind themselves of their own

competency to problem-solve and attributed even small successes to their (or the child’s) efforts

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(1999, p.75). Parents also need to cultivate good listening and speaking habits with their partner-

learning to share information and support each other as a couple (1999, p.83). With those

foundations in mind, Triple-P includes communicating a safe and engaging environment for

children, communicating a place for positive learning and assisting children in becoming

problem-solvers, using assertive discipline which clearly communicates boundaries and calmly

follows through with consequences, and communicating/expecting developmentally appropriate

goals (p.76).

There were many similar approaches in the Incredible Years Programme. These included

communication of parent empathy and knowledge of child development differences, consistent

and predictable supervision, reframing negative thoughts and attributing more positive changes

to the child, praising and encouraging pro-social behaviors, and making the most of child-led

play times (Webster-Stratton & Reid, 2010). Like Triple-P, the focus is on routines, clear,

sensitive and responsive communication, non-physical and consistent discipline, rewarding and

noticing good behavior, and teaching coping and problem-solving skills (2010, p.30). The

emphasis in Incredible Years is on strengthening relationship skills before moving on to

discipline management strategies (Gilkes & Klimes, 2003). Parents in the program mentioned

that the skills learned “increased their confidence”, taught them the “importance of praise and

encouragement” and “consistent follow-through”, taught them the ability to “play and let the

child lead”, and showed them how to implement “distraction/ignoring techniques and

commands, time out, etc.” (Gilkes & Klimes, 2003, p.22). The strategies mentioned above

provide helpful guidelines parents can use when communicating in their home or community

with their adopted a foster child, even if they do not participate in formal therapy groups.

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Communication and integration can also be furthered in the Social Learning approach

through play. Several studies address the value of play-related therapy and attachment activities.

Play is explored as a joint construction, a safe place for children to work out their negative

experiences while simultaneously receiving responsiveness and acceptance from their adoptive

parents (Desmarais, 2006). It is common for parents to want to control or resist the child-led play

activities, but the studies show that it may be vital for parents to let the child lead, even if they

are uncomfortable with the expressions in the child's play (Desmarais, 2006, p.353). If parents

are able to relinquish control or discomfort for short periods of time and let the child lead in play,

it can open up a receptive space for both parent and child to discover things together as the child

feels received and able to express things that may have been previously repressed, whether it be

through role-playing or using dolls, etc. Adoptive families who have participated in "theraplay"

groups learn about 4 dimensions of the process: structure, challenge, engagement and

stimulation, and nurturing (Przybylo, 2008). These dimensions are explored in activities that help

form attachments between caregiver and child, and the evidence of attachment can be seen when

a child makes eye contact, seeks out touch, obeys, imitates parent behavior, seeks comfort, and

accepts family rules, to name a few (2008, p.22).

Other communication practices shown through social learning research involve parenting

with a balance of warmth and control. Information shared by Lamb (2012) discusses the

importance of communicating affection and emotional support combined with guidance and

limit-setting. Dozier (2003) recommends persistence in communicating in nurturing ways despite

a child’s resistance. Gently challenging the child and being patient to keep nurturing them can

show them the caregiver will be there for support and guidance. Rees and Selwyn (2009) also

mention the importance of the reactions of children already in the household. It makes

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adjustment much more successful if they react positively to the new sibling’s presence in the

family. The authors also shared that learning difficulties, conduct problems, emotional

“phoniness” and rejection from an adopted child all influenced how close parents felt to the child

(2009). The ways parents handle these types of difficult aspects can make a difference if they are

able to provide love, discipline, and clear, warm, predictable communication.

The recommended communication approaches recognize the importance of responsive

parenting (Barth, Crea, John, Thoburn & Quinton, 2005). They especially focus on consistent

discipline, positive supervision, and increased encouragement of the child- all taught as parenting

behaviors. These are evidence-based interventions that train and educate regarding the parent-

child relationship and parental expectations (2005, p. 264). Some of the language parents can use

to bring hope to these children and encourage a closer relationship is shared by Deborah Gray

(2007): “I liked how you did that!”, “I think you can let love into your heart and share it with

others”, “You definitely are the best with the paintbrush!”, “I believe in you.”, “You care for

others”, “I’m so interested in seeing how your gifts will develop in the future!”, “I know your

heart was hurt before. You know how others feel in similar situations and will be able to help

them when you get older”, “That was a thoughtful comment! Good choice!” (Gray, 2007, p.

154). These are examples of the kind of communication which shows responsive, attuned

parenting and helps the child think about themselves and their family in a positive way. These

are some concrete examples of responsive parenting within the context of a social learning

approach to interpersonal communication with an adopted foster child.

This review has described parental communication choices, behaviors, and therapy they

can participate in to promote the best adjustment outcome when adopting a child from a foster

background. The communication methods mentioned are the most fully supported by empirical

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studies and therefore were most suitable for focusing the research question. In Social Learning

Theory and Family Communications Patterns Theory, they take the entire family system and

parenting skills into account when evaluating what communication behaviors help the adopted

child and their family bond. The gaps in this research involve specific use of the communication

improvement strategies with adopted foster children. The empirical evidence referred mainly to

family/parenting improvement with children in general, troubled children, and those with special

needs. The focus group research in the present thesis attempts to close the gap by comparing

these studies on more general parent-child interaction and therapy models to the data from

families who have been specifically communicating with adopted foster children in the post-

adoption period, in particular those who were between the ages of 3 and 17 when adopted.

Rationale

This literature has shown that foster children have unique communication needs when

entering an adoptive family. Families may not know how best to meet those needs or interact

with the new child to form important bonds. The need of these families is beyond just looking to

the child’s past and repairing damage, which is based on attachment thinking. However, by

looking at well researched communication behaviors from a social learning, family systems

approach, there was an answer to the question of what interpersonal communication would best

facilitate an integrated family. Answering this research question can potentially help families and

those in the field of social work by educating with empirically-based interpersonal

communication skills to create stronger families and more well-adjusted children. This literature

has discussed interpersonal communication factors known for contributing to better adjustment.

