IBSC Haverford School, USA ‘The Blessing of a Skinned Knee’ Developing Resiliency ... · 2010-07-30 · #7: The Bridget Jones Effect “Writing helps create meaning…finding

Richard Hood Educational Consultant

IBSCHaverford School, USA

‘The Blessing of a Skinned Knee’

Developing Resiliency in Boys

Tuesday, June 29th, 2010






Abraham Lincoln’s Road to the White House

Failed in business in 1831



Defeated for Legislature in 1832



Second failure in business in 1833



Suffered nervous breakdown in 1836



Defeated for Speaker in 1838



Defeated for Elector in 1840



Defeated for Congress in 1843



Defeated for Congress in 1848



Defeated for Senate in 1855



Defeated for Vice President in 1856



Defeated for Senate in 1858



Elected President in 1860



Remembered forever



Lincoln became president because of the adversity he faced. A difficult marriage, bouts of depression and an unsuccessful term in Congress. From the depths of darkness, he was able to become our greatest president.


Resilience1. What is it?2. What habits of mind promote it?3. How can our school’s structures/attitudes

promote it?


Lev VygotskyThe Zone of Proximal Development

Growth may be uncomfortable.

Growth is unavoidable.


Central Assertion

Our schools need programs and teachers that will allow students to fail in a supportive environment.

If we don’t, we rob students of essential skills on the road to developing resiliency.


Developmental Assets

Supports that help build resiliency in young lives.


MATT


The Blessing of a Skinned KneeWendy Mogel

“When we treat our children’s lives like we’re cruise ship directors who must get them to their destination-adulthood-(university)-smoothly, without their feeling even the slightest bump or wave, we’re depriving them. Those bumps are part of God’s plan.”


Too Much of a Good Thing: Raising Children of Character in an Indulgent

AgeDan Kindlon

“How should we handle kids…who have had every advantage and flaunt their sense of entitlement? How do we help them grow and mature? And how do we help them fill what all too often seems to be a hollowness at the centre of their being—a hollowness that makes them anxious and depressed.”


Sir Ken Robinson

TEDS talk on ‘Creativity’


7 Learnable Skills of Resilience

1. Emotion Awareness2. Impulse Control3. Multi-perspective thinking4. Empathy5. The belief that you can solve your own

problems6. Courage (taking appropriate risks)7. Optimism (the most important!)


Nine Ways to Fail Better#1 Lighten Up

Humor is about stepping back for a fresh perspective.We’re often so paralyzed by fear of failure that we ‘self handicap’.

Private Logic and Self Messaging


#2 Join the ClubCycle: Pain---Blame

Change to resourceful coping strategies

Where do our students get support? -social networking sites; peers; school programs; parents


#3: Feel guilt, not shame

Guilt = “something I did”

Shame = “something I am”

Replace-- “I’m a failure”with

“I’m a good person who made a mistake I can learn from”


#4: Cultivate Optimism

Hamlet: ‘There is nothing good or bad but thinking makes it so’.

Key to resilience:thinking more flexibly and learning to increase your array of options

Mind as courtroom: Put negative thoughts on trial!


#5: Ask not what the world can do for you

“You can’t always get what you want”

How can I turn ‘not getting what I want’ into developing my ability to serve others or investigate other possibilities?

Student positions of responsibility in schools


#6. Scale down your expectations for yourself

“That might be what failing well is…a willingness to lower our sights when that’s realistically required.”

Gilbert Brim story, pg. 73


#7: The Bridget Jones Effect

“Writing helps create meaning…finding a coherence and building a personal story that lassos all the question marks hanging in the air and making sense of them.”

In English Class: writing prompts about ‘successful failure’


#8: Don’t blame yourself.

“Attribution errors—blaming yourself for the bad things that happen to you—are probably the biggest reason people metabolize failure badly.”

“Children who understand that…negative life experiences are outside their control are not as vulnerable.” Carol Dweck (Stanford)


#9: Act!

Failure is an opportunity to change course.

Seize it.Dan Kindlon paragraph, page 220


Howard GardnerEvery child is 100% smart


Documents

IBSC Haverford School, USA ‘The Blessing of a Skinned Knee’ Developing Resiliency ... · 2010-07-30 · #7: The Bridget Jones Effect “Writing helps create meaning…finding