Inner Mean Girl€¦ · busy life to read it. It’s no accident that you discovered this Inner Mean Girl Video Series. I’m excited to share this exclusive training that will help

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Inner Mean GirlYour Playbook to understand, recognize, manage, and

live with your Inner Mean Girl.

Hello Sweet Mama,I am so glad you’re here. Congratulations for taking the next step to getting exactly what you want out of YOUR life!

This is not your typical DIY workbook — no ma’am, this is a Playbook designed specifically for you, uniquely for who you are,and precisely for where you are right now!

I will be giving you the tools and support you so desperately want and need right now to make the changes you desire. And I know the desire is there because you said yes. Yes to receiving this Playbook and yes to YOU. Don’t let yourself back out now. You’ve already taken the hardest step. In order to get different results, you need to take different action. In order for you to boost your time and energy, enhance your relationships with your loved ones, claim a joyful, harmonious life, and actually enjoy being a mom, you must understand not only the tried-and-true maneuvers to get there, but you must also embrace, embody, and exemplify the woman you truly are. And I happen to know that YOU are a pretty neat lady!

If you want your children to live the life of their dreams,you darn well better be living the life of yours!

How can I be so sure? Because I lived it. I was busy, so busy because I believed my whole value lay in just how busy I was. I was hyper-critical of myself, second-guessing every decision I made. I was so confused with trying to please EVERYONE else-I had no idea what I wanted from MY life. And was it working? Heck NO! It took me many painful years to figure that out and pull it all together. I was consumed with "mom-guilt". I was overwhelmed and stuck...stuck in an awful place of self-doubt. Now, I celebrate the confidence I have as a mom and a woman. I have the joyful and harmonious life that moms desire. I'm an inspiration to my family and those around me. And most importantly, I am living a life that turns me on!

t h e I N S P I R E D M A M A . C O M • K A R E N G R U B E R

https://theinspiredmama.com/

Sweet Mama,

Thank you for downloading this Playbook and taking time from your busy life to read it. It’s no accident that you discovered this Inner Mean Girl Video Series. I’m excited to share this exclusive training that will help you integrate all the beautiful facets of your life and reduce your stress exponentially.

Did you know that 88% of career moms suffer from at least one stress-related health problem since becoming a working parent?

The most common health problems include: depression, anxiety, unhealthy weight change, extreme fatigue and insomnia.

Mama, you and I have met–

You’ve got more talent than you know what to do with and you love your kids to pieces, and yet…

you can’t see a way out of your busy-ness, you’re not making the income or impact you want to in your career,

your patience is worn thin when it comes to your kids and you’re not relating to them the way you want.

But I’ve got you covered!

You’re in the right place if more often than not…

» You experience guilt and feelings of failure that you can’t do it all and do it all well, and it’s as if everything has become more difficult to manage.

» You suffer heartbreaking inner conflict when you have to choose work over the kids, certain you are messing them up for life.

» You are bone-tired and have little to no time or real desire to care for yourself or pursue your own interests.

You want to earn more income but you don’t want to spend even more time away from your kids. You long for a freer, more satisfying and fulfilling life. And at the same time you still want time and energy to pursue your own interests.



Can you really have all this?

Can you have a thriving career making the income you desire, have a sizzling intimate relationship, be a fulfilled woman, AND be the mom you envision with plenty of free time and money to enjoy your life?

YES.

Imagine having all this without burning out or having to sell your Soul.

It IS possible and I am living proof.

But I want to warn you because I see it time and time again. When most moms start thinking about their life direction they completely go into their mental ‘should’s’ about it. You’ll get tripped up by friends, husbands, multiple people talking in your ear about what you should do. You have to find your own inner voice, your Soul’s voice – and that is what this Video Series will help you do.

We all want to be great moms. I know I did not wake up this morning thinking “Gosh I’d like to be a crummy mom today!”, and I know you didn’t either. But that is exactly what I felt like for several years after my daughter was born.

I was lacking the inner confidence to override and manage all the negative messages I was receiving internally and externally.