It also discussed communication techniques and therapeutic practices found to assist these

24

families. Parental communication behaviors verified in parent training programs improved

attunement between the parent and child and increased parental management abilities. The

literature has demonstrated that it is possible for families and therapists to know and make use of

Attachment Theory while also applying principles from Social Learning Theory and Family

Communication Patterns Theory. However, the bulk of the research-proven communication

practices come from the Social Learning and Family Communications approaches. These

theories account for the varied relationships and influences in the child’s life, rather than limiting

therapeutic communication to the area of the child’s past relationships and damage. When

examining the central research question on “what communication practices will help families

integrate an adopted foster child into their family”, an approach which looks to parenting skills

and the family system as a whole was the most grounded in empirical evidence.

Thus, this paper describes approaches to successful child adjustment and integration into

the family, by means of interpersonal communication involving the child, parents, siblings, and

community agencies and groups. In reading what the literature has presented on the topic of

communication and family integration/preservation while adopting a foster child, two main

schools of thought have emerged: one focuses on repairing the child and their thoughts and

behaviors (Attachment Theory), while the others focus on parenting training and improved

family system functions (Social Learning and Family Communications Patterns theories).

Examining methods from both of these approaches, this paper has found the most helpful and

proven communication practices in parenting and familial behaviors to be social learning and

family systems aligned. Types of communication behaviors from this theoretical basis have been

shown to help the adopted child adjust well in their new family (Barth, Crea, John, Thoburn &

Quinton, 2005).

25

Research Questions

The research question is now further refined as: Finding that adopted foster children are

often shown to have trouble integrating into a new family, what communication practices from

Social Learning and Family Communication Patterns theories are going to be confirmed when

compared with themes found through focus group research? When gathering data from families

in focus groups, the basis of comparison came from the social learning and family systems

theoretical framework. The empirical recommendations from these approaches were either

confirmed or denied by the focus group themes that came forth about helpful communication.

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Chapter 3

Scope and Methodology

The scope of this study was to use the focus group method with parents of an

adopted foster child for the purpose of answering the research question “what types of

communication help integrate an adopted foster child into their new family?” It was based on the

recommendations of two main theories: Social Learning Theory (Bandura, 1977), and Family

Communication Patterns Theory (Koerner & Fitzpatrick, 2002). The recommendations drawn

from these theories, then compared with themes gathered from field research, answered the

question of how families can communicate to achieve successful adjustment of the adopted child

and less chance of dissolution in adoptions. The scope was moderate because it was not as broad

as just looking into all interpersonal communication in families, and it was not as narrow as to

limit it to certain families and children within a certain generation, geographical location, or

ethnic group. It was moderate in scope because it focused on foster children adopted within an

age range of 3 to 17, and the focus group research was done with parents in the southwest area of

the United States. The focus was on verbal and non-verbal communication specific to helping

build a bond between child and family, to decrease emotional distance and promote integration

of the child into the family. This included two sessions of focus group meetings involving

parents with varying ages and stages of adopted children. People were recruited by purposive

sampling in the local community. Eriksson and Kovalainen recommend selecting random

participants from a larger group, who will be able to provide insight into the topic (2008, p. 181).

The process started by inviting people known to have adopted a foster child, then those

individuals were asked them to refer the facilitator to others they knew met the criteria. Those

who qualified had adopted a child out of foster care when the child was between ages 3 to17.

27

The facilitator sought to include between four and eight participants. These focus groups allowed

for free discussion within the topic of study. Parents were guided by the moderator (only when

reminders were necessary), according to the two communication theories and empirical research

already done from them. Some specific communication strategies that were posed in focus group

questions were: “How do you feel that there was a combination of open, honest conversation and

a conformity to structured common beliefs while raising your adopted child?” (based on Family

Communication Patterns Theory; Rueter & Koerner, 2008). The responses to this revealed

whether those traits really were used (and useful) in integrating the adopted child. “Did you

focus on noticing the child’s feelings and needs and how did you respond accordingly?” (based

on Social Learning Theory, as shared by Sanders, 1999). The responses to this were able to show

whether the trait of responsive parenting was used by these parents, in what ways, and whether it

helped integrate the child. “In what ways did you focus on strengthening the child’s academic or

language skills and did you notice any improved bonding as those skills were strengthened?”

(based on Social Learning Theory; Barth & Miller, 2000). The responses to this question

demonstrated whether these parents expressed a link between academic and language

improvement and relationship improvement. “What were some ways you praised the child when

you noticed positive behaviors?” (based on Social Learning and Family Communication Patterns

Theories; Gilkes & Klimes, 2003). If parents used any of these specific communication

behaviors with their adopted foster child, the focus group brought out these common themes and

told how well they helped integrate the child into their family.

Methodology

The method used in this study was qualitative focus group research. The reason focus

groups were chosen is because the participants would be a purposive sample (parents who have

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adopted a foster child) and the aim was to create a space for conversation/interaction. The

purposive sample was selected because researchers are able to select participants based on

“research aim and on the expected contributions of the participants” (Eriksson & Kovalainen,

2008). This way the important themes could naturally emerge as they shared experiences and the

facilitator listened in and guided when necessary. The facilitator recorded all of the

commonalities in the ways they interacted and their stories about communication with/around

their adopted children. The next step was to look for the key ways family communication

impacted the child's integration into the family (according to parents' hands-on accounts) and

compare those types of communication and actions to those already seen in the literature review.

