15
I Fell In Love Here Feelings, Mentalities, and Anxieties #1

I Fell In Love Here: Feelings, Mentalities, and Anxieties #1

Embed Size (px)

DESCRIPTION

Not a sob story, not poetry. Just reality.

Citation preview

Page 1: I Fell In Love Here: Feelings, Mentalities, and Anxieties #1

I  Fell  In  Love  Here  

 

Feelings,  Mentalities,  and  Anxieties  #1  

 

 

 

Page 2: I Fell In Love Here: Feelings, Mentalities, and Anxieties #1

0HODQFKRO\1RXQ��$�IHHOLQJ�RI�SHQVLYH�VDGQHVV��W\SLFDOO\�

ZLWK�QR�REYLRXV�FDXVH�

'\VSKRULD1RXQ��$�VWDWH�RI�XQHDVH�RU�JHQHUDO�

GLVVDWLVIDFWLRQ�ZLWK�OLIH�

(XSKRULD1RXQ��$�IHHOLQJ�RU�VWDWH�RI�LQWHQVH�

H[FLWHPHQW�DQG�KDSSLQHVV�

:RUWKOHVV$GMHFWLYH��+DYLQJ�QR�UHDO�YDOXH�RU�XVH�

$Q[LHW\1RXQ��$�IHHOLQJ�RI�ZRUU\��QHUYRXVQHVV��RU�XQHDVH��W\SLFDOO\�DERXW�DQ�LPPLQHQW�HYHQW�RU�VRPHWKLQJ�ZLWK�DQ�XQFHUWDLQ�RXWFRPH�

3OXUDO�QRXQ��$Q[LHWLHV

Page 3: I Fell In Love Here: Feelings, Mentalities, and Anxieties #1

6DWXUGD\��1RYHPEHU���QG������D�P�

,�LPDJLQH�WKHUH¶V�VRPHRQH�ZKR�LV�EHJJLQJ�PH�QRW�WR�ZULWH�DQ\�RI�WKHVH�HQWULHV��6RPHRQH�ZKR�IHDUV�RQH�DFFRXQW�RI�WKHP�WUHDWLQJ�DQRWKHU�KXPDQ�EHLQJ�OLNH�D�WR\�ZLOO�UXLQ�WKHLU�JUHDW�UHSXWDWLRQ��

5HOD[��,¶P�QRW�XVLQJ�DQ\�QDPHV��

,¶P�QRW�PDNLQJ�WKLV�WR�VODQGHU�DQ\RQH��WR�DVN�IRU�SLW\��RU�HYHQ�WR�LQYLWH�\RX�LQWR�P\�KHDG��,�MXVW�QHHG�D�VSDFH�WR�SURYH�WKDW�,�DP�KXPDQ�DQG�PD\EH�LI�,�FDQ�ZRUN�LW�RXW�RQ�SDSHU��,�FDQ�FRQYLQFH�P\VHOI�WKDW�LW�LV�RND\�WR�IHHO�DQG�WKDW�,�GHVHUYH�WR�EH�WUHDWHG�IDLUO\�DQG�WR�EH�ORYHG��

6R�,�JXHVV�WKLV�LV�PH�VD\LQJ�,�KRSH�WKDW�\RX�UHDG�WKLV�DQG�GRQ¶W�KDYH�WR�JR�WKURXJK�LW��2U�WKDW�\RX¶UH�UHDGLQJ�WKLV�DQG�NQRZLQJ�\RX�DUHQ¶W�DORQH��

Page 4: I Fell In Love Here: Feelings, Mentalities, and Anxieties #1

6DWXUGD\��1RYHPEHU���QG�����D�P�

,Q�WKH�VXPPHU�RI������,�IHOO�LQ�ORYH�LQ�D�VWRUDJH�FORVHW�

,W�ZDVQ¶W�UHFLSURFDWHG��,�GRQ¶W�WKLQN���,�RQO\�ZDQWHG�WR�PDNH�KLP�KDSS\��7KDW�ZDV�P\�HQWLUH�PLVVLRQ��6R�PXFK�VR�WKDW�ZKHQ�KH�ZRXOG�EODWDQWO\�WDON�DERXW�RWKHU�JLUOV�LQ�IURQW�RI�PH�,�ZRXOG�DJUHH�ZLWK�KLP��,�ZRXOG�VPLOH��%HFDXVH�LI�VRPHWKLQJ�PDGH�KLP�KDSS\�,�ZDQWHG�KLP�WR�KDYH�LW��,�GLGQ¶W�PDWWHU��

