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Interpersonal Attraction
Interpersonal Attraction
• Most of our waking hours are spent in the presence of other people.– Larson et al. (1982) found that on
average, American spent about ¾ of their waking hours with others• This finding has been replicated cross-
culturally (Larson & Verma, 1999)
– Would Larson find the same result in America today?
Infant Attachment
• Infants rely on others to survive– Infant Attachment
• Attachment refers to the bonds that are formed between an infant and the infant’s primary caregiver
– Provides a sense of security and information about the environment
• Attachment styles differ depending on the relationship between the infant and the primary caregiver.
Infant Attachment• Ainsworth (1978) labeled three styles of
attachment– Secure
» The caregiver generally responds to the infant’s needs.
– Avoidant» The caregiver is unresponsive or rejecting of
the infant. As a result, the infant essentially “gives up” on getting a response from the caregiver.
– Anxious/Ambivalent» The caregiver is anxious and responds to the
infant’s needs sometimes, though not always.• Attachment is probably an evolutionary
adaptation.
Adult Attachment• Adult Romantic Attachment
– Hazan & Shaver (1987) formed an attachment theory of adult romantic behavior
– Infant attachment and romantic attachment share much in common
• Securely attached 59%• Avoidant 25%• Anxious/Ambivalent 11%
– Obviously, they differ as well• Adult relationships are reciprocal• Between peers• Involve sexual attraction
Adult Attachment
– Early attachment experiences will influence how a person later forms relationships
– However, we’re not tied to our previous attachment styles. New experiences can change the way we form relationships.
– Likewise, different relationships can cause us to use different attachment orientations.
Adult Attachment
• Adult Attachment Styles– Secure Adults
• Find it easy to get close to others, have a happy relationship, don’t worry about abandonment, etc.
– Avoidant Adult• Uncomfortable getting close to others, experience
highs and lows, etc.
– Anxious/Ambivalent• Seek intimacy but worry about the love being
reciprocated, tend to become obsessive, etc.
Why We Form Relationships
• Rewards of Social Relations (Weiss, 1974)– Attachment
• Provides comfort for both infants and adults.– Social Integration
• Having shared interests and attitudes with others provides a sense of belonging.
– Reassurance of Worth• This is provided by others.
– A Sense of Reliable Alliance• Being able to ask others for help.
– Guidance• Others provide advice and information.
– The Opportunity for Nurturance• Taking care of others gives us a sense of being needed.
Why We Form Relationships
• Additionally, social support is strongly correlated with physical and mental health.
• The benefits of having social relationships are numerous.– However, no single relationship will
satisfy all of our social needs.– In general, the wider our social
network, the better off we are.
Why We Form Relationships
• Loneliness– Internal psychological state of discomfort
felt when we have inadequate social relations
• Can occur when someone is surrounded by people; can be lonely without being alone
• Doesn’t necessarily occur when someone is alone; can be happy alone
• Alone does not necessarily mean lonely, though the two often occur together.
Why We Form Relationships
– National surveys indicate that 25% of the population has felt lonely within the last two weeks.
– The level of loneliness people experience varies widely.• How lonely we are one day can be
completely different another day.• How people respond to loneliness
inducing situations varies.
Why We Form Relationships
– Emotional Loneliness• Occurs with the lack of an intimate
attachment figure
– Social Loneliness• Occurs when the a person feels detached
from their social network or community.
– These two types of loneliness are independent of one another.• Can have either, both, or neither.
Why We Form Relationships
• Loneliness Risk Factors– Background/Childhood Factors
• e.g., avoidant or anxious/ambivalent attachment styles
– Personality Factors• e.g., shyness, low self-esteem
– Marital Status• Married people less likely to be lonely
– Socioeconomic Status• The poor are more likely to be lonely.
– Age• Highest among teenagers
Why We Form Relationships
• Social Exchange Theory– Assumes that we stay in relationships
with people because the benefits outweigh the costs.