I was so overwhelmed with everyone’s demands on my time–I wasn’t making the right choices for me or my family.

I was so lost as to where I fit in this great big picture of being a wife, a mother and a woman that I didn’t have a clue what I really needed or wanted to bring meaning and fulfillment, and ultimately joy to my life.

And there are still days that I feel like a crummy mom, but they are now few and far between.

I was in a great deal of emotional pain most of my life. Being a new mom only amplified what I was feeling. And it manifested itself in the shape of drinking way too much and way too often and in 70 + pounds.

Strategies—we all have them, drinking, eating, shopping, all forms of numbing out so we don’t have to feel the pain.

This pain was costing me my marriage, my health, my sanity.

I remember feeling so ashamed for not being the mom, the wife, the woman I knew I was meant to be. I could no longer ignore this and I needed to find out for myself how to be a great business owner, a great woman, a great wife and a great mom. And I did!

I worked with an array of coaches, I read personal development books nonstop. I attended webinars, I attended workshops, trainings, weekend intensives, week-long intensives. I developed a deep spiritual practice. I spent thousands of dollars and untold hours on this quest.

Let me tell you what I know for sure: Until you can tune out the outside noise and tune-into the whispers of your Soul, you will never have the life you dream of.

Our home has gone from complete chaos to a calm and peaceful, supportive environment. A home that was once impacted emotionally and visually by my inner chaos, is now a reflection of all the beautiful changes in my life.



I faced my inner demons and lost 70+ pounds and chose an alcohol-free life in the process (and inspired my husband to do the same).

I have a career that lights me up and fulfills me creatively, emotionally, financially and spiritually.

I am raising a remarkable young lady and we have created an amazing relationship of respect, trust, support and love. Bottom line—I am living a life that turns me on.

I became certified as a coach by the top coaching institute in the world, I took everything I learned and experienced and condensed this learning into the most practical and effective practices and teach moms how to do the same in my signature step-by-step process.

I am so adamant about working with moms because even though we all have struggles in life—it is amplified to the Nth degree when you are a mom. You now have this major life-dependent responsibility and it’s like everyone’s watching you to see how you’re going to screw it up.

AND there is no one on this planet that understands what it’s like to be a mom—except another mom.

I am impassioned about helping YOU excel in your career, have time for all that you desire, ignite your intimate relationship, enjoy and kick-ass at being the mom you know you are! You are more than deserving.

This exclusive video series will help you:» Determine the sneaky ways your Inner Mean Girl is overpowering youso you can cultivate a strong sense of inner resilience, self-worth, and abeautiful gentleness with yourself.

» Discern the Top 3 extremely damaging habits your IMG is in charge ofand implement potent practices to align yourself with the woman youchoose to be.

» Learn why your IMG thinks she’s “keeping you safe” and apply thedynamic process that allows you to take the risks she’s been shielding youfrom so you can flourish and be in control of your own life.

» Master the small daily go-to steps towards self-love that actually workso you can demonstrate to your children what it looks like to truly loveyourself.

» Overcome any guilt you have about having (and actually enjoying)your career so you can enjoy the time you spend with your kids.Wake each morning energized and inspired for the experiences andinteractions you are going to encounter that day.

Caution—you are about to unlock some very powerful, life-changing steps. Some will be new to you, some you have known all along, and some will be downright scary at first! It’s all okay!

Each step is simple on its own, but together they add up to major breakthroughs and your life will change.

I’m so grateful to accompany you on this journey and will be with you every step of the way. Here’s to you beautiful mama!



7.Your Inner Mean Girl

S T E P 1

It’s time to meet your Inner Mean Girl, or as I like to say...your IMG. She is the relentless, insipid, downright awful voice you hear in your head A LOT. The bad news is that right now, she’s running the show. The good news is that just this simple act of naming her will bring huge awareness and will begin to diminish her power and grip on your psyche.

