IMPR

OVING S

HORT S

TORY

LITERARY

ELE

MENTS

MS

. S

MO

L I NS

KY

DIRECT CHARACTERIZATION

Weak:

Nathaniel was a shy, young boy.

Adequate:

Nathaniel was a shy, young boy with brown hair and green eyes.

Strong:

Nathaniel was a fourteen-year-old boy from a small town. He kept his chocolate brown hair swept to the side, which allowed his sparkling green eyes to stand out. He was usually shy and quiet, but once and a while he came up with a brilliant idea.

INDIRECT CHARACTERIZATION

Weak:

Mr. Bosworth drove fast around the neighborhood.

Adequate:

Mr. Bosworth sped down the block in his expensive car and never said hello to his neighbors.

Strong:

Mr. Bosworth drove his black Mercedes around the block as if he were Mario Andretti, the sparkling rims zooming past the neighborhood children. He looked down his nose at his neighbors as he pulled out of his gated driveway and never said hello.

PERSONIFICATION

Weak:

Fame was greedy.

Adequate:

Fame was greedy and spiteful, but everyone loved him.

Strong:

Fame was greedy and spiteful. He never settled for second best and was always starved for attention, yet everyone loved him. From the moment I met Fame, I knew we had to be friends.

IMAGERY

Weak:

The mall was crowded.

Adequate:

The mall was crowded and noisy. It smelled of delicious pizza and cinnamon rolls.

Strong:

The mall was bursting with people, bumping me from all directions. A baby wailed from a nearby stroller while teenagers giggled and gossiped by the soda fountain. A delicious aroma of hot pizza and sweet, sugary cinnamon rolls filled the air.

FORESHADOWING

Weak:

Kyle had never won anything his whole life.

Adequate:

Kyle had never won anything. He glanced down at his sneakers in despair.

Strong:

When they called Tom’s name for the 50/50 drawing, Kyle realized he had never won anything his whole life. He glanced down at his running shoes, the gold of the sun reflecting off the rings of the laces, and sighed in despair.