Why We Form Relationships
• Factors Involved in Interpersonal Attraction– Proximity– Familiarity– Similarity– Desirable Personal Attributes– Physical Attractiveness
Factors Involved in Interpersonal Attraction
• Proximity– The physical closeness of two people
is the single best predictor of a social relationship being developed.
– We’re more likely to know our neighbors than people 10 blocks away.
– Is this changing with recent advancements in technology?
Factors Involved in Interpersonal Attraction
• Reasons for proximity’s effect– It’s hard to befriend someone if we’ve never
met them or if we’re geographically isolated from them.
– Cognitive Dissonance Theory• Being in constant contact with people we dislike
causes dissonance.• How do we reduce dissonance?
– Merely knowing about an upcoming interaction increases liking.
Factors Involved in Interpersonal Attraction
• Familiarity– Mere Exposure Effect (Zajonc, 1968)
• Participants shown pictures of people, some pictures much more than others
• Participants were then asked to rate each face for likeability and how well they thought they would they get along with the person
• Results– The more a face was shown, the more positive the
ratings given to that person.– This finding was replicated with repeated exposure
to actual people
Factors Involved in Interpersonal Attraction
• Mita, Dermer, & Knight (1977)– The human face isn’t perfectly symmetrical– People prefer the way they look in the mirror, but
their friends prefer their actual appearance
• Reasons for the Mere Exposure Effect– Evolutionary Reasons
• Innate fear of the unknown?
– Repeated exposure → Recognition → Predictability
– Assumption that familiar people are also similar to us
Factors Involved in Interpersonal Attraction
• Limits to the effect of Mere Exposure– Only effective when
• the person is initially perceived as positive or neutral
• that person’s interests are not in conflict with those of the perceiver’s
– Too much exposure can cause boredom
Factors Involved in Interpersonal Attraction
• Similarity– “Birds of a feather flock together”
• We like those with similar attitudes, interests, values, background, and personality
• Byrne’s (1971) Phantom-Other Technique– Participants fill out a questionnaire and are then shown a
questionnaire supposedly filled out by another participant» No “other” participant. The questionnaire was filled
out specifically to be similar, moderately similar, or dissimilar to the participant’s.
– Participants are then asked what they think of the other participant.
– Results» Questionnaire similarity and participant liking of the
phantom other were positively correlated.
Factors Involved in Interpersonal Attraction
• Matching Principle– We tend to date and marry similar others
» Attitudes, interests, values, background, personality, age, intelligence, educational status, religion, attractiveness, height, etc.
» Similarity and length of relationship is positively correlated.
Factors Involved in Interpersonal Attraction
• Reasons for Similarity Effect– Similarity is rewarding– Cognitive Consistency
• Liking someone we disagree with causes dissonance
– Expectancy-Value Theory• We value certain things (e.g., traits in others), but
take into account the probability of getting them.• John (an average looking guy) may want to date a
supermodel, but he consistently dates people with his own level of attractiveness.
– John may fear rejection from those more attractive than him
Factors Involved in Interpersonal Attraction
• Proposed Mechanisms of the Similarity Effect– Selective Attraction
• Only attracted to similar others
– Social Influence• Over time, people become more similar because
of their influence on each other
– Environmental Factors• Only exposed to similar others because of
situational factors.
Factors Involved in Interpersonal Attraction
• Similarity Effect Limitations– Similarity can be threatening
• Bad things happening to similar others can cause us to avoid them.
– Differences can be rewarding too• Once a person is accepted by others,
differences are appreciated.• Allows for the sharing of pooled
knowledge.
Factors Involved in Interpersonal Attraction
• Desirable Personal Attributes– Individual and cultural differences are huge. – Two traits seem to be universal:
• Warmth & Competence– Warmth
» We perceive people with positive attitudes as warm
– Competence» Type of competence depends on the situation» However, we don’t like perfect people.