Now that we’ve made the introductions, there are some critical details you need to know about this gal. First and foremost, she is NOT YOU! She has been fabricated, unchecked, through the years from the voices of your parents, teachers, siblings, and generally the people of authority you have been in contact with all your life. She is wickedly clever because she has the inside scoop on what your insecurities are and where your fears lie. There are no secrets you can hide from her. She has impossibly high expectations, compares you to everyone you know (even some you don’t) and her perfectionism will drive you to drink (if she hasn’t already). She leaves you with amplified and distorted feelings of inadequacy, worthlessness, and self-loathing…just to name a few.

Her motives are noble. You see she just wants to keep you safe. She doesn’t want you to get hurt or be embarrassed. Yet her methods are ruthless and destructive. She is keeping you from being the woman you know you want to be and she is shielding you from creating the life you want to live. Ironically, the things she is making you fearful of are the very things that will make you grow.

Greetings darling.

This experience will show you a new way of speaking to yourself. When you do the work, you’ll be amazed at how much better you feel. You feel relief at letting go of what’s harmful in your life and hopeful for this new way of living.



Sweetheart, she is wearing you out,

tearing you down, and making you feel just plain awfu�

Hang tight, we are about to change all that!

When you have made your way through this lesson you will:

—Determine the sneaky ways your Inner Mean Girl is overpowering you so you can cultivate a strong sense of inner resilience, self-worth,and a beautiful gentleness with yourself.

—Discern the Top 3 extremely damaging habits your IMG is in charge of and implement potent practices to align yourself with the woman you choose to be.

—Learn why your IMG thinks she’s “keeping you safe” and apply the dynamic process that allows you to take the risks she’s been shielding you from so you can flourish and be incontrol of your own life.

—Master the small daily go-to steps towards self-love that actually work so you can demonstrate to your children what it lookslike to love yourself.



So you can never exorcise your IMG for good, but instead of letting her run wild and get her way all the time, you can work various strategies to keep her in check. This way YOU are in the driver’s seat, YOU have control of the wheel, and YOU are the one making the decisions. You are no longer ruled by fear tactics and her terrorizing techniques. This first practice is designed to call her out. You will start logging word for word what she says to you. This may be very uncomfortable for you, but stick with it because this first step is critical to all the practices that follow. You are going to have some eye opening revelations and we are going to transform what these messages mean to you and diminish the devastating impact they have on you. Your IMG is so destructive when she’s not dealt with, yet so manageable when you have some tools.

Your IMG has so many sneaky ways of communicating. She may sound like, “Who do you think your fooling, everyone thinks you’re a fake”, “You don’t know enough about that to have an opinion, you’re stupid”, “You are completely screwing up your kid”. Be gentle and kind with yourself as you write these words down. THEY ARE NOT TRUE! It still hurts to hear them and you may find it very disconcerting to bring them to light if you were not aware this was happening in the first place. Take a deep breath and just jot it down. Don’t buy into it or dwell on it—just record it on the chart provided on the next page. Next you are going to assign the statement a value. Let’s take the statement “You are completely screwing up your kid”.

Your Inner Mean GirlIn the moment, this can feel very real and very true, but looking at it now you will see that you are NOT completely screwing up your kid. Have you ever made a mistake or a decision for your child that didn’t work out the way you hoped? Sure, but completely screwing them up—not even close. That statement might get a value rating of 1. Notice the language of the IMG that uses black or white words i.e. always, nothing, completely, everyone, nothing, no one, etc.

The final step is to reframe the statement in an inspiring way. We move from “You are completely screwing up your kid” to “OK, that didn’t work out how I hoped, how would I handle it differently next time?” This type of statement is now in alignment with who you truly are. Can you feel that difference? Which statement do you believe will serve you better as you move forward to create change in your life?

Awareness is the beginning of healing. Keep adding to your list as the days progress, it will become easier each time you write it down.

Now it’s your turn. Again, be gentle and kind to yourself—give yourself the compassion you would have for your child if she shared that someone were saying these kinds of things to her. Deep breath, and…



Step 1: Jot down a statement you are receiving from your IMG.

Step 2: Assign a “Value” to it.

Step 3: Add your “Inspirational Statement”.

Step 4: Practice saying your Inspirational Statement when you recognize your IMG is speaking.