The focus group conversations were held twice, in a comfortable living room with refreshments,

for a duration of at least 1.5 hours per session. They involved seven participants; the same

participants returned to subsequent sessions to preserve consistency in their narrative themes.

The first group formed a baseline for interaction and established a common bond, familiarity and

comfort level in sharing about the focused topic. The second group allowed for a deeper, more

specific exploration of the themes from the first group. These groups served as observational and

listening opportunities to compile themes from parents’ lives with their adopted children, and the

themes were then compared the themes from the theoretical and empirically researched

information gathered. As parents conversed and built on each other’s stories and reached

common consensus together, the moderator was available to occasionally direct them back to the

main topic and communication behaviors to be explored. These sessions were recorded on a

recording device and transferred to a computer file to be played back for the purpose of thorough

observational note-taking. The communication themes and patterns emerged from these notes

taken on the content of the two sessions.

29

Analysis

Since Content Analysis focuses on themes and patterns, this was the main approach used

to analyze data from the focus groups. Content analysis has the unit of analysis being “the whole

group, the group dynamics, the individual participants, or the participants’ utterances. The

purpose is to inspect all empirical data for recurrent instances, such as words, themes or

discourses” (Eriksson & Kovalainen, 2008, p. 187). This method may or may not be based on a

coding scheme. The methodology was to analyze the data for thematic and narrative qualities

(2008, p. 189). The themes and narratives from the groups were compared to each other and the

specific communication methods recommended by research in the Social Learning and Family

Communication Patterns schools of thought. After transcribing all of the recorded audio sessions

from the focus groups, the documented responses were coded according to their association to

the type of question/topic they addressed. For example, all responses that showed increased child

bonding in association with clear parental boundaries were shown by that text being highlighted

a certain color. All responses that showed increased child integration in connection with child-

led play time had the text highlighted a different color. After this coding, the patterns in

participant responses were developed and showed how many focus group member experiences

support the theoretical framework. The methodology described allowed for a moderate amount

of specificity to come forth, in that it invalidated the scientific usefulness of some

communication behaviors in the families or confirmed the types of communication behaviors

that would really help the family become an integrated unit. The validity and reliability of this

research design could be triangulated with the data because evidence from multiple empirical

sources was used to cross-check the information gathered (more than one focus group session

30

involving several participants’ experiences compared with more than 25 empirical literary

sources). It was also triangulated through the theories because several theories (Attachment,

Social Learning, and Family Communication Patterns) were used in explaining, understanding

and interpreting the data.

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Chapter 4

Study Analysis and Results

Introduction

This chapter will lay out the information gathered from focus group discussions and

discuss the implications for the research question. According to key communication practices

recommended in empirically-based literature, parental responses to those practices have been

recorded and analyzed. What was demonstrated from the data was that some of these

communication practices were highly confirmed by focus group participant experiences, and

some were not confirmed as highly important. For example, four of the seven parents may have

shared about the importance of one type of communication, but the remaining three were not

sharing evidence or they expressed uncertainty. While reporting the results, most of the focus

will be on describing the areas of communication that garnered the greatest amount of parental

interest and emphasis. Then data on frequency will be shared, along with descriptive participant

quotes, in order to understand how that particular type of communication can help an adopted

foster child become part of the family.

Data Analysis

As proposed, two focus groups of 90 minutes each were held in order to collect

qualitative data from parents of adopted foster children. These parents made up a group of seven

participants who remained for both sessions. They will be labeled with pseudonyms for the sake

of confidential discussion of their results. Mr. and Mrs. Douglas adopted three children from

foster care: Rachel at age 2, Jacob at age 4 and Daniel at age 5. Mr. and Mrs. W adopted 2 boys

from foster care: Gerald at age 13 and Rex at age 16. Mrs. McHenry adopted Susie from foster

care when she was 15. Ms. P adopted Jaylin from foster care when she was 6. Mrs. Elinn adopted

two girls from foster care: Charlotte at age 10 and Andrea at age 5.

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This purposive sample was able to report general experiences on communication and

bonding with their adopted foster child (with minimal facilitation) in the first session. This

created a common bond among strangers and allowed for more depth in the second session. The

facilitator then asked questions derived from Social Learning and Family Communications

Patterns theories in the second session. The goal was to find out how closely participants’ family

communication experiences confirmed the theoretical propositions. The questions asked by the

facilitator covered the following communication areas (proposed in the empirical literature

shared in Chapter 2) to help integrate a child into the family:

Table 1: Frequencies of factors reported to influence integration

Important Not

important

Neutral/No

comment

Child conduct or mental disorders hindering integration 5 1 1 Academic/ language skills focus helping integration* 7 - - Balance of conversation and conformity helped the child adjust 7 - - Parental supervision/boundaries helping the child integrate 5 - 2 Developmental stage awareness helping parents with the child 5 - 2 Consistent non-physical discipline promoting integration 3 1 3 Parenting communication skill of responsive emotional support 7 - - Self-talk aiding parents with the integration process 5 1 1 Follow-through on boundaries/consequences helping integration 5 - 2 Partner communication and support between spouses 6 - 1 Child led play and activities promoting bonding 6 - 1 Praise and rewards helping the child adjust and integrate 5 1 1 Predictable routines/expectations communicated within the family 5 - 2 Reframing negative thoughts to promote the child’s integration 7 - - Distraction/ignoring techniques as discipline to promote bonding 3 2 2 Parents teaching coping/problem-solving skills 7 - -

*Boldface font indicates a high level of importance, according to responses

These (displayed in Table 1) were the specific topics of conversation in the second focus

group. A coding system was used on the transcript to identify the responses that correlated to

each specific area. Responses were labeled with a certain color to group them into each area and

show frequency and types of experiences within each area. The responses were compared to each

33

other to determine whether that area was important or helpful in the integration process and for

how many of the participants. If it was an area confirmed to be an important factor for most of

the families, their descriptions and examples will be explored in depth in the results and

discussion sections. The following section will address each communication area discussed and

analyze that area’s relevance to integrating the adopted foster child into the participants’

families, according to what participants shared.