,�ZDV�EXUQLQJ�P\VHOI�DOLYH�WR�NHHS�KLP�ZDUP��

,Q�6HSWHPEHU�KH�VWRSSHG�WDONLQJ�WR�PH�DQG�VKRUWO\�DIWHU�,�VZDOORZHG�DQ�HQWLUH�ERWWOH�RI�;DQD[��

,W�ZDVQ¶W�WKH�ILUVW�WLPH�,¶G�WULHG�EXW�LW�ZDV�WKH�ILUVW�WLPH�D�SHUVRQ�KDG�GULYHQ�PH�WKHUH��

:KHQ�,�JRW�RXW�RI�WKH�KRVSLWDO�,�VWDUWHG�JRLQJ�EDFN�WR�WKHUDS\��,�DOVR�VWDUWHG�FXWWLQJ�P\VHOI�DJDLQ��7R�VWDYH�RII�WKH�FXWWLQJ�,�VWDUWHG�GULQNLQJ�DQG�GRLQJ�GUXJV��7KH\�PRVWO\�KHOSHG�PH�VOHHS�UDWKHU�WKDQ�JLYH�PH�UHOLHI�IURP�WKH�KHDUWEUHDN��,W�ZDVQ¶W�D�SUHWW\�WLPH�LQ�P\�OLIH��

%XW�WKHQ�DJDLQ�KDV�WKHUH�HYHU�EHHQ�RQH"�

Page 5: I Fell In Love Here: Feelings, Mentalities, and Anxieties #1
Page 6: I Fell In Love Here: Feelings, Mentalities, and Anxieties #1

1RYHPEHU��������������S�P�

,�GURYH���KRXUV�E\�P\VHOI�WR�JHW�WR�\RXU�DSDUWPHQW��

,W¶V�EHHQ�WZR�PRQWKV�VLQFH�,�ORVW�WKH�PRVW�LPSRUWDQW�SHUVRQ�LQ�P\�OLIH��

<RX�DUH�PLVWDNH�QXPEHU�RQH��

,�ILJXUHG�LI�,�IXFNHG�\RX�IRU�D�ZHHN�VWUDLJKW�,�FRXOG�JHW�RYHU�KLP��<¶NQRZ�JHW�RYHU�VRPHRQH�E\�JHWWLQJ�XQGHU�VRPHRQH�HOVH��,Q�UHDOLW\�ZKDW�,�JRW�ZDV�D�VLFN�IHHOLQJ�LQ�P\�VWRPDFK�

:H�XVHG�HDFK�RWKHU�VR�WKHUH�ZDV�QR�KDUVK�IHHOLQJV�ZKHQ�,�OHIW�DW�WKH�HQG�RI�ZHHN�DQG���KRXUV�LQWR�P\�GULYH�WH[WHG�\RX�³KH\��,�GRQ¶W�WKLQN�ZH�VKRXOG�WDON�DQ\PRUH�´�

<RX�ZHUH�XSVHW�EXW�WULHG�WR�HQG�WKH�DUJXPHQW�E\�VD\LQJ�³ZKDWHYHU��,�MXVW�ZDQWHG�WR�IXFN�\RX��%\H�´

6R�WKH�SDWWHUQ�RI�PH�EHLQJ�ZRUWKOHVV�LQ�HYHU\�DVSHFW�EHVLGHV�P\�SRVVHVVLRQ�RI�D�SXVV\�EHJLQV��

Page 7: I Fell In Love Here: Feelings, Mentalities, and Anxieties #1

7KH�RQO\�WKLQJ�,�IHOO�LQ�ORYH�ZLWK�GXULQJ�P\�YLVLW�ZDV�WKLV�FLW\��

Page 8: I Fell In Love Here: Feelings, Mentalities, and Anxieties #1

)HEUXDU\���WK�����

7KLV�LV�P\�ELUWKGD\��

7KLV�LV�WKH�PRQWK�WKDW�,�PDGH�PLVWDNH����

<RX�KDG�PH�FRQYLQFHG�\RX�JHQXLQHO\�OLNHG�PH��,Q�UHWURVSHFW�,�ZDV�D�JRGGDPQHG�LGLRW�WR�EHOLHYH�WKDW�EXW�\RXU�H\HV�DUH�UHDOO\�FRQYLQFLQJ�

<RX�XVHG�PH�IRU�VH[�DQG�SURFHHGHG�WR�VXEWZHHW�PH��7KH�DGXOW�WKLQJ�WR�GR��,�JXHVV��

,W¶V�IXQQ\�EHFDXVH�HYHU\�WLPH�DIWHU�WKDW�ZKHQ�\RX�ZRXOG�VHH�PH�\RX¶G�EH�GUXQN�DQG�RU�KLJK�RXW�RI�\RXU�PLQG�DQG�ZRXOG�SURFHHG�WR�IHHO�PH�XS«�

(YHQ�ZKHQ�\RX�KDG�D�JLUOIULHQG��

:H�KDYHQ¶W�VSRNHQ�LQ�PRQWKV�

,�KRSH�LW�VWD\V�WKDW�ZD\�

Page 9: I Fell In Love Here: Feelings, Mentalities, and Anxieties #1
Page 10: I Fell In Love Here: Feelings, Mentalities, and Anxieties #1

³<RX¶UH�ZRUWKOHVV�7KH�RQO\�WKLQJ�\RX¶UH�JRRG�IRU�LV�D�IXFN�DQG�VLQFH�,�GLGQ¶W�JHW�WR�GR�WKDW,�GRQ¶W�VHH�D�QHHG�WR�VSHDN�WR�\RX�DQ\PRUH�<RX�GRQ¶W�GHVHUYH�IULHQGV��NLQGQHVV��RU�ORYH��<RX¶UH�QRW�WKH�NLQG�RI�SHUVRQ�ZKR�VKRXOG�EH�DOORZHG�WKRVH�WKLQJV�IRU�DQ\�UHDVRQ�´� 7UHYRU�5RVV��WR�PH�LQ�-XQH

,W¶V�RQH�WKLQJ�WR�WKLQN�VRPHWKLQJ�EXW�DQRWKHU�HQWLUHO\�WR�KHDU�VRPHRQH�VD\�LW�RXW�ORXG��

<RX�VDLG�WKLV�WR�PH�RYHU�WKH�SKRQH�RQFH�\RX�ZHUH�VDIHO\�EDFN�LQ�:DVKLQJWRQ�VWDWH�EHFDXVH�\RX�IRXQG�RXW�,�GLGQ¶W�OLNH�\RX�VR�PXFK�DIWHU�\RX�FDPH�WR�VHH�PH��

<RX¶UH�FXWHU�RQ�WKH�LQWHUQHW��

Page 11: I Fell In Love Here: Feelings, Mentalities, and Anxieties #1

6RPH�3RLQW�LQ�7KH�3DVW3UREDEO\�/DWH�DW�1LJKW

³)XWXUH�PH�ZLOO�GHDO�ZLWK�ZKDWHYHU�FRQVHTXHQFHV�WKLV�FUHDWHV��)RU�QRZ��,¶P�KDYLQJ�IXQ�IRUJHWWLQJ�´

���

,�NQRZ�QRZ�WKDW�QR�DPRXQW�RI�VH[�ZLWK�DQ\�DPRXQW�RI�SHRSOH�FDQ�UHSODFH�WKH�IHHOLQJ�RI�EHLQJ�DEOH�WR�EDUH�\RXU�PLQG�WR�VRPHRQH��QRW�MXVW�\RXU�ERG\��

)RXU�PLVWDNHV�DQG�]HUR�RUJDVPV�ODWHU�,�GLGQ¶W�IHHO�DQ\�EHWWHU��

,�VWLOO�PLVVHG�KLP��

,�VWLOO�ORYHG�KLP��

Page 12: I Fell In Love Here: Feelings, Mentalities, and Anxieties #1
Page 13: I Fell In Love Here: Feelings, Mentalities, and Anxieties #1

:RUWKOHVV�

,W¶V�QRW�WKDW�,�IHHO�ZRUWKOHVV��,�MXVW�XQGHUVWDQG�WKDW�,�DP��<HDUV�RI�EHLQJ�XVHG�DQG�WKURZQ�DZD\�DQG�PDGH�WR�MXPS�WKURXJK�KRRSV�WR�HDUQ�FRQGLWLRQDO�ORYH�KDV�PDGH�LW�DSSDUHQW�WKDW�,�DP�QRW�JRRG�HQRXJK�IRU�DQ\RQH�MXVW�EHLQJ�P\VHOI�

,�KDYH�WR�GR�WKLQJV�DQG�VHHN�WKH�DSSURYDO�RI�SHRSOH��,�FDQ¶W�MXVW�EH�PHGLRFUH��,�KDYH�WR�EH�VR�PDQ\�WKLQJV�DW�RQFH�MXVW�IRU�VRPHRQH�WR�VWRS�PH�DQG�VD\�³KH\��,�ORYH�ZKDW�\RX�DUH´�DQG�,�GRQ¶W�JHW�WR�HQMR\�LW�EHFDXVH�,¶P�EXV\�WU\LQJ�WR�LPSURYH��WU\LQJ�WR�EH�EHWWHU�WKDQ�,�ZDV�\HVWHUGD\�VR�SHRSOH�GRQ¶W�JURZ�WLUHG�RI�PH�DQG�VWRS�ORYLQJ�PH��

,�WU\�YHU\�KDUG�WR�EH�D�JRRG�SHUVRQ��WR�ZHDU�D�PDVN�RI�SHUIHFWLRQ�VR�SHRSOH�ZLOO�VHH�VRPHWKLQJ�ZRUWK�³LW´�LQ�PH��,I�RYHUZKHOPLQJ�FRQVHQVXV�LV�WKDW�,�DP�RQO\�JRRG�IRU�WZR�ZHHNV�WKHQ�LW�PXVW�DFFHSWHG�DV�IDFW��7KDW¶V�KRZ�VFLHQWLILF�ODZ�ZRUNV��LI�VRPHWKLQJ�LV�UHSHDWHGO\�SURYHQ�WR�EH�WUXH�WKHQ�LW�LV�ODZ��

3HRSOH�KDYH�WROG�PH�,�GHVHUYH�WR�EH�ORYHG��WKDW�,�DP�JRRG�HQRXJK��DQG�WKDW�WKHUH¶V�QRWKLQJ�,�FRXOG�GR�WR�PDNH�P\�ZRUWKOHVVQHVV�WUXH�EXW�WKHVH�VDPH�SHRSOH�KDYH�WKURZQ�PH�LQ�WKH�WUDVK�

Page 14: I Fell In Love Here: Feelings, Mentalities, and Anxieties #1

6R�IRU�WKH�SDVW�\HDU�,�WKUHZ�P\VHOI�LQWR�SHRSOH�WR�JHW�RYHU�WKH�ER\�,�IHOO�LQ�ORYH�ZLWK�DQG�JRW�XVHG�E\�WKHP�LQ�UHWXUQ��

8QWLO�QRZ�

,�PHW�D�ER\�LQ�2FWREHU��:HOO�,�ZRXOGQµW�VD\�²PHW³�VLQFH�ZHµG�EHHQ�PXWXDOO\�IROORZLQJ�DQG�XQIROORZLQJ�HDFK�RWKHU�IRU�DERXW�D�\HDU�RQ�VRFLDO�PHGLD��+HµV�YHU\�SRVLWLYH��DPELWLRXV��UHVSHFWIXO��KRQHVW��DQG�GHGLFDWHG�

,�PDGH�SODQV�WR�IO\�RXW�WR�VHH�KLP�DIWHU�JHWWLQJ�WR�NQRZ�KLP�IRU�D�PRQWK�DQG�FDQFHOHG�ODVW�PLQXWH�RXW�RI�IHDU�RI�QRW�EHLQJ�HQRXJK�IRU�KLP��

%XW�,�GR�JHQXLQHO\�OLNH�KLP��DQG�ZKHQ�,�WROG�KLP�KH�WROG�PH�KH�OLNHV�PH�EDFN��

7KHUH�ZDV�D�²EXWª³�WKRXJK�

7KHUH�LV�DOZD\V�D�²EXW�³�

Page 15: I Fell In Love Here: Feelings, Mentalities, and Anxieties #1

0RQGD\��1RYHPEHU��������D�P��RQ�P\�FRDVW�����D�P��RQ�\RXU�FRDVW

²,�KDWH�NQRZLQJ�,�GRQµW�PDNH�D�GLIIHUHQFH�³�

,I�DQ\RQH�PDNHV�D�GLIIHUHQFH��LWµV�\RX��,I�DQ\RQH�VKRXOG�EH�VHQW�IORZHUV��LWµV�\RX�,I�DQ\RQH�GHVHUYHV�WR�EH�KDSS\��LWµV�\RX��

,I�WKHUHµV�DQ\RQH�,�FRXOG�DFFLGHQWDOO\�VWDUW�FDULQJ�DERXW��LWµV�\RX��

,I�WKHUHµV�DQ\RQH�ZKR�FRXOG�JHW�PH�WR�OHW�P\�ZDOOV�GRZQ��LWµV�\RX�

,�GRQµW�ZDQW�WR�VD\�VRPH�VWXSLG�FOLFKH�VKLW�DERXW�KRZ�LWµG�EH�DQ�KRQRU�WR�KDYH�P\�KHDUW�EURNHQ�E\�\RX�EHFDXVH�LW�ZRXOGQµW�,W�ZRXOG�EH�DZIXO�

%XW�,�JXHVV�RXW�RI�DOO�WKH�WLPHV�,µYH�OHW�P\VHOI�JHW�FORVH�WR�VRPHRQH�DQG�JRW�ELW�LQ�WKH�HQG��,W�ZRXOGQµW�EH�VR�EDG�LI�LW�ZDV�\RX�WDNLQJ�WKDW�ELWH��