Practice I — She Said What?

1 -

true

jus

t a

tine

y-ti

ny b

it2

- so

rt-o

f tr

ue3

- tr

ue 5

0% o

f th

e ti

me

4 -

true

mos

t of

the

tim

e5

- tr

ue 1

00%

of

the

tim

e

Your are so stupid

You are completely screwing up your k id

As i f you could do that, why bother

You real ly are the worst wi fe ever

Ahy would anyone love you

I made a mistake, what can I learn f rom this?

That didn’ t work out how I hoped, what would I do di f ferent next t ime?

Why not me? I ’ l l learn as I go.

Real ly? Worst EVER? I th ink not.

I am blessed with so many great qual i t ies that are easy to love

Impact Item Inspirational Statement1 2 3 4 5

Value



WOW! Isn’t she a piece of work? Great job!

Let’s keep going! Next we are going to take a look at all the ways your IMG impacts you. Think perfectionism, comparison, self-soothing, control, people pleasing and more. Again, this is not an exercise to dwell in or get stuck in the regrets or resentment-we are looking for awareness. We need to be ruthless with this gal in order to take back OUR control and get the outcomes we want. Here’s how this practice works. I have made a list for you of the top ways your IMG impacts you in a negative way. You are going to go through this list and identify the ones that impact you the most and assign them a value of 1-5, 1 being the least impactful in your day-to-day and 5 being the most impactful. Then pick the top 3 that had the highest rating for you and write down 1 small inspired action you WILL take toward minimizing or reversing the amount of impact your IMG has on this item. Here’s an example of mine to get you going.

— I see asking for help as a sign of weakness

— Small changes upset me greatly

— I stif le my emotions

TO P 3 — I am going to call another mom and ask her to pick up my daughter from school on Wednesday next week.

— The next time I am faced with a change,I am going to be curious of how it will benefit me.

— The next time I am upset, I will state “I am upset”in the moment-calmly and clearly.

I N S P I R E D AC T I O N S T E P S



Step 1: Review the “Impact List”.

Step 2: Star the ones that really grabbed you. Add any of your own ways your IMG impacts you to the list.

Step 3: Assign an “Amount of Impact” value to each item.

Step 4: Identify the Top 3 Impact Items that are impacting you the most.

Step 5: Write down the first small action you are going to do to minimize or reverse

the amount of impact your IMG has on this item.

Practice II — How does your IMGimpact you?

Not conf ident in making decis ions for yoursel f

You see asking for help as a s ign of weakness

You consistent ly ignore the s ignals your body is sending you, rat ional iz ing them away

You are mute or send mixed messages when you communicate something important

Low sense of worth

Make decis ions against your best interest

Feel profoundly unlovable and unwanted

Doubt your ta lents and abi l i t i tes

Have a horr ible body image

Fear that prevents you from true int imacy

In a constant state of stress

Closed from your capacity for happiness

Do what others expect you to do

Your day leaves you exhausted, dul l , uninspired

Struggle in relat ionships

Not k ind to yoursel f

Compare yoursel f to other women, moms, wives

Are overweight

Blame others for your circumstances

Resent those around you

Are react ive, not proact ive

Say yes when you want to say no

Complain a lot

St i f le your emot ions

Have a number of negat ive people in your l i fe

Pretend to be something you are not

Fear that stops you from try ing something new

Smal l changes upset you great ly

Impact Item1 2 3 4 5

Amount of Impact Value

1 -

not

muc

h im

pact

, if

any

2 -

a lit

tle

impa

ct3

- no

tice

able

im

pact

4 -

sign

ific

ant

impa

ct5

- m

assi

ve i

mpa

ct



Consistent ly break promises to yoursel f

Al low others to inf luence your mood

Unhealthy s leep patterns

Impact Item1 2 3 4 5

Amount of Impact Value

1 -

not

muc

h im

pact

, if

any

2 -

a lit

tle

impa

ct3

- no

tice

able

im

pact

4 -

sign

ific

ant

impa

ct5

- m

assi

ve i

mpa

ct

1 .