The seven parents participating in the two sessions had adopted a total of nine children

from the foster care system. The children represented a diverse range of ages at the time of

adoption. The youngest was almost 3 years old at the time of adoption and the oldest was 16. In

the area of conduct problems or mental disorders, the majority of the participants reported that

this was an influential factor in bonding with their adopted child. Two of the children were

diagnosed with an attachment disorder, one with ADHD, one with bipolar illness and one with

mild retardation. Three others were just considered “runners” by the parents, although it was not

an official diagnosis. They ran from closeness and/or conflict which was also was a trait that

made communication and bonding more difficult. This was the backdrop for the other

communication and integration questions discussed. While referring to Table 1 above, the

discussion will now focus on the most prominent factors that emerged as important from the

focus group discussion.

Results

Although each of the theory-based areas of communication were confirmed as helpful to

integrating an adopted foster child to some degree, the findings reveal some types of

communication were the most helpful for the participants. A balance of conversation and

conformity, responsive emotional support, and teaching coping and problem-solving skills were

34

communication areas all receiving complete participant confirmation. Clear boundaries and

expectations, predictable routines, academic and language skills focus, self-talk, reframing the

negative, partner support and child led play were areas that showed a great amount of

confirmation from participants as well.

Most highly agreed-upon communication factors

The following paragraphs will discuss the most important communication factors that

emerged, ordered from most important to slightly less important. Evidence will be provided from

participants’ narratives to show why those factors were significant to integrating the child into

their family. This first section will address five factors confirmed as important by all participants.

These factors had unanimous support as communication practices that helped their adopted child

adjust.

The area of academic and language skills was shown to be one of the most important to

the parents; several stories emerged as to how strengthening these skills helped with child and

family integration. Mr. and Mrs. Douglas shared that homeschooling allows for better

communication and bonding time: “Homeschooling has helped because they’re constantly under

our supervision. We know what their conversations are like and who they’re interacting with,

since they didn’t have the family structure at an early age it allows that.” They said that

academics do help with family integration/bonding. Mrs. Douglas said,

A lot that I teach the kids I’m learning too. They know that. I don’t pretend to know

everything about history or science, I’ll give them what I think might be the right answer

and then we’ll dig thru the book together.

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Mrs. Elinn also reported the benefit of focusing on academics together: “At first we were

doing homework together because she was really not getting it. I think that helped us bond-

seeing I would stick with her on it.” Mr. and Mrs. W, Ms. P and Mrs. Elinn all reported putting

their children in small, private school settings. They shared that the children adjusted better when

they were able to see the same teachers each year. One-on-one academic attention (whether

through homeschooling or small, private schools) emerged as an influential communication tool

in helping the child adjust in the family. Both settings were described as helping the child adjust

because of a focus on academic and language skills along with consistent, predictable individual

attention for the child. Regarding a focus on language skills, Mr. and Mrs. Douglas shared ways

they communicate to build language skills with their three adopted children:

With language skills, not giving them the easy way out- for example even though I might

want to finish their sentence for them and they may struggle to express themselves, but

it’s just being quiet and waiting for them to finish the sentence themselves to explain how

they’re feeling.

Mr. and Mrs. Douglas also mentioned using “leading questions” to encourage the

child to identify and express their feelings with language. This type of communication

was also echoed by Mrs. Elinn, Ms. P and Mrs. McHenry. They tried to provide a safe

space and a prompting approach to allow the children to learn to express themselves with

language.

In discussing a shared social reality, the participants all shared some form of balancing

conversation and conformity in their home. This was one of the most important factors

confirmed by participants as important to the child’s integration. There were examples shared by

each parent of how they provided an atmosphere of free and honest sharing. Mr. and Mrs.

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Douglas have a daily bible time in which they often share their own adult failures, in hopes that

the children will open up if they do not feel pressure to be perfect. Ms. P tries to work with what

communication method Jaylin seems to be willing to use- in their case it is usually through text

messaging that Jaylin opens up to her mother. Mr. and Mrs. W shared about the importance of

keeping openness with Gerald and Rex in regard to their biological family. They had scrapbooks

for both boys. They contacted the biological family and were able to get photos they were

willing to share. “We weren’t trying to shut out that past, think that’s probably a common fear of

biological parents. They (the children) place a lot of importance on those lifebooks.” This is the

same “lifebook” practice recommended from research in Chapter 2 of this study. The practice of

keeping an open mind towards discussing the child’s past family and being willing to have

photos or lifebooks for the child was said (by all participants) to have a helpful effect on

integrating the adopted child. Mrs. Elinn shared that she knew open conversation was helpful to

Charlotte when Charlotte shared a meaningful part of her past.

She tells me she’s written a letter to her birth mother, she and her brother have decided

they’re going to forgive their mom and she’s written this letter and she gives me the

letter. As soon as she saw me she wanted me to know what she was doing, it wasn’t like

she wanted to hide it, she wanted to show me.

All of the parents shared (without disagreement) that openness toward sharing about the

child’s past was helpful in their families. All of the participants also shared ways they balanced

this open conversation with conformity in their home. Each participant conveyed their religious

beliefs and practices to their children and shared how this structure was one way the children

learned conformity. Mrs. McHenry would always bring Susie back to a discussion of what God

expected of her and what the Bible said about it. Mr. and Mrs. W, Mrs. Elinn and Mr. and Mrs.

37

Douglas all emphasized communication of a common mindset through regular church attendance

and knowing Bible scriptures. They also communicated conformity by enforcing rules and

structure in the house. Mrs. Elinn said of Charlotte:

She just wants to go to her room and it’s like, no you cannot walk away we have to talk

this through, you can’t just run if you don’t like what’s going on. Even in that situation, if

I say wait you can’t go in your room right now, she doesn’t give me the attitude of ‘well

I’m going’- she just says okay.