(Aronson, Willerman, & Floyd, 1966)
Factors Involved in Interpersonal Attraction
• Physical Attractiveness– We like attractive people– Determining Attractiveness
• Symmetric faces• Baby faces• “Average” faces are rated as more
attractive than distinct faces• Strongly influenced by culture
Factors Involved in Interpersonal Attraction
Which face is more attractive?
Factors Involved in Interpersonal Attraction
Miss Germany 2002 22 pageant finalists
morphed
Factors Involved in Interpersonal Attraction
• Why Physical Attractiveness?– Halo Effect– Radiating Effect of Beauty
• People like to be seen with attractive others since it enhances their own image.
– Evolutionary Reasons• Attractiveness as a sign of good health• Choosing a mate with good health will make it
more likely to pass on genes to offspring.
Mate SelectionTop 10 Qualities in a Romantic Partner
(Gilmour, 1988)• Women
1. successful2. leadership3. good job skills4. earning potential5. sense of humor6. intellectual7. attractive8. commonsensical9. athletic10. logical
• Men1. attractive2. good in bed3. affectionate4. good social skills5. good homemaker6. stylish7. sensitive8. tasteful9. moral10. artistic
Mate Selection• Why the differences between genders?
– Sociocultural Perspective• Social roles of men and women differ
– Evolutionary Perspective• Men and women maximize their chances of
reproductive success differently– Women “invest” a lot of time and effort for one child.
As a result, choosing a mate that can provide necessary resources is desired.
– Men can have many children throughout their lifetime, so choosing a healthy and fertile mate is desired.
– Evidence exists for the plausibility of both perspectives.
Love• Definition??!?! (Merriam-Webster)
– strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties– attraction based on sexual desire– affection based on admiration, benevolence, or common interests– an assurance of love– warm attachment, enthusiasm, or devotion– the object of attachment, devotion, or admiration– a beloved person– British -- used as an informal term of address– unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another– a god or personification of love– an amorous episode– the sexual embrace– a score of zero (as in tennis)
• Social psychologists also have many definitions of love
Love
• Types of Love – Clyde & Henrick (1989)
• Romantic, Possessive, Best-Friend, Pragmatic, Altruistic, Game-Playing
• See Table 8.4, pg. 253.
• Feelings of Love– Physical symptoms distinguish
romantic vs. friendship types of love
Love
• Thoughts of people “in love” (Rubin, 1973)– Attachment
• Perceiving the need of a partner to achieve goals.
– Caring• Responding to the partner’s needs and promoting
his/her need
– Trust/Self-Disclosure• Being able to tell the partner intimate details
without fear of being vulnerable.
Love
• Behaviors of Love– What we say vs. what we do can
differ in congruency• e.g., A significant other that claims love
for you but consistently cancels engagements, forgets your birthday, and patronizes you…
Love
• Passionate Love– emotionally charged– characteristic of the earlier stages of
a relationship– preoccupation with the other person– often described as uncontrollable– effective in selling movie tickets
Love
• Companionate Love– practical, realistic, moderate– typified by trust, caring, and
tolerance of the partner’s flaws– develops slowly in a relationship– relatively ineffective in selling movie
tickets
Love• Sternberg’s (1986) Triangular Theory of Love
– Proposed that all types of love have three basic components:
• Intimacy– Feelings of closeness in the relationship– Same in all loving relationships
• Passion– Drives that lead to intense emotions in relationships– Differs depending on the relationship
• Commitment– Cognitive component– Decision to love someone– Short term vs. Long term
Love
Love• The Triangular Theory of Love predicts seven types of love
based on the presence or absence of the three components– Liking
• Intimacy without passion or commitment– Infatuation
• Passion without intimacy or commitment– Empty
• Commitment without passion and intimacy– Romantic
• Passion and intimacy without commitment– Companionate
• Intimacy and commitment without passion– Fatuous
• Passion and commitment without intimacy– Consummate
• Passion, commitment, and intimacy
Jealousy
• Jealousy– The reaction to a perceived threat to
the continuity or quality of a valued relationship
– Those highly dependent on the relationship are most affected by feelings of jealousy