2.

3.

F O R E A C H O F T H E I T E M S Y O U W R O T E A B O V E , W R I T E 1 S M A L L I N S P I R E D A C T I O N S T E P Y O U W I L L T A K E

T O A L L E V I A T E O R R E V E R S E Y O U R I M G ’ S I M P A C T O N Y O U :

1.

2.

3.

S E L E C T T H E T O P 3 I M P A C T I T E M S T H A T H A D T H E H I G H E S T R A T I N G , W R I T E T H E M B E L O W :



How did you do with your Impact List? I love this exercise because once you get really comfortable with one set of statements and are seeing the improvement you desire, then you can move onto the next 3 Impact Items, and the next, and the next…

We are going to have some fun today! Here’s where you get to start calling the shots and inserting a bit of humor. We know what she says, we know how she impacts us and gets in our way, now it’s time to get to know her. Remember when I told you she’s just trying to keep you safe? She’s afraid for you and when you don’t respond accordingly she will stop at nothing in order for you to hear her. In order to remind you that you are not her, she is not the core of you-rather she is just a conditioned voice—you are going to create an avatar of her (maybe it’s a him). Have you noticed the pattern that what the IMG says is usually ridiculous, I mean really, if you heard this voice in any other situation you would think “Who is this chick?” Your character is going to be a bit, or a lot ridiculous too. Your playsheet is going to take you through a series of questions to create this IMG Avatar. This avatar will help you make the distinction of who you are really hearing in your head and you will be able to call her out in no time.

My IMG Avatar is named Chloe, she is an older lady, around 80. She is rather short, has a grey short-cut bob and startling blue eyes. Her skin is rather wrinkly and tanned from both being out in the Florida sun and the smoking, she has a gravelly voice to match. When she speaks, she punctuates her words in odd places and she is pretty loud.

When I picture her I see her in a tennis outfit, holding a glass of whiskey and a cigarette in one hand and pointing at me with the other.

Now that I’ve identified her, when I hear her I use my Inspired Statements like, “Oh good morning Chloe-I didn’t realize you were here. Thank you Chloe, I didn’t realize you were so interested in what I wanted to wear today. I so appreciate your point of view Chloe, but I’ve got this one covered, I’ve already made my decision.”

Please remember that there is NO rationalizing or arguing with your IMG—it is like trying to deal with a drunk person or a hysterical child. When you speak to your IMG, keep it short, firm and concise.

This is really quite fun and empowering once you get into it. Acknowledging and speaking to your IMG is one of the quickest ways to stop any negative impact in its tracks.

Your turn to create your IMG Avatar. Be super playful with this, the more outrageous your Avatar is-the harder it will be for you to take her seriously and that’s the point. Your IMG Avatar can personify a character from a movie or a book or a person (or compilation of people) you really know.

If you are having a difficult time creating your IMG Avatar, borrow Chloe!



Step 1: Create your IMG Avatar using the questions on the IMG Avatar Playsheet.

Step 2: Write down a minimum of 3 Inspired Statements you can use to shoot your IMG down,

I’ve given you some examples.

Step 3: Practice using your Inspired Statements and write down your thoughts and wins!!

Practice III — Your Inner Mean Girl

ANSWER THE FOLLOWING QUESTIONS TO HELP CREATE YOUR IMG AVATAR:

What does your IMG look l ike physical ly?Age, height, weight, physical character ist ics, gender.

What are 3 adject ives you can use to descr ibe the personal i ty of your IMG?

What does your IMG sound l ike? What are the character ist icsof her voice, pi tch, rate, volume?

What does your IMG wear on a dai ly basis?

What is her agenda?

Does your IMG embody any cul tural character ist ics, which ones?

WHAT IS THE NAME OF YOUR IMG AVATAR?

MY INSPIRED STATEMENTS:

1.

2.

3.

MY INSPIRED STATEMENTS:



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Inner Mean Girl€¦ · busy life to read it. It’s no accident that you discovered this Inner Mean Girl Video Series. I’m excited to share this exclusive training that will help