Mr. Douglas described communicating expectations of conformity through their family

attitude:

We teach them through the Bible that we do it with a good heart and as hard working as

we can. We don’t do things halfway or say ‘aww we got to do this’, we just do what we

can. We do everything the best we can with a good heart.

These ways of communicating clear uniform views balanced with open sharing

reportedly helped the families integrate the children more successfully, according to their

narratives.

Responsive emotional support was one of the most well-confirmed areas of helpful

communication for integration. Each participant shared ways their parental responsiveness

appeared to help the child and family in adjustment. In Mrs. McHenry’s story, Susie was difficult

to bond with because of her age and the issues she brought with her, however, Mrs. McHenry

noticed that, “her behaviors seemed as though they were saying, if I do this will you still love

me? It has really required persistence on our part to try to reach out to her and draw her back into

the family.” Ms. P said in regard to Jaylin,

38

Be patient, you can’t force it. My daughter’s been through so much. I haven’t found a

good counselor to work with long term. I worked more on me and trying to figure out my

reactions and how it triggers her. It helps more than trying to get somebody to fix her.

Mr. and Mrs. W said of Gerald,

We try to maintain contact with him but have to be careful how often we contact him.

Instead of offering advice I have to say things like, ‘well I have some experience in that

area; let me know if you want me to share anything’.

Mrs. Douglas shared,

Each kid is different. In a sense of getting to know them and getting to know their

personality, anytime you allow a person a chance to express themselves there is a certain

bond that’s there, it wasn’t the only thing that helped them to get integrated into the

family. It was one of the things.

These responses showed the overwhelming importance of these parents communicating to the

child that they noticed their needs and feelings. This responsive way of communicating was said

by all participants to further bonding.

A parent helping to reframe negative thoughts was an important part of integrating the

child into the family. All of the participants shared ways they were able to communicate this way

to help their child. Mrs. W said, “I point out to my kid when their attitude isn't good, and ask

them to ask Jesus to help them.” Mrs. McHenry shared, “Susie had a habit of saying demeaning

things about herself. I would say ‘you know that’s not true- this is what God says and that’s what

is true’.” Mr. Douglas said,

39

With the words ‘I can’t’ we’re like ‘no, you don’t say “I can’t” in this house’ because

…we do it. You try, you don’t just say ‘I can’t do it’, you just don’t give up. We do our

best and we try to not do that ourselves when we speak negatively.

All of the participants shared similar language in how they encouraged the child to think

of something in new, positive ways. In learning that new thought process together, they were

able to bond more with the child.

The area of teaching coping and problem-solving skills resonated with all of the

participants as important to integration. Ms. P shared,

Sometimes when Jaylin would get hung up on something I would try to figure out what

meaning was beneath the words and then if I could figure out what it was (most of the

time I couldn’t) but if I could put it into words she would look at me and she usually

wouldn’t even respond but I would just kind of keep repeating it- “You’ve lost a lot of

stuff, it’s hard to let go of things you have” and just drop it. It really helped- “You miss

your mom- little girls miss their mom”…and now she hardly ever talks about her.

Mrs. McHenry shared,

When there was acting out we brought it back to the Lord and the issue of forgiveness

both for her to know she was forgiven and so that whatever conflict there had been

relationship could be restored- that was something new to her.

Mr. and Mrs. W said, “We have done role playing after a situation occurred so the child

could learn an alternative way to react.” Mr. and Mrs. Douglas shared about helping their son

cope with anger issues:

Jacob had a lot of anger issues- Some of the ways we taught him to self-regulate was to

make him aware there was a problem and he gets angry really fast, when I see his temper

40

start to escalate because we constantly monitor them, I make him aware, okay you’re

starting to get really upset you need to pull away.

This type of communication helps the child learn better social skills and regulate their

reactions that may inhibit family bonding.

Second most highly agreed-upon factors

The following two factors were rated the next most important by participants. They

include partner communication and support, along with child led activities and play. For the

purpose of narrowing the findings discussion to only the most validated factors (according to the

focus group), these are the only other areas that were shown to have highly confirmed

importance.

Partner communication and support was reportedly another important area for family

integration. Of the six participants who raised the child with a partner, they mentioned being able

to vent to their spouse, knowing their spouse would be supporting them in discipline choices, and

the children knowing they could not set one partner against the other. These were all elements of

communicating a united partnership to each other and the children. It helped keep the parents

from getting discouraged and lightened the workload of adjusting with a new child in the home.

Mr. and Mrs. W said, “The kids all knew that both parents would discuss any difficulties

requests/problems and agree on the outcome. They also knew not to ask one parent for

something if the other parent had already said no.” Mrs. Elinn echoed this same structure in their

family.

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Mrs. Douglas shared,

If Mr. Douglas sees that I’m really upset and going to spank, he’ll do it. It hasn’t

happened recently but there’s been a couple times when he’ll take one look at me and be

like, ‘I’ll take care of it and visa-versa.

Partners able to show a united partnership talked of less stress and better child integration

in the long run.

Child led play time and activities were shown to be an important aspect of family

communication. Mrs. Elinn shared that Andrea enjoys initiating tea time and she plays along

with her and has a great bonding time. Ms. P shared that Jaylin was very interested in building

tents, forts and tunnels and Ms. P participated. They usually had many blankets and chairs set up

all over the house. She said this activity helped them bond and seemed to make Jaylin feel safe in

her new adoptive home. Mr. and Mrs. W had family activity nights where the boys would get to

take turns planning the activity for the whole group. It was similar for Mr. and Mrs. Douglas

when they homeschool, because the children have a voice in choosing what topics to study. This

kind of inclusion was said to give the adopted children a feeling of value in their new homes.

