Mittal 1

Mehul Mittal

Mrs. Bauman

AP ELA III

18 April 2023

Why I Want an Indian

I belong to that classification of people known as Indians. I am an Indian.

Recently, a white male friend of mine had moved into the city leaving behind all his

friends. He had many Indian friends back in his hometown, but now he had to start afresh. He is

looking for another Indian. As I thought about him while I was studying for a test one evening, it

suddenly occurred to me that I too, would like to have an Indian. Ah, why do I want an Indian?

I would like to attend school with an Indian so I could succeed, become a straight A

student, and go to a great college. I want an Indian who will teach me and give me all the

answers I need. And while I’m succeeding in school, I want an Indian who will do all of my busy

work. I want an Indian who enjoys doing my homework for me. I want an Indian who will do

anything I say, including doing my chores. I want an Indian who will keep track of all the tests

coming, and help me prepare for these tests. I want an Indian who will take care of my grades, an

Indian who arranged his or her schedule around me, because, of course, I cannot stop from

succeeding in school. My Indian must spend more time helping me and still keep his or her

grades high. It may result in lower test grades in my Indian’s gradebook from time to time, but I

guess I can tolerate that. Needless to say, my Indian will maintain and boost my grades while my

Indian is studying.

I want an Indian who will take care of all my financial needs. I want an Indian who will

refuse to spend a penny on anything not needed. I want an Indian who will buy the cheapest

Mittal 2

clothes for him or herself, but instead will buy me designer. I want an Indian who will manage

the books, balance checks, give me money when need be, and will see that my portfolio is doing

much better than the market curtails. I want an Indian who has a good job. I want an Indian who

is an engineer. I want an Indian who will work hard, study every day, and do all the work while

I’m busy. I want an Indian who is generous, and compensates me financially for being such a

good friend. I want an Indian who will cover for me, while I take a break from my job. I want an

Indian who doesn’t ever complain, but rather does whatever I ask of him as this is a duty of an

Indian friend. I want an Indian who will do my math homework, as I complain to him the

difficulties of school. And I want an Indian who will let me type the papers that he or she has

written for me.

I want an Indian who is sensitive to my hygienic standards, an Indian who makes sure he

or she does not smell, and makes sure that I am not discomforted by the unique smell. And, of

course, I want an Indian who will change what he or she eats and cooks to avoid the grotesque

smell. I want an Indian who assumes complete responsibility for changing his or her habits,

because I do not want to be embarrassed. And I want an Indian who understands that my

standard may entail more than a strict adherence to the social norm. I must, after all, be able to

walk in public without feeling self-conscious.

If, by chance, I find another Indian more pleasant than the Indian I already have, I want

the ability to replace my current Indian with another one. Naturally, I will expect my Indian to

understand, it is simply survival of the fittest.

When I am through my tiring day, I want my Indian to stop any plans he or she has so

they can fully concentrate on finishing any work that I have left.

My God, who wouldn’t want an Indian?