Factors not highly agreed-upon

The remaining factors were not considered most important, based on focus group

responses (see Table 1). They were important to some participants in some ways but did not

receive enough validation to be counted as the most influential areas. It is valuable to discuss

evidence on why they were not considered as influential as those factors already mentioned.

They were just as equally supported as the other factors in literary research but not as equally

supported by the focus group discussion. What will be shown below is that some of the

42

participants valued that factor, yet there was not enough agreement on it to make it clearly

confirmed as among the most important factors.

Self-talk was something shared by all participants except two of them. They shared ways

they reminded themselves they could be a competent parent who could handle the task. Mr.

Douglas said,

At the end of the day I kind of gather my thoughts and just think what did I do and how

to fix it, and have to realize that in the morning when I get up, I can’t be dwelling on

what I did the day before, and just start over. If I fail with one of the kids, even our

biological kids, if I dwelt on it, it would just extend it. I just start fresh knowing that as

God forgives me every day.

Ms. P shared,

When I get frustrated I keep going back to how far we’ve come and how God’s provided,

so when I’m not seeing it in the moment I know we’ve gotten through it before when it

was much, much worse, so I know we’re going to get through it another time.

This kind of communication with oneself reportedly helped most of the participants in

their parenting, thus had potential to help the child integrate more successfully.

Praise of pro-social behaviors was a communication practice shared by most of the

participants, yet two specified they did it verbally but did not do it in front of the child’s peers.

Two other participants appeared to agree but did not give any examples. Other than verbal

recognition, there was a reward system used for praise by Mr. and Mrs. Douglas. They

explained,

43

There was a behavior punch card we did, every time they’d have a good behavior they’d

get a punch on their card and when the card was full of punches they’d get a reward.

Something like an old monopoly money book, if they behaved well they’d get a buck.

Special treats, I made a laminated card that said you’re entitled to one ice cream treat

after lunch today. If they got that card it was because they did really well and they

behaved.

This method was used when the children were younger. Other than that, participants

shared about verbal affirmations they used such as “I’m proud of you” or “You made a good

choice.” Ms. P said, “I put it back where they could do it themselves- so instead of saying “I’m

proud”, I said, ‘Are you proud of yourself for the way you handled that?’ so they could

internalize it.” This communication practice of praise was important to some of the participants

but it cannot be confirmed as an overwhelmingly important part of all participants’ integration

experience because of a lack of focus group sharing.

Predictable routines and expectations were seen as somewhat important to the integration

of the child. Five of the seven parents were able to give examples of how they communicated

routines and how that helped the child. Mrs. Elinn has trouble communicating routines to Andrea

in a way that helps her conform, due to her condition of ADHD. However, Mrs. Elinn

commented,

Even though Andrea has ADHD if she walks into my mom’s house she’s the best-

behaved child you’ve ever met in your life! Just because she’s at grandmother’s house-

grandmother expects that when you put a plate down, when you’re through with that

plate you’re going to put it UP.

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Ms. P shared about the fulfillment of a simple expectation: “To get up and get to school

on time is really hard for her and this is the first year we’ve really done it most every day.” Mrs.

McHenry shared about incorporating structure into Susie’s life:

It took a long time for Susie to get the idea that you don’t take the screen off the window

and go out when you’re supposed to be in bed at night. And to know that if she did this,

that would happen. She needed to know that.

Communicating in this way let the child know there were some routine expectations they

could learn to rely on from their adoptive parents and that kind of home life helped the child

settle into the family.

In the area of discipline, consistency was confirmed as important but there were split

responses on what type of communication really helped the families because the question

covered both physical and non-physical types. Three of the participants shared that spanking was

used and it was helpful. This is contrary to what the previously mentioned research

recommended. Mr. and Mrs. Douglas and Mrs. Elinn all used spanking, but it was always

accompanied by calm discussion about the consequence and why it was being administered.

They reported positive responses in the child’s behavior and attitude after spanking this way. Mr.

and Mrs. Douglas shared,

After a certain number of consequences, that they already know (already pre-determined)

if they still fail and still persistent in being disobedient or breaking the rule, the final

thing is to be spanked. When the spanking or consequence is done, it’s just our family

again. They don’t retreat to their room or stay in a corner and be by themselves. With

Rachel, in less than 5 minutes she’s giggling and laughing and running around.

45

They say it seems to correct the behavior and result in better family integration: “It seems

like they know they belong and they got their consequence and move on- they don’t hold onto it

or hold a grudge. They try to make it right.” Mr. and Mrs. W and Mrs. McHenry administered

non-physical consequences such as loss of privileges. Ms. P said that she has not found any of

these forms of discipline to really help her child; she just stays calm and helps her child make

better choices to the best of her ability. She said, “I made it worse by trying to put negative

consequences or be real firm when she just needed me to back off and be calm.” Thus, as far as

parent responses, the area of non-physical discipline is not strongly confirmed as the main way to

promote integration. However, all participants expressed that some form of structured discipline

and follow-through resulted in better relationships and communication.

In the area of distraction or ignoring techniques, three participants shared ways it was

helpful. Mrs. Douglas shared, “The only time I’ll ignore is if they interrupt when I’m having a

conversation and then they don’t get any response out of me.” And they used time-outs as well:

We would do the time out, lasted about as long as how old they are, so each year was a

minute, always in the same room. Sat on a stool in kitchen, faced the wall, she was 4 so

she sat for 4 minutes. And then I talked to her.

Ms. P said,

What worked best for her was, in the time when she was deregulated or upset, ignore the

behavior but not ignore her. Do a “time in” – come help me in the kitchen and work on

the relationship a little bit and get talking about something else. Yeah, distraction.

46

This kind of communication was echoed by Mrs. McHenry, who mentioned doing dishes

alongside Susie or conversing side-by-side in the car, without eye contact. They shared that kind

of distraction helped ease the stress while letting the child know you could still bond with them.

The effectiveness of this ignoring and distraction for helping integration was not fully confirmed,

as only a few of the participants shared about utilizing it.

Monitoring activities and communicating boundaries emerged as somewhat important for

the children’s adjustment. Knowing that there would be predictable supervision and that

responsibility was encouraged was helpful to the child becoming part of the family. Mrs.

Douglas shared the following:

An example was Wal-Mart, before I first took them to the grocery store I’d talk to them

about what I expected- they needed to stay right next to me, don’t take things off the

shelf, and stay with me. Instead of just taking them to the store and them running rampant

and all of a sudden getting upset at them because they’re not behaving, but I didn’t tell

them how to behave.

Mr. and Mrs. W shared,

We have a written list of expectations, both of the kids and the parents. There are

consequences for breaking rules, such as being disrespectful or lying. As the boys got

into their mid-teen years, they were allowed to read Christian reviews of the movies they

wanted to see, pray about it, and then decide if they felt like they should go to the movie.

47

All but two of the parents described that similar communication approaches helped their

child adjust to the family. These approaches emphasize where the acceptable family boundaries

are while encouraging the child to take personal responsibility for their choices.

Developmental stage knowledge was shared as a helpful part of family integration. Mrs.

Douglas described this well when she shared,

Rachel is 7 but crumbles like a 4 year old the minute I ask “Why did you do that?”-

Niagara Falls all over the place. Daniel is 10; I have to break things down like he’s 5.

Jacob will be 10 in January and the same thing w him. You forget because they’re bigger

but you forget you can’t put them at the same developmental level in the communication

arena.

This communication strategy was echoed by many of the participants. Ms. P said,

They’re not emotionally the age they are biologically so communicate at the emotional

age they are at the time, stress makes them regress. Remind yourself they’re not 16

they’re 2, so you have more patience to meet them at their level.

This thinking helped the parents communicate in a more productive way which

encouraged better integration of the child.

Discussion

From a social learning standpoint, these communication practices have incorporated the

whole family in the process of integrating an adopted foster child into a family. This confirms

what was reported in the empirical literary research. The focus of these communication practices

48

is not merely on correcting a child with a troubled past but on everyone involved in the family

integration process learning to be healthier, more communicative people. Parents, siblings and

adopted child learn alongside one another what it means to share a life together. Specific ways of

communicating allow that to happen. If children or parents come into the adoptive situation

lacking the tools they need to share a closeness and bond in life together, it is now validated that

several of these communication methods hold potential for helping those families. After

comparing theory and gathering the most empirically recommended communication practices

from over 25 sources, and then comparing those recommendations to this focus group’s

experiences, several of these communication practices can be highly recommended.

The most agreed-upon focus-group validated recommendations for parents to help an

adopted foster child integrate into a new family are summarized as follows:

1) Help the child focus on academic and language skills, by means of one-on-one attention

whenever possible.

2) Encourage a shared social reality through communicating a balance in the home, of open,

honest conversation and expected uniform beliefs and attitudes.

3) Provide responsive emotional support by listening to and noticing the child’s needs and

feelings.

4) Teach coping and problem-solving skills to help the child learn to regulate their negative

thoughts and behaviors.

5) Find ways to let the child initiate fun activities and participate in them.

These five areas were things the parents were passionate about. They all expressed how

these factors helped them communicate and bond with their adopted child and were eager to

share those stories. It became evident that these factors had a strong influence in their homes

49

while adjusting with the adopted child and they were each able to share confirmations of that.

However, Mrs. McHenry and Mr. and Mrs. W did share that the integration may not have been

as strongly influenced in their families due to the older age of their children when they adopted.

They had about two years with their teens before they left the home, so they could only see

limited positive effects from these communication strategies.

Other factors could be important but either did not have enough agreement from

participants or participants were not as passionate about discussing them. These were contrary to

what the research had shown as very important:

1) Let clear boundaries and routines be made known, and follow through in

enforcing them.

2) Employ means of reminding oneself and one’s partner that you are able,

competent parents and a united team.

The reasons for these results may have to do with the fact that all of these parents are

religious people who value practicing their faith with their families. This affected many of the

factors discussed and could be considered as a limitation to how generalizable the results will be.

Academic and language skills they mentioned were often connected to a religious preference

(homeschooling and private Christian schools were preferred over public schools). Conversation

and conformity often involved a focus on prayer, the Bible, and church activities. Responsive

emotional support may also be attributed to parents’ faith as they value treating others with

compassion (a central part of Christian faith). On the factors that were not as highly agreed-upon,

such as discipline, some can also be attributed to participants’ faith. The biblical principle of not

sparing physical consequences played a role in discipline methods mentioned. Another reason

mentioned was the way the participants themselves were raised. If they were spanked by their

50

parents they were more likely to think of it as useful for their children. Self-talk was not as

agreed-upon as it was in research, possibly because these parents mentioned preferring prayer

and reliance on God to relying on themselves. A few looked at this as more important than using

self-encouragement strategies to give oneself a boost. These are all possible reasons for the way

the results were confirming or not confirming the theoretical recommendations.

The implications of this research extend to parenting programs such as The Incredible

Years and Triple-P Positive Parenting and any social work agencies working with foster children

and adoptive families. The responses of the focus group provide a good starting basis for

focusing on at least five communication factors when the aim is to encourage less disruption and

more successful family bonding. Even if agencies or families have very limited time or resources

to prepare for adoption of a foster child, these highly confirmed practices in interpersonal

communication can be implemented to provide a more secure family adjustment.

51

Chapter 5

Limitations

As was previously shared, this focus group was made up of parents who identify

themselves as church-going Christians. This may limit the generalizability of the study, as they

tended to lean more readily towards some of the practices studied; academic commitment, firm

discipline, a sympathetic, responsive attitude, and uniform family beliefs can all be

communication traits attributed more commonly to religious parents. This may have influenced

how highly a certain communication practice was recommended by the group.

Further Recommendations

These findings may require more testing with a larger, more diverse group of parents, but

this study provides a solid qualitative basis for further research with families who have adopted

foster children. Further research recommendations could include a mixture of religious

backgrounds or no religious background at all, survey research, longer running focus groups, or

ethnographic case studies.

Conclusions

As has been shown in this thesis paper, families adopting foster children can have many

challenges integrating the child into their families. As Buber’s philosophy teaches (1923), it can

be a challenge for the child to relate to the “It” in the new way of “I-You”. Due to their damaged

early years, it can be extremely difficult for them to experience life with their new family and

bond with strangers. However, even with attachment issues, recommendations can be

implemented from social learning approaches to help the child overcome their disconnection

from an adoptive family. Certain practices in interpersonal communication can facilitate these

52

families achieving closeness. This study has been able to demonstrate that certain interpersonal

communication practices can aid this integration process: parenting with openness, clear uniform

expectations, emotional responsiveness, and providing opportunities for child led activities are

all helpful practices.

It is clear from this study that communication can be a highly influential factor in family

relationships, especially when the family has extra challenges or the members are not

biologically related from the start. Anyone working with these types of families is accountable

for the types of resources and recommendations they provide, in order to give the adopting

family the best possible chance of integration. This research provides crucial insights for them

that can help avoid disruption of families they are responsible for monitoring. Now knowing

specific communication tools available to avoid disruption and create closer families, agencies

are more able to develop better training programs and therapy to increase adoptive families’

awareness and give them truly helpful ways to not only cope with difficult circumstances but to

thrive.

It can be confidently stated, from this study’s findings, that there are definite ways

communication helps an adopted foster child become an integral, bonded member of a new

family.

53

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Appendix

Handout at first focus group:

Focus Group Discussion 10/8/2012

This group is made up of people who have adopted and parented a foster child. The

goal of this discussion is to discuss ways family communication practices could

help integrate the adopted child into the family unit.

Let’s start by sharing names, adopted child’s name and how old they were at time

of adoption.

Then share freely - some things to consider/call to memory when discussing your

particular child and family experience, specifically the role of communication in

the child becoming one with the family:

-the child’s previous history and how it impacted their communication and

integration into the family

-any special needs the child had

-other children in the household at the time

-types of discipline used and when and how it was implemented

-habits or routines used by the family with the child

-communication (during that post-adoption period) involving extended family,

support groups, therapy groups or others in the larger community

-any turning points when some verbal or non-verbal communication indicated the

child was becoming one of the family

THIS IS A CONFIDENTIAL STUDY AND NONE OF YOUR NAMES OR

IDENTIFYING INFORMATION WILL BE SHARED OR MADE PUBLIC. I

AM A GRADUATE STUDENT IN THE COMMUNICATION & LEADERSHIP

PROGRAM AT GONZAGA UNIVERSITY. YOUR PARTICIPATION IS

GREATLY APPRECIATED AND I HOPE TO SEE YOU FOR ONE MORE

SESSION TO COMPLETE MY RESEARCH. THANK YOU VERY MUCH!

Adrielle Devora / 915-443-XXXX / adrielley@gmail.com

58

Handout at second focus group:

Focus Group Discussion 10/22/2012

Conduct Disorders/Mental health problems: Was your child (children) diagnosed or

treated for any serious conduct disorder, mental health condition, or juvenile

offense? If so, how did your communication or therapeutic activities help their

condition?

Targeting academic/language skills: In what ways did you focus on strengthening

the child’s academic or language skills, and did you notice improved

relationships as those skills were strengthened?

Shared social reality- Conversation (free and honest) & Conformity (uniform beliefs

and attitudes): Do you feel that there was a combination of a free, open sharing

in your home along with the structure of common beliefs, attitudes and

expectations? If this was present- how did it seem to help the child (children)

adjust?

Monitor activities/responsible behaviors: How did you communicate limits and

boundaries while encouraging the child to be responsible? How did you let

them know there would be predictable supervision?

Developmentally appropriate (non-physical) consistent discipline: How

knowledgeable were you about your child’s actual developmental stage, and

how did you apply that to non-physical means of discipline? You can also share

about physical discipline and how that affected integration of the child.

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Responsive emotional support: Did you focus on noticing the child’s feelings and

needs, and respond accordingly? If so, how?

Self-talk/ self-efficacy: Did you employ means of reminding yourself how to best

communicate with the child and telling yourself you were a competent parent

who could handle the challenges?

Clear boundaries and consequence follow-through: How did you communicate

clear boundaries to the child and demonstrate follow-through?

Partner comm and support: If you raised the child with a partner or close family

member, how did you communicate to the children and each other that you

were a united team?

Child-led play: Did you allow for play times which were led by the child? How did

those interactions facilitate more closeness?

Praising pro-social behaviors: What were some ways you praised the child when

you noticed positive behaviors?

Predictable routines/supervision: What were some ways you communicated family

or household routines so the child knew what was expected and predictable?

Reframing negative thoughts: What ways were you able to help yourself or the

child catch negative thought patterns and reframe them in positive, new ways?

Distraction/ignoring techniques: Have you employed distraction or planned

ignoring as a way to communicate clear discipline and expectations? Have those

techniques helped form/bond the relationship with the child?

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Coping/problem-solving skills: How have you been able to teach the child coping

or problem-solving skills to self-regulate instead of turning away from the

relationships? What are some ways you have taught the child to manage

uncomfortable situations?